


I worry for you without me

by Okamihime, Yumicho



Category: Alexander (2004), Alexander - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Explicit Sexual Content, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Plot, Possessive Behavior, Slow Build, Smut, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-05
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-02-11 22:59:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 49
Words: 200,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2086359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Okamihime/pseuds/Okamihime, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yumicho/pseuds/Yumicho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two great successors of Achilles and Patroclus creating their own myth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone and thanks for reading our fic! :D
> 
> This work was born as an rpg from our undying love for Alexander and Hephaistion. It will be long and it will have a lot of angst because there is never too much angst. It's basing on the movie but in a free form since our imaginations run wild.
> 
> Also please note that we are not native English speakers but we will try to keep our work mistake free.

Alexander looked at his father who was now lying on the floor in his alcoholic delirium and swallowed past the lump in his throat. He couldn’t believe his own eyes but the painful words were still echoing in his mind. He looked around at the people who were giving him mischievous or pitiful smiles. Mostly the former. But all of them were clearly liking the unexpected entertainment. In the end, not every day the king was disinheriting his own son. And even though Alexander knew that it was the alcohol speaking through his father’s mouth, he couldn’t help the pang of pain he felt in his heart. 

Alexander took a few shallow breaths and opened his mouth but he couldn’t form any words. His mind was pure chaos and Attalos’ laugh was still echoing in his head. He didn’t mean to make such a mess and he only wanted his father to be proud of him but he had his limits and couldn’t stand the fact that now some foreign girl was higher on the list of Philipp’s priorities than he himself and his mother were. Furthermore, Philipp let Attalos humiliate him. He even laughed at Attalos’ words like Alexander was some dog and not his son who made him proud so many times. Suddenly, he felt a warm, gentle hand clutching at his wrist and even without looking he could tell that it belonged to Hephaistion. It was just a reassuring touch but it was enough to make him being able to breathe again. He squeezed his hand and immediately felt the same gesture. 

Hephaistion looked at his prince, still feeling thunderstruck, still not believing what Philip just said to his very own son, to the one and only legitimate follower to take the crown. His body was still stiff as he was looking around the hall, as he realized all the malicious looks and maleficent cackles that were thrown towards Alexander. It was horrible. He tried to keep his face uncommitted, but as soon as he felt how Alexander's posture changed, from a strong and young man to a beaten and broken one, disappointment and sadness overwhelming him, he squeezed Alexander’s hand harder, hoping that he could transfer some comforting feelings. 

He looked at Alexander but the latter closed his eyes and turned on his heel, making his way to the door. The quiet, silent presence at his side was enough to allow him to keep his head high despite the amount of humiliation he just experienced from his very own father. Alexander grasped Hephaistion’s fingers and squeezed them lightly in a silent _thank you_ which he knew that would be understood. Hephaistion always read him like an open book and understood his needs sometimes better than Alexander himself. And knowing that was all he needed to keep himself sane. 

Hephaistion of course followed but before he did so, he shot a last appalled glance to the crowd, that was still looking at the two of them with clear amusement written on their faces. Alexander stormed out of the hall, his fingers still mingled with his own, so the young man quietly followed him a few steps until they reached a corridor which was far away. The voices and the noise of the circle were muffled so that Hephaistion could hear Alexander's heavy breathing. He returned Alexander's squeeze and pulled a little at his hand while he slackened his own speed. They both ground to a halt, his friend two steps ahead. Hephaistion looked sadly at the other's back, contemplating the way his muscles emerged from his clothes. His posture was broken, how he held his head and shoulders down, and it also broke his own heart to see how simple words, spoken in a flush of alcohol, could break someone like that. Hephaistion gave a little pull at Alexander's hand, implying for him to turn around. As he did so, he searched for his eyes. His own were filled with sadness while Alexander didn't look him in the face. With caution, he raised his hand and put it on the other man's shoulders. He didn't know how his friend would react, since he didn't want to hassle him, so he just squeezed his shoulder tenderly and dropped his gaze. „He didn't mean it like that“, Hephaistion spoke as quiet as possible with a hoarse voice. „It was the disgusting core of the wine that befogged his mind...“ His own heart thundered loud in his ears and he swallowed nervously as he started to rub soothing circles on Alexander's exposed skin, where his shoulder met his neck. After a few seconds, he closed his eyes and dropped his hand slowly from the other's shoulder. 

Alexander stopped shaking when he felt Hephaistion’s hand on his shoulder and put his own hands at the rail of the huge balcony. The marble was still warm from the sunlight, however, his hands were slightly shaking. He took another deep breath, trying to suppress the sick feeling in his stomach that made him want to puke. Nevertheless he was a prince so he couldn’t show his weakness even in the presence of his trusted friend. ‘’Of course he meant every word he said. I have no value to him now when he has a new, young wife who will be soon pregnant with his son’’, he grunted and realized that it came out harsher than he intended. After all, it wasn’t Hephaiston at who he should direct his anger. He released a frustrated breath but quickly forgot about his sorrow when skilled, warm hands started to massage his tense muscles. Alexander didn’t even know how sore he was until Phai’s fingers stared to sooth him. 

„Apparently you don't know your own value, if you're able to speak so low of yourself, my prince”, Hephaistion muttered under his breath. He didn't want to believe that this was how things ended between Alexander and his father. They had to talk about it as soon as Philipp got sober again, because Hephaistion couldn't handle a sad and broken Alexander. He was supposed to be happy and always wearing a smile on those beautiful lips. „Is there anything I can do for you? If so, then please, tell me“, Hephaistion asked when after a long moment of silence Alexander still didn’t say anything. 

‘’You have done enough”, Alexander murmured quietly. The unspoken _you are always more than enough_ danced on his lips but he quickly regained his senses and shut his mouth into a tight line. 

Hephaistion just opened his mouth to share some of his thoughts with his friend, just as his next words hit him pretty hard right in the guts. _You have done enough_ Hephaistion blinked one, two and then three times, as if clearing his view would abate the pain he suddenly started to feel deep inside of him. So he couldn't do a thing to make Alexander feel better. He just couldn't, he wasn't good enough and this realization made him as unhappy as he'd never felt before. All he could do was to nod and take a step back, just to bring a little distance between the other boy and himself because he couldn't bear being near him without being able to help taking his blue feelings away. He wished he could, more than anything. But he wasn't enough. He was just an old friend without any higher merit. 

The noises form the wedding party were now distant enough so they could almost completely push them in the deepest parts of their mind and Alexander concentrated on the steady, even if a little too fast, beating of Hephaistion’s heart whose body wasn’t touching him but still, the small distance wasn’t able to not affect his senses. If only Phai had been a servant boy then Alexander would gladly take him to his chambers and look for moments of sweet oblivion in his arms. But he was his friend and he should not think of him as of his toy of comfort. ‘’I should go now. We still have training tomorrow morning’’, he said and gave Hephaistion what he believed was a playful smile. He quickly started to miss Phai’s hands on himself but he didn’t let it show in his expression. ‘’I’m going to beat you’’, he said with certainty in his voice, trying not to look too deeply in Hephaiston’s eyes because he wasn’t ready to face the sadness and worry that he held in his beautiful blue orbits. 

„We'll see who will beat whom. Or should I let you win because you're my prince, Alexander?“ He tried to let his voice sound light and careless, but he must've failed miserably. So he just clenched his fists and digressed, looking to the sky. Apparently Alexander didn't want to spend more time with him. Did he already get tired of him? That thought hurt like hell. But he mustn't let Alexander know this, that he was able to wake these feelings in Hephaistion, so the boy just cleared his throat and spoke his next words. „But, you are right. I should leave you alone. There are more important things you have to take care of.“ Hephaistion looked for the last time into Alexanders eyes, before a quiet sigh left his lips. He looked at the ground once again, bowed himself in reverance before passing Alexander slowly, aiming the direction of his own rooms. „You know where you can find me. If there should be a reason to need me.“ The only thing that was left for him was to hope that Alexander would get over this without drowning his sadness in too much wine. And getting someone to share his bed with. Hephaistion felt a painful snap in his chest and he squinted his eyes at the imagination of Alexander in a tight and intimate embrace with some other person than himself. He hastened his steps before he vanished around the next corner. 

Alexander was looking at the silhouette of Hephaistion vanishing quickly in the darkness of the marble corridors, frozen at the spot and unable to do anything. He just didn’t expect the sadness and grief in his friend’s voice. It was obvious that he had done something to upset Phai but just like always he was unable to see what it was. Besides, Hephaistion was hard to figure out even though his eyes were full of emotions but Alexander was failing miserably every time he wanted to find out what his friend was thinking of. He gritted his teeth and took a step forward. He could go after Phai and apologize for his behavior but then he thought better of this and made his tracks into the opposite direction toward his chambers. It was clear that Hephaistion didn’t have the desire to see him. He was just polite like always and Alexander should not take an advantage of this. The matter with his father was his burden and only he could take care of that. But even with these thoughts in mind it was hard not to turn back and go after his friend especially when the sensation of Phai’s touch still lingered on his skin and was burning his senses. Even the chill midnight breeze didn’t help to soothe him. ‘’It’s just the wine’’, he muttered to himself as he entered his room. It was the only rational explanation why he couldn’t stop thinking about the warmness of Hephaistion’s hands. Alexander sat on his big, soft bed and considered calling for a servant boy. Some meaningless and disobliging sex would for sure take his mind off of the problems if just for a little while. Although he knew very well that it wasn’t a good solution in this situation. He quickly took off all his clothes and washed his face with cold water to sober himself up. Tomorrow he was going to prove everyone his value. And for sure he was going to defeat Hephaistion in a fair game. Maybe then they would be able to ride a little. Just the two of them like they used to when they were still kids. And although he knew that he still needed to confront his father he felt better knowing that Phai would be there to support him. In a little better mood he lied in his bed and slowly drifted to sleep with blue, sad eyes haunting his dreams. 

As soon as he arrived in his rooms, Hephaistion leaned back at the door he just closed behind his back, feeling somehow relieved that he was able to flee from this odd situation he just had with his best friend. What happened to them? Why would they behave that... reserved around each other? It didn't feel right. His heart was beating fast in his chest, filled with sorrow and sadness. The more time passed the more he realized that his feelings changed. He used to see Alexander as his best friend, but now that he got older he started to develop feelings for him which he could identify as love. Hephaistion blushed as he closed his blue eyes, but then the realization hit him that Alexander really just liked him as a friend. He didn't talk to him, he didn't want to share more time together with him than necessary... He sighed again and started to take his clothes off, washed himself like a cat and cuddled himself under the satin finish of his bed. He couldn't fall asleep for hours because the only thing he could see when he closed his eyes was Alexanders sad face.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, Hephaistion got up early with the first ray of sunlight and put his training robe on, before he braided his front hair in a smooth plait at the back of his head.  
He stilled for a second and took a long look at his own face in the golden mirror in his room, slapped himself in the face to get his cheeks colored and rubbed his eyes.  
„Okay. I can do this“, he whispered to himself, taking a deep breath before he left his room, heading to the training court.  
Hephaistion took some time because he was afraid to see Alexander and his hurt expression once again, so he wasn't running as he normally would do, always in a haste to see him as he could never be with him fast enough again – being seperated from him truly hurt him.  
As he arrived in the training court, he took a seat in the back of the hall because he knew Alexander would sit at the front, just like always since that was his place as the prince.  
He leaned against a stack and sighed quietly, closing his eyes and wondering why Alexander haven't appeared yet.  
Normally he was always on time and Hephaistion himself was already late...  
Frustrated he started to stretch his arms while sorrow filled his heart more and more with every passing second.

Alexander smiled a little when he saw Hephaistion already being at the training court, always on time unlike Alexander. He slowly made his way toward his friend, carefully trying not to make any noise. The heavy bags he saw under Phai’s eyes made him hesitate a little because it was clear that the boy didn’t get enough sleep. Alexander wondered if it was because of him, if his friend was still mad at him but he quickly dropped these thoughts because it would be too much for him if even his trusted Hephaistion turned his back on him. Alexander smoothly caught his friend’s arm when he was stretching them again and pulled the boy to himself just in time to see his confused and alarmed expression. A predatory smile formed on his lips as he quickly tackled his friend to the ground, face down and one arm placed uncomfortably behind his back. The blond headed boy leaned down, firmly keeping the other male in place, just the way he pleased. “You should not let your guard down, Phai’’, he murmured teasingly into his ear, intentionally using the nickname he gave Hephaistion when they were five years old. The sweet aroma of lavender and rain hit his senses when he accidentally brushed his nose against the other boy’s hair just when Phai started to fight his way into freedom. ‘’I told you that I will finally beat you down, didn’t I?”, he smiled and rested his body weight on his friend’s back to keep him from struggling. Absently, Alexander inhaled Phai’s scent which reminded him of some distant memory. It was too foggy to recall completely but it still left him with the feeling of a déjà vu. All in all, the sweet aroma was calming him down so he didn’t even notice that he was tackling his friend to the ground longer than it was appropriate. 

Hephaistion nearly shrieked in a very unmanly way as he felt his arm being pulled behind his back. In shock, he looked up and saw Alexander's face for a second, before he had his own face pushed into the sand.  
„Alexander!“, he groaned, nearly in pain, before he started to fight against the other's tight grip. What the hell was he thinking to tackle him off guard? The lesson didn't even start yet!  
He grit his teeth and tried to push himself off the ground but then he felt Alexander's body on his back as the other simply lied down on him and kept him pinned beneath him.  
„Get off... of me!“ Hephaistion could feel the blush creeping on his face as he felt his body going hot. He could feel Alexander's warmth trespassing to his own body, the way his warm hand clutched his arm... and then he got furious.  
Hephaistion couldn't let him get away with this, he would make a laughingstock out of himself. He had to save his face in front of the others who were already throwing suspicious looks into the direction of the two young men.  
Forcefully, he pushed his back in a smooth motion against Alexander, pulled his arm out from under his own body and develved his fingers into the sand, before snapping his head back – right in Alexander's face. First, his vision went black but then he caught himself and ripped his arm out of his friend's hold, before whirling around and nearly throwing himself at him, pushing his shoulder into the ground while forming pressure on his outstretched arm.  
„You will never beat me down, Alexander“, he hissed surly, leaning down to whisper into his ear, just the way his friend did moments ago, a mean grin on his lips. Sweet payback.  
„You are too weak to defeat me.“

Alexander definitely did not expect that Hephaistion would set himself free so easily. It hurt his pride so much that he almost didn’t feel the pain radiating from his bleeding nose. He managed to cast a glare toward Hephaistion but it lost its power because of the blood that was smeared across his chin and cheeks and made him look rather grotesque. Alexander quickly wiped himself as best as he could with his clean hand and stood up, straightening his back. ‘’We shall see’’, he barked, observing his friend's moves. He knew that later they would get punished for starting their training without supervising but Alexander could not care less right now. His only purpose was to defeat Phai. And he always got what he wanted. Without another warning he just threw himself at the other boy, trying to make him lose the balance with a move that he learned last week. Hephaistion still haven’t seen it so Alexander was counting on the moment of surprise to help him defeat the other boy. It was the only way to win. Phai might have been a little smaller and weighted a little less than him but he was still faster and more flexible than Alexander could ever be. At first he thought that he succeeded because he managed to catch Hephaistion’s arm once again and made him take a few steps back. With a satisfied grin on his face and victory in his mind he tried to tackle him to the ground, never looking anywhere but straight into Phai’s eyes. 

Hephaistion practially could taste the stubbornness that radiated from Alexander. It was clear that he didn't want to lose against his old friend, but the latter wouldn't make it easy for him. He raised his eyebrows as he avoided getting down by pulling his arm out of Alexander's reach before he could tighten his grip.  
„Is that all you've got, _prince_?“, he almost spat out, because he knew exactly how he could infuriate Alexander with mocking him.  
Apparently, he felt a lot better when all he could think about was abating Hephaistion in front of the others, defeating him with all he got.  
He could hear Ptolemy saying his name out loud, maybe trying to stop him and leave the prince be so that he could get what he aimed for, but no.  
Hephaistion locked his eyes with Alexander's as he slowly licked his lips in anticipation, before biting down on his lower lip.  
„Come and get me, prince. Or are you, well, too slow... slug?“  
He simulated an assault, but then he got behind Alexander and grabbed him by his hand, pushing his wrist up his back while his own arm rested against the other boy's throat, exerting pressure on it.  
Grinning, he placed his chin on Alexander's shoulder, nudging his ear slightly with his nose.  
„What are you going to do now?“  
He kind of felt bad for fighting with his best friend like this, but he didn't want to give up. Not after yesterday, especially not after the rejection he experienced and the sleepless night following it.  
It was his last intention to humilate the prince in front of the others, but as the latter said: he shouldn't let his guard down. Alexander had to know how strong Hephaistion was, even without him and his help. His thoughts let his grip loosen up a bit and his eyes lost their focus for a second but then he got himself together again before Alexander could break out and instead of letting him go, he tightened his viperish hold around the other's throat.

Alexander barked something incoherent and tried not to choke on his own blood that was now flowing down his throat. For a few seconds he was testing Hephaistion’s grip on him, trying to find a weak point. He also could hear Ptolemy’s screams but his mind was too focused on Phai to realize what he was saying. The blond headed boy gritted his teeth when his friend assaulted him with a malicious tone clearly noticeable in his voice. ‘’I am not!’’, he yelled and hooked his foot on Hephaistion’s ankle when said boy loosened his grip on Alexander a little. He pulled his leg and managed to finally get himself free. Without any hesitation he turned to face his friend and felt the world spin but succeeded to keep himself steady. ‘’I will show you what I am able to do’’, he hissed and spat his blood on the ground, preparing for another attack. The metallic taste on his tongue only made the adrenaline pump faster through his veins and made him more angry but when he saw that Ptolemy caught Hephaistion’s arm, something in him broke. Before the elder man could hit the boy for his insubordination, Alexander shielded his friend with his own body and looked hardly into Ptolemy’s eyes. ‘’It was my fault’’, he tried to keep his voice steady even if he only wanted to cough from all the blood in his throat. ‘’He did nothing to deserve punishment’’, Alexander added, knowing that they both would get punished but at least no one would hit Phai. He would never allow that. Even if they were mad at each other, Hephaistion was still his most trusted friend and Alexander would defend him no matter what. 

Losing his balance, Hephaistion nearly stumbled and would have fallen to the ground if not for Ptolemy to grab his arm and preventing him from that. He closed his eyes for a second because he knew what would follow his actions. He would get punished. Bracing himself, he straightened his back and looked Ptolemy in the face and opened his mouth to apologize for his misbehavior but before he could do so, Alexander stood in front of him and drowned him out.  
He silently shook his head as he looked appalled at Alexander's face, at least at the part he could see from his current position. He knew that the prince did this to help him, but he himself didn't want this. He was a grown man, after all and was able to take care of himself.  
That's why he said his next words with a steady voice, placing his left hand on Alexander's shoulder and pushing him softly out of his way.  
„No, Alexander. Ptolemy is right. I misbehaved and dishonored you, my prince. I should go with him and get what I deserve.“  
Ptolemy watched him carefully as he spoke and nodded in direction of the door. „Follow me, Hephaistion.“  
He passed Alexander and squeezed his shoulder, once again, for a second before he finally followed the other man.  
Those touches started to feel like farewells.


	3. Chapter 3

Half an hour later, Hephaistion stood in front of Alexander's door, not knowing if the other man was in his rooms or not. He got punished for his misbehavior and for hitting Alexander, especially in the face – Hephaistion's lip was swollen and splitted from the hits he received in his face for disobeying, his face started to swell a bit as well. But he was lucky since this was an iniquity every other soldier would have gotten far worse away with.  
He closed his eyes and lifted his hand, before he knocked carefully three times at Alexander's door.  
Ptolemy told him to apologize to his prince, to beg for his forgiveness. Hephaistion knew that, according to Alexander, he wouldn't have to do this, simply because they were old friends, but he was aware of Cassander lurking in the shadows down the hall.  
If he wouldn't apologize, he would get punished even worse since the snake would gladly tell the other that he disobeyed again.  
So he dropped to his knees in front of the door and hung his head low as soon as the door opened in front of him.  
„My venerable prince“, he started, still looking down at the floor. „I apologize for treating you in the worst way possible for a person my rank. I apologize and beg for your forgiveness.“  
He was sure that it had to be in his imagination, but he thought he heard Cassander chuckle for a second. Hephaistion could bet that he enjoyed this situation since the other soldier was always envious of him, has always been. Especially of the friendship he shared with the prince.  
But that didn't matter now, the only thing that really did was the man standing in front of him right this moment.

Alexander was pacing around his room trying not to think too hard about what had happened at the training court. It was his fault that Hephaistion was getting the punishment right now. Alexander was nineteen years old but he still acted like a spoiled kid and even knowing this he did nothing to change his behavior. Ptolemy was always telling him that he should first think and then act. But of course his short temper, which he got after his mother, was winning over his intellect again and again. So here he was again, beaten and dishonored when barely yesterday he promised himself that he would make his father proud of him. Maybe Philipp was right. Maybe he really was worthless? Alexander always was proud and self confident but right now he was conflicted and unable to find a way out of this pathetic situation. He knew that he should stop pitying himself and get a grip on his life but right now all he could think of was how much he messed up everything again. And of course it wasn’t him who was paying for his mistakes. So when he heard a faint knocking at the door, he made a mad run for it only to find Hephaistion on his knees, begging for Alexander's forgiveness. For a few long minutes Alexander was speechless. He was observing the slowly growing bruise on his friend’s cheek and the swollen lip. He didn’t expect that Ptolemy would go so far into punishing the young boy but it made his blood boil in his veins. ‘’Phai…’’ The name left his mouth before he even thought about it. He quickly leaned down and picked up the boy gently. ‘’You have nothing to apologize for’’, he murmured quietly and closed the door. Only then did he dare to hug his friend and discretely inhale his scent again. ‘’It’s all my fault.’’ A helpless sigh escaped his lungs and Alexander moved away a little to take a better look at Hephaistion’s bruises. He couldn’t help the grimace that formed on his face. Phai was beautiful, there was no use to deny that. But right now all Alexander could see was a beaten up, young boy who deserved nothing of what had happened to him. ‘’Let me fix that’’, he said calmly, taking Phai’s hand into his and noticing how cold it was. He squeezed his friend’s fingers and led him to his bed, looking around for something that would help to cool the bruise. 

Hephaistion's heart was beating rapidly in his chest as he sat there, in front of Alexander and nothing happened. Had he, in the end, done the wrong thing by kneeling down? He had guessed that his friend wouldn't appreciate it, but when he felt warm hands around his upper arms, lifting him up, a little smile made its way on his lips.  
So his prince did forgive him, good news for him and bad ones for Cassander then. But he didn't care.  
As Alexander said the name of which he knew the prince was the only one allowed to ever call him like that, he felt an enjoyable flutter in his chest. He could barely remember the day when Alexander accepted him as a friend and decided to give him a nick name to show the others his special treatment and position at Alexander's side, but it made him happy everytime he heard that name... even though he would never admit that.  
And when the prince closed his arms around him in a hug he hadn't felt in days, he hung on and hugged him back as if his life depended on it.  
Maybe it actually did. But those thoughts were for later, when he would be lying alone in his bed and thinking about life.  
As soon as Hephaistion sat down on Alexander's bed, he reached for the other man's hand and prevented him from going any further away.  
„Alexander, it is not your fault. I didn't behave right and provoked you. I am sorry for this.“  
He raised his hand to place a gentle kiss on Alexander's palm before pulling him closer, so that the younger man could stand between his legs. Hephaistion himself wrapped his arms around Alexander's waist and rested his forehead against the muscular stomach in front of him.  
„I'm truly sorry that I ruined your training lesson. How are you feeling, my prince?“  
He lifted his head again and let go of Alexander, looking up into his face while waiting for him to answer.

Alexander smiled a little, relieved smile when Hephaistion pulled him to himself. He already felt better knowing that his friend still stood firmly at his side. His mind was finally at peace and a warm feeling was setting in his chest. ‘’Don’t say that. It was my fault and you know that’’, he murmured, running his fingers through the older boy’s soft hair. ‘’It was unfair to attack you when your guard was down.’’ Alexander sighed and leaned down to plant a small kiss on Hephaistion’s forehead. ‘’But I feel good, knowing that you are not mad at me.’’ Actually, he couldn’t recall if Phai was ever angry at him. It was kind of weird when he thought about this, because when they were younger he liked to tease his friend a lot. ‘’Still we need to do something about that pretty face of yours’’, he smiled playfully at his friend and turned to the bowl full of cold water. He took a silky cloth and soaked it in the water. ‘’All the ladies would be disappointed seeing you like this.’’ Alexander kneeled in front of Hephaistion and gently brushed the cloth against the now pale purple bruise. ‘’Does it hurt?’’, he asked quietly with a hint of guilt in his voice. He really should have done more than just standing and watching as Ptolemy was taking Phai to another room to punish him. Hephaistion really did deserve better. 

Hephaistion sighed when Alexander's lips brushed his skin. Why couldn't it always be like this? His beloved one by his side, loving and caressing, even worshipping him? Why couldn't he just be enough for Alexander, enough to satisfy all of his many and different needs?  
„I'm not even able to be mad at you, Alexander... don't play dumb, you know it.“ He gave him a playful punch on his hips, before putting his head back and allowing Alexander to cool his bruises.  
It felt so good, the coldness appeasing his pain, making the throbbing go away. He even was able to forget Ptolemy's angry face when he punished him. The only thing that mattered now were those beautiful eyes that looked right into his heart.  
When he heard Alexander's next words, he couldn't hold back his little laugh.  
„Sure... all those women that provide little distraction.“  
He looked into Alexander's eyes and leaned into his touch, feeling the silk caressing his skin.  
Hephaistion wasn't interested in women, at all. From time to time, he met one of the wives of the other soldiers and had a nice talk with them, he even was something like _friends_ with some of them, but he couldn't develop further feelings for them – and not only because they were married, since the women without husbands weren't appealing to him, either.  
Not the way he did towards Alexander.  
He cleared his throat, as if to shoo his thoughts away and looked at Alexander's lips before he gently averted his gaze.  
„No... it doesn't hurt. My lip slightly burns, but it's not that bad as it may look. Don't worry.“  
_You'll make it better Alexander_ , he thought by himself.  
_Even if it's only your kind words or careful touches._

‘’Easy for you to say. You are my only friend, Phai. I can only trust you. That’s why you are so important to me.’’ Alexander looked into the other boy's eyes and lightly touched his bruised lip with the wet cloth. ‘’You should have let me take care of this. Ptolemy wouldn’t have hit you if you would have just let me protect you’’, he said with a deep frown on his face. Phai’s lip really looked bad and little drops of blood were still pouring from the wound. ‘’This really looks bad’’, he said angrily. However, he couldn’t tell if he was more angry at himself or at Ptolemy. He stood up and soaked the cloth again. ‘’And here I thought that maybe we could go for a ride today.’’ A playful smirk danced around his lips. Alexander knew that Hephaistion would never let down such an opportunity to get out of the palace like they did when they were kids. Besides, horse riding was the only discipline in which Alexander could easily win with Phai. It was actually mostly because of how fast Bucephalus was but the younger boy preferred to think that it was his merit. “But given your condition, I doubt that you will be able to ride with me’’, he gently touched Hephaistion’s cheek and smiled when a relieved sigh escaped the other boy’s mouth even when Phai was doing his best to look unconcerned about his bruises. 

Hephaistion felt his heart flutter against his ribcage like a bird in its cage. Alexander had no idea how much those words really meant to him. Pride filled him. Pride and satisfaction over the fact, that – maybe – he really had some value. That – maybe – he in fact could be enough. Just for once in his life.  
He smiled the brightest smile possible with his cracked lips and said: „But Alexander. I am not your wife. You can't keep an eye on me all the time and I finally need to try and vouch for myself, don't you think? One day, you'll be the king and what then... you won't be able to save me from everything, Alexander.“  
He wrinkled his eyebrows as he looked at his counterpart and pulled a face when he mentioned the trip outwards.  
„Are you challenging me again?“, he asked, still playfully pouting, standing up and going to the balcony that was part of Alexander's dorms. The weather was beautiful. It would be such a waste to spend this day in the cool shadows of the palace.  
„What do you think, am I riding on my face? I don't need it, not for this task.“

‘’When I will be the king then I will finally be able to protect you completely’’, Alexander responded with a firm voice and followed Phai on the balcony, watching him carefully. He knew that if his friend had more bruises he would never tell him. Phai was too proud for this. ‘’I don’t need to challenge you because I know that I will win. Again’’, he smiled brightly and put his hand on the older boy’s shoulder while watching what was happening under them. Ptolemy was still training the rest of the aristocrats’ sons but Alexander didn’t feel like going back to the training court. He wasn’t sure if he would be able to hold back his anger at the older man. ‘’Let’s go’’, he said, taking Phai’s hand into his and leading him to the door. ‘’I need a change of scenery.’’ 

Hephaistion's smile faltered a bit at the other's words. Alexander didn't get a single thing. The boy didn't know if he just didn't want to acknowledge him as equal or if it really was his only purpose to challenge him until the end of his very own life.  
„Okay, let's go“, he muttered defeated and let the blond boy drag him out of his dorms.


	4. Chapter 4

As soon as Hephaistion sat on his horses back, he felt better. Literally instantly. Deucalion gave him so much strength that rushed through his body like a cure to all his injuries and diseases. He gently pet his neck as he whispered soothing words into his ears, because the blue eyed boy could feel that Deucalion wanted to chase after Bucephalus.  
But Hephaistion had no intention to let his horse run faster. Simply, because he wouldn't see this ride as a competition. He knew that Alexander tried to make a latter out of this, but he calmly straightened his back and let his horse trot pretty slow.  
Relishing, he looked at the nature around him, to the sky that was nearly as blue as his own eyes without a single cloud far and wide.

‘’What are you thinking about?’’ Alexander pulled lightly on the reins so that Bucephalus circled Deucalion. Phai looked relaxed but as always Alexander wasn’t sure if his friend really felt better or if he was just trying not to worry him. ‘’You are too quiet’’, he said, observing him closely. ‘’Is something bothering you or do you have more wounds?’’ Alexander casted him as suspicious glance, trying to read what kind of emotions Phai held in his blue irises. He hated it when he couldn’t tell what was on his friend’s mind. He even forgot about the race because of the distant looks that Phai was giving him every now and then after Alexander flirted innocently with the stable boy. 

His gazed focused on Alexander, as the prince reached Hephaistion and looked at him, as if he really worried.  
„You ask, what I am thinking about?“ He cracked his neck and let Deucalion jog trot. „Nothing special, nothing important to worry your busy mind with.“  
He actually did have more wounds, especially one Alexander wouldn't get to see, right under his ribs. He still could feel the foot that hit him painfully hard in the side after he tried to apologize to Ptolemy and asked him for mercy not to make him go and beg Alexander for forgiveness. He didn't know who kicked him, but he could reason that it had to be Cassander.  
Hephaistion wouldn't come on good terms with him, ever.  
He shook is head and tried not to think about the way Alexander made him feel even worse by ditching him just to make sweet eyes at the stable boy.  
Frustrated and feeling rejected, he gritted his teeth and didn't want to look at Alexander anymore. He couldn't wait for the two of them to finally arrive at their destination, where Nevena would be waiting for them, with already prepared food and good wine.  
Hephaistion had send an errand boy to tell her to get everything ready in time.  
He sincerely was looking forward for a nice chat with his old friend.  
With a last disappointed look on Alexander, he put spurs to his horse and left the prince behind him.

Alexander let out a frustrated sigh, clearly not liking the way the older boy behaved. He sometimes really wasn’t able to understand how quickly Phai’s moods were changing. These subtle changes weren’t visible for someone who didn’t know Hephaistion. The boy was good at keeping his poker face but Alexander knew him like probably no one else did so he was able to sense when his companion wasn’t having a good day. ‘’Hephaistion! What did I do now?’’, he yelled after him and quickly led Bucephalus to full gallop. Now he was pissed off himself. He just couldn’t understand why things were different now. They used to tell each other everything; every secret and every dream and now Alexander could only watch how Hephaistion was growing apart from him and he had no clue how to make things better. ‘’Hephaistion!’’, he called again but when the boy didn’t respond or didn’t even turn back to look at him, Alexander turned Bucephalus around and took the other way back home. If Phai didn’t want to give him even the tiniest bit of his attention he wasn’t going to beg for this.  
Instead, he furiously went to the barn and after tucking his horse safely in his stall he practically threw himself at the cute stable boy. Alexander knew that Phai would have to come here so he didn’t hide with his temporary lover. Actually, he was hoping that his friend would see him. He wanted Hephaistion to know that he didn’t need him as much as the older boy might have thought he did. Unfortunately, he got what he wanted. The stable boy was sucking him off vigorously when Phai came to the barn, making Alexander immediately regret his decision. He wasn’t prepared for the raw pain that showed on the other boy’s face when he saw what was going on in here. Phai’s eyes were widened in shock and disbelief but after a moment he tucked his horse into the stall with shaking hands and quickly walked out. Alexander watched helplessly as his friend was leaving and felt a pang of pain in his chest. How could he be so stupid? How could he hurt Phai like that? ‘’Get out!’’, he growled at the stable boy, pushing him away with his foot. The poor boy looked at him with surprise in his eyes and opened his mouth to say something but Alexander was already soft and not in the mood to deal with some idiot. ‘’I said out!’’, he yelled and watched as the boy made a mad run for the door, clearly not wanting to expose himself to the prince's anger. Alexander was breathing heavily while trying to think what to do now. If Phai had been mad at him before, he must be furious by now and there was no way that sweets were going to make him forgive Alexander’s faults. Actually, he had the feeling that this time he went too far and that there was no way that Phai would forget about this. 

Hephaistion didn't turn around when Alexander was calling after him, because he didn't want him to read the storm of emotions which was written on his face without any doubt.  
If Alexander cared about finding out what was really wrong with Hephaistion, what really depressed him, he would come after him and ask and get his answer, just the way he always did when he truly wanted to achieve something.  
And Hephaistion would tell him, he determined. But as he slackened Deucalion's pace and turned around to see how far Alexander was still away and wait for him, his jaw nearly dropped.  
Alexander was a mere silhouette afield, alredy riding back home.  
Hephaistion couldn't believe what he just saw. He let a horrified gasp leave his throat and even Deucalion gave a disapproving snort, as his cavalier started to shake slightly. The boy let himself slip off of Deucalion's back, since he needed the reassuring feeling of a severe ground beneath his feet to steady his shaking legs.  
Did he really mean that little to the prince that he just ditched him in the middle of nowhere, that he lost his interest in him as soon as he didn't obey like the toy he was?  
The last thought hurt him in the hardest way possible, it felt as if something was griping its way through his guts, regardless of the consequences. He let out a shaky breath and closed his eyes for a second, before opening them again and feeling how tears started to well up in them as he watched how Alexander trailed away in the distance.  
After long minutes, Deucalion tenderly nudging his shoulder with his head, he pulled himself together and swung himself on his horse's back, riding back home. He couldn't stay here forever and cry over a relationship that seemingly wasn't meant to be.  
On his way, Hephaistion decided not to show Alexander, how much his apathetically behavior towards him really did hurt him. First, the rejection the other night, then his imprudent behavior Hephaistion even got punished for and now this? What, did Alexander think, was he? A buster one could call for playing everytime he got bored or what?  
But the true meaning of his last thoughts was shown to him forcefully as he reached the stable, planning to hand Deucalion over to the boy for him to rub him off.  
The view the two young men offered broke Hephaistion's heart and he felt how he lost control over his own body, how his guard went down.  
The boy, maybe at the age of sweet fifteen, who was embarrassed by Alexander's honeyed words a few hours ago, was now lying between Alexander's legs and burying his face, apparently very ambitious, in his groin. Hephaistion nearly choked.  
_Toy_ The word ran through his thoughts before he could even stop it. It made him take a step back because otherwise, he thought, he would have collapsed right in front of Alexander. He felt hot tears stinging in his eyes once again, but he wouldn't cry in front of Alexander, especially not in front of the boy. Ever.  
„A discarded bibelot“, he whispered flabbergasted, he was only a amusement for Alexander whom the prince got bored of. He wasn't needed anymore.  
Hephaistion felt the tears in his eyes and was afraid they could spill over, so he loosened up his fists, led Deucalion to his allocated place and tied him up. He caressed his neck one last time before leaving the stable in a hurry.  
That picture burned itself in perpetuity in his mind, he knew it. And he also knew, that it tore his heart in two.

Nevena smiled brightly when she saw Hephaistion getting out of the barn but her smile quickly vanished when a single tear made its way down the boy’s cheek. She didn’t even need to ask what was going on. Hephaistion never cried. There wasn't a single situation that could make him cry but still there was someone who was able to shatter the poor boy’s heart into tiny pieces and don’t even give a second thought to it. If only Alexander wasn’t a prince she would kick him right into his royal jewels. Maybe that would do him some good and the spoiled brat would be finally able to see how easily he was hurting the only true friend he had. She sometimes couldn’t even believe how Hephaistion still was standing by Alexander’s side when the prince let him down so many times. Love was really stupid. Hephaistion was handsome enough that he could have practically anyone but he still was making sweet eyes at this bastard. “You poor thing”, she sighed and hugged Hephastion tight, not caring if it was appropriate or not. ‘’You should find yourself someone better. Someone who will take care of you’’, she murmured and gently wiped the boy’s cheek with her thumb. ‘’What did he do this time?’’ Nevena wasn’t even sure if she wanted to know because Alexander sometimes could be really cruel but she had the feeling that this time it was something really big if it made Hephaistion cry. She even already thought about how to poison the prince a little. Maybe suffering from diarrhea would give him some time to think about his mistakes. 

Hephaistion hugged his female best friend back and buried his nose in her neck. He immediately felt a little bit better, human contact always helped, especially when it came from people he loved.  
And there weren't a lot of people he truly loved and trusted, to be honest, there was only one and he didn't even like him back.  
„He did what he wanted to do... you know him, Nevena.“  
He sighed and inhaled deeply. He had to get over him. There was no need to pity himself and bath in depressions.  
After what felt like an eternity, Hephaistion let go of his friend and tried to smile. He could do this. He had to do this. He would shut his feelings away and put up a wall around himself that no one would ever be able to break.

‘’I hate him’’, she said honestly and took Hephaistion’s hand, leading him to her home. ‘’You should really stop following him like a lost puppy. He only breaks your heart over and over again. I don’t know how long your poor heart is going to withstand that.’’ She was puffing like an angry cat, glaring at the servants in her house who were getting in her way. ‘’Uh! How can he be so stupid?’’ She continued her complains while pushing the boy to her dorms. ‘’At least tell me that this…’’, she waved her hand at Hephastion’s face. ‘’That he didn’t do it. Or I am really going to make him pay.’’ Nevena let out an angry breath and ordered her servant to bring her some ointment for Hephaistion's bruises. Royal or not, Alexander had no right to hit his friend, especially because Hephaistion would never do anything to upset or hurt his prince. 

A sigh left Hephaistion's lips and he smiled weakly as she finished her rant. „Nevena... he is still your prince and future king... you mustn't speak of him like that, especially not publicly. What if some general would hear your words? I don't want you to get hurt.“  
He caught one of her hands and held it tightly, putting all the concern over her in his eyes. Then he slightly shook his head.  
„No... Alexander did not hit me. I misbehaved and had to pay for it. It isn't even that bad, I'll heal.“  
He closed his eyes as Nevena started to clean and vet his bruises, his lip even started bleeding again as he had started to wear it.  
Hephaistion felt a sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach when he thought of Alexander.  
Was he still occupied with that boy? He wondered what he was doing.  
He hissed muted as a flash of pain exploded in his ribs.  
„Nevena“, he whispered and lifted his robe, bringing a huge deep blue bruise to the surface which covered almost his whole left side.  
„Could you maybe take care of this?“

‘’For God’s sake!’’ Nevena's eyes widened in shock when she saw the big, ugly bruise which was painting her friend’s left side. ‘’Who did this to you?’’, she asked with concern in her voice as she quickly but gently lied Hephaistion down on her soft bed. ‘’You have a broken rib! You should not move, you fool!’’, she hissed, clearly furious at the boy’s lack of self concern. Although her moves were delicate as she was taking care of the bruise, trying not to cause him more pain. ‘’And you were riding on a horse in such a condition!’’ She sighed and shook her head in disbelief. How could Hephaistion be so careless about his own health? 

It felt horrible, Hephaistion determined, now that his body had come to rest. When he was moving, he could forget about all this pain, but lying down, he barely could keep his thoughts straight.  
„Is it really broken?“, he moaned, when Nevena put a bandage around his waist because he had to sit up for that. „It didn't feel like this... it only hurt a little.“  
He leaned back against the wall, still sitting on the bed, as he watched how Nevena put all the implements away. Then he sighed and laughed defeated.  
„Alexander wanted to go for a ride, how was I supposed to say no? You know I would to anything for him, he is my best friend. I would even allow him to kill me.“

‘’Stop saying stupid things like that!’’ She puffed her cheeks and smacked the back of Hephaistion’s head with a wet cloth. ‘’Your life is of more worth than his. He could have a hundred lifetimes and still not deserve you’’, she added with a firm voice, trying not to show how worried she was. But she was really afraid of the things Hephaistion was willing to do for Alexander. ‘’Lie down’’, she ordered, tucking him into the warm blankets. ‘’It’s probably not broken, given that you do not wallow in pain but I think it is at least cracked. So no more horse riding for you and I will bring you a healer. We can’t risk your health.’’ She kissed his head lightly and smiled a little. ‘’Do you want something? Food? Wine?’’ Nevena gently patted his hair, her anger immediately vanishing when she saw how much pain Hephaistion held in his beautiful eyes. And she knew that it wasn’t physical pain but a pain from a broken heart which made her sad because she knew that she wasn’t the one who could heal this wounds. 

Hephaistion woke up as it was already dusk. He blinked confused and looked around the room, before he sat up in the bed he was lying in and held his head.  
Right. Nevena took care of him after he had left the stable in tears. How could he forget that. But why did she leave him sleep that long? He still had duties to fulfill.  
Slowly, he got out of the bed to examine his face in the mirror and was glad to see that his bruises haven't gotten any worse. He still looked as beaten up as before, but his lips stopped bleeding and his swollen cheek already ebbed away. Still, his face wasn't pretty anymore. Ptolemy really did a good job.  
The boy put his upper clothes back on which Nevena had to get off of him and headed out of the door. He was starving, since he haven't eaten a single thing this day. Maybe he could get a servant to bring him something to eat to his dorms.  
On his way to his rooms he passed by Cassander who was smiling mockingly at him without saying a single word, not even a greeting. Asshole. Hephaistion bit a snarky comment back and headed down the hall, holding his side with a hand.  
Sighing, he looked out for a servant but he couldn't find a single one, not even when he went down the corridor which leaded to Philipp's rooms. 

‘’Next time I will kill you, bastard!’’ Philipp threw a ceramic vase at the wall and sent a glare towards his son. His voice was easily heard in the whole corridor. ‘’You disrespected me in front of the eyes of all Macedonians’ noblemen!’’ Another vase shattered into tiny pieces after colliding with the door. ‘’And you disrespected my queen!’’, he hollered with a furious expression on his face. ‘’She is not the queen!’’, Alexander responded in the moment of bravery but quickly retreated back to the corner of the room when his father took another vase. ‘’My mother is the only rightful queen’’, he added in a calmer voice. ‘’That witch?! She only wants my death! And that she will never have!’’, Philipp barked, throwing the vase in his son’s direction, totally blind in his rage. In the last moment, Alexander leaned down but one of the pieces painfully pierced the boy’s arm. He gritted his teeth in order not to scream but his heart was beating so fast that he thought that even his father was able to hear that. Philipp was breathing hard as he sat on his chair, trying to calm himself down. ‘’This time I will let you get away just with that’’, he said, looking at his son’s arm that was now painted with thick, warm blood. ‘’But next time I will kill you.’’ The cruel certainty in his voice made Alexander shiver. He quickly stood up and bowed a little before walking out of the room. He took a deep, shaking breath, glad that there was no one in his surroundings who would see him in his moment of weakness. The fear was still not allowing him to move but he quickly jerked his head up when he felt that someone was watching him. ‘’Phai…’’, he said hoarsely but quickly looked away when the memory from the barn hit him like a stone to his head. He didn’t know what to do now and was silently praying that Hephaistion would simply leave. He had enough humiliation for one day. 

Hephaistion stilled when the door opened and a wounded Alexander came out of his father's room. His gaze immediately flicked to the other's arm, when his eyes widened in shock as he saw the blood running down his skin.  
At first he wanted to run towards him and take care of him, as he always did. Always. But then he reconsidered and didn't move, at all. He only stood there, absorbing Alexander's face with his eyes.  
The other man didn't need him. Hephaistion knew that. Nevertheless, he did love him since they were little boys and he would do anything to make him feel better. Usually.  
His heart felt torn, he didn't know what to do now. He knew though, that he couldn't stand here any longer and stare at the prince.  
He just opened his mouth to ask Alexander if he should bring him a healer, since his wound was still bleeding, but then his golden prince said his name.  
And Hephaistion felt as if the ground beneath his feet was shaking. How could he use this nick name, after all he did do him, when he exactly knew what it did do his friend? Or, so-called friend.  
That's why he took a deep breath and straightened his back, looking Alexander straight into the eyes.  
„Don't call me that.“

Alexander looked at Hephaistion with pure shock in his eyes. He did not expect that. Not from his beloved friend. But he knew that he should have seen that coming and that he fully deserved to be treated that way. Although it still hurt so much, like a punch in the guts. ‘’I am sorry’’, he said after a long minute. These words felt odd on his tongue. He wasn’t used to be the one apologizing but right now he didn’t know what else he could say. Alexander wanted to say something more, tell Hephaistion how sorry he actually was and that the accident with the stable boy was a mistake and he was stupid for thinking that he had any right to act this way just because he was mad at Phai. But he couldn’t find the right words and something in his friend’s eyes told him that it was still too soon to fix the wounds. ‘’Sorry…’’, he repeated quietly and passed the older boy, heading straight to his dorms. He needed to clean himself and take care of the wound. 

Hephaistion closed his eyes as his counterpart apologized. This wasn't right. Alexander wasn't allowed to apologize to a subordinate and that's all he was in the end. A subordinate.  
And he let him know this as he spoke it out loud. As Alexander passed him by, although his heart was pounding hard against his chest to make him stop, to hug him, to claim him, only for himself, he let him pass but when the other one was a few steps away, he raised his voice once again.  
„What are you even sorry for?“  
He shook his head and laughed quietly. „It's not as if there has been anything between the two of us, was it?“ Miserably, he turned around and stroke his ribs, leaving the scenery and his beloved one behind.  
„Just, please. Let a healer see this.“, he pleaded in a low voice. 

_There hasn’t been anything between the two of us_  
Alexander closed his eyes and didn’t say anything. So he had been wrong since the beginning if Hephaistion considered their relationship as nothing. He wanted the earth to swallow him but of course nothing like this happened and the wound in his arm painfully reminded him of how alone he was. He just lost his only friend who, as it turned out, wasn’t really his friend. Alexander gritted his teeth and pulled out the piece of vase from his flesh. If Hephaistion wanted him to only be his prince then he would grant his wish.  
***  
Alexander was still feeling a little pain in his arm as he was making his way to the training court but he didn’t let the discomfort show on his face. His mother always taught him not to show his weaknesses to anyone because his enemies would be able to feel it and attack him like snakes. When he was little he wasn’t able to understand that but now, after Hephaistion’s words, he knew that she was right. He could trust no one. With a stony face he greeted Ptolemy and without a single glance at Hephaistion, he started his training with Cassander, showing the younger boy how much he still needed to learn. It was actually kind of boring to fight with Cassander. He was much more weaker than Hephastion and didn’t have his grace or ability to surprise the enemy. But still, it was a lot better than looking his old friend into the eyes and refreshing wounds that still weren’t healed. 

Hephaistion haven't slept at all that night. He just sat at his window, on the broad windowsill in his room, looking at the sky while tears stung in his eyes. But he didn't cry, he just thought of how his life should continue now. Now, that he lost everything he once loved. But he couldn't do this anymore.  
_It was the right decision to make_ , he reassured himself. No need to feel miserable.  
All the persuading he did to himself last night, that he could totally do this, faded away as Alexander entered the training court. He didn't even look at him and Hephaistion somehow felt relieved.  
But nevertheless, it hurt. Normally he would have smiled at him, but not today.  
Hephaistion leaned back against the wall and observed Alexander's fight with Cassander. The way his muscles moved, the concentrated look on his handsome face...  
The young man swallowed hard as he realized he was staring, so he quickly dropped his gaze and made himself as small as possible.  
He couldn't participate in the training today, he even had a talk with Ptolemy about it, so he wouldn't make him fight. His side still hurt and he couldn't even take deep breaths because if he did, his ribs would make him cringe.  
So he just sat there alone in the shadows, breathing shallowly.

Alexander did better than he thought he would be able to. Before the training he was a little unsure how long he would be able to keep his poker face. But thankfully Hephastion wasn’t taking part in the training. Although in the end, Alexander decided that it was a bad thing because he could constantly feel Phai’s eyes on himself and it was like he was able to see right through his façade and into his soul. The young prince hated that feeling especially because he was getting distracted and Cassander was using the gaps in his attacks against him. Of course, the younger boy still didn’t have any chances but it was frustrating. He refocused on his fight again but after a few minutes of aggressive sparring he made a mistake. He glanced towards Hephaistion and felt horrible when he saw how miserable the boy was looking. Of course Cassander took the chance and hit his wounded arm. Alexander hissed in pain and gripped his sword hard. With the blunt side of its blade he hit his sparring partner harder than it was necessary but still, he watched with sick satisfaction as the boy fell to the ground, losing his consciousness. Even Ptolemy seemed to be shocked with Alexander’s behavior but the prince didn’t care. ‘’I’m done for today’’, he simply said and headed to his dorms. He had a birthday feast to prepare.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys :)
> 
> This time, I will upload two chapters at once, because I decided to add a new chapter every monday, but last week... I somehow forgot about it, so now you will get two! :D
> 
> I hope that you still like it so far and will stay with us for a while.
> 
> Lots of love,  
> Yumi ♥

It was the morning of Alexander's birthday and Hephaistion felt as if he was going to puke. One week passed by without the two of them interacting, they didn't even speak a single word.  
Today his love was turning twenty years old and because of that, Philipp and Alexander himself planned a big event.  
Hephaistion felt insecure. Was he able – and allowed – to tell Alexander his wishes or should he just stay away like he did the whole week? Was he allowed to give him his present?  
His fingers caressed tenderly the fabric, lying on his chest under the mirror in his room.  
As insecure as he felt, he didn't even know if his former friend would even like it or if he'd just throw it away.

Later on, he got prepared for leaving his room by putting on his best silky clothes, brading his hair and even coaling his eyes a bit, because he knew how much Alexander liked this look on him. He always was telling him how beautiful he looked, and maybe he could use this for his advantage tonight.  
With shaking hands he grabbed the present, put it in a pleat of his clothes and went straight for the hall where the event should be happening.  
As he entered the room he was aware that many of the present women – and men – were watching him admiring. He looked like his old self these days, the bruises weren't visible anymore and his lips were perfect as ever.  
Hephaistion even curled latter into a small smile, which he wasn't used to anymore and blinked at a young boy who earned a slap on the back of his head for gawping at him.

A bright smile formed on Alexander’s lips when he saw Hephaistion entering the room. He was already a little drunk and a little lonely without his friend. None of his numerous companions were able to replace Phai and Alexander finally admitted that he missed him. But he was too proud to tell it aloud. However now he was pleasantly relaxed because of the wine and more talkative than he should be. ‘’Phai!’’, he yelled happily and quickly made his way toward his friend. ‘’I thought that you wouldn't come.’’ For a few seconds he was taking in the sight in front of him. Hephaistion looked like a god, better than most of the women gathered here. Alexander smiled playfully and kissed his friend fervently. ‘’I missed you’’, he murmured quietly when he finally took a step back. ‘’You need to drink with me’’, he added, putting a warm hand on Phai’s cheek and smiling even more widely. He wanted things between them to be the same as they were only two weeks ago and he was willing to do anything to make that happen. 

Hephaistion was taken aback as his prince rushed towards him and kissed him. What... happened here? He thought Alexander wouldn't even share a look with him and now he was kissing him? The boy's heart started to beat faster, when he leaned into the kiss, tasting the wine on his lips.  
Okay. That's why Alexander changed his mind. At first, it made him sad, but Hephaistion could totally live with that if that meant that he could spend some time with Alexander.  
Even though he was confused at first, he now decided to go with it. Even if it only lasted for tonight, he could at least have his old friend back for a few hours.  
„I missed you, too“, he answered and smiled a bit. From the corner of his eye he noticed how Cassander pulled a face at their reunion. His smile grew even wider.  
„Then hand me a cup of wine, my prince.“  
He followed Alexander to the place where he had his seat and sat down next to him. A few seconds later, the boy who stared at him brought him the requested wine and smiled shyly at him. Hephaistion examined him, his pretty face and those big black eyes. „Come sit with us. What is your name?“ He took a gulp of his beverage and cocked his head to the side, exposing his neck and jawline while he let his gaze wander seductively over the boy's body.  
„G- Goran, sir.“, the boy answered coyly.  
Hephaistion let his gaze flicker to Alexander and thought a few seconds about him and the stable boy he caught in the act and shrugged inwardly. Alexander wouldn't mind if Hephaistion had a bit fun himself, would he?

Alexander, in a much better mood now, embraced Phai and snuggled him closer to himself. For a few minutes he was drinking his wine and listening to a story of some of his companion and laughed even if he wasn’t completely sure what was so funny. But the wine made his head pleasantly dizzy so he didn’t care if the story really was that funny. ‘’Phai…’’, he started, turning to his friend and quickly regaining his senses when he saw his friend flirting with some cute servant boy. He frowned and shot a glare toward the boy but he didn’t seem to notice. Moreover, he was blushing and clumsily flirting back with _Alexander's_ Phai. Jealousy hit Alexander hard and he quickly pulled Hephaistion back to himself, right where he belonged. ‘’Do you want more wine?’’, he murmured into the older boy’s ear, embracing him a little stronger. It was the first time when he saw that his friend was interested in someone who wasn’t Alexander and it made him furious. Actually he didn’t know why he was so possessive. They were only friends and Phai was allowed to have lovers but somehow Alexander didn’t like the idea of Hephaistion being with someone else than him. 

Hephaistion just wanted to thank the boy after he complimented him on his beautiful eyes, as he felt how Alexander pulled him back. He flailed his arm a bit because he lost his balance and looked the other man in the face. To stabilize himself, he placed his hand on Alexander's thigh, putting a playful smile on his lips.  
„I would be pleased to have more wine. May I?“ He blinked at Alexander from under his lashes, leaned over and took the cup out of the other's hand before drinking the rest of the wine in one gulp.  
After that, he licked his lips and handed the cup back to his friend. If Alexander wanted to behave like a jealous lover, he was totally in for a little flirt. Whether with Alexander or Goran, he didn't know. Time would show.  
Hephaistion leaned back against Alexander's chest, feeling how the alcohol slowly dazed his mind. He started to pet his thigh, fondling it with his finger. If he got to have a little cozy time with Alexander, he wouldn't mind. A little cuddling couldn't do any damage, could it?  
„Tell me, Goran“, he said while he reached for latter's hand, mingling their fingers together.  
„How old are you and what is your duty here?“  
Hephaistion listened carefully to the boy, chuckling from time to time and pulling him closer to himself a little, while he still caressed Alexander.  
„Would you mind giving me more wine, Alexander?“, he asked coyly as he cocked his head back to look at him. „I'm having such a great time here. Right, Goran?“ The boy nodded nervously, his thumb drawing steady circles on Hephaistion's skin.

‘’Of course’’, Alexander barked through gritted teeth. He didn’t like the way Hephastion was touching the boy. It was clearly an intimate touch. ‘’Goran, bring us some grapes’’, he ordered, knowing well that the fruits were on the opposite side of the room. He wasn’t even subtle about his wish to get rid of the boy so he hoped that Goran would pick up the clue and never return with the grapes. Now, he wanted Hephastion all to himself so he kissed his long neck, inhaling Phai’s unique scent and poured him some more wine. ‘’Drink, Phai.’’ He smiled, pleased with the way the older boy’s fingers were caressing his thigh. It made his dick twitch in interest especially now, when the curious hand was wandering closer to his crotch. Alexander wondered if he was doing it on purpose as a revenge or if he really wanted to court the prince but he didn’t give it much thoughts, simply enjoying the sensation. ‘’Do you want something else?’’, he asked, ignoring everyone when his hand slipped discretely under Hephastion’s clothes. He started to gently massage his right side, testing how far he could go without being rejected. 

A disappointed expression crossed Hephaistion's face as Goran was sent away by Alexander. He liked the boy! He was cute and admired him openly, he even thought about taking him with him to his dorms later when he'd leave the party... but sadly, Alexander crossed his plans.  
„Hey... I really liked him, you know? You didn't have to send him away... Who am I going to listen to now?“  
Smiling, he tilted his head more to the side as he felt Alexander's lips touching his neck and sighed. It felt way too good now to feel bad about the fact that Alexander didn't look at him at all for the past few days, yet he couldn't stop thinking about this. Would this change something between them? Would his prince talk to him again, even without any alcohol in his blood?  
Hephaistion moaned quietly when he felt Alexander's finger underneath his clothes. He didn't expect that to happen, he thought he was only teasing him a bit and now the prince was already touching him? Blue eyes looked at Alexander in confusion, then he turned around, facing Alexander and locking eyes with him.  
Hephaistion thought that he could tell himself he mattered to Alexander, even if it would hurt him in the end when he would get dumped the next day after getting a bit intimate with him. But that's all it was, wasn't it? Getting a little intimate. This wasn't bad. They were friends after all.  
Clearing his throat descretely, he licked his lower lip and stared at Alexander's mouth, whose hand still gave him goose bumps.  
„More wine. Make me drink it.“

‘’You look so beautiful tonight, Phai. I can’t take my eyes off of you’’, Alexander murmured quietly, holding his friend’s gaze. He wasn’t very drunk now but still he was drunk enough to say what was on his mind. Alexander smiled and never broke the eye contact, took a few sips from his cup and leaned forward until his lips touched Phai’s soft ones. With a pleased purr he shared the wine with his friend, now massaging gently his belly. Finally no one was stealing Hephastion’s attention so he was taking his time, slowly kissing the other boy. When he finally pulled away, it was only because he needed air. ‘’I wanted to do this for a long time’’, he said in a low voice, looking hungrily at Phai’s parted lips, which were a bit swollen from the kiss. ‘’You taste even better that I imagined’’, he nearly purred, now dragging his mouth along Phai’s neck, unable to keep himself from touching the older boy. He wanted to devour him and see him come apart underneath him. If he would have been sober he would never let these thoughts out of his head but now he felt bold enough to tell Phai everything he wanted to do to him. ‘’You smell so good’’, he continued his praising, gathering Phai in his arms and after a little while he started to suck on his neck, wanting to leave his mark there so everyone would see that Hephaistion was off limits. He liked that thought even more when he heard a sweet moan escaping his friend’s lips. 

Hephaistion could feel his cheeks heaten up, be it because of the wine or Alexander's coaxing. It was impossible to resist this beautiful man that was giving himself to Hephaistion like that. However, it was pretty unusual for Alexander to be upfront with him about his feelings; usually, he kept things like that to himself. But Hephaistion couldn't say that he didn't like this side of his loved one. And he liked it a lot.  
After he threw every concern overboard, the young man closed his eyes, placing one hand on Alexander's neck, while his other fingers squeezed his thigh once again, this time with more force. Then, he kissed him back with all he got. Alexander's lips were softer than he'd ever expected them to be and they opened willingly under his own mouth as he tilted his head to the side to have better access for tasting those lips with his tongue.  
He nearly grumbled when Alexander pulled back from him but his sucking at his neck made it totally less dramatic. Passionately, he pressed himself even closer to him while tugging slightly at his hair. But that wasn't enough.  
Hephaistion simply swung his leg over Alexander's lap and sat down on it so that he was able to sit astride on top of him. His fingers still buried in the other's hair, he leaned forward to lick over his pulse before whispering into his ear: „Don't you care about what the others might think of us?“

Alexander embraced Hephaistion and one of his hands quickly placed itself on the boy’s round, firm ass. The prince sighed with delight and kissed his friend once again, keeping him close all the time like he was afraid that Phai would change his mind. ‘’I only want you, Phai’’, he murmured, squeezing his butt lightly and with joy in his eyes. Hephaistion had a really beautiful body and Alexander had a sudden urge to explore every centimeter of him. ‘’They can say what they want but I desired you for so long… I can’t wait anymore’’, he sighed, looking into his friend’s eyes. He was backing off for too long and when Hephastion came into the room, charming and beautiful, he seemed to have broken the last remainings of Alexander’s willpower which was keeping him away from his friend. Kissing wasn’t enough, obviously, but even in his drunken state he wasn’t bold enough to just take Phai to his room and ruin him for anyone else. ‘’We can just go to my dorms so they won’t see us.’’ Alexander smiled and pressed a soft kiss to his friend’s lips. ‘’If you want…’’, he added, giving him a way out even though he was sure that he wouldn’t be able to just let him go. He desired him too much for too long. 

Alexander's words made him melt right away into a puddle of goo. Hephaistion knew that this was the alcohol that made him talk like this, but he didn't care anymore.  
He ground himself down on Alexander's lap and gasped as he could feel his half hard manhood. His eyes immediately flickered downwards and he couldn't hold back the grin that was making its way on his face. So he would finally get what he wanted for a long time.  
„Okay“, he whispered as he got up and pulled his friend along with him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the second chapter, first time the rating kicks in. 
> 
> See you next week (hopefully!). :)

Hephaistion entered the room first, and as soon as Alexander closed the door behind them, he practically threw himself against the broad chest and kissed him senseless.  
While exploring his mouth with feverish kisses, Hephaistion tried to get rid of Alexander's clothes, which wasn't as easy as he wished it would be.  
He caressed the exposed skin as soon as he could reach it and let his hands drop down over the muscular chest.  
„You are so beautiful“, he whispered as he licked the blond's throat, biting his way down to his stomach while his fingers undid his trousers.  
He could feel his heart beating loud in his ears and the wine made his moves a bit dizzy, but he couldn't care less.   
He bit his lips as he groped Alexander through the fabric, closing his eyes in awe since he still couldn't believe that he was doing this.  
„What do you want me to do, Alexander?“, he puffed his hot breath over his crotch.  
„Tell me what you want me to do.“  
Hephaistion needed the last affirmation that he wasn't dreaming, that he was actually allowed to touch him, to worship him, to suck him off, just like he wanted to.

Alexander was looking at Hephastion with a mix of desire and disbelief on his face because his mind still was having a hard time to catch up with the fact that Phai really was there, for him. He felt so powerful with this knowledge. ‘’Phai…’’ He said his name like a prayer, still trying to figure out what to do with his hands. Never before he felt that way. Happiness was seizing his heart and he was feeling like it was his first time doing this. ‘’You have way too many clothes covering your body’’, he said finally, tearing at the silky robe. It was a beautiful piece of clothing but now it was only getting in his way. ‘’Your body is amazing, Phai’’, he murmured when he finally had this beautiful man naked in front of him. He groaned when wet, hot lips started to kiss his chest. He wanted them to keep going but right now he had more urgent things to take care of. ‘’I want you to suck me’’, he said in low voice, massaging Phai’s ass. ‘’I want to see your pretty lips sucking on me.’’ Alexander gave him a smack on his butt cheek and kissed him hard, demanding his obedience. 

Hephaistion grinned into the kiss as he felt Alexander's hand on his ass. He could feel that he was already leaking but it was more important for him to satisfy his lover now than to get off himself.  
That's why he immediately dropped to his knees and ripped his pants off. He literally could feel arousal boiling up between his own legs as he finally got to see Alexander's cock right in front of him. He nearly pinched himself just to see if he wasn't dreaming.  
„You want me to suck you off?“, he asked, voice filled with want. He looked up at his face, lifting his hand to wrap it around the base of his cock before carefully starting to rub him.  
„Do you want to take my face over and over again until you'll be coming?“  
Hephaistion grinned cocky and bit his lips before he licked along the underside of Alexander's hardness, slowly moving his tongue over a vein. Alexander tasted amazingly good. So good Hephaistion knew exactly he wouldn't get enough of. Ever.  
He was totally okay with doing this, though. He couldn't remember ever feeling more sexually satisfied than now and they barely even have started.  
„Then do it“, he said, before swallowing him down in one go, until he could feel Alexander hit the back of his throat.  
„Use me.“

‘’Dear gods’’, Alexander groaned, hearing Hephaistion’s words. He would have never believed that such dirty words escaped the boy’s lips if he hadn’t heard them by himself. It was almost surreal but he sure as hell enjoyed every second of it. ‘’Do it, Phai. Suck me’’, he ordered when his friend dropped to his knees in front of him. It was the most beautiful sight he ever saw and he had a lot of former lovers but no one could compare to Hephastion. He nearly forgot how to breath when Phai’s skilled tongue started to lick on his heavy erection. ‘’Yes… Just like that. Show me how much you love me’’, he purred, tucking his fingers in the other boy’s hair. He moaned loudly when he felt the wet heat of his lover’s mouth around his dick. It was a nearly perfect sensation but he needed more so Alexander grabbed a handful of his friend’s hair and started to move his hips, at first slowly but when he saw that Phai had no problem with swallowing him whole, the prince started to use his mouth as he pleased, concentrated on his pleasure but never breaking the eye contact with his lover. Hephastion’s eyes were even more beautiful now; shiny and filled with tears. And Alexander could see the boy’s cock, proudly erect between two strong thighs. He absently licked his lips, trying not to come too soon. The prince needed to burn that image of Phai in his mind because it was simply perfect. 

Alexander's moans and his voice were enough to let Hephaistion's dick twitch in excitement. Hard as he thought he never were before in his life, he was leaking pre-come while he went down on him vigorously. Glancing at his face through his lashes, he held his gaze with Alexander who was now starting to thrust his hips forward.  
Hephaistion had the feeling he would melt right away. He felt so hot, being sure that his face was totally flushed and his lips puffy from the sucking and kissing before. But he didn't care, cause apparently Alexander enjoyed himself very much.  
Hephaistion didn't break the eye contact with him as he losened up his throat and swallowed. As he heard Alexander's response, a nearly screamed moan of pleasure, he hummed slightly in satisfaction, knowing exactly that it would send waves of fullfilment down his spine.  
With shaking hands he opened his own pants, gripping himself tightly and starting to grind his cock in the same pace Alexander was thrusting into his mouth.

‘’No!’’, Alexander barked when he saw that Hephaistion started to touch himself. He quickly pulled back, watching as his cook left Phai’s mouth with an obscene, wet sound. At once, he started to miss his friend’s perfect lips but now he had more urgent things to do. ‘’Only I can touch you down there’’, he murmured and without much effort he lifted the older boy up and tossed him gently onto his big bed. Phai didn’t even have time to bounce once before Alexander was back on him, pressing him down into the mattress with his body. ‘’I’m going to make you feel so good’’, he said, giving his lover a cocky and confident smile but before Hephaistion had time to respond, Alexander was kissing him again, passionately and demanding. The prince rubbed their erections together and grinned when the other boy moaned into his mouth. It was the most arousing sound he ever heard. He reached between their bodies and squeezed their erections together, gaining even more sweet moans from Hephaistion. 

Hephaistion licked his lips and stretched his jaw a bit. Now that it wasn't occupied anymore, it started feeling raw, but he didn't have enough time to think about it, because one second after his body hit the bed he already felt Alexander mounting him.   
The urge to touch himself was overwhelming, his cock now flushed and red against his own stomach. Moaning, he tried to get friction by rubbing himself against Alexander, arching his back.  
„You want to make me feel good? Why is it then that I can't feel anything except for an unsatisfied throbbing cock?“  
Hephaistion clawed his fingers into the sheets as Alexander finally touched him. The feeling of their touching cocks nearly made him lose his mind. A bawdy moan escaped his lips as he threw his head back, exposing his neck and not holding back anymore.  
He just wanted to come.  
„Faster“, he groaned, getting his own hand between them, closing his fingers around Alexander's wrist. „I want to come.“

Alexander chuckled breathlessly and kissed his lover hard. ‘’Have you ever been with man?’’, he asked, squeezing their cooks hard. ‘’Has someone made love to you?’’ Alexander continued his kissing down Phai’s neck and collarbone, tasting his salty, flawless skin. He wanted much more than that but wasn’t sure if his friend was okay with his wishes. Alexander moaned again when Phai clasped his thighs around the prince’s waist, urging him to move faster and harder. The friction was ideal but the thought of burying himself in the prefect ass of his lover made Alexander crazy with want. He nearly came at the image of making love to Phai like that. He felt his cook twitching with anticipation and leaking even more pre-come. ‘’God, Phai, I want you so bad’’, he gasped and bit lightly the other boy’s arm, leaving even more marks. ‘’I want to be inside of you’’, he said with pure want in his voice, looking into Hephastion’s eyes. 

„What...?“, Hephaistion whispered, when the meaning of Alexander's words made their way through his fogged mind. „N- no...“  
Sure, he had been together with other men, in an intimate way, but usually he only let them suck him off, or on good days, vice versa. Sometimes, he fucked them. But it never occured to him to let another man sleep with him, claiming his body like that.  
Insecure, he looked into Alexander's eyes, lowering his back and bringing some distance between the two of them. He wasn't sure if he wanted this. The only thing he knew was that he deeply was in love with Alexander and didn't want to ruin the fragile friendship they apparently had. They haven't talked for days, it felt like a dream doing this with him now, but Alexander was drunk and didn't know what he was talking about.  
„I- I don't think I want this, Alexander“, he muttered quietly, pushing softly against the other man's chest with both of his hands. He somehow felt scared, his erection now slowly starting to fade.  
He couldn't even look him in the eyes anymore as shame burned his face.

‘’Don’t be ashamed Phai’’, Alexander murmured quietly, caressing his thigh lightly with his hand. ‘’I will be gentle, I promise.’’ He kissed him once again, looking at him with eyes dark from alcohol and desire, which was a proof that he wasn’t going to keep his words. The prince quickly flipped his lover onto his belly and kissed the gap between his shoulder blades. ‘’I will show you how much I love you...’’ Alexander rubbed himself against Phai’s ass and took a jar from the nightstand. He opened it and poured a generous amount of oil between Hephastion’s butt cheeks. ‘’You’re going to look so beautiful on my cock’’, he said in a husky voice, pushing his finger into Phai’s tight hole without a warning. ‘’Oh gods… you’re so tight.’’ A stream of words was leaving his mouth as he worked his finger into his lover even when he felt that Hephaistion was trying to get away. But he didn’t care now. His mind was too foggy from all the wine and sexual frustration to care if Phai was comfortable or not. Alexander just wanted to fuck him senseless and he always got what he wanted. This time wouldn’t be any different. 

Hephaistion shook his had and tried to put more force into his pushing, but Alexander didn't even seem to notice that he tried to get away.  
He nearly screeched as the blond turned him over and he tried to crawl away, but as soon as he felt foreign fingers on his butt he totally lost it.  
„Alexander!“, he shouted. „Alexander, get off of me!“ But the other male didn't hear him. Instead, he unquestioned let his finger slip inside of him. His eyes widened in shock as he tried to get rid of him, but it was useless.  
In horror, he felt how a second finger was added to the first one. Alexander couldn't be serious. No. No way, he did not want this to happen.  
„Alexander!“ He gripped the others arm hard and dug his fingernails in his skin until in nearly broke, but the prince was in such a haze he kept going.  
Hephaistion squinted his eyes and felt tears burning in them. No way he would get raped by his best friend now. Or, no. Not by his best friend, by the prince. Because this clearly wasn't his Alexander anymore.  
He felt his hot breath on his neck as he started to try to turn over, and he nearly made it. But as soon as he could catch a glimpse of Alexander's face, latter pushed him face down again into the mattress.  
It made no sense, he was too weak from this position, with Alexander pressing him into the mattress with the weight of his body. He couldn't get away from here.  
„Alexander, please stop!“ He reached behind him and tried to fling him off of him, but he only managed to claw at the other's shoulder. His voice sounded wrecked, as he cried out Alexander's name again.

‘’You’re so beautiful like this, Phai...’’ Alexander pushed him into the mattress again without caring about his discomfort. ‘’Scream my name. I want to hear that’’, he murmured into his ear and gave his ass a hard smack with his free hand. Satisfied with Hephaistion’s screams and his red from the slap cheek, Alexander added his third finger, quickly working him open. ‘’I can’t wait anymore’’, he breathed out after a minute and finally pulled out his fingers from his friend’s flushed body. His dick never was so hard and it was leaking pre-come all over Hephaistion’s thigh. Alexander honestly could tell that he never wanted anyone so badly in his life as he now wanted his friend. ‘’I want you so bad, Phai.’’ Alexander put his hands on the boy’s hips and pulled him closer. ‘’If you could only see yourself… you are so gorgeous’’, he murmured and shoved his hard dick into the boy's tight hole. Alexander moaned loudly when Hephastion tightened on him. He nearly came from this sensation but quickly got himself together and started to move his hips, not even giving his lover time to adjust. The prince was too gone in his lust. 

Hephaistion couldn't even scream anymore the moment Alexander entered him. The pain was overwhelming and he choked on the sob he didn't want to let out of his throat.  
He stared at the sheets in front of him, clutching it with both of his hands and screaming on the inside.   
How could Alexander do this to him? He clearly enjoyed himself, raping his once best friend.   
Hephaistion was sure he could never look him in the eyes again. His heart was full of shame and self hatred, with him asking himself why he agreed to follow Alexander to his rooms. He should have known what kind of effect alcohol had on his friend, but he had been so happy that Alexander was talking to him again, that he didn't give it another thought – which had been a mistake, like he noticed now.  
He felt how his friend started to thrust into him, moaning obscenely into his ear.  
Without saying another word or making a single sound, he stilled beneath Alexander's heavy body and finally set his tears free, accepting the fact that he wouldn't be able to stop him, let alone get away from him.  
And this realization made him feel disgusted with himself.

“Phai!’’ Alexander moaned with every thrust. He was so lost in his pleasure that he didn’t even notice the metallic smell of blood. Hephastion’s body was just made for him and he already could feel his building orgasm. ‘’Oh gods!’’, he nearly screamed and stilled when his orgasm hit him hard and his vision went white. It took him a few long minutes to return to his senses. ‘’S’good’’, he breathed out, leaning his head on Phai’s back. ‘’You are so good. I love you...’’ He pulled out his softening cook from his friend's abused ass and only then he noticed the trail of blood that was leaking from Hephaistion’s bruised hole. It was like a bucket of cold water. Alexander could feel himself sobering up in a record time. ‘’Phai…’’ he started quietly. ‘’What have I done?’’ He felt hot tears on his cheeks. ‘’Don’t move, Phai. I will call for a healer.’’ Alexander quickly rose up from the bed and covered the other boy’s lower parts with a blanket. ‘’Just… don’t move.´’  
And with that, he left the room and hurried to call for a healer.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaand... another monday. Incredible how quickly time flies.

It was completely dark in his room, only the moon lit through his window, but its light didn't reach the bed. Hephaistion was lying under his blankets, in a fetal curl, his eyes screwed shut and his hands fisted tightly in his sheets.   
His whole body hurt as if he was one single bruise. He was lying here ever since he was brought into his rooms by the healer, who cleaned him up and took care of his wounds. The cooling unction did its work but Hephaistion could still feel the penetrating thrusts Alexander performed not long ago. He still could feel his fingers, digging into the skin of his hips, he still felt his hot breath on his neck and heard his lustful moans.  
It even got worse when he closed his eyes, but when he pressed his fingers on his eyelids, the bursting colors made it better, at least a bit.  
He didn't speak a single word since the healer shooed Alexander out of his own rooms where the incident happened, only then he asked him some questions, but Hephaistion didn't answer. He was just staring blankly in front of him like he would be doing now if he wasn't alone. But he was and that fact allowed him to let his pain out, even if it was in a silent way.  
He felt miserable and the only thing he wanted to do now, was to die.

Alexander wasn’t leaving his room for three days straight. He refused to eat or drink. He didn’t even allow his mother to see him. He was just a shadow of himself. The prince actually couldn’t believe what he had done. It was so unrealistic but at the same time he remembered every second of what happened. It didn’t help that he was drunk back then because somehow all the images from that night were burned in his memory for good. And it was making him want to puke. Alexander felt like a trash, still refusing to believe what he had done. Hephastion was his friend for Gods’ sake! Even in his drunken state he shouldn’t have done something so horrible! And now he felt like a total coward because he wasn’t brave enough to at least check on Phai. Actually, he was sure that the older boy didn’t want to see him but still, he should show him that he cared and that he was sorry. So after three long days of wallowing in self hate, the prince finally got a grip on himself and made his way to Phai’s dorms. Alexander stood in front of the doors for at least half an hour before he gathered his courage and knocked lightly. It was about time to apologize but he wasn’t sure if he was able to stand seeing how broken Phai probably was. It made his heart clench with fear and self hate but he needed to do that even if it would be the last time he would be allowed to talk to his friend. 

The knocking came out of nowhere and it nearly startled Hephaistion to death. For a moment he remained still in his bed before he hesitatingly lifted his head. He had no clue who would knock at his door, especially not this late. And the healer wouldn't knock because he knew the boy wouldn't answer. So, who was this?  
His heart was beating like a mad rabbit in his chest, as he sat up in his bed, well-considered about the fact that he couldn't sit straight. Nervously, he clutched his fingers into his blanket with which he covered himself before opening his mouth for the first time in hours. He didn't know how much time really passed since he was only lying in his bed, not moving at all, not eating. He simply stared at the wall and did nothing, except for drowning in self hatred.  
His voice was hoarse and raspy when he finally decided to use it. „Come in.“  
Clearly expecting the healer, who maybe wanted to check on his wounds again, he leaned back against the mountain of pillows behind his back, staring at the still closed door.

Alexander took a deep breath and walked in, slowly. He wasn’t sure what to expect but the sight of Hephaistion, miserable and obviously scared, made his chest clench with guilt. He immediately regretted coming here. He should have waited a little bit more, at least until Phai’s condition would be better because the boy never liked to be seen in his weak moments just like Alexander. ‘’Can I talk to you?’’, he asked after a long minute of awkward silence. The tension in the room nearly didn’t allow him to breathe properly but he needed to talk to Hephastion so he took a few steps towards the bed but quickly stopped in his tracks as the other boy’s eyes widened in fear. ‘’I only wanted to apologize’’, he said quickly, taking a small step back. ‘’I won’t hurt you anymore.’’ He was certain of this because earlier he promised to himself that he would never again lay a finger on Hephastion. Also he was sure that the older boy won’t come close to him ever again. 

As soon as the door opened, Hephaistion knew who was entering his room without even seeing him. His body immediately stiffened and his eyes widened in shock.  
 _No_ , it went through his head like a mantra. _No no no_.  
Gasping, he averted his gaze, away from the broken looking figu- wait, what? No way was he thinking that Alexander looked broken or hurt, he was the cause of his problems, of his pain, of his agony. And now he was simply coming to him and – _apologized_?!  
Hephaistion couldn't believe it. His heart clenched painfully as he moved his body and turned his back to the prince, backing away as far as possible, at the higher end of his bed.  
„No, go away“, he sobbed into his hands which he lifted to cover his face, his swollen eyes caused from all the crying. The boy hid his face in the pillows and screamed until his throat hurt. He was full of pain and Alexander _only wanted to apologize_. It simply had to be a joke, a very bad one.  
Breathing heavily while being shaken through his sobs, he gritted: „Go away, demon.“

“Hephaistion, I’m really sorry!’’ Alexander tried to keep his voice steady but it cracked on the last word. “I wasn’t myself that night. Otherwise I would have never done anything to hurt you!” He came a little closer. Phai’s painful screams were making his heart break in two. He wanted to comfort his friend… well, now probably a former friend but he wasn’t sure if he wouldn’t just scare him even more. Beside the fact that Hephaistion just called him a demon… He was actually right. Alexander was a spoiled demon who could only hurt people. But he never wanted to hurt Phai. ‘’You should lie still’’, he said in the end, averting his gaze. The other boy’s cries became a little more quiet but he still seemed to be unable to catch a breath. ‘’I can call for a healer if you want.’’ He took another step forward and looked closer at Hephastion. The boy really looked like a shadow of himself and probably lost a lot of weight and all that because of Alexander. 

„That is a very lousy excuse, don't you think? You weren't yourself? Of course you were yourself, you can't excuse this just because you drank too much wine!“, Hephaistion spit out, his voice like venom. His blood was boiling in his veins by now, after he heard Alexander's words. „That's so typical, the prince is allowed to do what he wants, but what if people get hurt? You. Don't. Care. That is your problem. Or, let me guess, it's not even a problem for you, you selfish bastard.“  
He screwed his eyes shut when he felt that the other man approached him, tears still running down his face.  
„You are the worst. You take what you want, without even asking other people. It was always like that, you are a twisted little brat. And you know what the worst thing is?“  
Hephaistion got up and grabbed a little dish from the nightstand beside his bed and threw it furiously in Alexander's direction.  
„That I fucking love you. Even now, after all you have done to me. But it shatters my heart to know that I am nothing to you. That our friendship didn't mean a single thing to you.“  
His voice got smaller and weaker by every word he spoke.  
„That I am nothing more than a toy for you.“

Alexander easily dodged the dish and sat slowly down on Hephaistion’s bed. The urge to comfort his friend was overwhelming. ‘’I know that I’m a spoiled brat but you are not a toy to me, Hephaistion, and you know that’’, he said quietly, gently wiping the other boy’s cheeks with his thumbs. Even in such a miserable state, Phai was still unbelievably beautiful. ‘’You are the best thing that happened to me and I know that I don’t deserve you but I just wanted you to know how much you mean to me.’’ Alexander adjusted the pillows and leaned back a little to give Phai some space. He wanted to hug him but he was sure that he would be punched for touching him like that. The healer told him that his friend would need a lot of time to be able not to react with anger to the touching. Alexander really broke him… ‘’I can go if you want’’, he said quietly, watching as Phai was trying to get a grip on himself. It was heartbreaking to watch someone who was always so strong and proud now being so small and miserable. 

„What am I supposed to think now, Alexander? You say that I am not a toy, but that's exactly how you behaved. You used me and didn't ask about my feelings.“  
Hephastion quivered when he felt Alexander's hand on his face and leaned away, closing his eyes. That touch hurt like a shock he barely could handle. All those feelings came back, hitting him like a wave and made him feel like drowning in an instant. He gasped for air and fisted his right hand into his clothes, right where his heart was.  
„How much I mean to you?“, he echoed, sadly shaking his head. „You showed to me how much I mean to you...“  
His voice was barely audible, and he looked in Alexander's face, before he had to look away again because it simply hurt.  
„Please... don't lie to me. You made it very clear.“  
And Hephaistion didn't only mean the other night, he meant everything that happened.  
Even though he felt like that, betrayed, hurt and _raw_ , he somehow didn't want his former friend to leave. His heart tightened at the thought of Alexander leaving, but he couldn't bear him too near as well... Hephaistion really didn't know how to feel anymore.

‘’It wasn’t me. It was the alcohol’’, he tried to somehow convince his friend that he was speaking the truth. ‘’I care for you Phai, more than I care for anyone. You’re the only one who I can trust and who understands me. And believe me that I would do anything to get back in time so I would never hurt you’’, he said in a steady voice while looking into Hephaistion’s eyes. He needed him to know that, even if in the end Phai would choose to hate him. ‘’You were always like a brother to me. I love you and I don’t want to lose you.’’ Alexander took his friend’s hands into his and kissed them lightly. Hephaistion’s words made him scared of losing him. It was the first time in his life that he was scared of losing someone and he didn’t know what to do but this fear was overwhelming him and for the first time in his life he actually realized how much Hephaistion meant to him. ‘’I can’t lose you Phai. I’m too weak for that’’, he whispered, looking down at their connected hands. 

Hephaistion looked away, as soon as Alexander finished talking. Like a brother, huh. It was the alcohol. He loved him? Sure. Oh, and he was too weak for losing him? Unbelievable.  
He bristled with anger, yet he traced a scar on Alexander's hand with his thumb.  
„I can't... I can't to this anymore.“, he finally said with determination in his voice. He locked eyes with Alexander and swallowed down all the feelings that were lying on his tongue and waiting to get out.  
But he wouldn't tell his friend all the things he was dying to say. He still was hurt and heart broken and it wouldn't be easy for him to forgive, that's why he said those last thoughts out loud.  
„I need time. At the moment, I can't forgive you what you did to me. You aren't my friend anymore and I have to get myself together, especially my feelings, before I can consider forgiving you.“  
A heavy sigh left Hephaistion, his body shaking with it from all the crying.  
„I need time.“

‘’Okay. I will give you as much time as you need. But I want you to know that I will be always there for you.’’ Alexander rose up from the bed and looked at Hephastion. ‘’I hope that you will quickly recover’’, he added and headed to the doors but paused with hand on the doorknob. ‘’I am really sorry Hephaistion and I hope that someday you will be able to forgive me.’’ With those final words he left the room. His heart was beating hard and he felt tears in his eyes. It was pathetic but he just lost his only friend, the only person who was keeping him sane so he had a full right to feel bad about it. But he still hoped that maybe someday Hephaistion would forgive him and they would be brothers again.


	8. Chapter 8

Four weeks passed by without talking to or being alone with Alexander. Hephaistion simply needed the time by himself, without fearing his touches or startling when hearing his voice.  
He sought shelter in the library, always reading a book or writing a letter back home to his mother who was very happy about the fact that her son finally got the time to tell her what was going on. But he couldn't tell her the real reason why he withdrawed from everyone. So he came up with stories of being busy as the closest friend of the prince. That it was very tyring to keep an eye on him.  
Now was such a moment as well. He was sitting by the window, looking out and thinking about what to write, this time he addressed his brother.   
Hephaistion thought that maybe it was a good idea to invite him over to the palace. Maybe he could distract himself from thinking far too often about his friend.

Alexander opened the library’s doors soundlessly and put a little pug puppy on the floor. The dog was so tiny that it fitted in his palm. The prince quickly tied a ribbon around its neck and petted it lightly. ‘’Go’’, he whispered and stood up, watching as the pup ran happily towards the window where Hephaistion was sitting. Alexander knew that his former friend didn’t wish to see him even though it was his birthday today. Actually the prince tried to talk to him for a few times but Hephaistion seemed to always know where Alexander was so he could easily avoid him. The younger boy could just order him to finally meet him face to face but it was useless. Hephaistion was a tough one and would do exactly what was expected of him and nothing more. Beside Alexander didn’t want to gain his trust again by pushing him into something his former friend clearly had no desire to do. But still, he was so damn frustrated. Never before he felt so helpless and the lack of Phai’s attention was making him even more anxious. He needed Hephaistion as much as he needed air and he was finally brave enough to admit it if only Phai would listen to him… 

Signing the letter with a last swing of his feather, Hephaistion folded it and handed it over to a passing servant. So maybe his brother would be coming, he hadn't seen him in two years now. With a little smile on his face, the boy thought of the good old times back at home when they were younger. Leander was two years older than him and he kind of missed the bickering with his older brother.  
Hephaistion sighed and stretched his worn out arms from all the training he had been doing in the last weeks to improve his reflexes and strength. Closing his eyes, he didn't want to think about why exactly he was doing it. He told himself that he wasn't trying to be able to defend himself better, no matter in which condition or under which circumstances.  
When he lost himself in his dark thoughts once again, he suddenly felt a little fluffy something running around his legs and licking at his skin. Nearly losing his balance, he looked down on the floor and saw a tiny puppy panting at him, the big brown eyes in the cute little face staring into his own blue ones.  
„Hey, little guy“, he whispered smiling and reached down to pet the little dog gently on its head before lifting it carefully up to his lap.  
„Who are you? And how did you get here, huh?“ He scratched it behind the ears and noticed the ribbon around its neck. Then he stilled. The ribbon... it looked like the dog was a present. For him? Was it -   
Hephaistion's eyes widened in shock. He just couldn't have forgotten about his own birthday, could he? His head snapped to the door. This couldn't be true. Alexander.  
Was this an attempt to get him talk to him? Persuading him with a present? With a cute little dog Alexander just knew he couldn't resist?  
„You can't be serious“, he said with a steady voice. Even though the little dog was really cute and Hephaistion already liked the little guy, Alexander just couldn't give him a pet. This wasn't right.

Alexander send him a little apologetic smile. ‘’Happy birthday, Phai’’, he said and turned on his heels. He couldn’t stand the hurt look that was still visible in Hephaistion’s eyes. It made his chest clench witch guilt and some unknown emotion. He knew that he had acted like a coward. This was probably his chance to finally be able to talk to his former friend and he was running away but actually he was scared that Phai would push him away again and nothing would change. He still wasn’t prepared for that even though he already felt that he lost Hephaistion for good. ‘’Fuck!’’, he hissed, stopping abruptly. He was a goddamn prince and he should face his fears even if it would only make him feel worse. Alexander took a deep breath and entered the library once again. ‘’I didn’t mean to buy your favor by giving you this pup’’, he said, coming a little closer but still standing a few good meters away from Hephaistion. He didn’t need to scare him off. Again. ‘’I just wanted to celebrate your birthday like we used to. I hope you will like that dog.’’ Alexander looked at the overexcited puppy which was now licking Phai’s hand and waggling its tiny tail. He knew that the older boy would never resist the pug’s charm. He himself already liked him. 

Hephaistion couldn't hide the smile that was making its way on his lips when the pug started to lick his hand. It was really cute and of course he would like him. Alexander knew this.  
„Thank you“, he said and averted his eyes, looking at his hands. „I like him.“  
The little pug grunted in a pleased way while Hephaistion was crawling it behind its ears, that small tail waggling constantly.  
„And thank you for... for thinking of my birthday.“  
He stopped caressing the dog, his hand cupping that tiny body now. Longingly, he looked in Alexander's face.   
„It really means a lot to me.“ Especially since he forgot his birthday himself. It was nice to know that Alexander thought about him, thought of his birthday and even got him a present.  
So he really meant something to him.   
Clearing his throat, he carefully put his dog to the floor and stood up, slightly shaking. Apparently, Alexander was really sorry and it was time to make a move. It couldn't stay like this forever, Hephaistion knew it. But he still was scared. He let out a shuddering breath before he looked up to meet Alexander's eyes.  
„Is it... Would it be... okay if I... hugged you?“, he asked insecure, taking a step towards the prince and placing a trembling hand hesitatingly on his shoulder.

Alexander was looking carefully at Hephaistion as the said boy was making his way to him. He wasn’t sure what he should expect but he stood there without even moving a finger, trying to make Phai feel secure around him. His friend was acting the same way as the horses after battles – without trust and always ready to run away. That’s why he knew that he shouldn’t make any sudden movements. But Hephaistion took him by surprise and Alexander almost lost his poker face. ‘’Sure’’, he said after a few long seconds, looking with disbelief at his former friend. He knew he wasn’t dreaming but still, this situation didn’t feel real. He would be perfectly happy if Phai would just talk to him but here he wanted to hug him, to _touch_ him after everything Alexander did to him. It just seemed like his mind was playing tricks on him. The prince wanted to gather Hephaistion in his arms and just breathe in his scent again but he restrained himself. ‘’You can do whatever you want to do, Phai’’, he said in a soft voice. ‘’It’s your birthday after all.’’ Alexander smiled and sighed when he felt Hephaistion's hand on his arm. This touch burned him in all of the good ways and he prayed in silence that the older boy wouldn’t change his mind now. 

Hephaistion closed his eyes for a few seconds, trying to calm his heart down and breathe steady again. „Yeah... it's my birthday“, he muttered and loosened his grip on Alexander's shoulder. Even if he only did it because it was the boy's birthday, he didn't care. He had missed his old friend, even after all the suffering he went trough. He still was scared and frightened, his heart beating like a mad rabbit everytime he saw him, but Hephaistion had to get over it. Especially when he didn't want to lose Alexander – he knew how quickly he lost his interest and found other things to like.  
Carefully, he took a step closer and placed his arms around Alexander's neck in a frail hug. The body contact made him shudder since it was the first time he touched someone voluntarily since the... incident. He didn't last long though, only mere seconds, before he had to let go again.  
Gripping the fabric of his pants tightly, he stood before Alexander and looked to the floor, observing the little dog who was bouncing against his leg. So he knelt down and lifted it up once again after tapping slightly against its little back.  
His heart was beating fast and his skin practically burned where he touched Alexander but he didn't dare to lift his gaze.  
„Thank you“, he said again, in a low voice. to break the awkward silence.

Alexander let out his breath which he didn’t even know that he was holding. It was amazing to feel the warmness of Phai’s body again and he craved for more touch but it was good for the beginning. It was more than good actually and practically every cell in his body was vibrating with happiness. ‘’I’m glad that you like him. He’s very hyperactive but he will love you with all his tiny heart.’’ Alexander smiled and petted the little pug which couldn’t decide if he should demand Hephaistion’s or Alexander’s attention. ‘’And I hope that we can talk from time to time. I don’t want to push you, Phai. I know that I made you suffer and I caused you a lot of pain but I don’t want to lose you’’, he said with certainty in his voice, looking into his friend’s beautiful eyes. ‘’Nothing will be like it was before, no matter how much I would like to get back in time but we can still rebuild our bond if you want to.’’ Alexander tried not to sound too hopeful but he failed. He needed Hephaistion and he wanted him to know that, more than anything else. 

„He is adorable.“ Sitting down on his heels, Hephaistion forced a smile on his lips even though he didn't feel like smiling at all. He craved for Alexander, for his warmth and vicinity, but he also knew that he couldn't have it, and not only because he himself wasn't ready yet.  
He snapped his neck and nodded after a short while, after he reconsidered Alexander's words.  
„I know. I know that you are sorry and I tried my best to... to forget.“  
His finger traced a scar on his own arm he once got while fighting with Alexander years ago. He really tried to forget, but just like this scar his memories would never fade away.  
„It's not easy, but I will try harder, even if it's just for the sake of our – correlation. You are still my prince, Alexander, and I shouldn't let you... down.“  
The boy stood up and brushed the imaginary dust off his clothes and looked outside the window.  
„I think Kadar needs to go out for a walk.“  
Not being able to stand the sight of his prince still kneeling in front of him, he held his hand out towards him, helping him up.

“I don’t want you to forget, Phai.’’ Alexander accepted his hand and stood up, squeezing his fingers lightly. He kissed gently his friend’s hand and smiled brightly. Of course he saw how Hephaistion was caressing this old scar but he acted like nothing happened. He didn’t need to reopen old wounds now when they already had so many issues. ‘’And stop with the prince thing. You’re equal to me, Hephaistion. Only you. And you’re also my friend. That’s why I don’t want you to call me your prince.’’ Alexander let go of his hand and took a step back when he saw uncertainty in the older boy’s eyes. ‘’You gave him an interesting name. I like it.’’ The prince looked down at the pup which was now trying to get Phai’s attention back and to crawl on him. ‘’He seems to like it, too. Take care of him. I shall see you later.’’ Alexander looked into his friend’s eyes, trying to see if Phai would accept that. He actually wanted to go with him on the walk but he knew that he would be asking for too much. But he could wait now when he knew that Phai’s heart didn’t close up for him entirely. 

„But I can't. Stop that, I mean.“ Hephaistion looked away when Alexander took a step back, away from him. He instantly felt relieved, a heavy weight was taken from his chest. But his face didn't show any of those emotions.  
„You are my prince, after all. I am still part of your subordinates and you can't change that. I am not of a higher rank.“  
Deep in his heart he knew that he was Alexander's friend and that he liked him, but the others were envious of him and only thinking about the looks Cassander was giving him made his stomach lurch. He just had to cope with it.  
„Okay, I'll... I'll just go then.“  
Mentioning at the direction of the door with one of his hands, he lifted Kadar up with the other and turned his back on Alexander. Leaving him wasn't easy for the boy, especially when his skin was burning with the need for more touches, but his head told him other things.  
„Take care of yourself, my Alexander.“


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, dear readers :)  
> This is the last chapter for this year *gasps* Incredible, how fast time goes by!
> 
> We'll take this opportunity to thank all of you for your loyalty and that you keep reading our work, and for your kudos and comments. A special Thank You goes out to PhaiFan, for always making us happy with every single comment.
> 
> Thank you so much! We hope, that you will keep reading this and enjoy yourselves while doing so. :)

Alexander was lazily reading a book in a garden when he felt a tiny tongue licking his leg. He yawned and stretched his tensed muscles, totally lost in thoughts to change his position. ‘’Kadar’’, he smiled at the still small pup and bent down to pat its head. ‘’What are you doing here, little one?’’ He tried to catch him but the pug quickly ran a few steps away from him and looked at the prince expectantly while whining pitifully. ‘’Okay, okay. I’m coming.’’ Alexander stood up and followed Kadar who was quickly running on its tiny legs somewhere into the deeper parts of the garden. ‘’What the…’’, the boy started to run himself when he heard shallow breaths and a silent cry. He didn’t even need a confirmation to know who was in trouble. ‘’Phai!’’, he yelled when he saw his friend sitting between two bushes of roses and apparently having a panic attack. Alexander quickly kneeled in front of him and gently put his hands on the other boy’s cheeks, forcing Hephaistion to look at him. ‘’Breathe with me, Phai’’, he said in a soft voice. ‘’You’re safe now. I’m here. Just breathe.’’ Alexander started to delicately massage Phai's wet from tears skin with his thumb, trying to calm his friend down. It was the first time when he saw that Phai had a panic attack and he didn’t know what to do so he just followed his instincts. ‘’It’s okay, Phai’’, he murmured, breathing with him and silently thanking Kadar for being wise enough to bring help. 

No words could describe how much Hephaistion hated Cassander. His body was shaking frantically as he made his way through the garden, getting away from the hall – where he could still hear his laughter – as far as possible.  
Clenching his fists into the fabric of his clothes, he gritted his teeth. He hated him. So much. While he repeated this mantra over and over again in his head, his breath came more and more snatchy, his throat was sore and tears were burning his eyes, but he did not let them spill over.  
Cassander's voice was like a hot needle in his mind, stabbing him again and yet again.  
 _Ah, I see the whore has returned to his prince_  
 _Did he even take you back?_  
 _After all this time you didn't speak with him?_  
 _He is your prince, how could you treat him like that?_  
 _Ignoring him?_  
 _He deserves something better than you, you're nothing_  
 _You are nothing without him, Hephaistion_  
Hephaistion stumbled and fell on his knees, burying his fingers into the dirt. The malicious voice was still echoing in his head.  
He was breathing unsteady now, panting. His heart felt like it was bursting every second with every beat of it and he simply couldn't handle it.  
 _You are nothing without him, Hephaistion_  
Cassander was right. He was nothing. For the last weeks, no one has spoken to him except for the healer. No one noticed that he was absent, that he didn't participate in anything at all. They only saw him when he was with Alexander.  
Alexander was his sun, his moon and his stars. He was everything for him and he was nothing without him. Alexander was his other half, his heart. His life. He wasn't able to function without him.  
He was indeed nothing without him.  
The boy squinted his eyes and tried to breathe but it didn't work until he felt warm hands on his face.  
Trying to take deep breaths, he opened his eyes and saw Alexander, sitting right in front of him. He placed his own hands over Alexander's, closed his eyes again and tried to match his breath with the other's. After a few quiet minutes, the silence only interrupted by his body jolting sobs, he was able to breathe again. Taking Alexander's hands from his face, he squeezed them lightly before letting go of them.  
„Thank you“, he whispered and sighed shuddering.

“No problem, Phai. I hope you feel better now.’’ Alexander smiled and helped him to get up. “Good thing that Kadar ran for me”, he added and took a step back, watching Hephaistion closely. “What happened? And don’t tell me it was nothing. I know you well enough to know that you are not easy to break down. So tell me who made you feel this way and I will punish them.” Alexander looked hard at Hephaistion, knowing very well that his friend would be trying to deny everything. But he was determined to get to know the truth. He was actually mad because Hephaistion suffered enough and he didn’t need any more pain. But now, when their relationship still was unsure, Alexander couldn’t protect him. Well, actually maybe it was a good thing that they weren’t so close together anymore because in the end the prince failed to save Hephaistion from himself but Alexander knew that it was nothing compared to the things that others could do. And Phai was so sensitive and unable to resist to the intrigues. Now he even got the proof that his friend had way more enemies in the palace than he originally thought. And it was also his fault. People hated Hephaistion because of his closeness to Alexander and the profits they thought he was getting from this relationship. That’s why he needed to do something about it, whether Phai liked it or not. 

With shaking hands, Hephaistion reached for his little dog and stroked its tiny head, getting a little bark and a tail wiggling back in response. He was glad that Kadar could feel what was going on, that he himself felt bad but it was incredible that he immediately ran for Alexander – and that he actually found him.  
„It... is okay. I was just overreacting, I am okay, Alexander.“  
He smiled at his friend, the best way possible and touched his arm as if to appease him. Hephaistion had to fix this all himself. He couldn't tell Alexander what Cassander said to him, because he knew that he would solve his problems and it would not end good for the other boy and Hephaistion didn't want this. He wanted to be strong, to be able to solve this problem on his own.  
His fingers traced down Alexanders arm and tangled with the other boy's and squeezed his hand slightly.  
„I know how it looked like just now, but I just lost control. I can handle it myself, don't worry.“  
It was the moment where Hephaistion noticed the nudeness of Alexander's hands for the first time, without even knowing why exactly now since he had seen him a few times since his birthday already. But right now, it practically was stinging in his eyes.  
He didn't wear any jewelry, especially rings.  
Rubbing soft circles over the other man's hand, Hephaistion sighed soundlessly. He thought back to the day of Alexander's birthday.   
That day, he finally was able to give him the present he bought months before his birthday and he was so happy to being able to give it to him, especially after the hard times they went through. He didn't knew _how hard_ it would get a few hours later and how it would affect their friendship... But back then, he stuffed the present in a pocket of his clothes.  
But when the healer brought him back, he didn't have the little package anymore, so it still had to be in Alexander's dorms.   
Hephaistion was sure he found it, since it had to fall out near his bed so it was highly visible, but apparently he didn't like the ring which gem matched perfectly with the color of Alexander's eyes...  
Squeezing his fingers for a last time before letting go, Hephaistion stepped back and smiled at his friend, trying not to think about Cassander anymore.  
„Well, I guess you saved me. Now you sure have other things to do, don't you?“

Alexander sighted softly when he felt the soothing touch of Hephaistion’s fingers. It was too long since someone touched him. Since that… accident, he wasn’t allowing anyone to even come too close to him because he felt sick when the memories of _that night_ were hitting him hard. “Why are you lying to me, Phai?’’, he asked softly and caught his hand. “I can feel that you are hiding something from me. Are you afraid that I will get angry? Or do you just don't want to bother me with your problems?’’ Alexander looked him in the eyes and stepped closer. “I will worry about you anyway, my beautiful Phai, so it would be better if you'd just tell me the truth.’’ A soft smile spread on his lips when he saw hesitation in his friend’s eyes. So after all he was still able to get on Phai's soft side. “And no, I don’t have any other things to do so I wish to help you with whatever or whoever bothers you.’’ Alexander petted Kadar's head and didn’t make any move to let Phai pass him. He really wanted to help him especially if he was bullied by someone. And he was determined to find out the truth whether from Hephaistion or not. 

„I am not lying to you“, Hephaistion said smiling, looking Alexander into the eyes. _I'm just not telling you everything._  
Still tracing his thumbs over the other's fingers, he nodded shortly as if to punctuate his words. He seriously had to keep this to himself. There was no way for Alexander to solve his problems, Hephaistion wouldn't be able to look himself in the eyes again. It would be such a shame for him. It even was now, that he lost control over his body just because of some _words_.  
He knew that Alexander wouldn't let go of the topic, so he simply had to change it. Letting go of Alexander's hands, he folded his own behind his back and started to walk, into the direction of the deeper garden, away from the halls.  
„And I don't hide anything from you... Maybe you are hiding something from 'me'?“, he asked after a few seconds of silence in which he thought about how exactly to change the topic without Alexander getting back to it too soon.  
„Didn't you like my present? You could've just told me so, you know.“  
Looking at him from the corner of his eyes, he smiled halfheartedly and repeated some of his words.  
„Or were you afraid I would get angry? Or disappointed?“

Alexander furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and quickly followed his friend, trying to recall if he lately received any present from Hephaistion. “You didn’t give me any present, Phai”, he said carefully, still searching through his mind but it was all for nothing and he was sure that he would remember getting a present from his friend. “Are you just trying to distract me?”, he asked suspiciously. “You are!’’ He laughed and tackled his friend to the ground before the other boy even had a chance to respond. Alexander caught Phai’s hands and joined their fingers together, looking into two beautiful, blue irises. “Do you really think you are sneaky enough to fool me, my friend?”, he asked playfully and laughed even louder when Kadar started to lick Hephaistion’s ear. “I know you too well to fall for that.” Alexander for a moment forgot that he shouldn’t do things like this, that he wasn’t allowed to anymore, but it was stronger than him. He just wanted the things to be like they were before – when Phai was teasing him and then they were fighting. The prince really missed it and missed the old Hephaistion with his stupidly beautiful face which was haunting him every night in his dream. 

Alexander literally knocked the air out of his lungs. Feeling a terrible blush creeping up his face, Hephaistion swallowed and looked into Alexander's eyes.  
„I... I did“, he whispered and looked away, even turned his head away just to get his nose licked by Kadar. Laughing, he turned his head in the other direction, practically feeling that the little dog was running to the other side. So he just had to look into Alexander's face again and he immediately regretted it.  
His heart started beating fast at the nearness the two of them just shared. Closing his eyes for a moment he tried to get himself together.   
_No, Hephaistion_ , he told himself, _we're not starting this again. You suffered enough. Don't._  
As if to get rid of his thoughts, the boy opened his eyes again and nodded at their hands.  
„I guess it fell out... the other night.“ Turning his head away once again, he swallowed, those memories coming back and leaving a heavy pain in his chest behind. But he didn't want to think about it anymore, it was over, Alexander apologized.   
Hephaistion was glad they were talking again, since his heart hurt every single second they weren't together.  
„I thought that you may have found it, since we were... in your rooms. You know. But it's okay, it wasn't anything outstanding or so.“  
His eyes scanned Alexander's face, took in his beauty which made him sigh longingly. Hephaistion couldn't tell how much he wanted this man to belong to him, only to him. He was beautiful on the outside and even more beautiful on the inside and Hephaistion was mesmerized by that. Looking at Alexander's lips for a few seconds after he felt his breath on his face, his eyes slipped back at looking into Alexander's.  
„I just noticed it earlier“, he said quietly.

The spark of happiness in Alexander’s eyes quickly died out when Hephaistion mentioned that night. It was like a bucket of cold water poured over his head, making him wake up from this moment of oblivion that should have never happened. He wasn’t allowed to forget even for a moment about the things he had done to Phai – it was his punishment to remember every second of this one particular night. For a long second, Alexander just stared into Phai’s eyes but he didn’t seem to really see him. “I…’’ He quickly got up when he finally regained his senses and looked around him, breathing heavily. “I will look for this present. Thank you.” He wasn’t even surprised by the lack of emotions in his voice. But deep inside he wanted to scream at his own stupidity and infirmity because by his actions, he wasn’t allowed to have moments like this with Phai anymore. And he craved for them like for air because these moments were actually the only happy times in his life. Hephaistion was his happiness but now he got nothing and even though he fully deserved it, his heart hurt every time he looked at his friend. “I need to go now”, he said without looking at the boy who was still lying on the ground. Alexander was pretty sure that he would only see relief on the older boy’s face. Hephaistion was really good at hiding his emotions and thoughts but Alexander still remembered the disgust and fear in Phai’s eyes when he met him for the first time after that night and he knew that deep inside his friend still felt that way about him. “Tell me if someone will bother you again.” With these final words he turned around and quickly walked away, not wanting to, oh sweet irony, bother Phai with himself. 

„No...“ Hephaistion's voice came out way too weak to be heard by the other man who was now turning his back towards him.  
„No, Alexander, wait!“, he called after him and stood up in a swift motion, Kadar running after him as he followed his friend and grabbed him by his arm. Forcing him to turn around, he looked straight in his eyes.  
„Don't you dare leaving me now. First you are coming to my rescue, and then what – leave me behind, all alone?“  
He furrowed his eyebrows in a deep, angry frown and shook his head, disbelief showing on his features. The last thing he wanted right now was Alexander to leave. He couldn't even stand the sight of his back, let alone watching him go away. His heart couldn't take any more of that. Even though he still felt sick, he was feeling way more miserable without his friend.  
„I need you, Alexander.“  
 _Here by my side, always by my side. Because I can't exist without you. Can't you see it?_  
Hephaistion put all his desperation into his eyes and searched for Alexander's.  
„I... I am still feeling... moldy because... you know, and I still can't look at myself. But I know that I can't be without you. You are everything I care for.“  
The boy didn't know where the sudden urge to say those words came from, but he felt that he would lose Alexander for good if he wouldn't change something, like, right now. He needed to hold on to him.   
„So don't you dare leaving me alone after you just helped me.“   
_Otherwise you could've let me suffocate there. It would feel the same._

Alexander listened quietly to Hephaistion's little speech with a spark of hope in his heart. It was kind of unbelievable that after all, Phai still wanted them to remain friends but there he was, pleading him to stay. “My beautiful Phai…” Alexander gently caressed the other boy’s cheek while his other arm was curling protectively around his slim waist. “I don’t deserve you...” A soft sigh escaped his mouth and he smiled a little, pulling his friend closer. Hephaistion's body seemed to be so fragile under his fingers but Alexander knew well enough how strong the older boy was. He didn’t even count how many bruises he got after his fights with Phai. The prince couldn’t even express how relieved he was when he didn’t see any hate or disgust in his friend's beautiful eyes. Instead, there was longing and the silent pray for closeness. Subconsciously, he leaned forward and gently kissed Phai’s forehead. “If that is your wish then I will never leave you”, he murmured quietly into the soft hair while massaging lightly Phai’s skull. He was never good with emotions so he didn’t know how to tell his friend that he felt the same way and maybe Alexander even needed him more because Phai was all he got. “And I need you, too. You don’t even know how hard it is to stay away from you. I just need you close, Phai. I love you. You’re everything of the best things that ever happened to me”, he said truthfully. There was no need to hide anything anymore. He kept himself away from Phai for too long and he nearly got mad because of it. 

_I don't deserve you_  
Alexander's words hit him like a sword right into his stomach and they nearly made him cringe and whine. How could his friend think something like that when Hephaistion himself had the feeling that he wasn't worth it, being called a 'friend' of the prince? He was just a little boy that had had luck back in his childhood, coming over to the palace, sent away by his mother who wanted to grant him a better future. That's why he whispered his next words right into Alexander's ear after he enlaced his arms around the other boy, holding him tight.  
„You deserve so much more, Alexander. You deserve the best, the whole world.“  
Fondling Alexander's back tenderly with his left hand, his right one clutched into the fabric of the other boy's clothes. Hearing his next words, Hephaistion felt like his heart melted in his chest into a puddle of hot, liquid love.  
„Then don't. Don't stay away.“ He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against Alexander's, sighing relieved over the fact that his friend still wanted to keep him.  
That he, indeed, was enough for the prince.  
Without thinking, Hephaistion blew a feathery kiss on the corner of his mouth, then on the back of his right hand, which he lifted up to his face, before closing his eyes again, standing in front of his friend while he tried to focus on his thoughts.  
„You know, I just wanted you to know that I am really... I mean, I really am in lo-“  
But he didn't get to finish his sentence, and who knows, maybe it was fate and luck that he couldn't tell Alexander how much he really meant to him, because in the same moment he saw Cassander and Ptolemy walking across the garden on the other side and it literally took his breath away when the former looked mockingly into his direction, mouthing only one word.  
 _Nothing_

Alexander smiled when he felt Hephaistion's lips near his. The memory of their sweet taste still lingered in his mind, refusing to go away. But he didn’t mind because Phai was a really talented kisser and he wouldn’t mind devouring that soft mouth again. “We will take over the world together Phai, you’ll see. People will worship both of us like they worship Achilles and Patroclus”, he said in a firm voice because it was the truth. Hephaistion was his Patroclus and Alexander really would be nothing without him. “Phai?” The prince frowned in confusion when he felt his friend going stiff against him. Did he say too much? Or did he say something that offended Hephaistion? A sudden wave of fear hit him when he realized that maybe his friend had no wish to be his Patroclus. He didn’t want to lose him again because of some stupid comparison. “What’s wrong?”, he asked when he felt that Phai trembled. It was so delicate that he probably wouldn't have noticed it if he wouldn’t hold the older boy in his arm. Also the shallow breaths weren’t a good sign. “Are you having a panic attack, Phai? Breathe with me”, he said softly and kissed the back of his head before looking him in the eyes. Alexander caught a flash of panic and fear in the blue irises before Phai managed to restore his poker face. “You don’t need to hide anything from me”, Alexander said quietly with concern in his voice. “Just tell me what’s wrong.” 

Putting both of his hands on each of Alexander's shoulders, Hephaistion got himself together by breathing in and out as regular as possible. He focused his eyes on the handsome face in front of him, his fingers gave the shoulders a little squeeze.  
He wouldn't allow Cassander to manhandle him, to destroy him. He was strong. He was able to protect himself. He was Hephaistion, son of Amyntor, for gods sake!  
It was obvious that he needed Alexander, more than air, but this was for different reasons. His heart belonged to the man in front of him, so did his life.   
But not because he was worthless and not able to lead a life on his own, he just... fell in love.  
A long, long time ago.  
Even though he knew, that it was one-sided, that Alexander liked him only as a friend, as a nice companion, he wanted to be near him.  
„Do you know, my Alexander“, he said with a firm voice, looking right in the brown eyes in front of him, „that Achilles had to be deeply in love with Patroclus?“  
Ignoring his pounding heart within his chest, he cleared his throat subtly and let his gaze wander around for a while, checking if Cassander was still nearby, but apparently he was gone, before focusing again.  
„And so was Patroclus.“ 

“I love you as hard as Achilles loved Patroclus.” Alexander smiled and kissed him gently. Of course he was too blind to see the real meaning beside Hephaistion’s words. For him it was obvious that the older boy saw him as a brother and so did he. “You should know that by now. I would do anyything for you, Phai.” He smiled happily and took a step back. “I need to go to my training now but maybe we could meet after that? My mother gave me some new books...” The prince knew exactly how to lure Hephaistion to meet him. Books where one of his friend’s weaknesses which Alexander was often using against him. “Some tales from faraway lands. We can read it together.” Alexander knew that he was tempting his luck but he couldn’t let that chance pass him by. They used to read together when they were little. It always ended up with Phai falling asleep while Alexander was reading him myths. These were one of his most happy memories from childhood and he sometimes wished that he could get these moments back. Now was a chance for this so he silently prayed that Phai would agree to that. 

Hephaistion's face immediately lit up with hope. Scanning Alexander's face, he couldn't find pity or ridicule in his eyes, nor was he showing sarcasm in any other way. So, was this really possible? Did Alexander love him the same way the boy himself loved him? Hesitating, he kissed him back and lingered on a little longer than necessary for his touch, before breaking his trance and blinking a few times.  
Over his loud beating heart he couldn't hear his mind screaming at him, that apparently Alexander couldn't differentiate between love and _being in love_. He was just happy for now, so happy, that he almost missed Alexander's next words.  
„Oh, yes. Training, sure. I would love to meet you... where should I be waiting for you, Alexander?“  
He straightened his clothes and smiled at Kadar who was bouncing at his legs, his cute dented little face like a smile, as if he could feel that Alexander and Hephaistion would seperate soon and that the two of them – Hephaistion and Kadar – would go into another direction than Alexander.

“In the north pavilion? I will be waiting for you after my training.” Alexander smiled even brighter, unable to hide how happy he was that Phai agreed. He nearly forgot about his training because it wasn’t as important as the meeting with his friend. He didn’t even care about what Ptolemy would say. After all, his trainings were so boring these days because no one could keep up with him. He was just beating up the other boys, wishing that Hephaistion would finally start the training again. “I don’t think that it will last too long because there is no one now that can be a real match to me”, he chuckled and patted Kadar’s head. “But I really need to go now, Phai. I don’t want Ptolemy to make me run around the arena.”


	10. Chapter 10

Since he didn't know when the training would be over, Hephaistion made his way to the pavilion way too early. He dragged his feet lazily over the grassy ground and looked around, not seeing a single person.  
He kind of felt bad that he still didn't participate in the training, but he simply couldn't. It was too early for him. Maybe he could start next week by taking some private lessons with Ptolemy, even though he was sure that Cassander would beat the living crap out of him since his body still wasn't on its peak – and Ptolemy wouldn't say a word.  
Hephaistion couldn't believe that the two of them were so jealous that they openly hated him. Well, at least as openly as it was possible without Alexander noticing.  
Sighing, the blue eyed boy sat down in the pavilion, watching Kadar playing around some meters away, while he waited for his beloved one to join him.  
His heart was full of anticipation, he literally couldn't wait to see Alexander's face again, even though they weren't separated for a long time.

Alexander smiled to himself when he saw that Hephaistion was already waiting for him. He was dressed differently now but the prince wasn’t complaining. Quite the opposite actually, because the light robe was showing Phai’s long, nicely muscular legs and that sight made Alexander’s mouth water. He needed a moment to compose himself before he approached Hephaistion, while trying hard not to look too close at his best friend. He wasn’t sure how long he would be able to withstand the temptation of Phai’s body. “Am I late?”, he asked, putting a book on Phai’s legs. “I tried to end it as fast as possible but Ptolemy was extremely moody today.” He sighed and sat down beside his friend. “I should have skipped it today. Cassander was getting on my nerves so I beat him down. That bastard. I don’t like him.” A tortured sigh escaped his mouth but he almost immediately started to laugh when Kadar licked his ankle. “That tickles, you little beast!” Alexander lifted the small dog up and put him on his knees. “He is just like you. I can’t resist his charm.” 

As soon as he heard Alexander's voice, Hephaistion's head whipped around and a bright smile formed on his lips. Watching his friend approaching him, he tapped his fingers against his knees which he pulled close to his body before.  
„No, you aren't. I know that Ptolemy likes to agonize you so I came later myself.“ His fingers traced over the book cover the moment Alexander put it down on his lap.  
It was breath taking. Golden ornaments trailed themselves and formed stunningly beautiful forms and letters, even little drawings were added on the cover.  
Hephaistion took a deep breath and opened it, stared a few seconds in silence, before looking at Alexander.  
„This is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.“   
Touching the parchment in pure awe, he first didn't administrate Alexander's words, but as soon as Cassander's name left the prince's lips, the boy closed his eyes and sighed heavily.  
„Did you at least hit him hard enough?“ Sincerely hoping so, he moved his body closer to Alexander and snuggled himself slightly against his side after trading the book by placing it on Alexander's lap, with Kadar, whom he cuddled now.  
„I know, my charm is compelling. I should get arrested for it.“

Alexander smiled, knowing that Phai hated Cassander as much as he did. “Yes. Such a shame that you weren’t able to see his defeat.” The memory of Cassander's smug smirk turning into a pained expression was still fresh in his mind. It wasn’t his intention to beat up the other boy so badly but Cassander was making malicious remarks about Hephaistion’s absence so Alexander had a good reason to shut his gossipy mouth. And it was the only way to shut Cassander up so the price didn’t quite understand why Ptolemy got so mad. Well, he did, but he just played dumb to get the hell out of there and finally meet with Phai. It took a bit longer than he expected but Ptolemy couldn’t give him a real punishment because of his royal blood. “One Thousands and One Night”, he read the title and opened up the book while his arm snuggled around Hephaistion’s waist, bringing him closer. “These are Arabian tales. I heard that they’re very beautiful”, he murmured, lazily tossing pages and looking for some interesting story. “Is there something you would like me to read to you?” 

„I think I should start with the training again next week, even if the only reason was to just see you beating that stupid grin off his face. I hate it.“  
Hephaistion shuddered slightly as Cassander's face appeared in front of his eyes, wearing said smirk and it made him want to puke. Blocking every further thought of him, the young man rested his head on Alexander's chest and lowered his eyelids. He was feeling comfortable. So comfortable he hasn't felt in a while. With a content smile on his lips, he placed his arm over Alexander's stomach and started to stroke his side.  
„I don't know... Maybe something about love?“  
Hephaistion didn't care about what exactly his friend would read to him. It weren't the words he wanted to hear, well, he did, but he had other priorities. He wanted to hear his deep husky voice so badly, the words leaving his lips like a natural flow of litheness.  
„What do you think, Alexander?“

“Something about love…”, he repeated and purred when Hephaistion’s hand started to touch his hot skin, soothing his still tensed muscles. He turned a few more pages and chose one of the stories about a couple that was in love but everything was against them. “I knew that you are secretly a romantic, Phai”, he murmured without any tease in his voice, enjoying the closeness they shared. “What about a story in which a handsome prince falls in love with a poor but beautiful girl? I hope it won’t end bad.” Alexander kissed Hephaistion’s head and inhaled his intoxicating smell. He immediately forgot about the training and the rest of the world. The only thing that counted was Phai in his arms. 

„A romantic?“, Hephaistion repeated and looked up into Alexander's face for a second, beholding his beauty. „Well“, he sighed then and dropped his head back on his chest after he felt the little kiss that made him smile.  
„But only when it comes to you, my love.“ Hephaistion thought about that for a moment. He, indeed, was different when it came to his friend. He was far more vulnerable, emotional... more open. If not weaker. He didn't like this, but he couldn't help himself.   
He was in love with the prince and he had the feeling that it would kill him someday.  
„Hmm... I really hope it will have a happy end. Go on.“  
Nuzzling closer to Alexander, Hephaistion hoped that at least in the book he could find love that was happy and not one-sided.

Alexander smiled and leaned against the wall so that Phai could lie on top of him in a more comfortable way. “I like that.” Alexander cleared his throat and started to read the story about forbidden love. It was a really amazing tale and he didn’t even know how much time he spent on reading it. But he didn’t care. Phai’s soothing weight on top of his body was making him feeling safe and wanted. He actually wished they could stay this way forever but the story finally ended and thankfully it was a happy ending – just what Alexander needed. “Are you asleep, Phai?”, Alexander asked quietly when his friend made no move to get off of him. He gently petted his hair, thinking about the tale and wondering when it became this late because the sun was already on the line of horizon.

Alexander's steady voice was lulling him to sleep, Hephaistion could feel that. His eyelids grew heavier by every passing minute and he could feel how his heartbeat slowed down and how his limbs felt heavy as lead. But he didn't care since he felt happy and safe.  
The motions of his hands became slower until he finally stopped caressing his friend's skin, yearning to kiss it. But instead of doing so, he just gave in and let the sleep roll over him.  
He didn't even hear the end of the story and dreamed of himself, wearing a worn out and muddy dress, falling in love with a prince with golden hair and deep brown eyes who could save his life by marrying him...

Alexander finally decided that Hephaistion was deep asleep so he put the book away, knowing that one of the servants would bring it back to him. Smiling even wider, he gently lifted Phai in his arms and started to walk towards his friend’s room, followed by Kadar who was still a bit wobbly after waking up from his slumber. “You’re so beautiful, Phai”, he said quietly, looking at the older boy’s relaxed face. It was almost unbelievable how much Hephaistion trusted him to fall asleep in his arms when they were teached otherwise their whole lives. Alexander gently put his friend on the soft bed and took off his shoes. “Watch over him, Kadar”, he said softly, tucking Phai under the covers. When he was done he tried to leave, but something was keeping him frozen in place. He wanted to stay, to watch over Hephaistion's sleep and in the morning be the first one to see his beautiful smile. “I love you so much, my Phai”, he murmured, caressing gently his cheek. “I wish you could be with me forever.” 

Hephaistion woke up in the middle of the night, startling, because he didn't know where he was at first. He sat up in bed, rubbed his eyes and blinked over to the window. The moon sent its light into his room and filled it gently with it. Breathing slowly in and out, he tried to remember how he actually got in his bed in the first place. All he could remember was Alexander, reading some tale to him... but then... nothing. He obviously fell asleep.  
Sighing quietly and smiling to himself at the memory of Alexander's deep voice and his firm chest underneath his own chin, Hephaistion decided to go back to sleep.  
But in the same moment when he lay back, he noticed he wasn't alone. His heart started beating like a mad rabbit as soon as he realized that it was Alexander who was lying next to him, fast asleep, lying on his back with his eyes closed, his lips slightly parted.  
So he stayed the night. Hephaistion could literally hear all those rumours that would come up the next morning, especially if Cassander would be informed, but he didn't care.  
Carefully, he moved closer to Alexander and lay down next to him, placing his hand on the other's stomach before kissing his lips, once, then twice.  
He closed his eyes and tried to calm down, but it made him so happy that Alexander was still with him that he simply gave up trying to appease his heart.  
He kissed him for the last time, before putting his head on Alexander's shoulder, pressed tightly against his side, closing his eyes again.  
It didn't take him long to finally fall asleep again.

~

The next morning, loud thudding from the hallway jerked him violently out of his sleep. Drowsy, he lifted his head and looked to the door and wondered what the hell was going on.  
Alexander was still asleep, his arms curled tightly around Hephaistion's upper part of the body. Did he forget some kind of feast? Or training? Yeah, it had to be the training... he was sure that Ptolemy would break into his room in any second to drag him to the training again.  
Mere seconds after that thought crossed Hephaistions mind, the door was ripped open and a panting Ptolemy came in, searching for him, closely followed by Cassander.  
„Hephaistion!“, Ptolemy said with a weak voice, trying to catch his breath. „You need to get up, right now, Alexander is missing and we don't know where he is and -“ Ptolemy stopped in the middle of his sentence after Cassander poked him in the ribs with his elbow. His eyebrows rised nearly to the top of his head and he was grinning in the most malicious way Hephaistion has ever seen. „You don't have to search any longer, Ptolemy“, Cassander's vitriolic voice said. „Alexander went to see his favorite whore.“  
The boy could read it from Cassander's face. This was not going to end well for him.

Alexander lied fully awake in his friend’s bed with the pleasant weight of Hephaistion on his body. It was so easy to feel comfortable around the older boy and he wanted to spend the whole eternity like this, when both of their bodies were heated by the morning sun. It was simply perfect and Alexander couldn’t remember when he felt this happy. He lazily stroked Phai’s head but stiffened when he felt that the boy started to wake up. The prince quickly put his hand on the other boy’s back and pretended to be asleep. It was the best solution in this soon to be awkward situation so he just left the decision about what to do to Hephaistion. If he wouldn’t like Alexander sleeping in his bed he could just leave or make the prince leave. But if he wouldn’t mind this configuration then… well, Alexander didn’t want to get his hopes up so he pretended to be deep asleep even though he heard some yelling in the distance. He should probably wake up and go to check on things but now he had more important matters. But his plan was quickly destroyed when someone came into the room without even as much as knocking on the doors. Hephaistion was of aristocratic blood, damnit, so no one was allowed to burst into his room like that. But that didn’t change the fact that someone dared to and it made Alexander roll his eyes when he heard Ptolemy's voice filled with worry. But what made his blood boil was that one single word falling from Cassander's mouth. One word that made him want to kill the one who dared to speak of his Hephaistion that way. “Get out or I will kill you”, he growled through his clenched teeth. “One more word, Cassander, and I will have your tongue cut from your mouth”, he added, sitting up on the bed and sending a death glare towards Cassander. He wanted to beat him up right now but first he needed to take care of Phai. 

Of course Alexander would have to wake up and of course he had to hear Cassander's words and the reason why Hephaistion felt the way he did. Why he had panic attacks and felt cheap and meritless. Now he knew.  
The boy closed his eyes in agony and started to get up from the safe warmth of Alexander's body, suddenly in a desperate need to be alone, to get away from him.  
Cassander's words made him feel dirty again. And Alexander didn't make it better with his own saying, it only made him feel weaker.   
„Don't, Alexander. It's okay“, he tried to calm his friend down by touching him on the shoulder and pushing him back onto the bed as he tried to sit up. Focusing his eyes on Ptolemy, and only on him, he got out of his bed – silently sending a prayer to the gods and thanking for having some clothes on – and smiled weakly.   
„As you can see“, he started while walking towards his door, „Alexander is healthy and safe. I don't think you have any more reason to stay in my chamber.“  
Opening the door in a shy manner, he nodded in submission.  
„Please, Ptolemy. I am sure you have better things to do than keeping company to a -“ Hephaistion stopped for a second and swallowed, observing the two intruders leaving his room.  
„-whore.“ He closed his eyes as he caught a glimpse of Cassander's grinning face, suddenly glad that he got out of the room. But as soon as he wanted to close the door behind his back, the other man turned around and faced the bed.  
„You know, Alexander“, he spit out, „I may honour you as my prince and future king, but I do have a higher rank myself and I won't buy your threats anymore.“  
He eyed Hephaistion in a way that made the boy cringe with disgust.  
„Especially not when my words and actions are legitimate.“

„Guards!”, Alexander shouted as he quickly got up from the bed, his voice full of anger. “Whip him!”, he ordered, looking at Cassander like on a scumbag. He actually wanted to kill him and get rid of him once and for good because he valued Hephaistion more than he would ever value Cassander. And now when he knew why Phai was so upset lately it didn’t make Cassander's future very bright. “You will regret that you were born”, Alexander hissed and with a thud he closed the door. After few deep breaths he was finally able to look at his friend. “You are not a whore, Hephaistion.” In one swift movement, he gathered Phai in his arms and hugged him tightly, trying to calm himself down. It wasn’t an easy task given his short temper but he wanted to make Phai feel better so in order to do this he needed to get himself under control. “You’re my moon and my sun, Phai”, he murmured in a soft voice, petting Hephaistion’s long, soft hair. “You’re my equal in fight and life and you are obviously not a whore. If you were a woman I would marry you so they would never speak to you in such a manner again.” A heavy sigh escaped his lips as he took a step back. “Do you understand this?”, he asked softly, taking Phai’s head in his hands. “I love you, my Phai, that’s why you will let me take care of Cassander. You can’t do everything alone. Especially not this time.” 

_You are not a whore, Hephaistion_  
Even though he knew that the words were true, deep in his heart, it sent a relieved shiver through Hephaistion's body. His self-esteem was shattered since the day Cassander made him lose control over his own body and it wouldn't get any better in the near future.  
But Alexander's words, his soft voice and warm hands on his face indeed made him feel better.  
At least a bit.  
„I know“, he whispered and closed his eyes, placing his own hands over his friend's. He was thankful that Alexander got rid of the other man, but he was feeling sorry for him nonetheless. Cassander did have a higher position within the prince's – and king's – subordinates so he was worried that Alexander could get problems for punishing him even though the snake didn't do anything wrong. They were only words, and Hephaistion knew that Philip could get very angry about this.  
Still deep in his thoughts, Alexander's voice dragged him out of his state of trance and Hephaistion wished it didn't, because the next words hit him like a knife right in his heart.  
 _If you were a woman I would marry you_  
Looking into Alexander's eyes for mere seconds, Hephaistion darted forward and put his arms around his waist, hugging him tight. He placed his chin on the other's shoulder and buried his nose in the neck in front of him, inhaling deeply its scent.  
He couldn't tell how much it hurt that Alexander said those words. It was hard to oppress his tears, but he did it, and when he finally found his voice again he said: „You have no idea how hard I wish for being a woman. That way I could be loved by you, truly loved.“  
Hephaistion placed a faint kiss on Alexander's skin, right under his ear before withdrawing again and letting him go.  
„But after all, I don't think it's the right descision to punish Cassander. He will cause you problems and that is the last thing I want to happen.“

Alexander sighted heavily when Hephaistion found his way out of the prince's safe embrace. Every time it was harder and harder to let him go and he didn’t know why but he definitely didn’t like it. Hephaistion just fitted in his arms like he was born to be hold by the prince so Alexander wanted him to just let go of his warrior pride sometimes and let himself be held by Alexander. Preferably all the time because these stolen moments were doing an amazing job to sooth the prince and calm him down. “You know I love you, Phai, just like Achilles loved his Patroclus. You cannot deny that”, he said and sneaked his arm around Hephaistion's waist and kissed the side of his head, trying to comfort his anxious friend. He was determined to repeat those words as long as it would take for Phai to finally believe in them. “And forget about Cassander. He insulted you and that’s why he deserves to be treated like this. I will deal with the problems - if any will come out of this - but I doubt that my father will care, now when he has a young wife to impregnate.” He pulled a face in disgust but quickly shook that unpleasant thought out of his head. “Come take a bath with me, Phai”, he asked in a playful tone, wanting to finally take Hephaistion's thoughts away from Cassander who wasn’t even worth to look at his beautiful friend. 

Leaning into Alexander's embrace, Hephaistion found himself smiling, enjoying the nearness to his friend, the touches and the warmth. He knew that exactly these touches were the reason that got him the reputation Cassander found a name for. And even though it hurt and ripped his heart in two, he couldn't just leave Alexander alone. He needed him. Alexander apparently was aware of that, but he didn't understand, _how much_ Hephaistion wanted him.  
„I know, and I am definitely not denying it, but... I don't know, I do not want to cause you problems. You have enough of them and being a burden to you is the last thing I want to be.“  
He clutched him tightly and sighed, as Alexander opened his mouth, surely to contradict him. Hephaistion leaned back in the embrace and smiled, putting a finger on Alexander's lips before kissing them faintly.   
„Oh no“, he whispered, shaking his head, „you won't argue with me, will you?“  
Taking his hands, he lead him to the bed, pushing him down.   
„Wait here, I'll prepare everything.“  
With a last smile in Alexander's direction, he left the room and closed the door behind him, leaning against the hard wood, closing his eyes.  
He definitely had to do something about Cassander. Even though Alexander was the prince, he still could be in danger. Hephaistion knew that.  
 _That's why I have to do something. I won't let Alexander down_ , he thought as he started to prepare the water.

It was somehow disturbing how Alexander didn’t mind how easily Hephaistion manipulated him. He always had been doing what Phai wanted him to do but never before had he found it so sexy. There was no need to deny how beautiful his friend was and how much Alexander wanted to have him. The prince always had a burning desire for beautiful men and if Phai wouldn’t have been his friend then Alexander would have probably made him his lover a long time ago. But with time the desire for Hephaistion grew and now it was really hard for the prince to hold himself back from thinking how beautiful Phai would look while riding him. Alexander took a few deep breaths, trying to think about some disgusting things just to keep his blood from flowing to the southern parts of his body. He was sure that if Phai would see him with a boner, he would be horrified. He should leave now when he still had some remaining control over his body but there was something that was pulling him towards the bathroom and he felt like his legs were moving on their own accord while his cock was twitching happily at the thought of seeing Phai naked. “Fuck”, he muttered under his breath because in the past he had seen Hephaistion naked multiple times so why was it now any different? “Should I help you?”, he asked, walking in before he thought better of it. He really should run away from here and don’t even look back but of course he was stupid enough to do otherwise. _Gods help me…_ he thought to himself when he saw the way the silky robe slipped off Phai’s arm, showing his smooth, flawless skin. It for sure was some kind of temptation for his poor soul and he was sure that he would see Plutonium’s face soon. Very very soon. 

Hephaistion was just undressing himself when he heard the door opening. Suddenly well aware of his nudity, he felt how his cheeks went hot. Totally out of embarrassment, he turned his back to Alexander and slipped into the hot water, its steam already fogging the bathroom. Sighing, he leaned back and relaxed, drawing his neck until it cracked before he got under water up to under his nose and shot curious glances towards Alexander who was now undressing himself.   
Hephaistion blushed even harder as he watched how those muscles moved under the well toned skin, his body hard and firm. He suddenly had the strong urge to lick his skin, to bite his neck and curl himself against the prince until the latter would bury himself in him. Gladfully the water was covering the bigger part of his face so that he didn't have to fear Alexander noticing his hot face. He could always blame the temperature anyways.  
He literally tore his eyes away when Alexander began to lover himself into the water as well. Stretching his neck again, only to avoid any eye contact, which would be embarrassing for him, Hephaistion knew for sure, he smiled and looked at the ceiling.  
„I just love taking hot baths.“  
Glad about the new bath additive Nevena gave to him, which produced the most delicious smell and lots of foam, he crossed his legs and placed his arms on the rim of the tub.  
„Do you like them as well?“  
Hephaistion's voice was raspy and he didn't even do it on purpose. Watching his friends from darkened eyes, he remained still and just kept observing him. 

„Of course I love taking hot baths”, Alexander answered, sinking in the hot water and sighing happily. He was so glad that he managed to not spot a boner, especially when he saw Hephaistion in his naked glory. His friend’s body was a masterpiece. Alexander had been sleeping with a huge number of men and women so he could honestly tell that none of them was as astonishing and breathtakingly beautiful as his Phai. “You have lost weight, Phai”, he murmured, coming closer to his friend and now openly staring in awe at his body. Water and foam weren’t enough to cover his body and Alexander didn’t have enough willpower to just look away. “But you still look like a son of Venus.” The prince licked his lips, feeling all his blood once again flowing from his brain to his lower regions. He couldn’t help it even though some distant voice in his head was telling him to stop, that it was improper and that he already hurt Hephaistion but Alexander was dazed from desire and couldn’t think logically. “It was a stupid idea”, he growled while putting his hands on Phai’s hips. “You are a sin and I know I will be damned but I can’t hold myself back anymore so it would be better if you would just leave”, he said with seriousness in his voice but his eyes which were filled with lust by now were telling a different story. He wanted Hephaistion to stay and make love to him. Preferably forever. 

„No, I have not.“  
Hephaistion smiled and leaned towards Alexander, as the latter drew nearer, closing any distance that was between them only seconds ago. The smile didn't leave his lips as he leaned forward, wrapping his arms around Alexander's neck and pushing against him until his friend's back hit the other side of the tub. He didn't withdraw when he felt that Alexander indeed was reacting to his body, he even got closer, the prince still looking at him with obvious desire in his eyes, and sat down on his lap.  
The heat clouded his mind and he couldn't think of anything else than Alexander. He knew he should be scared and get the hell out of here, but this time it was different.  
Alexander got himself under control, there wasn't any wine fogging his mind, nor was he influenced by other things.  
This was Alexander, only his Alexander. And if this was the chance to make him his, he definitely would cling to it.   
Hephaistion bit his lower lip as he kept staring at Alexander's before leaning down and placing a nearly innocent kiss on his mouth. Grinning, he leaned back and ground down on Alexander's lap, before cocking his head and licking his lips again.  
„It would be better, if I would leave? Me? You do realize that these are my rooms, Alexander...“  
The grin grew bigger on his face as he let his hand slip under water, between his own legs.  
From under half closed eyelids, he looked down on the prince, locking eyes with him.  
„I know that I am a sin... but why not take advantage of it and feed some life into the rumors, Cassander for sure is spreading in the palace by now anway...?“  
He knew what he was doing to Alexander, he knew exactly what his eyes, his looks were doing to him. But he couldn't stop. He wanted him.  
„So... do you still want to leave? Or do you want to hold me?“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (We'll take this little note here to thank PhaiFan again - we are glad that you are enjoying this fic and we hope that we will be able to keep pleasing you. ^_^)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another monday, another chapter.
> 
> This time, the rating kicks in - explicit sex ahead.  
> Also, an own character of us is mentioned, which you will meet next week, just to clear out any kind of confusion.  
> We hope you will like him!
> 
> Now have fun with this chapter, and see you next monday! :)

Alexander didn’t even know how to react to Hephaistion’s actions. In his most adventurous dreams he wouldn't have come up with a scenario where his beloved friend would try to seduce him. But he didn’t complain. Hell no. A masturbating Hephaistion was the most sexy thing ever and he was sure that he never had been so aroused in his life before like in this moment. “Phai…”, he purred, putting his hands on the older boy’s ass and squeezing lightly his firm ass cheeks. “You will be my end someday...”, he murmured and kissed Phai hard on the lips. “I don’t want you to go. I want to have you only for me.” Alexander kissed Phai’s moan right from his sweet lips and looked down. He nearly came at the sight of Hephaistion pleasuring himself for him. He felt like a teenager that couldn’t last longer than five minutes but it was all Hephaistion’s fault. He just shouldn’t let Alexander see him like this. “I want you so bad...” The prince slapped his friend’s hand away and began to stroke Phai’s hard cock himself. He never before pleasured any of his lovers but it was different now. Making Hephaistion moan was more satisfactory than being the one to receive pleasure. “Do you want me, too, Phai?”, he asked in a harsh voice, kissing and licking his lover’s neck which just begged to be marked by Alexander. He was right. The rumors were already spread around the palace like a plague so why shouldn’t they make them more real? 

Hephaistion couldn't help himself. As soon as he felt Alexander's hand around his cock, he threw his head back and moaned in pleasure, giving his friend even more room to abuse his skin. He closed his eyes and pressed himself closer to the other man, placing his hand around the foreign one and squeezing tight.  
„I belong only to you, Alexander“, he panted, putting all his honesty into his words. „I always have and I always will.“  
He kissed Alexander's lips, licked into his mouth and oppressed a greedy moan as he felt the other's tongue touching his own. While he kept kissing him and biting his lips keenly, he reached behind his back after he had let go of Alexander's hand, which was still satisfying him.  
The boy rocked his hips up involuntarily as soon as his fingers touched his own lower back. This time, he definitely would please Alexander. He simply had to keep him by his side, even if he had to use his body to do so, Hephaistion thought. Maybe it did make him more interesting after all.  
„I want you so bad, you have no idea“, he moaned, slipping his first finger inside of himself, preparing his body for Alexander.  
As he continued stretching himself for the prince's thick cock, fucking himself with two fingers now, he started to groan filthy things into Alexander's ear, tenderly biting his earlobe.  
„I want you to make me yours, Alexander. I want everyone to know that I only belong to you, that you love me the most, do you hear me?“  
Hephaistion sucked at the neck in front of him, bruising the skin, literally marking him.   
„I want you to take me, as hard as you want, and I want you to show me how much you want me.“  
He retreated his fingers and spread his legs a bite more, licking once again over the hickey he just gave the prince, before taking Alexander's throbbing cock into his hand and lining it up with his entrance.  
His eyes searched hungrily for Alexander's and he didn't look away as he slowly lowered himself down on his lap, feeling how he entered him in one go. A low moan escaped his throat when he finally felt Alexander inside of his body, his cock buried deeply in him – right where he belonged.  
His knuckles went white as he gripped the brink hardly with both of his hands when he first started to move his hips in circling motions.  
„And now I want you to fuck me.“

Alexander forgot how to breath when Hephaistion started to make himself ready for him. And the noises he was making were the most erotic thing he had ever heard. It just made him want to bend him over the edge of the bathtub and fuck him senseless until Hephaistion would forget about everything except Alexander’s name. But he looked so beautiful now, putting on a show just for the prince. It was a sight he never wanted to forget especially because he was sure that no one before him had the privilege to see Phai like this. It made him want to hide his friend from the rest of the world and just keep him close to himself forever. “Phai!”, he moaned when the boy lowered himself on his rock hard cock. He needed to use all of his willpower not to come into the tight hotness of his lover’s body. “Gods… you were made for me. Only for me. Do you get it? You are mine!” Alexander grabbed his friend’s hips and began to push himself into his beautiful lover. The way they fit together was perfect. And the fact that all of these feelings Hephaistion had for him were real only made him want to never let go of that boy again. Never before he felt so good having sex because he never before had sex based on something more than just the primal need to get off. But now he wanted to lose himself in Hephaistion. “I love you, Phai. Only you”, he moaned loudly when Hephaistion clenched around his cock. “You were born for me. You were made for my cock.” Alexander grabbed the older boy’s hair and pulled him to a brutal kiss, while he was hitting his prostate hard. He wanted to make Phai addicted to him so the boy would never leave his side. They were meant to be together and no one would convince him otherwise. 

Breathing became harder with every single second. Alexander felt amazing inside of him, penetrating him in the right way – he really knew how to please his lovers.   
Hephaistion started to work against his thrusts by grinding down on his cock, suddenly feeling as if he might black out.  
This was too much for him, he didn't expect to be that close to him ever again. But he was, and Alexander loved him, he just said it himself, so Hephaistion clung onto him like on dear life.  
He kissed the prince back with all he got, Alexander's hand in his hair, pulling him hard and keeping him in place as he wished to, only encouraged him even more.  
Alexander's thrust got more vigorously and it was hard for him to keep himself from coming. He literally needed some air between them.   
He pushed hard against Alexander's chest with one of his hands, while he got up and kissed Alexander hard on his lips, before biting along his jaw.  
„Alexander“, he panted, suddenly feeling way too empty without his friend's cock inside of him, making him feel heavenly pleased.  
„I want you to fuck me from behind. Fuck me like an animal.“  
With a last pull on Alexander's lower lip with his teeth, he leaned against the brink of the tub with both of his hands, bracing himself for Alexander entering him again.  
Throwing a glance to him over his shoulder, he flexed his muscles and grinned venturously.  
„Fuck me, my _king_.“

“Fuck”, Alexander muttered under his breath, watching as Hephaistion offered himself so naturally for him. How he was even real? The things Phai was doing to him… He briefly wondered if he was doing it on purpose but he had a more urgent task to take care of now so he quickly placed his hands on Hephaistion’s ass and took in the sight in front of him. “So fucking beautiful. So ready for me...” He licked his lips and bit one of Phai’s bottom cheeks. “I will fuck you so good”, he promised in a husky voice, while spreading his lover’s ass cheeks. Alexander leaned down a little more and licked his way from Hephaistion’s balls to his spine and finally made a huge hickey on his lover’s neck while entering him again. It was amazing how tight he still was even though Alexander fucked him hard just mere seconds ago. “Phai!” The prince moaned shamelessly, something he would have never done with any of his previous lovers. “Fuck! I’m your king. Say that I’m your king!”, he demanded, once again grabbing Phai’s hair into his fist and pulling his head back just to violate his neck again. He never knew that he would be so turned on just by someone calling him king but right now he needed to hear that he was Hephaistion’s king more than anything else. 

Hephaistion had no clue that he got that lewd as he was right now, only because Alexander pulled his hair. He got so turned on by it, that it made him hiss and move his ass back against Alexander's cock behind him, making him fuck as deep into him as he never did before.  
He opened his mouth but he couldn't moan, his voice got stuck in his throat when he felt the prince's mouth on his skin, his hips fulfilling deep thrusts into him.  
„You are my king, Alexander“, he moaned and laughed toey, because his words made his friend pound into him faster almost immediately.  
Hephaistion reached down to his cock and grabbed it tight, frantically rubbing himself. He could feel the orgasm building deep inside of him, as his body went incredible hot.  
„You are my fucking king! Only you, Alexander, you are my-“  
But he didn't got to finish his sentence. Alexander hit his sweet spot in the perfect angle with the perfect tether that it literally knocked the air out of his lungs.  
He clenched around Alexander's cock as the relief washed over him in an overwhelming wave as he came and covered his own hand with his come. Panting and trying to catch his breath while Alexander still fucked into him, he turned his head and looked at Alexander, his eyes dark with lust.  
„Come inside of me, my king. Mark me.“

Alexander really was fucking Hephaistion like an animal but he couldn’t help it. He wanted to mark his lover, to make Phai feel him long after their lovemaking so he would know who he belonged to. There was no way out now. The boy was fully his. He pounded into the hot body beneath him even faster when the lewd words escaped Phai’s lips. He smiled wickedly and hit his sweet spot one more time, making his lover come hard. “Fuck!”, he shouted when Hephaistion clenched impossibly tight around his cock. He bit the older boy’s arm and started to rock his hips even faster, looking for his own release which was already building in the lower parts of his stomach. “Phai!” A hoarse shout escaped his lungs when he emptied himself deep in his lover’s body. His orgasm hit him so hard that he was barely able to keep himself and Phai’s limp body up. “I love you…”, he whispered, placing sweet, soothing kisses along his lover’s neck while he was still coming down from his afterglow. His whole body was filled with pleasure and comfort even though he was dead tried. “You are all mine now”, he said, grabbing Hephaistion’s wrist and without a second thought he started to lick his fingers, wanting so badly to taste his Phai. 

All of his limbs were weak as rubber. Hephaistion couldn't keep himself on his legs any longer, they were shaking madly and Alexander's weight upon his back didn't make it easier for him. So he simply let himself slide into the water again.  
„All yours“, he whispered exhausted, leaning his head back against Alexander's shoulders. Damn, he really was ruined. He couldn't move a single finger and was only able to grin slightly as he felt a hot tongue licking his come off his fingers.  
„You naughty little beggar...“, he chuckled, slowly turning around and kissing Alexander on his lips. With the seconds passing by, the kiss grew more intense and Hephaistion tilted his head to his side to have a better access to his mouth. Tasting himself on Alexander's tongue, he moaned into the kiss before breaking it all of a sudden, looking from clouded eyes into the prince's face.  
„We seriously have to get out of the water and get dressed... they'll be badmouthing like lunatics by now...“

“I don’t care”, Alexander murmured against his lips and kissed him again. “They are gossiping all the time”, he smiled and lifted Hephaistion on his arms when he finally had his strength back. It took him a while to make his limbs work again but it was worth it. Hephaistion clutched to him like a baby panda and it made Alexander’s heart ache because of the fact that his friend trusted him so much to let the prince take care of him. Alexander carefully made his way out of the bathtub with Hephaistion securely held in his tight embrace. “I am the prince. I can do whatever I please. And now I want to spend this day in your bed.” Alexander kissed Phai’s neck and laid his lover carefully down on the soft mattress, while taking in the sight in front of him. Hephaistion looked so beautiful now. His hair was a mess and his lips were angry red and puffed from all the hungry kisses they shared. His body was still wet and the water drops were shining in the morning sun, making Phai look like some god. “How are you even real?”, Alexander sighed in pure awe, staring openly at his Hephaistion. 

Hephaistion sighed heavily when his naked skin touched the cool bedclothes. It made him shiver and he could feel light goose bumps creeping over his legs and back.  
„I don't know“, he smiled, reaching with his arms towards Alexander to make him lie down next to him.   
„Maybe I am not real? Who knows? Maybe I am just an imagination, sent from the gods to play with your royal mind?“  
He started to giggle and hid his flushed face behind his hands, still feeling thrilled from the hot sex he just had. With Alexander.   
The embarrassment hit him so hard that he had to laugh at himself. Why did he act like an innocent little virgin now? It didn't suit his stoic, collected self which he normally kept up all the time.  
Shaking his head, he looked smiling at Alexander and opened his mouth to tell him how much he loved him, but he got interrupted by a faint knocking on the wooden surface of the door.   
Confused, he reached for the sheets and covered himself and Alexander, before shouting a weary „come in!“.  
Into the room came a shy looking, young boy Hephaistion knew by sight. He was the one who delivered letters and packages, simply an errand boy.  
But wait... letters... could it be? He could have made it, Hephaistion's home wasn't that far away...  
„Hephaistion“, his quiet voice said while he bowed in front of him.   
„And my dearest prince. I came to inform you, that your brother is accepting your letter and coming to visit you. He should arrive in the evening. We also prepared a guest room already. You don't have to worry about anything.“  
He bowed again, blushing hard as he realized that, under the blankets, both of them were naked, before stumbling out of the room backwards and closing the door behind him.  
Meanwhile, Hephaistion sat flabbergasted on his bed. He totally forgot about Leander, his beloved brother.

Alexander let Hephaistion cover both of them with a blanket just in time before the boy came in. He didn’t want anyone to see Phai like this, so he was glad for his lover's reaction. Only he was allowed to see him like this, after all. But now there would be for sure gossiping going around the palace but he still couldn’t bring himself to care. Actually he was glad that everyone would know that Hephaistion was off limits. “You haven’t told me that you invited your brother here”, he said with curiosity in his voice while caressing softly Phai’s belly. He knew that his friend had a brother but he never talked much about him and Alexander never pushed. “I have never met him before. Does he look like you? I bet you’re the one who inherited all the beauty in your family”, he murmured, kissing his lover’s neck. He knew he was courting Phai like he courted women but he wanted to spoil him a little after such a great sex. “We should lock the door. I don’t want anyone to interrupt us anymore”, he said after he made a huge hickey on Hephaistion’s collarbone. 

„Uhm, well... to be honest, I totally forgot about him.“ Hephaistion laughed nervously and closed his eyes, burying his fingers in Alexander's damp hair as he nipped at his collarbone. Gently massaging his head, he relaxed and enjoyed the prince's closeness.  
„I know I didn't“, he started with an apologetic sound in his voice, „I wasn't feeling very... good, when I did so. But Leander is really nice, I love him very much. And no... he doesn't look like me. He is taller, broader... more brawny than me. But... let's not talk about my brother anymore.“  
He grinned and rolled out of the bed, naked as he was, and closed the door shut, locking it.  
„Now you are mine“, he whispered, slinking back to the bed and lying down on top of Alexander's hot body. „I won't have to share you any longer. With anyone.“  
Smiling, Hephaistion placed his hands around Alexander's face and kissed him on his billowed lips, simultaneously starting to rub his crotch gently against the other's, the heat already boiling in his stomach again. The kiss grew deeper, and Hephaistion lay completely down on Alexander, the friction on his cock in between their bodies intoxicantly.  
„But... tell me more about your plans for today. What do you want to do? Or should I ask...“ He grinned cocky, nearly mocking. „... _how'_ you want to do _me_?“

Alexander smiled and moaned at the same time when Hephaistion started to rub himself against him, the sensation sending a jolt of heavy desire through his body. And to think that mere seconds ago his lover was completely out of breath... “You have a lot of stamina”, he said with satisfaction in his voice. “You should train a little and I will help you with it.” A mischievous smile appeared on his face as he rolled them over so now he was on top of Hephaistion. “I will make you feel so good, Phai.” Alexander kissed him hard, nipping at his bottom lip. “All mine”, he murmured, kissing Hephaistion’s chest. His hand traveled up his side and he smiled as Phai gasped and a wave of goosebumps erupted on his skin. The small sound fanned his bursting lust for the boy even more and he bit gently his lover’s rosebud. “Now everybody will know”, he whispered with a possessive vibe in his voice, bending down to trace the smooth skin with his lips, licking away the last remaining water drops. “I love you.” Alexander relished the feeling of his lover’s body pressed against him, Phai’s finger on his scalp, massaging gently and tucking his hair when he discovered another sensitive spot. He could spend all day just finding out what would make Phai moan so beautifully. “And I want to taste you”, he murmured and licked Hephaistion’s hard erection with curiosity in his eyes. He never did that for another man ever before but he was determined to give his lover as much pleasure as possible. 

Hephaistion enjoyed Alexander's lips and fingers on his skin so much, that he could feel the burning heat between his legs overwhelming him again.  
How was that even possible? Before he developed his feelings for the prince, he wasn't even that interested in having sex... it was only a primal urge to release his lust once at a time when the pressure became too much. He didn't even care who he was sleeping with, it just _happened_. And now his feelings were so strong, that he couldn't even imagine being without Alexander, his love, physically and emotionally, without his heart breaking in two.  
He was seriously fucked.   
„I want everyone to know that I am yours, Alexander...“, he whispered and tore at the other's hair as he started to lick down his body, throwing his head back in ecstasy.  
„As long as I am the only one for you, I don't mind the others to know... for God's sake, Alexander!“, he cried out as he felt the latter's tongue on his cock, licking wet stripes from the base up to the tip. He tightened his own grip in the blond hair and tried to pull him back to him. A kind of shocking pleasure was flowing through his body, he was thrilled. Never did he expect Alexander to explore those low parts of his body – he was the prince after all. And from what he knew, he never gave head. To anyone.  
He couldn't help himself and thrusted his hips shallowly up, feeling drunk from all the lust, clearly enjoying what the other was doing.  
„You don't have to do this, Alexander.“

„But I want to.” Alexander bit the inside of Phai’s thigh and licked his cock again. “And I can tell that you want it, too”, he said with a smug smile on his face, extremely proud of himself that he was able to make Hephaistion so feverish with lust. “Just tell me what you like”, he added and slowly took Hephaistion’s cock into his mouth, testing his gag reflex but apparently he was missing it. He closed his eyes for a moment, tasting Phai. It wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be. Quite the opposite. The pure taste of his lover only made him want him more and he started to suck eagerly, trying to recall the things his previous lovers were doing to make him crazy. Alexander actually wanted to take his time but the noises Hephaistion was making… He was just a human, how could he hold back when his lover was so eager and hot beneath him? So he just sucked him like there was no tomorrow, discovering that if he licked the head of Phai's cock in a particular way, the boy would completely lose his control and that was a huge turn on for Alexander. The prince wanted Hephaistion to lose himself completely in pleasure so he would forget about the manners and all the things that made him hold back from being completely into it. “You taste so good”, he praised his lover when he let go off Phai’s cock for a moment before taking it back into his hot mouth, but now without breaking the eye contact with his lover.

„Oh god, Alexander.“ Hephaistion took a deep breath and hid his face behind his hands, feeling an unbelievably hot blush creeping up his face. This was seriously way too much. Alexander himself was enough to make him lose all his senses and the ability to control them, but _this_ – just no. He really tried to contain himself, but when Alexander swallowed him in one go, he couldn't help it. His hips darted forward, thrusting with ease but as soon as he realized what he was doing – he literally couldn't just _fuck the prince's face_ – he gripped Alexander's hair and tugged at it until he let go of him – and finally broke the eye contact. It was embarrassing. But in a very hot, frustrating way.  
„I can't let you do this, Alexander...“  
Hephaistion spread his legs a bit more so that Alexander could lie down between them in the most comfortable way possible.  
„I want to please you... not the other way around.“  
He smiled keenly and kissed the prince hard on his mouth, biting his lips and reaving his mouth. He only stopped to gasp for air, before he rolled both of them around so that he was sitting on top of him, Alexander's hard-on clearly palpable on his lower back. With shaking hands he reached behind him and strocked him, looking him in the eyes while doing so.  
„That's why I want you, my beyond belief naughty king, to relax and let me do the work.“  
With one of his hands resting on Alexander's chest, Hephaistion sat down on the other's cock with ease, his hole still stretched from the breathtaking fucking before, feeling how he slipped into his wet hotness with facility.  
He oppressed a moan and closed his eyes for a second, only to adjust to the feeling, before he braced himself on Alexander's chest, now with both hands.  
He leaned down to give him an open mouthed kiss, making an obscene sound when their lips parted again. Grinning, he licked his lips and started to move his hips more vigorously, finding a hard pace which he could hold for a while.   
Alexander's shameless moans were for sure enough payment for him and the efforts he had to take with his exhausted body right now.

Alexander frowned a little when Hephaistion pushed him away. He didn’t want to stop now. He wanted to taste his lover and was really surprised that even in such an intimate situation Phai was still treating him like his prince. “But I want to please you, too, Phai. And I want you to stop treating me like your prince. We will save that for another time…” Alexander moaned loudly when his throbbing cock was once again surrounded by Hephaistion’s tight hotness. “Yes…”, he smiled and started to move his hips against his lover. “I want you to scream my name. I want to see how much you love it. Say it, Phai. Say my name”, he ordered, pressing his fingers into the boy’s ass, for sure leaving some marks. All his doubts about this being a bad idea flew through the window when he saw how gorgeous Hephaistion was looking while riding his cock. Alexander watched as well defined muscles were moving under his skin with every move of his lover. Phai really was as flexible as a gymnastic when he was sinking down, arching his back like a cat in heat. “So beautiful…”, he moaned, looking into Hephaistion’s half-lidded and hazed from pleasure eyes. Alexander moved his hands on the boy’s hips, helping him to move even faster. “I want to fuck you forever”, he said with pure lust in his voice, putting his hand on Hephaistion’s neck and bending him down to kiss his moans right from his lips. 

Hephaistion grinned, his chest heaving. „I don't treat you like my prince, Alexander...“  
He clenched his muscles, tightening himself around Alexander's cock. „I treat you like the king you are...“  
The movements of his hips got faster, he could already feel the heat inside of his body, clouding his mind and letting tears build in his eyes from all the pleasure.  
He rolled his hips as he leaned down and entered Alexander's mouth with his tongue, imitating the thrusts the prince was chasing into him.  
Carefully, he leaned back and gripped Alexander's legs, his body now in full view for the latter. He threw his head back, biting his lips until he could taste blood, moaning Alexander's name in the dirtiest way he imagined he ever could.  
„You want me to scream your name?“, he hissed and let go of Alexander's firm legs with one hand, only to touch his painfully hard cock. „Make me scream it...“  
His throat felt sore from all the moaning and his cock was so hard that it felt like bursting. But he couldn't stop moving, especially not now since he felt his orgasm building.  
„Alexander...“, he groaned, looking him hungrily in the eyes. „I think, I am going to come...“

“Yes, scream my name just like that”, Alexander said in a husky voice, looking with hunger in his eyes at his beautiful lover. Now he could see all of Hephaistion’s body and he let his hands roam over the most sensitive spots on Phai’s skin just to make him moan louder. “Come for me, Phai!” The prince licked his lips, thrusting even harder into his friend and watching with fascination as Hephaistion was jerking himself off. But this wasn't right, _he_ wanted to be the one to make him come so he pushed his lover’s hand away and started to massage his hard cock himself. He also was mere seconds away from coming but he was holding himself back. He wanted his lover to come first just to be sure that he would be satisfied and the memory of their miserable first time would be erased. “Come, Phai. I want to see that!” He nearly forgot how to breathe when Hephaistion came in his hand, painting his chest and even his chin with his semen. His own orgasm hit him hard just mere seconds after his lover and for a while he forgot his own name. “Fuck…”, he breathed out, feeling how his lover collapsed on top of him. Alexander embraced him and started to lazily massage Phai’s back and ass. “You were amazing”, he whispered into the older boy’s ear. 

Hephaistion buried his nose in Alexander's neck and tried to breathe and calm his madly beating heart. He puffed his hot breath against his lover's even hotter skin and pecked a small kiss on it, before he let himself fall besides him, the sheets chilling his skin almost immediately.  
He reached for Alexander's hand and clutched it tightly with his fingers, his blue eyes searching for the dark ones.  
„I love you, Alexander.“  
He lifted his hand and kissed the back of it, before grinning and getting up. It was time to get himself ready. He needed to take a quick bath, again, considering his sweaty body, come smeared across his skin, before he had to dress himself and get everything prepared for Leander's arrival.  
„But now I really have to clean myself... all over again. This time“, he grinned mockingly at him, „you stay outside.“  
Blowing a kiss in his direction, he went to the bordering bathroom, his legs slightly shaking, and god, his ass – he really tried to not think of that uncomfortable feeling – and closed the door firmly behind his back.  
A smile built itself on his lips. Leander. He would finally see his brother again.


	12. Chapter 12

“You look amazing”, Alexander murmured in Hephaistion’s ear as the two of them were walking down the empty corridor. The prince was keeping his lover close to him, with his arm around Phai’s slim waist. “I truly don’t know how you expect me to keep my hands off of you when you are dressed like this.” He sighed heavily when Phai once again slapped his hand away when it wandered under Hephaistion’s short robe. His lover had amazing, long legs and Alexander would be very happy if he could touch them nonstop but he promised to behave in front of Leander. Still, that promise didn’t stop him from having a make out session just a few minutes ago but Hephaistion was a tough opponent and quickly set himself free from Alexander’s embrace, promising him with a sweet voice that he would make it up to him later. But the prince wasn’t used to waiting especially now, when he knew about the things Hephaistion was capable to do in bed. Hephaistion was evil and he was using his sexy body against Alexander, innocently telling him that it was the only clean robe that he had now. The prince knew that his lover was just trying to seduce him because he saw the satisfaction on Phai’s face when Alexander eyed him hungrily. But he would punish him for that later and only that thought was keeping him from ravishing Hephaistion in some dark corner. 

„Stop complimenting me, Alexander“, Hephaistion hissed and tried to hide his smile. The prince made him some hard times to dress himself, lying on his bed and eyeing him with those dark eyes, that were checking out his body hungrily.  
But he stayed strong and resisted Alexander's charm. His heart was beating faster in his chest because it made him incredibly happy that the prince behaved that open in front of him, holding him tight and not leaving his side, not even out in public.  
Hephaistion got his hopes up, that maybe now was the time when Alexander was ready to stand by him? Offically? As his... yeah, what, lover?  
„I really can't wait for you to meet Leander“, he started happily while they reached the next corridor, now only one more away from the rooms Leander should be waiting in by now.  
„I hope that you will like him!“  
He leaned his head against Alexander's shoulder and kissed his neck, fluttering with his eyelashes while a grin spread itself on his face. It was really important for him that the prince liked his brother. They were friends for so long now and when he and Leander would get along, well, nothing would stand between him and a very bright future. The boy was sure of that.  
Finally reaching their destination, Hephaistion cleared his throat, knocked on the wooden door and felt warm in an instant as he could hear his brother's warm voice calling him in.  
With a last glance on Alexander and a whispered „please, just behave!“, he opened the door and got in.  
Leander stood by the bed, apparently unpacking the few things he brought with himself to the palace, but as soon as his eyes met Hephaistion's he turned around and rushed towards him, hugging him in one of those mighty bear hugs the boy haven't felt in years.  
„Hephaistion! For God's sake, you look even more beautiful now. Life here really does you good. It suits you!“  
The boy's blue eyes literally shone while he looked at his brother, keeping him at an arm's distance.  
„You look good yourself, Leander. How was your journey? Don't tell me you came here all by yourself? It's dangerous, even for a man buff like you.“  
He gave his shoulders a final squeeze before turning around and giving Alexander an apologetic smile.  
„Excuse me, Alexander... may I introduce my brother Leander to you?“

Alexander sent him an innocent smile and stepped into the room with curiosity in his eyes. Leander really didn’t resemble his brother even a little bit but he was charming in his own way. Very, very charming in a way that made Alexander want to discover further. “It’s nice to meet you, Leander”, he said with a small smile and shook Leander’s hand. His grip was much stronger than Hephaistion’s gentle one and that knowledge was really making the prince think about other differences between the brothers. Like, for example, how was Leander in bed? Was he bossy and completely self confident? He appeared so. Alexander quickly pushed those thoughts away and concentrated on Hephaistion. They just had a fantastic day and phenomenal sex so he shouldn’t be thinking about others. Especially not about Phai’s brother. “I will make sure that you will enjoy your stay here”, he said while bringing Hephaistion close to him. He needed that closeness now to remind himself that Phai was the only one that he wanted. 

Hephaistion smiled happily from his brother to Alexander and back. So apparently those two wouldn't jump at each other and try to kill the other one. Good.  
He faintly blushed as he felt Alexander pulling him closer to him, his gaze nervously flicked to his brother but Leander apparently didn't mind that the two of them were close friends.  
„Okay... so, do you need something?“, he asked while he got free from Alexander's suddenly tight grip around his waist, shooting him a confused look, asking with his eyes what the heck was wrong all of a sudden. He promised to behave! And now he clung to him like a little baby panda...  
„Well, actually, I do need something“, Leander replied with his low voice, smiling at his little brother and puling him close to him by his hands. „I need to spend some time with my brother. Would you grant me that wish?“ He winked at him and Hephaistion returned his smile.  
„You wouldn't mind him eating supper with us, would you, Alexander?“  
He turned his head, still tightly embraced by his brother and looked at the prince with innocent, shiny eyes.

“That would be my pleasure.” Alexander smiled and looked once again at Hephaistion. He looked so happy and that made the prince suddenly feel guilty. How could he even think about having sex with Leander? It would for sure break Phai’s heart. But he needed to play it cool so no one would know what was going on in his head. “Maybe I should leave you two alone? I’m sure you want to spend some time with your brother, Phai”, he said, wanting to just get out of this room and stop thinking about having both of them in his bed. Where did these thoughts even come from? “We can all meet at the dinner”, he added, trying not to look Hephaistion in the eyes, afraid that the older boy would read his thoughts. 

About one hour later, in which Hephaistion and Leander talked about their mother and the new born little sister the boy haven't even met in person yet, their house and the situation at home – and a lot of hugs, because Hephaistion loved the way Leander held him, he felt safe and like the little boy he was when Leander hugged him the last time - , they got into the hall.  
Hephaistion searched with his eyes for Alexander and found him almost immediately, already sitting at the table, a huge plate with delicious food and wine placed in front of him.  
„Come on, let's take a seat“, he smiled and took Leander's hand, leading him the way to the table. His smile grew even wider when Alexander returned his gaze and raised a smile on his own.  
„Hey“, Hephaistion whispered, placing a short kiss on Alexander's forehead, before taking the seat next to him.  
Then he reached for a piece of bread and started to eat in silence while he listened to Alexander, talking to his brother who took the last free seat on Alexander's other side.

Alexander listened to the stories Leander was telling with true curiosity. The young man was really fascinating just like his brother and he definitely had this _something_ that was pulling Alexander towards him. He constantly needed to remind himself that Leander was Hephaistion’s brother so he was off limits. And even if the situation would have been different, one night of pleasure wasn’t worth risking this beautiful bond he had with Phai. “So, how do you like it here?”, he asked while slowly drinking his wine and observing Leander from over the rim of the cup. “Hephaistion never told me lots of things about you and I wasn’t aware of the fact that he now has a baby sister, as well. I would like to see her”, he said with a smile and looked at Hephaistion. “And you should see her, too. I’m sure she looks similar to you. Does she have blue eyes like Phai?”, he asked Leander, leaning back and making himself comfortable in his chair. 

Hephaistion's heart skipped a beat when he heard Alexander offering him going home to visit his family, especially his little sister. He would love to see her, and he missed his mother so much it hurt sometimes. But he couldn't show this, he was a future general of the king. It was impossible for him to show weakness in front of the others.  
But before he could say a word, Leander opened his mouth and started talking so that Hephaistion only sat back with his cup of wine and drank it in silence.  
„Your palace is really beautiful, Alexander. It is really nice being here, even though I haven't seen a lot yet. But I am sure we can change that.“ Leander smiled and took a sip of his wine, leaning more into Alexander's direction, looking at him with interest in his eyes.  
„Well, yes“, he laughed and looked over to Hephaistion who wasn't really paying attention, only listening to them.  
„She does have his eyes. She even has his nose, you could say that she is a little female Hephaistion.“

Alexander laughed and took another sip from his cup. “I’m sure that she is lovely”, he said with a wide smile. He was getting pleasantly light headed from the wine so he didn’t even notice that Leander was successful getting closer to him. The prince licked his lips and looked again at Hephaistion, trying to run away from those beautiful onyx eyes that were burning holes into his skin. “Would you like to visit your family, Phai?”, he asked, putting his hand on Hephaistion’s one. “I am sure that you miss them.” He didn’t want his friend to be homesick but he knew that Phai would never let that show so it was in his hands to make him feel better without Hephaistion making a fuss about it. 

„I would love to.“  
Hephaistion smiled sincerely and turned his hand to enlace his fingers with Alexander's, looking him in the eyes. „Maybe I could go back with Leander, when he decides to leave?“  
Leander nodded, apparently pleased with this idea and took another mouthful of wine. The blue eyed boy felt relieved and as mean as it may have sounded, he couldn't wait for his brother to go home again. Seeing his mother who he loved so much again... and his baby sister... Hephaistion felt warm inside of his chest.  
But suddenly, a loud burst filled the hall and all the chattering came to a halt. Hephaistion's head whipped around and he could see Nevena, kneeling on the floor and gathering shards from the floor. It looked like she stumbled and a plate fell down on the floor. Abruptly feeling worried for her well being, he got up and smiled at the two younger men apologetically.  
„Excuse me while I look after her... Don't mind my absence, I'll be right back.“  
He turned around and quickly walked towards the still kneeling woman, who was now humiliated by Cassander who was calling her bad names for not paying enough attention.  
„It's enough, Cassander!“, Hephaistion barked and placed his hands on Nevena's shoulders, carefully making her stand up and leading her away, out of the hall, after he quickly checked over her body and only saw some cuts on her hands. She needed to see a healer, even if it wasn't that bad.

“Your brother really loves you.” Alexander smiled and poured more wine into Leander cup. “I guess you two were really close when you were kids but how is it possible that you don’t have any resemblance?”, he asked with curiosity in his voice. “And why has Hephaistion been sent here? You’re the older sibling, am I right?” He leaned a little closer to Leander as they hit their cups together. Some distance voice in Alexander’s head was telling him that he shouldn’t drink that much because it was always ending in all the bad ways possible but it felt nice now and Leander was a good company, so what should actually happen?   
~  
“Thank you, Hephaistion.” Nevena glared at Cassander and allowed her friend to help her up and get out of the room. “He is such an asshole! I hate him!”, she said with anger in her voice. “But you shouldn’t leave your brother just because of me, Phai. Especially because of the looks he was giving your beloved prince.” Nevena sighed, knowing that it would break Hephaistion’s heart if Alexander would sleep with his brother. Royal fucker. She still was planning on poisoning his food. He deserved it for letting Leander flirt with him. 

„I love him, too. He means so much to me, I would give my life for him.“ Leander smiled, and leaned on his side, sitting closer to Alexander. He really loved his brother, as kids they had an unbelievable close connection. It faded a bit since Hephaistion wasn't at home in years now, but they kept close contact by writing letters to each other. Leander thought, he knew his brother very well.  
„Let's say that he got the looks from our mother and I am resembling our father... lucky him.“ Grinning, he took another sip of his wine, freshly filled now, and looked at Alexander.  
„You two seem to be close friends. Don't get me wrong, I am happy that he found an anchor in his life after my mother decided to send him away... I don't exactly know why, I think because as kids we had a pretty hard life, with our father that died in a battle... But... well, how comes that he isn't married yet? I expected him to have a beautiful wife at his side, hell, even a little child... but instead, I see the prince with him.“  
He raised his eyebrows mockingly and was curious of Alexander's explanation.  
~  
Hephaistion sat in the healer's room he brought Nevena to. The old man wasn't there yet, but he sent a boy out to search for him and bring him. While waiting, he sat across Nevena and looked at her.  
„I have no words for Cassander. He is an evil human being and Alexander has to get rid off him as soon as he will be the king. I swear to the Gods, he is up to no good.“  
Caressing her shoulder, his movements suddenly stopped when he heard her next words.  
„What...?“, he asked vague, suddenly feeling very uncertain. „Leander was giving him looks...? No, no Nevena. He wouldn't do this.“  
He laughed nervously and tried not to think about that. What if she was right...? What if – no. He closed his eyes and banned the image out of his head. Alexander wouldn't do this. Not after yesterday and today's morning.  
„I need to stay by your side anyway, my love... I have to take care of you. At least until the healer looked over your wounds and who knows how long it will take him until he arrives...“  
Glancing worried at her hands, Hephaistion leaned back in his chair and lay his head back, staring at the ceiling.  
„You know... Alexander and I... we slept with each other.“

“You are both amazingly beautiful”, Alexander said honestly and looked Leander in the eyes. “You both have this something that makes it hard not to look at you. I also think that you would be a great general in my army.” The prince smiled and looked at the closed door with surprise on his face. “He is still young, barely twenty. He has time for a family and a child. Now he is more concentrated on his career. I just support him on his way to the top, that’s why we are so close. He is also a great company, very smart.” Alexander knew that he shouldn’t tell Leander too much because it was Phai’s decision on how much his brother should know about their new relationship. “And how about you? Do you have a wife? You are older so I think that you already have a child”, he said with a huge smile on his face.   
~   
The girl sighed heavily and looked at Hephaistion like on an idiot. “I knew that something was up. You should have given up on him long ago, but no. You are so stubborn, Hephaistion. And so blind. Did you at least tell your brother that you are now with Alexander?”, she asked, raising her brow suspiciously at him. “Because your brother has no wife and he is in that age where he should already have a child. So I can easily guess that he has the same preferences as you. And from what I saw, Alexander was getting drunk and that never ends up well”, she said with seriousness in her voice. “That’s why you should go there. Don’t mind me. It’s just a couple of cuts. Cassander will look hell worse when I will be done with him...” A mischievous smile appeared on her face as she was planning on doing some pranks on Cassander. 

„You really know how to use your charm, don't you?“, Leander asked, voice deep and eyes focused on Alexander's face. He didn't even know what made him behave this open around the _prince_ since he was a stranger, but Alexander apparently was very fond of him, so he didn't mind. At least he could have some fun that way.  
„No... I am not married and therefore I don't have a child, since women provide little to no distraction for me.“ He winked at the prince and drank the last sip of wine out of his cup, before putting it back on the table, leaning back and crossing his fingers, letting his hands hang loosely between his casually spread legs.  
~  
„What should I do, Nevena?“ Hephaistion's voice sounded weary, his heart pounded in his chest with the sudden fear that his friend could be right. „I just can't stop loving him, you know what he's doing to me... He already has my heart in his hands.“  
He sighed heavily and buried his face in his hands, his fingers digging in his skin. She just could not be right. Alexander said himself he loved him. He was the only one. Wasn't he? He should be sure of that, feel assured, but instead he couldn't get rid of the image of Leander and Alexander in an intimate postion.  
Suddenly, he stood up and kissed Nevenas forehead, determined to check on them. He was sure they were still sitting at the table and Leander was telling the prince embarrassing stories of their childhood. „Are you sure I can leave you alone?“, he asked with sorrow in his voice, but when she nodded, he placed a kiss on her hair and stroke her cheek.   
„I will be back soon. I will just... check on them.“  
And without turning back he got out of the room.

Alexander looked at Leander's spread thighs with hunger in his eyes, the alcohol already fogging his mind, making him unable to think with his brain, so he did so instead with his dick. “You’re the one who is using his charm on me, Leander”, the prince smiled and put his hand on the other’s knee, licking his lips. “I shouldn’t drink around any of you”, he sighed as his hand traveled up Leander’s thigh. He didn’t even notice when the boy got so close to him but he didn’t care because his cock was already half hard and ready for some action. Even all the thoughts about Hephaistion were erased from his mind by the pure lust toward Leander. “You’re making me go mad”, he said with desire in his eyes.   
~  
“I know, Hephaistion, that’s why you need to go there, kick his stupid ass and remind him that you’re the only one who he needs”, she said with a reassuring smile. “He is an idiot but he loves you. He just didn’t get a chance to see that he would be nothing without you. Now go. I will be alright.” She was sure that Hephaistion didn’t hear her last sentence but it wasn’t important now. Hephaistion deserved happiness so she prayed silently that this _prince of idiots_ wouldn’t do something stupid. 

Leander grinned keenly when he felt Alexander's hand on his thigh, licking his lips and grabbing a hold of him, looking around. „I don't think you want to get caught by the others, do you“, he whispered in Alexander's ear before he stood up and pulled the prince along with him, out of the hall, hoping that no one would notice the hard-on that was tenting his robes.   
„You really do things to me, you know“, he panted slightly as he dragged him around the corner - he primarily wanted to go further away from the hall but he simply didn't make it. His mind was way too clouded to think ahead and he definitely was too horny.  
He pushed Alexander up against the wall and kissed him brutish on his lips, all aggressive tongue, while he nestled his hands underneath his robes, grabbing his cock and embracing it in a tight hold.  
„I seriously need you to get off on me“, Leander grinned and pushed his own body against Alexander's, feeling the heat radiate off of him.  
~  
 _Please let them still sit at the table and drink some wine_ , Hephaistion thought and repeated it like a prayer over and over again in his head.  
 _Please don't let Alexander lose his control again. Please don't. Please let me be enough for him. Please._  
He had a bad feeling, which was lying heavily in his stomach and his heart pounded faster and faster the closer he came to the hall. Nearly stumbling around the corner, Nevena's words still in his mind, he came to a halt and forgot how to breathe.  
His eyes couldn't take in what they saw, mere meters away. Alexander pushed against the wall by his very own brother, his hands all over the other's body, engaged in a very eager kiss.  
 _No_  
Hephaistion couldn't feel his heart beating in his chest anymore as a thick lump built itself in his throat, while tears started to burn in his eyes. This couldn't be real. He was only dreaming, his mind played with him and he was only imagining Nevena's warning.  
But when a moan escaped Alexander's throat as Leander started to thrust his hips against him, Hephaistion knew that it definitely was real.  
He couldn't move a single finger as he started at the scene in front of him, solely the tears found their way out of his eyes and painted his cheeks.  
„I was such an idiot to believe your words could actually be honest for once in your life.“ Feeling as if his heart just broke – and the boy was sure it in fact just did so – he only was able to shake his head.

Alexander nodded and stood up, following Leander into some dark corner. He knew that he shouldn’t do it because Leander wasn’t Hephaistion and Alexander loved Hephaistion and only him. But he still allowed to be pushed against the wall by the slightly taller man and kissed him back with all he got. The moment the older boy started to rub his crotch against him, he completely forgot about Hephaistion and gave in to the lust. “You are really something, aren’t you?”, he said with a smirk on his face as he started to massage Leander’s ass. “I bet you are a great lover”, he murmured into his lips and kissed him hard and demanding. Alexander moaned shamelessly and started to get his hands under Leander’s robe, but when he suddenly heard Hephaistion’s voice, he stopped abruptly in his tracks. “Fuck…”, he muttered, completely sober in mere seconds. The prince quickly pushed the other boy away and looked at his beloved friend. “Hephaistion! I…”, he started but he didn’t know what to say and the pain in Phai’s eyes was making him want to kill himself. “I didn’t mean to! Fuck! Phai, I love you!” Alexander was talking quickly as he approached Hephaistion. “I’m sorry, Phai. I’m truly sorry”, he said quietly, looking him in the eyes. “I will never do that again. I promise.” 

Still shaking his head, Hephaistion took a step back, away from Alexander who was coming closer. His eyes searched for Leander, filled with pain, but he couldn't be mad at his brother since he didn't know how madly in love the boy was with the prince. And Alexander was handsome and eager for body contact. Leander was innocent. But he still couldn't keep his eyes on him when his brother opened his mouth, raw pain visible on his face, wanting to apologize – for nothing. Hephaistion knew that he felt horrible, now realizing what the prince meant for his little brother.  
But Hephaistion didn't want to see the apologetic look on the other's face. He turned his head away and fisted his hands into his clothes, trying to remain calm and not to show too many emotions on his features. But he failed miserably.  
„You know“, he started weakly, his voice shaking terribly, „I don't want you to be sorry. And I don't want you to promise things you won't be able to keep anyway.“  
He whiped the tears from his face in a harsh motion, looking Alexander dead in the eyes.  
„You definitely _meant to_ “, he echoed, „because I know who you are. What you need. And clearly I am not enough to satisfy your needs. But still, after this morning... I don't know why I fooled myself in believing that your words were true, your actions... I thought I could be enough. I really started to believe that you could really love me.“

“Every word I said was true. You need to believe me. I love you, Phai, and I will change for you, just give me one last chance. This time I won’t fuck up, I promise.” Alexander was speaking fast, trying to somehow convince Hephaistion that he really wanted to make up everything for him. “I want you. Only you. You are the only one who makes me happy and I don’t know what I thought when I made out with Leander. I was drunk, Phai. I wouldn’t do that otherwise...” He looked into his friend’s eyes and gently wiped the tears from his cheeks. Now he truly realized that he didn’t want to lose his best friend. He suffered it once and he was sure that this time it would make him even more miserable. It was time for him to face the truth – he was nothing without Hephaistion who was his sun, his moon, his _everything_. He was the only person who Alexander could trust. So how could he be so stupid to let down the only one person who really cared about him? 

„You don't understand me. I don't _want_ you to change, Alexander. You are the way you are and if you changed, you wouldn't be the same anymore. But it's okay. It's okay.“  
He touched the back of Alexander's hand which was wiping his tears and took it away from him, giving it a quick squeeze.  
„You don't want me, believe me. You _think_ that you want me, but you don't. You want to conquer the world, to be the Greatest of all time and I know exactly _this_ Alexander. This is you. What are the people saying...? That alcohol reveals one's true self...?“  
He shot a glance to Leander who was now worrying his lips, clearly feeling uncomfortable.  
„And you as well don't need me. Earlier that day, I thought I could be enough for you... but you simply like to fool around. And that's okay.“  
Hephaistion nodded as if to support himself when he let go of Alexander's hand. It felt like a farewell, this time for good.  
„But I can't take this any longer.“  
He turned around as he felt tears welling up in his eyes again and choked on a sob, pressing a hand against his mouth to muffle it, but it was of no use.  
„I... I need to go now.“  
But Alexander apparently didn't want him to go. He reached for Hephaistion's arm, but the latter couldn't stand his touch, not now, not after he touched Leander with those hands. He didn't know what got into him, but when he whirled around, he couldn't help himself and slapped Alexander across his face with the back of his hand.  
„Don't you get it?!“, he screamed and looked at him, anguish filling his eyes. „I don't just love you, Alexander. You are everything to me, you are of more value than my own life.“  
He turned his face away and shook his head, before turning around again.  
„I am in love with you.“, he whispered, before he left the two men behind, leaving his heart there as well, shattered, torn into pieces by Alexander himself.

“Phai…”, Alexander pleaded one more time, looking after his friend with pain in his eyes. He didn’t want to let him go but he also couldn’t do anything to make him stay. This time he really fucked up without a single way to make it better. “I think you should go to your dorms, Leander”, he said with an empty voice and went to his own dorms without even looking back. He just hoped that Hephaistion would at least forgive Leander. It wasn’t the boy’s fault after all. He didn’t know about the prince’s secret relationship with his brother after all.


	13. Chapter 13

“Phai! I know you are there!” Alexander pounded the doors once again, trying to get some reaction out of Hephaistion. He knew that it was in the middle of the night but he couldn’t care less at this moment. He just wanted Phai to talk to him. “Please! Just give me five minutes! I won’t bother you after that!”, he pleaded. He probably woke up the whole palace with his yelling at this point but the guards were wisely keeping themselves away as far as possible from this place. “Phai! Please! I love you! You need to listen to me!” It was a miracle that he survived two whole days without Hephaistion but the misery he was feeling right now was making him feel so irritated that even his own mother stopped her efforts to talk to him. In the first day after the incident with Leander he got himself dead drunk and when he woke up next day, his dorms were completely demolished. It didn’t make him feel any better even though he ran out some of the bad energy. He felt like shit, his head felt twice its size and while he was sitting in the middle of the covers where once was his bed, he found something small packed in a soft, white material. Alexander almost immediately recognized the ring even if he had never seen it before. It was the gift Hephaistion told him about. It was simple but beautiful and it reminded him of Phai. The prince put the ring on his finger and almost cried over his own stupidity. That’s why he was here now. He wanted to tell Hephaistion that he couldn’t live without him but his friend didn’t even make a single sign that he was listening to him or that he was on the other side of these damned doors. 

Hephaistion hadn't left his rooms since he got back two days ago, that night that changed his life. He closed the door behind him, locking it so that nobody would bother him before he lay down on the bed – and just gave in to the pain that was tearing his heart apart. He cried all night long, hard sobs rocking his body while his fingers were buried in the sheets. His throat was sore from all the frustrated screams he released into his pillow.  
It was of no use. It was over. He had to give up on Alexander, otherwise he would ruin himself. Even more than he was already ruined.  
Hephaistion didn't even know if Leander was still in the palace, but he guessed so since his brother didn't come to say goodbye. And even after that misery, he wouldn't go without a word.  
He didn't even eat since he got here, only drank some sips of water he still had left in his room. He even was lying in the same position, his face hidden in the pillow, lying on his stomach.  
Even sleep was abandoning him, it just didn't want to come over him to release him at least for a bit. That's why he lay wide awake in his bed as he heard some pounding at the door.  
Seconds after that he recognized Alexander's voice, calling his name.  
Hephaistion closed his eyes in pain and sighed. To be honest, he hoped that Alexander would've just given up, but well – after all these years he should have known better.  
He got up in his bed, staring at the door with his red eyes, swollen from all the crying, before he finally made his way out of the bed and positioned himself behind the door. He took some deep breaths before opening his mouth, leaning his forehead against the cool surface.  
„What do you want?“, he asked, his voice all raspy from not using it for days.

“Hephaistion! Thank gods!” Alexander smiled a small, relieved smile. He was so happy to hear that his friend was alright because he knew that Hephaistion hadn’t left his dorms since that night. He was seriously afraid that his friend would do something harmful to himself because Phai was really tender under the armor of the fearless warrior he let everyone see. “I just want you to listen to me. I love you, Phai. I really do. I know that I fucked up but I can’t live without you. I know that you hate me. You have the full right to do that but I just want you to know that I love you. Only you. You’re my everything, Phai. And you’re more than enough for me”, he said truthfully and let go of a breath he didn’t even know he was holding. 

Shaking his head while getting angry little by little, the longer Alexander talked, he unlocked the door and opened in the tiniest bit. Peeping through the gap, he spoke with an untypical cold and emotionless voice. He needed to get over him, as soon as possible. And the best way to do so was to drive him further away from him, he tried to convince himself.  
„Alexander. I thought I said everything there was left to say. I don't hate you, didn't you listen to me? I am _in love with you_. And I want to change that. You already shattered my heart, many times, but this is the end. I can't keep on doing this to myself any longer. You had your fun with me, then you carried on to your next lover. It is how it is, I can't and won't change that.“  
He took a deep breath, feeling tempted to close the door again.  
„I just can't believe that it was Leander. You don't have any responsibility towards me but my _brother_ , Alexander? Please. And stop saying that I am enough, when I am clearly not. I even thought that you already moved on with another boy.“

“Phai… I don’t want to move on… with another boy”, he said, as those words felt like they were poisoning him. “I don’t want anyone else. It took me a lot of time to get here but now I know that I want only you”, he said quietly, looking into Hephaistion’s beautiful eyes, which were red from the crying. “You are the only one for me. No one else can make me this happy.” Some traitorous part of Alexander knew that it was a lost case but he didn’t want to live regretting that he didn’t try to get Hephaistion back. “You need to believe me. I know that I cause you a lot of pain but I never lied to you. And that morning when we were together we made love, Hephaistion. It wasn’t fucking for me. For the first time I made love, Phai. And I want to make love with you for the rest of my life.” 

„Alexander...“ Hephaistion sighed heavily and felt how the oppressed sobs wrecked him.  
„Don't you realize that this is exactly what I didn't want? You are making false promises you won't keep anyway, I already told you so. And don't try to convince yourself that you need me for your happiness. It's not me you need, it's someone to have sex with. When you found another one, and there are plenty of other people who can't wait to get laid by you, you will forget about me. You will see. They will be begging you to fuck them.“  
Breathing in, he knew that he had to pull the final card, even if it would make him feel even worse. But he had to do it.  
„After all, it showed me that I wasn't anything more than the prince's whore. I am sorry for not being useful for another thing than just for keeping you company in bed. And there are no words that could convince me otherwise. Your actions clearly have spoken for you.“  
Feeling a single tear running down his cheek, he closed the door with a final thud.

“You. Are. Not. A. Whore”, Alexander said, breathing in and out with fury in his eyes. How could even Hephaistion think of himself that way?! “ _I_ am the one with a problem but I want to change for you and even though you say that I won’t, I will show you that I can. I will show you that I am worthy of your love”, he said with certainty in his voice. He really wanted to change. He wanted Phai to be with him again because he was sick of meaningless sex. It was only making the void inside of his heart even bigger. “This one promise I am going to keep, no matter what, because I love you and I will fight for you.” Alexander looked into Phai’s eyes after he ripped the doors open again, looking for a sign of hate but the only things he found were sadness and grief. It made him mad but it also strengthened his decision to never disappoint Hephaistion again. 

After the blond had ripped the door open again, he stared furiously into Alexander's face. „You don't get it, do you?“, he hissed, grabbing the front of Alexander's clothes with both of his hands while he shoved him backwards against the wall, opposite of his room.  
„I don't want you to change or to prove your love to me, because it would be feigned! I just want you to leave me the fuck alone so I can get over you, you pretentious ass!“  
He shoved him harder against the wall before letting go of him, panting while tears stood in his eyes once again.  
„Why are you doing this to me? Do you enjoy hurting me? Does it give you pleasure, are you getting off on it? Why can't you just understand that there isn't a thing that's worth fighting for?!“

Alexander hissed when is back made connection with the cold wall but he said nothing about it. “ _You_ are worth fighting for, Hephaistion!” He also yelled, catching his friend’s wrists and bringing him closer. “I want to be with you. I want to make you smile every day. Why is it so hard for you to understand? I know that I am an asshole but I fucking need you even more than you need me!” He breathed deeply and kissed Phai hard on the mouth without thinking. “We can still make it. We can be together. You know it but you’re afraid of getting hurt again. I understand that but this time it’s different. Now I understand how much I love you and I will rather die than hurt you again.” 

Hephaistion's blood boiled when he felt Alexander's lips on his own. How could he do this to him? After all that happened? His heart was beating like a mad rabbit as he tore his arms out of the prince's grip.  
„You are trying to seduce me again? By kissing me? Do you want to get me in your bed once again just to shut me up? Is this your definition of _love_?“  
He stared at him, disbelief painting his features, while he took a step back, slightly shaking his head.  
„You can't be serious. This is all about you. You don't even care about how I feel. The only word I hear from you is _I_. You only care about yourself. You want to keep me warm for you, huh? As soon as Leander will leave, you'll come back to me and fuck me once again. Oh, wait, I'm sorry. What did you call it earlier? You _made love_ to me? Fuck this, Alexander. You don't want to hurt me? Congratulations, you just fucking did.“

„I don’t fucking want to just fuck you! I want to be with you! I don’t want to shut you up and I want our relationship to be about us, not only me like it used to be. And don’t come up with Leander! He doesn’t mean anything to me, you know this. This was just a mistake which he regrets as much as I do.” Alexander closed his eyes for a moment, trying to calm himself down. “Phai… just tell me what I should do to gain back your trust and I will do it. I will do everything for you”, he said in a soft voice, observing his friend. Alexander wanted to hold him so badly in his arms but he was afraid to make him even more angry. Actually he never saw Hephaistion so furious and broken before and it was making him want to punch something. Preferably himself. 

Hephaistion gave up. Either, Alexander couldn't understand him or he simply didn't want to. Maybe it was too much for his sex clouded mind.  
„No“, was everything he said and after staring into his counterpart's face for a few seconds, Hephaistion turned around and walked back into his room. Bringing up Leander was a mistake, he knew it since his heart clenched painfully in his chest at the thought of his brother. But he couldn't do this any longer.  
As he reached his bed, he lay down on it, slipping his arms underneath one pillow and resting his head on top on it, not facing the door. He didn't even make an effort to close the door behind him, Alexander would come in when he wanted to anyways.  
„Do as you like.“, he said, sniffling, before closing his eyes.  
„Use me, leave me – it's up to you. It's useless to talk to you.“

Alexander sighed heavily, knowing that he already lost. Probably for the first time in his life. “Good night, Hephaistion”, he said softly after a few moments of heavy silence. There was clearly no use to try to convince Phai any further. They both needed time to think it over so Alexander walked out of the room and gently closed the door after him. He did it really slowly, despite everything hoping that Phai would change his mind but nothing like his happened. So it was truly a lost case. He didn’t even feel bad, just empty like his heart was ripped out of his chest. He hated that feeling but there was nothing he could do about it. Only Hephaistion could make him feel better but there was no use in thinking that Phai would even consider forgiving Alexander.

# ~*~

Hephaistion didn't know how long he actually stayed inside of his rooms, after he quickly got out of bed and locked the door behind Alexander again, not wanting anyone to come and disturb him.  
He sunk down to the floor, his back against the door, pulling his knees to his chest and resting his head against them, sighing deeply.  
It was over. Alexander finally gave up. It hurt like hell, but they were better off without each other, that's what he tried to convince himself of.  
After that, he crawled back into bed, completely losing track of time as the sun got up and went down again...  
He thought about his life. What was he supposed to do now? How should he continue living, seeing his prince everyday? He couldn't do this any longer, and he definitely couldn't act as if nothing happened.  
When he heard a faint knocking at the door, after some days for sure, he cleared his throat and shouted a weak „What?“ in its direction. The response came almost immediately.  
It was the errand boy who brought him Leander's letter days ago. Leander. Maybe he was leaving?  
„Hephaistion, please open the door, I have to tell you something.“  
Furrowing his brows, he weakly got out of bed, his legs shaking since he didn't eat for days now, and opened the door. The boy looked shyly at him, a plate with food in his hands.  
„This... is for you. Your brother sends me to make sure that you eat something, before you prepare for the feast later. He also wants to say goodbye to you before it.“  
He paused and looked at Hephaistion with pleading eyes. The latter's heart nearly melted from all the concern lying in them, so he slowly reached for the plate even though he really didn't feel like eating. At all.  
„Please, Hephaistion. Eat it.“

Alexander was discreetly looking around, only halfheartedly listening to what his father was saying. He was much more worried about Hephaistion’s condition than Philip’s threats. The errand boy told him that Phai refused to eat or take care of himself and it was making Alexander even more worried because Phai was always strong and now he could barely move. And the worst thing was that the prince didn’t know what to do. It was obvious that if Phai would see him, it would only make everything worse, so instead he was sending errand boys to him to at least convince him to eat something. “I’m not going with you?”, he asked, taken aback by his father’s words. But it was clear that Philip didn’t want him there and he made it more than clear. Of course the king would want to drown in glory alone but it still made Alexander feel slightly bitter. So he just stood in front of the entry to the arena and watched as his father made his way to show himself to the gathered crowd. Alexander didn’t actually remember how everything happened. In one second he saw Pausanias pulling his sword from its scabbard and in the next second said sword was in his father’s body. He screamed something but he wasn’t sure what and ran towards his father, who was falling so slowly in Alexander’s eyes. “Father!” He looked at Philip’s bloody body with terror in his eyes. His brain was having a hard time to register that his father was dead. How was that even possible? Alexander turned around with fury in his eyes, wanting to punish Pausanias for what he had done but the man was already raising his sword to kill Alexander as well, but before the prince could do something, the sweet, familiar smell of lavender surrounded him and he could only guess that his friend took the blow that was destined for him. “Hephaistion!”, he screamed, catching his friend’s body. “Phai…”, he said with pain in his voice as he saw a big wound stretching itself through Hephaistion’s torso. 

Hephaistion couldn't breathe, when he understood the scene that was playing in front of his eyes. Philip suddenly fell to the ground, blood gushing out of both his stomach and mouth. Out of nowhere, Alexander appeared next to him, kneeling down and taking his father's face in his hands, screaming something Hephaistion couldn't understand.  
All of his limbs were numb as he saw that Philip's murderer, who originally planned to run away, turned around again. His eyes went from Philip, then to Alexander. Then he started to lift his sword.  
That's what made Hephaistion's insides snap as he jumped off his place next to Olympias who stood up herself, calling her son's name.  
Someone shouted his own name, but he didn't care. The same moment Pausanias struck with his sword, Hephaistion slithered in between the two men, shielding Alexander with his own body.  
He faced Alexander, looking at him in horror for one second, before he felt an overwhelming pain in his side, as the sword was cutting a big gash through his body.  
His vision went black for seconds as he stumbled, touching his side with one of his hands. He could hear screams, all hell was breaking loose.  
But it was okay. Alexander was safe.  
Hephaistion knew it had to be over when he felt hot liquid welling up his throat, only seconds later he caughed up blood. Then he collapsed right in front of Alexander.  
„It's okay“, he coughed, looking into Alexander's face who caught him before his sliced up body could hit the ground. „You are okay.“  
Weakly, he lifted his bloody hand and touched Alexander's cheek for a moment, before it felt limply down.  
„You are oka...“ He couldn't finish his sentence, before he blacked out, waiting for the darkness to embrace him.

“Phai! Phai! No, no! No!” Alexander screamed, holding Hephaistion’s limp body. He couldn’t lose him. He wouldn’t be able to live without him. “No, _Phai_. Stay with me, please”, he said, barely seeing anything with the tears filling up his eyes. “I’m not okay. Not without you”, he whispered and kissed gently Hephaistion’s forehead. “Someone help him!” Alexander lifted Hephaistion up in his arms and heard that someone told him to follow the healer to the palace so he just did that, watching as life was flowing from Hephaistion with every drop of blood. He was never so scared and helpless in his life. How could he allow something like this to happen?  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys :)
> 
> We just wanted to steal your attention for a second to announce that we will upload another rpg of ours, a modern AU - of course about our most precious idiots as well.
> 
> The updates will be on thursdays and mondays, starting this thursday.
> 
> We will add the link here in this note when the work will be uploaded, and we would be really happy if you would join us there as well.
> 
> Thank you for staying so far and maybe we will be able to catch your attention with our AU as well. :)
> 
> Edit: Here is the link. :) We uploaded the first chapter already, but from thursday on, we will upload regularly.
> 
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/3242216/chapters/7064303


	14. Chapter 14

“You should get some rest, my son.” Olympias caressed her son’s hair gently and placed a soft kiss on his forehead. “You haven’t slept for three days. It’s unhealthy.”   
“I don’t care”, Alexander said in an empty voice, squeezing delicately Hephaistion’s hand. “I’m fine.” Olympias sighed and looked at her son who was now looking like a shadow of his old self. “He will wake up eventually. The healer said that the worst is behind him”, she said softly. The queen didn’t want Alexander to get mad again like when they tried to separate him from Hephaistion when they first arrived to the palace after Philip’s murder. Alexander demolished two and a half rooms before he finally ran out of energy but he only calmed down when he was finally allowed to see Hephaistion again. Since then, he practically haven’t moved away from the boy’s bed and he was taking care of him. He only let the healer near Hephaistion. No one else was allowed to even touch his precious friend.   
“You are the king now, Alexander. You have responsi…”   
“Get out!”, he screamed with fury in his eyes. “Get out and don’t come back until I say so!” Olympias looked at Alexander with disbelief in her eyes but straightened her back and put on her pokerface. “Fine”, she said in a cold voice. “But don’t you dare to forget that I am your mother and the queen”, she added but Alexander didn’t listen to her because Hephaistion started to groan once again in his sleep so he needed to take care of him. 

Darkness was surrounding him, complete and utter darkness. No matter how often he opened his eyes, all remained the same, painted in a deep shade of black, not allowing him to see a single thing. He thought that someone was calling his name, but the voice was far, far away, so he didn't think about it since it had to be in his imagination. He sat down, in the middle of nowhere and stared in front of him, forcing himself to keep his eyes open and not to shut them. He had to keep himself awake.  
But he was tired, so tired...  
 _Phai_  
There it was again, the tender voice, calling out for him, causing a warm feeling to build in his stomach. He knew that voice. Whose was it? It had to be someone's who was very important to him...   
_Phai_  
The darkness around him suddenly brightened up, he could see a faint light in the distance. Scrambling to his feet, he tried to ran towards it, but no matter how fast he was moving, he couldn't get any closer.  
But in the moment he wanted to give up, the light suddenly bursted and he snapped awake, his back arching from the bed he was lying in. His breath came in short, ragged jerks and he looked around in panic, suddenly very aware of the pain his whole body was in.   
Hephaistion tried to calm his breath but it was of no use, he was in panic. Where was he? What happened?  
He wanted to sit up, but his body didn't allow him to do so, but he startled when he felt a warm hand around his own.  
Slowly turning his head in this direction, he gasped when he saw Alexander sitting beside him, not letting go of his hand.  
His grip somehow gave him the feeling that everything could be alright again.

“Phai!” Alexander for a few second didn’t even move because it was too surreal to be real but Hephaistion really did wake up. “Don’t move, Phai”, he said, quickly but gently pushing him back onto the bed. “Your wound is still fresh and we don’t want it to reopen, do we?”   
Alexander smiled happily and kissed the boy’s forehead. “How do you feel? Do you need something?” The young king didn’t even try to hide his happiness. He actually wanted to scream and tell everyone that Hephaistion finally woke up but first he needed to take care of him and make sure that he was comfortable.   
“Are you in pain? Should I send for the healer?” It was clear that Phai was still not fully conscious but at least he woke up and it was a good sign. “You fool. I thought that I lost you”, he said in a soft voice, stroking Hephaistion’s forehead with a wet cloth. “You almost died and what would I do without you?”, Alexander sighed, feeling so incredible relieved. If Phai would have died then Alexander probably would have followed him to hell because Hephaistion was the only love of his life and he was nothing without his beloved friend. 

Hephaistion couldn't do anything else than stare at his friend for the first seconds. He looked wretched, dark circles lying beneath his eyes while the latter had lost their brightness. Alexander simply looked worn out. But why? Was it because of him? And what was wrong with his body... wait. Suddenly images were flashing his mind and he had to close his eyes and grunt in pain as his head started to hurt terribly.  
Slowly, he lifted his free hand and touched his forehead, slightly rubbing it. He could remember Philip going down... and then there was a sword, and Alexander in danger... but then there was nothing. Only pain.  
He let his gaze slip back to Alexander and looked at him, worried. Was he hurt? Was he alright? Hephaistion's heart clenched at the thought of him being harmed.  
Weakly he shook his head at all the questions Alexander was asking him, he couldn't even apprehend every single one of them.  
He squeezed his hand and tried to smile, but he wasn't sure it actually worked because the pain came back, and it felt like his body was burning.  
„Water“, he rasped out, clearing his throat, but it only made it worse. „... would be... nice.“

Alexander nodded and quickly poured water to the cup which was standing on the bedside table and helped Hephaition to drink it. “Slowly, Phai. You still can’t move or eat too much but I have some fruits prepared for you”, he said in a soft voice, supporting his head.   
“But the healer said that the cut wasn’t very deep and that you are healing quickly so you will be probably out of the bed in a few days.” Alexander smiled even though he was tired as hell and tucked Hephaistion back under the blanket. “But you also lost a lot of blood so you can’t walk by yourself for now”, the king sighed and looked at his friend. Hephaistion was pale as a wall and his eyes were fogged but he didn’t look as sick as when Alexander brought him back to the palace. Also the fever decreased which was a relief because it had been the main problem for the past few days. 

Grateful, Hephaistion drank a bit of the water and felt immediately relieved, the cold wet soothing his sore throat. He coughed and lay back down in the pillows, blinking sleepy around the room.  
„How long...?“, he asked, curious how many days he actually passed out, but he couldn't finish his question because he simply was way too tired to talk.  
Alexander's words made him shut his mouth anyways.  
 _You can't walk by yourself now_  
He closed his eyes and sent a prayer to the gods. He couldn't walk by himself. Not being able to walk always has been his worst fear. Being a cripple. It was his sense of life to be a general, to fight by Alexander's side if the time would come.  
Hope was all he had left, hope that he would be able to walk again. He didn't even know where exactly the so called cut was, his whole right side burned like fire.  
Looking at Alexander again, he gently rubbed his thumb over the back of his hand, slightly tugging at it.  
„You look tired...“, he whisperd, concern filling his voice. He didn't want to make him sit by his side all this time. He felt like shit, at least some days had passed, he was sure of it.  
„Did you at least sleep...?“  
A warm feeling started to fill his chest at the thought that he stayed by his side, not leaving him while he was asleep. But the coldness came back soon when he thought of Leander. He wasn't sure if his brother already left at the time the drama happened.  
The farewell had been horrible. It was formal and forced and they barely hugged. But Hephaistion had to promise him to come back home as soon as he had some spare time, he made sure the boy would keep his promise. Since he wouldn't come back to the palace again in the nearest future...  
„Alexander...“, Hephaistion whispered, swallowing down the tears that were building in his eyes all of a sudden. He didn't know why he felt like crying, but he somehow felt relieved.  
Maybe for finally being useful by saving Alexander's life.

“Shush, baby. It’s been only two days.” Alexander patted gently his head and smiled a little. He was glad that Hephaistion wasn’t in pain. He suffered enough already. “And don’t you worry about me. I needed to stay by your side. No one here is allowed to touch you. They’re not worth it. And I needed to be sure that you have the best care.” He kissed the back of Hephaistion's hand and looked him in the eyes.   
“Do you want to take a bath, Phai? I couldn’t bath you properly when the wound was still fresh but I think it’s safe now”, he murmured and pulled off the covers to see the wound on Hephaistion’s torso. “It doesn’t bleed anymore...” Alexander gently touched the clean bandages and smiled happily to Phai. “It was pretty bad so don’t do anything like that anymore. I can’t lose you, Phai. I’m serious. I’m going to follow you to the deepest parts of hell if you will die. Do you understand me?”, he asked with a seriousness in his voice. 

Hephaistion was immediately cold when Alexander pulled the covers off of his body. The cool air made him shiver and gave him goose bumps, and he furrowed his eyebrows unhappy. „I can't move...“, he reminded him of the fact that his body was still weak and that wouldn't change in the next few days. And he really didn't want to rely so much on the prince -   
„Oh my god, Alexander... what happened to your father, is he -“  
He sat up in shock, his hand grabbing Alexander's hand tightly. Slightly pulling at it, he made Alexander to sit on his bed besides him.  
Even though it hurt a bit, but he really didn't care, he straightened his back and put his other hand in Alexander's neck, pulling him closer to him so that his head could rest on his shoulder.  
„I am so sorry I wasn't there for you, Alexander, you needed someone to be there for you... and here I am, making you worry even more. I am so sorry.“  
He embraced Alexander and held him close to him.  
„Don't care that much about me, Alexander, I am going to be finde, but what about you? You were all alone...“ Hephaistion closed his eyes shut and sniffed. 

“It’s okay, Phai.” Alexander closed his eyes for a moment and let Hephaistion take care of him for a few short seconds. He actually wasn’t mourning a lot over his father because he was too busy worrying about Hephaistion’s well being. Besides, he didn’t even know his father very well but Hephaistion was his whole world so it was kind of natural to care more about Phai.   
“You need to lie still”, Alexander said after a few long minutes. He didn’t want to let go of his friend but he needed to. “I will go now and prepare a bath”, he said with a tired smile on his face. “We need to wash you. You’re still covered in old blood.” Alexander stood up and covered Hephaistion with warm covers. “Be good and lie still. It’s very important so promise me that you won’t move anywhere while I will be preparing the bath.” 

„Nothing is okay...“, he muttered under his breath before he frustrated lay down again, feeling how Alexander covered him again. A relieved sigh escaped his lips at the warmth and he closed his eyes. How was he supposed to take a bath when his wound was still kind of fresh? He had no clue how Alexander imagined taking care of this, especially all by himself, when he was tired as hell. Hephaistion could see it, since it was clearly written on the other's face.  
„Alexander, you need to rest“, he said as he got out of the room, but Alexander didn't seem to hear him or he simply didn't want to.  
Gritting his teeth together, he moved his legs over the edge of the bed until he felt cold ground underneath his feet. He carefully touched the bandages, poking at it only to test if touching it was going to hurt – and hell yes, it was. He hissed, immediately letting of the wound and stared in the direction where Alexander disappeared. And he waited, the cripple he was.  
Because he didn't dare to stand up.  
He didn't know whether it was the fear of his body collapsing or Alexander's angry face when he saw him disobeying.

“Hephaistion!” Alexander growled angrily when he saw that his friend was sitting instead of lying down as he ordered him. “Didn’t I tell you that I will help you?” The king sighed and kissed Phai’s forehead, trying to say sorry for the yelling.   
“Give yourself time. If you will push yourself then it will only take you longer to recover”, he said in a much softer voice and started to undress his friend. “I know it frustrates you that you can walk by yourself now but I’m here, Phai. I will help you. Always.”   
Alexander smiled and carefully took Hephaistion on his arms, completely comfortable with the fact that his friend was naked now except for the bandages. “At least I hope that you learned your lesson to never do such a thing again”, he said with a smile and walked to the bathroom. “Are you ready?” Alexander made his way down the stairs that were leading to a small pool full of hot water and waited patiently for Hephaistion’s answer. 

Hephaistion sulked a bit, when Alexander started to undress him. It kind of felt awkward and he wasn't very comfortable about it, but what could he do? He was defenseless and weak. He literally needed Alexander to help him so he had to get used to it.  
He had sworn to himself that he wouldn't rely on the other so much anymore, that he needed some distance between them but well, these were other circumstances. And he could still finish everyhing when he could move by himself again, in the future.  
Until then, he had to keep an eye on Alexander.  
„Yeah“, he nodded after a short silence in which he sorted his thoughts, before nodding a second time. „Let's do it.“  
At first, Hephaistion thought that the water wouldn't do him good, but he was wrong. His muscles relaxed and he felt better in an instant, even a bit dizzy because of the heat.  
But it was okay and he was feeling disgusted with himself anyways.   
„But... be careful...“, he said, looking into Alexander's eyes and letting go of his neck which he clung onto.

“I will be careful, Phai. Don’t be afraid.” Alexander smiled and sat down, still holding Hephaistion in his arms. He rested Phai’s head on his shoulder and started to wash his body with a silky cloth. It was visible that the older boy wasn’t very comfortable with this situation but it was the best option. He would be probably more angry if some servant was on Alexander’s place now or at least that was what the young prince kept telling himself. Either way, he wasn’t going to back off now.   
“Just tell me what is okay. I don’t want to hurt you”, he said in a soft voice, carefully washing the scar on Hephaistion’s side. “But… if you don’t want me to do this I can call for a servant”, Alexander said, even though it was visible that he himself wouldn’t be okay at all if someone else would take care of his Phai. The young king just didn’t trust anyone enough to let them take care of his beloved friend. 

„The warmth is doing me good“, Hephaistion softly murmured and gave in to Alexander's contact, whose carefully touching hands washed his body. It hurt, but the boy grit his teeth together and closed his eyes, leaning his head back against Alexander's shoulder.  
„Calling for a servant?“, he asked, his fingers trailing lazily patterns in the water, before took the cloth out of Alexander's hand and started to wash himself, pouring the hot water over his neck and rubbing the cloth over his firm chest.  
„If you are okay with that... that someone could see me like that, go on.“  
He smiled a bit, washing his arms, before carefully touching his wound. It looked ugly and would definitely leave an even uglier scar.  
Hephaistion was distorted now, until the end of his life. It was huge, breaking his skin in a barbarous way. Sighing, he dropped the cloth and cupped some water in his hollowed hands, splashing it into his face as if to hide the tears that started to build in his eyes again.  
He lost a great amount of his beauty.  
 _But at least it was worth it_ , he thought by himself, feeling the heat of Alexander's body behind him against his back.  
It definitely was.

Alexander growled low in his chest at the thought that someone else would see Hephaistion like this. None of the servants were worth it to be honored like this.   
“No. I will take care of you”, he said through gritted teeth, tightening his hold on the other boy. Just the thought of Hephaistion in someone else's arms was making his blood boil. He didn’t have any idea that he was so possessive but Phai was _his_. Now he finally understood how much Hephaistion meant to him. And it was so pathetic that he had to nearly lose him to realize that but at least this time he would do everything to protect his beloved friend.   
“Let me at least help you to wash your hair, Phai”, he said when his friend took the wash cloth from him. “You don’t need to do everything alone. And it’s not a shame that you need help” Alexander smiled softly and kissed Hephaistion’s forehead. He looked then in his eyes and sight heavily, reading his friend’s thoughts like an open book. “Are you concerned about the wound? It doesn’t look that bad”, he murmured, petting gently Hephaistion’s thigh. 

At Alexander's growling, Hephaistion knew that he achieved his planned aim. He got jealous, and who knew, maybe he could use the king's behavior for his own benefits someday. Maybe he finally got in his thick head what he really meant to him.  
„I'm glad then. But I will need to take time, it still hurts and I can't move my body the way I would want to.“  
He put his head back and felt soon after, how Alexander poured water over his head, adding some kind of good smelling cleaning agents on his hair, gently starting to rub it into his skin. Closing his eyes, he felt a sweet sigh escaping his lips as he relaxed at Alexander's words.  
„I am concerned. But I am not a little child you can tell some tales to. I am aware of how the wound looks on my skin. It will never be as smooth and beautiful as before.“  
He made Alexander wash the oil out of his hair, before he reached for his hand and kissed the back of it.  
„And now I need you to go to sleep, my Alexander. I will call Nevena to patch me up again.“

“You are still beautiful, Hephaistion. And you are even more beautiful with every passing day”, Alexander said softly, getting up and carefully carrying his friend out of the water.   
“I love everything about you. Even that wound.” He smiled and lied him gently on the bed. “Don’t worry about me. I’m fine.” Alexander grabbed some soft looking towels and started to dry his friend with them. “I will just call for the healer”, he murmured, taking extra care over Hephaistion’s wound. “Or Nevena if you want.”   
Alexander wasn’t very fond of that girl. Well, he didn’t know her but he was jealous of the bond she shared with Hephaistion because he knew that with important things Phai was always going to her, not him. It was frustrating that Hephaistion didn’t trust him as much as he trusted some girl. 

Hephaistion bit down on his lips and didn't say a word. How could Alexander say something like that? He was literally scarred for life now and there was no use to deny that. His body wasn't beautiful anymore, not with such a huge scar. Sure, he suffered from many injuries over the years, most of them happened during the training, but they weren't like this one. They weren't this... severe.  
Shaking his head to get out of his thoughts, he grabbed Alexander's arm in a tight grip, his fingers clutching firmly against his flesh.  
„Alexander, I am serious. I will ban you from taking care of me if you won't rest. Don't play the I-am-strong-card here, I won't buy it.“  
Steady looking into the brown eyes in front of him, he released Alexander out of his grip and lay back down on the bed, still facing him.  
„Call for Nevena. I don't want other people around me.“  
Nevena was his friend, she wouldn't make fun of him or pass anything on that happened here in this room. She would keep quiet and who knew if one of the sent healers wouldn't be sent by Cassander or one of the other nasty generals.

The prince just sighed and rolled his eyes. Hephaistion could be such a stubborn child sometimes. Alexander glared half heartily at his friend and sent a servant boy for Nevena.   
“Fine”, he said after he came back into Hephaistion’s dorms. He started to dress his friend to protect his modesty from curious eyes. Besides, he wasn’t sure about Nevena's and Hephaistion's relationship so he just wanted everything to be strictly business like.   
“But I will sleep here. Just in case”, he smiled victoriously and started to undress himself of his wet pants. “I will take the couch. If you will need something just call for me, okay?” The young king smiled, completely unaffected that he stood there in his naked glory in front of his friend.   
“You need to promise me this”, he said with seriousness in his voice. “Because I know you’re a stubborn brat and you won’t take any help until you won’t be able to move anymore.” 

„I saw that, you know?“, Hephaistion hissed playfully at Alexander's eye rolling, shook his head and ran his fingers through his damp hair, trying to arrange it before Nevena's arrival. He already looked horrible enough, no need to accentuate it a bit more with huddled hair. Hopefully, she wouldn't be too shocked seeing him like that, but the boy could bet that she was already dying from fear over him.  
Slightly feeling uncomfortable, he looked away as Alexander presented himself in front of him, slowly breathing to calm the blush down before it could spread itself on Hephaistion's cheeks.  
„I don't care where you sleep as long as you do it. Don't you think you can fool me, I'll come and check on you, trust me.“  
He cleared his throat, finally looking at Alexander and pointed to a cover, lying neatly folded at the edge of the bed. „Take it with you, I don't want and need you to catch a cold. And don't worry, I won't need your help... Nevena will take good care of me.“  
Shooting a last smile towards Alexander, Hephaistion made himself comfortable in the bed, yawned and snuggled his head into the pillow, thoughtfully not moving too much.

“I will just take a nap.” Alexander yawned and put on some cotton pants. “I want you to call for me whenever you will need it, Phai”, he said and sat down on the edge of the bed and took Hephaistion’s hand into his.   
“I want you to trust me on this”, he said softly and kissed his hand. He knew that being so helpless was hurting his friend’s pride but his disability wasn’t a weakness in Alexander’s eyes. In the end, Hephaistion saved his life and he was very grateful for that. The king smirked when he saw a light blush on Hephaistion cheeks. It looked good on him, adding some colors to his still pale face. And it was good to know that he was attractive to Phai even if the other boy was trying not to show it.   
“I know that Nevena will take good care of you but it’s my role...” Alexander tucked Hephaistion under the warm covers and kissed him gently on the lips.   
“I will be right here so don’t worry about anything.” With those words, he stood up, picked a cover and went to the couch that was standing only a few meters away from Hephaistion’s bed.


	15. Chapter 15

Nevena didn't stay long because according to her, Hephaistion had to rest. He tried to assure her that he had had enough sleep the last few days, but she didn't want to hear a thing about that. She came in about half an hour after Alexander sent the boy away and looked at him and her eyes immediately filled with love and relief.  
Hephaistion let her do her work without saying a word, he just observed her calm face, relief still clearly readable in her eyes, her hands and how they put some unction on his wound before wrapping him in clean bandages again.   
Hephaistion kissed her on the cheek and thanked her wholeheartedly just because it was such a relief for him that she was there for him, after all. Just as he wanted to tell her that, she put a finger to his lips and kissed him softly on his mouth, shaking her head and telling him to go to sleep. She would come again in the evening and check on him.  
With those words, she smiled at him and left the room, closing the door behind her back without making a single noise.  
Hephaistion relaxed, the unction did its work and cooled his wound, literally soothed it. But the boy couldn't sleep, he was wide awake.  
He glanced over to the couch where Alexander was lying on his back, fast asleep. At least he got some rest, Hephaistion saw the tiredness in his eyes and he couldn't stand it. Especially when he was the one who caused his restlessness.  
Slowly and trying not to make any noises, he sat up in bed and swung his legs out from under the warm covers, before he tested if his legs could carry his weight. They could.  
So he stood up and slowly made his way to the couch, sitting down besides Alexander. He looked at his pretty face, so peaceful and carefree in the sleep. He looked so young, almost like the child Hephaistion met years ago, when he hadn't any burden on his shoulders.  
But now he had, now he was the king.  
Now he had a huge responsibilty and Hephaistion felt like a liability to him. He had to take care of his people now, Philip was no longer here to be the one to take care of everything.  
Hephaistion tenderly kissed his forehead before he slowly got up again. He definitely needed something to drink. And he didn't think of water.

Alexander lied awake almost all the time since Nevena came into the dorms. He needed to sleep and he was drifting off to Morpheus’ embrace but something kept him awake. But he didn’t let it show that he wasn’t sleeping at all. Through his almost closed eyelids he was observing as Nevena was taking care of Hephaistion and he couldn’t deny that she was good at this. All her moves were smooth and gentle and it was visible how much she cared about Hephaistion. Alexander knew it was pathetic but he couldn’t help that he felt so jealous. Hephaistion would never allow the prince to touch him like this and to trust him with his weakness. Nevena didn’t even ask for permission. She was just touching him so freely and Phai seemed to be perfectly fine with this. The prince knew that he wasn’t worth Hephaistion’s trust but the boy could at least have told him that he was in pain. It really hurt to know that for Hephaistion he was more a king than a friend. He tried to be cool about this but when he saw that Nevana kissed his Phai, he felt the need to rip something apart. How could Hephaistion let her do that? Or maybe they were having sex all this time right under Alexander’s nose? He should have known.   
Hephaistion was truly beautiful so he for sure had a lot of admirers. Alexander wanted to kill them all. Finally, the girl left the dorms and Alexander was glad that he stayed inside. At least he knew the situation now. He mentally rolled his eyes when he saw that Hephaistion was trying to stand up but he remained lying still just to see what he was up to. After a few long moments he felt soft, full lips on his and he wanted so badly just to grab the boy and make him his again but Hephaistion didn’t intend to stay. Alexander opened his eyes again and looked after Hephaistion who was now getting out of the room. Curious and also worried, the prince slowly stood up and quietly followed his friend. He wanted to see if Hephaistion would meet someone else when he thought that Alexander was asleep. At least he would know who to kill first for touching his Phai. 

It took him forever to finally reach the hall where they normally ate. At this time, no one was here, only a few servants were cleaning the tables after dinner and sweeped the floor.   
Hephaistion looked around, actually relieved that he didn't account for any familiar faces. Sighing, he made his way to the back of the hall and sat down on some cushions in the corner, carefully because he didn't want to rip his wound open again.  
Almost in an instant, a boy came to him and asked him for his needs. That face was somehow familiar though...  
„Could you please bring me a cup of wine? Undilated.“  
The boy nodded and hurried away, clearly knowing who was sitting in front of him. As he rushed to a room at the back, Hephaistion nearly clapped his hands.  
Now he knew where the face came from in his memories.  
Straightening his back, Hephaistion waited for the boy to come back with the desperate need to drink. His throat was dry and his head way too clear to endure the pain that was radiating from his side.  
„Your wine, Hephaistion.“  
The latter looked up from his bandage which he just had checked and smiled at the boy, taking the cup out of his hands and mentioned to the cushion next to him with the other.  
„Goran, it's a pleasure to see you again“, he said, still smiling. He remembered that boy. It had been Alexander's birthday when they first met and even though they didn't talk for a long time – before Alexander sent the boy awake – he enjoyed his company.  
„Sit down and keep me company.“  
Goran immediately blushed and nodded, sitting next to him while he stared openly at Hephaistion.  
„You... you remember me, Hephaistion?“  
It was clear that the boy was still making eyes at him, but Hephaistion didn't react to that. He just wanted to talk to him, maybe befriend him. It wasn't bad to have some contacts within the group of servants and after all those years in isolation he finally had to make some friends.  
Especially if he really wanted to pervade his plans...  
„Of course I do, I remember the nice talk we had at the king's birthday feast. How have you been?“  
Hephaistion talked loosened to him and enjoyed it. It was a nice distraction from the pain.  
And from Alexander.   
Sipping at his wine, he looked at Goran and was paying attention to what he was saying, as it almost made him forget about his hurting body.

Alexander followed Hephaistion to the dining hall, somehow relieved that Phai wasn’t meeting anyone, he just wanted something to drink or eat. But Alexander still felt a little betrayed that Hephaistion just didn’t wake him up. It was unbelievable how stupid and stubborn Phai could be sometimes. The prince hid himself is some dark corner of the hall. The few candles were only lightening up the center of the dining hall and the servant boys were too busy with the cleaning to spot Alexander. He was glad for this because now he could observe Hephaistion without being caught. He didn’t like what he saw.  
When that cute, servant boy brought Hephaistion wine, Alexander recalled his face and even though he was drunk back then, he knew that this was the boy that Phai took interest in. And obviously, Hephaistion never lost that interest toward the boy whose name Alexander couldn’t remember. So after all Hephaistion words were true. He didn’t want Alexander anymore and the prince knew that he should just let him find his happiness but it wasn’t in his nature to give up. Especially when he wanted Hephaistion all for himself – as his lover, but also as his partner.   
But now he was just observing silently, even though he wanted to kill the boy for flirting with Hephaistion. It was such a pain to stand there and do nothing but Alexander knew that one wrong move, and Hephaistion would hate him for the rest of his life. It made his blood boil in his veins but he needed to be patient to see what intentions Hephaistion had towards the boy. 

Goran was sixteen years old, had five brothers who were serving higher ranked underlings in the palace and he dreamed about getting out of here and seeing the world.   
While he talked, he ran his fingers through his hair and blinked at Hephaistion with flushed cheeks.  
Hephaistion smiled through his whole speech and nodded here and there.  
It was incredible what plans the boy next to him had and he himself was kind of jealous. He never thought of leaving the palace, simply because of Alexander. He never could imagine a life without him by his side. But now that he was listening to Goran, he felt a slight pain in his chest, some kind of aching.  
Was it wanderlust? He had no clue.  
„Would you like to travel somewhere? I am sure I could talk to the king... who knows, maybe we can find a way to send you on... well, let's call it vacations?“  
He smiled when he saw how Goran's face immediately lit up. The boy even scrambled to his knees, leaning forward to hug Hephaistion with all he got.  
„Are you serious? I would love to go!“  
Hephaistion laughed, but when Goran hit him in the side with his knee by accident, he hissed and clutched his side. Fuck. That really hurt.  
Goran noticed the change in Hephaistion's posture and let go of him, an apologetic look on his face.  
„Oh my god, I am so sorry, Hephaistion! I didn't mean to, I -“  
„It's okay“, Hephaistion interrupted him and caught his hands that were trying to see if he had done any damage. „Nothing happened, it's just a scratch you hit.“  
He smiled at him and took a deep gulp of his wine, needing it to numb the pain. Hopefully he wasn't bleeding, but gladfully it didn't felt like it.  
„Where would you want to go first?“, he asked, as if to change the topic again and to distract him.

If Alexander was mad before then now he was furious. How could some servant even think about touching Hephaistion and even worse, actually doing it!   
“I asked you for one thing, Hephaistion”, he said in a cold voice, coming out of the shadow. “To lie still and let yourself heal.” He hid the look of betrayal in his eyes under the mask of anger. He would never show any weakness in front of the servants. “And here I find you, getting all cozy with a servant boy”, he said in a mocking tone, coming closer to them. Goran was visibly trying to curl into himself even though he already looked so small compared to Alexander who gained a lot of bulk in the past year.   
“You could have just told me that you want to have some…fun”, he spit out the last word like venom that was burning his tongue. “I would have left left.”   
Alexander glared at the poor boy who wasn’t getting the idea that he should run the hell out of the king’s sight. It would be so easy to kill him now. He was no match for him but Alexander couldn’t do it. He wasn’t so cruel even though he thought that he should show everyone that Hephaistion was his. And only his.

Hephaistion flinched in the slightest way when he heard Alexander's angry voice. Turning his head, he saw how the king approached them, his eyes fixed on Goran. A bad feeling made his stomach cringe and he got up on his knees and shielded the boy with his body.  
„Alexander“, he said with a sweet voice and stood up, slowly, clutching his side. It was pretty exhausting to move like that, but he wasn't allowed to show any kind of weakness, not even in the slightest way.  
At Alexander's next words, his features darkened and he did an angry step towards his friend.  
„I wasn't getting _cozy_ with him. What got into you, Alexander? We were only talking. I haven't seen him in quite some time. And besides that, you know that I can't lie still for too long.“  
He reached for Alexander and touched his arm, but he let go of him as if Alexander slapped him.   
„Are you serious right now?“, he asked, determined to not let his voice shake.  
„I am not allowed to talk to someone because I could have _fun_ doing so?“

“Don’t lie to me, Hephaistion. You would never let anyone touch you so freely. Even me”, he hissed quietly, not wanting the servants to hear his words. There was enough gossiping going around the palace. Besides, he knew that his façade was falling and Hephaistion would soon notice what was motivating him to act like this. “And I know that you are interested in him in a more intimate way.” Alexander didn’t even care now that he sounded like a jealous lover, but damn right that he was jealous – because what did that boy have that he didn’t?   
He was the king and he knew that he was quite handsome so why was he still not good enough for Hephaistion? “You could at least wait for your wound to heal.” Alexander glared at the servant boys who were looking at them with curious eyes. It made him even more pissed off. 

„This is ridiculous.“  
Hephaistion shook his head and turned his back to Alexander, reached for Goran and helped him standing up. He touched his shoulders and looked encouraging in his eyes.  
„Go, Goran. We will talk later.“  
He carefully watched how the boy slithered around Alexander and around the corner, out of the hall. Then he took a deep breath and stood there with one hand on the healthy side of his hips.  
„This has nothing to do with you. I was only trying to befriend him. I just realized that I don't have any friends besides Nevena and I kind of feel... isolated. What is so bad about this?“  
It hurt his heart that Alexander was thinking like this of him. What did he think, that he wanted to fuck the boy or what? Did he really think so low of him?  
Alexander was the only one for him and Hephaistion even told him so but apparently he didn't believe him.  
„I really can't believe that you just said that.“

“And what should I think about this? You’re sneaking out when I’m asleep and you are drinking wine with some servant boy. It always leads to the same thing”, he sighed and looked at Hephaistion with tired eyes. “Why didn’t you just wake me up? Am I really so unworthy of your trust?”, he asked quietly, coming a little closer. He didn’t like the look on Hephaistion’s face. It wasn’t very promising. “And you had a fever just a few hours ago. You shouldn’t even think about getting out of the bed”, he added, feeling a little bad that he scared the servant boy away. Maybe Hephaistion really just wanted to make friends but still, he could have just told him. All those secrets were only making things between them worse. 

„Don't judge others by your own standards, Alexander.“  
Hephaistion looked away and tried to keep the thoughts away, but it was no use: he immediately had to think about him and Leander. Alexander always got grabby hands when it came to alcohol but Hephaistion himself wasn't like this, at all. He could contain himself.  
He had to clear his throat, suddenly feeling a bit insecure, before he could carry on speaking, while he dug his fingers into his side to keep him sane.  
„I did not have the heart to wake you up. You haven't slept for days and when I saw you lying there, I simply couldn't... I only wanted to take care of you. But obviously you don't want me to do so, so don't talk about being unworthy of someone's trust. I defended your life with my own and I didn't do that for you to tire yourself to death now.“  
He shook his head and let go of his hip, turned around and fluffed the cushions up, not facing Alexander anymore.  
„I did not know that you thought so low of me. I opened my heart to you, let you in and – without wanting to be vengeful – got paid with you wanting to fuck my brother... and this is how you treat me now? _I_ am unworthy of _your_ trust, as it seems.“

„Fuck! Hephaistion! I’m jealous!”, Alexander nearly screamed. He blinked twice, slowly realizing what he just had said. He was actually pretty surprised that those words came out of his mouth. He had his pride and under different circumstances he would never admit how jealous he was of his friend.   
“Gods...” He prayed that the ground would split up and swallow him whole. He was a king, for fuck’s sake. He shouldn’t act like some teenage boy getting all hot because his crush was interested in someone else.   
“I already apologized for that situation with Leander. Phai, I want you back”, he said softly, having nothing more to lose. “I know that I broke your heart a million times already but when I thought that you were dead I finally understood how much you mean to me. I can’t live without you.” Alexander could feel that he was blushing slightly and he was thankful that all the servants wisely left the hall. He would kill himself if someone would see him like this after his pathetic declaration of love. 

As soon as the words left Alexander's mouth, Hephaistion stilled in his motions, he even dropped the cushion he was holding in his hands. Disbelief was written on his face when he turned around and looked in Alexander's face whose cheeks were slightly painted in an adorable pink flush.  
„What... are you jealous of?“, he asked confused, totally not getting what the king was implying there. He really had no reason to be jealous, he thought. He had everything he wanted and he could get anything he wanted in the future. He was the king, for god's sake.  
Hephaistion postured himself as straight as possible after he turned around with his whole body.  
„Alexander“, he sighed and closed his eyes for a second, taking a deep breath.  
„Come here.“ He took a step towards him and when he was close enough, Hephaistion gently put his arms around his waist and hugged him lightly.  
Alexander was mistaken. He never experienced a deep friendship with another human being and now he was thinking that he needed Hephaistion to survive. He loved him, but not in the same way that Hephaistion loved him. But maybe... if he said he was jealous? But... no. Hephaistion wouldn't get his hopes up again.  
„I bet you could“, he whispered and lifted a hand to caress Alexander's cheek tenderly, wiping away a lash.

“I’m jealous of you and don’t pretend that you don’t see it”, he hummed, feeling his cheeks burn with shame. When did he become so soft? Alexander gently embraced Hephaistion and kissed lightly his forehead. Feeling him so close was doing wonders to the king’s self-control. He already calmed down and relaxed a little bit.   
“I want to marry you, my Phai, because I can’t live without you”, he said softly, caressing Hephaistion’s hair. He knew that maybe it was too soon and nothing like this ever happened before but he wanted everyone to know that Hephaistion belonged to him and making him the king’s beloved husband was the best way to finally have Phai all to himself. Besides, he was the king so no one could forbid him from making Hephaistion his husband.   
“I love you, not like a friend but like a lover. You’re my whole world, Phai”, he said honestly and looked into the older boy’s eyes, wanting to see his reaction. 

His breath got stuck in his throat and his heart started to beat so fast he thought he would get a heart attack. Hephaistion's hand dropped and he lifted his gaze slowly from Alexander's cheek to his eyes. And then he stared. For minutes.  
He couldn't be serious. He was a _man_ , in case his friend hadn't noticed yet. He... he just couldn't be serious. This wasn't real, he was dreaming.  
Obviously, he was still lying in bed, his wound was inflamed and he had a severe fever. This was the only solution.  
„What... are you saying?“ His voice was only a whisper and he couldn't hear it over the loud thudding in his chest. He couldn't look away, his eyes were somehow locked with Alexander's and he stared with an open mouth at him, softly starting to shake his head.  
Desperately wanting this to be true, he clawed his fingers in Alexander's front.

“I know it’s fast, Phai.” Alexander sighed heavily, looking into Hephaistion’s blue irises. “And I know that you don’t trust me enough to let me in your life but if you would ever want to be with me, as my lover and partner, then I will wait for that to happen”, he said with seriousness in his voice. He wasn’t actually sure if those were the right words to say because he couldn’t recognize the fan of emotions that was now showing on Hephaistion’s face. He was probably mad that Alexander proposed to him after all what he had done to him but he didn’t want to lose the chance of finally telling Phai how he felt about him. Hephaistion’s anger still would be better than not doing anything at all and regretting it for the rest of his life. 

„I... I... god, Alexander!“  
Hephaistion gave him a slight slap against his chest before hiding his face behind his hands and turning around. He couldn't be serious! Did he just... ask him to marry him...?!  
He nearly squeaked, but he could gain his control back in the last second.  
„You can't tell me something like that totally out of the blue. It's not fair“, he mumbled into his hands and rubbed his forehead. The pain in his side was gone, the adrenalin literally washed it out of his body.  
„Are you blind?“, he asked and whipped around, his face all flushed and he worried his lips. „I am a man, not a woman. I... Oh god, Alexander!“  
He fisted his hair with both of his hands and shook his head totally flabbergasted.  
„You... you can't just marry me... I can't give you a heir, I am a man... _Alexander_!“ Hephaistion totally lost his face in front of him and he hated it, but he couldn't help himself. Alexander was insane. He totally lost his mind due to the lack of sleep.

“I know perfectly well that you are a man. But I am the king and I’m the law so I can marry you if I wish to”, he said with a small smile, happy that Hephaistion didn’t say no. He felt a spark of hope in his heart.   
“And I know you can’t give me a heir…” Alexander worried his lower lip between his teeth. “But I don’t need a heir now. We can think it through. I just want you by my side.” He kissed him lightly on the cheek and looked again into those beautiful eyes that were so full of emotions. Alexander wasn’t sure if Hephaistion had let himself show so many emotions before but he loved this side of his friend. He could get used to seeing him so open like this everyday.   
“If you don’t want this… I understand. I won’t make you marry me. I just want you to love me as much as I love you.” 

„You have no idea how much I love you, you ass.“  
Hephaistion turned around, a smile formed on his lips. Even though he was insecure, he couldn't say no. But he couldn't say yes, either. It was too early for him to say something to this but he didn't want to affront Alexander. It wasn't his right to do so.  
That's why he literally jumped at him. He clutched his arms around his neck and ignored the sharp pain that built itself in his side due to the harsh movement he just did.  
But he couldn't care less.  
Alexander loved him – and hell, he even wanted to marry him. Hephaistion still couldn't believe it. It was like a dream.   
„I don't know what got into your head“, he whispered in his ear, clutching tighter on him, „but I am not rejecting you. I just need time.“ Actually, he needed the time for Alexander. The other man needed to learn that he could trust him, that Hephaistion wasn't after other people, regardless of their gender. 

Alexander caught Hephaistion out of reflex and smiled happily. “I will give you as much time as you need.” He still couldn’t quite believe that Hephaistion loved him back after all these horrible things that Alexander did to him. But he didn’t want to think about it when Phai was in his arms, right where he belonged.   
“But now I’m taking you back to your dorms. You need to rest and eat something. You’re forbidden from drinking wine”, he said while already walking to Phai’s room with the boy clinging to him like the little panda he was. It was cute but Alexander finally felt how tired he was and how much he needed a good sleep. “I also need to get some rest”, he sighed, locking the doors to Hephaistion’s dorms after them. He didn’t want anyone to interrupt them now. He was too exhausted to deal with some idiots. The king just wanted to lie with Hephaistion and sleep for ages. 

Mingling their fingers together as soon as Alexander closed the door, Hephaistion pulled him to the bed and pushed him down on it.  
„You can bet your ass that you will sleep now. And if I have to knock you out, I will do it.“  
Caressing his cheek, he smiled at him, still feeling overwhelmed with the feelings that threatened to burst his heart. It wasn't only luck but Hephaistion couldn't name the other ones. He was sure that fear was one of them but he couldn't exactly tell what he feared.  
He cleared his throat and lay down besides Alexander, his movements slowly and deliberate, as if he was moving in slow motion. When he finished wiggling his ass into a comfortable position, he reached for the blanket and covered both of them with it. Then he rolled on his healthy side and faced Alexander, looking at his face.  
„I love you, Alexander. But you won't stop me from drinking wine“, he added after some moments of silence, smugly grinning.

Alexander only smiled at Hephaition’s threats. He was too tired to muster up some snarky comment and the bed was so soft and inviting that it took all of his willpower to not to fall asleep right away. Alexander yawned and watched as Hephaistion was making himself comfortable next to him. It was nice to know that his friend was once again able to accept the king’s presence in his bed. It made his chest clench with happiness.   
“You won’t drink wine on my watch, Phai”, he said in a sleepy voice, placing his arm around Hephaistion’s waist. “I will make sure that you will heal properly…” He wanted to add something more but he already fell asleep, inhaling Phai’s sweet scent and snoring lightly. 

Hephaistion could constitute the exact moment Alexander fell asleep. His body went limp and his features relaxed to the beautiful peaceful face the boy loved so much. His arm around his waist gave him a feeling of utter safety and Hephaistion himself relaxed visibly. Alexander's touch seemed to literally take the pain away. Fondly, he traced the outline of Alexander's face with his finger, his nose and eyebrows, his lips. The whole situation seemed to be unreal, especially after the discussion both of them had only minutes ago, but who was Hephaistion to repulse the king? And if the latter really meant what he was saying... Hephaistion exhaled deeply and snuggled closer, placing a longing kiss on Alexander's soft lips, then on his forehead, before he put his own arm around the other's waist, lying chest to chest with him, feeling his heartbeat mingle with his own.   
Listening to this rhythm, Hephaistion closed his eyes and tucked his head under Alexander's chin.  
If this could be his daily grind from now on, he could absolutely die a happy death now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos and comments! You make us so happy and motivated, you have no idea. ♥


	16. Chapter 16

Alexander woke up slowly, having no idea how long he had been sleeping, but it rather hadn’t been very long since Hephaistion was still asleep in the king’s embrace. The latter yawned and kissed the top of his friend's head. The memories from yesterday were slowly coming up to him and he smiled widely. Hephaistion finally was his and it was just the matter of time before he would agree to Alexander’s proposal.   
“My beautiful Phai”, he murmured, caressing gently his friend’s hair. Hephaistion looked like a god in his sleep, so peaceful and relaxed like he hadn’t been in weeks. Alexander wished they could just lie here for the rest of their lives but he had responsibilities and he couldn’t run away from them anymore. He shifted slowly, trying to get away from Hephaistion without waking him up but they boy grumbled something in his sleep and rolled himself onto his king, giving just the right pressure on Alexander’s morning wood. “Gods…”, Alexander moaned quietly, knowing that Hephaistion was in no condition for any kind of sex. “Phai”, he murmured softly, stroking his friend's back and trying to wake him up. “Phai, please, wake up and stop moving”, he nearly cried from frustration. 

Hephaistion couldn't stand it when someone tried to wake him up, especially when he was having a good and very pleasant dream. That's why he unconsciously clutched tighter to his mattress named Alexander and didn't let him go.   
He nuzzled his neck with his nose and smiled satisfied when his scent caught his nose. Mumbling, he lied still, dozing off again, when he suddenly got aware of what he was doing.  
His head snapped up, as he wasimmediately wide awake, and he stared into Alexander's eyes.  
„Oh.“  
A sheepish smile formed on his lips, when he braced himself up with both of his arms, his hands tightly digging into the sheets next to Alexander's head.  
„Good morning“, he murmured, placing a chaste kiss on the other's lips before carefully rolling on his side, away from him.  
Trying to ignore the fact that he explicitly felt something hard between Alexander's legs, he rubbed his eyes and yawned, concentrating on his growling stomach.  
Damn, he really was hungry.  
„How did you sleep?“, he asked innocently and examined his side with careful touches.

Alexander let out a relieved breath. Without any pressure, his hard-on would eventually die down. “Good”, he smiled and kissed Hephaistion’s cheek. “But I need to go. I will call for someone to bring you food. Eat everything, okay?” Alexander slowly rose up from the bed, clearly not wanting to go anywhere, especially when he was still horny but he was the king, damnit. He quickly readjusted his pants and started to dress himself properly.   
“How do you feel today? Should I call for Nevena?”, he asked with concern in his voice. He didn’t want to go anywhere and leave Hephaistion alone but he couldn’t take him with him, either. There was just no way. Phai should lie in bed and let himself heal but Alexander would be much happier if he could watch over him himself. Just to be sure that his stubborn Phai wouldn’t do anything stupid. 

Hephaistion missed his lover the second he got out of bed. He wanted to cuddle and lie in bed all day long but he knew that they couldn't and it frustrated him.  
„I know...“, is why he mumbled moments later and pushed his face into the pillow. „I am really hungry, so you won't have to worry that I won't eat it.“  
He laughed when his stomach growled in approval and rolled on his back, watching Alexander getting dressed. He definitely didn't want him to go but he had no clue how to hold him back.  
On the one hand, he knew that he was the king now and that he had to take care of everything, not only of him, but on the other hand... he was his lover and simply wanted to spend time with him.   
But Hephaistion had to behave like an adult, not like a spoiled brat. He knew that.  
That's why he smiled at Alexander and shook his head. „No need to make Nevena worry... I'm fine. I will change the bandages by myself, it shouldn't be that bad anymore. So go, my king. Duty calls.“

Alexander smiled when he heard the growling from Hephaistion’s stomach. He sat on the edge of the bed and kissed his beloved friend passionately. “Don’t do anything stupid while I’m away, Phai”, he murmured, placing sweet kisses on Hephaistion’s neck. He knew that he should go now but he wanted to spend just a few more minutes more with his lover. “I’m serious. I don’t want you to get hurt.” Alexander made a small hickey on the pale skin in front of him and smiled to himself with satisfaction. All this smooth, flawless skin just begged Alexander to mark it and he almost gave in but the irritating voice in the back of his head was constantly reminding him that he needed to fulfill his duties. “And no wine for you”, he said with seriousness in his voice, looking Hephaistion in the eyes. 

Hephaistion enjoyed Alexander's fondling and closed his eyes, tilting his head in submission and oppressing a small moan that built itself in his throat.  
Nodding, he let go of him, only to give him a last kiss on his own, before adjusting himself in bed again, proping the pillows in his back so that he could lie there the most comfortable way.  
„I will take care of myself, don't worry. I mean, I'm lying in this huge and soft bed, what could happen to me?“, he smiled and covered himself but when he heard Alexander's last words, a pout formed on his face and he turned around, showing him his back.  
„No way you will forbid me to drink wine.“  
He smiled into the pillow, happy about Alexander's concern, but he wasn't a little child anymore. Alexander knew that but he still had to play his I-am-the-mighty-king-and-you-will-obey-no-matter-what-card. Needless to say that there was no way he _would'_ obey.

“It’s bad for your health. Once you will recover, I will give you as much wine as you will wish to drink”, he smiled and stretched his arms, yawning once again. Damn, he never had been a morning person. “Call for me if you will need something. I will try to be back as soon as possible”, he sighed, rubbing his eyes. “And when I will be back, I will take you to the garden.” Alexander smiled and finally made it to the doors. He looked back at the bed and nearly stumbled over his own feet when Hephaistion looked at him with this big, sad eyes. Damn, he was getting soft. “Don’t move anywhere without me”, he said and quickly left the dorms before he would change his mind as stay inside.

# ~*~

Hephaistion slept through the whole day. He didn't know if someone came in to check on him, hell, he didn't even know if Alexander came back in the meantime.  
He was literally sleeping like a baby.  
When he woke up, the sun was a small ball at the horizon and outside of his room, he could hear voices. Maybe it was time for supper.  
But he was way too lazy and sleepy to get his ass out of the bed and Alexander wouldn't know that he hasn't eaten after he nearly swallowed the breakfast in one go.  
Rubbing his eyes like a baby cat, he rolled on his healthy side and looked out of the window, wondering where Alexander was at the moment and what he was doing.  
How was his day? What had he been discussing with his generals? And more important: did he take care of himself?  
Hephaistion just wanted to get out of bed to drink some water, when the door to his room was opened after someone knocked politely against it.  
He smiled when he saw how Goran entered his room, pushing the door open with his elbow since he held a plate full with delicious food on it.  
„I brought you something to eat, Hephaistion“, his young voice said while his big brown eyes were looking at him.

Alexander felt like his head weighed a ton. All those papers and things that he needed to take care of were endless. He was so happy that at least they let him out after countless hours of this torture. Who would have thought that Philip left so many things in such a bad state? And now it was up to Alexander to deal with this mess. It was frustrating but a promising night in Hephaistion's warm embrace made him feel a lot better. He was also very hungry but he just stopped at his room, took a quick bath and went straight to Hephaistion’s dorms.   
“I’m finally back!”, he announced happily to the empty room. “Phai?” Alexander furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. Hephaistion promised him to stay in bed and take care of himself and Alexander was sure that this time he would listen to him. But it seemed that he was wrong.   
“Phai, are you here?” Alexander started to worry because Hephaistion really wasn’t in his best shape and the wound could reopen at any time. “Fuck! Guards!”, he yelled with anger in his voice, coming out of the room like a storm. “Find Hephaistion! _Now_!”, he barked, clearly annoyed. How could Phai be so stupid? How could he let Alexander down after last night? 

After he filled his stomach with delicious food, Hephaistion was so full that he thought he'd burst any second. Goran looked very satisfied with himself, sitting across from him on the bed, handing him a cup of wine which the blue eyed man rushed in one go.  
„Thank you, Goran. Without you I would have starved, I am sure.“ Smiling, he patted his stomach, the sky being fully dark now. He started to worry since Alexander still didn't come back. He hoped, that the other ate something at least and that he wasn't drowning in work. He for sure had a lot to do now, as a king...  
Goran ripped him out of his thoughts when his voice got to Hephaistion's ears.  
„Excuse me, I didn't listen... what did you say?“, he asked, blinking a few times when he focused his gaze on the boy that was blushing a bit now.  
„Nothing important“, he said and looked down at his hands, mingling his fingers together.  
„I just thought that maybe... maybe you could come with me and show me which things I should take with me in case Alexander really would let me go for a while... I don't own many things, but you know...“  
Hephaistion's smile grew even bigger when he stood up and reached with a hand for him, pulling him out of bed and on his feet.  
„I don't know if I can be of great use since I haven't been on a bigger journey myself yet, but I will try to help you.“  
Goran's face lit up and he literally pulled Hephaistion's out of the room and down the corridor, leading him to the back of the palace where some of the servants had their rooms. Apparently Goran was one of the higher positioned ones when he was allowed to live here.  
Hephaistion somehow was happy about that.

Alexander was getting more and more furious with every passing minute. It seemed that the ground swallowed Hephaistion because he was nowhere to be found. The guards searched all the dorms in the palace and the garden. Twice. And still no sign of Hephaistion.   
If someone as much as dared to touch his Phai… Alexander was literally ready to kill now. “My king, some servant boy said that he saw how Hephaistion went to the servant’s part of the palace.” Alexander turned around and looked at the guard who gulped loudly under the king’s murderous glare. “Lead the way”, he ordered and quickly followed the man to the rooms where the servants were living. Now he was sure that Hephaistion went there on his own will. But the thought that Hephaistion could meet this servant boy there was making his blood boil. If something happened between them then the boy would not see the next day. For a brief second Alexander thought if Hephaistion felt the same way when the king was playing behind his back. If he felt this pain and anger? But he quickly shook these thoughts from his head because Hephaistion fucking promised him to stay in his dorms. Besides, now wasn't the time to think about something like this. “Hephaistion!”, he yelled as soon as he entered the servant’s room. His angry voice made all the boys run for dear life the hell out of Alexander’s sight. He even noticed that his yelling made the guards shiver. They were even keeping a safe distance to their king but Alexander couldn’t care less in this moment. 

„The only thing you really need is time. Take enough of it, enjoy your journey and don't think too much of home.“  
Hephaistion stood in the middle of Goran's room while the boy managed to carry some things together which he wanted to take along with him. He knew what he was doing since it only were useful things and according to the smile on the boy's face, the only thing that was left was Alexander's permission. But Hephaistion was sure he would get him there.  
Goran deserved to live his life to the fullest and if it was his dream to see a small part of the world, why the hell not.  
„You think? Okay, I will try and heed your advice.“  
Goran crossed the room and dropped a knife down on the bed – Hephaistion told him to make sure that he could defend himself no matter what – and approached him, hugging him carefully.  
„Thank you, Hephaistion. This actually means a lot to me. There aren't many people here that treat me nice... actually, there is no one here except for my brothers... but you, you are gracious. Thank you for treating me this way.“  
Hephaistion beamed of pride at those words and he felt a warm feeling inside of his chest, making him smile. He was really growing fond of this boy, maybe he already thought of him as a little brother. A little brother he never had. He lifted his hand and gently ruffled his hair.  
„There is absolutely no need to thank me, Goran. It's my pleasure to -“  
Before he could finish his sentence, they heard a loud yelling and it immediately made Hephaistion freeze in his movements. Alexander. Quite an angry Alexander.  
Blinking, he let go of Goran the same moment the door flung open. A heavy breathing Alexander bursted in and looked at them, a furious expression on his handsome features.  
„What are you doing here?“, he asked, seriously confused. He thought that Alexander would wait for him in his rooms, and he totally didn't get why he was so furious and riotous right now.  
„Is something wrong?“

“ _What am I doing here_?”, Alexander hissed and laughed coldly. “You are so hilarious, Hephaistion”, he said with no hint of humor in his voice. “You know. I thought that I could trust you with this one fucking thing. I just asked you for one simple thing. Which part of it didn’t you fucking understand?!”, Alexander yelled, knocking over a table which fell down with a loud thud. Alexander was so furious now that his vision was almost red. But at least there was no evidence that Hephaistion touched the servant boy. Anyway, it didn’t calm him down even a bit. “You!” Alexander grabbed the poor boy by the hem of his shirt and brought him closer to himself, looking into his pupils, which were dilated from fear.   
“Get out and never come back or I will kill you with my bare hands!”, Alexander growled and literally threw him out of the small room. Goran fell hard on the stone floor and was quickly grabbed by the guards who took pity on him but the king didn’t care right now, his cold gaze locked on Hephaistion. “I know why you are doing this”, he said, closing the door with a loud crack. Even the hinges crackled from the force that Alexander used. “You want me to feel the way you did when you saw me with your brother.”   
Alexander took a step closer towards Hephaistion who was caged between the bed and the king with no way out. “Congratulation. You made it. I was out of my fucking mind when I couldn’t find you anywhere!” The king breathed heavily, clenching his hands into fists at his sides. “I thought that we were over it but of course you wouldn’t be yourself if you wouldn’t show me how much you still hate me for all these things I did to you. But you could have just told me. I would have left you the fuck alone!” He took another step forwards him and grabbed one of Hephaistion’s arms. “But I’m still your king and you will listen to me, whether you like or not!” 

It took Hephaistion many seconds to catch his breath again after he saw how Alexander treated Goran. It literally made his lungs clench and took his breath away, leaving an unbearably heavy pain in his chest behind. He couldn't leave it like that. As soon as he got out of here he would search for the poor boy and apologize for Alexander's behavior. He hadn't done anything wrong, for fuck's sake!  
He focused his eyes on Alexander, his vision blurry from all the anger that was building inside of him, threatening to overwhelm him. Alexander couldn't be serious. He just couldn't be.  
Even though he felt like crying when he heard his words, they only made him more furious.  
„Don't you dare threatening him like that again. He is entrusted in my care now.“ He didn't know where these words came from right now, but they felt right: Hephaistion _would_ take care of him, whether the king would accept it or not. He still got his own mind.  
„Are you serious right now, Alexander? Did you really say those words to me?“ He crossed his arms in front of his chest and didn't take a step back when Alexander approached him. He stood there confident, Goran's fearful features giving him strength.  
„Maybe these are _your_ standards, but mine definitely aren't that low. I wouldn't want to make you feel bad for anything you did, Alexander. You should know that. Of course I was hurt, I still am, but I really tried to see past those things for the sake of our relationship. But now that I am thinking about it: what exactly is our relationship? Didn't you just fucking propose to me some hours ago? Was this a joke to you?“  
Hephaistion cocked his head and shut his face completely, not showing any emotions towards his counterpart. He wouldn't do this anymore. If Alexander couldn't trust him, this had no use.  
When Alexander grabbed his arm, he hissed and ripped himself out of his grip, glaring at him, his eyes cold like steel.   
„You are my king? I have to listen do you? Are you fucking joking? You said yourself that I shouldn't treat you like my king.“  
He took a breath and tried to get past him, wanting to apologize to Goran and get the hell out of here as soon as possible before the situation could escalate.  
„I am not your property.“

Alexander caught Hephaistion when he tried to get past him and looked him in the eyes, even more furious than before. Why didn’t he understand how worried Alexander was and that he was fucking scared because he thought that Hephaistion might have been in trouble?   
“Don’t you fucking dare to get away from me now”, he growled. “I tried so hard for you to be better, to be worth your love but you still don’t care! And don’t you think that I can’t smell the wine on you.” Alexander took a deep breath, trying to remind himself that Hephaistion was badly hurt and that he shouldn’t as much as touch him when he was angry. But he wanted to just shake the boy to get some senses into him so badly.   
“I never made you do anything. I always asked and you promised it to me! I want to treat you as my equal but it seems that you don’t give a single fuck about my concern and about how I feel! And I was fucking scared that something happened to you!” Alexander didn’t even care that the guards were probably hearing him loud and clear. He just wanted Hephaistion to understand. 

„I am fucking allowed to do what I want to do!“, Hephaistion bawled at him, tugging at his arm until he got it free again. He slightly rubbed his wrist where Alexander grabbed him a bit too tight, facing him and not breaking eye contact with him once.   
He would stand up to him, he definitely would. Hephaistion simply had enough. After all those years he coped with Alexander's shit he finally wanted to get his own head through. Even if it only was for this one single time. For Goran.  
He snapped his right arm up, pointing at the door with one finger while he perilously growled at him. „Do you call _this_ being better? Being worth my love? You just threw an innocent little boy out of his own fucking rooms because you can't handle your little pet – which would be me, by the way – to have some company other than you? You hurt him, Alexander! And you hurt me. And fucking stop with your stupid wine, I am allowed to drink what the fuck I want!“  
Hephaistion slowly lost his shit, not caring about anything anymore. He wanted to get this out of his system and he wanted to show Alexander that he was a human being on his own, with his own willpower. Alexander couldn't control him, no.  
„I am an adult, Alexander. I can take care of myself. And I am not sorry for getting out of bed and helping a friend who was in need of my help. Yes, Alexander, someone _needed_ me. I nearly couldn't believe it myself.“  
Looking furiously at him, he snorted.  
„What will you do now, lock me up in some dark room where nobody will find me or what?“

Alexander gritted his teeth, trying to get his emotions under control. If Hephaistion wanted to play it that way, he would get along. “Fine”, he said in a cold voice, letting go of Hephaistion’s arm. He immediately missed the warmness of his lover’s body but he didn’t let that show.   
“So you think I don’t need you? Fine. You can do whatever you want to donow. I won’t bother you ever again. Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m just keeping you on a leash like a pet. That’s why you can do whatever you want now. And if you care about the boy so much you can do whatever you want to make him happy. I won’t mind.”   
Alexander looked once again at his lover and turned on his heels, leaving the room without a second glance. He was so done with Hephaistion’s shit. All he wanted now was peace and a long sleep before he would have to take care of his responsibilities. At least now he had one problem less. But it hurt him. Letting Hephaistion go wasn’t easy but necessary. If Phai felt like Alexander’s pet then what he could do to change that? He couldn’t make his friend love him so it was better to just let him do what he pleased. Anyway, it still didn’t make the pain in his chest less antagonizing. He felt like shit. For yelling and for kicking out that poor servant boy but at least things were clear now and he knew how Hephaistion really felt about him. 

„Doing what I want?“, Hephaistion echoed and fisted his hands into his clothes, wrinkling the material between his fingers. „I want to kick your fucking ass for being such an ignorant little shit!“  
He kicked against the bed in frustration and let out a short cry, letting himself fall down on the bed and digging his fingers into his hair.  
Why did it always had to be like that between the two of them? Why couldn't they just get along like before? Before everything happened, before Hephaistion got aware of his feelings... The boy stopped breathing for a second and looked up. Yeah. Maybe exactly this was the reason. Maybe he pushed Alexander into something he didn't want – maybe he even forced his feelings on him?  
The thought made him swallow and he felt bad in an instant.   
Suddenly, he felt something pushing against his stomach. He slipped a hand underneath his body and gasped when he felt the cold blade of the knife Goran threw on the bed minutes ago, before Alexander stormed in. He moved carefully so he wouldn't hurt himself and pulled it out looking at it for a few seconds.  
That was close.   
Maybe Alexander was right after all. Obviously he couldn't actually take care of himself when he didn't even make sure the place he was literally throwing his body at was safe.  
Crying out once again, he furiously got up and hated himself. He really was stupid. If he had kept his mouth shut, everything would be alright now.  
Turning around after he placed the knife on the small pile of gathered things, he tried to arrange the table Alexander flipped over in his fury, but it was too heavy. Hissing, he used both of his arms but he could feel the pulling in his side, signalizing him that he should leave it be. But stubborn as he was, he didn't give in.  
Stolidly, as if to annoy Alexander, he used all of his strength and finally managed to arrange the table, even if he could feel the pain in his side. Maybe one of the stitches even broke open again, as he imagined that the bandage was getting wet but it sure was only in his imagination, but he didn't care. He needed to clean the mess Alexander caused in here, no matter what. And then he would search for Goran. The boy really deserved better treatment...


	17. Chapter 17

It had been three days since Alexander saw Hephaistion for the last time. All this time he was sitting in his office, getting lost in the paperwork. He didn’t want that and it wasn’t the way he imagined a king’s life but it was good for now, helping him to forget about Hephaistion. It was hard since his tricky mind seemed to only think about his lover. Alexander really tried his best to think about something else, anything, but his stupid brain was analyzing that night three days ago over and over again.   
It was his fault. He knew that. Hephaistion haven’t done anything wrong. He was a grown up man and could make his own decisions. Alexander was really stupid for wanting to make Phai obey and he regretted every word he had said. “Fuck…”, he muttered under his breath when he had written _Hephaistion_ on some document instead of his own name. He just hoped that it wasn’t something important. But he really needed to get a grip on himself. He was the king. He had responsibilities. And his biggest responsibility was Hephaistion. There was no use in denying it. He broke his heart so many times already and treated him like a pet, like something _he_ had the only right to play with. He was really just a spoiled brat and he wasn’t even brave enough to do something about it.   
“Damn it!” Alexander leaned back in his chair, looking at the ink he shed on his papers. He didn’t even feel bad about this. Actually he didn’t feel anything except for the void that was eating him from the inside. Abruptly, the king stood up, making up his mind. He wasn’t a coward so he was going to face his problem like a man even if that meant that Hephaistion would finally tell him to just stay away from him for good. At last he would try. Try to apologize and maybe make everything alright again.

The room was a total mess; his bed was unmade, the sheets a tangled mess scattered around on the floor. The drawers were pulled out and emptied and the stuff he didn't need was lying on the floor as well. Most of it were clothes that didn't fit the weather.  
The stuff he needed was neatly folded on the edge of the bed, a bag lying in front of it, already filled with some of his belongings.  
Hephaistion stood in front of it, ticking off some things on a list he made for himself. Clothes; check. A little present for his little sister; check. A gunnysack to pull over Leander's head so he wouldn't have to look at him? Check. Check check check.  
Everything was packed.  
Hephaistion scratched his head and looked around the room, feeling guilty about the mess he would leave behind, but it wasn't like someone would cometo check on him anyway. Goran was busy packing his own things, since he would join him in finally going home. He went to see him the same evening he and Alexander parted and apologized to him, but Goran didn't want to hear anything about it since Hephaistion was innocent. And damn, he was right.  
Pulling a face at the thought of Alexander, he sighed and stuffed the remaining things into the bag, cording it up and leaving it by the door.  
This was it. This was his final step to get over Alexander. The king made it clear that he didn't want him, at least not as an equal and Hephaistion was anything but okay with it. But if it was the king's wish, he would give in and go so that Alexander wouldn't have to ever see him again.  
His heart lay heavy in his chest, but what could he do? He tried to talk to him the day after their fight, but Alexander didn't open the door. Hephaistion couldn't say if it was because he didn't want to see him because he was disgusted with him now or because he was simply annoyed by his behavrios. It was probably a healthy mix of both of those things.  
Hephaistion even was that depressed about it, that he started to drink himself into sleep at night again, causing his stitched up side to inflame a bit. He really was a coward.  
Touching it, a heavy sigh heaved his chest when he placed a piece of parchment on the dresser next to the door, clearly adressed with Alexander's name.  
Then, with a final look at it, he grabbed his bag and got out of the room.

Alexander raised his hand to knock at the doors when they opened and someone bumped into his chest. “Hephaistion! Are you alright?”, Alexander asked with concern in his voice, catching the boy before he would land on his ass. For a few short seconds he had time to take a better look at his friend and he definitely didn’t like what he saw. Hephaistion still looked pale and exhausted, without that spark in his eyes. It was clear that he still haven’t healed enough to move out of the bed but it seemed that it didn’t stop him from leaving. And it was obvious that Phai was leaving and it made Alexander feel sick.   
“Where are you going?”, he asked in a calm voice, not wanting to provoke another fight. He just hoped that Hephaistion wasn’t leaving for too long because the loneliness would kill him. Actually, he was afraid that this time they crossed a line and that there was no coming back to what they had previously so Hephaistion was leaving for good - but that would definitely kill him.

Hephaistion's whole body stiffened when he found himself face to face with Alexander all of a sudden. This wasn't what he expected to happen any time soon. Especially not today, not _now'_  
Focusing his eyes on the other's chest, he nodded shortly, not even exactly knowing why he couldn't look him in the eyes. Was it the fear of rejection? Hate? Disgust? Or maybe it was just his own remorse?  
„Yes, I am alright“, he answered, readjusting the bag on his shoulders in a more comfortable way. Then he dug his nails into his flesh while he tried to ignore his ferocious beating heart. The desire for Alexander was growing again, even though he tried to shut it out off his head for good but it wasn't that easy and it didn't make it easier when the other stood right in front of him.  
When he heard Alexander's next words, he already formed a snarky remark on his tongue but he could bite it back in the last second before it would have left his mouth.   
„I am going home“, he said instead, banning all of his emotions out of his voice by not letting it shake.

“Oh…” Alexander looked on the wall, suddenly disappointed because they planned to visit Hephaistion’s family together. But it seemed that Phai didn’t want to take Alexander with him anymore. “I won’t take you long”, he said after a moment of awkward silence.   
“I just wanted to apologize to you.” He had nothing left to lose so there was no use of beating around the bushes. He could as well never see Hephaistion again so he needed to tell him that he finally understood how unfair he treated him. “I shouldn’t have treated you they way I did. You were right. I was… I _am_ a spoiled brat.”   
He sighed heavily and took a step back, wanting to give Hephaistion some space. “I really regret every bad thing I said or did. I just wanted you to know.” He looked at his former friend, waiting for some response. He wasn’t actually expecting anything, fully knowing that last time, he really crossed all the lines but at least he hoped that Hephaistion would - at some point - return to the palace. 

Hephaistion could literally taste the disappointment that was radiating from Alexander and it hit him pretty hard. He didn't want to make him feel bad, but what was he supposed to do when they couldn't get along anymore as it seemed? He lowered his gaze and clenched his fists at his side, hearing what the king had to say to him. But when he finished, Hephaistion wasn't feeling better, not even a bit.  
„You shouldn't apologize to me“, he said coldly, finally lifting his gaze to meet Alexander's eyes, only because he wanted him to know that he meant his next words.  
„Instead of standing in front of me right now, it should be Goran you were apologizing to. But anyway... like you said, you are the king now and it really shouldn't worry you to apologize to anyone, not even to me. You have the right to do what you want and who am I to object in the end.“  
Alexander already apologized so many times that it actually lost its meaning a long long time ago. Hephaistion simply couldn't trust his apologies anymore.  
Pushing his way past him, he shove him to the side by placing his hand on the other's arm and he told himself that he totally wasn't touching him longer than it was necessary. Not at all.  
But it was truly hard to let him go.  
„Excuse me now... I am late.“

Alexander nodded, feeling absolutely nothing. “Have a good trip”, he said after Hephaistion, knowing that it didn’t mean anything to the older boy. In fact, nothing had a meaning anymore because Phai, _his_ beloved Phai was leaving for good, leaving Alexander all alone in this huge palace. For the first time in his life the king felt truly alone and he already hated that feeling. For a few long minutes he was looking in the direction where Hephaistion went even when the boy disappeared behind the corner a long time ago. So that was it. The end. Alexander turned around and went back to his office on autopilot. He didn’t even know what to do anymore. Should he stop Hephaistion? But would he stay?   
Alexander laughed bitterly. Of course Hephaistion would not stay. He deserved something better, something what the king couldn’t give him. The king looked at the ink soaked papers and wondered if he was the same as his father. If he was too brutal, too self confident and too despotic? He never wanted to be the same as Philip because he was just cruel and Alexander was convinced that he would never become such person as the previous king but it seemed that the apple didn’t fall too far from the tree. In this moment, Alexander truly hated what he had become.

# ~*~

Alexander didn’t know how he found himself in Hephaistion’s dorms but he was sure that alcohol took some part in that. But it helped him to forget about the void in his heart so he didn’t mind even when he stumbled over something. He wasn’t sure what it was but it made him fall on Hephaistion’s unmade bed. The king inhaled deeply. Phai’s scent still lingered on the sheets and it made Alexander’s head spin. They made love on this bed but now it was cold and uninviting. How could he let this happen? How could he let his only love just go? A single tear flowed down his cheek when he remembered Phai’s soft touches and sweet words. The king shouldn’t cry but he felt that he was allowed to do so now. It wasn’t like there was anybody to see him. Not anymore anyway. Alexander turned on his back and felt something under his head. He furrowed his eyebrows and took said thing in his hand. It was obviously a letter for him; from Hephaistion. Hastily, he opened it and started to read, breathing heavily.

_To my beloved Alexander,  
I am writing to you because this seems to be the only way to get to you before my departure. Maybe you are wondering now where I am going to, let me tell you that you don't have to worry. I will visit my family. I know we wanted to visit them together, I even had plans to introduce you as my... well, partner, but apparently it was only wishful thinking. I bet you wouldn't want to come along anymore anyway, would you?  
But well, it's the desperate need to see someone who loves me and where I – hopefully – can feel safe. Don't get me wrong, Alexander, you did gave me those feelings. But recently, it seemed that the two of us grew apart.  
The only thing we do is fighting, Alexander, and I bet you realized it as well. It's the last thing I want, though, since you are the only one that truly matters to me. I love you with all my heart, with all I got, but when I think about it, it's obviously not enough.  
We were together for so many years and I thought that I knew you by heart but time taught me otherwise.   
You need something I can't give to you, I know this now. Even though I _wish' _to be able doing so, I have no clue_ how _to do it. Maybe it would be the best for you if I just vanished._  
That's why I am leaving, to be honest.   
You need space and room to breathe. I know that I can be very annoying and nerv wrecking but please, Alexander, you have to believe me that I love you. I always tried my best to keep you good company, to be there for you and to catch you if you'd fall – but I failed, miserably. Look at where we are now, two devastated souls, not being able to live with or without the other.   
It even came so far that I actually wished that I could've sacrificed myself for you the other day. I think about it a lot, to be honest. At least I would have done something meaningful, giving my life for the one I love, wouldn't I? It would have been better. That way you wouldn't have so many problems with me. I truly apologize for that.  
But now you don't have to worry about this cause of your problems anymore since I am going to take care of it. I don't know if I will ever come back, if I won't, I will be no more since I am leaving my true home behind. Because my true home is where my heart lies and it lies in your hands.  
Don't forget that you are everything to me and that I will love you until the end. Always.  
You will always be my sun, my Achill.  
Please take care of yourself,  
Your Phai

# ~*~

“Your majesty…”A small scared, quiet voice pulled Alexander out of his thoughts. He was sitting in his dorms, reading Phai’s letter again. He knew it already by heart but somehow he wasn’t able not to read it whenever he could so the paper was already a bit creased. “What?”, camethe sharp reply from the king’s mouth. For the whole day, he was taking care of his responsibilities and he had a holy right to have a moment to catch his breath. The poor servant looked down at his feet and gulped audibly.   
“Your cousin came to see your majesty”, he responded, casting nervous glances towards the king. “He wants to see you. He said it’s very urgent.” Alexander sighed heavily and carefully folded Phai’s letter, putting it on his bedside table. He haven’t been seeing his cousin very often so there was no reason for Amyntas to come to the palace personally. But it still was better to take care of this problem right now than let it wait until the next morning. At least he would take his mind off of thinking about Hephaistion.   
“Lead the way”, he muttered, walking out of his room. It was actually odd that Amyntas was waiting for him in one of the halls instead in the audience room and almost immediately Alexander remember his mother’s words. She warned him that there might be traitors who would do everything to kill him so they would get the throne. She believed that there were snakes even in their own family and Alexander couldn’t deny that. Without Hephaistion at his side, there was no one worth his trust. The king gripped the head of his sword but kept his poker face because who knew, maybe Amyntas really was here with some important matter.   
“My king!” A tall, blonde man with dark eyes smiled widely at the sight of Alexander and it made the king’s instincts tingle with a bad feeling. His cousin was never too fond of him, knowing that Alexander would inherit the throne one day and when they were younger Amyntas didn’t even care to hide his grudge against his younger relative. “It is so good to see you! You have grown up Alexander.”   
“Amyntas!” Alexander smiled even though he felt like his face would crack from his false smile. But he needed to keep his façade. “You have grown up, too, since the last time I saw you but I was told that you have some urgent matter that couldn’t wait to the morning.” - “Ahh… so now you are all business. You have really changed, Alexander”, Amyntas smiled and came closer. Alexander returned the smile while discretely observing the men that came with his cousin. Maybe Amyntas was a good actor but those men were clearly feeling uneasy. Amyntas was stupid if he thought that he could kill Alexander so easily.   
“I just want to help you with your business. That’s all. And tomorrow we can celebrate your arrival.” His cousin laughed at that and Alexander wasn’t even surprised at the words that came out of Amyntas’ mouth. “You’re still so silly, Alexander. I see that Ptolemy haven’t taught you anything.” A sly smile appeared on his lips as he slowly pulled out his sword. He looked at it as if he was considering something. “You know, I thought that killing you would be more fun but you didn’t even bring the guards with you. You’re so self confident and arrogant. The same thing killed your father.” Amyntas looked at Alexander with a sick sparkle in his eyes.   
“But they say that you are the son of Zeus so it makes you a god, right, Alexander? So let’s see if gods are really immortal.” With those words he just threw himself at Alexander who pulled his sword in the matter of a second and dodged his cousin’s attack. “Greed is blinding you, Amyntas”, Alexander said with anger in his voice. He was the king just for two weeks and someone already was trying to deprive him of his birthright.   
“Fuck you, Alexander!” Amyntas was clearly out of his mind now if he thought that he could kill Alexander even when he had three men at his side. The first one came down pretty easily, clearly not expecting Alexander to attack him so fast. The rest moved towards the king with more careful movements but one of them made a mistake, thinking that the king couldn’t fight with the sword in his left hand. It cost him his head. Literally. The last one was the hardest to take down, clearly wiser than the rest of his now dead companions and more skilled in fight. But Alexander was training his skills every day since he could walk so after a pretty fierce fight he finally managed to stab the man right in his heart.   
“Fucker. And here I thought that a spoiled brat like you wouldn’t be able to even hold a sword.” Amyntas didn’t even look like he cared about his men, his eyes fixed on Alexander’s bloody shape. “You were never very good at thinking.” Alexander wiped his sword against his blood soaked robe and looked at Amyntas, completely unimpressed. Amyntas totally lost his grip at that comment and attacked Alexander with fury in his eyes. “And you think that you are so clever, oh divine Alexander? So why did you let your precious whore go away from you?”, he asked in a sweet voice, attacking Alexander without a break. The clashing of the swords echoed loudly in the empty halls. “Don’t you fucking dare to speak of Hephaistion that way, you little shit!”, Alexander yelled, losing his cool composure. “You’re not even worth to look at him!” Amyntas licked his lips, clearly pleased with Alexander’s reaction.   
“Oh for sure. But I bet that now it doesn’t make any different anymore since he’s dead.” - “What?!” Alexander took as step back and he knew it was a mistake when he felt a sharp pain in his left arm. “I’ve killed your precious toy, Alexander. He was fun and so tight. I must say that I had a lot of joy when he was screaming for you”, Amyntas said with a happy expression on his face. Alexander's vision went red and in an instance, he had his cousin pierced by his sword. “Wha…” Amyntas coughed his own blood and looked down where Alexander’s sword was puncturing him. “What. Have. You. Done. To. Hephaistion?”, Alexander asked in a cold voice, twisting his sword. His cousin made some ugly, wet noises, clearly fighting for every breath. “I’ve… killed y-your…little whore…”, he said slowly with a sick smile on his lips. Alexander screamed like a dying animal and pulled out the sword, making his cousin scream in pain. “Fuck you”, he said and cut off his head in one swift movement.


	18. Chapter 18

Alexander looked at the massacre he made and at the lifeless corpse of his cousin, processing his words over and over again. It couldn’t be true. No one knew where Hephaistion was going… No one except Goran. But the boy looked so innocent. The king was breathing heavily, trying to figure out what to do now because standing there obviously wasn’t helping with anything. But the thought of Hephaistion being dead made him unable to do anything. He was just frozen in the spot, trying to calm himself down.   
“Phai…”, he whispered to the empty hall. “No”, he growled and angrily went to the stable, telling one of the servants that during his absence his mother would have all the power. Now he had more important things to do than taking care of his responsibilities as a king. Besides, he was sure that Olympias would watch over everything. There was just no way that Hephaistion was dead. Alexander refused to believe that as he was hustling Bucephalus through the night. He would have to see Phai’s dead body to believe that his beloved lover truly did not belong to this world anymore. 

Her cuteness was overwhelming. Big blue eyes, chubby rosy cheeks and brown hair that was falling in cute little curls into her face. She was clearly coming after his mother and therefore after him.  
Hephaistion couldn't stop looking at her, touching her adorable face and laughing when she tried to grab his finger which he just used to playfully – and tenderly – stab her in the stomach.  
Her giggling was contagious and the way her eyes sparkled whenever she laughed... Hephaistion was drunk with love.  
„Mother“, he said, completely in awe, „Zora is beautiful, just like you.“  
They were sitting outside of their small house under a tree, enjoying the cooling shadows and hiding from the hot sun that was burning down on them since morning.  
Goran and Hephaistion reached the latter's home a few days ago in the evening, the sun already made room for the moon which was spending light when they sat off their horses' backs and brought them to the small stable at the back of the house, before Hephaistion nearly fell to the ground because he tried to get to the door as fast as possible.  
His mother first looked in confusion at him, clearly not able to get where he came from, all of a sudden. She stood in front of him, the door still in her hands, and an uncomfortable silence grew between them, but when Hephaistion shifted his weight from one leg to the other, relieving the pressure of his hurt side which burned like hell after the long riding, and opened his mouth to say a shy _mother_ with a little smile on his lips, she literally burst out into tears and hugged him so tightly that he thought she would crush his bones. And then she started crying. Between muffled sobs he could make out some words, like _thank god_ , _finally_ and _my beloved son_.   
Hephaistion embraced her back, inhaling the scent of home – and he felt happy for the first time in days.  
His mother smiled at him and stood up, brushing the dust off of her clothes before she slightly petted his head.   
„I need to go prepare dinner now. Enjoy the weather, the two of you.“ Goran blushed at her words, feeling kind of uncomfortable to be addressed directly like that without any doubt.  
„She likes you“, Hephaistion said, nodding in her direction before placing a kiss on Zora's nose, which made her giggle.  
„Yeah... I... I am glad about that“, he stuttered and looked at Hephaistion, but not directly in his eyes. Wondering what could be wrong with the boy, he reached for a grape and put it into his mouth, leaning back against the tree, rocking his little sister on his knees.  
Gladfully, Leander wasn't at home. Two days ago, his mother sent him away to buy new materials for their home since she was an enthused sewer. One problem less he had to worry about, at least for now. Hephaistion still had no idea how to face him after everything that happened, but he wouldn't be back for another few days, so...  
He sighed and was aware of Goran looking at him, an suspicious look on his face.   
Lazily, he reached for the cup of wine – to be honest, it was more water than wine, the work of his mother who nearly got a heart attack after she saw his patched up side – and held it in his hands.  
„Goran“, he said with a calm voice, observing the boy who was behaving in a strange way ever since they left the palace.  
„Would you like to tell me what's wrong with you?“

It took Alexander the whole night and half of the next day to finally get to the village that belonged to Hephaistion’s family. It was just as his friend described it. Beautiful, peaceful place but Alexander didn’t have time to admire the sight. He didn’t even have time to clean himself a little even though the old blood was already dry and felt unpleasant on his skin.   
But then, he finally he saw a small, white house and made Bucephalus gallop even faster so he got there just in time to see Goran pulling off a knife from his robe when Hephaistion turned his back on him. Alexander nearly cried happy tears of relief when he saw his Phai being all safe and sound but this happiness only lasted for a few short seconds because he still was too damn far to save him from this fucking servant boy. “Phai!”, he screamed at the top of his lungs, pulling off his own sword. “Behind you!”, he yelled, hoping that Hephaistion would dodge the attack. 

Hephaistion's heart felt like seconds from bursting from all the love he felt right now. He couldn't even think about leaving home again to return to the palace – and here he tried his best not to think of Alexander but it made his heart clench painfully anyways – and leave his mother and sister behind. He couldn't leave them, especially not Zora, whom he now carefully put down on the soft blanket she always slept with, according to their mother. She yawned, forming her tiny mouth to an adorable perfect _o_ and shut her eyes, her small hands balled into fists.  
That was the moment he heard Alexander's voice, shouting his name. His eyes still focused on his sister, Hephaistion blinked in confusion, slightly shaking his head. What the hell was that? Was he already hallucinating? It was impossible that Alexander would be here... no. His mind was playing tricks on him. He straightened his back, smilling at Zora who was slowly dozing off, before his whole body stiffened when he felt a movement behind his back.  
Hearing Alexander's voice again, he whipped around, just in time to catch Goran's wrist with one of his hands. Shocked, Hephaistion looked from the knife in Goran's hand to the boy's face and hissed in pain, when he had to draw aside because the boy ripped his hand out of his grip. The sudden movements made his side hurt and he took a deep breath while he drew aside again, the knife missing his face by a narrow margin.   
„Goran!“, he bawled, catching his wrist again and turning his arm on his back and pushing upwards until the boy gasped for air.  
„What the hell is wrong with you?!“ He pushed at his wrist until Goran let go of the knife, the blade falling into the grass with a soft thud. His own heart was pounding madly in his chest, betrayal fogging his mind. What happened here? Why did Goran attack him? Pressing his hand just a bit stronger, Hephaistion shook his head and turned it then into Alexander's direction, who finally approached them now and was getting off Bucephalus' back, a horrified expression on his face.  
While he was looking at the king, pure shock written on his face, Goran started to sob uncontrollable.  
„I am sorry, Phai“, he sniffled, „I didn't want to, I – I“ His sobs were heart breaking and made his body shudder that badly that Hephaistion couldn't understand a single word.  
„Why?“, was the only thing he could ask before his eyes met Alexander's.

Alexander jumped off Bucephalus’ back before the horse even tried to slow down. He was so thankful that Hephaistion managed to stop Goran. Well, he knew that Phai was his best soldier and he shouldn’t be surprised by his graceful movements even when he was still wounded. But it was such a relief that he was alright. Alexander felt like a big weight was taken off of his shoulders when he looked into Hephaistion’s eyes.   
“You’re fine”, he breathed out, still not in the right state of mind to believe his eyes. “You’re alright.” Alexander almost forgot about Goran when he was getting lost in Phai’s beautiful, blue irises but the boy’s sobs pulled him out of his thoughts and he almost immediately felt his blood boiling in his veins. He wanted to kill that boy for trying to take Hephaistion’s life because there was no justification for what Goran tried to do. But still, Alexander didn’t want Phai to hate him even more so he tucked his sword back to his belt and turned the boy over to face him. He really must have looked like a demon from hell with all this blood on his face and body because the boy screamed and sobbed even harder, making Alexander roll his eyes.   
“Why did you try to kill Hephaistion?”, he asked with authority in his voice, wanting some explanation because he couldn’t see even one single reason why a servant boy would try to kill someone like Phai. 

Confusion was written all over Hephaistion's face. He still couldn't believe what just happened. The only thing he managed was letting go of Goran, when Alexander turned him around, then he took a step back and knelt down besides Zora who started crying because of the noise that woke her up out of her short slumber. With numb fingers, he reached for her and took her in his arms, rocking her softly until her crying died out.  
„I... what happened here?“, he asked, his voice slightly shaking when he fully took Alexander's appearance in. He was fully covered in blood and looked exhausted and the weary expression on his face made clear that he had a clue what was going on. He stared at Goran who was now crying even harder as he sunk down on his knees, digging his fingers into the ground.  
„I had no... no choice... he... he threatened to kill my – my family!“, the boy got out between his sniveling.  
Hephaistion looked at Alexander in confusion, his heart was beating furiously now.  
„Who...?“, he asked, taking a step away. Goran got extorted and therefore... he had to kill him? But why?  
„Why would you have to kill me? Goran?“ But the boy wasn't able to give him a proper answer. Instead of talking, he muffled his crying by hiding his face in his arms, making himself smaller and smaller the longer Alexander stared at him.  
„Why are you here?“, Hephaistion asked the king, insecurity in his voice. „How did you know?“

“It’s a long story but a lot of people would rather see themselves on the throne than me so they thought that it would be a good idea to get rid of me and also of my beloved one”, Alexander sighed heavily and looked back at Hephaistion. His lover, despite everything that had happened, still looked so beautiful with a baby in his arms and Alexander would give up everything so this child would be his and Hephaistion's even though he knew that it was biologically impossible. The resemblance between Phai and the baby girl made Alexander’s heart melt. It was just a perfect sight and he could just spend the entire day looking at them. But it probably was too late to even have Phai for himself so considering the two of them having a child was a really stupid thought. Still, it didn’t made Alexander crave for it any less.   
“I should kill him right away”, he said in a calm voice but it made Goran cry even harder. “But I will leave this decision up to you, Hephaistion. You can do whatever you want. I won't stand against your will.” 

Of course. Why didn't he think earlier of this? It was obvious that there were many people who envied Alexander of his throne but going that far and trying to kill him? And even _him_ , Hephaistion? The latter swallowed hard and looked from Alexander over to Goran, shaking his head.  
„I can't decide this, I... for god's sake.“  
He turned around and clutched Zora tighter to his chest, as if the little girl was his only anchor to keep him sane. And who knew, maybe she was; with Goran, whom he trusted and got betrayed from... and Alexander...  
A heavy sigh left Hephaistion's body and he felt himself shudder along with it. „What happened to the others?“, he asked then, without looking at Alexander's bloody shape. It was obvious that he was alright and didn't get hurt, but did he kill all the others? Did he get rid of them or did he spare them?  
Thinking about Alexander killing someone made him shiver even harder and he squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, before he turned around again and looked at the king, then at Goran whose eyes were lying on him now, a hopeful look in them.  
But he couldn't trust him anymore, not after what he did. That's why he said those last thoughts out loud.  
„But I know what family means to you, Goran. I think I would have done the same. But I can't... trust you anymore. Killing you isn't an option, either.“  
Torn between wanting to run away and stay close to Alexander, Hephaistion didn't know what to do. He wouldn't dare to kill a boy, ever. Even if he tried to do so only minutes ago, but Hephaistion really could understand him. He was nothing, at least for the boy, and if he thought about someone threatening to kill his family... or even Alexander...  
„Go“, he said, lowering his eyes, not looking at the boy anymore. „And never come back.“

Alexander looked at the poor boy and shook his head. “Go and find your family”, he said, throwing him a pouch full of gold money. At least he could do this. “Hephaistion…”, he started carefully, not moving from his spot. He didn’t want to make Phai even more uncomfortable. “I needed to kill them, I didn’t have any other choice. And he… Amyntas… he said that he killed you. Well, almost. But it was close”, he sighed and wiped his face a little, knowing that this probably would only make the mess on his face even worse. “I’m happy that you are alright but I think it’s not safe here. My opponents won’t back off just because of a baby. Both of you are not safe here.” Alexander looked at his friend, wanting to just hug him and make sure that he would be safe for the rest of his life but he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to do so anymore. 

Alexander's words made Hephaistion clutch his sister only tighter. Looking down at her, at the soft curls covering her face now, the thought of her getting hurt broke his heart. He couldn't let this happen.  
„I... obviously I am okay“, he said after a while, not able to look Alexander in the eyes anymore. Not after their separation, the way Hephaistion left him. It made his heart clench in pain.  
„If you say it's not safe here“, he started with incertitude in his voice, „where should we go? I don't want my family to get hurt. And I won't be able to protect them, not like this.“  
He made a move with his free arm, pointing at his body. And it was true. He was too weak to do anything. Although he decided to leave, it made his decision shake to stand in front of Alexander who was looking at him with those eyes – Hephaistion ripped his gaze off him and looked at the ground instead, telling himself not to falter now. He made his decision, now he had to stick with it... „I can't protect them“, he repeated to get rid of his thoughts.

Alexander almost didn’t know what to do with himself at the thought that he could be having Hephaistion back at his side. It was really hard for him to not touch him right now. “There is no safe place now. And there won’t be for a while but in the palace, there are a lot of guards that can protect your family”, he said carefully, taking a step forward. The urge to be close to Hephaistion was getting stronger and stronger. He hadn’t seen him for a whole week by now and he missed him so much. “I know that you don’t want to go back there but I promise you that you will be free to go as soon as I will get rid of all of my opponents”, he said softly and smiled when Zora looked at him with her big blue eyes that were the same as Hephaistion’s. 

At Alexander's voice, Hephaistion could feel how he got nervous. Going back to the palace? With his family, together? Side eyeing him, he kissed Zora on the head and turned around, facing the house, the opposite direction Goran ran away. Didn't Alexander read his letter? Didn't he find it? He thought he said clearly that he wanted to give space to Alexander so that the other wouldn't have to worry about him anymore and would be able to fully concentrate on his duties as a king now. Sighing, Hephaistion shrugged and looked back to Alexander, who was following him now to the house.   
"You need to wash the blood off of you", he murmured and shuddered, suddenly thinking of Goran and the relieved look on his face because he wouldn't get killed. They reached the house and when his mother saw the king in his bloody clothes, his face covered in even more blood, she let out a horrified gasp. Leading him the way to the bathroom without saying a single word, the two of them disappeared and Hephaistion found himself standing in the middle of the room, Zora faintly snoring in his arms. "Going back to the palace...", he whispered to himself when he heard the faint voices of his mother and Alexander behind the closed door. Going back to the palace with his _whole_ family... it included Leander as well. He swallowed hard and shook his head at the thought of it. This wasn't in his interests anymore. Alexander was free now - he always had been - and it totally wasn't his business anymore with who the king interacted, and since he was obviously interested in his brother.. 

Alexander easily agreed to get washed. Dried blood didn’t feel particularly good on his skin and he wanted to get rid of it as soon as possible. He even let Hephaition’s mother take care of his clothes. Well, he actually didn’t stand a chance against this lovely but bossy woman. Now he knew from who Hephaistion inherited his beauty and stubborn character. When he was back in the main room, Phai was lulling his little sister to sleep, making Alexander’s longing grow even more. “So…”, he started, unsure about what he should say in this uneasy situation. “Did you make up your mind, Hephaistion?”, he asked quietly, looking at Zora who was still fighting the sleep, even though her eyelids were already half closed. She really looked like a beautiful angel to Alexander. “I can’t stay here for long so I need to know what you are planning to do, Hephaistion, so I can think about the best way to protect you”, he murmured quietly, not wanting to wake the baby from her slumber. 

Alexander's voice was calm and quiet and made Hephaistion immediately turn around. He looked at the king, his handsome face and big brown eyes full of concern, completely freed now from all the blood that was covering it before. He looked quite a long time in his eyes, thinking about what to do now. The best solution was to go back to the palace but he had no clue if his mother would agree to leave the house... but if he explained the situation to her...  
When Zora finally fell asleep, he gently put her down in her small bed and leaned against it, after he turned around to face Alexander again, a healthy distance between the two of them – but he didn't feel good about it, at all.  
„I don't.... want to go back“, he said carefully, thinking about every single word before he said it out loud, „but if it's really that dangerous... we have to wait until Leander will return. We can't leave him behind, not knowing what happened.“  
Having an uneasy feeling in his chest, he looked away and caressed Zora's cheek which made her smile in her innocent dreams. 

Alexander nodded, not really expecting any other answer. Hephaistion made it clear in his letter that what they had was over. But it didn’t make it hurt any less. “I know, Hephaistion”, he said, looking at sleeping Zora and wondering if Phai’s daughter would look like this. “I don’t want to force you into this but I am concerned about yours and your family's well being. In the palace, you don’t even have to see me at all if that is your wish but I want to be sure that you are safe.”   
The space between them wasn’t very huge. Small, actually, but Alexander felt like there was a precipice in the room, preventing them from coming too close to each other and he didn’t like it at all. In the palace he was lonely but here he felt even more alone when Phai was making it clear that he didn’t even want to look at him. He should have seen that coming but he still wished that maybe Hephaistion would change his mind. “Of course we would wait for your brother. I can stay here for a little longer to make sure that you are all safe.”

Hephaistion wanted to scream in his face, wanted to bury himself in the arms of Alexander, to cling onto him and feel safe again, his heart ached for the other man and it was literally tearing him apart that he couldn't touch him, that he couldn't tell him how he felt. His face was blank, not showing any of those emotions that were squalling inside of him.  
 _It's not my wish, my wish is to be everything you need and care for_ , he wanted to say but instead of opening his mouth and doing so, he remained silent, only nodding at his words.  
Wondering were his mother could be, surely she was taking care of Alexander's clothes who was now standing in front of him with foreign ones covering his body, surely Leander's, he crossed his arms in front of his chest, only to keep his fingers from tingling from all the oppressed want towards the other man.  
„Do you need something?“, he asked, finally finding the courage to look at Alexander again. „Are you hungry? I bet you are.“

“Phai…”, Alexander said softly, noticing that there was something wrong with the other. He knew him too well to know when Hephaistion was trying to hide something. He took a step forward, watching carefully every small movement Hephaistion was making. “Tell me what’s wrong. Are you still thinking about that boy?” Alexander took another step towards him and put his hand on Hephaition’s shoulder. “I can promise you that I will never let anyone hurt you”, he practically whispered, looking into those blue irises that he loved so much. He wanted to say so much more, beg Hephaistion for his forgiveness but he didn’t want to scare him away. Alexander knew that now he was walking on really thin ice and every bad move could make Hephaistion change his mind about staying in the palace for a while. 

Even though his skin was covered where Alexander touched him, Hephaistion felt as if it burned a hole through the fabric into his skin. He lowered his gaze and closed his eyes for a second and swallowed, his body stiffening a bit.  
 _Yeah, anyone except for you..._ , he thought while he forced a smile on his lips.  
„You are...“, he started before he could think better of it in the last seconds before it was too late and it would have been too late to take his words back.  
„Yes...“, he said instead, shrugging slightly his shoulders. „I can't think of anything else, how should I? He tried to killed me... after I stood up for him. I trusted him.“  
Hephaistion took a deep breath and looked at the floor, shrugging again.  
„But apparently I am not able to trust the right people.“

Alexander blinked and immediately took his hand off of Hephaistion’s shoulder as if the contact with the other’s body burned him. “Yeah. I guess so”, he muttered with an inert voice. Apparently Phai still was regretting trusting Alexander. Well, the king couldn’t blame him for that. “Don’t think about him anymore. You need to take care of your little sister. Leave the rest to me.” Alexander straightened his back and turned to the door. “I am going to take Bucephalus to the stable now so I won’t be too far from the house. Just in case if you will need me”, he said and walked out of the room without another word.


	19. Chapter 19

It was later in the evening, when they were all sitting at the table, his mother on the other side of the table, while Alexander sat next to him. Zora was happily bouncing on his knees.  
The food which his mother made earlier smelled delicious and by the growling of Alexander's stomach, he could tell that the other was indeed very hungry.  
Both of them haven't spoken for the rest of the day since the king left him alone in the house before Hephaistion could even _think_ of saying a word. It hurt his feelings but he needed to learn to live without Alexander as soon as possible because obviously, this was the way things would work between them from now on...  
Sighing, Hephaistion looked up from his sister and observed his mother who placed the last dishes on the table.  
„Would you mind holding her for a second?“, he suddenly asked with a raspy voice and didn't even wait for Alexander's reply before he gently sat Zora down on Alexander's lap, patiently waiting for him to close his arms around the girl so that she wouldn't fall.  
Hephaistion tried his best not to think about how mesmerizing the king looked with a child and how bad he wished it could be their daughter.  
He cleared his throat and stood up, causing the chair to rattle across the floor. Without looking at anyone in particular, he started to heap food up on everyone's dishes, remaining silent and ignoring the suspicious looks his mother was giving him. She clearly wanted to say something about his strange behaviour, but thank god she kept her mouth shout and continued staring alternating at him and Alexander.

Alexander’s face immediately brightened with a smile when Hephaistion put Zora on his lap. The baby girl was lovely and he couldn’t fight against her charm. And she was tiny, so fragile that Alexander feared that he would break her with the lightest movement but apparently he was doing fine so far because Zora was giving him a cute, toothless smile. All day long he had been immersed in not very happy thoughts but the girl made him happy in an instant. So far, only Hephaistion was able to do that.   
“You’re such a lovely princess, Zora”, he cooed. He couldn’t help himself. The girl already had him at the palm of her hand. “Yes, you are”, he smiled when Zora laughed at him, trying to catch the ring on his finger, the one that Hephaistion gave him. “You like it? Your brother gave it to me. It’s beautiful.” He allowed Zora to put her chubby little fingers on the ring and smiled when the girl inspected it closely, babbling something happily. 

It wasn't his fault. It really wasn't his fault that the bowl with the steaming hot food fell out of his hands when Alexander opened his goddamn mouth. With a loud thud, it made contact with the hard surface of the table, a thin crack running its way through the argil.  
He shot an angry glare towards Alexander, only for a second, before he gritted his teeth and looked with an apologetic smile at his mother.  
How could he say something like that when things between them where that nasty?  
„I am sorry, mother... it just slipped out of my hands. I think I am still a bit enervated.“ Hephaistion immediately regretted his words when his mother's eyebrows shot up. Her look was more than suspicious now and he _knew_ she would want to talk to him as soon as they finished eating.   
Shit.  
Knowing his mother too well, he knew that he wouldn't be able to keep any secrets from her. Without saying another word, he sat down again and started to stuff the food into his mouth, looking straight on his plate.

“Are you alright, Phai?”, Alexander asked with concern in his voice, watching his former friend carefully. It was actually pretty clear that there was something wrong and with every passing minute the atmosphere around the table was tensing and now it started to be really unpleasant. “Can I talk to you? Just you and me if your mother would excuse us”, he said while rocking Zora on his lap. He didn’t want to let go of the baby in his arms but the need to make Hephaistion feel better was overwhelming. The things between them might not be the same but he was still loving Phai with all his heart and seeing his former lover in such a bad mental state was making Alexander really worried. 

Hephaistion shot a pleading glare towards his mother, begging her with his eyes to stay, because he simply couldn't stand the idea to be alone with Alexander, but she stood up, hiding her smug grin wisely behind a mask only he could read, before she nodded and smiled at Alexander.  
„Of course, I will just enjoy the warm air outside... may I?“  
She stood up and came around the table, patting Hephaistion slightly on his shoulder before she took Zora up in her arms, kissing the small head.  
„Just call me, if you will need something.“  
Hephaistion looked after her, his fists clenched into his clothes while he worried his lips. She was such a beast. She totally did it on purpose! But it was too late now, he literally could feel Alexander's eyes on him.  
„I am fine“, he said, looking down at his hands and examining his palms.  
„Is something wrong? Don't you feel comfortable? Is my mother not behaving right towards you?“ He sincerely hoped that Alexander wouldn't get that he tried to avoid the topic but he nearly was sure that it had no use at all.

Alexander kissed Zora’s forehead and with a heavy heart, he gave her back to her mother. The girl was lovely and he wished to be able to play with her for the whole day. “Don’t try to change the topic, Phai. I know you too well to not to fall for your games”, he said softly, watching as Hephaistion visibly tensed after his mother left. Was he really so uncomfortable around Alexander? “And I know that it’s because of me. I have read your letter and I know that it was your wish to not to see me ever again but fate seems to constantly push us towards each other”, he smiled and grabbed Hephaistion’s hand, wanting to see if the other would reject him. “But am I really such a burden to you?” 

„It's the other way around.“  
When he felt Alexander's fingers around his hand, Hephaistion turned around and faced the other, his face completely blank. His touch was burning like fire on his skin and even though his first sheen was to pull his hand out of the other's grip, he didn't. He just looked at the other's face in silence, trying to save the image in his memory. If he really went through with everything like he planned, he definitely would need it.  
„You said you read my letter“, Hephaistion continued, his voice not showing any of the conflict that was battling inside of him.  
„If you really did, you would know why I left. This is not about you being a burden to me. You are the king now, Alexander. There is no room for me anymore. You have to lead your people now, you have duties to fulfill.“  
He took a deep breath and looked at their connected hands, rubbing his thumb over the ring on his finger.  
„And who am I, Alexander, to stand in your way. As you said yourself, I am hilarious – I am not worth it to stand by your side, not anymore.“

“You always misinterpret everything I do or say. You think that you are useless to me no matter how many times I say that I need you like air”, he sighed and lightly kissed Hephaistion’s hand. He was happy that the other didn’t reject him but it still wasn’t a proof that Phai didn’t want to. “And so what if I am the king? Am I not your Alexander anymore?”, he asked quietly, looking at their joined hands. “Even a king can be lonely, Hephaistion. And in my heart, there is only place for you so I guess that I will be lonely for the rest of my life. But that doesn’t matter because when you really love someone you should let them go if that would make them happy.” Alexander smiled a small, sad smile and looked into Hephaistion’s eyes. “You are the only one that I want by my side but I want you to choose your own path on which you will find happiness, Phai.” 

„My only purpose is to make you happy. It always was and always will be.“  
Hephaistion could feel the tears that started to build in his eyes. Ashamed of his weakness that he showed in front of the king once again, he turned his head away and looked at the floor.  
He knew that Alexander loved him, but the more time passed, the more he understood that they weren't meant to be. He couldn't stay by his side forever, he knew it.  
„I am your weakness, Alexander“, he said after he tried to collect himself. „And the fact that you're here now is the proof. You came here all alone, not even bringing guards with you and you risked your life so easily. You shouldn't be so reckless.“

“I would even die for you, my Phai”, he said softly and gently petted Hephaistion’s head. “I don’t think that’s a weakness. Your love helped me many times when I thought that I was just a useless prince. And I was so happy to have you by my side.” Alexander let go of Hephaistion’s hand and immediately missed the touch. “I know that my words don’t mean anything to you anymore but I really love you, Phai, and I always will”, he said softly, trying not to show how much he really loved Hephaistion because what he truly wanted now was to kiss him and take him back to the palace, right where he belonged at Alexander’s side. 

„That's not true“, Hephaistion immediately said and shook his head. He lifted his hand and touched his forehead, slightly rubbing his skin. His head began to hurt and he couldn't think of a way to tell Alexander how he truly felt and what he meant. Obviously he wasn't able to do so.  
He sighed and grunted frustrated, grabbing a fistful of his hair before he turned around, facing the window.   
„They do mean a lot to me. You should now this.“  
He bowed his head and hid his eyes behind a hand before he sat down on a chair, legs spread, elbows propped up on his knees.  
„It's late“, he murmured, slightly smiling when he heard Zora's frustrated babbling from one of the other rooms. Apparently his mother wanted to lay her to sleep but the little stubborn girl didn't want to and made a fuss about it.  
„Let's go to sleep and talk tomorrow about how we should... continue. You can sleep in my room.“  
He stood up and looked at Alexander's face and nodded. „It's the room at your right side. Just... make yourself comfortable. Good night, Alexander.“  
With a last look in his eyes, he got out of the house and went to the stable to look after the horses after he wished his mother a good night as well.  
Maybe he would be able to think of some solution tomorrow.

# ~*~

Alexander lied awake in Hephaistion’s bed, surrounded by his sweet scent that wasn’t allowing him to finally fall asleep. Besides, he couldn’t take his mind off of Hephaistion so it was useless to even try to pretend that every cell in his body wasn’t missing his former lover. Finally he gave up on his poor tries on falling asleep and rose up from the bed, needing some fresh air to clear his head. It must have been really late because it was so dark that it took him a few minutes to get used to the darkness and even then he had troubles finding a way through the house.   
All the things here were unfamiliar to him so Alexander really had no clue how to get outside. Eventually, he needed to admit that he was completely lost. He had no clue in which part of the house he was right now and he also didn’t know how to go back to his temporary room. Alexander sighed heavily and looked around, trying to find some candle or something familiar to recognize this hall but he stopped in his tracks when he heard some muffled sobs coming from the room by which he was standing right now. And it suspiciously sounded like Hephaistion. Phai’s mother or sister for sure didn’t have voices like that so Alexander was sure that the sounds must have belonged to his friend. The king could felt his heart beating faster. What if Hephaistion was in pain? Maybe his stitches ripped off? Or maybe he was just upset because of Alexander? “Phai?” Without a second thought he came into the room, trying to see something inside.   
“Are you alri…?” He stopped abruptly in his tracks when a heavy scent of sex hit him, making something animalistic waking up inside of him. 

Hephaistion rolled around in his bed, not able to fall asleep. It had to be in the middle of the night, since he was lying here at least for two hours now. Alexander was on his mind for the whole time now, every time he closed his eyes the handsome face appeared in front of him. Those deep brown eyes looking at him, full with concern. His voice, calling out his name... nearly panting it.  
Hephaistion's eyes snapped open in an instant and he stared in front of him, feeling how his heart started beating faster.  
Alexander.  
Biting his lips, he tried to recall the moments earlier when he was touching him, holding his hand. His warm fingers on his shoulder, squeezing him... He hadn't seen him in a while, hadn't touched him even longer and he was slowly losing his mind. Somehow feeling guilty – since it was his mother's house he was in – he slipped his hand underneath the blanket that was covering him up to his waist, his upper part of the body was bare while he wore light cotton pants under which his fingers were touching his hot skin now.  
His breath came shorter now as he touched his half hard cock that was quickly growing hard in his hand under his stroking touches.  
„Fuck“, he muttered, closing his eyes when he felt how his whole body went hot. Alexander's face still in front of him, he thought of the time the two of them were together.  
His cock twitched in excitement at the thought of Alexander, fucking him deep and impassionate, panting filthy things into his ear.  
„Alexander“, he moaned quietly, thrusting his hips up, tightening his grip around his cock, the sweet friction nearly killing him. He managed to thrust three times into his fist, before he literally jumped when he heard a voice at the door.  
„For fuck's sake“, he hissed, grabbing furiously for the blanket and covering his body with it like a school girl.  
„Can't you knock at the door?“ His face felt hot like it never had felt before and his heart was beating madly in his chest. Trying not to think about his throbbing cock, Hephaistion backed against the wall and stared through the darkness where he could faintly see Alexander's shape.

For a few seconds, Alexander just stood there like an idiot, trying to process everything. Hephaistion was masturbating while thinking of Alexander. He was even moaning his name. It was really unbelievable but apparently his dick didn’t have any problems with believing it because it was already half hard in his pants.   
“You lied to me, Phai”, Alexander purred when his instincts finally took over him and his body was under the command of his dick. Even if Hephaistion wanted to get rid of Alexander he still loved him. Or at least was still attracted to him sexually. “You said that you don’t want me anymore, my Phai”, he said as he slowly made his way towards the bed, moving like a predator who was about to catch his prey. “But it seems that I am not the only one who can’t forget about what we had.” In a second, he was on the bed, pinning Hephaistion to the soft mattress with his body. He looked into Phai’s eyes, now visible thanks to their closeness and slowly licked his lips. Hephaistion smelled like sex and it was making Alexander drunk with desire. “Tell me that you don’t want me, Phai, and I will go”, he said in a husky voice, brushed their lips together and rolled his hips against Hephaistion’s, feeling his hardness. 

_Shit. Shitshitshitshitshit._  
Hephaistion repeated that single word over and over in his head and his mantra got faster the more Alexander approached him. He couldn't deny that it left him sitting there totally aroused, the way he was piercing him with his eyes.  
Instinctively, he pulled the blanket up his body before the king reached the bed, but he couldn't stop the moan that was escaping his throat when he finally felt Alexander's weight on top of him again.  
He closed his eyes and tried to breathe regularly, but the warmth of the other body on top of him made it impossible. What could he say, he was a young man after all...  
„I never said I didn't want you anymore“, he whispered when Alexander's lips faintly brushed his, looking him in the eyes.  
He never did. He wanted him all the time, has wanted him for many, many years now and he would love him until the end of time, even beyond his death.  
„I just“, he panted open mouthed after he grabbed Alexander's ass and pulled him closer to him, spreading his legs so that he could lie down in a more comfortable way, „want what's best for you, you know that.“  
And the best was to get rid of Hephaistion, but Alexander didn't get it. The boy didn't know if he just couldn't get a hold of the idea or if he simply didn't want to. But now wasn't the time to think about it. He embarrassed himself anyways and now he could go with it, at least Alexander didn't leave after catching him red handed.   
Now it was time to be a little selfish.  
„I will always want you.“ 

Alexander smiled and kissed Hephaistion, licking into his mouth and taking his breath away. He didn’t need any other encouragement. Phai’s words were enough for him to start moving his hips, making both of them moan into each other’s mouths. “I want you, too, my beautiful Phai”, he murmured into his lover’s ear, taking off the covers and throwing them into the corner of the room. It was quickly followed by Hephaistion’s pants. “I missed you every single night”, he sighed, running his hands over his friend’s body. Phai was truly beautiful and sexy when he was bending himself under Alexander’s touch. Even the scar across his side was adding him charm. How should he ever forget about him? They were obviously meant to be toghther.   
“I won’t let you go this time.” Alexander kissed him again and took his lover’s cock into his hand, giving it a few lazy strokes. “And I will take you back to the palace with me”, he promised, kissing and nipping at Hephaistion’s soft neck. 

„You have too many clothes on“, Hephaistion murmured and undressed Alexander with a few movements of his hand and sighed relieved when he felt his skin on his own. Tracing invisible lines up and down the other's sides with his fingers, he leaned into the kiss, biting Alexander's lip teasingly. He enjoyed how the other was reacting to him, as goosebumps started to cover his body.  
„I hope you won't let me...“, he whispered and tilted his head, licking and biting his way down Alexander's jawline, then his throat until he nipped at his skin until it was bruised. Alexander didn't have a single mark left on his body, way too many time passed since their last intimate time together and Hephaistion wanted to change that desperately. He would refresh his hickeys before they disappeared, he decided. Alexander would have to live with him from now on if he didn't know by himself what was good for him.   
Hephaistion did warn him but if he didn't want to accept that, he had to live with the consequences.  
„But what if I don't want to go with you?“, he asked teasingly, trailing a way down Alexander's stomach with one of his hands.

Alexander growled low in his chest and pressed Hephaistion harder to the mattress. He didn’t even want to think about going back without his lover. “I would just kidnap you and make you my husband so you will never run away from me, ever again”, he said in a serious voice, pressing their hard cocks together. He loved the friction but soon he got bored. It was just not enough but he didn’t want to push the limits.   
Not tonight, anyways, because tonight was all about Hephaistion and his pleasure. So the king kissed his lover for the last time before lowering himself between Hephaistion’s strong thighs. Alexander licked his dry lips and then slowly his lover’s manhood, receiving a loud moan. A mischievous smile formed on his lips and he took Hephaistion’s cock into his mouth, sucking him passionately. He tasted just the way he remembered even though he tasted him just one time before. But the few moments they shared together were enough to make Alexander addicted to Hephaistion. 

Hephaistion couldn't believe they were seriously doing this. Not only because of the tense atmosphere that dominated their relationship earlier, but because they were doing this in his mother's house. It shouldn't be a big deal, but he really didn't want his mother to know what Alexander and he shared. He didn't know why, at least not exactly, but he tried his best to muffle his moans by biting down on his lips.  
Feeling Alexander's hot mouth around his cock, his wet tongue doing amazing things to him, it was pretty hard to remain silent, but he couldn't let his pleasure out the way he wanted to.  
Just the thought of his mother hearing them was terryfing. Blocking her out of his thoughts by concentrating on Alexander, he lifted one of his hands up to his mouth, pressing it on his lips, while he buried his other hand in Alexander's hair, slightly tugging at it. After a little while, Hephaistion started to shallowly thrust his hips upwards, not being able to control himself anymore.  
„Alexander“, he panted, thinking about his previous words before. He pulled him up by his hair, forcing to let go of his cock and Hephaistion nearly came only to the sounds Alexander was making.  
When he finally got him where he wanted him, face to face, Hephaistion licked his own pre come off of Alexander's lips, and kissed him passionately.  
„I do“, he whispered when he let go of his lips, looking him in the eyes. „I do.“

Alexander let go of Hepahaistion’s dick with a wet, obscene sound, slightly annoyed that Phai didn’t let him finish. He really wanted to taste him. Just once would be enough but apparently his lover had something else in his mind.   
The king smiled widely when he heard his lover’s words. It made him so happy beyond belief. So after all Hephaistion still loved him enough to go back to him and fill the void in his heart. “You are mine now”, he said between passionate kisses. “And I am going to marry you when we get back to the palace.” Alexander took both of their dicks in his hand and started rubbing them off together, moaning into Hephaistion’s mouth. He didn’t care if Phai’s mother would hear them because soon, it would be very obvious that they shared something more than just friendship. Just the thought of Hephaistion being all his was making Alexander thrust into his hand harder and he could already feel the orgasm building up in his stomach.   
“Come for me, Phai” ,he commanded, marking his lover’s neck with bites and hickeys. 

All of his lust which built itself all these long days he hadn't touched Alexander was burning his body from the inside now. Alexander's words made it even worse, the overwhelming feeling of finally being _home_ again, in his lover's arms, literally fogged his mind. He wasn't able to think straight anymore, but when he heard Alexander moaning loudly, he pressed their lips together, kissing him until he couldn't breathe anymore.  
Wrapping his arms around the king's shoulders, Hephaistion buried his face in the nape of his neck, biting his lips until he could taste blood.  
The friction was too good and feeling how Alexander's cock rubbed against his, made him lose his mind. His orgasm hit him hard, making him throw his head back, his mouth opened in a soundless scream. He tensed, his whole body grew stiff.   
When he got his senses back after mere seconds, he could feel Alexander thrusting frantically against him, until he released himself, covering Hephaistion's stomach with his come, groaning way too loud.  
Exhausted, he slumped back into the pillows, dragging Alexander with him who was now lying on top of him, panting just like him.  
„Yours“, he whispered, not quite sure if the other heard him. But knowing for himself, that things could – and hopefully would – get better now, made a warm feeling tingle inside of his chest, the hope that everything would be alright again. 

Alexander couldn’t take it anymore when Hephaistion came into his hand. He hadn’t touched himself since that accident with Leander so now he was just too sensitive. “Phai!”, he moaned into his lover’s mouth and came hard onto his belly. The overwhelming pleasure that shot through his body nearly made him black out but the feeling of Hephaistion’s arms around his neck brought him back to reality and he carefully collapsed onto his heavy breathing lover.   
“I've missed this so much”, he said after he was finally able to catch his breath. Alexander was gently caressing Phai’s sides, taking special care of his scar and tracing it lightly with his fingertips. He still remembered that Hephaistion was really uncomfortable with it but for Alexander he looked even more beautiful with that scar. Besides, it remembered the king how it was to almost have lost the person he loved the most so he wouldn’t make the same mistake ever again.   
“I love you” he whispered, turning them around slowly so now Hephaistion was lying on top of him. “And I really meant what I said. I want you to come back with me as my fiancé.” Alexander kissed the top of Hephaistion’s head, regretting that it was so dark because he wasn’r able to see even a single emotion on his lover’s face. 

From the place where Alexander's fingers were touching his scar, a faint shiver was building, he could feel it inside of him and how it made him wanting to run away.  
Hephaistion gently caught Alexander's hand with his own, before he found himself rolled around. His skin still tingled were the other touched him and he closed his eyes after he placed his head on Alexander's chest, not facing him. He somehow had to make sure that Alexander wouldn't get to see this scar way too often. He knew that he was behaving childish and stupid beyond everything, but he couldn't help himself.  
He just didn't like it and couldn't bare even thinking about Alexander seeing it.  
But before he could drown himself in self-pity, Alexander's next words made him smile. Turning his head and placing a kiss on his bare chest, Hephaistion looked him in the eyes, propping himself up.  
„I love you, too...“ He leaned over and kissed him faintly on his lips, before his smile grew even wider.  
„As your fiancé?“, he grinned and observed his face with a loving look in his eyes.  
„Wouldn't this make me... your king as well?“

Alexander laughed and nodded his head, glad that he could finally see Hephaistion’s smile. Even in the darkness of the room he couldn’t miss that Phai was practically beaming with happiness. And it was making Alexander happy, too. “Yes, you are my little, beautiful king”, he murmured, mapping Phai’s skin with his fingertips. “What are your wishes, my king?”, he asked playfully, not completely awake to the point that he doubted that he would go to sleep anytime soon.   
“Because I will make your every wish come true”, he whispered into Hephaistion’s ear and gently kissed the side of his head. He was really willing to make Hephaistion’s wishes come true. Phai deserved that after all and Alexander was sure that he would make an amazing king, loved by their people. Maybe together they would be able to finally build an empire from Alexander’s dreams. 

„Think about what you are saying, Alexander“, Hephaistion said, still smiling. Even though Alexander's words were hurting his ego quite a bit, they didn't manage to kill off his smile. He was way too happy about the fact that Alexander still wanted him after all he had done to him. Hephaistion thought that he saw him the last time the night he left the palace with Goran. But happily, that wasn't the case.  
„Oh my god, don't call me like that“, he laughed and hid his face in Alexander's neck, blushing furiously. King? Him as a king? Never. He couldn't even imagine coming back to the palace, finally belonging to Alexander for good. It was beyond his imagination. He always was Alexander's friend and enjoyed a higher reputation than the others, but still... this was too much for him.  
He traced a small scar on Alexander's shoulder with his lips, before kissing it, sighing unburdened.  
„My only wish is to stay by your side forever.“

“I can guarantee you that, my king”, he murmured, already planning their future in his head. He was determined to make the most amazing wedding for Hephaistion but first he needed to take care of all the pretenders to the throne so Phai and his family would be safe in the palace. Just the thought that someone could hurt his soon to be family was making his blood boil. Especially because Zora was so small and powerless but he would make sure that the girl would be safe and happy. “I love your sister, Phai”, Alexander said softly, playing with Hephaistion’s hair. “She looks like you and she is so lovely.” He smiled at the memory of the happy, toothless smile. “I wish she was our daughter…” 

„I'm glad you can“, Hephaistion answered, his voice a bit sluggish due to the weariness that was slowly crawling into both his body and mind.  
Laughing at Alexander's words and nudging him in the side with one of his hands, he shook his head.  
„I know, she is indeed really cute... but wait until she gets hungry... she will turn into a beast, you won't be able to recognize her anymore... and then you'll take those words back very, very fast.“  
He smiled when he thought about his little sister, his heart full of love towards her. Somehow, he was glad that they had to take his whole family to the palace, because this way he wouldn't have to leave her behind. He already grew very fond of her and loved her over all.  
„Who knows, maybe my mother will want to get rid of her as soon she starts to teeth... I can remember her saying that I was such an intolerable brat back then...“, he giggled.  
He closed his eyes and imagining himself with Alexander and a little child made his heart ache with yearning. If it could only come true.

Alexander laughed quietly, trying to imagine Hephaistion as a child. He was for sure adorable with his big, blue eyes that were so full of love and life. And for sure he had a great childhood here not like Alexander who was taught how to be a king since the day he could walk. When he would have a child he was sure that he would not make the same mistakes as his parents and he wouldn’t let his child grow up without its father.   
“We will figure something out”, he promised quietly. They had time so after the wedding they could think about getting a child that could be a heir. But that meant that Alexander would have to marry a woman so he did not want to think about it now when he was lying with Hephaistion in his bed after lovemaking. “But first the wedding. I need to be sure that you will be all mine.” The king stretched a little and covered them both with soft blanket, before he kissed his lover good night and fell asleep soon afterwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank all of you for keeping us motivated with your comments and kudos. You are the best! ♥


	20. Chapter 20

The next morning came way too fast. The sun was shining merciless into the little room Alexander still was lying tangled in the sheets with him. Brooding and moody, because he felt as if he hadn't slept at all, he crawled out of bed and searched for his clothes, examining them before he decided to wash himself first and put new clothes on. He threw a glance back at Alexander and smiled at his sight, his face scrunched from the sleep.  
Feeling like a whole new person after that night, Hephaistion went straight to the bathroom and cleaned himself, wondering how he was able to fall asleep with all the dry come on his stomach. With quite a disgusted pout, he finished his washing and dressed himself in comfortable clothes.  
That was the moment he heard Zora babbling and his mother's joyful laughter. To the noises caused by the two most important women in his life, a deep voice was added and Hephaistion's insides immediately tightened.  
Leander.  
He didn't know how to face his brother, he kind of even panicked in the small bathroom, but he had to go outside and at least greet him.   
Bracing himself by taking a deep breath, Hephaistion straightened his back and huffed. He couldn't behave like that forever, even if it was pretty hard for him to know that Alexander was here as well – and he would see his brother, no matter what. He couldn't do anything about it.  
Forcing those thoughts out of his head, he made his way to the kitchen and found Leander sitting there, playfully throwing Zora in the air and it made him feel incredibly jealous in an instant.  
It was stupid, he knew it, but _he_ wanted to be the only one Zora was looking at like that.  
„Good morning, mother“, he said with a forced smile on his lips and kissed her on the forehead, before nodded into Leander's direction.  
„I can see that you are back.“

Leander was really glad that he finally came back home. The journey had been rather unpleasant because of the hot weather and he had sun burns on his shoulders that hurt like a bitch. But now, in the coolness of the house, he felt like a newborn.   
“I missed you, too, my little princess”, he cooed while playfully throwing Zora in the air. The cute noises the girl was making made Leander relax and he already forgot about the troubles during his trip. During a moment like this he regretted that he preferred men because he wanted to have a cute child like his sister but maybe one day he would impregnate a woman… He shook his head, throwing these thoughts out of his mind. He was too tired now to overanalyze his life. “I hope you were a good girl and didn’t make mommy any problems”, Leander smiled widely when Zora chirped happily and cuddled into his broad chest. It literally made his heart melt but his happiness didn’t last too long when he heard his brother's voice. He didn’t know that Hephaistion was here and they still haven’t sorted out the mess that happened when Leander was in the palace so he was sure that it would be really awkward now.   
“Hey, brother”, he said slowly with a small smile on his lips. “I’m glad to see that you’ve healed. Do you feel better now?”, he asked, standing up with Zora safely tucked in his arms. 

„Actually, I feel a lot better now. Spending some time at home does wonders to anyone's health.“  
Hephaistion leaned against the door frame that led into one of the bed rooms and crossed his arms in front of his chest, as if to protect himself.  
„How was your journey? Did you get everything mother asked you to bring along?“  
He looked at the woman who was staring at both of them now, a slight confusion on his face. Sure, she didn't know what happened between them and Leander didn't told her – why should he – and Hephaistion wouldn't say a word as well.  
But her confusion grew stronger the longer the brothers stood in front of each other, staring at the other's face with insecurity and indisposition wirtten in their own features.  
That's why he crossed the small space he left between them and reached out for Zora, precisely taking her out of Leander's arms, before he gave him a slight one-armed hug, looking into his eyes when they parted again.  
„I hope you are alright.“  
Turning around again, he smiled at Zora who was grinning happily at him, her chubby fingers already burried in his long hair, tugging at it, before she buried her face in it.  
Hephaistion placed her head under his cheek, inhaling her scent, suddenly feeling secure with his little sister in his arms.

“The journey could have been better”, Leander said and shrugged his shoulders, feeling a little unwell when Hephaistion took Zora from his arms. It looked like Phai wanted to have the girl just for himself but Leander didn’t make any comment about this and just returned this half hug. He didn’t know how he should feel about this. Maybe Hephaistion wanted to make things between them better or he just put on a show in front of their mother? Yes, the last was more likely.   
“Are you staying here for longer or did you just want to see Zora?”, he asked, putting a distance between them. It was actually quite unfair that Hephaistion blamed him for literally everything like it was fault that no one kindly told him that Hephaistion was madly in love with the king. But he didn’t want to start a fight in front of their mother even though his brother’s behavior was making him feel really annoyed. 

At Leander's voice, Hephaistion whipped around and looked at him, reluctance written on his face. Right. Leander had no idea about what happened and he didn't know that they had to leave, as soon as possible.  
„I planned to stay longer“, he started while he smiled insecure at him, „because I haven't met Zora yet... and I missed my family. And... I wanted to talk to you.“  
Caressing Zora's cheek when he mentioned her, he took a deep breath and looked in the direction where Alexander was still sleeping.  
„But something happened and that's why I need to leave as soon as possible. Well, not only me. We all have to go.“  
At Leander's obvious confused look, he nodded as if to assure himself. He had to explain things to him, because suddenly, he was afraid his brother wouldn't come with them if he couldn't convince him to do so. And even if they had some deviations, he still loved him and wanted him to be safe.  
„Alexander“, he started, rocking Zora on his arms while looking at Leander, „is the king now, as you know. I left the palace and came here some days ago, along with a boy... Goran. He used to be a servant boy at the palace and I quite liked him.“ A sigh heaved his chest at the memory of the boy and he kept silent for a few seconds.  
„It turned out that he tried to assassinate me... sent by Alexander's relatives who tried to do the same to him. He came after me just in time, before... you know. Now it's not safe here anymore, Alexander says it's not even safe back home until he will take care of everything... but at least it's safer.“  
Hephaistion looked at his mother and back to Leander.  
„That's why we want the three of you to come with us.“

“What?!” In an instant, Leander forgot about his grudges towards Hephaistion when he heard that someone tried to kill his beloved little brother. And to think that Phai was already close to death not so long ago… “Did he hurt you?”, he asked with concern in his voice, watching his brother closely to see if he had any injury. “But why you?” There were so many questions in his head right now. What if this boy killed Hephaistion? He would for sure have killed his whole family then so there wouldn’t have been any witnesses. These thoughts made all of the blood drain from his face.   
“Good morning, everyone.” Alexander came in the room, woken up by Leander’s voice. He was still a little sleepy and tired but felt much better after a few hours of good sleep. His mind was still fogged from the sleep so he didn’t even fully notice Leander. “Hi baby”, he murmured and kissed Hephaistion’s cheek. “Are you ready for the trip back to the palace?” The king yawned and took Zora from his lover’s arms. “How is my princess doing today?” He smiled widely and gently hugged the girl, giving her his rings to play with. “I’m happy to see that you are still together”, Leander muttered under his breath so only Hephaisition would hear. 

Hephaistion shook his head and smiled at the obvious concern Leander had towards him. „No, he didn't. He didn't even want to do this...“  
Thinking about Goran still hurt, he really did feel betrayed... even though he could understand him, he was just disappointed that the boy simply didn't talk to him. If he just said something... they would have been able to figure something out, especially with the help of Alexander. For sure.  
„Why me? Maybe because...“, he started, but got interrupted by Alexander who joined the group with a sleepy smile. Hephaistion immediately felt better and let out the breath he didn't know he held before and relaxed visibly.  
Handing Zora over to him, he took Alexander's sight in and turned around to look at Leander again.  
„I just told my brother what happened... maybe we should just pack our things and eat something before we go?“  
Observing how Alexander treated Zora, literally like a princess, he leaned the slightest bit over to Leander and murmured a _me too_ , before he looked at him again, touching his hand for a second, before he broke the eye contact and turned around to Alexander.  
„What do you think?“

“I think that we all need to move to the palace for now.” Hephaistion’s mother smiled and put fresh bread on the kitchen table. “I can’t even stand the thought that my little girl would get hurt.” - “But what about the house? We can’t leave it just like that. Sooner or later it will be robbed”, Leander said and sat down on the chair and crossed his arms, looking between his brother and Alexander who seemed to be completely charmed by Zora. “I will send some guards here. They will watch over the house during your stay in the palace”, Alexander answered and sat besides Leander, still looking at the baby girl in his arms. She was so tiny and lovely that he really didn’t see anything beside her. “We should leave as soon as possible. I can’t be absent for so long”, he sighed and looked up at Hephaistion. “You don’t need to take a lot. I will provide you everything at the palace.” 

Hephaistion took a slice of bread and started to pick crumbs off of it and stuffing them into his mouth, bit after bit. He wasn't even that hungry. Listening to the others chased away his appetite because he was suddenly aware of the threats again. There could be someone even waiting for them in this moment. Right outside the house. Ready to kill.  
Hephaistion shook his head and pulled a face. For god's sake, he was indeed getting paranoid. This had to stop.  
He got up from the chair, and looked out of the window, before he nodded and went to his room.  
„Okay“, he said the second before he left the kitchen, „I will just pack the most important things.“  
And with those words, he left his family alone, heading for his bedroom.

“He is really troubled with this…”, Leander sighed when his brother left the room. He also was really worried but more for his mother and Zora because they were completely defenseless. “Someone tried to kill him. Of course he is troubled”, his mother said softly and took Zora out of Alexander’s arms. “Go pack your things, Lean”, she added with a smile, exiting the room.   
“I will go and prepare the horses.” Alexander rose up and looked at Leander. “But first I need to have your word that no matter what will happen, Hephaistion, Zora and your mother will be your priority”, he said with seriousness in his voice. “Of course. I will protect them with my life.” Leander also stood up and smiled. “And you should remember that I will observe you now so you better make my little brother happy.” Alexander smiled widely and nodded his head. “You don’t need to worry about it. I learned my lesson and now I will do everything to make him happy.” He patted Leander’s shoulder and went to the stables. 

It only took Hephaistion a few minutes to grab his stuff, since he didn't bring a lot here in the first place. Dressing himself comfortable enough for the journey, he shouldered his bag and went outside. When he passed the bedroom of his mother, he could hear her voice, apparently arguing with Zora who didn't want to keep her clothes on. It made Hephaistion smile and he was happy that they would come along. Just the thought of living without his sister – and mother, of course – was unbearable.  
The moment he entered the stable, he heard Deucalion's neighing and he immediately started to paw with his hooves.  
„Hey, big boy“, he said smiling and rubbed his neck, making him ready for the journey. „I bet you can't wait to move again, can you?“ Patting the strong neck of his horse, Hephaistion led him outside and met Alexander on his way out, already sitting on Bucephalus' back.  
His heart started fluttering at this sight, since he hadn't seen them together for a long time. And heck, he looked good. It was nearly unbelievable that Alexander should be his, and only his, from now on.  
„Are you ready?“, he asked him after he patted Bucephalus' neck as well and tiptoed, stretching to be able to kiss Alexander.

Alexander watched as Hephaistion was making Deucalion ready for the trip. It was good to see him a little bit more alive and happy than he was in days. “Yes. I’m ready”, he smiled and gently kissed his lover. “And I’m happy that you are going back with me.”   
Alexander caught Hephaistion under his armpits and lifted him on his horse. “Now you are going to be all mine.” A mischievous smile appeared on his lips and he started kissing his friend passionately, keeping him close to himself. Leander came with his and his mother horse and rolled his eyes when he saw the heavy making out that Alexander and Hephaistion were performing. It seemed that the king really couldn’t keep his hands to himself. But it also seemed that Hephaistion didn’t mind that at all. Leander cleared his throat once, twice and sighed when the couple didn’t even make the smallest attempt to stop sucking each other's faces.   
“Excuse me, but shouldn’t we think about how we will go to the palace?”, he asked with a little bit of impatience in his voice because they looked like they were ready to have sex right there and then and his mother could come anytime. 

Hephaistion backed off when he heard Leander's voice and left Alexander's lips, feeling quite unsatisfied. He grinned a small, but palpably grin as he stared at his mouth and then at his eyes. So Alexander didn't have a problem with showing others that he belonged to him? He could totally live with that.  
„Leander is right“, he purred, pressing a last but not to a lesser extent passionate kiss onto his lover's lips and caressed his cheek, before he niftily jumped off pf Bucephalus' back.   
„Where is mother?“, he asked into Leander's direction, turning his face to him, while he sat up on Deucalion, feeling how the horse couldn't wait to finally move. His muscles were tense and he was scurrying like he was up the pole.  
But before his brother could answer, their mother came out of the house, a babbling Zora in front of her chest, the little body tightly wrapped in a material which was holding her close to their mother.   
Obviously, she wasn't very pleased, according to her pouting face and those small fists that tugged at her hair.  
Hephaistion let out a soundless snort, observing how Leander helped her to sit up, before he led Deucalion close to Alexander.  
„So, lead the way, my king, I am right beside you.“ _Never leaving your side again_ , Hephaistion added in his thoughts, smiling expectant at him.

Alexander nodded and looked at Leander. “Watch our back. And you”, he said and turned to Hephaistion. “If anything will happen protect your mother and sister”, he said with seriousness in his voice, not wanting his little princess and his soon to be husband to get hurt. “All right. We should go now to reach the palace before the sunset”, Leander said out loud, watching the couple with annoyance in his eyes. It was clear that Alexander was almost undressing Hephaistion with his dirty looks and he was sure that both of them were going to magically disappear somewhere tonight. But why the hell should he watch his little brother making goo eyes at his lover?   
Maybe he hadn’t had anyone for too long? Yeah, he could totally ravish some pretty boy in the palace. That would do him a lot of good. “Yes. Let’s go.” With a last look at Hephaistion, Alexander spurred Bucephalus and kept a fast but comfortable pace. Leander was right. They should get back to the palace before the sunset especially because they had a baby with them.


	21. Chapter 21

For Hephaistion, it felt as if he had been away for weeks, maybe even months, and not only for a few days. As they approached the palace, he felt a tingling feeling inside of his chest.  
Looking over to Alexander, he smiled relieved and turned around to his family, bringing Deucalion to a halt.  
Zora was sleeping peacefully at his mother's chest, her eyes closed and her fists were lying next to her chubby cheeks. Leander looked at the palace in awe, maybe he recalled being here the last time, who knew, so Hephaistion didn't think about it any longer and got off of Deucalion's back. He helped his mother down, kissing her forehead before he slightly touched Zora's head without waking her up.  
„I am glad that you are here. It would be the best if you would just follow Alexander, he will take care of you. Someone shall show them their rooms“, he said into his king's direction, before he grabbed the reins of the two horses, Deucalion coming after him without any lead.  
„I will take care of the horses and I'll be coming after you as soon as they are served.“

“No.” Alexander caught Hephaistion by his wrist and nodded shortly at one of the servant boys. “You are coming with us. It’s really not safe for any of you to wander outside of the palace”, he said, curling his arm around his lover’s waist. “A servant will show you your rooms and we shall meet at the dinner in an hour.”   
“So I see that the situation is really bad”, Leander whispered and took Zora from his mother’s arms. He smiled when the baby snuggled closer to his chest in her sleep. He would never let anyone hurt his little sister, he was sure of that. “Unfortunately yes. But the guards will watch over your safety here.” Alexander smiled and discretely gave Hepahistion’s ass a squeeze. It had been too long since the last time they touched each other and he was willing to have a little privacy with his lover now because he was nearly going mad during the trip when he was tempted by Phai’s long legs, almost completely uncovered. Phai was really evil for wearing such short robes. 

Hephaistion looked at Alexander, slightly annoyed, because he didn't like it when some random servant was taking care of Deucalion, but he didn't say a word and got along with it. He listened to Alexander and Leander and observed them, when suddenly an unpleasant thought crossed his mind.  
„Do you trust the guards that easily?“, he murmured, trying to ignore Alexander's hand on his ass by playing it cool. „What if there are traitors among them as well?“  
He turned his back to his family and wrapped one of his arms around Alexander's waist, standing chest to chest with him now.  
„I am seriously getting paranoid, you know.“  
His voice was a mere whisper when he slipped the other hand between their bodies, unseen by the others, and let his hand wander to Alexander's crotch, where he grabbed him with a tight grip.  
Looking him in the eyes, his own blurred in the slightest way, he performed a hug as if he was happy to be here, happy about the fact that no one got hurt.  
„Could you not“, he growled low, playfully, so only Alexander would hear him, as he squeezed his fingers tighter, „touch me in front of my mother?“  
With a mean grin on his lips, he let go of him, brushing his hand on purpose against the bulge underneath the fabric.  
„Sweetheart?“

„The guards were chosen by my mother and you know how she is. She wouldn’t let anyone into the palace who even breathes suspiciously”, he answered, shrugging one of his shoulders and massaging Hephaistion round ass with satisfaction that he hid under a mask of concern. But he didn’t expect that Hephaistion would play so dirty on him. Sexy fucker. When Phai slipped his hand onto his crotch he nearly moaned but somehow he managed to keep his poker face and it was a real miracle because Phai knew exactly what to do to make him lose control.   
Still, giving him a boner here was a punch below the waist. But the king couldn’t deny that it made him want his lover even more than before. “But it’s so hard when you wear such short robes. And I know that you are doing it on purpose”, he whispered into Hephaistion's ear. “I’m going to fuck you so good later for that”, he added and pinched Hephaistion ass before going into the palace, followed by Leander’s gaze, that was piercing right through him. Well, obviously his boner wasn’t as invisible as he thought. But he hoped that at least Phai’s mother was too busy to notice. 

„When I think about it now, your words make sense. Gladfully.“ Hephaistion smiled innocently, really feeling relieved because Alexander made him feel a little bit safer due to his words. Olympias would have taken care of it in the first place, he was sure of it. And who knew, maybe she was doing a great job as the queen, already trying to find the traitors?  
„I see you later, my love“, he said when Alexander turned around, but before the other could leave, he buried his nose in the other's neck, licking his skin. „And I take you at your word. I want you to give it good to me.“  
Hephaistion looked around and went to his mother, taking her by the arm and led her into the palace, Leander was following them with a sour expression on his face.  
„What is wrong, grumps?“, he asked and laughed at his mother who tried to free her arm out his grip, saying that she wasn't an old lady yet that needed help with walking.  
„Nothing“, came the muffled answer.  
Hephaistion looked at him for a second, measuring, before he shrugged his shoulders and led them into the direction where Alexander disappeared only seconds ago.

# ~*~

“How do your family like it here?”, Alexander asked when he walked out of the bathroom, fresh, clean and really tired. It was a long day for all of them, especially for the king because it seemed that his absence of two days had been two days too long and he needed to spend some time on the papers and also his mother paid him a visit. A really long visit, full of preaches. It actually made him feel pretty caged and he didn’t like that feeling at all. Alexander came to the bed where Hephaistion was lying on his belly and took an oil from the nightstand.   
“You look really worn out, Phai”, he murmured and poured the oil onto his lover’s back. “Zora wasn’t very happy to go to sleep, am I right?”, he asked with a smile and started to massage the other’s tense muscles. Zora was an angel for Alexander but she had a really hot temper when she had to go to sleep. It only made her more cute but Hephaistion seemed to really have enough for today. 

Hephaistion lifted his head from the pillow he was burying it into when he heard Alexander's voice. He turned his face in his direction and smiled.  
„My mother is truly amazed and feels safe. That's the most important thing. Leander... well, he kind of behaves strange, I think? He's not looking me straight in the eye and I don't know why. Did he say something to you?“  
Wondering about what might have gotten into his brother, he propped himself up on his elbows and wanted to turn around when he felt how the mattress sunk, but Alexander was faster and pushed him back onto his stomach.   
Hephaistion literally had to choke down the moan that wanted to escape him when he felt the pressure Alexander's strong hands were fulfilling on his back. Oh god. He had no idea how good it actually felt. He didn't sleep very good back home and lying in this amazing bed now was doing miracles... but this? It got even better.  
„No“, he laughed after a moment of silence in which he could only hear the faint slick noises of Alexander's hands, rubbing the oil into his skin.  
„Zora really doesn't like to go to sleep, at all. But when she's finally asleep, you may have a really hard time trying to wake her up again.“

Alexander smiled at that and kissed the back of Hephaistion’s head. “I’m glad to hear that”, he said, massaging Phai’s shoulders that were slowly relaxing under his hands. “I don’t know. Leander haven’t spoken to me since we arrived here.” Alexander furrowed his eyebrows in thoughtfulness but he couldn’t recall anything that would make Leander act weird. “Maybe he is just tired like we all are”, he said after a while and smiled when Phai moaned quietly. It made him feel really good about himself that he could give his lover so many pleasure with just his touches. “She took that from you. It is almost impossible to get you out of the bed in the morning.” The king added some more pressure and received a satisfied sigh from Hephaistion. It was kind of cute how Phai was always looking for Alexander’s warmth when he was asleep. They actually only shared a few nights together but his lover always ended up plastered to him and Alexander completely didn’t mind waking up like this. 

„Liar!“  
Hephaistion laughed and reached behind him, fumbling for Alexander and when he got a grip on the other's thigh, he squeezed him playfully.  
„That's not true, I can't believe that you actually compared me to my little baby sister!“  
He felt a completely content smile on his face. Being finally happy was an incredible feeling. He didn't feel like this in ages, it seemed, but he could definitely get used to it. It made his whole skin tingle with pleasure, knowing that Alexander was right besides him, that he was _his_ now. His fiancé.  
Hephaistion hid his grin in the pillow and exhaled deeply when his lover hit a particularly tense muscle, almost immediately relaxing.  
„I'm glad she likes you“, he murmured, not exactly knowing who he was talking about now. „I mean Zora, but when I think about it... my mother fell in love with you at first sight, I think. Even though your handsome face was all bloody back then.“  
He smiled smugly and turned his head to be able to look at Alexander from the corner of his eyes.  
„But gladfully, there's my face which does all the work, right? Since I am pretty enough for both of us.“

Alexander laughed at that and turned Hephaistion on his back so now they were face to face. Phai was really beautiful even though he was tired but it seemed that Alexander managed to take his thoughts off of the threats which was good because it was the king’s burden to deal with all that mess. His beautiful fiancé should be happy and careless all the time.   
“You are more than pretty, my prince”, he murmured and kissed his lover gently, massaging his sides. “You are truly a son of Aphrodite.” Alexander smiled and kissed Phai with more force, wanting to feel him for real because it still was like a dream to him. After all that happened, he was sure that he lost the love of his life forever but here he was, all safe and happy in the king’s huge bed. “I’m glad that your mother likes me but can we not talk about your family in bed? I have a really beautiful man underneath me and I would like to concentrate only on him and not on his family”, he said with happy sparks in his eyes. 

„What do you want to talk about instead?“  
Hephaistion reached for Alexander's neck and pulled him towards him while he propped himself up on one of his elbows.  
He brushed his lips against the alien yet so well known ones and teasingly licked over his lower lip.   
„Or“, he started, the smug grin never leaving his face, „don't you want to talk at all?“ He let his hand slide down to the curve of his neck, feeling the warm skin beneath his own, Alexander's pulse beating steady against his fingers.  
Hephaistion looked him lovingly in the eyes, thinking about his mother and what she would say if she knew what was going on between them. If she knew that her younger son was going to marry the king. „You know“, he whispered, „now they are your family as well.“

“I know and I am happy about it”, he answered honestly and made himself comfortable between Hephaistion’s thighs with a playful smirk on his face. It was so good to have his old Phai back, all playful and teasing. And so damn sexy. “But we can talk about them in the morning.” Alexander licked his lips and looked at his lover with burning desire in his eyes. “Because now I have better ideas about what could you do with that sweet mouth of yours”, he said teasingly and rolled his hips against Hephaistion’s, making the older man moan quietly. “What would you say about that, my Phai?” The king licked his lover’s neck and bit down hard enough to leave a bruise that everyone would be able to see in the morning. 

Hephaistion grinned and lied down, finally having the king where he wanted him and where he belonged – right between his thighs. Talking about his family in the morning? Did he really just say that? According to Alexander, it was impossible to get him out of bed at that time and now he wanted to talk to him... Already a remark on his lips, Hephaistion opened his mouth to say something to that but Alexander interrupted him by kissing him and literally shutting his mouth.   
He smirked into the kiss and bent his head in submission when they parted again, trailing up and down Alexander's arms with his fingertips, feeling very approved when he could feel the slight goose bumps beneath his skin.  
„What ideas?“, he asked innocently and shallowly thrusted his hips up against the king's, already feeling quite warmed up. If he would keep teasing him like that, Hephaistion for sure would lose his mind soon. And his control.

“Hmm...” Alexander pretended that he was thinking about it while slowly getting Hephaistion out of his cotton pants. He slid them from his lover’s long, slender legs and tossed them somewhere behind him. A mischievous smile appeared on the king’s lips when he saw that Hephaistion was already half hard and ready for some serious action. “Well, I would like to use your pretty mouth to suck me off”, he finally answered, lightly touching Phai’s cock, adding just enough pressure to get him fully hard but not enough to give him any real satisfaction.   
“I bet you would get me mad with that sweet tongue of yours. What do you think, my Phai?” Alexander licked a long stride along his lover’s neck and made a hickey just under his jaw line. He wasn’t up for rushing things when he was still teasing the older man so before Hephaistion had a chance to speak, he kissed him hard and demanding, rutting against him with a pleasurable pressure. 

Alexander's touches were teasing and Hephaistion couldn't handle teasing for too long without getting horny to that point that he would be losing his mind anytime soon. With his previous lovers, their get togethers were always hasty, the only purpose to get him off as quickly as possible. That was okay, he was used to it.  
But this, this was different. Hephaistion just loved the way Alexander was treating him, his faint touches aggravating him in the right way. It was simply arousing and his dick reacted almost immediately to the contact.  
„Do you think I am capable of sucking you off?“ He slipped his hand in between them, loosened up the towel that was still covering Alexander's hips and rubbed his flat hand against his hardened cock. „Don't you think you are too huge for me?“  
Grinning, he took the king's hand in his own, kissed his wrist, the palm of his hand and then the back of it.  
„Are you sure I can do this?“  
His voice was as sweet and innocent as if butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. When he opened the latter, he looked Alexander in the eyes, his own half lidded, not breaking the eye contact, before he licked over two of his fingers, slightly biting them. Imitating what he for sure would be doing in a few minutes, he vigorously sucked at them, feeling how his own cock responded to the sweet friction Alexander's hips were giving him.

“Fuck”, Alexander muttered under his breath, watching as Hephaistion was also playing with him. He wasn’t even sure if Phai was conscious about how he moved like cat or looked at him with those blue, innocent eyes full of dirty promises. Maybe he was doing it on purpose but Alexander didn’t give a damn. All that counted was how sexy his lover was and how much he was getting off on that sight.   
“I bet you will manage to suck me off, my sweet prince. You were made for me”, he said with a smirk and took his towel off, tossing it in the corner. He was bigger than his lover but Hephaistion proved him once that it wasn't a big problem for him. It wasn’t under very nice circumstances but it was still so damn hot and Alexander jerked off to that memory more times than he could count. “Damn it, Phai”, the king panted and rutted hard against his lover when Hephaistion started to suck on his fingers. “I need you on your knees. Now”, he commanded, looking at Phai like on his prey. He really thought that he had more willpower to tease his fiancé a little more but the things that Hephaistion was doing to him were making his head spin with pure lust. 

Letting go of his fingers with a wet sound, Hephaistion couldn't hide his grin, even though he tried to do so by biting hard on his lips.  
„Aw, come on“, he cooed, caressing Alexander's sides. „Are you already done, playing with me? It just began to become fun...“  
He pouted playfully, but when he heard Alexander's words, all of the blood that somehow remained in the upper part of his body, rushed downwards in an instant.  
„You want me on my knees?“  
It was pretty hard to think straight by now and forming words was even harder, but Hephaistion enjoyed playing dirty on his lover way too much. It didn't happen often that he had more pull in their relationship, but rare moments like these made it even more enjoyable. So he just continued tracing his fingertips along the younger man's skin, still looking him in the eyes.  
„Make me“, he rasped out then, sliding his hand down between his legs where he slowly started to rub himself off. Only because he wanted Alexander to do him, badly, it didn't mean that he would obey that easily.

Alexander growled low in his chest at his lover’s disobey. No one really ever tried to not make all his wishes come true but Hephaistion was a really hard nut to crack and that was the reason why Alexander loved him this much. Still, Alexander wasn’t up to letting his lover play so dirty on him. So he grabbed a handful of Hephaistion’s hair and made him show his neck in submission. Slowly, enjoying the view, Alexander bent down and whispered in a low voice into the other man’s ear:   
“If I won’t see you on your knees with my cock in your mouth in a minute, I’m going to spank your pretty ass so hard that you won’t be able to sit tomorrow and even your mother will know what a naughty boy you are.” Now it was the end of the foreplay and Alexander made sure to mark his word by biting down hard on Hephaistion’s shoulder, making him moan loudly. Well, Phai could be such a little masochist sometimes when the right buttons were pushed and when enough pleasure was added. And that was such a turn on for the king, especially when Hephaistion was marked by him. 

Alexander's hand in his hair was exactly what the young man was aiming for. He didn't even know he liked it that much, but apparently he developed some dirty kink here. The pull made him hiss in pleasure, and he licked his lips while he let his gaze drop from Alexander's eyes down, viewing his body fully in front of him, bit by bit. When his eyes reached his fully hard cock, he bit down on his lips. The sight was literally mouth watering and Hephaistion swallowed hard to hold himself back from jumping up and going down on his lover in one go.   
He arched his back when Alexander bit down on his shoulder, nearly breaking his skin, which made him thrust into his fist with an unsatisfied moan.  
„Do you really think this is going to make me obey?“, he moaned, a mocking undertone lying in his voice. No, it actually wasn't. Hephaistion made sure that he would coax the other out of shell, simply by provoking him. He never knew that it could be satisfying like that. That's why his eyes snapped up back to Alexander's face when he started to count.  
„One“, he grinned, getting indeed on his knees, pushing Alexander slightly away from him. „Five“, by now his grin was turning even wider when he skipped two seconds, licking down Alexander's stomach and biting his skin around his navel, holding himself up on his hands.  
He reached forty, when he started to bite along his pelvic bones, licking his way up to his lover's stomach again, purposely disregarding his cock.

Alexander for a second thought that he really got what he wanted when Hephaistion slid between his thighs, looking so beautiful on his knees for his king. He didn’t miss the lustful look in Phai’s eyes when his lover eyed Alexander’s manhood hungrily. But oh, how he was wrong. He should have known that Hephaistion wouldn’t let their little game end so fast but he still was able to muster up a bit of patience but it was quickly running out when Phai started to play with him so dirty.   
“You are just asking for a punishment, my little slut, and you will get it later”, he promised in a husky voice, dark from desire. It was really hard for him to think straight when Hephaistion was so damn close to his cock. But it was still not close enough. Alexander, slightly frustrated from the lack of touch where it was needed the most, grabbed Hephaistion’s hair again and directed his mouth on his cock himself. “Now suck or I won’t fuck you later.” He wasn’t even joking now. He needed his lover’s sweet lips on himself or he would just get crazy. 

Hephaistion didn't reach number sixty in his head, unfortunately only reaching till forty-six, before Alexander had enough of him and his teasing. What a pity. But he didn't get the chance to complain, because the king indeed had other plans with him.  
Moaning and finally submitting, Hephaistion opened his mouth and licked the base of Alexander's cock up to the tip. His fingers buried in the sheets, he looked Alexander in the eyes for a second.  
„Now, that's really a threat, isn't it.“  
Laughing hushed, he closed his eyes and straddled his own legs a bit more to have a more comfortable position, before he finally took the hard cock in front of him in, wrapping his tongue around the tip. When he slipped his lips further down on him, he could hear Alexander moan in pleasure. Hephaistion could bet his ass he was getting punished later, but appealing him until the edge of insanity was giving the boy life. He hollowed his checks, rubbing his tongue along the underside of the throbbing cock in his mouth, and when Alexander hit the back of his throat he nearly came at the feeling of it.  
It didn't take him long to adjust to this feeling and he slowly started to bob his head on him, humming in pleasure himself when he jerked himself off simultaneously.

Alexander moaned loudly when he finally felt the softness of Hephaistion’s tongue on his throbbing erection that was already leaking pre come even though it wasn’t touched so far. But he wasn’t turned on like this for a very long time so he was really on the edge since Hephaistion started to toy with him. “Yesss”, he moaned with satisfaction, never letting go of Phai’s hair and actually making his grip tighter. His lover really had a skillful mouth that was making Alexander’s hips move a little from all the pleasure.   
“Is that all you can do?”, he asked with tease in his voice when he finally got a grip over himself and was once again able to play their little game. “As my future king you should do everything to make me satisfied, don’t you think, my slutty prince? And so far you’re not doing a great job on that.” Alexander smiled when Hephaistion started to move his head a little faster and sucked him harder. It was good to know that he was still able to push Phai’s buttons and make him lose his control. “And don’t you fucking dare to touch yourself until I tell you to”, he growled and pushed Phai’s hand away with his foot. “Your body belongs to me now and only I can touch you there.” 

All he could do? _All he could do?_ If his mouth wouldn't have been stuffed with Alexander's cock, Hephaistion would have snorted. So he was back to teasing him, right? As soon as he got where he wanted him to be, the king pulled this card out again. But Hephaistion wasn't that easy to be played with.  
He took him down his throat one last time, before he let him slip out, opening his eyes and looking with pure lust in them at him. „Are you sure that you are in the right position to say something like that?“ He lifted his hand, the one which he used to satisfy himself with, slick with his own pre come, and wrapped his fingers around the base of the other's cock. And then he squeezed, hard. His grin turned malicious when he got Alexander's choked moan in response. His beloved king should really watch out and better think about what he was saying twice. Especially when he was at the receiving end.  
„I literally have you at the palm of my hand, my king“, he whispered, before he flickered his tongue right above his fingers. „Watch your mouth.“ Hephaistion licked his own lips, before he let the younger one feel his teeth, scraping them slightly against his soft skin, his grip still not loosened up.  
„And what was that supposed to mean“, he added after a while, listening to Alexander's heavy breathing with a satisfied grin on his lips. „Are you threatening me? Really, Alexander? You don't really think this will keep me from touching my dick when I want to touch it, do you?“

Alexander should have known that Hephaistion would not give up so easily and just submit to him without showing that he still wanted the last word to belong to him. But to play it so dirty? The king was really attached to his manhood and he would rather lose a hand than the _little Alexander_ so he nearly jumped when Hephaistion squeezed him a little bit too tight. And those threatening teeth, sliding over the very sensitive and delicate skin of his dick. This time, Hephaistion crossed the line and he really deserved a punishment.   
Alexander pulled his lover's hair, keeping him away from his manhood and looked him in the eyes, a dark expression on his face. “I am your king. And you will be punished for disobeying me”, he growled, forcing his lover to stand up. When Phai was on his feet, Alexander grabbed him by his hips hard enough to leave a few bruises and pulled him onto his knees. He bit down hard on Hephaistion's shoulder and gave him a smack on his ass, smiling victoriously when the boy shuddered in his arms. “What about ten? I think that would be enough for now. And you will count with me, Phai, won’t you?”, he said in a sweet voice, massaging his lover’s firm ass. 

Hephaistion was enjoying his position way too much. Knowing that he had the king under his control was such an overwhelming feeling that it made him shudder with anticipation. He was used to being controlled by him, especially ever since he developed his feelings towards the other. He would do anything for him and he knew exactly that Alexander could manipulate him and bend him the way he wanted him to have. But this, this was something completely different.  
Hephaistion grinned and wanted to add something to his previous words, his cock twitching excited in his hands, when he felt a hard pull in his hair that made him hiss.  
„If this is your strongest grip“, he panted, moving his head as if to place Alexander's hand in a different way, „I'm not sure I would even notice something that would be worth counting.“ Pushing his ass against Alexander's hand, he repeated the latter's words in his head over and over again, practically hearing his low voice.  
 _I am your king_  
It shouldn't make him feel as horny as he was now, but Hephaistion didn't feel guilty about it. At all. Quite the contrary, it kind of made him feel powerful because he could bait him out of his reserve. „Don't forget that you are messing with a king yourself now, Alexander.“

“You are not a king a yet”, Alexander smiled and kissed him hard on the mouth, licking his lips and gripping his ass possessively. He wanted Hephaistion to finally be his equal. Well, he always saw him that way but soon it would be official and Phai would be fully his. But now he could still use the little power he had over his lover and make him submit to him because that was a thing worth admiring in songs. When they pulled apart, trying to catch their breaths, Alexander smiled mischievously and smacked Hephaistion’s ass hard, making the older man scream and snuggle into the king’s broad chest. He could feel Phai’s hard dick against his abdomen, leaking pre come onto his skin. It was making him mad with lust. “Count, my sweet prince”, he murmured into his lover’s ear, soothing his ass cheeks with a gentle massage. 

Hephaistion placed both of his hands around Alexander's neck, crossing his fingers behind it and stroking over the other's pulse with his thumbs. He looked him in the face and bit his lips, losing himself in the deep dark eyes in front of him, while his hip rutted automatically against the king.   
„But I am“, he whispered into Alexander's ear when he leaned forward a bit, tilting his head with his hands to the side to reach him better.  
„I always was. Your very own personal king.“  
He knew he was, he could literally see it in his lover's eyes. But he also knew, that Alexander normally wouldn't admit it and that's why he played along.  
„One“, he grit out between his clenched teeth, stopping himself from moaning in pleasure. When he felt his hand on his ass again, Hephaistion ground down on his lap, rutting against him, while his grip in Alexander's neck grew stronger.  
„Two.“ 

Alexander snorted even though Hephaistion’s words were true but right now he wouldn’t admit this. It was just too much fun to make his lover submit to him. “You are such a cocky devil, my king”, he said mockingly, giving him another hard smack and this time actually making Hephaistion moan beautifully. His fiancé was such a kinky masochist, it was almost unbelievable and if Alexander hadn’t seen that with his very own eyes he would have never believed that a darker side of his Phai even existed. But oh, how much he loved that side of his lover. “Don’t stop counting”, he reminded when Phai started to rut against him frantically and at the same time sticking his ass out towards Alexander’s hand like he couldn’t decide what he wanted more. 

Hephaistion didn't know how he actually managed to count until seven, but when Alexander smacked him for the eighth time, he lost his shit. With a frustrated moan, he placed his hands against Alexander's shoulders and pushed him back so that he was lying at the bed now, Hephaistion on top of him, his fingers digging into the skin that covered his strong shoulders.  
His ass tingled in the right way to keep him on the edge and the urge to rub it against Alexander's crotch while his cock was buried deep inside of him was overwhelming him now.  
He needed it, badly. As soon as possible. Otherwise he would go out of his fucking mind.  
„It's enough“, he panted, grinding down on the king and feeling his hot throbbing cock against his own which made him feel even more aggravated.  
„Didn't you promise me ealier to fuck me good?“  
His voice was sweet as sugar, his tongue forming every syllable as if playing with honey.  
„Or can't you do that? Are you trying to distract me from a little erectile problem you have down there?“

Alexander was really enjoying himself. Giving Hephaistion punishment was even sexier than he imagined it previously and he didn’t want to stop even though his throbbing erection was begging for attention. They had time so he could wait a little longer but apparently Hephaistion wasn’t so patient. The king almost laughed when his lover pushed him onto the mattress with his eyes fogged with lust. It was clear that he was close to the edge and he needed just a little more stimulation to reach his orgasm. Alexander wasn’t so cruel to deny him that. Actually, he was quite happy to give him so much pleasure through pain but he knew that now Phai needed only pure pleasure.   
“Problem? You call that a problem?” He rolled his hips against Hephaistion’s and took a small jar from the nightstand. “Do you want me to prepare you?”, he asked, curious how far Hephaistion went during his masturbation sessions. 

„Yes.“  
Hephaistion's voice was a mere hiss when he grabbed for Alexander's hand, leading it between his legs, placing his fingers around his cock. He literally felt like seconds before bursting and it was making him lose his mind.  
„Yes, I do call that a problem, as well as this.“ With the slightest pressure, he squeezed his fingers around Alexander's hand, making himself moan in relief.  
Clearly reading in Alexander's eyes that he enjoyed what he was doing to him, he felt the arousal boiling in his blood. Little shit.  
„And we will have an even bigger problem“, he whispered into his lover's ear, leaning down to him and licking up his neck, „if you won't fuck me already because I will rip your throat out.“ 

„So impatient”, Alexander smiled, pushing two slickened fingers into his lover’s tight hole. “That’s not how a king should behave”, he murmured, slowly fucking Hephaistion with just his fingers, loving the needy sounds he was making. He was also on the edge but teasing Hephaistion was so damn sexy that he wasn’t able to just stop and fuck him already. He needed his lover to beg for it. To beg for Alexander’s cock. And that wasn’t an easy task because Hephaistion was a very proud, little devil who was a hard nut to crack. But the king was patient as he jerked off his lover while massaging his prostate. He knew from Phai’s shallow breaths that it wasn’t enough for him, that he needed more but Alexander still refrained himself. “Tell me what you want, my beloved prince”, he said in a sweet voice, kissing him gently just to make him more angry. “And I shall give you that.” 

Hephaistion laughed at Alexander's words and shook his head. Cocky as ever, wasn't he?   
„As you said yourself, I am not a king yet... so let me be impatient as much as I want“, he grinned but his laugh turned into a needy moan when he could feel Alexander's fingers entering him. Alexander was really playing a mean game with him, and now it was enough. But he knew he had to swallow his pride down if he wanted to get laid tonight. Even though he really enjoyed toying with Alexander, it was obvious that the other wouldn't give in. Internally rolling his eyes, Hephaistion decided to play his game. He was way too horny not to do so and the need to feel his lover inside of him, to feel his pulse matching his own one was stronger. He would pay him back some time anyways.  
Concentrating on Alexander's fingers inside of him for a few seconds, Hephaistion tried to control his breath.  
„I want you“, he whispered while he touched his lover's face gently with one of his hands, cupping it around his cheek.  
„I want your cock inside of me, slowly filling me out and I want you to finally make love to me again.“ He looked him in the eyes, remembering the words Alexander said to him a while ago. That it wasn't only fucking the two of them had going on between them; they made love and Alexander was right. Hoping that his words would reach the king, and Hephaistion indeed saw a change in the other's eyes, he closed his own eyes and leaned down, kissing him on the lips. And he poured all his love into the kiss.  
„It's been awhile, you know. And I really missed you.“

For a moment, Alexander forgot how to breathe. He loved teasing his lover but when Hephaistion was so open, so loving, the king was momentary forgetting about his teasing and the rest of the world on general. “I missed you, too”, he whispered in a hoarse voice, looking into his lover’s beautiful eyes. He kissed him deep and passionate, carefully removing his fingers.   
“Are you sure that you are ready?”, he asked while slicking his manhood with oil. He didn’t want Phai to feel even a little bit uncomfortable because when he was asking for lovemaking he should only receive pure pleasure. He lined his throbbing cock with Hephaistion’s entrance, teasing it lightly and waiting for permission. He wanted his fiancé to know that he wouldn’t do anything to hurt him. Teasing was one thing but he loved Phai and he wanted to make him feel special because Hephaistion was actually his first lover who Alexander cared about. 

Hephaistion smiled a little smile, totally chaste on the outside. But on the inside, he was grinning like a maniac over his victory. So he was still able to get what he wanted, even if Alexander played dirty with him. He was actually kind of relieved that he still had that effect on him. Hephaistion already was afraid that maybe he lost it after Alexander had him for the first time. That he lost the spark that was a trait of him. But it was really a good feeling to know that he was still good enough, and well, handsome enough. The moment he thought of it, his scar started to tingle and Hephaistion gritted his teeth in order to ignore it. He refused to look down on it and tried his best to resist the urge and claw at it, it literally took his breath away. But he had to play it cool and gladfully, Alexander didn't notice his struggle.  
That's why he only nodded, that smile still playing around his lips.  
„Yes“, he whispered in response. „I am ready for a long time now.“

Alexander smiled and slowly started to push his rock hard dick into the wet heat of his lover’s body. He moaned loudly, using all of his willpower to not just thrust hard and fuck his fiancé already. But the thought that Hephaistion trusted him allowed Alexander to get a grip on himself and push in carefully, trying to make it as painless as possible for his lover. “Does it hurt, baby?”, he asked softly, keeping his hands on Phai’s hips to steady him. “Should I slow down?” A long time passed since their last time together and even if Hephaistion was playing with himself during their separation, there was no way that he was still stretched enough for Alexander’s manhood. For a moment he regretted that he didn’t take his time to prepare Hephaistion better but it was too late now. “Just breathe, Phai”, he murmured, seeing a bit of pain in his lover’s eyes, not knowing that it was mostly because of his still healing wound. 

Finally being able to feel his lover inside of him again was indescribably intense. It made him shiver hard and he had to dig his fingers into Alexander's shoulders because otherwise, he would lose himself completely, he was sure of it.  
Hephaistion shook his head at the other's questions and kissed his lips, leaning their foreheads against each other.  
„No“, he panted softly, trying to adjust to the feeling Alexander made him feel as quickly as possible. He didn't know why, but this time it felt more intimate, as if he finally reached his destination. And maybe that's what he actually did; he reached Alexander for good. His thoughts made him smile even more and he could feel how his whole body relaxed when he started to slowly lower himself down on his lover, slighty moving his hips, until he felt completely full.  
„I am perfectly fine.“

“Gods… Hephaistion… you feel so damn good.” Alexander gripped his lover’s hips harder, for sure leaving some bruises and started to move his own hips, finding a rhythm that was pleasing both of them. “It’s been too long”, he murmured, gently kissing his lover. He didn’t touch anyone since his last time with Hephaistion and he didn’t regret waiting because it was worth to fight for his Phai. With him, sex really was intense and intimate, not just a way to get off like with his previous lovers and he loved it. “I need to marry you as soon as possible, my sweet prince...” Alexander rolled them over and pushed Hephaistion into the mattress, covering him with his body. Skin to skin contact was just what he need to be sure that Phai was really here, with him. “I can’t let anybody steal you from me”, he smiled and started to move his hips faster, hitting his lover's prostate with every thrust. 

Yes, it indeed had been too long. Hephaistion felt his body itching with every single fiber, especially where Alexander's fingers met his skin. He clutched tight onto him when he found himself pressed into the mattress, pulling him in a tight embrace.  
„I will be yours, forever“, he whispered, but moaned when Alexander thrusted in the right angle into him and hit his prostate perfectly. His body shuddered and he tightened his legs around Alexander's waist, drawing him even closer to him.  
„Fuck“, he moaned, his fingers digging into the hot skin beneath them, grabbing Alexander's ass.  
He could feel that he already was on the edge, only mere thrusts from coming but he could also feel that Alexander already had to restrain himself.   
Suddenly, the urge to make him come before he did so himself was overwhelming.   
„Harder“, is why he groaned, dragging his nails over Alexander's back just in the right pressure and when he heard him moan in response, an evil grin creeped on his face.  
He tightened his muscles, making himself incredibly tight for his lover, before he kissed him hard on the lips.  
„Fuck me harder.“

“Fuck!” Alexander clenched his jaw and finally let himself get lost in the pleasure he was feeling. His hips rocked hard into his lover, fucking Hephaistion hard just like he wished. He knew it would be over too soon but they had time so there would be tons of occasions to take it slower. “Phai… Gods…”, he moaned loudly when Hephaistion tightened around him. “If you will keep on… ah… doing that, I will…” Alexander didn’t even have the time to finish this sentence before he was coming hard with a loud scream. “Oh fuck…” The king collapsed onto his lover, his vision white with the pleasure that was still vibrating in every cell of his body. He wanted to move or at last pull out of Hephaistion but he was totally drained out of energy and he only managed to change their position a bit so he wasn’t crushing Phai with his weight. 

„Fuck yes“, Hephaistion hissed when he felt how his lover's thrusts grew stronger and more ferocious. „Just like that...“ He was feeling incredibly satisfied, knowing that Alexander was losing himself in and with him. It made him happy and he nearly cried out in pleasure when he felt how the other body tensed for a second before he could feel how Alexander came inside of him. Still trying to restrain himself, he tried to hold back but it was of no use. Alexander's voice and the feeling of him releasing his lust inside of him was too much – and he came, literally untouched, covering his own stomach. He huffed, his breath leaving his throat in a choppy way, as he pulled his lover down on him, gently caressing Alexander's neck, his own fingers combing through the other's hair. He pecked a light kiss on his collarbone before he let himself slump down back into the pillow, completely exhausted.  
„Fuck“, he panted, a weak grin painted on his lips. „I really missed you.“

Alexander laughed weakly, feeling the come on his stomach and sweat on his back. It didn’t feel particularly pleasant but he wasn’t able to move out of Hephaistion’s comfortable embrace. “I missed you, too”, he murmured into his lover’s neck and kissed it gently, purring like a big cat which got scratched behind its ear. “Do you want to take a bath or go to sleep?”, he asked, amused when he saw that Hephaistion was already getting all relaxed and comfortable underneath him, ready to fall asleep at any moment. “My beautiful king...” Alexander kissed Phai’s forehead and carefully rolled onto his side, still trying to even out his breath. They could always take a bath in the morning. There really was no rush.


	22. Chapter 22

It had to be in the early morning when Hephaistion opened his eyes. At first, he didn't see a single thing, but when he leaned back, he recognized Alexander's chest in front of him. Moments later, he realized the strong arms that were wrapped around him, his own arm hanging loosely over Alexander's waist, their legs mingled together.  
A smile formed on Hephaistion's lips when he lifted his hand, tenderly sweeping a curl of the blond hair out of the other's face. He looked so innocent in his sleep, the complete contrary to how he was while being awake.  
He carefully wrapped himself out of Alexander's embrace, suddenly very aware of his sticky body. Wrinkling his nose, he got out of bed and straightened his back while he lumbered over to the window, all in his naked glory. The sun was already rising, not a single cloud visible on the sky.  
Somehow, Hephaistion had the feeling that this was going to be a good day.   
Smiling and humming, quiet enough to not wake Alexander up, he made his way to the bathroom. „Time to clean yourself, boy“, he muttered to himself, shaking his head as he looked down his body which was covered in bruises and hickeys. He didn't even wanted to know what his neck looked like.

Alexander woke up mere moments later, suddenly feeling cold and uncomfortable. “Phai…?”, he muttered in a sleepy voice, trying to adjust his eyes to the light. Alexander put his hand on Hephaistion’s side of bed, feeling that it was still warm so his lover went somewhere just a few minutes ago. The king stretched lazily until his bones popped in the right places and yawned, still feeling pleasantly sleepy. It was hard to even think about getting out of the bed but the need to find his lover was much stronger so after another yawn, Alexander rose up from the bed and got a good look on his dorms. Which were empty. Alexander furrowed his eyebrows in confusion but then he heard the running water and smiled to himself, making his way to the bathroom. He opened the door quietly and leaned himself against the door frame, observing with fascination as Hephaistion was slowly washing his body with a pleased, small smile on his full lips. “I was afraid that you decided to run away”, Alexander said in a husky from sleep voice, watching as Phai’s smile grew wider. That man would be the death of him, Alexander knew it for sure. 

Cocking his head, Hephaistion turned the latter around, into the direction where his lover's voice was coming from. Contemplating his body with his eyes intensely, he dropped the cloth back into the water before he rinsed the water over his shoulders again. His body was wet, the droplets running over his skin and he lowered his gaze, hiding his grin when he saw how Alexander was observing him. He carefully washed his still healing wound, sighing inaudibly when his fingers touched the broken and craggy skin. Never ever would he get over this, he knew it. Feeling somehow stupid because a scar got him out of his usually perfect balance, he washed his chest and stomach. He should be proud of that scar. And hell, he _was_ proud of it in some way because he got it while saving his lover's life – but on the other hand, it wasn't easy for him dealing with it. He knew that his looks were his most important trait and now that he lost a huge amount of it... Blinking, he tried to get rid of these thought and focused his mind on Alexander instead who was still standing by the door, his eyes glued to him.  
„I don't have a reason to run away, do I?“ He smiled, a warm look in his eyes, when he raised his arm, reaching for Alexander. „Don't you want to join me? And make sure that I won't run away?“

Alexander watched as his lover was slowly rinsing the water over his body, doing it in such a sexy way on purpose, there was no doubt about that. But the king didn’t mind it at all. Hephaistion was beautiful and Alexander could never have enough of him. “I would chase you to the end of the world, my prince.” A playful smile curled on his lips as he made his way towards the bathtub. “And I can guarantee you that you wouldn’t be able to escape me.” Alexander slowly dipped himself into the warm water and sighed in satisfaction, feeling his still tense muscles relax. “Would you wash me, my Phai? I had such an exhausting night...” Alexander smiled playfully and grabbed Hephaistion by his ass, bringing him closer and placing a soft kiss on his mouth. “I missed waking up with you”, he murmured into his lover’s ear, lazily massaging his butt. 

„I'll take you up on that.“  
Rinsing the cloth out, Hephaistion slightly started rubbing it over Alexander's body, starting with his arms. He moved his hand in massaging circles, rubbed his way up to his shoulders und nipped at the curve of his neck before his hand went down Alexander's chest.  
„You know what“, he murmured when he felt a foreign hand on his ass, „my lower parts still hurt. So you better make _me_ feel better now or I won't be able to sit later on for real.“  
He let go of Alexander's skin right under his ear on which he was sucking until he left a bruise there which was satisfying him, and grinned smugly at him, his hand now wandering over Alexanders stomach, washing off the last remains of their lovemaking.  
„Turn around“, he said then with a deep demanding voice, waiting until Alexander turned his back on him, before he wrapped his arms around the upper part of his body, pulling him close to him. He gently placed his chin on his lover's shoulder and ran his nose up and down the other's neck.  
„I'm sorry“, he said as a response to Alexander's words. „There are plenty of mornings we can wake up together in front of us...“

Alexander tried to hide his smile and failed when Hephaistion commanded him in such a bossy voice. The king wasn’t taking orders from anyone but Phai wasn’t just anyone. He was his future husband and king so Alexander followed his command without resistance. “I can give you another massage”, he said while enjoying the closeness of his lover’s body. It was funny because they just shared a night full of lovemaking and Alexander still wanted to have Phai as close as possible all the time. “You don’t have to be sorry for that. In fact, you don’t need to be sorry for anything. We have time. I was just confused when I woke up and did not find you by my side”, Alexander sighed and took Hephaistion’s hand into his own and kissed it gently. “But you are right. Now, we will have plenty of mornings to enjoy together”, he said with pure happiness in his voice. 

A bright smile formed on Hephaistion's lips when he nipped at Alexander's earlobe after hearing his words. „We will be together forever, starting now.“ He gave his hand a light squeeze and rubbed his nose against his pulse line, before he slightly started rubbing his lover's skin. The happiness he felt inside was making him smile even wider, a warm feeling started to spread in his chest. This was it. This was what he always wanted. Alexander. By his side. „Until the end of time“, he murmured, his hand sliding down Alexander's chest, down to his stomach where he started to rub soothing circles. Feeling the muscles beneath his fingers made him swallow slightly. He let go of Alexander's hand and trailed a water droplet that was running down his body with his fingertip, closing his eyes as he kissed his shoulder. „What do you think about that?“, he asked. 

Alexander closed his eyes, giving himself completely into the mercy of Hephaistion’s touch that was so gentle and full of love that it nearly hurt him. It was so amazing that the man was still capable of such gentleness when he was trained to be a merciless killer from the day he could walk. “I love that idea”, he smiled and arched his back a little when Phai started to rub soothing circles around his abdomen. “I want to have you forever”, he added and turned around, looking right into his lover’s beautiful eyes that were so full of love that Alexander thought that he could just drown himself in them. “And that is why I need to marry you as soon as possible, Phai.” Alexander lightly brushed his lover’s cheek with his thumb and smiled happily when it made Hephaistion shudder. It was good to know that he also was capable of gentle touches that were making Phai feel good. “I cannot wait anymore. It will never be completely peaceful in here so I want to marry you by the end of this week. What do think about it, my beautiful prince?” 

„That sounds good, I am perfectly fine with that“, Hephaistion replied with a smile on his face, closing his eyes at Alexander's touch. So it really would get official. By the end of this week. His heart started beating a little bit faster at the thought of it, at the image that was forming itself in his mind. He would finally belong to Alexander, for good. Everyone would know what connected the king and himself, every single person. Including his family. Hephaistion hid his nose in the crook of Alexander's neck, smiling like an idiot. He could literally see his mother's face when she finally would realize that his younger son wouldn't give her any grandchildren. That definitely wouldn't happen, since Hephaistion decided to give himself fully to Alexander. He never was interested a lot in women anyway, it didn't even cross his mind once to marry one and when he would be officially taken, it wouldn't happen more than ever.  
„I can't wait to be _yours_.“

Alexander gently patted his lover’s head, feeling Hephaistion’s smile against his skin. It was good that both of them were so excited about the wedding because Alexander himself felt a little nervous even though he knew it was irrational. They were together for longer than he could remember but still it was somehow amazing that their relationship would get official. “You should probably go and see with your mother, Phai”, he murmured into the man’s hair, running his fingers along Hephaistion’s warm, solid body, trying to remember everything about him. “I would love to spend more time with you…” He squeezed his lover’s ass cheek and smiled delightfully when the touch made Hephaistion gasp. “But your mother is probably feeling confused in here.” Alexander couldn’t help himself and gently touched Hephaistion’s still sensitive hole. “And you should better go now, because in a minute I won’t be able to let you go anymore”, he said in a low voice with a predatory smile on his face as he slowly took his hands off of his lover even though it was a real torture to him. 

„I guess you are right.“ Hephaistion grinned and got out of the water, trying to ignore the tingling feeling on his skin where Alexander touched him mere seconds ago. Such a tease. This was a thing that apparently wouldn't change, ever, and Hephaistion couldn't help himself but grin at the thought that he was quite pleased with it.   
„My mother sure wants to know everything about the latest happenings. But using her to send me away... oh Alexander, you can say it directly when you don't want me around any longer.“ Hiding his grin, Hephaistion turned around after standing a few seconds longer in front of his husband-to-be, all in his naked glory, before reaching for a towel and drying his skin. „I guess we will meet at the dinner again?“, he asked innocently and dressed himself in one of his best silk robes. After all, he was going to meet his mother and had to look good, especially because he wanted to tell her the big news. Smiling at the thought of it, Hephaistion did his best and managed to hide every single hickey by draping his robe in the right way.  
Checking his appearance one last time, he turned around to Alexander again, a playful smile on his lips. „I bet my mother will get really excited when I tell her that her beloved son will get married.“

Alexander leaned his arm against the edge of the tub, closely watching every smooth move his lover was making to drive him insane. Now he regretted letting him go. They could take their sweet time and no one would question it. Being a king had its perks. “I am going to fuck you in that robe later”, he promised while licking his lips at the sight that Hephaistion was presenting. It was so unfair that his lover looked so damn sexy in everything he wore. Alexander could bet that he would look like a sex god even in martyr robes. But what really made the king shiver was the thought that all of this was only his. That from now on only he would be able to see his beloved friend torn apart under him, moaning and screaming Alexander’s name. “Come to me for a moment, my little king” he commanded, getting out of the water. He should probably tell him that the hickeys on his nape were still visible but he enjoyed the thought that everyone would know that Hephaistion was taken way too much. 

Hephaistion let out a small laugh at Alexander's words and shook his head in amusement. Alexander really was a kinky little bastard, always ready to go for another round but he himself would never complain. „Yeah, we will see if you're going to fuck me.“ He arranged his hair and flattened his robe, suddenly very nervous and wondering how his mother would react. He knew that she loved him more than anything but her reaction still could be a bit aloof, she was very hard to read and unpredictable. But he immediately felt relieved when he thought of Zora who definitely was going to be where his mother was as well. He already missed that little girl and couldn't wait to hold her again, losing himself in those big blue eyes that looked like his own. Hephaistion simply loved his little sister.  
Alexander's next words brought him back to reality and made him wrinkle his forehead with deprecation. „Your little king?“, he echoed, clutching his chest in shock, letting a pout play around his sinful lips as he was staring at Alexander. „I don't think that you're in the right position to call me so.“ He crossed the small distance between them nonetheless and tried to hide his smile. „What can I do for you?“, he asked and looked Alexander in the eyes, looking down at him from the small height the few centimeters he was actually taller than his lover were giving him. Carefully, he started to rub a very soft towel over his wet skin that covered his chest, without breaking eye contact. „My even smaller king?“, he added, mischievously grinning.

Alexander raised his eyebrow at Hephaistion’s words, clearly not happy about the tiny difference in their heights. But if Hephaistion wanted to play it dirty, he could play along. “Last night you were screaming something else”, he saidy and slowly took the towel out of Hephaistion’s hand and tossed it away, not breaking eye contact even for a second. He smiled mischievously and in the next second he had his lover in his arms, kissing him like it was the only thing keeping him alive. He didn’t even care that he destroyed Hephaistion’s perfect looks, completely wetting his silky robes and making a mess out of his hair. Not that Phai seemed to complain, giving himself completely to Alexander and kissing back with everything he got.   
“Did you forget who your king is?,” Alexander asked in a dark voice, looking into his lover’s fogged eyes. “Should I remind you of that?”, he added, making a hickey under his ear where he was sure that Phai wouldn’t be able to hide. He wanted everyone to know that Hephaistion fully belonged to him now. “Because it seems that you have a very weak memory, my love”, he smiled sinfully, massaging Hephaistion’s hard nipple through the robe with his thumb. 

Alexander's gaze made him swallow hard and he backed a little bit away, bringing the tiniest distance between their bodies, not breaking the eye contact, though. „Last night was last night“, he mumbled against Alexander's lips, slightly pulling at his lower one with his teeth. „And today is today“, he mused, quietly laughing about his own philosophical perception, before licking his own lips. He bent his neck in submission when he felt Alexander's lips against his skin and couldn't stop the small moan that escaped his throat. What an ass, playing so dirty on him. Didn't the king – and yes, he still could remember who his king was – recommend visiting his mother just minutes ago? Apparently he didn't know what he wanted. „I may be older than you“, he whispered, turning his head so that he could bite along Alexander's jawline.  
„But my capacity of remembering is still working very well.“ He bit his skin and heard the king moan what placed a dirty grin on his face. It was time for his payback, especially for last night.   
„And I can recall that you told me to go and visit my mother, didn't you?“ Hephaistion grabbed Alexander by his shoulders and pushed him against the wall, not caring about his naked back being pressed against the cold stone. „Or did _you_ forget“, he whispered while he pushed his own body against Alexander 's, grabbing his ass and lifting him up, grinning as Alexander looped his legs around his own waist, „your own command, my majesty?“

Alexander hissed when he felt the cold stone but said nothing about it. His future life as a married man was going to be very interesting, especially when it seemed that he would need to fight for his dominance in this relationship. Everyone always accepted that he was a king and no one would dare to undermine it. But he should have seen that Hephaistion wouldn’t just gladly follow his lead and for some reasons it was making him really horny. “It was just a suggestion, my love”, he said, feeling his dick getting harder with every second. He lowered his head and kissed his lover hard and demanding, bruising Phai’s lower lip in the process.   
“But I would much rather have you stay here so I could remind you who you belong to. Just to be sure that you won’t even look at any other man”, he smiled and stood back on his own feet again, looking at Hephaistion’s body with pure lust in his eyes which was covered by a very wet robe that wasn’t hiding anything at this point anymore. “Besides, you should change your clothes, my beautiful king. You would scare everyone with that…” Alexander’s hand enclosed around Hephaistion’s boner while the king still looked into his lover’s eyes, calculating how long it would take to break Phai’s strong will. 

„It's all your fault“, Hephaistion muttered as he looked down at his body, examining his wet clothes. He sighed, frustrated that he would have to get himself ready for his mother again. Plus, these were his favorite robes and now they were just ruined. And something deep inside of him told him, that they would look even worse after Alexander would be finished with him. He could tell by the other's hungry look.   
„But I bet you aren't even sorry...“ His voice was a whisper as he leaned forward to capture Alexander's lips in an intense kiss once again, moaning into his mouth as he felt the other's hand on his cock. Gasping for air, Hephaistion withdrew after a few seconds that felt like hours and looked at Alexander's face. His lust for him was written all over the king's face and it made him feel unbelievably good, knowing that his lover wanted him so much. But this time, he wouldn't give him what he wanted that easily.  
That's why he put his arms around Alexander's body, his hands found their way to his ass where they started to massage him.   
„Hmm“, he muttered then, teasing Alexander with his fingertips between his butt cheeks while he pressed his groin against the king's.  
„I guess you have to take care of it then?“

“I will always take care of you, Phai”, he murmured into his lover’s ear, moving his hand a little to give Phai some friction. “But I am still on top.” The king smiled victoriously and grabbed Hephaistion’s arms, taking them away from his ass. “And I am going to make you feel so good...” Alexander smiled and looped one of his arms around his lover’s waist, turning him around so that Hephaistion was facing the wall. The king slowly pulled up his robe, exposing his firm, round ass that made his mouth dry at the sight. “I swear that the longer we are together, the shorter your robes become”, he growled, getting down on his knees. “I bet you are just testing me, aren’t you, my love?”, he asked and gently bit Hephaistion’s ass cheek, but hard enough to leave a small bruise. He knew that he was a tease sometimes but he was pretty obvious in everything he was doing. Phai was a completely different story, always making his moves smooth like a chess player but now Alexander was sure that Hephaistion was toying with him and that Phai was the one to say the last word even though he made it look like it all was in Alexander’s hand. He was a sneaky bastard but the king couldn’t help but love him even more for their little games. 

Hephaistion couldn't help himself, he laughed. Bracing his body with his hands against the wall, he leaned his forehead against the cold stone and closed his eyes while he bit down on his lip so hard he could taste blood as soon as he felt Alexander's mouth on his ass.  
„Of course they are getting shorter“, he confessed, his breath got stuck in his throat for a moment but he caught himself only a second later. He wasn't allowed to falter now. Nah, wouldn't happen.  
„Because I have to keep you entertained somehow... not that you will get bored with me.“  
He looked down at his body and sighed when he saw the highly visible bulge his dick was forming under his robe. Damn it. He knew he couldn't resist Alexander but he was kind of sick of his own body betraying him like that.  
„And that's the last thing I want to happen, that's why I had to come up with something... and my short robes always do their work.“  
He grinned and moved his ass in a seductive way, nearly exposing himself to his lover.

“I knew it!” Alexander couldn’t help but smile. It was actually very nice that Hephaistion was always doing something to keep his king entertained. “But don’t shorten them anymore. I don’t want anyone else to see your beautiful body the way I do”, he murmured, gently massaging Phai’s thigh. “Phai…”, he moaned when Hephaistion practically exposed himself completely to him. “You will for sure be the death of me”, Alexander sighed and placed an open mouthed kiss on his lover’s hole, giving it a slow lick. He knew that Phai was still restraining himself from showing how much he wanted this but Alexander was sure that he was able to break his strong will so he licked his hole again and put his hands on Phai’s hips when the other started to tremble. So it seemed like he still was able to say the last word in their relationship. Well, at last when it came to sex but that still counted as a victory. 

Hephaistion really tried his best but it was impossible to restrain himself any longer. The incidents of the former night still lingering in his thoughts, he couldn't help but get horny, against his will. It was no use trying to hold back any longer, not with Alexander kneeling, fucking _kneeling_ , behind him and licking over his sensitive hole. If he concentrated hard enough, he could recall the feeling of the last night, the feeling of Alexander pounding hard into him and losing himself within him. And it made him lose his mind and giving up for good.  
„You litte shit“, is why he breathed moments later, spreading his legs a bit wider to be more comfortable, „you are using me like you want to and I don't have the slightest chance to withdraw from you.“ And Hephaistion really hated it. Where was his resistance to him? Where was the old Hephaistion who wouldn't give in so easily? He had to find his old self again, as soon as possible, or otherwise he would lose himself completely in Alexander. And the thought of giving the control to his heart instead of his head was frightening.

“Stop thinking, Phai”, Alexander sighed and bit the man's other ass cheek. “I can hear how hard your brain is working even now. Just let me take care of you, my king. I won’t let you down”, he promised and returned to his task, determined to finally make Hephaistion lose control. His lover really needed it, needed a break from everything and needed to let himself stop thinking and just feel. Alexander pushed the tip of his tongue into his lover, trying to make him loosen up a bit. It was kind of amazing how tight Hephaistion still was even though they had been making love so hard just few hours ago. But the king couldn’t wait to finally push himself into Phai’s hot body again and his hard, leaking dick wasn’t making things easier for him but they had time so he could still wait a bit even though his mind was nearly completely fogged from desire. 

„Easy to say“, Hephaistion got out in response between his gritted teeth, trying to oppress the moan that was building deep inside of his chest. „You know that I only work with by brain turned on and that I...“ He had to pause for a second to try and get some air into his lungs, which he pressed out when he felt Alexander's tongue slightly working him open. He opened his eyes and tried to regain his senses once more. „...that I like to overthink and analyse everything“, he managed to finish his sentence.  
He couldn't think straight anymore, just the thought of what Alexander was doing to him made him shiver, but actually _feeling_ it only made it worse for him. His legs began to lightly shake and he braced himself against the wall, wimpering softly when he felt Alexander's hot breath against his butt, which was more than ready for his lover, Hephaistion had to admit it to himself. Carefully and with the slowest motions possible, he leaned his forehead against his arm and with his right hand, which was released from holding him up now, he slid under the front side of his robes, feeling how his cock already leaked precome into the silk.  
„Ah, fuck“, he moaned, finally giving in and touching his dick by teasingly working his fingertips around the head, „what are you doing to me, my Alexander?“


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, Happy Easter to everyone who celebrates it. :)
> 
> I hope we didn't step on anyone's toes, given how all our commentators vanished all of a sudden...? Your approval always had been so motivated, so I really hope that no one feels insulted or got bored with this fic. :c

Alexander smiled victoriously and stood up but still kept his lover from falling on the hard floor. He was more than happy to see that Phai was finally shutting his smart brain up and melting under the king’s touches. He loved how witty and smart his lover was but sometimes, all he needed was to see him torn apart under him, completely at the king’s mercy. “So you already started without me, huh?” He couldn’t help but laugh a little when he saw that Hephaistion was touching his hard manhood and that sight made Alexander lust after him even more. How was it possible for a human being to be as arousing as a god? Alexander took his own dick into his hand and couldn’t help a little, relieved moan that escaped his parted lips. “Are you ready for me, Phai?”, he asked when he was finally able to form words again but he was pretty sure that he wouldn’t last long like this. Alexander lined the head of his manhood with his lover’s hole and gently pushed in a little, testing how much Hephaistion would be able to take at once. 

„Couldn't help myself, I am truly sorry“, Hephaistion grinned at his lover's words, only giving his own cock a tighter squeeze which caused him to finally let out a moan. He arched his back, pressing his ass against Alexander, now feeling his hard dick against his hole. His body shuddered with anticipation, imagining the things the other man could and hopefully would do to him, and it left him standing breathless in front of him. He didn't even know himself that he was so greedy and hungry for Alexander.   
He ground his ass against him, feeling how he pushed his cock deeper into him, slowly, bit by bit, and it was literally killing him. He restrained himself long enough now, Hephaistion thought, while biting his lip once again, and now it was okay to let go. To just let him fall apart under Alexander's touches. But still, a little bit of his reservation was left inside of him.  
To get himself out of his thoughts, Hephaistion nodded fiercely at Alexander's words, moving his hand on his dick faster.  
„Yes“, he moaned, the sensation of his stretched hole burning in the right way to make him feel impossibly good, „as you can see, I am more than ready for you.“

Alexander smiled and bit Hephaistion’s neck hard, keeping him in place as he entered him at once, forcefully and not so gentle but his lover’s loud moan made him sure that it was just what his Phai needed. “You are mine, Hephaistion”, he murmured, licking up the single drop of blood that flowed through the shallow wound he made on his lover’s neck. This time, Alexander was sure that Phai wouldn’t be able to hide it and he liked that idea a little bit too much.   
“And you will always be mine”, he murmured into the other man’s ear as he slowly moved his hips, pushing his dick deep into the welcoming heat of his lover’s body. The king moaned when Hephaistion rested his body completely against Alexander’s, sliding his long fingers into the king’s hair and pulling hard at it. Alexander nearly lost his balance but his soldier’s instincts kicked in and he quickly put his hand against the wall, keeping them both upright while his other arm was still secretively looped around Hephaistion’s waist. “Do you feel good?” Alexander looked at Hephaistion’s neck which was bared now and couldn’t help but lick at the necklace of dark hickeys decorating the pale skin. It made him warm inside that he made them and that he was the one who was making Hephaistion losing his mind. 

Finally, after seconds that felt like long hours full of agony, Hephaistion was able to fully feel Alexander's hard erection inside of him, and his throbbing made himself twitch the slightest bit in excitement. He couldn't hold his voice down, his earlier oppressed arousal was deluging his body now, and he could feel how he started to shake. It was unbelievable what an intense effect Alexander had on him. One touch of him was enough and Hephaistion's body was on fire. Turning his head around, he looked at Alexander's face, his eyes dark and filled with lust, and pulled his face closer to him, his fingers still buried in the other's hair.  
„No“, he answered after he kissed him sloppily, licking into his mouth and imitating what he wanted Alexander to do to him with his tongue; ravishing him.  
Breathless, he leaned his head back, exposing his neck so that his king had more room to look at his damaged and bruised skin. Even though he felt kind of embarrassed that everyone would see some of the hickeys, it also made him proud. He belonged to Alexander now and he would fight for his place. He wouldn't give it up, handing it to no one.  
„No, I'm not feeling good“, he added, grinning mischievous. Well, at least _not yet_.

It was a challenge, Alexander knew it, but he couldn’t stop a hard thrust to show his lover what he was capable of and who was in charge here. He loved their little games but he sometimes couldn’t help himself to play a little bit unfair. Just to spice things up a bit. “You are so demanding, my king”, he purred, thrusting fast and hard into the tight heat of Phai’s body. The way his lover was moving with him, confronting his every move and tightening around him was making him insane and he knew that at this rate, everything would be over too quickly but it was too late to slow down now. He knew that Hephaistion needed him as much as Alexander needed Hephaistion and he was showing it in every of his touches and kisses that were far from gentle. After that, Phai would for sure look like a victim of rape but Alexander couldn’t care less when his lover was moaning so beautiful into his mouth, encouraging him to go harder, to make him feel good and the king gladly was following Phai’s commands.  
“All… mine…”, Alexander panted, wrapping his hand around his lover’s throbbing erection. “Say that… Say that you are mine”, he ordered, masturbating him fast and hitting his prostate at the same time to make Phai even more addicted to the pleasure only Alexander could give him. 

Hephaistion was literally melting under Alexander's touches, he was so hard in his hand that he thought he would burst any second. But he had to restrain himself. He wouldn't give in so easily. Alexander's thrusts were hard and if he wouldn't brace himself against the wall, he'd smash face forward into it, but his lover's moans were telling him that he did a good work with backing his ass against him. So he could play his little game.  
Hearing Alexander's voice made him close his eyes, arousal washing over him like a wave. His arms trembled and he arched his back, resting his head against Alexander's shoulders.  
„So possessive today... aren't we?“, he gasped out between two breaths, an evil grin spreading on his lips. So the king wanted to know that Hephaistion belonged to him. That he was his, his belonging. Thinking about that made him laugh out loud. He was. Alexander knew it. But he wouldn't hear it, not now.  
Instead of answering him, he turned his face towards him, looking him into the eyes for a second, before he dissolved one of his hands from the wall and buried his fingers in his lover's hair once again, pulling him closer and biting his lip, kissing him in the most aggressive way he could manage from his current position. He had to show his very own king that he wasn't so easy to fuck around with.

Alexander hissed when Hephaistion managed to break his lower lip but the pain mixed with the pleasure and it made him feel even better than before. “I just like to… have you all to myself”, he responded, trying to catch his breath but it was getting really hard to breathe now when he was so close to his orgasm. The king knew that Phai was a sneaky brat and would never do as Alexander pleased but he was still up to making him moan sweetly even louder. It was mostly because of his pride but he actually liked to know that no one before him made Hephaistion feel so good even if the said man wouldn’t say that out loud.   
“Phai!”, Alexander screamed, nearly losing his balance as the orgasm hit him hard and he came deep into his lover’s body, knowing full well that it was just what Hephaistion was waiting for but he couldn't care less now when every cell in his body was vibrating with pleasure. He would endure Phai’s victorious smirks later when he would finally get back to earth. “Damn… you are so fucking sinful”, he murmured into Hephaistion’s ear, thrusting into him slower and more gentle now, giving them both little sparkles of pleasure. 

„You don't want to share me?“, Hephaistion asked, his voice as calm as he could keep it now, but at least it wasn't shaking. He bit back a shit eating grin when he felt how Alexander's thrusts grew more and more irregular and ferocious. „I'm afraid you will have to...“ … _at least with my mother who may kick your ass for ruining my looks like that_ , he thought, deliberately not telling it to him. Just because he knew how possessive Alexander could get. And he loved it when the king showed some affection... and jealousy. Normally, barely anything could get these reactions out of him and Hephaistion felt special and a feeling of merit grew in his chest and made him feel good. But Alexander didn't have to know that.  
The moment his lover came, his cock buried deep inside him, Hephaistion forgot how to breathe for a second. He closed his eyes, feeling him releasing himself in his body, his thrusts growing shallow. He chuckled, touching Alexander's cheek with one hand, feeling his lover's hot breath in his neck. „I know... but you love to sin, I know that.“ His own breath came hard and fast and the feeling of utter love suddenly filling his chest nearly made him collapse.

Alexander stiffed when the meaning of Hephaistion’s words finally got into his pleasure fogged brain. Automatically, his grip on Phai tightened and an unsatisfied growl came out of his mouth. “I am not willing to share my future husband with anybody”, he said with the promise of a very painful death in his voice. Just the thought that Hephaistion could be in the arms of someone else was making his blood boil in his veins. He would really kill anybody who would just as much as look at his lover for too long. Hephaistion was now his and only his. Their marriage was just a formal confirmation of that fact. The king squeezed his lover’s dick hard and pounded into him brutally again, showing him who he belonged to. “You are only mine, Hephaistion”, Alexander growled, clearly pissed off and out of control.. “And I am going to kill anybody who will touch you.” It wasn’t an empty threat and Alexander knew that Hephaistion was aware of the things the king was able to do so he hoped that it was enough to keep his future husband away from other men. 

„Fuck.“ Hephaistion bit down on his lip and tasted blood. Exactly this was what he wanted but he didn't expect his plan to work out so well. Alexander's brain worked a little slower when he was aroused, he knew it by now, so it was quite pleasurable that he could toy with him the way he wanted. He literally had him wrapped around his little finger. Alexander's voice was the most hottest thing he ever heard, he was sure of it, and it vibrated through every single fiber of his body.  
„Does the“, he started, but his words got disrupted by a loud moan escaping his lips when Alexander started to fuck him hard again. „Does the same thing count for me?“, he finally managed to gasp, his voice rough and ragged.   
Hephaistion wanted to add something to his previous words, but as soon as he opened his mouth, he came. Literally. He pressed his back against Alexander's body and moaned, totally pleased, feeling how he covered his lover's hand, who still was jerking him off with fast and tight motions of his hand, with his come. Oppressing the shaking which he could feel building itself deep inside his body, he let out a shaky breath and licked his lips, the metallic taste of blood filling his mouth almost immediately.

Alexander smiled mischievously when he felt Hephaistion’s hot semen on his hand. Slowly, he brought his hand to his mouth and licked Phai’s come, tasting him. Now, when both of them were satisfied, Alexander's thoughts were clearer as he wrapped his arms around Hephaistion and kissed him gently on the cheek. “Why should I desire another, my Phai, when I already have everything I want in my arms”, he softly whispered into his lover’s ear, letting Hephaistion lean against himself for support. Surprisingly, it was true. It was quite revealing for the king himself but Hephaistion was really everything he wanted and even more and he was sure that he never deserved so much but somehow he got it and it was making him warm with happiness. “I only love you and you know that.” Alexander kissed him slowly and a little sloppy, gently pulling out of him. “And I will desire only you, my love.” 

An unbelievably warm feeling flooded Hephaistion's body at Alexander's words. His whole body relaxed and he had to lean against his lover because otherwise his legs would give in, he was sure of that. He was literally melting. A smile formed on his lips as he turned around and put his arms around the king's waist, pulling him close to him so that they were standing chest to chest. „Good“, he whispered, as he traced Alexander's neck vein with his nose before he gently bit down at the skin in front of him, making a hickey right under his jawline.  
„Because I will make sure that my revenge will be deadly if you will ever lay your eyes on somebody else.“  
Hephaistion looked him straight in the eyes and kept his gaze for a few seconds, before he finally stepped away from his lover and examined his ruined clothes. Perfect. Now his favorite robe was ruined for good, Alexander would pay for that, sooner or later – he only had to think about a plan.  
Just as he opened his mouth to complain, he could feel Alexander's come leaking out of his used hole. Squinting his eyes and letting out an exhausted sigh, Hephaistion pointed an accusing finger at Alexander. „This“, he growled, „is rude. Now I definitely have to take a bath again. And I will be late.“

„You don’t need to fear that, Phai. I have my eyes only for you”, Alexander purred when his lover made an hickey in a rather sensitive place under his jaw. It was nice to have so much attention from Hephaistion even though he was sure that by the end of the day the whole palace would be talking only about their love affair. Not that he minded because he was going to confirm all the gossips by the end of the week. The king smiled wickedly when he saw a trace of his come flowing down Hephaistion’s thigh. Phai was really lucky that Alexander needed a few minutes to recover or a second round would be taking place right now. “You look so sexy now”, he purred, giving Phai’s ass a good smack. “But you better take a bath, I don’t want your mother to murder me for violating her precious son”, Alexander smiled brightly and kissed Hephaistion’s cheek as an apology. “I would rather marry you with her blessing.” 

„Good.“ Hephaistion smiled when Alexander kissed him on the cheek and leaned against his touch. „I am very appeased now.“ Entwining his arms a last time around his lover while kissing him hard, he squeezed Alexander's ass and let go of him, a mischievous smile on his lips.  
„Me too. And I bet she will torture you for ruining my looks like that. I can't believe you did this.“ He sighed heavily and rolled his eyes, slowly stripping out of his clothes again, letting them slip down to the floor bit by bit. Then, completely naked, he turned around and stretched his body. His bones cracked and his muscles flexed in the right places. With a satisfied moan, Hephaistion slipped back into the water and reached for the cloth. His skin was sticky and it was a good feeling to get rid of the sweat and when he reached down between his legs, his head rolled back and he sighed. Damn, his body really was spent. Alexander for sure would be his end someday.  
Peeking from under his eyelashes into the latter's direction, he got out of the water again after a few minutes and dried his body. He was wondering what his mother was doing by now and if she was waiting for him, so he decided to hurry now.  
„Will you come – and by that I mean _visit my mom_ “, Hephaistion let out a small chuckle, „with me or do I have to face her myself“, he motioned with his hand over his bruised skin, „like that?“

Alexander sighed and sat down on a couch while watching how his lover stripped down, showing even more reminders of their love making. He could bet that Hephaistion’s mother wouldn’t be pleased with that because the young man really looked like a victim of rape. But still, he managed to look like the son of Aphrodite. Sneaky bastard. The king was pretty sure that Phai was sent by the gods to be his end. He himself needed a good bath but he didn’t want to interrupt Hephaistion especially when the latter was putting on a show. Couldn’t he take a normal bath without tempting Alexander? Not that he minded but he was sure that Phai wouldn’t agree for the second round. The king smiled innocently when Hephaistion mentioned his bruises and just gave him a shrug. “Do you want me to come along with you? We will meet at supper anyway but at least I will have time to think how to convince your mother to give us her blessing.” Alexander smiled playfully and took Phai’s hand, kissing it gently. 

Hephaistion let out a small laugh and dropped a curtsy when Alexander kissed his hand. Bowing his head, he broke the contact between their bodies and kissed him on the head, before he turned around and went to the drawer, picking out the best fitting clothes available. His body ached with every move and he sighed relieved when the cold silk soothed his heated skin. When he finally was completely dressed, he examined his looks and let out a frustrated grunt. Alexander really ruined him, he looked horrible. Even though he managed to cover most of the bruises, the ones on his neck were still visible, he couldn't even drape his hair in the right way to hide them.  
After a while, Hephaistion turned back again and nodded at the king who was still observing him. He even placed a pout on his lips before he walked past Alexander, his head cocked in the opposite direction. „So?“, he said with a shifted voice. „I can see that you want a break from me, huh? That was pretty fast.“ Teasing, he batted his eyelashes at him, before he went to the door for good.  
„I can grant you that wish, my king.“ With a thud, he closed the door behind his back, his eyes locked with Alexander's until the very last moment, before the wood broke the connection between them and Hephaistion turned around to meet his mother.


	24. Chapter 24

Kapitel 24

“Brother, what the hell happened to you?” Leander looked at Hephaistion with horror in his eyes. His younger sibling was covered in bruises and there were so many of them that even Phai’s best efforts weren’t enough to hide them all. Leander adjusted his little sister in his arms and came closer to Hephaistion to inspect his injuries. It looked pretty bad and he was afraid that their mother would get a heart attack as soon as she would see that.   
“Oh…”, Leander sighed and rolled his eyes when he finally realized how Hephaistion got those love bruises. Of course his little brother was getting all the fun after being separated from Alexander for so long. Like, _one day_ long. But it seemed to be enough for the two of them to miss each other so much that the king made his brother look like this. “Mother is going to castrate him”, he said, rolling his eyes at the blush that was decorating Phai’s cheeks. 

„Please, don't _oh_ me.“ Hephaistion lowered his head to hide his blush that was creeping on his face when his brother finally got why he looked that spent. Feeling uncomfortable, he twitched and pulled at his clothes in order to hide most of his skin, but when he realized that he only made it worse, he immediately stopped and crossed his arms in front of his chest.   
Hearing Leander's words, a small grin built itself on his lips and he nodded in slight amusement. „Yeah, I can't wait to see his face when she tries to.“ Nervously, he sighed and stepped from one foot to the other, shifting his weight. He had no idea where his mother was and the fact that he also didn't know were Alexander was, made him feel kind of uneasy.  
„Leander“, he said after a while, looking at the back of his brother and Zora's little hands that clutched around his neck tightly, „I never truly apologized for my behaviour back home. You need to know that I'm sorry for that.“ He walked up behind him and slightly placed his arms around his brother's waist, hugging him from behind and smiled when Zora was peeking over Leander's shoulder and started to babble something happily as soon as she saw his face. Carefully, he put his chin on the other's shoulder and sighed. „I love you, you sour butt, you know that.“

Leander smiled and kissed Zora’s head. “I know that, Hephaistion. I love you, too, even though you are a pain in the ass.” He was really happy that his brother finally stopped treating him like a necessary evil. Hephaistion was his only brother and he missed the times when they were so close to each other and practically inseparable when Phai was coming home. “And I am sorry, too. I can see clearly how much you love Alexander”, Leander laughed and turned around to kiss his brother’s forehead. “But you should really try harder to hide it because you know how much our mother cares for you and she wanted grandchildren so much and it seems that she will have none.” Leander smiled mischievously. He already got to know some servant boys a little bit closer during the night and now he could see why Hephaistion was coming back home so rarely. Never in his life had he seen so many beautiful boys in once place. “Al least I hope that Alexander has some serious plans towards you. You know that our mother is a traditionalist but I think that you are no longer a blushing, virginal bride.” Leander smiled widely when he saw the indignation on his brother's face. Oh, how he missed teasing his little brother. 

„Oh, come on!“ Hephaistion slapped Leander's ass and backed off, turning his back on him. „It's not that I didn't try... but I don't care anymore, since it will be official soon.“ He observed his brother's face and smiled when the realization hit him. He already had a snarky remark on his lips, because seriously, him as a bride? But he didn't say anything and gently took Zora out of his arms to hold her himself, placing a soft kiss on her chubby cheek. She immediately buried her hands in his hair and laughed happily and it made his heart go warm.   
„Don't worry, I am sure that Zora will give her lots of grandchildren... just wait for her to grow up.“ Grinning, he hugged the little girl a bit harder, feeling how the love towards her was pouring out of every fiber of his body. And to be honest, the thought of any man coming near his little baby sister made him boiling with rage and jealousy but he had many years without any worry in front of him. He would deal with all the grabby hands when the time would come.

“Like I would let any of those assholes come near her”, Leander snorted, not willing to give their little angel to some brute caveman. She deserved all the best in this world and he was there to make sure that she would get it. “Mother is coming. You better explain everything to her or your beloved Alexander won’t be able to make you feel good anymore”, he smiled widely, clearly enjoying the fact that Hephaistion couldn’t do any harm to him with Zora in his hands. “Hephaistion!” Said woman smiled with love visible in her eyes at the sight of all her kids together. “I thought that we wouldn’t see you today.” She sighed and came closer, kissing her younger son’s cheek. “What took you so long, my son?” 

Hephaistion swallowed audible when he saw his mother approaching them. He automatically clutched his sister tighter and let a small nervous smile cover his face when he kissed his mother's cheek. „It's good to see you, mother“, he replied instead of answering her question and mentioned for them to sit down at the table in the empty room. He really didn't want to stand when his mother was going to stomp him into the ground. Without his mother noticing, he shot a glance to Leander who was still grinning mischievously and he kicked him lightly into the back of his knee, grinning satisfied in response when his leg gave in and he nearly fell face first to the ground.   
Sitting down, Hephaistion turned Zora in his arms so that she was sitting with her back to him now and rocked her slightly on his knees, and she clearly enjoyed it, being with her brother. It made him smile and he looked at his mother with a warm expression on his face, before he looked out of the window.  
„It's not important what took me so long, be glad that you got to see me today, beloved mother of mine.“ He cocked his head and laughed at her aghast expression. „Do you want something to drink?“, he asked then and called for a servant boy who quickly made his way to the family and bowed his head in front of Hephaistion.

“Hephaistion.” Alexia looked suspiciously at her son, narrowing her eyes at him. Now, when he put Zora on his knees, his neck was visible to her. And she didn’t like what she saw. “Would you like to explain to me why you like this?”, she asked with false calmness in her voice which made Leander so happy given the mischievous smile he was giving his brother. He deserved that for nearly making him fall on his face. “And how did this happen? Did someone hurt you?”, she asked, piercing Hephaistion with her gaze, concern clearly visible in her eyes.   
“Oh, I think he was enjoying it very much”, Leander grinned happily, winking at his little brother. He would never let go of a chance to make his brother feel a little uncomfortable. Besides, their mother would find about everything pretty soon anyway because there was no chance to keep secrets from her so he didn’t even feel bad about putting Hephaistion in an even worse position. And it was just the top of the ice berg. Alexander, even though he was a king, would suffer even more. 

Hephaistion sighed exhausted, placed his elbow on top of the table and hid his face in one of his hands. This couldn't be real. He still was lying in bed with Alexander and this was just a very, very embarrassing nightmare. „No, no one hurt me, mother“, he said carefully, peeping at her through his fingers and smiled reassuringly, ignoring Leander with all he got. What an asshole. Hephaistion would take his revenge as soon as possible. He couldn't stand his mother's gaze and she exactly knew what effect she had on her youngest son.   
„It's just that... oh god, what even is this situation...“ He shook his head and looked down to Zora who was playing with his fingers by now. Lucky girl, not aware of what was happening right in front of her. He definitely had to make sure that she grew up for his favour, so that she wouldn't be such a sarcastic and bugging ass like Leander was.   
„I... just happened to be in the lucky position for my love to be returned.“ He glanced for a second at her, then to Leander, wondering if he got this one out in the right way.

Alexia raised her eyebrow at him and sighed heavily. “It took you a long time to tell me that you are sleeping with the king”, she said with not even the slightest hint of surprise in her voice. “You knew it all along, mother?” Leander looked at her with disbelief while his mouth was hanging open. How could she know that? He was sure that Alexander and Hephaistion were very cautious. Well, at least until now. But still, how? He looked at his brother and shrugged his shoulders, trying to tell him that he didn’t say anything about that relationship. “Don’t you forget, my dear, that my room is very close the guests room.” Alexia slowly took a sip of her tea and looked at her younger son. “Your king is very wordy when it comes to you from what I heard. I just hope that these weren’t empty promises”, she said, kindly smiling and making Leander shiver. There was a death threat in her words and both of them knew that very well. 

The grunt that escaped his throat was totally unstoppable. Hephaistion hid his whole face in his hand now, feeling how a deep blush creeped up in his face, even his neck felt hot. „By the gods“, he murmured and let out a shaking breath, before he finally found the courage to look his mother right in the face. Her expression was torturing.   
„How... much did you hear and know by now?“, he asked agonized and looked away from her, back to Leander who seemed to be as strucked by the information that their mother knew it all along as him. Suddenly, he wished that Alexander would be here, helping him out of this totally embarrassing situation. He never felt this ashamed before, not in his whole life.  
„Just tell me what you heard and let's get over this. I want to forget that this conversation ever happened“, he said when he looked back at her.

“Don’t worry, sweetheart. I know about the king’s great plans towards you. But what I want to know is, if that they are really true or if they were spoken in the heat of the moment”, she answered and petted Hephaistion’s head. “I just do not want you to be his concubine even if you love him. Because you deserve much more than just a few fleeting moments in the king’s bed.” Alexia sighed sadly and took Zora in her arms who was already yawning, ready for her afternoon nap. “And don’t you dare to think that I do not know where you were disappearing to during the night, Leander”, she added when her older son tried hard not to laugh. Leander blushed like an apple and looked down at his hands. He though that he was really careful about it. “I am old enough to have some fun, mother”, he mumbled, feeling the tip of his nose burning with shame. “Yes. You are old, Leander. That’s why you should finally settle down.” Alexia looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “And you are an aristocrat so you should easily find someone even if that someone would be a man.” 

Hephaistion could feel how a grin started to spread on his face, despite the blush that still didn't want to leave his skin. But who cared about his blush when Leander got scolded by their mother himself? He didn't. He cackled quietly, before he focused his attention back on his mother after she took Zora out of his arms. The feeling of loneliness and desire for holding his sister again came immediately.   
„I would like to think that they are true. He loves me, mother“, he said in a steady, but calm voice and gave her an honest smile. Relief was flooding through him and he could feel how his body relaxed in such a pleasant way that he had to lean back and sigh. The biggest barrier was broken. His mother was okay with it and that was the most important thing for Hephaistion since he loved her more than anything – and letting her down or making her feel uncomfortable was the last thing he wanted to do.  
„She is right, Leander“, Hephaistion couldn't help but bite back while grinning viciously. „You really should settle down and as long as you keep your fingers away from what belongs to me I don't care who you choose.“  
He stood up and gave Leander's a shoulder a light slap and winked down at him, whispering into his ear so that only he was able to hear him.  
„Who knows, maybe you will make mother happy with giving her grandchildren sooner than she thinks she will become a grandmother, huh?“

“Like you are the one to say”, Leander growled, narrowing his eyes at his brother. It was a tradition for the older kids to get married first but Leander didn’t want to marry a woman. He simply didn’t have any interest in them and his also not-so-interested-in-women brother shouldn’t be bugging him about it. “Boys. Stop it. You are both too old to behave like kids.” Alexia sighed and gave Zora to Leander. “Put her to sleep. I need to talk to Hephaistion”, she ordered and stood up, looking expectantly at her younger son. “You shouldn’t think that I will just leave it like that”, she said at Hephaistion’s confused face. It was her duty to make sure that her boy would be happy and that Alexander would make sure to marry Hephaistion. King or not king, she had her ways to make things happen just the way she wanted them to. 

Hephaistion sighed and nodded at his mother who was now shooing Leander out of the room. Zora cuddled herself closer to his chest and closed her half lidded eyes which made him smile a bit. She really was cute, especially when she was sleepy.  
As soon as Leander closed the door behind him, Hephaistion averted his gaze and sighed again. He didn't want to know what his mother wanted to talk about with him. A feeling deep inside of him told him that it would get very uncomfortable for him.  
„What is it, mother?“, is why he asked after a few seconds of silence as he raised his eyes to look at her. „What do you want to talk about? I thought... now that you know, this conversation should be over...“

“I just wanted to know if you will really get married to Alexander”, she answered, looking at him expectantly. “I only want what’s best for you, my love. I can tell how much you love him but I also need to know if you are sure about all of this. He is a king, Hephaistion. He needs to have a heir. A heir that you are unable to give him.” Alexia sighed and took his hand, looking him into his eyes. “I do not want to see you heart broken when he would have to take a wife because of the law, my son”, she said softly with concern in her eyes. 

Hephaistion sighed at the words that were going right into his heart. He knew that. He was aware of the fact from the beginning. But he didn't want to think about it because it already hurt him beyond endurability, but now that his mother put his thoughts into words...  
„I know that this awaits me“, he murmured and squeezed Alexia's hand slightly, giving her a sad smile. „I know all of this... but... I really love him and hearing those words from him... In the beginning I was insecure about it, but I don't want to lose him.“ He looked at her and thought about his life, how it was when he came here in the beginning. Alexander always was there for him despite his status, they always were friends... and he somehow had to keep him by his side. No matter what. „What should I do?“, he asked, as he stood up and went to the window, and looked outside. Suddenly he felt very doubtful about all of it again.

Alexia sighed silently and put her hand on her son’s shoulder to reassure him. “It’s your choice, my love. I just want to make sure that you want this. If you find your happiness then go for it but you need to know that every relationship has downfalls. And yours can have a lot of them, given that he is a king and he has duties that he needs to fulfill. But that won’t mean that he will love you any less. I could see in his eyes how much he cares about you and I am happy about it.” Alexia kissed the back of his head and smiled a little. “Don’t worry, my love. You deserve some happiness.” 

„Downfalls?“ Hephaistion chuckled slightly, he nearly even snorted. Yeah. Their relationship didn't even start officially yet and he already had enough of any downfalls when he thought back. And he knew that it wouldn't be easy, but Alexander was worth it. He loved him so much, with all he got and he had been doing so for years now... so there was no way out for him anyway. He fully belonged to Alexander. „Thank you, mother“, he said after he collected his thoughts and turned around to her, looking into her eyes. „I know that you care for me and I love you for that. I am just happy that I got your blessings.“ He hugged her and kissed the side of her head, happy that she was here. After all, she was his mother and he loved her. Knowing that she was worried for him made him all fuzzy inside.

“I am just happy to see my little boy getting married”, she said with a happy smile. “I would just be so happy if your brother would do the same thing…” The woman sighed significantly, rolling her eyes. “But he prefers to fool around. And he is taking such a good care of Zora. He would make a fantastic father.” She rested her hands on her hips, wrinkling her nose a bit just like Leander when he was troubled by something. “But maybe after your wedding he will wise up a bit.” 

„Don't push him, mother.“ Hephaistion smiled and rubbed his neck with his right hand, thinking about Leander. He always had been a free spirit, never committing himself to anyone and Hephaistion nearly chuckled at the thought of him getting married. This just wasn't his brother. „He will find his place sooner or later. It's not his fault that I am such a flawless son.“ He bit his lips, still rubbing his neck, before he looked to the door. „It really is a nice view whenever I see him together with our little girl.“ Hephaistion imagined how Leander put his sister to sleep and it made him smile, suddenly wishing a little daughter for himself.

“And so humble!” Alexia laughed and rolled her eyes. “Both of you are precious to me.” The woman looked at Hephaistion’s neck and gave her son a meaningful look. “He really missed you a lot. So, when will I meet him? I need to talk to him a bit, make sure that my little boy is in good hands.” She smiled softly but with an evil spark in her eyes. 

„Please don't make him regret that he fell in love with me.“ Hephaistion laughed and tried to hide his blush that flushed his face once again. Then, he shrugged his shoulders, a thoughtful expression on his face. „I don't know... he said he had something to deal with and that we would meet him at dinner... I really have no idea where he is at the moment.“

“Well, then I will see him personally after dinner.” She smiled wickedly and patted Hephaistion cheek. “And you, my love, should better hide your neck if you do not want rumors getting spread in the palace because it’s really not hard to guess who did that to you. And beware of the ladies. You can never trust them with their intentions towards your future husband”, she added with seriousness in her voice. 

„I will try my best“, Hephaistion answered and nodded as if to reassure himself. He would do anything to be enough for Alexander even if it would be killing him. He wanted to make him happy – not just the king but his Alexander. He returned his mother's smile and reached for her hand. „I really tried to hide them, but it's of no use... and instead of helping, Alexander was enjoying seeing them way too much. Will you help me?“

„Yes, my love. I will do what I can but I fear that the king won't be pleased seeing you without them.” Alexia laughed a bit at her son’s expression and kissed him on the cheek. “Come with me, Hephaistion. I will cover it up”, she promised, taking his hand and leading the man to her room.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sincerely apologize for the belated update. :c
> 
> I tried to upload this fic like every monday, but sadly I don't have any corrected chapters in store anymore and since my classes at university started again, I have a hard time keeping up since I am correcting it on my own... 
> 
> But I will try to upload on time like usual! So sorry again, and now please enjoy the chapter. ♥
> 
> Yumicho

Alexander smiled widely when he saw Hephaistion coming along with his family to the dining room, little Zora in his arms, playing with a stuffed toy that the king gave her through a servant girl as a present the day before. It was a beautiful sight, dreamlike and for a moment Alexander couldn’t help but imagine that the love of his life was carrying their child, both looking so beautiful and both only his. It actually made his heart ache a little that they couldn’t have a child together and that someday he would have to procreate a heir. With a woman. But he quickly shook those thoughts out of his head when Hephaistion came to him with a shy smile on his face and sat down on his right side. Alexander smiled at him and petted Zora’s head while the rest of Hephaistion’s family sat down on their places.  
“It is a pleasure to see you back in a good condition and full glory, my king.” Alexia smiled sweetly at Alexander when the man finally took his eyes away from Zora and the king already knew that he was in a deep trouble because there was something disturbing in the way that Hephaistion’s mother was looking at him. He couldn’t deny that she was looking friendly and nice even though it was visible in her every move that she was an aristocrat. But still, he felt like Alexia was penetrating his soul, searching for something bad. That reminded him of his mother’s gazes that were always piercing through him. “It is actually my pleasure to have you all as my guests”, he answered kindly even though a cold shiver ran down his spine. In any other situation he would have found it funny that a woman made him shiver but it wasn’t just a mere woman. She was Hephaistion’s mother and he knew that he was walking on very thin ice here. Of course her opinion on his and Phai’s wedding didn’t actually matter but Alexander knew how his lover was connected to his family and that his mother’s disapproval would make him feel down. That’s why he needed to play it cool. Suddenly, he regretted marking Hephaistion with love bites and hickeys in the morning.  
“Being your guest is a really wonderful thing and the palace is even greater than I remember. I can clearly _see_ now why Hephaistion was coming back home so rarely”, Alexia responded, slowly drinking her wine but never taking her eyes off of Alexander. The king smiled a little nervously, exactly knowing what she was actually referring to. He was screwed. He hazarded a brief glance at his lover but Hephaistion was occupied with his sister and he was looking stubbornly at Zora like the whole conversation wasn’t about him. “I was never keeping him here against his wish, mylady. But I should say that I really enjoyed and still enjoy his company. He is one of the greatest soldiers I have and a man with honor. But on top of that, he is the only truly friend I have and I love him with all my heart”, Alexander said, while looking Alexia in the eyes. He knew that he should prove his worth now because the woman wouldn’t just let it go, especially after being kept in the dark for such a long time. Besides, only heaven knew how much she actually knew about their relationship.  
“I am sure of it and I am very proud of my son, even though he was keeping things from me. But he is still my son and I care for him and his happiness,” Alexia said with a smile that made Alexander shiver even more. “And I will do _anything_ to make sure that he is happy and loved here.” 

Hephaistion couldn't help himself when he saw Alexander's facial expression, clearly feeling very uncomfortable with his mother here: he had to grin. She really did a great job, though, he had to admit, because he knew how intimidating her looks could get. And it was obvious that Alexander had to suffer the full extent of it now. Carefully hiding his grin in Zora's hair, he tickled the little girl and smiled when she laughed at him wholeheartedly. He reached for his cup of wine and took a little sip, before he looked over to Alexander. Accidentally, he caught his gaze and grinned, putting all the mischievous glance in his eyes he could gather together. Alexander definitely deserved this. Not only for making him feel so embarrassed in front of his mother. As well, because his body was ruined now and would be for days.  
Hephaistion turned his eyes away from him to his brother, who sat next to him, after he sent his king a little wink. He just loved his mother and he was sure, that she wouldn't hurt Alexander. Well, at least not too much.  
He handed Zora over to Leander, who placed her on his knees so that she was facing Hephaistion, who started to play peekaboo with her by now, only because he couldn't stand it to watch Alexander's maltreated expression.  
Otherwise he would start to laugh, he knew it.

Alexander just couldn’t believe what he just saw. Hephaistion was clearly enjoying his torture and wasn’t planning to help him. Great, just great. Even Leander was doing a poor job at hiding his amusement. He should have known better than marrying Hephaistion. But he would get his revenge as soon as he and his fiancé would be alone in their dorms. “I would never put that in doubt, mylady. But now it is my job to make sure that Hephaistion is safe and happy and I will also do anything to make my words come true. And it would be a great honor for me if you would bless our marriage”, he said slowly but steadily, studying her expression. She didn’t seem to be surprised so Alexander guessed that Hephaistion already told her about everything.  
“Of course you would, your majesty. I would not let my son marry anyone who would be unworthy of him. You are of course the best match for him and I can see how much he loves you but that does not mean that I will let my guard down. My children are my whole world to me and I would do anything for them. Is that understood?”, she asked with a sweet smile but with cold eyes, that were making Alexander want to run away but he didn’t avert his gaze. “I am happy to hear that Hephaistion has such a great mother but I will never hurt him because he is also my whole world”, Alexander said softly, taking Hephaistion’s warm hand into his. “And I love him more than anything.” 

If someone told him, how funny it could be to watch the king flounder, Hephaistion wouldn't have believed it. But actually seeing it was simply the best. Apparently Leander was also enjoying himself, regarding his elbow that he was poking into his younger brother's ribs now.  
Even though he had the feeling he would burst from all the oppressed laughter, Alexander's words made him feel all fuzzy and warm inside. When he lifted his gaze to meet the other's eyes again, he returned the tender look his lover was giving him, and it made his heart beat faster in an instant. It was unbelievable what only a single _look_ of Alexander could do to him. He truly was his now and he loved it.  
„I really appreciate your love and concern towards me“, Hephaistion said after Alexander reached for his hand, giving it a tender squeeze. „And we all know that you will look after me no matter what. I want to thank you for that, and that you give us your blessings.“  
He decided to finally release Alexander out of this conversation even though it was very entertaining, but he couldn't see his lover suffering that much. Thinking about different ways to make him suffer that he acutally _liked_ , Hephaistion looked at the king and kissed the back of his hand.  
„And I want you to know, that I am very happy with him. I love him more than my life.“

“I know, my love. And I really wish all the best for you two but I want you to know, my love, that if anything will happen I will be always there for you”, Alexia said with satisfaction in her eyes but Alexander could read a hidden threat in her words. Mothers were truly dreadful creatures and he was actually happy that he was marrying a man. At least Alexander knew what Hephaistion was capable of doing and with women nothing was to be granted. “I can give my word that no harm will fall upon my beloved fiancé. I will always protect him even though he can easily protect himself.” Alexander smiled widely and kissed Hephaistion’s hand, hoping that Alexia would finally give up on torturing him. It wasn’t funny for him, especially when he knew that Alexia’s words weren’t just empty threats. 

Hephaistion grinned at Alexander's words and nodded, looking his mother straight in the face. „Yes, mother, it's important for him to say that I am fully able of defending myself, because sometimes I think he forgets what I am capable of.“  
He caressed Alexander's skin which covered the back of his hand with his thumb, a smile on his features. It really was true, he had to show Alexander that he still was a vital, strong young man. Maybe he just shouldn't give in to him that easily like he did the past few weeks...  
Yes. He really liked that idea. Hephaistion grinned even wider, thinking about all the small, sweet moments of victory that were waiting in front of him, before he let go of Alexander's hand and motioned to the table.  
„I think we got this through now. Aren't you hungry, mother? Speaking for myself, I'm starving.“  
And with that he reached for the bread.

“I know what you are capable of doing.” Alexander smiled and reached for his wine. Hephaistion defeated him a lot of times when they were younger and he was sure that Phai was still able to win with him from time to time. “And I would never put your abilities in doubt, Hephaistion.”  
“I need to be fit, my love. Zora requires a lot of attention and I need to be able to catch up with her, especially now when she is trying to walk by herself.” Alexia smiled warmly at her daughter who was now asleep in the arms of her older brother. “You are fit enough, mother. Besides, I am also here for our little girl.” Leander kissed the top of Zora’s head and looked at Hephaistion. “So when exactly are you planning the wedding? From what I can tell you are in a hurry.” The man wiggled his eyebrows at his brother, grinning wickedly. “Because there is no way that I’m gonna skip that. And you shouldn’t eat so much before your wedding, my dear brother. You won’t fit in your bride’s robe.” 

Hephaistion nearly choked. „Excuse me?“, he said with playful indignation in his voice, cocking his head at his brother while he furrowed his brows. „You haven't seen me in my whole glory, my dear Leander.“ He slapped him hard on the back of his head and took a big bite of his bread on purpose. „But I know that it's the jealousy that speaks for you. I mean, of course you are jealous. I am so fit and handsome... you'll never reach that state. Not in your whole life.“  
He looked over to Alexander and smirked, before he tilted his head to one side, his grin turning more tender and less evil. „By the end of this week“, he finally answered his brother's question and caressed Alexander's cheek with one of his hands. „Of course we are in a hurry... or at least, I am. I want it to be official so that no one would dare to take my precious love away from me.“  
Leaning over to place a chaste kiss on his lover's lips, he smiled and shot a short but meaningful glance over to his mother. But it didn't last long, because he focused his attention back on his brother. „And you, my dear, are a little bit too cocky for my taste.“

Leander opened his mouth, a snarky remark on the tip of his tongue when he felt a kick on his shin. “Not even a word more!” His mother shot him a death glare before he even managed to let out a painful moan. “I am ashamed of both of you. You are both too old to act like this anymore”, she said in a cold voice, making both of her sons freeze in place and look guilty down on their plates. “I thought that I raised you better than this.”  
“Sorry mother.” Leander didn’t look like he was sorry at all because of the lost chance to play a bit on his brother nerves. And now he lost the chance. Good thing that he had Zora in his arms so he could just concentrate on her angel like face and not think about his stupid little brother who was going to become a king by the end of the week. “It is alright. I don’t mind.” Alexander smiled a bit in the direction of Alexia who was still glaring at her sons and sighed a bit, hoping that Hephaistion didn’t take a lot after his mother or he was going to be in even more trouble, being bossed around by his lover. And he had a feeling that Hephaistion could be really bossy but he just didn’t show it until now, waiting for Alexander to fall head over heels for him. Oh yes, he was screwed. 

„I have more right to behave a little bit spoiled than him, mother. Since I am the younger one...“ Hephaistion couldn't hold back the comment even though his cheeks blushed the slightest bit. His mother was right, though. He shouldn't pay a lot attention to the mocking things Leander was saying. He definitely was too old for this and not in the position anymore.  
Smiling, he placed a kiss on top of Zora's head and carefully took her out of Leander's arms without waking her up. „I will put her to sleep now, mother, so you will have time to scold Leander some more. And to get to know better your future son-in-law.“ He winked at Alexander, knowing perfectly well what he was doing to him, and gently pushed Zora's head against his shoulder, leaving them alone.  
„I will see you later, Alexander“, he murmured as he passed him and ignored Leander, who started to chuckle at the faint blush that covered the king's cheeks at his words – and Alexia's glare.

# ~*~

Alexander soundlessly walked into his dorms and smiled a bit when he saw Hephaistion lying on the huge bed, protectively curled around Zora’s little body. It was all that he wanted – a real family and despite the fact that Alexia was tracking his every move, the king wanted them to stay here as long as possible, just to have Zora with them for longer. The king took off his clothes and put on some cotton pants before slowly lying down on the bed on the other side of Zora. He kissed the girl’s head and looked at Hephaistion who was now staring back at him. “Hey, Phai”, he murmured, putting his hand on the other man’s hip. “Sorry for waking you up”, he added while smiling happily. Just seeing his fiancé was enough for him to forget about all the threats from Alexia and Leander as well because how could he possibly hurt the love of his life? 

After Hephaistion entered the room and lay down on the bed, it didn't take Zora long to finally fall asleep again after she woke up in his arms on his way here. She babbled something, her blue eyes half lidded, but her babbling stopped as soon as Hephaistion sat down besides her, caressing her forehead, before he kissed her and lied down himself. She soon fell asleep and only the sight of her little hands, balled into even smaller fists and how she curled one of her hands into the front of his clothes made him smile happily.  
He just stroke a curl out of her face when he heard how the door was opened. Not bothering to lift his head, he waited until Alexander came into his view and smiled. „It took you pretty long“, he whispered back and grinned, thinking about his mother and how she could have tortured the king.  
„Are you alright? I hope she didn't rip you apart.“

“She tried to”, Alexander joked, caressing Hephaistion’s soft skin with his thumb. “But I think I proved my worth to her.” The king smiled lazily and looked down at Zora. “I wish she could stay here with us forever”, he said softly, not looking at Hephaistion so his lover wouldn’t see the longing and sadness in the king’s eyes. It was really depressing that Hephaistion couldn’t give him a child. Of course, he didn’t blame him for that and his love for the man was still as strong as ever but he was sure that their child would be beautiful and strong. But that was impossible. “How long will your family stay? I mean, after all of this will calm down?” He tried to keep his voice mildly interest just to not let Hephaistion know how much he craved for a child. “I need to know how much of a life I still have”, he said with a smile, trying to hide his feelings behind a joke. 

Hephaistion sighed a bit and his smile faded. „Yes, I am sure you did. She knows how much you mean to me and that alone is enough for her.“ He closed his eyes at Alexander's touch and sighed again, feeling how Zora moved between them, pushing her little body closer to his chest.  
„I wish that, too...“ His voice was so low, he wasn't quite sure if the king even heard him, but when he opened his eyes again, he wasn't looking at him. Lifting his hand to touch his neck and tenderly stroking his skin, he smiled.  
„If I will ask my mother nicely... who knows, maybe they will stay for a while.“ He leaned over to him, without crushing his little sister under his body and kissed him.  
„I don't want Zora to go, either“, Hephaistion said after a few seconds of silence and touched her hair before he reached for Alexander's hand. Even though the other did everything to hide himself behind his usual stoic self, Hephaistion could practically feel his sadness. And he felt the same. Recalling his mother's words, a short pain hurt his chest and he averted his own eyes, knowing very well that Alexander would lie with a woman someday because he needed a heir. And that day wasn't far in the future, he knew it.

“That’s alright, Hephaistion.” Alexander smiled and kissed his lover’s hand, fully knowing what Hephaistion was thinking about. It was really depressing that they weren’t even married yet but they were already worrying about the child that would have to appear sooner or later. “I will always love you and only you. Nothing will change that.” The unsaid _even if I would have to marry a woman_ hung between them but Alexander didn’t dare to say it out loud. It would only hurt even more and they didn’t need that. The king learned long ago that he should just enjoy the brief moments of happiness and don’t think too much about the future. “I just want you to remember that you will be my only one, Phai. The only one that I will ever love. I promise you this”, he said in a quiet but sure voice, looking his lover straight in the eyes. Maybe he would have to marry a woman in the future but his heart belonged only to Hephaistion and that would never change. 

Hephaistion tried to smile and closed his eyes when he felt hot tears burning in them. But he managed to collect himself before he could set them free. He knew what Alexander was implying there and even though he believed him, it didn't hurt less. But he had to cope with it – and he would. He wouldn't show any signs of weakness, not even in front of Alexander. When the moment would come, he'd hide his heart behind a barrier he would start to build from now on.  
Hephaistion simply had to be prepared for the moment when his lover had to become the real king.  
„I know“, he whispered after he cleared his throat and when he opened his eyes again to look into his lover's eyes, there were no tears left.  
He would stay strong, for Alexander - and for his own sake.

“Sleep, my love.” Alexander moved a bit closer and covered both Hephaistion and Zora with a quilt. “You need to rest. We will have to prepare everything tomorrow since our wedding will be in two days. We will do it however you want it.” The king smiled and put his arm around Hephaistion’s waist. “But now sleep because I can bet that our little girl will wake us up in the morning.” The man yawned and closed his eyes, completely unaware that he was already treating Zora like his own daughter. It just felt natural for him. And she resembled Hephaistion so much that it was actually very easy to imagine her as their child.


	26. Chapter 26

Hephaistion woke up first the next morning, due to Zora's kicking against his ribs. He nearly moaned in pain but when he looked over to Alexander, who was lying close to him, fast asleep, he bit his lips and kept quiet. It was such a peaceful view that it literally made his heart ache. His face fast soft, a relaxed expression on it and his hand at Zora's back, holding her loosely, wasn't making it any better. Hephaistion swallowed and touched him slightly, smiling when he murmured something in his sleep. But the peace didn't last long, Zora's kicking grew stronger and she would start to wail any moment, Hephaistion could tell.  
That's why he carefully removed Alexander's hand and got up, his sister close to his chest, rocking her on his hips.  
„Shh, little girl“, he cooed as he was walking towards the door after he fixed his messy hair with one hand. „You don't want to wake him up, do you?“  
But apparently she did, because he had to try harder to calm her down if he didn't want to wake up Alexander. He needed to sleep longer. He glanced over to him and smiled when he realized that they didn't wake him up, and got outside the room, closing the door behind his back.  
„I bet you are hungry, little princess. We'll get you to your...“ Hephaistion stopped in his tracks, in the middle of the corridor, and stared in front of him. He nearly said grandmother. Blinking slowly, he shook his head. What the hell was wrong with him, was he already that attached to his sister that he thought of her as his own daughter? His eyes widened as he looked down at her, but smiled when he saw how she looked at him, those blue eyes just like his own.  
„Mother will take care of you, darling. I have a lot of work to do today.“

Alexander slowly woke up with a pleasant pain in his muscles. He couldn’t remember when was the last time when he slept for so long but he was definitely content because of that. And the fact that his fiancé and little Zora were there with him only made him more happy. With a happy smile he opened slowly his eyes only to find out that he was alone in the bed. His smile quickly vanished and immediately he was completely awake. “Hephaistion?”, he asked the empty room, looking around. He touched the sheets where his lover and Zora were lying and it was still warm so Hephaistion for sure didn’t go very far and even though Alexander knew that nothing bad had happened he didn’t like the idea of waking up alone. Quickly, he stood up and put some shirt on. Not even carrying about the shoes he walked out of his dorms and started to look for his lover. He kept telling himself that the little dose of fear that was tightening his chest he was only because of the fact that it still wasn’t completely safe in the palace and Hephaistion wouldn’t be able to defend himself well enough with Zora in his arms. “Did you see Hephaistion?” Alexander caught a servant boy even before he tried to bow and looked into his frightened eyes. “Y-yes, your majesty. K-kitchen…” The boy looked like he was ready to wet his pants so Alexander just nodded his head and let him go. He was really becoming paranoid when his own servants feared him so much. But that wasn’t important now so he just hurried to the kitchen, wanting to finally find Hephaistion. “Phai…”, he quietly breathed out when he walked into the kitchen where his lover was staning with his back to him, little Zora in his arms as he fed her with milk. Alexander came closer and snuggled his arms around his lover’s waist. “You shouldn’t run away this early in the morning. You already said yes to my proposal so there is no going back now”, he murmured softly into Phai’s ear and started to plant lazy kisses on his nape. 

Glad about the fact that he could read Zora's signs of discomfort, Hephaistion quietly was humming a tune that calmed the little girl down while he fed her slowly. Drinking the milk greedily, Zora was finally quiet.   
He smiled down on her and tensed when he felt how someone approached him, but he immediately relaxed when Alexander's arms sneaked around his waist.  
Feeling safe, he leaned into his touch and placed his head against the other's, closing his eyes. „I didn't want to wake you up“, he explained himself, feeling overwhelmingly domestic all of a sudden. He never felt like this before and it made him shiver. He wanted this, he _needed_ this in his life. A family, Alexander. Soon, Alexander would be his family. He turned his face towards him and kissed his temple, feeling his lips on his skin.  
„Our little girl already started to become discontent and I headed out before her wailing could wake you up, my king.“

“So you think that the king isn’t capable of taking care of a toddler?”, Alexander asked teasingly, now fully relaxed when Hephaistion was safe in his arms. It felt kind of odd to him to be this close to someone. He never felt true motherly love, not to mention his father that didn’t care about him at all. And he didn’t want that for his own children. “I think I know how to take care of a child”, he murmured and kissed Hephaistion lazily, without any rush in any of his movements as he gave his lover a belly rub. “It’s not so complicated.” Alexander smiled and petted Zora’s head. “She is a really beautiful girl. She will be a heartbreaker in the future. But we won’t let any filthy man around our little princess”, he cooed at the baby girl who was looking at him and trying to grab his hair that was now growing out. 

„She is not just a toddler“, Hephaistion smiled back in response and placed the now empty milk on a table in front of him. „She clearly comes after me and you know how stubborn I can become when I don't get what I want.“  
Cackling quietly, he fully turned around to him now, gently rubbing over Zora's back until she slightly burped. He kissed her forhead and looked at Alexander, the love for him clearly visible in his eyes. „We will take care of her, I am sure of that.“  
When Zora started to reach out for Alexander, Hephaistion smiled and moved her in his arms until he had a good grip under her armpits. „Do you want to hold her?“, he asked and looked expectantly at him while Zora made grabby hands at his blond mane.

“Of course!” Alexander took the little girl in his arms without any hesitation and smiled widely when Zora put her chubby arms around his neck and cuddled him. “She is so adorable. Good thing that she can’t talk yet or I would be screwed. The two f you wouldn’t let me live in peace.” The king kissed the girl's head and looked at his lover with a mischievous smile. “Shouldn’t you be preparing our wedding? I will take care of that little lady”, he said while snuggling her closer. There was no way in hell that he was letting her out of his arm reach when he finally could have her a little bit for himself. 

Hephaistion smiled and stilled for a moment to fully take in the sight in front of him, enjoying the warm feeling that built itself inside of his chest. He didn't add anything to Alexander's words, but when the other placed a kiss on top of Zora's head, he moved again and shook his head.  
„Only because I agreed to marry you I won't take over all the work, sweetheart. I am not your servant.“  
Grinning, he passed him and kissed him on the lips, burying his own hand in the other's neck.   
„I will see you later then, darling.“ And with that he left, longingly looking back to both of them.

# ~*~

Being totally enervated, Hephaistion sighed angrily and yelled at one of the servant boys who dropped a plate for the third time in a row now.  
„For god's sake, I really need to do this by myself!“ Normally he wasn't like this, all worked up and losing his cool composure, but it was the day of his wedding and those idiots couldn't even manage to place the plates with the food on the tables without crashing them. He wanted it to be perfect, so he definitely didn't need any unnecessary problems right now.  
Snorting at the fearful look of the boy, Hephaistion approached him and patted him gently on the shoulder. „I am sorry“, he said, „I didn't mean to yell at you. You can go now, I can finish the rest on my own.“ Grateful, the boy, who painfully reminded him of Goran, bowed in front of him and hurried away. It wasn't that much work left anyway, so he dismissed all the other boys, sitting down for a moment while he hid his face in his hands. The thought of Goran suddenly made his heart go heavy in his chest and he sighed, but when he felt something tiny licking at his calf, he averted his eyes and nearly choked.  
„Kadar!“, he called out surprised and reached for the tiny dog that was wiggling its tail at him. Oh lord, what a surprise, he totally forgot about his little dog! He immediately blushed and felt terribly bad, and he lifted his eyes to look around the room – at the door, his gaze fell on Nevena who was smiling at him, even though her head was cocked and she stood with her hands on her hips. „I can't believe you actually can remember his name, Hephaistion“, she said with playful authority in her voice, but the young man could see the love in her eyes. „Did you take care of him? Oh my, I can't believe I totally forgot about him...“ Kissing the little dog on its head, he released him and stood up to hug his friend.  
„I only came to wish you all the best. Leander is looking for you. He wants to make sure how to behave as your best man, you should see him... all nervous despite his normal arrogant behaviour.“ She laughed and patted his shoulder, taking Kadar up her arms. „I will bring him back to you after your wedding night“, she winked and went to the door, grinning widely. „He is yours after all and as you can see, he really missed you.“  
Nodding, Hephaistion smiled back at her and waved, before he looked back at the table. Everything was ready, so he should go and search for Leander before his brother could ruin anything with his jumpiness.

“Are you sure that I look good enough, mother? It is a royal wedding, I need to look perfect.” Leander grimaced at his reflection in a big mirror and smoothed the unexisting wrinkles on his new robe. Alexia just rolled her eyes at her son’s behavior and sighed heavily. “Do not worry, Leander. I am sure that all the boys will throw themselves at you.” The man blushed a little, never expecting his mother to be this perceptive. Because honestly, the royal wedding meant that there would be a lot of aristocratic boys that he was very eager to fuck. Probably most of them were still virgins. The thought alone made his dick twitch in interest. That’s why he needed to show himself from his best side. Maybe he would also catch some nice fiancé for himself. It wouldn’t be all that bad from what he saw from Hephaistion. Some beautiful, young boy to have for himself was actually a pretty good idea. Leander always considered himself as a free spirit but now he felt that he could at least try to be with someone in a longer relationship. “I just don’t want to ruin that brat’s wedding”, he said evasively and nearly jumped when he felt a needle prickle his skin. “Mother!” “I told you not to move.” Alexia looked at him innocently and took the needle away from her son. “And watch your mouth, young man, because tomorrow that _brat_ will be a king.” “He can’t rule his own ass”, Leander murmured under his breath, crossing his arms on his chest. He loved his younger brother but there was no way that he would just easily accept the fact that Hephaistion would be, in fact, his king. He was still his younger brother whom he taught how to fight and how to climb on trees. But now Phai was getting married. To the king. So it basically meant that also Leander would be a part of the royal family which wasn’t so bad at all. 

After a few more minutes of silently rearranging the plates on the tables, Hephaistion decided it was time to go. His heart beated madly in his chest when he thought about Alexander. Just a few more hours and he would be his. His husband. Alexander would fully belong to him. The blue eyed man nearly giggled but contained himself, straightened his back and cleared his throat as he reached the dorms where his mother lived while she was staying at the palace.  
He knocked three times and opened the door, peeking inside and laughed quietly when he saw Leander standing still and his mother buzzing around him. Her face immediately lit up when she saw her son and it made Hephaistion smile.  
„I can see that you are getting ready, Leander“, he said after he hugged Alexia and gave her a kiss on the cheek. „You are truly looking good. I bet you will have an interesting night.“  
He laughed and easily dodged his brother who tried to hit him but he stood still only seconds later after Alexia hit him on the back of his head.  
„I need you to behave“, Hephaistion murmured, his voice low and serious. „Please wait with checking the boys out, I need to get married _first_ , before you will break hundrets of hearts, alright?“ _… and asses_ , he added in his thoughts and grinned at that.  
„Could you do that for me? Please?“, he asked, his voice turning very sweet while he batted his eyelashes at Leander.

Leander sighed heavily and looked down at his little brother. “I was changing your diapers when you were an infant, I was patching up your bruises, protecting you from bullies and sleeping with you when you had nightmares. Do you really think I would ruin your wedding now? You are the only brother that I have and I love you”, he said and smiled widely, bumping his forehead with his brother’s. “It will be alright. It will be more than alright. It will be perfect. And I promise not to check on boys until at least I will make the first toast for my little, blushing brother. And do not worry. I will completely embarrass you. I have so many embarrassing stories about you. Ah! It will be truly perfect!” Leander grinned widely and dodged his brother’s fist that was trying to hit his stomach. He laughed happily and wrestled a bit with Hephaistion until he felt another smack on his head. “I was perfecting this robe whole day Leander! Do not dare to destroy my hard work now!” Alexia glared at him, holding a wooden measure that was pointed now at her older son. “And since you cannot sew you better do not move now. I still need to mend it in a few places.” 

Hephaistion grinned and let Alexia pass him to continue her work on Leander. „You know, sweet brother of mine“, he said after he looked at them for a few seconds, feeling incredibly happy that his family would witness this special day in his life, „you are older by one year and a half. Don't behave like a wise man, because you aren't. And don't think that I don't have any stories to tell. After I'm finished with you, none of the boys would even want to come _near_ you.“  
He sticked his tongue out at Leander and turned around.  
„I need to go now, getting ready, you know. I can't wait to see you later... and Leander: I meant what I said!“  
Hephaistion closed the door behind him and made his way to his own dorms, slowly getting nervous. He rubbed his slightly sweaty hands against his robes while he walked down the corridor, wondering where his lover... no, husband was. Looking around for any witnesses, he finally let out the giggle that hung low in his chest for minutes now. He nearly jumped a bit in his happiness, feeling like a little boy but he couldn't help himself.  
Opening the door to his rooms, he saw Nevena's mother and two of her allies who were already waiting for him.   
„Here I am, dear women of mine“, he smiled at them and kissed the hand of the oldest women, Nevena's mother. „Make me beautiful.“


	27. Chapter 27

Alexander laughed out loud when Leander ended his story about little Hephaistion. The story itself was actually really cute and the king could tell that Leander did a really good job in making toasts. All of the guests were enjoying them and even though Hephaistion was blushing a bit, Alexander was sure that he was happy as well. “Who would have thought that you were such a brave kid, my love”, he murmured into his husband’s ear who was sitting by his side and leaning against him. It was a perfect night and it actually was just the beginning of their wedding but Alexander already couldn’t wait for the moment when he would be able to take his lover back to their dorms and make him physically his. Hephaistion looked amazing that night and for the whole ceremony the king couldn’t take his eyes off of him which at same point made Phai actually blush. But that only made him more beautiful in Alexander’s eyes. He actually felt like a teenager with his first crush but it didn’t matter as long as Hephaistion was his.   
The king took a sip from his cup and kissed his husband fervently and with passion. He couldn’t stop touching and kissing Hephaistion from the end of the ceremony and demanded that Phai would be near him all the time just to be sure that it was really happening. That this beautiful man was actually his husband, all his. And even though his mother didn’t come to his wedding, it hurt less when Hephaistion was by his side, smiling happily at him. “You are so beautiful, my love”, Alexander murmured into Phai’s ear, already a bit drunk. His warm hand touched the man’s thigh and he started to massage it a bit. “And you are all mine. Forever. My king”, he added while making a big hickey under Hephaistion’s jaw line. 

After everything cooled down, he would rip another hole into Leander's ass, Hephaistion was sure of that. It was so typical of his brother that he _had_ to embarrass him in front of everyone, but even though a slight blush covered his face, he couldn't care less when Alexander leaned over to him.  
He stopped throwing death glares to his brother, who was now talking to a boy with dark hair and even darker eyes, clearly eyefucking him, and turned his head to look at his husband instead.  
Smiling, his bit his lips and slid his hand into his hair, pulling him even closer to him. He ignored the fact that he practically was sitting on his lap right now. „You aren't unlovely yourself, my love“, he purred back and kissed him, feeling how his heart nearly bursted with love. This was just overwhelming. He really was married to Alexander now and it felt as if this was a dream. But it wasn't, it was real. He would spent the rest of his life with Alexander now. Until the end of time. He grinned and leaned over, so that his lips were touching Alexander's ear as he spoke, and after he finished, he slowly flicked his tongue at his skin.  
„I am truly all yours now. No one will ever take me away from you.“

“I will kill anyone who will even dare to think about taking you away from me”, Alexander growled and squeezed Hephaistion’s ass. “You are mine now. My husband. My king”, he continued while kissing his lover’s neck. It still felt a bit weird to say _husband_ but it also made him feel warm inside. “I still can’t believe it… you are all mine now. For real”, he said with pure love in his eyes as he looked at Hephaistion, the wedding party long forgotten. He actually planned to have some fun with his young husband here but he forgot about it in the moment when he saw Hephaistion. He didn’t even care that it was their wedding and that they should at least dance a bit or generally talk to people because so many aristocrat families came just to see them. But it actually didn’t matter to him when he had Phai in his arms. 

„I know“, Hephaistion murmured and quickly placed his hand on Alexander's thigh, stroking his firm muscles in order to soothe him. He knew how possessive he could become and the alcohol could add its spice to it, so he would better distract him, even though his lover's jealous behaviour kind of aroused him.  
„I can't believe it myself“, he said, moving his hand in a steady rhythm across his leg, slowly wandering higher. „But it is true. And I will make sure that you feel _how_ true this is tonight.“ He kissed the corner of Alexander's mouth, his other hand tightening its grip in his hair, before he backed away a bit, his hand still on the other's leg.  
Suddenly feeling very aware of the glances his mother was throwing at him, he smiled innocently and properly sat down on his place again, looking at Alexander from the corner of his eyes while a little grin started to grow on his face.

Alexander whined like a kicked puppy when Hephaistion sat back on his place. He already missed his touches and he was already aroused and ready for some action, that’s why he needed his lover close to him. “Can’t we already go to our bed?”, he asked, completely unaware of the looks that Alexia was giving them, his eyes only for Hephaistion. “We didn’t make love for three days and I already miss it”, he added, clearly unsatisfied. It was Phai’s idea to take a break until the wedding so Alexander would be a little more excited for their wedding night, as he said. And the king now felt too excited and he didn’t know how to unload all the energy inside of him. “Besides, they are having great fun and they don’t need us.” 

Hephaistion could practically feel the arousal radiating from Alexander's body and he would be lying if he said it didn't affect him. But his mother's eyes pretty much were cooling him down.  
„Oh, you know...“, he started, looking at Alexander while he turned his back on his mother, hearing her muffled gasp, „... I would _love_ to go now. But it is our wedding.“  
He lifted his free hand and motioned into the room, the grin highly visible on his face. „Don't you feel bad if we would just... leave them alone now?“  
Carefully leaning over, Hephaistion looked him deep in the eyes and licked his own lips. „It wouldn't be very... hospitable.“

Alexander sighed heavily and looked around. Half of the guests were already too drunk to care about them and the other half was getting to that state rather quickly. So why should he care? They had free alcohol and food and should be happy with it. “So what? Most of them won’t even notice our absence. Besides, we can come back later.” Alexander smiled mischievously, grabbing Hephaistion’s hand and bringing him closer. “Just a few minutes and then we can go back. I promise you.” The king leaned in and kissed his lover gently. “I can tell that you want me as much as I want you so why don’t you just give in, my beautiful king?” 

Hephaistion nodded. But instead of standing up, grabbing Alexander's hand and dragging him along with him to their rooms, he backed away and narrowed his eyes. Playful, but Alexander didn't have to know, so he kept his best poker face.  
„Do you really think“, he whispered, nearly seethed, „that I want my precious wedding night, in which I actually wanted to make you completely mine, to last _just a few minutes_?“  
Raising his eyebrows at him, mimicking his mother's stare just perfectly, he propped his elbows on the table and stared at him in disbelief.  
„Are you serious right now, my impatient king?“

Alexander growled, now seeing that he should be more careful with words. Of course Hephaistion wouldn’t be up for quick sex especially that it would be a special night for both of them. But first of all he shouldn’t drink his much. Now, Hephaistion was in a winning position because Alexander lacked of witty remarks under the influence of alcohol. “I was just kidding”, he lied lamely. “We don’t need to come back at all. We can make sweet love all night long. I am a king and now you are one as well so they won’t comment on it.” Alexander grinned with satisfaction and kissed his lover once again. 

Hephaistion shook his head and placed his hand on top of Alexander's chest, pushing him at arm's length away from him. „I don't think you were kidding.“  
He reached for his cup of wine, letting him fidgeting and clearly enjoying it, but he still didn't show it on the outside. Taking a gulp of the wine, he swallowed and closed his eyes, leaning back and his face still didn't show any sign of his amusement. „I know how impatient you are, regarding your behaviour towards me. But“, he added and looked him straight in the eyes, „I wasn't up to being just a quick... fuck for you tonight, my beloved husband.“

“You are not just a quick fuck for me Hephaistion.” Alexander furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, trying to figure out what to say. If his husband wasn’t even up for kissing and was clearly keeping him on distance then Alexander knew that he was screwed. And they were married for only two hours. Just wonderful. “I want to love you, Phai”, he said softly, trying to somehow appease his lover. “All night long. But if you want to stay here it’s okay. I can wait”, he added even though it was clearly visible that he wasn’t okay with that at all. 

Hephaistion let out a small chuckle at Alexander's words and a small grin appeared on his face. „I want to love you, too, Alexander, but apparently we have different imaginations of how our wedding night should proceed.“  
He held out his cup when a servant passed their table and drained the cup in one go. He somehow wished to get a little drunk but he was far away from drinking enough for this to happen.  
„I appreciate your attempts of being a patient, caring husband, Alexander“, he murmured as he stood up, slightly smiling, „but I can clearly see that you cannot wait.“  
He leaned down and touched his lover's shoulder, giving it a tight squeeze and placed a chaste kiss on his forehead.  
„I'll see you.“ And with a wink he left the table unnoticed, heading for the door. So Alexander indeed was right, their guests were enjoying themselves without them.

It took Alexander whole three seconds to proceed what was going on. So Hephaistion was just playing with him? The king huffed, annoyed at this own lack of reading his husband. He really shouldn’t drink this much but it didn’t really matter now when he knew that Phai was probably already waiting for him in their dorms. Alexander quickly stood up and without much finesse and discretion as Hephaistion, he left the hall. He didn’t even notice in his haste the death glares that Alexia was throwing his way. All he could concentrate on was Hephaistion and the fact that in a few minutes they would be making sweet love. The corridors were a bit dark but Alexander knew this way by heart and in record time he was in his dorms which were also dark. “Phai?”, he murmured, trying to get used to the darkness surrounding him. “Can you please light a candle?” 

As soon as the door opened, Hephaistion pushed off the wall besides it at which he was leaning and closed the door behind Alexander by pushing him against it with his whole body.  
„Oh, I don't think I can“, he chuckled as he started to kiss him, tenderly first, but his mouth turned greedy pretty fast and soon he was ravishing him, burrying both of his hands in Alexander's hair to keep him in place while he started to thrust his own body against the other shallowly.  
„I thought it would take you longer to get here“, Hephaistion gasped when he let go of his lover's lips and sucked at his neck instead, for sure leaving some bruises on his warm skin. What a delicious payback. „But I guess I was wrong.“ Following his urgent needs, Hephaistion tore at Alexander's clothes until they gave in, ignoring the throbbing in his own crotch. He bent his head and started to bite Alexander's chest, his hands holding the other's hips in place when he wanted to move. „Ah ah“, he cooed, licking his way up the blond's throat, kissing him short but breathtakingly intense again.  
„Did my mother let you go that easily?“, he asked, while he let his hand slip underneath Alexander's robes, touching his crotch feathery.

Alexander smiled widely when Hephaistion pinned him to the doors but mere seconds later his lips were more occupied and he was breathing heavily when Phai finally pulled apart. It was kind of amazing that he was so hard from just a few kisses but he didn’t mind when his husband’s wandering hand touched his throbbing erection. “I needed to get to you as fast as possible. You know how much I need you, my beautiful husband”, he said while hunting for Hephaistion’s lips once again. He didn’t even mind how bossy Phai was acting all of a sudden. Sexy brat. “I was lusting after you for the whole evening so you really thought that I wouldn’t run after you?” Alexander moaned when Hephasition found a sensitive spot on his neck and grabbed his husband’s hips, bringing him closer. “Can we not talk about your mother right now?” He groaned at the thought of Hephaistion’s mother. He liked her, she was nice, really, but he didn’t want to think about her right now when his hands were full of his beautiful lover. 

„You were lusting after me?“, Hephaistion repeated, while he looked into Alexander's from the wine and arousal fogged eyes. „For the whole evening?“ His grip tightened around his cock and he started to move his hand lazily, adding a bit of pressure to his touches but not too much. He needed him to beg for him. So he only grinned, biting his way along Alexander's throat and neck until he reached his jaw where he bit down. „I lusted after you for whole days... you can't top that, as I can see.“ Smiling, he realized that it was a good idea to keep his husband away from him for the last few days because now, he was slowly losing his mind, Hephaistion could see that. And he liked it.  
It made him laugh a bit, how Alexander didn't want to talk about his mother, but he didn't want to, either, especially because he could imagine what she was thinking right now, so he quickly pushed her out of his mind and concentrated on violating his lover's neck again.

“Phai…” Alexander moaned, squeezing his lover’s ass. It was a sweet torture but it was still not enough. He wanted, no, he _needed_ Hephaistion now like he needed air and his lover’s touches were too delicate to give him enough pleasure so he felt like really losing his mind. “Come to the bed with me”, he pleaded, looking into his lover’s eyes. “I want to make love to you. For the whole night.” The king kissed him with passion, bringing him close to his body. “I can feel that you want me, too”, he murmured into Hephaistion’s ear when he felt Phai’s erection against his. Maybe his husband liked to play with him but he couldn’t deny that he wanted it as much as Alexander did. “We were waiting long enough and now I want to push my cock inside your sweet hole and show you how much I love you, my beautiful husband.” 

Hephaistion cackled and shook his head, taking Alexander's hand into his and kissing its back. "I don't think so", he murmured, before he started to undo his lover's robes for good until he could slide them down his body. "I want you, too." His voice was low and deep and he was sure that the other could make his lust for him out in it, but he didn't care when he dropped himself to his knees, slowly licking down Alexander's stomach and biting him in the right places to make him hiss with pleasure. "I have other plans with you tonight", he cooed, his voice nearly dripping with sweetness. "And you will love them." Placing his hands on Alexander's hips, he kept him in place and started to lick over his hard, already pre come leaking manhood. As he heard his moan, Hephaistion couldn't help but moan himself around his dick, as soon as he swallowed him in one go. Knowing that he was the only one to give his lover such a pleasure was the best thing ever and Hephaistion could feel how his own cock responded to Alexander's lust towards him. 

Alexander chocked on air when Hephaistion got down to his knees and started to lick his manhood. It nearly made him lose his balance. His alcohol and lust fogged mind was doing a poor job at keeping him steady when Phai swallowed his whole dick. He could bet that he didn’t trip over only because of his willpower but even that was weakening when his lover stated to pleasure him with his skilled tongue and lips. “Phai… fuck!” The king nearly screamed, sliding his fingers into his lover’s hair and pulling at them when Hephaistion started to move his head while looking him into eyes. This was really the sexiest thing he ever saw in his life. “You are going to be the death of me”, he panted, moving his hips a little. Now he was even able to admit that Phai’s idea with waiting to the wedding wasn’t that bad at all because after a few days of break everything was even more intense. 

Never breaking the eye contact with him, Hephaistion continued to please Alexander with his mouth. His moans were making him shiver and his hands in his own hair literally were driving him insane. But he wouldn't give in, not this time.   
He swallowed around him, making himself as tight as possible for him and started to massage Alexander's ass with one of his hands, with the other he steadied himself on Alexander's thigh. His own arousal started to overwhelm him, but as long as he kept being concentrated, he would go through with his plans of pleasing Alexander as he liked.  
Fortunately, he didn't drink as much as his lover, so his self control was nearly unbroken.  
He let him out of his mouth, rubbing his hand over his length as he looked him in the eyes.  
„Do you want to come?“, he asked, his voice raspy and the lust clearly visible on his face.

The king didn’t respond at first, his brain too fogged from the pleasure to react fast. “Yeah…”, he panted when he finally processed Hephaistion’s words. “I want to come in your mouth. And then I want to come inside of you.” Alexander leaned against the wall to keep his balance and he slowly started to massage Hephaistion’s head. “Your mouth… there is nothing in this world as wonderful as your mouth”, he praised his lover and sighed with unhidden pleasure when Phai licked his manhood again. He was actually only a few seconds away from coming. The look on his lover’s face, so full of lust and desire towards the king, was making Alexander’s head spin. Many wanted him but he was sure that no one wanted him so wholly as Hephaistion did. That’s why he was planning on keeping him by side forever. 

Hephaistion bit down on his lower lip, a sudden wave of arousal crashing through his body. Suddenly, he got impatient and couldn't wait for Alexander to come inside of his mouth, he wanted to taste him so badly it nearly hurt him physically.  
„This won't be the last time you will come tonight“, he promised and took him in again, working his tongue around his cock, moving his head on him until he could feel how his lover hit the back of his throat. He closed his eyes and grabbed Alexander's ass, pulling him as close as possible to him. His own dick twitched with excitement when he thought about his lover and how he'd release his lust any second, but he couldn't even think this thought through, because he felt Alexander's body going stiff for a second, before his grip in his hair tightened. And then he came with such a deep moan that Hephaistion thought he would come himself only from hearing this.  
He swallowed his release and stroked the base of Alexander's cock through his orgasm while sucking at his head, until his legs began to shake.  
With a shit eating grin on his lips, he let go of his lover and got up, pulling his body close to his own. „I love it when you come apart under my touches“, he murmured against Alexander's lips, slowly licking into his mouth.

Alexander leaned his head against Hephaistion’s shoulder, trying to catch his breath and come back to earth. He was feeling so pleasantly light after the orgasm that he just had. It was amazing and kind of terrifying how much he was addicted to Hephaistion and how much said man could make him lose his mind. “I love you, Phai…”, he murmured when he finally managed to even his breath. “My beloved husband. My only one.” Alexander smiled and kissed his lover back, his hand making its way under Hephaistion’s robe. He was sure that it took a lot of time to make that beautiful cloth but he wanted to get it off of Phai right now. His lover was the most beautiful when he was naked and stupid clothes were just getting in the way now. “Off. Or I will rip it off of you”, he growled when after two tries he still couldn’t figure out how to get rid of that robe. “I need you naked now, Hephaistion”, Alexander demanded, slowly stroking his lover’s cock. 

Hephaistion leaned into his lover's touch and practically glued his body to Alexander. He stroke his hand over his back, scratching at his skin and kissed him with all he got.  
His heart was beating fast in his chest and he could feel his pulse in his whole body, and it was nerve wrecking.   
„No“, he grinned as he turned them around and started to push Alexander in the direction of the bed, still on full body contact, until the bed hit Alexander in the back of his knees and he had to sit down. Or, more like, _lie_ down, because Hephaistion literally threw himself at him, crawling on top of him while his hands caressed Alexander's naked body.  
„I don't need to be naked for now, my love“, he whispered and leaned over him, lying down between his legs.  
„The only thing I need now is to please you.“

Alexander groaned and looked down at Hephaistion. What a little tease he was, never doing what the king asked him to. He actually loved that but right now it was frustrating beyond imagination. “Phai… I need to be inside of you right now. We can play later”, he said with impatience in his voice. They had so many years in front of them, so many nights but no, Hephaistion had to choose their wedding night to tease his king. That was just so like him but Alexander didn’t expect him to test his limits for so long. “Hephaistion, I really appreciate your concern about me but I really need you. Now.” Alexander looked into his eyes, praying that his lover would show some mercy on him and play along. He wasn’t expecting that much, was he? 

Hephaistion didn't care about what Alexander was saying. He ignored him wholeheartedly and continued to lick his throat, pressing his body against him which made him grin as he could feel Alexander getting hard against him again.  
„I don't want to play“, he growled, straddling his lover's legs to be more comfortable. „I need you as much as you need me, Alexander... and I want you more than anything.“  
He licked his lips and looked down on him, while he adjusted his robes, relieving himself with taking the material off his body in a few swift motions. Alexander really had to be more drunk than he liked to admit and he could see the astonished look in the other's eyes. He snorted at that and kissed him once again, before he slid one of his hands into his hair, pulling his head to the side and licking over his pulse.  
„Do you get what I'm saying?“, he murmured against his skin, a faint grin on his lips.

Alexander furrowed his eyebrows in concentration, trying to figure out what Hephaistion was saying. If he wanted him so much then why was he delaying? “I was never the passive one”, he said when it finally hit him what Hephaistion had on his mind. It was odd for him to even think of himself as a bottom. He was a king, he was used to dominate others and he enjoyed it. Besides, it never occurred to him that Phai might want to change things from time to time. “I don’t know…”, he started but when he saw the disappointment in his lover’s eyes it hit him how selfish he was right now. “But I trust you, Hephaistion.” Alexander smiled and spread his legs a bit wider, feeling as his heart was beating faster. It wasn’t fear but it was all new to him and he just didn’t know what to expect. It wasn’t like he ever asked any of his lovers if being on the bottom hurt them or if they really had pleasure. But he truly trusted Hephaistion and he could give himself to his husband. 

„I know you weren't“, Hephaistion murmured after a while as he looked into Alexander's eyes, watching as his face changed from confusion to understanding. „But I wasn't before, either.“  
He lifted his hand and carefully touched his cheek, stroking his skin with his thumb. „You know how much I love you“, he started then, thinking about every word before he said it out loud. He didn't want to ruin this moment and he could feel the other's hesitation with every single fiber of his body. „I want to feel you and I want to make you feel good... more than I want to lose myself in you.“ His hand wandered longingly between their bodies and made Alexander shiver as he closed his fingers around his manhood once again. „I want to make you fully mine.“  
Hephaistion's smile grew a little bit bigger when his lover spread his legs underneath him and the sight of that made him swallow. Just the thought of ruining Alexander for anybody else, just like he ruined him, nearly made him come right away.  
„But I only want you when you're truly okay with this“, he whispered, kissing him a last time, „so if you are, then turn around.“

Alexander nodded, listening to Hephaistion’s words. His husband loved him so much so how could he say no to him? There was really nothing that he should be worried about. Besides, he didn’t fear pain. It was only natural for him. But giving himself to someone else like this? It felt strange but also right because it was Hephaistion that he was giving himself to. “I love you”, he said softly and kissed his lover before he slowly turned onto his stomach. It was really strange to be exposed like this, completely on Hephaistion’s mercy. It was against his soldier's nature but he was determined to fight it. He couldn’t let his husband down, he needed to show him how much he really trusted him with his heart and body. “I’m ready”, he said, making himself more comfortable on the pillows. “You don’t need to be gentle about this.” 

Hephaistion had to close his eyes for a second and while Alexander turned around beneath him, he took a deep breath and collected himself. It was overwhelming for him to see how much Alexander trusted him and knowing that he would be his so soon... He leaned over his lover, holding himself up by propping his arms besides his waist and kissed his neck.   
„But I will“, he answered and smiled, slowly kissing his way down his back, after he nipped at his shoulder. „I want you to enjoy this as much as I do... when you fuck me.“ His hands moved over his sides as he slid further down his lover's body, his lips placing small kisses over his spine until he finally bit his ass cheek, quickly licking over the bruise he for sure would leave there. „I want you“, he said, placing both of his hands on his ass before he spread his cheeks apart, „to lose your mind, Alexander.“ After two seconds of slowly breathing in and out, he leaned down and licked over his hole and almost immediately he felt how Alexander twitched underneath him. Hephaistion reassuringly started to stroke over his skin, as he continued to flick his tongue, putting all his love into his touches because he could tell how hard it had to be for Alexander to trust him like this, to give in. Blindly, he reached with his right hand for the oil on the nightstand and nearly knocked it over in his haste to get his hands back on Alexander. „Just relax“, he murmured as he coated two of his fingers with the oil and poured some of it over Alexander's hole. He moved over his lover again, burying his nose in the neck in front of him and kissed his skin, before he slowly started to push one of his fingers inside of him, moving his hand in short circling motions, the arousal nearly killing him. „I love you, Alexander.“

Alexander wanted to roll his eyes but it was of no use when Hephaistion couldn’t see him. And it was actually good that he couldn’t see him because the king could feel the blush creeping on his neck, feeling like a bride himself. It was all new to him. He wasn’t used to being treated like an egg and it was making him feel weird but he didn’t say a thing, not when Hephaistion seemed to be so happy that Alexander accepted his wish. “I already lost my mind because of you… fuck!” A loud moan escaped his mouth as Hephaistion licked at his hole. He wasn’t expecting that and he didn’t know how to react so he just gripped the sheets and tried to relax his muscles. But it was nothing comparing to the feeling of having Hephaistion’s fingers inside of him. It really wasn’t easy to relax and he wondered how Phai was always so ready for him. This had to be some kind of talent but after a few moments he was getting used to it. And actually, it wasn’t such an unpleasant feeling as he thought it would be. “I love you, too, but I’m really not made of glass, Hephaistion”, he said in a raspy voice, getting his hand between his thighs and touching his manhood to get a bit more distracted. 

Hephaistion chuckled when he heard Alexander's words. Of course he had to show that after all, he was still the king and had the last word. It annoyed him a bit that even in such a moment, he had to play strong and dominant, so after he prepared him good enough, he adjusted himself by propping himself over Alexander.  
„Don't be so impatient, for the love of god“, he muttered in his ear and nipped at his neck, while he poured some oil on his cock, making himself thrust into his fist. Damn, he really was near the edge, there was no use to deny that. He couldn't even believe that this was real, actually he thought he was dreaming. He never believed Alexander would ever give himself to him.   
It made him grin as he lined his cock with Alexander's stretched hole, slowly pushing the head inside of him. And it immediately made him moan.   
„Fuck, you're so tight“, Hephaistion panted, clawing his fingers into the sheets, never stopping biting along Alexander's neck. He could feel him tense beneath him so he stopped half way and waited a few seconds for his lover to get used to this feeling. But he couldn't hold himself back any longer so he slowly started to move his hips, fucking deeper into him with every thrust, until he was completely buried inside him.  
„Fuck“, he panted again, restraining himself. „Are you alright?“, he asked then, even though he knew that Alexander wouldn't admit even if he wasn't.

Alexander gritted his teeth when Hephaistion was stretching him with more force. It didn’t hurt that much because Phai was really gentle and patient but it also wasn’t very comfortable. Although he would rather die than admit it loud. He wouldn’t dare to hurt his husband’s feelings, besides, it was getting a bit better now so he hoped that he would enjoy it after getting used to that feeling. “Don’t say that”, he growled aloud, tightening unconsciously around Hephaistion’s finger. “I am not a woman.” He didn’t like being treated like some blushing virgin. He was a king for fuck’s sake and his ego was now severely hurt. “Hephaistion! _Fuck_!” Alexander screamed when he finally felt hard shaft of his lover inside of him. At first it hurt really bad but when Hephaistion was completely buried inside of him, he could felt a spark of pleasure when his lover was hitting just the right place in him. The king needed to brace himself once again on his arms to keep his balance. “Move”, he ordered, wanting to feel that pleasure again, besides, he was sure that Hephaistion was just simply toying with him now, taking a great pleasure from the fact that he had Alexander under him. 

Hephaistion stilled in his movements, staring at Alexander's back in front of him for brief seconds until he got his senses back again. And then he got angry. He pulled back and forcefully thrusted back into his lover's heat, before he grabbed a handful of his hair and pulled his head back, hissing into his ear.  
„So I guess, I'm a woman then for you?“, he seethed and bit down on the nape of Alexander's neck until he could taste blood while he started to thrust into him in a steady, hard pace now. He couldn't believe this now. His eyes fixed on his neck that was already covered in bruises, he held him down and let go. He would show him how much of a woman was inside of him. „You will regret that.“  
Hephaistion placed both of his hands on Alexander's hips now and pulled him towards him as he moved his hips in hard and circling motions. When his lover moaned underneath him, he bit his own lips and kept him in place, hitting his prostate with every thrust now, holding himself back now. He could keep his own lust at bay now, repeating Alexander's words in his head over and over again in order to cool him down. A woman. So Alexander treated him like a fucking woman, saying things like this, and Hephaistion had to accept that? No way.  
He oppressed his own moans and closed his eyes, reaching beneath Alexander. Clenching his fist around his cock, he buried himself deep inside of him while he masturbated him in the same pace his hips were thrusting into him.  
„You definitely. Will regret. That.“

„I am not treating you like a woman!”, Alexander shouted, enraged himself. Maybe he said what he shouldn’t have said but he never thought any less of his husband just because Phai used to be passive in their relationship. And he definitely didn’t see him as a woman. “Fuck”, he muttered, biting down on a pillow. For a moment, Hephaistion’s thrust were even pleasurable but then he started to move too hard and too quickly and Alexander was far away from being stretched enough for something like that. And it only got worse when Hephaistion pulled his hair, bending him into an even more uncomfortable position. Still, he was determined not to show how much he didn’t like it and that it wasn’t how he imagined their wedding night to be. He just gritted his teeth, not letting any sound out of his mouth and just allowed Hephaistion to do what he wanted with his body even though he was already becoming painfully sore. 

Hephaistion shook his head as his thrusts became shallow. Of course Alexander wasn't treating him like a woman. Of course he wasn't. He always turned everything the way he wanted it. With him, Hephaistion, it wasn't any different.  
As a sudden wave of disappointment and hurt feelings crashed over him, Hephaistion could feel how the little lust he sensed vanished. He held still for a moment, looking at his husband, before he carefully pulled out of him. This wasn't him and he didn't want Alexander to feel the same as he did. That's why he wordlessly turned his lover around, not looking him in the face even for a second. Their wedding night was over for Hephaistion, he could feel that, but that didn't mean he wouldn't please his husband. He could go afterwards anyway.   
Hephaistion bent his head, thankful for his hair that was covering his face now and he closed his eyes to ignore the burning in his eyes, before he started to suck Alexander off. He was still hard, so the young man took the opportunity, feeling determined to give the other some release. To be a good wife.  
To his surprise, it didn't take Alexander long to come and Hephaistion took it without any word. Wordlessly, he stroke him through his orgasm, until he let go of him and turned away, swinging his legs out of the bed. There he sat for a moment, breathing deeply in and out, before he opened his mouth.  
„Maybe you should have married a woman that would crawl in front of you. Because apparently, you still don't see me as your equal“, he whispered, before he got up.

„You are my equal.” Alexander sat up slowly, even though the pain in his lower regions was killing him. “I am just not used to being treated like this. No one ever was even trying to be gentle with me…”, he sighed, knowing full well that it was his fault that their wedding night went in the completely wrong direction. He didn’t mean it like that. He didn’t mean to hurt Hephaistion’s feelings but somehow he managed to. “Phai… you are definitely not a woman in this relationship. You are my equal and my king.” Alexander touched Hephaistion’s hand even though he was sure that he would be rejected. But now he needed to do everything to make things right, to make Phai feel better and somehow save their wedding night. “Don’t go now. It is our special night, my love”, he whispered, trying to look his lover into the eyes but Hephaistion was avoiding his sight. Although Alexander could still see the pain and hurt on his husband’s face and he didn’t even mind his own pain right now because Phai’s happiness was more important than his own discomfort. 

„As I said“, Hephaistion said, his voice still a mere whisper because he didn't dare to speak louder. „I am not.“ He didn't know how the situation could escalate like this, but it was unbearable to even _think_ about looking Alexander in the face. He flinched when he felt Alexander touching him and he turned his face away, looking to the floor.  
„What did you expect me to do, Alexander?“, he said after a while to break the uncomfortable silence that built itself between them. It took all of his willpower to speak now, because the only thing he truly wanted now, was the ground to open up and swallow him. It was ruined, and to be honest, he didn't know why he still was sitting here. He did what he had to do – and failed.  
„I don't know what marriage means to you“, he said quietly, before he swallowed and looked at Alexander. „But I wanted to love you. To... make you feel special. But of course you don't want me to. Who am I to want to treat you _gentle_ , right?“  
He averted his gaze again and looked at his hand, which he carefully pulled out from under Alexander's. Hephaistion could feel his face burn with shame and failure. How typical for him to ruin everything, even his own wedding night. But it wasn't over yet.  
„If you...“ Hephaistion cleared his throat and took a deep breath, before he lied down again, not facing Alexander. „If you still want it, then get through with it.“

“I didn’t say that I don’t want you to be gentle with me, Hephaistion.” Alexander sighed quietly and immediately felt a void in his heart when his husband pulled out his hand. It just wasn’t right. This night was supposed to be happy, special for both of them. “But you need to understand me, Hephaistion. For my whole life, I was taught to be the strong one, to never let my guard down and it’s hard for me to change all of this in a few minutes. But I trust you, Phai. I want to give myself to you just like you gave yourself to me. I just need more time.” Alexander covered his crotch with the quilt and looked at his husband who lied down next to him. “I don’t want anything that your heart does not desire. And you don’t need to stay here if you feel uncomfortable. I can understand that.” 

Hephaistion swallowed and shook his head as he turned around so that Alexander wouldn't see his face. He had an idea of what he looked like right now and he didn't like it. He did get what Alexander was telling him, but he wasn't any different. But his love for the other was stronger than any shame or ego could ever be, but apparently they didn't share the same point of view. He had to swallow again as he blinked a few times to get rid of the haze that was covering his eyes, collecting himself.  
„I know“, is why he said then. „I know that, it's okay. I shouldn't have said anything, I'm sorry.“ He breathed deeply, trying to calm his heart which was pounding madly in his chest. He didn't want to feel this way, but he couldn't help himself. He wanted to do something right for once in his life but he failed. And it made him feel miserable. But he didn't want to show anything of it to Alexander, whose gaze he could feel on his own back as he spoke. It nearly made him snort sadly. As if he couldn't leave him now, what would the others think of him if they would know that Hephaistion wasn't even able to serve the king in their wedding night? He could literally hear the gossiping, Cassander's voice loud and clear in his head. No. No way he would go now.  
„My heart will always desire to be with you“, is why he said, covering himself. And it was true. He never wanted anything else.

The king sighed and slowly put his arm around Hephaistion’s waist, bringing his husband closer to himself. He couldn’t stand seeing his lover unhappy. It was making his chest clench with pain and guilt. “I am sorry, my love. I went too far”, he said softly and kissed Hephaistion’s shoulder. “I didn’t mean it like that. We are equal. And I love you, that’s why I married you. I need you in my life, Phai, and I trust only you.” Alexander took his lover’s hand and connected their fingers together, trying to make himself a little bit more comfortable because his lower back still hurt as hell. But he survived worse pain so he didn’t mind it at all. After all, Hephaistion had the full right to be mad at him. “And I don’t want you to go. I need you to stay with me, Phai”, he murmured softly into the other man’s ear, trying to reassure him a bit. Alexander was actually really glad that Hephaistion decided to stay, whatever his reasons were, because he needed him now. It wasn’t even about the gossiping. The king really needed his young husband to stay at his side because Hephaistion was always the only one who put up with him and supported him no matter what. 

Alexander's behaviour nearly broke his heart, making the pain in his chest grow even more. Hephaistion didn't deserve this now, not after he behaved selfish and hurt him. He closed his eyes and squeezed his lover's hand slightly.  
„Don't, Alexander. Don't say this.“ He lifted their hands and kissed the foreign knuckles. „I don't deserve your kindness now. I hurt you and I can't forgive myself.“  
A lump built inside of his throat and made it hard to breathe against the tears that he wanted to cry so badly. But he wouldn't even though he felt like shit. He kissed Alexander's hand once more, before he lowered it again, holding it close to his chest.  
„I am truly sorry“, he whispered, closing his eyes, barely able to contain his emotions. Never would he make an attempt to touch him again, ever. He only made everything worse. „It won't happen again, I promise.“  
Hephaistion turned his face deeper into the pillow as he felt a tear dripping down the bridge of his nose. He couldn't help himself.   
„I am sorry I ruined your wedding... the king deserves way more.“

“Don’t speak like that, Hephaistion. I’m your husband, not your king”, he murmured and kissed the back of Phai’s head, trying to show him that he didn’t mind what happened at all. They could still make this night special, he was sure of it. “I love you and want you to take me. All of me”, he said with seriousness in his voice. It wasn’t that bad at the beginning and Alexander was convinced that maybe next time, but hopefully not too soon, it would be great for both of them. “Don’t cry, my love”, Alexander whispered softly when Hephaistion's body shook in his arms and he saw a tear running down his smooth cheek. “You did nothing wrong. It was just too soon for me.” A heavy sigh escaped his lips and he gently kissed the tear from Hephaistion’s cheek. 

A sigh escaped Hephaistion's throat at Alexander's words. He really did not deserve him. It wasn't fair that he ruined their night and now it was on Alexander to comfort him, even though he did nothing wrong.  
After thinking about whether to do it or not, he decided to turn around in Alexander's arms, until he faced his chest. „Don't be so nice to me“, he murmured and hid his face, exhaling deeply.  
„I don't deserve this. Please stop.“  
Hephaistion leaned his forehead against the firm chest in front of him and placed his arm around Alexander's waist, snuggling as close to him as possible. He hated these feelings that were boiling inside of him, but the damage was done and he couldn't turn the time back. But at least Alexander didn't seem to be mad at him, so maybe he could forgive him.  
„I love you, too“, he whispered his late response to his lover's confession, kissing his skin.

“You deserve everything. Only the best, Hephaistion”, he said softly, stroking through his hair and taking in the sight of the man that was lying in his arms. Phai was truly beautiful and so fragile even though he was a strong soldier. And it was Alexander's duty to watch over that delicate side of Hephaistion. “And I’m not nice just because I want to make you feel better. You didn’t do anything wrong, my love. We just should talk about it first.” A heavy sigh escaped his lips as he felt how his lover curled himself tighter against him. A few water drops from Hephaistion eyes decorated Alexander’s chest as the latter comforted his lover with soft kisses and gentle touches. “It is really alright, Phai. Nothing between us changes”, he promised, covering the man with the warm quilt. 

Something in Hephaistion switched over. He didn't say a word as he listened to Alexander talking to him, he didn't even move. But he came to a sudden resolve – and he would stick to it. Things between the two of them _would_ change, he himself would make sure of that.   
It was his fault that things were like this now and he would make sure that it wouldn't happen again. Ever. It made him feel miserable, but he would obey from now on, no matter what Alexander asked of him. He would fulfill his obligations towards his husband, no matter what. Deep inside of him he had the feeling that otherwise, he would lose him and that was the last thing he wanted.   
And he knew that Alexander wanted his submission, after all he was right: he was the king. Hephaistion swallowed, as if to reassure himself, and closed his eyes. He could do that. The only thing he had to do was to swallow his pride and to give in. Even though it wouldn't be easy for him and even though it would hurt him, he knew that, he would go through with it. For Alexander.

Alexander looked down at his lover and kissed the top of his head, happy to see that Hephaistion was breathing slower now and was more relaxed in his arms. He was sure that his words weren’t enough and the fact that his Phai was so quiet wasn't a good sign but he didn’t want to continue this topic now because it would only make things worse. After all, they still had time to solve their issues and it would be just better to leave it for later when both of them would have calmed down and cleared their heads a bit. The king gently petted Hephaistion’s hair, trying to word himself but his mind was blank. In the end, he just cuddled his husband closer to him and made sure that he was warm and comfortable. “Sleep, Phai”, he murmured quietly, not sure if the man wasn’t already asleep. “I will watch over you.” 

Hephaistion wanted to say something, he already opened his mouth but than he thought about it and shut up. Alexander just did it again. And it somehow hurt him beyond endurability. Alexander was the king, he got it, but Hephaistion was a soldier, a grown and strong man – and he definitely didn't need anyone to watch over him in his sleep. But he didn't say a single word, simply because he decided not to raise his word ever again, not caring that it broke something deep inside him.


	28. Chapter 28

It was still in the middle of the night when Hephaistion opened his eyes after he fell asleep. He lifted his head and regretted it immediately, it was heavy and hurt so much he could barely endure it. Still, he looked around and saw Alexander lying next to him on the other side of the bed, his back turned on him. He knew it shouldn't hurt that much like it did in the end, but he couldn't help himself and looked away, a heavy sigh leaving his chest. He ruined it. He ruined everything.  
Suddenly feeling very thirsty, he got up and crossed the room, only to realize that the carafe was empty.   
Hephaistion lifted his hand and touched his throat, feeling how sore and dry it was as he couldn't swallow properly and decided to get something to drink. He wasn't needed here anymore anyway.... With a last glance on Alexander, he searched for his robe and quickly put it on, feeling a pang of pain in his chest when he remembered the last evening. Everything was so perfect.  
He sighed again and went to the door, closing it quietly behind him.  
As he walked down the dark corridors, he felt truly miserable, like a failure, even though Alexander tried to reassure him – but it didn't work. He simply _was_ a failure. Trying to ignore the heavy feeling in his gut, he clutched his chest and turned around another dark corner – and tripped.  
Hephaistion was too tired and too much on autopilot to react quickly enough, so he stumbled, finding himself kneeling on the floor on all fours. He hissed in pain, his knee hurt pretty bad. Trying to see something in the dark, a strange feeling overwhelmed his body. Something was weird and totally not in order. He wanted to get up again, when he finally got what was so odd about this – his hands felt way too sticky. Hesitating he lifted his right hand to his face when the heavy smell of blood hit him right in the gut. His eyes widened in horror and he carefully touched around with his hand until he found a body, leaning against the wall. But it was no use, he only made it worse, smearing the blood everywhere and he didn't see anything anyways.  
„By the gods“, he murmured and scrambled away from the body, feeling how the blood soaked his robes and the feeling of it drying on his skin suddenly made him want to gag.

Alexander turned around in his sleep and immediately regretted it when his back protested with pain. He groaned and stretched his poor muscles a little, turning around to cuddle Hephaistion again but his arm met only air and an empty bed. Furrowing his eyebrows in confusion, he opened his eyes and looked around, looking for his husband but he was nowhere to be found. It made the king awake in an instant and a stream of dark thoughts ran through his mind. What if Hephaistion felt so bad about this situation that he was now doing something stupid? The king stood up and ignoring the pain in his lower regions, he started to dress up but he froze in place when he heard some screaming in the distance. For a moment his heart stopped. There were even more screams and he heard that someone was calling Hephaistion’s name. Alexander felt cold sweat on his back and sprinted out of the room and down the hall, forgetting that he was still sore from earlier. It didn’t matter now when his husband was in danger. The hall, where the servants and some of the guests were gathered, was lighted up and Alexander immediately saw Hephaistion covered in blood and with horror on his face. The king felt relieved and terrified at once but he quickly recovered from the sight, barely seeing the massacred body lying on the floor. “Hephaistion!” he called out and pushed his way through the crowd and to his young husband. “Are you alright?” His voice was a mere whisper when he finally got Phai in his arms, holding him like his life depended on it. 

Hephaistion couldn't stop the relieved sigh that found its way out of his heavy chest at Alexander's sight. He carefully touched his arm with one of his hands and nodded. Yes, he was alright but that young man lying only a few steps away from them, his body ripped open, definitely wasn't. And he knew that guy, he saw him earlier at their wedding feast, bonding with his brother.   
He swallowed, suddenly very aware of the others that were looking at him now, and gently pushed Alexander at arm's length away from him. Giving him a reassuring, little smile he said: „You don't want to ruin your clothes with all the blood.“ His heart was pounding madly in his chest since he didn't get what happened at all here and it didn't get better when he finally realized that there was an assassin in the palace. His gaze flinched to Alexander, unconsciously checking him for any injuries, but he seemed to be alright.   
At Alexander's confused and asking look, Hephaistion nodded in the direction of the hall, and tried to wipe away some of the blood which already dried on his hands.  
„I wanted to get something to drink and it was dark, so I didn't see anything and then... I found myself face to face with him“, he started to explain, swallowing thickly.

“I don’t give a damn about these clothes”, he said, wiping some blood from Hephaistion’s cheek. “You really scared me. I thought that something happened to you.” His voice was a mere whisper but the concern there was very audible. “I think that you should…“ - “What in the name of gods happened there?! Milo!” Alexander turned around in time to see Attalus falling to his knees in front of his son’s dead body. It was bad, the king knew it. Keeping Thebes in check after his father’s death was hard and he knew that Attalus didn’t like the fact that he was under the command of Alexander. And now, he had a perfect reason to renounce allegiance.   
“You!” The oligarchy pointed his finger at Hephaistion with fury in his eyes, his face distorted in pain and horror. “You’ve killed my son! You will pay for that! With your own head!” Alexander looked at the man, losing the rest of pity he had for him. Attalus was insulting his husband, the king, when there were no evidences that Hephaistion did anything. It was unforgivable. “Shut your filthy mouth. You are speaking to the king. Show respect or you will be the one to lose your head.” Alexander growled with authority in his voice, the rage vibrating from his body made the servants step away but the king couldn’t care less, commanding his guards to surround Attalus but the man still was looking at Hephaistion like he wanted to murder him, completely unaware of the guards coming closer to him. 

Hephaistion couldn't believe what he just heard. It seemed so surreal that it nearly made him laugh, but he could contain himself in the last second, knowing well that he would have lost his head in an instant if he did. Instead he just shook his head, his grip tightening on Alexander's arm, which he touched again to calm him down. He knew how hotheaded the king could become so he had to make sure that he wouldn't burst out. It wasn't worth it to risk any fights.  
„Attalus“, Hephaistion started then, trying to keep his voice calm and steady even though he couldn't calm down his heart. „I did not kill your son. I cannot think of any reasons why I should have done it, and besides that I am unarmed.“ His gaze flickered to the guards approaching the other man and it made him swallow. Why couldn't he have stayed in bed? If he would have, he would've been able to avoid this situation. But of course he had to get himself and Alexander in trouble. Again.

“So why do you have blood on you?! My son’s blood?!” Attalus rose up but before he could take any step further he was stopped by Alexander’s soldiers. “You will pay for that!”, he continued, breathing heavily and looking at the guards with rage in his eyes. “Or your dear husband will pay for that with the blood of his own men!” - “ That’s enough! Take him to his dorms and keep him locked before I will kill him!”, Alexander shouted, snuggling his arm around Hephaistion’s waist and bringing him closer to himself just to be sure that his husband was safe and alright. There was no way in hell that he would let anyone hurt his lover. Even if Hephaistion really did kill that poor baby, which he didn’t believe at all, he would rather have war than losing his Phai. But he was also sure that someone did it for a very good reason. After his father’s death, there were a lot of old enemies who now saught their chances to get rid of Alexander. Hephaistion was just an easy target, a weak spot of the king and everyone knew that. “I will not let anyone hurt you, Phai”, he murmured into his lover’s ear when the screams of Attalus got more and more quiet. 

„I can take care of myself, don't worry.“  
Hephaistion waited until the screams died out before he gently pushed Alexander's arm from his waist, suddenly feeling very constricted. He couldn't take it to be treated like this right now, especially _now_ when he could prove his worth, especially after this night. At least that's what he thought. He needed something to make him feel better again, to make him feel _stronger_ again.   
„I could have solved this by myself, Alexander“, he said then after a while and looked him in the face for a second, before he turned his eyes away and looked into the direction where Attalus disappeared. He could literally see the problems approaching them and it was a feeling that made him feel sick in the gut. He really should solve this somehow, before the situation could escalate any further. The problem was: he didn't know how, besides losing his own head.  
„You shouldn't treat him like this, we need to find a peaceful solution for that. You don't want to risk any war, do you?“

“I know.” Alexander sighed, trying to calm himself down. It was funny how his every attempt to be supportive towards Hephaistion was ending with dissatisfaction in his husband. Sometimes he really didn’t know what to do. Maybe shutting up and letting Phai do what he wanted to was the best option. Just maybe not in this situation when war was hanging above their heads like a thundercloud. “Yes. I will risk a war and destroy Thebes if that would mean that you will be safe”, he added, stepping away from his husband but his voice made it clear that Hephaistion could do anything to change his mind. There wasn’t a single thing in this world that he wouldn’t do for his Phai. “Maybe it’s finally time to show them that they still belong to me and that I am their king.” 

Hephaistion shook his head and looked at his husband quite in shock. „You can't be serious.“ He reached for Alexander's arm and gripped him hard, a disbelieving look on his face. Hephaistion didn't have any doubts that Alexander would do anything for him, but risking a war? Sacrificing so many lives only because of this? He couldn't let that happen.  
„Alexander, just think about all the innocent lives it will take. Don't do this, I beg you.“  
He bit down on his lip, a pleading look in his eyes, but something in his head told him, that it was no use trying to persuade Alexander not to provoke this situation any further.  
What was one life compared to so many others? Alexander had to be aware of that, his stubborn mind just didn't want to get it.  
„I am sure we will find another solution. Don't rush things.“

“I won’t. For now.” Alexander took Hephaistion’s hand in his and headed to their dorms, not wanting to look at the dead body anymore. Besides, he didn’t need any witnesses to their conversation. “But the war will take place if they won’t obey me, Hephaistion. I am the king and they will listen to me. And I will build an empire bigger than my father.” Phai should already know that he wasn’t the kind of king who would just sit on his ass and smile to everyone. He had bigger dreams than this. He wanted the world in his hands and his name to be undying. 

„Alexander, please.“ Hephaistion knew he was begging by now, but he couldn't care less. He didn't want to put his husband in danger because of such a situation. There had to be another solution. The same moment they entered their dorms, he closed the door behind their backs and came up with an idea.  
„Alexander“, he murmured, leaning his back against the cold wood, „we are married now. That makes me a king as well.“  
Hephaistion paused for a few second and looked at Alexander, who was standing a few steps away from him, turning his back on him. It made him feel kind of bad only thinking about contradicting him but he didn't see another resort.  
„And I do not want to provoke a war.“

Alexander sighed and rolled his eyes. There was no way to resolve this situation without spilling blood but he didn’t want to argue now which blood would be spilled. And he had no doubt that it wouldn’t be Phai’s blood. “I know that, Hephaistion - and I can promise you that I won’t rush things”, he answered and turned around to look at his lover. “You should rest, Hephaistion. We will have to wake up early and find out what happened.” With a heavy sigh he came closer to his husband and kissed him gently. “I know what you are thinking of now but I would turn this world into ash if I would lose you”, he said softly, caressing Phai’s cheek with his thumb. He would really kill anyone just for trying to think about hurting his lover. 

Hephaistion sighed as Alexander approached him. It was no use to argue with him. He knew that Alexander would solve everything, but the disconcerting feeling in his guts didn't fade away.  
„You should rest yourself“, he murmured and closed his eyes when his husband kissed him. It was more important for the king to rest than for himself, because in the end Alexander would make the final decision, not him.  
Hesitating at first, he lifted his arms and hugged Alexander shortly, but putting all of his love and concern into his touches, before he let go of him again and quickly looked away.  
„I need to wash myself, go to sleep, Alexander.“ He leaned into his touch for second, before he placed his own hand over Alexander's and gently pulled it away from his face, kissing the back of it.   
„Please.“ And with a last intense look, he turned around and rushed into the bath room.

Alexander watched him until Hephaistion disappeared behind the doors. He knew that it was a bad idea, this whole war, but in fact he wanted Thebes to kneel in front of him even if Phai didn’t want war. Alexander would have to prove his strength sooner or later. But for now he listened to his husband’s words and headed to the bed. The king knew that he wouldn’t fall asleep now, especially that the pain he ignored came back and his head was full of thoughts but he didn’t want to make Hephaistion worry so at least he could pretend that he was resting. “Are you alright?”, he asked quietly when Phai finally came back and lied down behind him. Alexander turned onto his side and looked his lover into the eyes. It was clear that Hephaistion also couldn’t take his mind off of what happened and it was worrying Alexander. 

Hephaistion felt immediately better as soon as he washed the blood off of his skin. With a strange feeling tingling in his stomach, he watched how the water mingled with the blood, before he dropped the dirty wash cloth with a disgusted look on his face.  
He sighed deeply and stripped down, dressing himself only in light cotton pants, before took a last look in the mirror and stepped out.  
It was no use to deny the fact that he felt bad about what happened, but he had to try to calm down himself. He couldn't change anything now and he was no help at all when he started to panic now.  
Sighing, he tapped over to the big bed and lied down on it, facing Alexander. This definitely wasn't how he imagined his own wedding night.  
„I am“, he murmured back and tried to smile, „but what about you?“

The king sighed and snuggled his arm around Hephaistion’s waist. “I am good. I just can’t stop thinking about what happened. Why would someone kill that boy?” He closed his eyes, trying not to think too much about the mutilated body. Those weren’t the best thoughts for the wedding night but he knew that he could do nothing about it now. “Seems like someone is trying very hard to deprive me of my title”, he murmured, caressing Hephaistion’s hip with his thumb. The presence of his lover and the warmth of his body were making him feel better because he knew that he wasn’t alone in it and that Phai would always stand by his side. 

„Try not to think about it. You need some sleep and tomorrow you can take care of that issue.“ Hephaistion closed his eyes and reached for Alexander's hand, shyly closing his own fingers around it. „I am sure you will find a solution for that.“ A small sigh heaved his body as he tried himself not to think about the shredded body and the blood pouring out of it. He oppressed a shiver that ran through his body at the thought that he had been covered in it. But he had to get rid of these thoughts as soon as possible, otherwise he wouldn't get any sleep, he was sure of that. He yawned and made himself more comfortable, before he raised his voice once again.  
„I will make sure that no one will be able to take your title from you.“

Alexander smiled. It was amazing how, even in the worst situations, his lover was still able to make him smile but he was thankful for it. “I know, Hephaistion”, he murmured, gently squeezing his hand. “And I will never let anyone take you away from me”, he promised, looking at his husband. Even though Phai was visibly tired he still was so beautiful that it made Alexander’s heart ache with love. He couldn’t believe that he was so lucky to have Phai all to himself and that’s why he was determined to keep him safe at all costs. 

Tired, Hephaistion nodded at Alexander's words but didn't say a thing to that. He knew that Alexander would never allow that but he wasn't sure himself if he liked the way the king would make sure that nothing would ever happen to him. „I know, Alexander“, he mimicked the other's words and kissed his hand, trying to reassure him that there was no need to do so. Hephaistion would never leave his side. Not voluntary and if somebody would try and force him to, he would get rid of them himself. „Now go to sleep.“


	29. Chapter 29

Alexander rose up from his throne and looked at Thebes’ oligarchies with pure rage in his eyes. He couldn’t believe that those old rats were standing up like this to him. He was the king and they should show him respect but their actions only made him sure about their plans to renounce allegiance to him. It was clear that they were just waiting for the adequate moment. “There is no way that this is going to happen!”, he said in a cold voice, not caring about his behavior at all at this point. “He killed the heir! And since you, your majesty, don’t have and never will have an heir that is the only way for you to pay your debt towards us.”   
One of the elder oligarchies looked back at Alexander, trying to remain composed and self confident even though Alexander’s fury was making everyone in the hall want to get out of his sight. “This is enough! I will turn Thebes to ashes if you won’t obey to me!”, Alexander shouted, already wanting to do that. To show them how powerful he was and that Thebes was nothing to him. Besides, they offended his husband, the king, so there was no going back now. He couldn’t just let people see that he let some old assholes insult the royal family and not punishing them for it.   
Leander looked at Alexander from the shadow of the pillar he was standing in. The situation was getting worse with every minute and he could see in the king’s eyes, that he really meant what he was saying. But he was also happy that Alexander would do everything to protect his younger brother even though it was clear that Hephaistion wasn’t happy at all at the thought of the coming war. Leander partially blamed himself for what happened. He should have just taken the boy to his dorms instead of fucking him in some dark corridor and then leaving him alone. Maybe this all wouldn’t have happened. But it was too late to feel remorse. Now it was time to figure out a solution to this situation. 

The situation was nearly unbearable for Hephaistion. He made himself as small as possible and only listened to what the others were saying. It was obvious that there was no way to avoid a conflict now and it was making him sick to the stomach. Alexander was king for a very short time and already forced to prove his worth as such, it just wasn't right – and only because he made a mistake. He closed his eyes for a second and sighed, catching Leander's look when he opened them again. His brother didn't look good, he was quite pale in his face and his posture wasn't very confident as well. Just as he wanted to drift off into his thoughts again, something caught his attention.  
 _Never will have an heir_  
He knew that it had nothing to do with the current situation, but it switched something in his mind. That was it. Alexander needed an heir as soon as possible, even if only to be fully respected as a king. His gaze flickered to his lover whose facial expression was enraged by now and came to a decision. He had to talk about this with Alexander as quickly as possible.

“Then you will have war, Alexander”, Attalus hissed and turned on his heel, heading to the doors and the rest of the obligarchies followed him, not even turning around to look at the king. Alexander curled his fingers into tight fists and heavily sat back on his throne. He wanted to kill them all with his bare hands but it was impossible with the rest of the guests in the palace. He didn’t need more conflicts at that moment. But he was so tempted to make them suffer. Trying to calm down his breathing, he searched for Hephaistion’s hand and immediately felt better when Phai’s slender fingers curled around his. “We need to prepare our army”, he said slowly when the adrenaline finally started to descend. His husband’s touch was really doing amazing things to calm down his anger and he was clutching to it like a drowning man. “I want to destroy Thebes as fast as possible. The rest needs to see that I won’t tolerate such disobedience.”   
“Alexander…” Leander knew that it was probably a bad idea, especially now when the king was so mad but there was no time for thinking about the advantages and disadvantages that he came up with. He just needed to act quickly before hell would break loose. “I have no time now, Leander”, Alexander responded, looking like a storm cloud even though Hephaistion was doing his best to calm him down. “But this war will cost you too much, Alexander!” Leander didn’t even care if he would be punished for his bold behavior because he felt like had to do something. At least once in his life he could do something right that could save a lot of lives so there was no coming back at this point. “There is another way to solve this. Everyone saw me talking to that boy at the weeding so I can just admit that I killed him.” Alexander looked at him like on a ghost, trying to say something but the only thing that came out of his mouth was a quiet: “What…?” 

Hephaistion's head whipped around as soon as the words left his brother's mouth. He couldn't be serious, he simply _could not be serious_. That's why he only was able to shake his head and his grip on Alexander's arm immediately tightened.  
„No.“  
The shaking of his head got stronger and he let go of his husband all of a sudden, stomping over to his stupid, oh so stupid brother. „Do you even know what you're saying?“  
Hephaistion tried to keep his voice steady, but it broke on the last word. Only thinking about losing Leander hurt him so much he could barely breathe. This wouldn't happen. Hephaistion himself would make sure of that.  
„We are so not doing this. I would rather sacrifice myself than let you do this.“  
He came to a halt in front of him and looked him dead in the eyes after he scanned his face with his own, his eyebrows furrowed in an angry way.   
„You will go to your dorms now and stay there. Or no, I have a better idea. I will lead your way myself until we found a solution.“  
He grabbed his arm, his heart beating madly in his own chest and for a moment he couldn't hear anything else besides his heartbeat, thundering in his ears. The fear of losing his brother was overwhelming by now and he had to make sure he was safe.  
„Come on. And you will stay there until everything will be over.“

“Hephaistion!” Leander pulled his hand out of his brother’s grip and sighed heavily, looking him straight into the eyes. “I don’t need you to babysit me! I’m older than you and I can make my own decisions. And you are for sure aware of the fact that it would solve everything without the need for a war.” It wasn’t that he wanted to die, actually quite the opposite but he knew that it was the only way now. He wasn’t a king, he didn’t have his other half and Hephaistion was able to take care of their mother and Zora. Leander was fully aware of the fact that his life meant less than his brother’s. But at least now he was able to prove that he also could do something for everyone. “No!” Alexander rose up from his place, making the siblings look at him. He was simply too shocked to react at first but now when he was sure that Leander wasn’t lying he knew that he needed to do something about it. In the end, Hephaistion would never forgive himself if something would happen to his beloved brother. “I already decided, Leander. Of course I appreciate your sacrifice but the war will take place. That is my will and my order. I don’t want any of you dead”, he said with a cold voice, daring them to stand up against his will. 

„I can't believe that you see this as _babysitting_. You really have lost your mind.“ Hephaistion turned his head away, not being able to look at his brother any longer. Still shaking his head, he stepped away from him and looked at Alexander for a moment, looking into his stony face and his cold eyes. His voice even sent an unpleasant shiver down his spine. This situation seemed so surreal that he nearly laughed. On the one side, there was his husband who decided to start a war and on the other side, his brother who wanted to sacrifice himself in order to stop that war. This was insane.  
Hephaistion sighed and touched his forehead with his hand, suddenly feeling a heavy headache building itself inside of his skull.  
„Okay“, he snuffled, turning around. „So you came to a conclusion all by yourself. I don't think that I am needed here any longer.“ He didn't want to hear Leander suggesting such nonsense anymore and he couldn't bear Alexander's cold behavior, either. He simply had to get out of here and mentally prepare himself to protect Alexander's life with his own.  
With his head hung low, he made his way to the doors, the urge for drowning his heavy heart in wine was growing with every step he took.  
„Do as you like, my king.“ And with that he closed the door with a small thud behind his back.

“Hepha…!” Leander turned around to run after his brother but he was stopped in his tracks by Alexander’s harsh voice. “No. Leave him alone for now. He needs to clear his mind.” - “But we should…” - “I know what I’m saying, Leander.” Alexander sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, looking at some spot in the distance. “We both made him feel bad and useless, especially me and my selfishness and it’s really better now to give him some time rather than treating him like an egg. He hates that.” Leander sighed and looked at the closed doors, trying to figure out what to do now. He felt the need to go after Hephaistion and explain his motives to him but he knew that Alexander was right – Hephaistion needed some time to calm himself down. They all needed it. But it made his heart ache so badly when he saw how much Hephaistion was carrying on his shoulders. 

Hephaistion decided to head straight to his dorms as soon as he closed the door behind him. He could hear Leander calling after him, but right now he really couldn't care less. The two most important men in his life decided such massive things over his head and they didn't even ask for his opinion. Even if they did, it wouldn't mean a lot at all, he was sure of that.   
He massaged the bridge of his nose with two of his fingers as he quickly made his way to his old dorms. Definitely needing some space right now, he decided to spend this day in his old environment where he felt safe and secure.  
A small sigh left his chest when he opened the door and looked around, taking in the sight of his old rooms he lived in not so long ago. He stepped in and sat down at the table standing in front of the window and braced his head in his hands.  
It was beyond belief how useless he felt just now.  
Hephaistion didn't know how long he sat there in his dorms, but at least two hours passed since he called for a servant boy and ordered to bring him some wine. At first he was scared that it could be poisoned, but the boy didn't behave in a strange way so he thanked and dismissed him soon after. But even if it were, the problem would be solved soon enough. At that thought he laughed bitterly and started to drink.  
By now, the wine made his head heavy and he practically was lying on the table but he couldn't care less. There wasn't anyone here to see him like that anyway and he really had to get rid of those dark thoughts that clouded his mind ever since he found that body.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, dear readers :)
> 
> Sorry for the belated update, my best friend stayed at mine for the whole long weekend so I didn't have the time to proof read anything, but I hope that you can forgive me and enjoy the new chapter nonetheless. :3
> 
> Lots of love,  
> Yumi ♥

Alexander was looking intently at his husband who didn’t even look up at him once since the war or rather the _battle_ ended. Thebe’s army was nothing against the king’s and the city turned into ashes in a few hours with minimal loss from Alexander’s side. But Hephaistion still wasn’t looking at him. He didn’t even say more than a few words since the king’s decision about the war so it had been almost five long days. Still, Hephaistion was now sitting in front of him and taking care of Alexander’s injured chest. It wasn’t anything bad or even worth any concern, just a shallow cut, but Phai forced him to sit down and now he was gently washing it, not looking his husband straight in the eyes. “Hephaistion…” Alexander sighed heavily and gently caught his lover’s wrist but the man quickly but delicately pulled it off, pretending to wet the cloth once again. “Just listen to me, Phai”, the king started, not trying to touch his husband again even though he was longing for him even more than normally. “I know that you are mad at me because I decided everything myself but you know that I am nothing without you. I cannot lose you. You are my everything. And yes, we should have talked about it first but you know how much benefits this war gave us.” It hurt him to watch Hephaistion’s silent pain but he really didn’t know what to do about this. For the past five days, they weren’t even sleeping in the same dorms but Alexander thought that it would just pass but it was clear that his husband wasn’t going to forgive him anytime soon. It was making him feel bad and he wanted to make it up to Hephaistion but he couldn’t do anything when the latter wasn’t talking to him at all. 

It was hard, not looking into his husband's eyes, but Hephaistion tried his best and managed not to look at him even once. Instead, he glued his gaze to his own hands, which patched up Alexander's chest bit by bit. When he finished cleaning his wound, he stood up and went to a cupboard, drenching a small bit of bandage in some ointment. He knew exactly that Alexander was watching him but he couldn't bring himself to look him in his face after everything that happened. Even though he knew, that he only did it to save him, Hephaistion couldn't stop but feeling useless and it was driving him insane. He even asked himself why Alexander married him – after all, everything was still the same. Hephaistion had nothing to add and apparently, he was only the good looking sidekick of the king. Nothing changed.  
He sighed quietly and turned around, putting the piece of bandage over the cut when he reached Alexander, before he bandaged his chest, gently tying a little knot on his shoulder.   
When Hephaistion looked up, he made the mistake to automatically search for Alexander's face, but when their eyes met, he quickly averted his eyes again and collected his supplies.  
„You mean, how much this war gave _you_.“ In a swift motion, Hephaistion got up and tucked the things away, before he started to wash the cloth in clean water, turning his back on Alexander.   
He knew how much the king cared for him, but it hurt him so much that he wasn't worth it to be listened to that he could barely handle it. Alexander wasn't nothing without him, he was everything. For everyone. And he didn't need him as much as he liked to say it, Hephaistion knew that now.

“Hephaistion, I know that I didn’t treat you like I should. You are a king and you have as much to say in every matter as I do, but that time… I needed to protect your honor. You know that.” Alexander looked at his husband hopefully but Hephaistion was still avoiding eye contact with him. He felt bad for making his lover feel this way and now he was sure that he was misunderstanding the situation. Hephaistion was really hurt by his behavior. “Phai, please, forgive me. We can’t go on like this forever. We are married and yet we are not even spending time together more than it’s absolute necessary.” He really missed his lover even with his bossy side and witty remarks that were sometimes getting on his nerves. “I know that I didn’t treat you right, that I didn’t treat you like my equal, like I promised to… but give me one more chance. You can scream at me, you can hit me. Anything, Hephaistion. Anything will be better than this indifference! I can’t take it anymore.” 

Hephaistion snorted. „And you think that you're protecting my honor by ignoring and undermining my authority?“ Alexander couldn't be serious. But who was Hephaistion to complain about his behaviour, he was always like that and he wouldn't change, ever. After all, he was the king, the only rightful one. He himself didn't have anything to say – after this issue more than ever. He was sure that even Leander wasn't taking him serious as a king and he was his brother. What the others thought of him – he didn't even want to know that.  
„You know what“, he sighed after he straightened his back and put the cloth away, „I don't care anymore. Do as you like, I don't have the right to contradict you.“  
Turning around, he made his way past Alexander and went straight to the balcony, leaning against the balustrade and looked down where some of the soldiers were celebrating that they made it back home in one piece.  
Hephaistion sighed again and shook his head, thinking about Alexander's words. How many chances was he supposed to give him before he couldn't take it anymore himself? He loved the other man more than his life, but he was sick of oppressing his own pride and will in order to satisfy Alexander. But apparently this was the only way to make the king happy.  
„I don't want to scream at you, nor do I want to hit you, Alexander. I know my place now, so I will just keep in the background with my mouth shut.“ Just like the forbidden, subordinated lover he was supposed to be.

“This is the last thing I want you to do. You are my husband, Hephaistion, not my concubine.” Alexander stood up and followed his lover to the balcony, measuring every word he wanted to say. Word games with Hephaistion weren’t easy and one bad move could make his husband even more upset. “I acted selfish. I know that and I think that I’ve got the message when you were sleeping in your old dorms for the past days. Hephaistion, you are my best soldier and you are the only one who is able to defeat me”, he murmured quietly, putting his hands on Phai’s shoulders and stepped a bit closer, intently observing his lover’s moves. “Do you really think that I treat you like a subordinate?” Alexander sighed quietly and kissed the back of Hephaistion’s head. He really wanted the things between them to go back to the way they were before they got married but he needed some support from his lover. 

Hephaistion nodded shortly to himself, a bitter smile playing with his lips. Of course Alexander's biggest problem was that he wasn't sleeping with him anymore. And he wasn't supposed to think he was his _concubine_ , like Alexander just said himself? It was pretty hard not to think so.  
He closed his eyes and sighed at Alexander's touches and bent his head to the side, as if he wanted to show him his submission. There was no use to keep on arguing, the damage was done, the war over and Hephaistion knew his place now. So he should behave now, it was his duty to keep his husband entertained and happy. Behaving like that wasn't right.  
„What do you want me to do now?“, he asked and looked into the sky, his grip growing stronger around the balustrade. „Just tell me and I will do so.“

Alexander closed his eyes, enjoying the closeness of his lover, the warmness of his skin and his sweet smell before he let go of him and stepped back, trying to memorize all these small things that were making Hephaistion. It somehow felt like a goodbye even though it was nothing like this but Alexander was sure that he killed something inside of Hephaistion and there was no way to fix it. The king opened his eyes and looked at Hephaistion’s silhouette in the moonlight. He couldn’t even remember if Phai ever showed him his back before without as much as once glance. And it hurt so fucking much it made him want to just run away until he would be able to breathe properly again. “I want you to do what you want to do”, he spoke softly after what felt like an eternity. There was nothing else to say, his head was empty and he felt a void where his heart should be. Well, Hephaistion was carrying his heart so there was no wonder why he felt so fucking empty. “I shall leave you now, Hephaistion. I am sure that you are tired.” Alexander looked at his lover once again, wanting so badly to touch him, to gather him in his arms and never let go but he wasn’t allowed to. Not anymore. 

Hephaistion nodded, that smile still lingering on his lips. His grip tightened even more until he could see his knuckles turning his skin white, embracing the pain it caused. It was nothing compared to the stinging he felt in his heart right now, so he welcomed the distraction more than anything. He straightened his back and raised his voice after he cleared his throat.  
„Okay. I wish you a restorative night. Rest well, my king.“  
It made him swallow hard to say those words, but he had to let Alexander go. He deserved more than a hurt husband who couldn't deal with the pain in his heart and his hurt pride. Especially not so soon after their marriage. He needed someone to make him happy, to satisfy his needs in more than one way and Hephaistion was unable to give this to him.  
He closed his eyes at the thought of Alexander, finding a way to replace him even though he knew he wouldn't do this. Well, at least he _hoped_ so. It made him swallow against the lump in his throat nonetheless.  
Sighing, Hephaistion braced his elbows on the balustrade after he leaned his body forward and his head in his hands, self hatred and pity overwhelming him all of a sudden.

# ~*~

Leander looked at his brother with pity in his eyes. A week passed since the war and Hephaistion seemed to get worse and worse with every passing day. He already lost a few kilos and dark circles under his eyes weren’t adding him any beauty. Leander remembered only one time when Phai had been this love sick – a few years ago when he first realized that he was in love with Alexander and he thought that he had no chances. Dark times. “Stop pitying yourself, lil' brother. Be a man.” Leander rested his head on his hand and took a big sip of his wine. And to think that he could be receiving an amazing blow job right now… Hephaistion really should appreciate him more for what he was doing for him. “You know that he loves you and one mistake doesn’t mean that he will treat you like he did all the time.” Leander looked into the cup and sighed heavily, very unhappy about the fact that there was no alcohol left. He was definitely still too sober to deal with his brother’s heart problems. “Besides, it’s your honeymoon. You two should be fucking right now in every corner of this palace.” The man leaned back in the comfy armchair and rolled his eyes when he heard another sigh from Hephaistion’s mouth. How was he supposed to treat his brother like a king? “You are definitely too young to be this sour, Hephaistion”, he said, really wishing for some more wine. “And you are a king. You can do whatever you want and instead, you just sit there like some pussy, being depressed like Alexander at least left you for some boobs.” 

Hephaistion whipped around and looked at his brother with disbelief in his eyes, fury finding its way into his face with every passing second. „I don't need your wise words, Leander.“ He couldn't believe what his brother just said, making him feel even worse than he already did. The last thing he needed now was the other man to share his wisdom with him. „If you don't want to be here, then go, I can find myself another companion to talk to, thank you very much! You have no idea what you are talking about. You really don't.“  
He turned around again, suddenly angry and not wanting to look at Leander again who was sitting in his chair with such an uninterested look on his face that it made Hephaistion's blood boil in his veins. If he didn't want to listen to his brother, then fine, there was the door. He could leave whenever he wanted to, Hephaistion wasn't forccing him to stay. He simply hoped that he would get some sympathy from his brother, but oh, was he _wrong_.  
„Don't try to fool me. It's not as if you're seeing me as a king. And who knows, maybe sitting here _like some pussy_ is exactly what I want.“

“I will treat you like a king when you will finally start to act like one”, Leander snorted. He couldn’t believe how stupid his brother could be sometimes. Did he really not see that he acted like some teenager with a broken heart? Completely unlike a king. “Well, if that’s what you want then I’m completely fine with this”, he said, looking at Hephaistion with his best unimpressed look. He was his older brother so he wasn’t up to treat him like some fragile egg like everyone around the young king did. No. Someone needed to keep him close to earth. “But don’t cry on my shoulder when Alexander will finally leave you.” Leander knew that it was a low punch but Hephaistion needed to finally wake up. The problems wouldn’t magically solve themselves just because his poor little brother was sad. “You should prove him your worth instead of acting like some sissy, Hephaistion, because you are really going to lose him at this rate.” 

Hephaistion couldn't stop himself; he gasped for air at Leander's words. How dare he speak to him like that? How could he say these things, fully knowing what they would do to him? It literally knocked the air out of his lungs and he head to steady himself when the image of Alexander leaving him flashed before his eyes. His heart felt as if it ripped itself in two after beating madly in his chest. He turned his head away and closed his eyes, burying his fingers into his clothes. Hephaistion had no idea that his brother could be so cruel and cold hearted towards him.   
But Leander was right. He had to do something, otherwise the king would really let go of him. After all, Hephaistion wasn't anyone special, he didn't have any merit and Alexander could do better than with him. It was a miracle that he wanted him until now.   
Hephaistion swallowed and tried not to think about the possibility that the king was occupied with someone else right now and nodded shortly, still not looking at Leander. He had to go and talk to Alexander, now. Maybe it wasn't too late to fix things now and if Hephaistion behaved inferior enough, perhaps there was a chance that Alexander could forgive him. Even though he didn't want to, because his feelings were still hurt and his heart broken, not to mention his hurt pride, he made a decision. „Thank you“, was all he said, his voice cold, as he headed past him and through the door.

Leander only rolled his eyes again, not saying a word. He knew that Hephaistion would understand how much Leander actually helped him but he needed time for it. As always. But he fulfilled his task as an older brother so his conscience was crystal clear. Although the thoughts of his younger sibling quickly flew from his head when a really pretty servant boy came into the room. The man smiled predatory and nodded at the boy to come closer.

# ~*~

Alexander felt really shitty. With every passing day, he was losing his hope that Hephaistion would finally forgive him. Actually, he didn’t even see him once for the past two days and his mother wasn’t helping the situation. Olympias was visiting him a lot lately, trying to fog his mind with her poisonous words but he didn’t want to even hear about the possibility of divorcing Hephaistion so today, he forbid his mother visiting him. He had enough and in his need to forget about the pain he was now drowning his sadness in alcohol. Servant boys were doing their best to make their king happy but Alexander was stone cold towards their efforts. The only one who could make him feel better was Hephaistion but he wasn’t here so Alexander took another big sip from his cup, feeling as the world was spinning around him. He was sure that he would regret that in the morning but the vision of another night alone was killing him more right now than the possibility of a hangover. 

The whole way down the corridors to Alexander's rooms, Hephaistion was muttering and swearing under his breath. Leander could be such a pain in the ass, he couldn't believe that he was his brother. Having such a family member, he didn't need any foes, that shithead knew exactly how to hurt him. But he was right after all, the young king knew that, but he couldn't help himself and let out a quiet, but heavy swearword towards his brother as he reached the door that – hopefully – was the only barrier between him and his husband.  
It took him a few minutes to gather his courage and knock at the door, the sound of the wood under his knuckles echoing in the slightly illuminated hallway. His heart started to beat faster as he opened the door after he quickly straightened his hair and took a deep breath. As he entered the room, he held his head high and looked around the room, his eyes searching for the blond mane immediately. As he found him, his eyes locked with the other's for mere seconds in which he was unable to look away, a sudden wave of longing crashing over him, before he shot a glance to the servant boy being in the room, telling him with one cold glare to leave the room. Apparently, Alexander wasn't surrounded by idiots because the boy quickly found his way out of the room and Hephaistion thanked him by exhaling a breath he didn't know he held until now.  
„Alexander“, he said quietly and looked him into the eyes, a small kind of insecure expression on his face. Hesitating, he took a step towards him and then another, not sure if he was wanted here or not. „Can I talk to you?“

Alexander looked at the man that just entered the room and for a second he forgot how to breathe. It was simply impossible for Hephaistion to be here. It was all because of the alcohol, maybe even someone added something to his wine so he had hallucinations. “Phai…” He wasn’t even sure if this word really left his mouth or if he simply thought about his lover’s name. The king tried to sit up but it only made the world around him spin faster and he quickly gave up this idea and lied back, breathing heavily and wishing that he didn't drink this much. He felt pathetic in that moment and Hephaistion really shouldn’t see him like this. “Yes…”, he said softly when his husband asked him if they could talk. Actually, he wanted to laugh because since when needed Phai his permission to talk to him? But he held himself back, trying again to sit up. This time, he succeeded but it took him a moment to think straight again. ”What do you want to talk about?“ Alexander looked up at his lover, trying to read some emotions on his face but he was simply too drunk now to do that. 

Hephaistion smiled a little and fully entered the room by crossing the last remaining distance between them. Seeing Alexander after all this time made his legs wobbly and his heart beat faster but it felt so good being near him again, that he couldn't care less. As he sat down, he could smell the wine on Alexander and his eyes flickered to the cup in his hands, making him feel a little uncomfortable. Apparently, the king tried to forget something by drowning himself in alcohol. Maybe he even tried to forget his husband. Hephaistion swallowed and slowly reached for the cup and took it out of Alexander's hand, his eyes not leaving the brown ones which seemed to be a bit dazed, putting it on the nightstand. Then he looked down at his hands in his lap, before he changed his position, now sitting with one bent leg on the bed, so that he could look his husband better in the face. „I want to talk about us“, he said carefully, looking up and searching for some reactions in the other's eyes.

Alexander watched intently at his husband, not sure about what Hephaistion was up to but he couldn’t deny that he felt relieved when Phai sat down in front of him, as beautiful as always and the king wanted to touch him, to feel that he was really here but he stopped himself. After all, he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to touch his husband. Maybe Hephaistion was still angry with him. “What about us?”, he asked, trying to keep himself straight. He didn’t want to show Hephaistion how much these words were making him worry that the love of his life would walk out of his life in a minute. Well, he wouldn’t be surprised but just thinking about it was making him sick and right now he was really thankful that Phai took his cup away because he was sure that his hands were slightly shaking. 

„Well“, Hephaistion started, still looking into his lover's eyes, feeling how his own thoughts carried him away and how he lost focus. He had no idea how to start this conversation and Alexander's facial expression wasn't helping him at all. He looked way too incurious and the young man couldn't read him at all. Worrying his lips, Hephaistion turned his face away and looked out of the window for a moment, thinking hard and contemplating his life.   
„You know how the last few days passed and I don't think... that this will work out when we continue like that.“ He spoke slowly, thinking about every single word he said aloud, looking with sad eyes at his husband, as the last days flashed in front of him. He didn't imagine his wedding to end in such a disastrous way, even leading into a war. But they couldn't continue their lives like that, Hephaistion knew that, and he started to think about a way to apologize to Alexander, already forming the words in his head. He needed him more than anything, he couldn't live without his everything, but how was he supposed to apologize, when he wasn't used to be the one saying such words? Actually, he never needed to say sorry to the king, simply because he always behaved right, always protected Alexander and stood by his side, no matter what. It made him feel bad that he was in such a situation now. He couldn't believe what had become of him, an unsteady, weak man who let down the only person that mattered in his life. It hurt Hephaistion so much, that he had to close his eyes, burying his fingers into the sheets.

Alexander didn’t break the silence when Hephaistion looked at him and said nothing. It was clear to him, even in his drunken state, that his husband had to tell him something important and that he was trying to make it as painless as possible. Gentle and kind as always. But this time it was making the knot in Alexander’s stomach tighten uncomfortably. But Hephaistion’s next words were like a punch below the waist even though he was preparing for it for a few days now. But his efforts were useless because hearing concerns from Hephaistion’s lips was unbearable and he had a really hard time to remember how to breathe. The king looked at his lover when Phai finally looked back at him and watched the array of emotions play out on his face and then Phai’s eyes gazed up towards him, and in the moonlight that shone through the window, he saw the intense yearning in those blue irises. He heard the unspoken words and instinctively pulled himself closer to his lover. Pulled by some unknown force, Alexander lifted a hand up to the side of Phai’s face, his thumb gently caressing his cheek. He could hear Hephaistion’s heart beating loudly in the loaded silence now, knowing that Phai didn’t want their ways to part as little as Alexander. Something within him roared to protect his husband, to stop the distress and anguish he felt, and he clenched his jaw with fierce restraint, even as his hand embraced Hephaistion’s waist, pulling him closer. “It doesn’t have to be like this, Phai”, he spoke quietly, looking him deep in the eyes. “You are still my whole world and you always will be my everything.” 

Hephaistion could feel something warm building inside of his stomach when Alexander touched him, this gentle contact literally made him shiver. It made him realize how much he missed his husband, how much he yearned for him. He closed his eyes and moved closer to him, putting his arms around him before he carefully rested his chin on Alexander's shoulder.   
„I am sorry“, he said after a while, hugging him tighter as he enjoyed his husband's warmth against his own body. But he wasn't allowed to feel like that, not anymore, at least not now. First, he had to apologize and convince him that he really was sorry. How did Leander call it? He had to prove his worth.   
That's why why he let go of him, looking him into the eyes, before he lifted his hand and gently stroke a strand of hair out of his face. „I was stupid“, he started, his eyes never leaving Alexander's face, even though it was hard to keep a straight face, but at least he could keep his emotions at bay.  
„I behaved like a little child and didn't see that you were right, all the time. I risked losing you to someone else, hell, I don't even know if I already lost you, but you have to know that I love you. My pride always was in my way, you know that, but I am willing to give in.“  
Hephaistion stopped for a moment to breathe, wondering if Alexander understood what he was telling him, as his eyes apparently had a hard time to stay focused on him. He never was able to say no to the sweet oblivion caused by wine.   
„You are everything I need, Alexander. I am nothing without you and only the thought of losing you is tearing me apart.“  
He reached for his hand and kissed the back of it, keeping his eyes down.   
„Please don't leave me.“


	31. Chapter 31

The king cuddled his husband to his chest and kissed the back of his head. Even though he was pretty drunk he still was able to understand what Hephaistion was saying and it made his heart fill with joy, knowing that Phai still wanted to be with him. “I will never leave you, Phai. As long as you will love me and want me.” Now he felt a lot calmer and even a bit sober as he could feel his lover’s closeness. Hephaistion’s touch made all of his senses calm down and finally, he was able to function normally. “You don’t even know how much I have missed you”, he whispered into Hephaistion’s ear, taking in his beautiful scent. Alexander actually couldn’t believe that it was all real and that Phai was now in his arms after all the things that he did to him but he was now desperately holding him, not willing to let him go, ever again. 

Hephaistion smiled and turned his head into Alexander's direction, hiding his nose in the curve of his neck. It felt amazing, knowing that Alexander still wanted him, after his selfish and immature behavior. He sighed and kissed his skin, moving closer again, but when the smell of the wine hit his nose again, he closed his eyes and smiled. He should have known better, talking to Alexander when he was drunk was always a bit risky. He had no idea whether the other would remember what he said the next morning or if he would forget everything that happened.  
„Alexander“, is why Hephaistion murmured after a while, gently pushing against his chest because he wanted to look him in the eyes. But when he noticed that Alexander wasn't willing to let him go, he let out a small chuckle.  
„Alexander, let go of me. You are drunk, I should come tomorrow when you are sober.“ Even though he really enjoyed being that close to him, he still had to go. He could feel how the yearning for his husband grew with every passing second and he didn't want to ruin their reunion with it.  
„Please?“

Alexander growled a bit at Hephaistion’s request, not willing to let him go ever again but especially not now. He simply didn’t want to risk that his husband would change his mind over the night. “Stay with me, Phai. I need you”, he murmured, tightening his grip on his lover. After not being able to touch him for so long, Alexander wasn’t able to let him go now, especially in his drunken state. Besides, Hephaistion smelled so good and intoxicating and the warmness of his body was making the king’s heart beat faster, the desire for his husband burning with a renewed passion. “I want you here, with me.” Alexander looked into his lover’s eyes and wasn't able to refrain any longer; he kissed Hephaistion gently, trying to show him exactly how much he missed him. 

Hephaistion sighed in a content way as Alexander pulled him tighter to his chest. He should have known that he wouldn't let go of him, he simply should have known better. Alexander was always so stubborn and kept going until he got what he wanted.  
„I need you, too“, he said against his neck, his smile slowly faded as he closed his eyes, realizing how true his words were all of a sudden. He clutched him tighter, trying to ignore his heart and at first, he actually managed to do so.  
„But it's really better if I go now“, he said, determined to get out of here before his heart won over his head. He pulled back again and looked into Alexander's face, an illegible expression on his face. „We still have to talk about -“ But he didn't get to finish his sentence, Alexander cut him off by occupying his lips with his mouth. Hephaistion stilled for a second, his first instinct was to turn his head away, but his body froze and he couldn't move a single finger. They had to talk. They really had to talk this through the next they when Alexander was able to think straight again. And he really had to go now, he _had_ to go now... But instead of finally pulling away and running out of this room, he gently let his fingers slip into his husband's hair, pulling him closer to him before he kissed him back, cautious first, still not convinced that it was right to be here.

Alexander smiled a bit when Hephaistion kissed him back and started to massage his head gently. Actually, he wasn’t sure if kissing his husband now was a good idea but his drunk mind wasn’t working on full potential so his instincts took control over his body. Still, he was quite aware that it was probably a bit too soon, that’s why he was so happy that Hephaistion didn’t hit him or ran away. “We will talk about it in the morning”, he murmured when they finally parted, trying to catch their breaths. “I missed you too much to let you go now, Phai.” Alexander smiled and looked into Hephaistion’s eyes that were mirroring his desire. So after all, his husband was still sexually attracted to him even after their not so marvelous wedding night. Besides, that could be fixed with new memories. Alexander licked his lips slowly as his hands traveled up and down Hephaistion’s side, testing how far he could go. “So maybe you will stay with me tonight?”, the king asked hopefully, teasingly kissing his husband’s neck. 

„You always want to talk in the mornings“, Hephaistion said and smiled, slightly shaking his head. It really was true. Apparently, Alexander liked to push his problems away, far away for as long as possible. It made him chuckle, because sometimes his husband could really behave like a little child. But he didn't mind, since he was happy to be here by his side.  
Alexander's touches made him shiver and he had to close his eyes when he suddenly wasn't able to look into his eyes anymore, which were burning into his own, looking right inside of him.   
Hephaistion leaned his forehead against Alexander's after he pecked a small kiss on the tip of his nose, slowly nodding.  
„Okay, he whispered, reaching for his husband's hand as he mingled their fingers together. „I will stay.“

„But I promise that we will talk in the morning. When I will be more sober…”, he said softly while making a hickey on his lover’s neck. All of the previous love marks made by Alexander already vanished and the king wasn’t very happy about this because probably a lot of people already noticed that something was wrong between them. “Now we can make something more… pleasurable”, he murmured, pulling up Hephaistion’s robe and touching his strong thighs. “What do you think about this plan?”, he asked, already feeling that his cock was getting hard at the thought that Hephaistion was here and his again. But still, he was able to stop right now if that wasn’t what his husband wanted. Even though he was drunk he didn’t want to make the same mistakes as in the past. 

„I think that talking can be very pleasurable as well“, Hephaistion grinned when he felt Alexander's hands on his thighs, „but I will let you go through with it.“ He closed his eyes for a second, feeling how a shiver of arousal fled through his body, before he gasped for air.  
„Alexander, no! Stop!“ He pushed him away, slightly snarling. Looking into his eyes, he pushed him down and sat down on top of him, letting out a relieved sigh when his half hard cock touched Alexander's. The friction was already so good after all this time, even through their clothes. Still looking a bit pissed, he grabbed his husband's wrists and pressed them into the mattress.  
„No marking. At least not for you. I really don't want to endure my mother's looks tomorrow.“ Hephaistion leaned down and kissed him feathery on his lips, before he put a cocky grin on his lips. „Alright?“

At first, Alexander thought that he really crossed the line but when he felt Hephaistion’s hard cock, he couldn’t help himself but moan shamelessly and in an instant, he forgot about the past few days. The only thing that mattered now was his horny husband. “Yes. Whatever you want”, he said when Hephaistion’s words finally got through his lust fogged mind. He was now able to do anything that Phai would ask him to do if that would mean getting more pleasure because as nice as the things felt now, it still wasn’t enough. Not after such a long time of celibacy. “I want you, Hephaistion”, the king said in a low voice, grinding his hips against Phai’s. “It has been too long since the last time I touched you…” 

Hephaistion bit down on his lips when Alexander moved his hips, determined not to let go too early. He always was the one with the higher self-control, especially now when Alexander was drunk, and he had to make it up for his husband. In the end, he was the one who ruined their wedding night, not to speak of the week that followed.  
„I want you, too, my king“, Hephaistion whispered to get rid of his own dark thoughts as he began to kiss his way down Alexander's neck, marking him by biting his skin right under his jawline. He simply loved to do that, particularly when his husband moaned so sweetly underneath him just like he did now. Smiling, the young king got rid of Alexander's clothes without him noticing since his hand was occupied south of his waist, and glided down his body.  
„Then touch me“, he said, way too late so his words weren't really a return to Alexander's, but instead of letting him touch him, Hephaistion bit down hard on his hip, slowly massaging Alexander's hard cock.  
„If you can.“

Alexander nearly came when Hephaistion touched his leaking cock. It had been a really long time during which he actually never made himself feel good because every time he was starting to get aroused, the guilt was hitting him with doubled power, quickly discouraging him to touch himself even a bit. But somehow he actually managed not to come as fast as a virgin teenager even though Hephaistion knew exactly what to do to make Alexander see stars. “Damn you… I want to touch you, too. I need it Hepha… fuck!” The king moaned loudly when he felt how Phai licked the underside of his cock, making him forget what he wanted to say. Little bastard, taking advantage of his husband when he was so drunk that he could barely think. Although it felt so good that Alexander didn’t mind this much but touching Hephaistion was his favorite hobby. Besides, he couldn’t remember the last time he heard his name moaned by his lover and it was making him really nervous. 

Alexander's reactions made Hephaistion grin in such a demoniacal way that he thought it would tear his face apart. It made him so happy that he still was able to elicit such reactions from him, even after all this time. At first, he was scared that Alexander wouldn't want him anymore, but when he had his fully erected cock in his mouth, his concerns vanished.  
Holding his husband down by pushing his hips into the mattress, Hephaistion started to concentrate on sucking him off, controlling his body with his hands on the other's hips when Alexander started to thrust them upwards. He moved his head and swallowed around his cock, his own already leaking precome into the sheets, but right now he didn't care. The only thing that was on Hephaistion's mind was to please his lover. He deserved it, he deserved so much more.   
He let go of him and licked his balls, before he lifted his head and looked straight into Alexander's eyes.  
„I want to taste you, Alexander“, he panted, his voice heavy with want, as he captured his gaze. „Come for me.“ The want in his voice got replaced with a command, not accepting any object, before taking his cock back into his hot mouth, not breaking eye contact even for a second.

Alexander looked down at Hephaistion and bit his lip hard, feeling the metallic taste of blood on his tongue. It was really too much and he was sure that this time, he wouldn’t last long, especially not when Phai was doing everything to make him come hard and fast. “Phai! Fuck!” He screamed, bending his back when his orgasm hit him hard. Alexander literally saw white for a few moments, especially when he could feel how Hephaistion was still sucking on his sensitive dick, making him moan shamelessly a little more. Little fucker. Always making a mess out of him. “Fuck me, Phai”, he murmured when his lover finally let go of his dick and licked his sinful lips. The king knew that his lover needed release as well and it was a great opportunity to show him how much he still trusted him. Maybe the last time wasn’t great and Alexander still had concerns but he was sure that this time everything would go well. 

Hephaistion let out a relieved sigh when he felt how his lover came mere seconds later. He nearly released himself, overwhelmed because he was finally able to taste him again, to touch him, to make him come. It was the most satisfying thing for him, knowing that he was the one Alexander came apart under.  
He let go of him and leaned back, looking at his husband who looked so deliciously spent that it made him shiver. With a cocky grin, Hephaistion got on his knees and started to get rid of his own clothes, wanting to feel Alexander's hot skin against his own, simply being as close as possible to him. But when Alexander opened his mouth, he haltened in his tracks and stopped undressing himself and looked flabbergasted at him. His heart was beating madly in his chest by now and he could feel how a blush was creeping up his neck, his hands shook nervously all of a sudden. Alexander couldn't be serious, not after what happened. Hephaistion swallowed and tried to get rid of those memories that still were haunting him, burying his fingers in his clothes after he took them off with slow motions.  
„Alexander“, Hephaistion sighed and looked at his king, insecurity clearly written on his face. He couldn't. He swore himself that he wouldn't spot a finger on him like that ever again. After all, he thought that he wasn't in the position for making Alexander fully his, he had to comply...  
Biting his lips when his hard cock tried to get some attention, Hephaistion leaned down and cupped Alexander's face with one of his hands and kissed him. „I... I don't know...“ He stopped and didn't finish his sentence, instead he closed his mouth again and watched his husband intently, tenderly caressing his sides with both of his hands.

Alexander watched his husband intently as Hephaistion was quickly taking his clothes off, showing his toned and nicely muscled body to the king’s hungry gaze. Phai was really perfect, there was no use in denying it. And even though he visibly lost some weight lately, Alexander still couldn’t avert his gaze off of him, admiring the slender lines of his body, the flat stomach, those hard thighs and his tick, long cock between them. He licked his lips, really wanting Hephaistion’s manhood inside of him so his husband would have him the same way Alexander had him so many times. There had been a time when he really thought that it was a dishonor to a man to be the passive lover but now it was completely different and it felt so intimate to give all of himself to his husband. He actually felt proud that he had a strong, independent lover like Hephaistion and he finally was ready to show him how much he valued him as a man. But then Hephaistion stopped after Alexander’s words and the king could practically feel the anxiety vibrating from him. Even when Hephaistion leaned down and kissed him, there was still insecurity written all over his face. So after all this time his lover was still blaming himself… The king sighed and took the jar from the bedside table and poured oil over his fingers. “But I know”, he said with a steady voice, pushing two fingers into himself. It still felt unpleasant but he was sure that it would pass with the time. “And I want you to fuck me, Hephaistion.” There wasn’t even a single vibe of uncertainty in his voice as his second hand wrapped around Phai’s hard cock. Alexander wanted his husband inside of him and he wanted to make all of his worries go away and sex was a perfect way to solve some of their issues. 

Only the sight of Alexander, lying naked beneath him, was enough for Hephaistion to have his blood boil with arousal. But he couldn't believe his eyes when his lover started to prepare himself for him. He literally gasped for air, his eyes fixed on Alexander's hand, before they found their way up to his face. And the unhidden lust on his face nearly made him lose his mind. He could hear himself swallow hard and opened his mouth to say something, but instead he moaned loudly Alexander's name when he could feel his fingers wrapping themselves around his cock. In order to keep himself from coming, Hephaistion had to close his eyes and put his head back as his breathing came hard.   
He couldn't do this. No matter how much Alexander wanted him, he didn't even know how to _touch_ him, for fuck's sake. He didn't want to ruin it again, by behaving in the wrong way, not treating him right and the way Alexander wanted him to... The memory of their last time was still very vividly on his mind, he really had no desire to go through the same shit again.  
„Alexander“, he moaned, slowly removing his hand from his groin, looking him steadily into the eyes. „I don't want to... disenthrall you again. I can't bear the knowledge... of you being disappointed of me.“  
Hephaistion swallowed again as he felt how an unpleasant feeling started to build in the pit of his stomach. Hell, he really wanted Alexander, he wanted him so badly with ever fiber of his body, he was practically pining over him. He wanted to claim him, to love him until he would forget himself. But the fear of being a failure again, not good enough for his husband, was eating him up from inside. He knew that he was ruining everything again, just by hesitating right now, but he couldn't help himself. He would put aside his own desire only to make Alexander happy.

Alexander sighed, really hoping that Hephaistion would finally give in because doing all the work by himself in his drunken state was really problematic. And he was getting impatient. After all, he would get Hephaistion’s cock that way or another but he would be really thankful for getting it sooner than later because he was already hard again. “You really think too much”, he said as he turned them over so now he was on top of his husband. A small, tricky voice at the back of his head was screaming at him that they should probably talk about it first, make Hephaistion feel secure once again but he was too drunk to care right now. “You never disappointed me, Hephaistion”, he murmured as he took his lover’s cock into his hand and guided it to his hole. It actually didn’t hurt as much as the first time, probably thanks to the alcohol which was making him relaxed and horny as hell. Alexander sighed with content when finally all of Hephaistion’s shaft was inside of him, making him feel full and stretched in a pleasurable way. Now there was no coming back and the king knew the buttons he should press to make his lover cooperate. “Come on, Hephaistion”, he said, leaning down and kissing him hard, bruising the other man’s lip. “You said that you are also a man in this relationship, my equal, so show me that”, he murmured into Hephaistion’s ear, moving slowly on Phai’s cock. “Fuck me. Fill me up and make me yours.” Alexander smiled victoriously when he saw a flash of determination in his husband’s eyes. Yes, that was the Phai he knew. 

Alexander would kill him one day, he definitely would kill him one day. And that day wasn't that far away, Hephaistion knew it. Actually, he thought that he would die in the next following seconds with no way back. His concerns had been washed away as soon as Alexander rolled them over and sat down on top of him. Literally. It pressed the air out of his lungs and his hands immediately lunged forward and gripped Alexander's hips, more to get a grip on himself without losing his sense for reality and less to steady his lover on him. He couldn't believe this was real, Alexander for sure knocked him out because he got bugged by him. This was the only possibility. He was dreaming, there was no other explanation for that.  
But when he felt, how his cock slid into the tight heat of his lover's body, nearly without any hindrance, Hephaistion knew that he wasn't dreaming. He let out a deep moan, pressing his head back into the pillow. „Fuck.“ He couldn't form another word, the feeling of finally, _finally_ being inside of his lover was too much for him. It nearly was a miracle that he didn't come right away.  
When Alexander started to slowly move his hips and spoke his words, something in his brain switched on and he got his senses back. He lifted his eyes which were locked on his own cock, buried deep inside of Alexander, and looked him in the eyes, his lust clearly readable in them, he was sure of that. „Okay“, he panted and his grip became stronger, „okay.“  
Hephaistion wasn't able to tear his eyes away from Alexander's face, mesmerized by the sight he was giving him. He threw his head back and moaned so sweetly as Hephaistion started to slowly thrust into his body while his hands pushed the other back down on him. His neck was bare and it made his mouth water. So he quickly rolled them back around before he spread Alexander's legs a bit wider, adding a bit of speed to his thrusts. He leaned over him and captured his lips with his own and moaned into his mouth when Alexander clenched around his cock, letting him know that he hit his prostate just in the right way. It made Hephaistion grin slightly before he keenly started to bite his neck, marking him just like it pleased him.  
„I will fuck you“, he panted while he tried to memorize this heated expression on Alexander's face, feeling how it only added to his own arousal. „Until you will only remember my name. You are mine, Alexander.“ Hephaistion buried his nose in the crook of his neck while he thrusted his hips until he was completely buried inside of his lover. „Mine.“

The king moaned loudly when Hephaistion finally got himself to work and started to thrust fast and hard into the tight heat of Alexander’s body just like said man needed it. He felt so full in the right way that he was practically painting Phai’s belly with his precome, his cock hard and throbbing but he didn’t care about it now when Hephaistion was his once again. “Damn you”, he moaned when Hephaistion turned them over but he was actually really glad for it because he still wasn’t sober enough to keep his balance for too long. “Fuck!” A scream escaped his lips when Phai hit his prostate, making Alexander see stars. He automatically clenched around his lover and nearly burst out into laughing at the sight of Hephaistion’s smug smile. That little fucker looked really proud of himself and it actually made the king happy to have Phai’s old self back. It was really more fun when both of them were trying to fight their way for dominance. “Yeah… fuck me, Phai”, he demanded, moving his own hips and keeping a tight grip on Hephaistion’s ass so the latter wouldn’t even dare to think about stopping. Alexander would make him regret it, he was sure of it. It just felt so good, just the two of them, connected like they always should be. And even though Alexander wouldn’t say that out loud, it wasn’t that bad for his man pride to be on the bottom. Not when Hephaistion was fucking him hard, treating him like a man and not some fragile woman. “Harder”, he urged his lover, clenching around him once again and slipping his hand down to give his cock some friction. “I need you to fuck me senseless and come inside of me.” 

Hephaistion asked himself with every passing second how it was possible that he was still alive. It didn't feel real, his whole body burned with desire as he kept pounding into Alexander's tight body, and it made him feel so good that it simply wasn't possible to be real.  
He bit down hard on Alexander's neck when he heard his words, trying to calm his breath but it had no use. He was screwed, ruined, he wasn't able to think straight and all he wanted was to please his husband and as he could see now, all of his previous worries were unnecessary and unfounded.  
Hephaistion bit his lips as he worked harder against Alexander, moaning with every thrust by now, feeling how his orgasm started to build in his stomach.   
He braced himself with both of his hands next to Alexander's head and snapped his hips forward, enjoying how his lover flexed his back as his thrusts became more targeted.  
As Alexander tried to touch his own dick, Hephaistion shifted his weight onto one arm, before he slapped his hand away with the other.   
„No touching“, he panted and looked down on him, somehow enjoying the control he had over this situation. Placing a small grin on his lips, he leaned back down and kissed him heavy, ravishing his mouth.   
„I want you to come on my cock. Only my cock. And then“, he moaned, nibbling at the skin covering Alexander's collarbone, „I will mark you with my come myself.“

“Fuck you...” Alexander gripped Hephaistion’s ass harder, knowing full well that if Phai would hit his prostate like this for a bit longer, he would really come untouched. Still, he somehow couldn’t bring himself to care because it felt so fucking amazing. The king snuggled his arms around his lover’s neck and pulled him closer, kissing him hard and demanding as he came, completely untouched just as he predicted. Alexander broke the kiss and wanted to scream but no sound came out of his mouth. This pleasure he felt was just too much for his drunk body. “Fuck…”, he practically whispered, clenching tight around Hephaistion’s shaft, as he was slowly coming back to his senses. Sex with his husband was really amazing and even though this time he wasn’t on top, he still felt wonderful. “Phai…” He smiled a bit, feeling his lover’s hot come inside of him. Hephaistion really must have been saving for this day because Alexander felt really full. At least he was sure now that Hephaistion didn’t use anybody to make him feel good. 

Hephaistion closed his eyes shut and nearly hissed when he felt how Alexander came, getting unbearably tight around him. He wanted to restrain himself a bit longer, but he couldn't and came himself with a last, body wrecking thrust.  
„Fuck indeed“, he laughed weakly, and carefully lied down on top of Alexander, kissing his neck. Damn. He didn't know how much he needed to fuck his husband until now, and he needed it bad. His body felt spent and he thought that he couldn't move a single finger, so he carefully pulled out of Alexander's body, before he slumped down on his back next to him.  
„Fuck“, he repeated and chuckled slightly. He turned his head and looked at Alexander, being sure that his eyes were full of love, but he couldn't help himself. Not now when he knew that Alexander was his. Fully his.  
He opened his mouth, already wanting to ask if he was alright, but he bit down on the inner side of his cheek and thought better of it. The last thing he wanted to do now was ruining their aftermath by behaving too concerned and loving. So he shut his mouth again and looked at the ceiling, trying hard to calm down his breath.

“This was amazing.” Alexander smiled widely, not able to move even a single muscle but he didn’t mind. He felt simply wonderful. “I love you”, he murmured, already drifting to sleep. There was nothing better than sex with his amazing husband. “So much…” Alexander slowly turned on his side and snuggled his arm around Hephaistion’s wait. “We need to talk in the morning”, he promised softly, closing his eyes but continued smiling. “But now sleep”, he yawned and in a minute, he was fast asleep, not letting go of his husband. 

Hephaistion smiled and pulled Alexander closer to him until his husband rested his head on his chest and lazily started to stroke his fingers through the blond mane.  
„I love you even more. Sweet dreams, my love“, he whispered and leaned his head into the pillows, sighing contently.   
He could literally point out the moment when Alexander fell asleep and it only made him smile some more. Yes, they would talk the next morning. But right now, he was so happy and satisfied that he was sure, they would figure it out.  
Hephaistion could feel how the tiredness lied down on him like a heavy blanket and he gave in, closing his eyes, slowly drifting into sleep, his husband still in his arms.


	32. Chapter 32

Alexander’s biggest and dirtiest secret was that he actually loved war. Well, not the killing part and all the blood that was always spilled but the adrenaline it gave him. His army was unbeaten and he was planting terror in his enemies’ hearts everywhere he went. People already started to refer to him as Alexander the Great and he loved that. Even his father didn’t achieve this much. 

But right now he felt tired and homesick as he was lying on his hard, soldier bed in a big tent that was made only for him. Even thought it was really comfortable compared to his soldiers’ tents it still didn’t make him feel any better. It just didn’t smell right. Sure, he wasn’t expecting to smell here flowers but usually the smell of dried blood and sweat was mixing with sweet smell of Hephaistion. But not right now because this time Hephaistion wasn’t there with him. It wasn’t his fault, someone needed to stay in the palace to take care of some important cases and since only Phai had the same rights as Alexander so the choice was pretty obvious but the king would never thought that being away from his lover for less than month would made him so sick. 

Alexander closed his eyes but he knew that he wasn’t going to fall asleep anytime soon. He knew that he should rest some more, his sore muscles were remanding him of that with every move. Usually Hephaistion just massaged the pain out of his body after long and exhausting battles which leaded to very passionate love making but all Alexander could count on right now was his hand. His healer actually advised him to take some of the younger soldiers to relief his needs but the old man quickly shut his mouth when the king glared at him with disapproval. Truthfully there was a time when Alexander would take even a few young boys just for fun but it was before he was married to Hephaistion. Now there was no way that he would sleep with anyone but his husband. 

The only thing that was keeping him sane right now was the thought that in few days the war here will be over. It was already visible that Alexander’s army had no problems with defeating the enemy. And then they will go back home and the king already was thinking about burring himself in the tight heat of Hephaistion’s welcoming body. Alexander was missing him like crazy and he even forgot about the food that was still standing untouched on the table beside his bed. He was too caught up in his thoughts about Hephaistion. 

Alexander turned onto his side, trying to imagine what was his husband doing now. Probably taking a bath or maybe he already did. The king smiled to himself at the sweet memories. Phai was always coming to the bed in his naked glory after bath, waiting for Alexander to cover his beautiful body with oils. King’s hand automatically slipped under the covers and between his tights to where his cock was already getting hard at the imagine of it. Alexander simply loved the long nights they shared, when he was giving his husband a massage and making him a bit drunk with wine and then fucking him into mattress. They were always oversleeping in the mornings but neither of them cared. Their time together was special and Alexander was getting really mad when someone was trying to interrupt them. 

Still, right then even these memories weren’t enough to gave him enough pleasure so he just quickly bring himself off, reliving some tension but feeling grumpy as hell. The bed felt just too big without Hephaistion’s presence and at this moment Alexander would give everything to feel Phai’s cold feet looking for some warmness between his calves. Usually he wasn’t very fond of that but now he was really missing it. And the fact that he didn’t got any letter from his lover for more than four days was making him worry. Usually the letters from Hephaistion was coming every two days but Alexander was trying to convince himself that it was nothing, that Hephaistion was just busy with the amount of work Alexander left for him.

~~~

Days went by, passing like on slow motion and slowly became weeks. The time wasn't flying like Hephaistion wished it would, and he couldn't do anything against the void that filled his chest. Alexander was gone for a long time now and he had the feeling that his husband took his heart with him, only leaving this empty feeling behind. He tried to distract himself with work, doing all the paper work Alexander was normally responsible for but now that they were married, Hephaistion could help him by doing it for him. But even though he had plenty of work to do during the day, he found himself lying wide awake at night, thinking about Alexander and desperately burying his nose in the pillow, trying to catch his lingering scent that was fading away way too fast. Right now was such a moment as well. He worked all day long, holding Olympias at bay who tried to interfere into everything he did, still not accepting him as a king. She probably never would. 

A sigh left Hephaistion's mouth as he turned on his back, staring at the ceiling while he flexed his muscles. His back and shoulders were sore from all the sitting at the desk and the hot bath he took an hour ago couldn't soothe his body. Grumbling, he reached for the cup of wine on his night stand and emptied it in one go, lying back onto the bed, closing his eyes. At least he got a lot of work done today, so he would have some free time to write another letter to Alexander. He smiled at the thought of him and sighed deeply, wondering if the letter which he wrote two days ago already reached him. As he lay there with his eyes closed, he could see Alexander's face in front of him, a smug grin painted on his lips as he read his letter, which was full of cheesy words and confessions. It made Hephaistion laugh a bit, but he couldn't help himself. He simply missed his king and wished the time could pass faster so he would finally be able to close his arms around him again.

~~~

Cassander whistled at the young boy and came off of the shadow of pillar, smiling mischievously while tossing a purse that was clanging loudly in the empty corridor. 

Young boy turned around and sighted in relief at the sight of the man but uncertainty and stings of remorse were still visible on his face. However the sight of the full purse was clearly making him less worried about his choices. 

Cassander smiled even wider as the spark of greed was growing stronger in boy’s eyes. “So I guess you have what I want” he said lightly, coming closer to the boy. “And you are willing for a little transaction, right Klementos?”

The said boy gulped audibly and nodded his head a few times, clutching the letter from Hephaistion’s in his hand like his life depended on it. Actually it kind of did. If someone would realize what he was doing now he would probably lose his head in mere seconds. But still, the amount of money Cassander was offering was allowing him to leave the city and have a nice life. 

“Are you sure it won’t hurt anybody?” Klementos asked shyly, handing the man Hephaistion’s letter.

Cassander rolled his eyes mentally and gave the boy the most sickly sweet smile that he could muster right now. “Don’t worry. I will take care of everything. Just give this letter to Alexander and then you can do whatever you want with this money. You won’t fail me, will you?” 

Klementos shivered when he looked straight into Cassander’s eyes. There was a promise of a very painful death so he nodded quickly, taking the letter and mumbling something incoherently. 

“Good boy. Now go. We don’t have a whole day” Cassander said with a fake joy and watched as the boy quickly run to the doors. This time he was sure that his plan will achieve success. 

~~~

Alexander was dead tired but happiness and adrenaline was keeping the pain at bay and he was simply feeling great. He just defeated another army and made his empire even bigger. Now all that he needed was Hephaistion in his arms. And in less than a day that was going to finally happen.  
Actually the lack of letters from his husband’s were worrying him a bit but he was sure that his mother would inform him if something bad has happened. At least in this case he could count on her. 

“Alexander!” The king turned to see his friend, still covered in blood but with a huge grin on his face, galloping on his stallion after him. The blond man stopped Bucephalus gently, waiting for the man.

“There is a letter for you.” The brunette wiggled his eyes while handing Alexander a letter with a royal seal on it.

“Go away!” Alexander said playfully and quickly opened the letter, reading fast words from his lover. At first he had a huge grin on his face but it was quickly vanishing with every sentence. What he just read was impossible… it for sure must have been some sort of sick joke because he couldn’t imagine Hephaistion leaving him for another after just a month. It wasn’t that much after all.  
But he had it confirmed on a paper. Hephaistion really did left him for another man and it was making Alexander’s blood boil with rage and the need to kill. That man would pay him for taking away his lover and he would pay him with his own head. 

Hephaistion's hands were shaking with anticipation as he tried to tie his robe the best way possible, but he failed miserably, the fabric simply didn't want to stay in place. It made him grin even more until he laughed quietly at himself, at this nervousness that was filling his body from head to toe. It was embarrassing and he would wish for the earth to swallow him up if someone happened to see him like this, but he didn't care because he was alone in his rooms – beaming with happiness because Alexander was finally, 'finally' coming back. He could feel his blood rushing through his veins and his heart beating loudly in his chest, even his skin was tingling and his hands was literally grabby at the thought of his husband. The young man couldn't wait to touch him again, to pull him into a tight embrace and kiss his lips again after all this time. 

As he heard a knocking on his door, Hephaistion turned around and rushed to it, opening it with a swift motion, looking straight at the servant boy who was grinning shyly at him, knowing exactly how Hephaistion felt. In Alexander's absence he grew fond of him as he was serving him abiding and he kind of liked the boy, but he kept a good distance to him, Goran still lingering in the back of his mind, leaving a dull pain in his chest. He shook his head to clear his thoughts and followed the boy who told him that the king arrived only minutes ago and Hephaistion would have jumped out of the window only to get faster downstairs, but he kept a straight face and finally got outside. His eyes immediately searched for Alexander and when he saw how Bucephalus got led away by someone else, Hephaistion's heart started beating even faster. 

He made his way through the soldiers, keeping his eyes open and when he finally saw the familiar face, he couldn't help himself but grin. He closed the distance and reached Alexander who had his back turned on him and snuggled his arms around his waist and placed his chin on the other's shoulder, releasing a relieved sigh as he could finally feel his warmth against his body again.

„Look who has returned... my beloved king.“ Hephaistion didn't care that it was maybe inappropriate to greet him like this, in such an unofficial and brusque way, but he didn't care, happiness, love and relief that his husband got home unharmed were overwhelming him.

Alexander’s heart was feeling heavier with every step that was brining him closer to the palace where Hephaistion was waiting for him. Well, probably not any longer since he was now in the arms of another lover. The king clutched the reins tighter, trying not to think about his husband sharing a bed with another man because it was simply making him sick.

He was silent for the whole ride, thankful that his companions were already too drunk to care about their king’s odd behavior. But that also meant that he was left alone for his thoughts and all of them were about Hephaistion and the time they spent together. He couldn’t help analyzing his every move and every decision. What the hell did he do that Hephaistion so suddenly realized that he actually never wanted him in first place? Maybe that was some kind of revenge for all the mistakes that Alexander did in the past? But he thought that they were over it and since that accident with Leander, the king didn’t do as much as looking at any other man. So why? They really were apart for a long time but their love was always burning with a passion so one month was really enough to extinguish this flame?

His thought were finally interrupted by their coming to the palace. A big crowd was welcoming Alexander and his army with flowers and adoration but the king couldn’t even muster a single smile, his eyes searching the crowd but Hephaistion was nowhere to be find. Maybe it was better but it also felt so final and the last spark of hope inside of him was dying quickly. He just wanted this day to be over and finally be able to hide away in his dorms so Alexander was really glad when he made it to the courtyard.

The king let the stable boy take care of his stallion and he slowly took his dirty cloak off but he quickly stopped in his tracks when he felt familiar arms around his chest. So Hephaistion wanted to torture him a bit more before telling him everything?  
It really took all of king’s willpower to stay calm and for a few seconds he enjoyed the warmness of his husband body for probably the last time before he stepped away. 

“We need to talk in private” he said in a cold voice. 

Hephaistion's content smile faded pretty quickly when Alexander withdrew from his embrace. Hesitating, he took his arms off of him, not knowing were to put his hands, so he simply fold his arms in front of his chest and waited until the blond turned around to face him. And Hephaistion didn't like what he saw in his face. It was a mix of different emotions, he thought to see something like yearning, frustration and anger – totally unreadable and he didn't get why his husband was behaving so cold towards him, at all. Alexander's voice sent an unpleasant shiver down his spine but he did his best to hide the insecurity he felt all of a sudden behind his poker face. He did it, because the soldier who stood behind Alexander quickly went away after looking at their faces and it was clear that it was more than obvious that something was wrong. But Hephaistion really didn't know what it was. He was so happy to have his husband back, he simply couldn't wait for him, but apparently something happened in his absence at Alexander's side. 

„Okay“, is why he said some moments later and turned around to get to the palace. If Alexander wanted to talk in private, Hephaistion gladly would lead the way. He wanted to know what was wrong all of a sudden and he wanted to settle things with him as soon as possible. All the way to their dorms, Hephaistion held his head high but his eyes were averted and he could feel something heavy in his stomach, making him sick. Something told him that this situation wouldn't end for his benefit. He didn't say a word, only listened to Alexander's steps behind him and bit the inner side of his cheeks to keep himself from screaming at him. It was simply impossible for him to bear this cold behavor of his husband. As Hephaistion reached the door, he quietly opened it and stepped aside to let Alexander enter first and closed the door behind them, swallowing thickly. 

„I thought you would be more happy to see me...“, he murmured and looked at him, desperately wanting to crawl into his arms.

Alexander didn’t say a word during the trip to their dorms, watching Hephaistion’s back like he wanted to burn a hole there and see right through his soul. Maybe that would give him answers to the questions that was bugging him since he read that fucking letter. Beside Phai was acting really strange – like nothing has happened. So maybe he already got tired of his new lover and wanted to go back to Alexander?

The king knew, deep in his heart, that even through Phai’s cheating really did hut him he would be still willing to have him back. Alexander loved his husband too much and wasn’t able to live without him. Maybe that was his true weakness but he couldn’t help it. Hephaistion was his whole life and his happiness. 

“I was happy to see you” he said after coming to the dorms. He looked around, looking for something that would confirm that someone else had been there beside him and Hephaistion but everything was just as he remembered. Just his side of bed wasn’t perfectly made but it wasn’t any proof. On the other hand Phai wasn’t stupid to leave any evidence of his new lover, knowing how furious Alexander could be. 

“Until I’ve got your letter” he added and finally looked Hephaistion straight in eyes. “So, who is he?”

Hephaistion was sure that the confusion was clearly written on his face. He leaned his back against the door and intently watched Alexander, observed every single move he made until his eyes found his lover's. He furrowed his eyebrows and shrugged his shoulders a bit, still looking at. What did he mean by 'he'? What the hell was he talking about? Hephaistion tilted his head to one side and sighed inaudible and pushed himself off the door, taking a few steps towards the king. 

„I don't know what you are talking about, Alexander“, he said with a calm voice and reached out for him, gently touching his arm. „What do you mean?“ He put a small smile on his lips, feeling how the desire after his husband got stronger with every passing second in spite of his really strange behavior. „I missed you, Alexander...“

Alexander couldn’t take it anymore. The jealousy hit him hard and he caught Hephaistion’s thighs, lifting him up and kissing hard. If his husband really had some lover then Alexander would make him forget about him. 

“You are mine.” Alexander growled when they finally parted to catch their breaths. He could already feel his lover’s hard erection against his abdomen and it made him really happy that he still had this effect on Hephaistion. “Only mine” he added and tossed Phai on the soft bed.  
Before the other man had a chance to bounce even once on the mattress, Alexander was already on him, tearing his cloths apart to finally have his husband naked. The king could already feel his own cock hardening at the sight of his glorious lover but first his eyes scanned Hephaistion for any love mark but there was nothing to be find. Phai’s skin was perfectly flawless like always and just begging Alexander to mark it with his kisses and hickeys. He didn’t need any other encouragement and his lips quickly found their way to the most sensible spots on his husband’s body, making him moan sweetly. 

“Mine. I will make you forget about anybody else.” The king said in a husky voice as his hands were roaming over Hephaistion’s naked body. He didn’t even care that he was still dirty and covered and in blood. Hephaistion will have to live it down somehow because there was no coming back now, Alexander was too furious from his jealousness and too aroused at the same time to be able to stop now. 

“Where is that fucking oil? “ He asked with impatience in his voice when he finally parted from Phai’s neck which he was marking with his hickeys. 

„Who are you talking about?“ Hephaistion braced himself on his elbows, scrambling back on the bed away from Alexander. His eyes were glued to him and he had the aggravating feeling that something was very wrong here. He wanted to talk about it, to talk about what the hell was wrong with him, but when his lover started to touch him in the right places, he found himself moaning and his body going limp. „Alexander, I am serious.“ 

Hephaistion pushed with both arms against his chest, keeping him at distance and turned his head away, not giving him the slightest chance to ravish him anymore. 

„There is nobody else. What has gotten into you thick head?“ He could feel Alexander's fury and it kind of aroused him, knowing that his husband was, well, jealous and willing to make him „his“, but why, for god's sake?

“Your letter” Alexander responded with a pure jealousness in his eyes. “You wrote that you found someone better than me” he snarled and continued ravishing Hephaistion’s neck. He would kill his opponent later because now he needed to show his husband who was really better.  
The king rolled his eyes when Phai pushed him again, not letting Alexander pleasure him. He really didn’t want to talk about his husband’s lover right now because even thinking about that other man was killing his libido. 

“Do we really need to discuss this right now?” He sighted while taking off his robe. “I need to fuck you right now so you will scream only mine name Hephaistion” he purred, masturbating his lover slowly and watching with satisfaction as Phai was melting under his touches. 

Alexander's words literally made his blood boil in his veins with pure arousal. Hephaistion missed him so much, he craved for him so badly that every second that passed in which he didn't have his husband inside of him was hurting him physically. But: 'what the fuck'.

„Are you sure you received the... fuck, right letter?“, he moaned and tilted his head to give Alexander more room, enjoying that he finally marked him again. He felt naked without his marks and it was time that he branded his own property himself. But seriously, Alexander got the wrong letter as it seemed, there wasn't anyone better for him, no one that could touch his heart or light his body on fire the way his husband did. He fell for him, hard, and was sure that this would never change. So, no other was worth his attention. 

„I didn't wrote that“, he started, slowly thrusting his hips upwards because Alexander's hand on his dick was simply 'too good', „I wrote... that I fucking missed you... and I told you about the things... I wanted you to do to me as soon as we would...rejoin.“ Hephaistion lifted his gaze and looked straight into Alexander's eyes, seeing the mingled emotions in them, before he dropped it again and let his eyes roam over Alexander's body, a hungry expression lying in them.

The king took his hand off of Hephaistion’s cock and tear the last part of his cloths, finally freeing his own hard manhood. He sighted with relief and looked closed at his husband who was now a very sexy mess. 

“But it was your handwriting. And the royal seal” he said slowly. He couldn’t tell if Hephaistion was really telling the truth but on the other hand why he shouldn’t trust him? Phai never let him down and he had no reason to not trust him. “So who and why would do that?” He asked, burrowing his eyebrows in confusion but Hephaistion moan quickly made these thought fly through the window because he had now more urgent things to do than finding some fucker. 

“Fuck, Phai. I need to fuck right now.” Alexander leaned down and kissed his lover hard and demanding before straightening his back and finally finding the jar with oil. 

Hephaistion couldn't take it anymore. „Later“, he gasped, before he reached for Alexander's neck and pulled him down, kissing him deep before he smirked at him. „Now fuck me like I begged you to do in my letter.“ The real one, obviously. But for now, the young king didn't want to think about it anymore, they would talk about this later after he finally got his husband fully back again. 

He turned around, getting on all fours and bit down on his lips as he could hear the sounds Alexander was making while lubricating his cock. It made Hephaistion swallow, he could hardly wait to feel him claiming his body again, so he lowered his upper body and wiggled his ass while playfully looking over his shoulders into Alexander's face, clearly not being able to wait any longer. He adjured that his husband could read it in his face and would hurry up, because otherwise Hephaistion would lose his mind – not in the nice way. „Fuck me. Now.“

Alexander nearly came at the sight of Hephaistion, showing himself to the king like this. This man would for sure be his end but right now he was enjoying every minute of this little show and he nearly broke the jar in his haste to open it as quickly as possible.

“Fuck. I need to know what you wrote in that letter Phai. Every fucking word telling me how much you want me to fuck you.” Alexander quickly lubricated his cock, getting some relief but it still wasn’t enough. 

For a moment he thought about preparing his lover since it was almost a month since the last time their shared intimate moment but the look in Phai’s eyes told him that it would be a very bad move. “Finally” he murmured while slowly pushing his cock into tight heat of Hephaistion’s body. “Fuck!” A scream left his mouth because it felt so damn good. He really didn’t know how much he missed Hephaistion until now when he was finally making love the man that was his whole world. 

 

„Oh god, yes.“ Hephaistion leaned his forehead on his arms and bit down on his lips, feeling how Alexander's cock slowly made him feel deliciously full and stretched. Even if he wanted to, which he didn't want to because Alexander's ego really didn't need any more affirmation, he couldn't put into words what he felt right now. It was amazing and when he could finally feel Alexander's hips against his ass, he let out a tremulous breath he didn't know he was holding. It was nearly too much for him to handle, but it was more important for him to finally have his husband back again and to love him than to balk himself with a little pain. 

„You dirty little shit“, he grinned after he got used to Alexander inside him, burying his fingers into the sheets as he pushed himself up so he could kneel in front of his husband again. It made him chuckle slightly because he knew exactly how curious Alexander could get and not knowing what Hephaistion originally wrote to him must have been a real pain in the ass. But he didn't deserve Hephaistion to talk that dirty on him, at least not yet, so the blue eyed man only snapped his ass backwards at Alexander, moaning shamelessly as he hit his prostate. 

„Now move“, he groaned and looked back at him, a cocky grin on his lips, „or do you want me to get bored?“ 'And really search for someone else' Hephaistion wanted to add only to spice things up between them, but he knew that it would have been too much. Still, that thought made him grin even more.

Alexander growled when Hephaistion started to get bossy, the little shit he was, always thinking that he had upper hand in everything. But the king couldn’t deny that it was also so damn sexy. 

“So you want to play like this…” Alexander grinned and started to move his hips hard and fast, hitting Phai’s prostate every time to show him what a good sex feel like. Even if his husband really didn’t have any lover, the king wanted to show him that there would be never anyone better than him. 

“You are only mine” he growled into his ear and bit hard his neck, leaving another mark for everyone to see. “And I will kill anyone who will ever try to touch you” he added, puncturing his every word with hard thrusts. He was still mad with jealousy and it was making him even more brutal but still, he observed his lover closely for any signs of pain. Although from what he could tell Hephaistion was really enjoying himself. 

„Only – fuck! Yours...“ Hephaistion had no idea who the fuck would send such a letter to Alexander, in his fucking hand writing with the royal seal and he would definitely find out who it was because let's be honest, he wouldn't allow anyone to try and ruin his relationship with Alexander – and it was obvious that someone tried to do exactly this. But now, he had more important things to do, like concentrating on his husband's cock penetrating him in the right way, that he could already feel the orgasm building in his body. It was kind of embarrassing, coming like a teenage boy only after a few minutes, but he couldn't help himself. He missed his husband and it made him go mad these last few days without him being near him that he simply gave in to the pleasure Alexander was giving him and it was just too good'. 

„Alex...ander“, Hephaistion moaned and moved against his king's thrusts, allowing him to enter him deeper and making himself moan in pleasure. „I think, I am –“ But before he could finish his sentence, he was coming hard, thrusting into his own hand which he slipped down only mere seconds ago and as soon as he touched his throbbing manhood, he was done. Literally.

Alexander panted hard, thrusting into Hephaistion without any finesse at all, just seeking for his own pleasure. He didn’t even want to make their sex last longer especially after seeing Hephaistion’s climax which was sexy as fuck and made Alexander came mere seconds after his lover. It was amazing after such a long time and the king couldn’t even think straight so he just collapsed on the bed with Hephaistion, still keeping him in his arms. 

“I love you” he murmured into Phai’s ear and rolled onto his side, still breathing heavily. Well, his own imagination was nothing comparing to having his lover under him, so hot and willing. And it was really good to know that he had someone to who he could return. It made him warm inside and he snuggled his arm around Hephaistion’s waist, wanting to keep him as close as possible.  
“And I missed you so fucking much” he added, touching Hephaistion’s back with tips of his fingers. 

„Don't you dare to ever leave me alone again.“ Hephaistion grinned weakly into the pillow, while he tried to catch his breath and enjoyed the feeling of finally being able to lie beside his husband again. He couldn't find the words to describe how happy he was to have him back so he just sighed at the feeling of his hand on his own back and could feel himself shudder slightly. It even nearly made him purr but he could contain himself in the last second so he propped his chin on his hand instead, looking at Alexander after his heart started to beat normally in his chest again. 

„I still can't stop wondering who might have sent you that letter...“, he pondered and sighed. No matter how amazing it was to have Alexander back, they really had to figure out who the hell did something like that. Hephaistion couldn't accept that someone faked his identity and made the king mad with a letter he himself never had sent. „Do you have an idea of who it might have been?“

The king knew that they needed to bring this topic up but right now he was still enjoying his afterglow and couldn’t think about anyone else beside Hephaistion. Still, the concern in his lover’s voice made him a bit more sober. 

“I have no idea… there might be a lot of people who would like to see us apart. Even my mother” he said with a heavy sight. Although he was sure that as long as he was fulfilling her wishes at least partially she wouldn’t interfere in their life too much. 

“But for sure it was someone who had access to our room or could make copy of your ring.” That also wasn’t giving him any hint since some servant could be simply used to take that ring and make a copy of it. “Some really thought that through….” 

Hephaistion kept looking at his husband for a few more seconds before he slumped back onto the bed and hid his face again, letting out a discontent groan. What a wretched situation. All he wanted was to have a nice reunion with his husband and after it nearly got ruined because of a misunderstanding he still had to deal with this issue. But he really had to idea who would want to get rid of him and his mind was way too blown to think about it now.

„Why can't they just leave us in peace“, Hephaistion muttered and rolled onto his back, staring at the ceiling, lying fully uncovered in his naked glory on the crumpled bed. But he was too hot now to bother, so he just closed his eyes and tried to forget about the current situation, rather concentrating on the heat that was radiating from Alexander next to him.

“They want the power we have.” Alexander sighted, patting gently Hephaistion’s stomach. “But they won’t have it” he said with in a cold voice but his lover’s soft, pleased sight quickly made him forget about the situation he would have to take care of in the morning. Beside how could he even think about it when he had a naked Hephaistion in his bed?

“I will never let anything torn us apart” he murmured softly and kissed his husband passionately. Alexander really missed their post sex intimate moments when no one would interrupt them and even though he was a soldier he knew that he needed some soft moments with his husband to keep himself sane. 

„But it nearly did“, Hephaistion murmured after they parted again, looking Alexander in the eyes. „It wasn't very nice of you to behave that cold towards me... don't you have any faith in me?“ He pouted and slightly turned his head away, observing his husband through the corner of his eye. It truly did hurt him that Alexander really thought he would leave him for another, even after all these things they went through. He slowly blinked and peeped shortly into Alexander's face before he closed his eyes and sighed.

„You really are a moron for not trusting me...“ After a second of silence, Hephaistion gripped the other by his shoulders and pushed him into the mattress before rolling himself on top of him, the pout still playing around his lips but he already had to bite back a small grin. After all, he knew that Alexander loved him and he loved him too, so much, but a small part inside of him couldn't help but feeling hurt. „And here I thought you loved me...“, he murmured and looked down into brown eyes, wanting to lose himself in them.

Alexander sighted, fully knowing that he made a mistake by judging the situation too fast but he couldn’t help it. The thought of loosing Hephaistion was breaking his heart and it made him unable to think rationally. 

“I’m sorry.” Alexander looked into Hephaistion’s beautiful eyes and caressed his cheek with his thumb, wanting to make all the worry go away from his face. “I love you more than anything. You know that. That’s why that message broke me so much. I just can’t imagine my life without you in it.” Alexander closed his eyes for a moment, trying to get rid of these sullen thoughts. After all Hephaistion was still here, with him and no one has touched him when the king was away which made Alexander’s possessive side feel a lot better. 

“And I am trusting you… but thinking about you with other man…” Alexander growled low in his chest, tightening his grip on Hephaistion’s hip. “You are mine. My husband and my king and I would kill anybody who will dare to touch you.”

„You don't need to think about me with another man.“ Hephaistion smiled and leaned into Alexander's touch, closing his eyes and enjoying this moment of intimacy. He missed it way too much to let of it too soon now so he simply tried to mute the annoying voice in the back of his head, telling him that Alexander still didn't trust him enough. So instead of listening to it, he started to caress Alexander's neck with his fingertips, his eyes never leaving the other's because he had to make sure that his husband really believed in him and trusted him. 

„I don't want anyone else, Alexander. You are the only one that ever warmed my heart and I wanted you for so many years now that only 'thinking' about somebody else feels odd. You have to trust me on this, otherwise it... won't work.“ One of Hephaistion's hands found their way to Alexander's face and cupped his cheek before he leaned down and kissed him, pouring all his love into this little touch of their lips. It made his heart ache in pain that Alexander worried about such things but apparently he couldn't do anything about it and that thought really hurt. „I wish I could make you forget about your worries but I don't think I'm able to...“

Alexander purred when Hephaistion kissed him and his arms automatically snuggled around his lover’s waist, bringing him closer. “I know that Hephaistion but I was tired and missed you and I acted without thinking” he murmured, squeezing Phai’s ass with a pleased smile on his face. It was really a miracle that he survived for so long without his husband. 

“You are the only one I trust Hephaistion.” Alexander looked into his lover’s eyes, trying to show him that he wasn’t lying. Phai was the only one person who never let him down and who really cared about him. that’s why he was so afraid of losing him. 

“Maybe we should talk about this in the morning? I want to know what you were doing here. Did my mother interrupted you?” The king sighted seeing Phai biting on his lover lip which always mean that he was trying to find a way not to worry his husband. 

Hephaistion couldn't stop himself, he had to laugh. He shook his head and looked at Alexander, before he kissed him once again and let himself fall back on the mattress. „So we will talk about an important issue in the morning, once again...“ This would never change as it seems. Alexander was truly incorrigible. But Hephaistion loved even this trait of him even though it annoyed him quite a bit. After all, they couldn't push their problems away for too long... they wouldn't fade. 

Hephaistion cleared his throat and thought about the last few weeks and shook his head once again, smiling reassuringly at his husband. „No, to be honest, she only showed her face here two or three times... I don't know how I managed to do it, but apparently she thought that I was capable of solving some issues all by myself.“ He smiled and hid his face at the thought of what he was actually doing all the time when he wasn't working and he was glad that Alexander didn't know it, since it was quite embarrassing how much Hephaistion missed him, writing him long ass letters all day long... Somehow he was really relieved that he didn't receive his last, true letter, full of cheesy promises and he was really glad that he didn't make it to send the last one because then he would've died out of embarrassment, he was sure of that. Just thinking about what he wrote in his drunken state nearly made him blush. 

„But what's more important“, he started, as if to get rid of his own thoughts, „did you solve everything? Are you alright?“ Hephaistion lifted his head and examined his husband, still all dirty and covered in blood and grinning wrinkled his nose at the sight of that.

The king smiled a bit, happy that his mother wasn’t bugging Hephaistion too much. He was really afraid that the two of them would make a mess here or that Olympias would make a living hell here for his husband since it wasn’t a secret that she wasn’t approving their marriage. 

“Yes. We won pretty easily” he answered and followed Hephaistion’s sight. “I guess I should take a bath, huh?” Alexander smiled and looked down at himself and sighted. He was really dirty and he didn’t smell like flowers at all. Hephaistion really did miss him if he let him near bed in that state. But it was so nice to lay in bed with Phai on top of him, warming his sore muscles. “Or maybe we can wait with that to the morning too?” He asked with a hope in his voice but he knew that Phai wouldn’t let it go easily.

„I am glad to hear that“, Hephaistion murmured as he traced some invisible lines on Alexander's chest with his fingertips. He was happy to have him back, but a part of him was determined to find another solution for the next time than to leave him behind in the palace. He wouldn't allow to let that happen again, even if Alexander said it wasn't a big deal, Hephaistion still was worried for him. And he promised himself to defend his husband with his own life. But that was an issue for another time, now he had him back, his hot skin against his own and that was all the young king needed. After a small sigh, he shook his head and got up, stretching his muscles.

„No way you will fall asleep like that. I know you are tired, but you need to move yourself now, I will prepare a bath for you.“ Hephaistion turned around and winked before he made his way to the door, turning around in front of the door. „Maybe I will make it up to you.“

Alexander groaned painfully when his worst concerns came true. He should have known better than to naively believe that Hephaistion would maybe let it go this time. It was Phai after all and bed was a saint place for him. The king knew that he should concern himself lucky that Hephaistion had sex with him when he was in a state like this. 

“Do I really need to?” He looked at Hephaistion with the best puppy eyes he could muster but when he heard his lover’s next words, he immediately forgot about his tiredness once again. 

“I think I need to” he said while getting out of the bed quickly. A bath with his husband was a really nice perspective and nothing would stop him right now. The king didn’t even care that Hephaistion laughed at his sudden eagerness.


	33. Chapter 33

It didn't take Hephaistion long to prepare the bath, so after he nearly shoved Alexander into the hot water, he called for a servant to take care of the bed, after he messily dressed himself. Standing by the door, impatiently tapping with his foot on the ground, he waited for the boy to get finished, closing the door behind him and locking it. He shot a glance at the freshly made bed, sighing pleased because he knew that he would sleep very good tonight and hummed happily, before he made his way back to his husband again. 

„I am sorry that I made you wait for so long“, he started while he quickly undressed himself after he stared for a few seconds at the king, who was pouring water over himself, which made him swallow because he didn't have the time to look at him properly until now, and joined him, slipping his spent body into the deliciously warm water. 

„But I had to take care of the bed first... after all it's your fault that it was ruined like that.“ He grinned at Alexander and took the washcloth out of his hands because he carefully started to wash his back while he kissed his neck. „Even though it's nice to know that you were so hungry for me“, he chuckled and bit down on his skin.

The king purred feeling the pressure of Hephaistion’s teeth on his skin. His husband knew perfectly well what to do to make him crazy and after such a long separation it wasn’t very hard to get him high. 

“It’s not like you were complaining” he purred, letting Hephaistion wash his tired and bruised body. He wasn’t used to letting others take care of him but with his lover it was a different story and it felt really good when Phai was touching him so gently. After a moth of roughness it was a really nice change. 

“In fact you were really enjoying it” Alexander turned around and gave his husband a predatory look while snuggling his arms around his waist. “But who can blame you. It was really too long” he murmured and leaned closer, capturing Hephaistion’s mouth and kissing him roughly.

„Of course I wasn't complaining“, Hephaistion panted as he broke the kiss after he let Alexander ravish his mouth in such a good way that he could feel the lust starting to build in the lower parts of his body again. „After all, my wish came true... since I was praying to the gods to finally bring you back to me.“ He looked at his husband and gave him a dirty grin, roaming his hands over his back while slowly but steady going south with them. 

„Because I literally couldn't wait for you to finally fill me up again. I was starving for you...“ As he grabbed Alexander's ass, he looked him into the eyes before he licked into the other's mouth again, kissing him passionately and deep. „And I can tell that you enjoyed yourself how much I enjoyed getting fucked by you, didn't you?“

“Of course I enjoyed it. There is nothing as good as fucking you. Especially after craving for it for so long” Alexander smiled mischievously and rolled his hips against Hephaistion’s. A pleased purr escaped his mouth as he felt that his husband’s cock was already half hard. 

“And I missed you every night my love.” Alexander looked into Hephaistion’s eyes and kissed him once again, more gently this time. He could felt that Phai trembled a little in his arms and he knew that his husband missed him just as much. It was good to know but he would have preferred to have Hephaistion by his side during battles and share the bed with him during these long, silent nights. 

“And I was thinking about you all the time” he murmured as he started to kiss his lover’s neck, biting the sensitive spots on it.  
Hephaistion leaned his head back to give his husband more room, quietly moaning when he found the right spots on his skin. „I missed you, too“, he murmured and pinned Alexander against the brink of the bath with his own hips, slowly starting to rut in small circles against him, making his own breath come a bit harder. 

„I even thought about you while I did this huge amount of paper work you left behind and nearly made some mistakes...“ Hephaistion sighed playfully and made a hickey right under Alexander's ear, moving his hands down his hips until he reached for Alexander's cock, slowly strocking it. „But fortunately you married someone who is able to contain himself... and able not to think with his lower brain if he doesn't want to... am I right?“  
Alexander nodded his head, already thinking with his lower brain and not even feeling bad about this because Hephaistion knew how he was making him feel and he was now using it against Alexander. The king was sure about it but he didn’t mind it at all.

“That’s good. You are so good in everything you do Phai” he said in a husky voice, taking both their cocks in his hand. “I knew that you would manage   
to do everything.” Alexander kissed his husband and started to move his hand, making his lover moan sweetly into his mouth. 

“I need to claim you again.” Alexander looked at Hephaistion with eyes dark from lust. “Everyone needs to know that nothing will tear us apart, am I   
right my love?”

A playful grin formed on Hephaistion's lips as he realized that Alexander's brain wasn't functioning – again. This horny little shithead couldn't get enough of him and Hephaistion loved that so much and couldn't get enough of it. „I know I am good... anything I touch turns into gold, we both know that.“ He bit down on Alexander's lip and thrusted into his hand, already thinking about a plan how to make him go mad. And when Alexander moaned with pleasure as he bit down on his neck once again, he came up with something. Grinning viciously, he parted from his husband and looked him in the eyes, tenderly stroking his cheek. 

„I am so good, that I even accomplished my mission to get you clean again.“ His grin grew wider as he took a step back from his husband, biting on the inner side of his cheeks to oppress his grin but it was of no use. „Now you can go to sleep because I am sure that you are tired, my king.“ Hephaistion turned around and straightened his own hair, getting out of the bath with the burning feeling of Alexander's eyes on him. „I have to take care of some things, my love, so I suggest for you to rest now.“

“What?” Was all Alexander could manage to say at that moment. How was it possible that Hephaistion suddenly lost interest in their making out? He was hard, Alexander knew that, so what was the problem? Beside even the way he was swaying his hips right now… like he wanted to make his lover burn with desire even more. Little shit. He was toying with him.

“I am not tired!” The king protested quickly and caught Hephaistion’s hips before the man had a chance to get out of the bath. There was no way that he would let go of him right now. Not when his hot husband was so close and when he was lusting after him for so long. 

“You are not going anywhere” he murmured in a husky voice into his lover’s ear and rutted himself against Phai’s perfect, round ass, making his own dick twitch with pleasure. “I am going to fuck you so good know that everyone will hear your screams.”

Hephaistion hid his pleased grin behind his hair which was falling in front of his face so Alexander couldn't see his victory. But it still didn't go the way he planned it. „You are tired“, he contradicted and pushed his ass back against Alexander's groin, letting out a small chuckle at his moan.  
„That's why I wanted to give you a long and good massage... I can practically see your sore muscles...“ He batted his eyelashes at him as he turned his head to look at his husband, before he pouted. „But I guess you don't want me to make you feel good, huh? I guess it doesn't work with your big, big ego...“ Hephaistion sighed despite his grin and reached behind him to bury his fingers in Alexander's blond mane, baring his own neck. 

„Even though it disappoints me“, he said quietly, leaning over a small bit, „I still can't deny that I want you so badly.“

Alexander bit down on Hephaistion’s shoulder, wondering what to do. He was already so hard it was painful and having his husband in his arms wasn’t making things any better. The desire toward his lover was growing strong with every small move of Phai’s ass against his groin that was making him feel amazing but it was still not enough. Although he knew that he shouldn’t just think of himself. He knew better than this.

“Okay. Then we shall go to bed” he murmured, kissing Phai’s neck and making more hickeys. It was hard to pull away from his lover but after one more kiss he finally let him go and get out of the bathtub, wiping quickly his body with a soft towel and trying hard not to touch his hard manhood that was already begging for some attention. 

Hephaistion couldn't help but feel flabbergasted the first seconds after Alexander got out of the water. He literally stood there, his hands clamping around the brink of the bath, and stared holes into the air. Then, he slowly turned his head after Alexander and stared some more at the door which his husband passed only mere seconds ago. Blinking a few times, Hephaistion tried to recall a time where Alexander actually 'gave in' to his suggestions or wishes. There never was such a time, he never did. 

Frowning, he got out of the water himself and grabbed a towel, his errection already fading a bit due to his confusion. He dried his damp hair with another towel as he entered the bedroom, looking at Alexander who was already lying in bed.

„Who are you?“, he asked, still rubbing at his head. „And where did you bury my husband?“ A small smile played along his lips, as Hephaistion sat down on the edge of the bed, softly caressing Alexander's calf. „Should I be worried?“

Alexander raised an eyebrow at his husband, looking at him with confusion in his eyes. Didn’t Hephaistion said that he wanted him? So he was backing up right now?

“You said that you wanted me.” Alexander looked at his husband closely and snuggled his arm around his waist, brining the older male closer. “Or did you change your mind and now you want me fuck you again?” A predatory grin appeared on his face as he smoothly turned them around so Hephaistion was lying under him once again which was making the king even more hard at the sight of Phai’s naked body. 

“You should just have say that you didn’t have enough of my last time” he murmured, already kissing and licking Phai’s neck while rutting slowly against him. He could feel that his husband’s erection faded a bit and it really made him confused. What could have changed in just few minutes? 

„I always want you.“ Hephaistion smiled at his husband and pulled him closer while placing his hand in the other's neck, tenderly biting his lower lip. Of course he wanted Alexander, he wanted him all the time. If he could decide that, he wouldn't ever part with him and immediately glue his body to the king. But unfortunately it wasn't in his hands so he had to play with what he got. 

„But I was literally shoving my ass at you and you didn't take me... what's wrong?“ Hephaistion lifted one of his hands and stroke his fingers through Alexander's hair, then down to his neck and over his collarbone, until he let it drop back onto the mattress, before he spread his legs a bit more, still smiling and looking up to meet Alexander's eyes. „Me not having enough of you? Just look at who's begging here to have me...“

“But you said that you want me. I should grand your wishes my king” Alexander smiled playfully but he quickly forgot how to think once again when Hephaistion spread his legs for him. It made his brain melt and he moaned, the desire clearly visible in his eyes as he was mirroring Phai’s body. 

“You are so damn sexy. How did I survive without you?” The king’s voice was a mere whisper but his hands were already roaming over Phai’s gorgeous body. “I need you so much” he panted and quickly took the jar with oil into his hand, opening it with haste movements and not caring at all that he was spilling half of the content onto Hephaistion’s thighs. He just needed his husband and he needed him now.

Alexander's haste made Hephaistion chuckle and he lifted his legs to give his husband more room and a better view on his ass, which he knew made him go mad. „I wanted to make you feel good“, he whispered and reached between his own legs, closing his fingers around Alexander's shaft and slowly strocking him while he guided him to his hole, slightly shaking with anticipation. „But I know you can't stand that, so it's okay.“ Hephaistion threw his head back as Alexander entered him in one go until he could feel his hips against his ass and moaned shamelessly, feeling how a slight blush was creeping up his neck, but he couldn't help himself: he was greedy and he couldn't deny it. Alexander was all he wanted, no matter how. In fact, he was the only thing that truly mattered. He slowly began to move against his husband with circling his hips, but it soon wasn't enough, so he grabbed Alexander's ass with both of his hands, pulling him closer, before one of them slipped to his own cock, giving himself some friction as well. 

„Make me forget how long I had to live without you.“

“Hephaistion!” Alexander moaned loudly into his lover’s neck when he was fully inside of him. Even though they did it so many times it always felt like first time and it made Alexander’s head spin in the best way possible. “Damn…” He panted and stared to move, knowing that Hephaistion wasn’t in the mood to take it slowly. They both needed each other too much to take it softly now.

“I love it Phai” he murmured when he finally was able to speak again. How could his husband even think otherwise? Didn’t Alexander already prove him that they were equal? “I love everything you are giving to me.” The king smiled and kissed his lover roughly, hitting hard his prostate and making him moan loudly. “And I want everything you want to give me.” Alexander bit down on Phai’s neck and started to move his hips hard, making the bed hit the wall behind it. It made him chuckle a bit but when Hephaistion clenched on him, the king nearly forgot how to breath because it felt so damn good. 

„Now I am giving myself to you. So shut up and fuck me.“ Hephaistion pulled him closer once again and closed his mouth by capturing his lips, kissing him hard and demanding just like he wanted Alexander to take him. The last thing he wanted now, was to talk about anything that hadn't got to do with Alexander fucking his brain out. It would kill his libido faster than he would be able to spell it, Hephaistion was sure of that, so he hoped that his husband would let go of it, otherwise it wouldn't get very cozy. 

The other didn't have to know how he truly felt about everything and it was okay how it was, Hephaistion could work with that, and besides that, he was happy to have him back so he shouldn't even 'think' about his issues. The only thing he 'should' do, was to enjoy his husband. His warmth, his nearness, his everything. So he simply closed his eyes and clutched tighter onto him, working against his thrusts the best way possible, out from his position and moaned, whenever Alexander happened to move the right way and hit his prostate, after whispering a faint 'I love you' into his husband's neck.

“Needy bastard” Alexander smiled mischievously and kissed his husband hard and demanding, moving his hip just like Hephaistion wanted him to. He would do everything for his lover so that’s why he was slamming hard into him, hitting his prostate and making him lose his mind even though he could sense that something was wrong. Alexander was aware that there were things that Hephaistion was not telling him just to not make the king worry. It sometimes hurt him but it was hard to get something out of his husband so for now he decided to let it go and concentrate on making his Phai feel even better and to hear him scream his name even louder. 

“Fuck… I love that” he panted into his lover’s mouth when Hephaistion binged him closer, making their bodies move against each other.   
Hephaistion simply couldn't take it anymore. Alexander's nearness, his warmth and touches, the fact that he was here with him and loved him, all this together was too much for him. So when he slipped his hand down between their bodies to touch his own cock, he came so hard he arched his back and threw his head back, moaning his husband's name so loud he was sure the whole palace was able to hear him. But he couldn't care less. He held his eyes closed, and clenched around the other's cock, feeling how Alexander's thrust grew more erratic with every passing second. 

Hephaistion pushed against his chest and ignored his confused look as he slid out of Hephaistion's body, before he got a firm grip around Alexander's manhood, after he pushed him until he lay down on his back, while he licked into his mouth. 

„I want“, he panted as he started to work his hand up and down his husband's cock, „to taste you.“ After a last small tug on Alexander's lower lip, Hephaistion slid down his body until he got comfortable between his legs, and masturbated him hard and fast, constantly looking into his husband's eyes. He didn't avert his gaze as he opened his mouth and pressed his tongue against the head of his cock, his mouth already watering from the anticipation of tasting his lover's lust.

“Damn!” Alexander moaned when he felt how Hephaistion tightened around him, fully knowing that his lover just came on his cock alone. That nearly made the king came himself but suddenly Hephaistion pushed him away just when Alexander was mere seconds from his own orgasm. It made him really confused since his husband always did everything to make him come. Did he do something wrong this time and it was his punishment? But before he could ask, he found himself laying on his back with Hephaistion between his legs, working hard on his manhood. 

“Gods…” He moaned, looking with awe in his eyes at his young lover. How could be so lucky to have such a wonderful man by his side? And the things he was saying. It send Alexander right off the edge and he came hard into his husband’s open mouth. 

“Phai…” he was barely able to keep his head up to look at the older man who was now licking his lips with pleased smile. It was one of the most hot sighs Alexander had ever seen and he had a lot of lovers before Hephaistion. But none of them was in Phai’s league. 

“I love you so fucking much” He panted and collapsed on the bed like a cut tree. It was just too much for one night and he still didn’t rest enough. But it was really good to be welcomed like that. It was making him so happy that he couldn’t even describe it. 

Hephaistion couldn't hide his grin as he licked his lover's cock clean after he swallowed his come, enjoying the fact that he made him come again. He bit his lip and crawled on top of him, gently lowering his body down until he could feel his warmth against his own skin again.

„Do you love me because I am able to get you off so many times?“, he asked and kissed Alexander on the lips, before he inhaled his scent by hiding his nose in his husband's neck. He looked down on him and smiled when he got aware of the tiredness on his face and chuckled with a content expression on his face.

„Sleep now, my king“, he grinned and rolled next to him, tugging Alexander's head under his chin after he wrapped his arms tightly around his body, feeling happy and completely satisfied. He was so relaxed that he forgot about everything else, even the issues he and Alexander had to take care of the next day. But for now, he was happy with having his husband in his arms. Exhaling deeply, Hephaistion closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling of Alexander's heartbeat against his own.

~~~

Cassander was having a hard time to keep his poker face in check. This was completely opposite of what he wanted to achieve. He was sure that Alexander’s temper, when properly inflamed, would destroy his marriage. Cassander really worked hard on the fake letter and there was no chance in hell that something would go wrong. But actually something did go wrong and now he was forced to look at king’s happiness as he was trying hard to be discreet about his actions. Like anyone in the room would be so stupid to not notice that Alexander was touching Hephaistion’s legs under the table. Not that the latter had something against it while he was sitting as close to his husband as possible. 

This lovey dovey couple was making Cassander sick and the fact that he needed to sit here and play a good general when all he wanted was to see Alexander’s dead body, was only making him want to scream. He needed a new plan, a better one but he had no idea beside poisoning them both and that wasn’t a good choice since all the power would went to Olympias. And that witch would know who killed her son.

“Cassander? Cassander!” The man looked up, hearing his name and realized that he was daydreaming while Alexander was saying something to him.

“I am deeply sorry my king, I wasn’t listening for a minute.” He said, smiling a bit to hide how hard it was for him to speak to Alexander in that manner. 

“Maybe we are sitting here for too long” the blonde man sighted and petted his husband’s thigh. “What do you think Hephaistion?”

Only feeling Cassander's attendance made Hephaistion's blood boil with rage and disgust. He quietly observed the general and snorted when he noticed the way he was looking at Alexander. Cassander thought that his poker face was perfect, but Hephaistion knew it better. He could read every single sign on his face, every twitch of his muscles and when he saw his forced smile, he wanted to reach over and stab that bastard in the face.   
The young king recalled the moments he made him feel like shit very well and his words were still lingering in the back of his head. But now he was the one with the last word and he would make him pay. Something in his behavior made Hephaistion's insides cringe, as if he was hiding something, but Alexander took his attention away from the general and when he turned around to face his husband, Hephaistion smiled and touched his thigh, slowly caressing it. „I think a little break would do us all good.“

Alexander nodded and told his men that they can go and take a little break but while he was pretending to be busy with his husband, he was watching Cassander discreetly. The king was sure that the general was more relieved than he should be as if something was making him really uneasy. It actually wasn’t such a big surprise given their not so good relationships in the past but there was clearly something off about him.

“Did you noticed Cassander’s behavior?” Alexander kissed Hephaistion’s neck and lifted him so his husband quickly found himself on king’s knees. “I can see that he is up to something” he added and kissed his husband hungrily while caressing softly his sides. Nothing now was able to keep his hands to himself after such a long separation and even Cassader’s snake face wasn’t cooling him down when Hephaistion was near him.  
Hephaistion buried his fingers in Alexander's hair as soon as he sat down on top of him and looked him in the eyes, before he closed them and kissed him back, lazily licking his way into his mouth. As soon as he felt his lover's tongue against his own, he sighed and deepened the kiss, tenderly caressing the back of Alexander's head. What a needy husband he had, never being able to keep his hands to himself but Hephaistion couldn't deny that he really liked to feel how much the king actually loved him and that he wanted to have him close to himself. 

With a last peck on his lips, Hephaistion withdrew himself, his hands still attached to him and while he looked Alexander in the eyes, thinking about his words. Yeah, something was odd about Cassander and Hephaistion was determined to find out what it was. He only had to think about a way how he should start his mission. 

„I somehow have the feeling that he is the one we are looking for... But don't you worry, I already have an idea.“ With that, Hephaistion slipped off of   
Alexander and kissed him one last time, before he headed out, turning into the direction of the sleeping dorms after he made sure that Cassander was busy with all the other genereals, sitting outside. 

~~~

Hephaistion closed the door to Cassander's room behind his back without causing a single sound and let his eyes roam around the furniture, trying to find any clue that would lead to the general's weird behavior, but at the first sight, he couldn't find anything. 

That's why he entered the room fully and found his way to Cassander's desk, where lots of papers were spread on the surface, but they were only documents that weren't of any higher interest for him. Hephaistion already turned away to look on the chest for some suspect signs, when his eyes caught a piece of paper that seemed to be pretty familiar to him. He reached for it and when his eyes checked what was written on the piece of parchment – and of course he recognized his own words – he gasped. That was his letter. The letter he sent to Alexander before he didn't get any response.

~~~

Alexander raised a brow when he saw his husband walking in the direction of west wing of the palace. He was never even in the nearby of it since he moved in with the king and Alexander was sure that he didn’t miss general’s dorms so there was only one reason why his stubborn lover was trying to sneak in there. 

Cassander. 

Oh, Alexander could saw wheels turning in Hephaistion’s head and he was sure that his handsome husband was trying to solve their problem as fast as possible and without mixing Alexander in it. But there was no way that he would let him do this alone. They were a team and the king needed to admit that it was so sexy when Phai was really into something. 

Without a second doubt he quietly followed the older man and smiled to himself when Hephaistion came into Cassander’s room. Phai was really amazing sometimes. 

Alexander looked around but he knew that all of the general were at the feast, too drunk to even think about coming to their dorms. Beside he was the king so he actually could wander freely anywhere in the palace. 

“Who would have thought that you are such a bad bad boy Hephaistion.” Alexander purred when he came into the room, observing his husband who had his back to him, clearly searching through Cassander’s belongings. He was really absorbed since he nearly jumped when Alexander spoke, making the king smile even more.

Hephaistion flinched when he heard a deep voice behind him and his heart started pounding madly in his chest, but he let out a deep sigh as he recognized who entered the room behind him. He closed his eyes for a second, before he kept staring at the letter in his hands for a few minutes, considering to not show his husband the letter. 

But Hephaistion thought that through and turned around, the parchment still in his hands as he leaned against the table, crossing his arms in front of his chest and fanning himself with the letter. A smug smile krept on his face as he looked at Alexander.

„I knew it.“ He cocked his head and looked out of the window for a few seconds, before his eyes fixed the king again. „I knew that you couldn't trust me and would come after me. It's always the same.“ His grin gew wider when he stretched out his arm and handed the letter to Alexander. „I have to admit that I am disappointed, but I was right. Cassander seems to be the one we are looking for. Look what I just found.“

Alexander stick his tongue out and smiled at his lover. “You knew that I would follow you and not because that I don’t trust you, because I do, but because you are my husband and I always follow you.” He came closed but his smile quickly vanished when Hephaistion gave him a letter. A royal letter with Phai’s sign on top of it. 

“That can’t be…” he murmured quietly, opening slowly the letter. Without doubt it was his husband’s handwriting and he was sure that it was this one missing letter. It made his blood boil in his veins and he was ready to kill that fucker in a minute. How dared he? Was his hunger for power really that big? 

Alexander looked up into beautiful, blue eyes, trying to even his breath but it was hard when he knew that there were people so close to him who were trying to take Hephaistion away from him. so he really shouldn’t trust anyone beside his lover as it seemed. And he thought that he know Cassander. They were allies and they knew each other since childhood so why?

“I am going to kill him” He said though the gritted teeth, tightening his grip on the letter.

„You won't.“ Hephaistion lifted his hand and closed his fingers around Alexander's, trying to cool him down by stroking his skin, before he took the letter out of his hand and tucked it safely away. At least his husband had still no idea what embarrassing stuff he wrote. When he looked up again, he could see the rage building in Alexander's eyes and he understood him very well since he felt the same. But this time, Alexander wouldn't take care of the issue. Oh no, he simply wouldn't. 

„You won't lay a finger on him“, he repeated again and felt how the anger wanted to get out of his system, appearing out of nowhere, but he kept his cool composure as always and thanks to his perfect and cold pokerface, he didn't let any of this slip on the outside. Hephaistion lifted his right hand and cupped it around Alexander's face before he kissed him on the lips. 

„I want to rip him apart.“ For all the things he did to him in the past, Hephaistion finally was able to take revenge. And he would, nothing would hold him back, not even his husband. He remembered every single moment of self hatred when Cassander made him feel like shit and even if Alexander witnessed some of these moments, he had no idea of what really happened between the two men. „And you won't get in my way.“

Alexander huffed and looked with confusion in his eyes at his lover because he simply didn’t believe what he just heard. How was Hephaistion expecting him to not do nothing about Cassander? There was no way that he would just let it go because he didn’t need rooted apples that wanted his death. Beside Alexander was sure that his stupid general would quickly seek for revenge if he would show this little shit his mercy. And even though Phai’s gentle touch was really calming him down it was not enough to reduce his rage.

There was really one way to solve this case: Cassander’s death. 

But Hephaistion’s next words made him even more confused. 

“Why?” Alexander burrowed his eyebrows, looking intently at Hephaistion when his lover said that he wanted to get rid of Cassander by himself. The king knew that this two didn’t get well along and he was aware of the things Cassander did to hid husband but as it seemed, he didn’t notice how much actually Hephaistion hated the general. “What are you not telling me Hephaistion?”

Hephaistion smiled a kind of sad smile and shook his head, before he dropped his hands again and crossed his arms in front of his chest. 

„There are things that I don't want anyone to know.“ He knew that he could tell his husband everything, they grew up together and never had secrets, always sharing even the smallest information with the other, but this was something different. This had hurt Hephaistion's pride many times in the past and he knew by now that he was of less worth than his husband, but he didn't want Alexander to know these things so that even the other would think less of him. He had to keep his straight face and strong composure no matter what. He wasn't fragile and he could handle his issues and thinking about the fact that he was a king himself now only strenghtened his decision in going through this on his own. 

So all he did was shaking his head again, before he averted his eyes and cleared his throat. „I would suggest calling for a meeting since the other generals as well should know that they better shouldn't betray us.

Alexander observed his husband closely but something in Hephaistion’s eyes told him to not investigate this even though he really wanted to know what that bastard did to his beloved Phai. It made him torn apart between killing Cassander as fast as possible and making his death very, very painful but this decision belonged to Hephaistion now. 

“Can I at least know what are you planning to do? I hope you won’t let him get away alive” he sighted and touched his husband’s face, caressing Phai’s cheek with his thumb. He knew that it for sure wasn’t an easy decision, especially for Hephaistion who hated killing but now they couldn’t show any weakness. They were still very young and many people were waiting to deprive them of their power, which made Alexander worry even more because they really needed to be careful about their every step.

Hephaistion let out a cold, small laugh and looked Alexander in the eyes. „No, this time he definitely crossed a line. And I won't let him get away with what he has done.“ This time, he would show them what he really was made of, that he wasn't only the calm, observing general. He would show them that he was strong, that he wouldn't accept such a behavior anymore. And he would show every single one of them that he was ready to kill. 

„I actually meant what I said earlier.“ Hephaistion took Alexander's hand tenderly off of his face and kissed the back of it, nodding as if to reassure his actions to himself. He would do it. And then the others would finally respect him as someone who had a higher rank and was of more merit than them. 

„I want to rip him apart.“ And with that, he smiled at Alexander and let go of him, shortly squeezing his shoulder as he passed him, before he left the room and headed back in the direction where he came from only minutes ago.

It didn't take him long until he reached the small group of men who were enjoying themselfes, but when Ptolemy turned around and saw the blank expression on Hephaistion's face, he apparently sensed that something was wrong and immediately stood up. Hephaistion didn't give him enough time to speak, because he barked a „To the hall. 'Now'.“ before the general even could do as much as opening his mouth. Before he turned around, Hephaistion could see how everyone, even Cassander, turned around to face him and when the first ones got up, it made him smile with bitter satisfaction. With a slightly grim expression on his face, he clutched the letter, safely tucked away in his robe, tighter in his grip and went straight to the hall.


	34. Chapter 34

Alexander sighted, looking at the white wall for a few moments before he actually moved and started walking to the direction of the hall. Dark thoughts were filling his head and he was really worried about his husband, not because he doubted that Hephaistion wouldn’t kill Cassander. No, he was sure that Phai will do it but he was actually worried about his psyche. He knew from autopsy how hard it was to kill a human being and it was always leaving some mark in his mind.  
Hephaistion was strong, Alexander knew that better than anybody, but still he shouldn’t went through all of this. He was an amazing king and even more amazing person and Alexander really would do anything to keep him away from this misery but apparently there was no way to do this.  
With a really heavy heart he sat on his throne in the hall, waiting for his husband and generals to arrive. He really wanted to do something and help Hephaistion with this sick situation but this time he knew that he should just stand by his side and support Phai by just being close to him.  
When Hephaistion came to the hall, Alexander knew that he really shouldn’t interrupt and he just nodded his head at his husband, watching with stone face as the generals were coming in as well, looking confused but none of them dared to even breath louder. Good. They should know where their place was.

Hephaistion made his way through the hall, his back turned on the generals who were slowly taking their seats, not knowing what awaited them. Only Cassander had an insecure expression, well hidden under his mask of the fearless warrior he tried to be. But the young king could read his face and a sick feeling of satisfaction made its way through his body – and it kind of made him worry that he could feel that way, but he couldn't care less. Not now, when he was about to prove his worth as a king. He sat down besides Alexander and leaned back, holding his head cocked and his eyes fixed on Cassander for a few seconds, before he let his gaze roam over the other men in front of him.  
„A betrayal happened to take place within our rows, and I sadly have to announce that one of our closest generals abused Alexander's and my own trust.“ He reached for the letter in his pocket and waved it a bit in his hands and saw how all the blood drained from Cassander's face as he fixed him again. „Somehow, the original letter I sent to Alexander – which I am now holding in my hands – didn't reach him and instead a letter with both my handwriting and royal seal reached him. And I won't allow such a thing to happen without any punishment.“ He got up and paced in front of the other men, slightly shaking his head. „I somehow got an idea of who may have done such a thing and gladfully, my intuition didn't fail me – so I happened to find this letter in your belongings.“ He came to a halt right in front of the generals with the highest rank and glared down at them, a cold expression on his face. „Cassander.“ He nearly spat his name and when he tucked that letter away again, he could see how the general was shaking. He took a step back and motioned him to get up and when he didn't, his shocked gaze glued to Hephaistion's face, the young king only had to hiss his name to make him obey.  
„Alexander and I came to the conclusion that we won't bear such behavior. But it is up to me to decide and fulfill your punishment.“ He could see the fear in Cassander's eyes – and the realization that he crossed a line and that Hephaistion wouldn't let him go away with it. And oh, how was he right about that. „And I won't be able to sleep with the knowing, that somewhere out there, a sneaky little bastard is trying to seperate me from my husband. Who knows what you have in your pathetic little mind... and I won't accept a threat in the striking distance of Alexander. So you will have to pay for what you've done.“ Hephaistion could read in the other's eyes that he exactly knew that it wasn't only about the issue with the letter, but also about all the things he did do him. And Hephaistion would never forget all the pain and shame he had to suffer because of this miserable human being. That's why he would finally bring his own misery to an end. „With your life.“

Cassander felt cold sweat on his back. He knew that this meeting was about him since Hephaistion looked at him for a two seconds longer than necessary and he was sure that this time he won’t be able to get away considering all the thing he has done to Hephaistion.  
For the first time in his life he was seriously scared and even though he was keeping his face straight he could saw the victory in Hephaistion’s eyes so he was sure the younger general could see right through him. It was a really bad thing because even one bad move could cost him his head right now.  
But Hephaistion’s last words really made him want to scream and get the hell out of there. He just didn’t expect the young king to sentence him to death so easily. Like he was nothing. Sure, Alexander would do that. But Hephaistion? Little shit became a king only because he gave his ass to Alexander and know he thought that he could do anything.  
Cassander gritted his teeth, wanting to smash Hephaistion’s head. He was far better than him and he for sure wouldn’t just let himself get killed so easily. Especially by this little brat.  
“You have no proof” he said as calmly as he could, keeping his eyes fixed on Hephaistion. There was no way that he would show his fear right now. “Anyone could just left this letter in my dorms.”

Hephaistion put a mean grin on his lips as he shook his head. „You are so predictable, Cassander.“ His voice was a mere whisper and so emotionless that he couldn't believe it was his own as he spoke. He indeed expected Cassander to say that, because that bastard wouldn't give up so easily. But he had his own little spies and informants so he knew he was on the winning side.  
„I always had a bad feeling about you, you always behaved like a shady snake so I always had my eyes on you without you noticing it.“ He lifted a hand and one of the servant boys immediately made his way to him, his head bent while he wasn't looking at Hephaistion, but the king smiled a victorious smile.  
„Call for Deneris.“ When he turned back to Cassander, he could see the realization on his face once again. And Hephaistion cackled quietly. „Yeah, I guess you know that name, right?“ Hephaistion went back to Alexander without looking at him and sat down again, watching as the servant boy who was by his side for the past few weeks found his way to him. Deneris was his closest servant for a while now and especially in Alexander's absence, he never left his side which made their bond grow stronger. Knowing that the boy would do everything he asked of him, Hephaistion told him to keep an eye on Cassander and he already told him a few times, that the general was behaving in a strange way and getting way too close with Deneris' own brother, Klementos. It made Hephaistion pay more attention to the situation and his servant was right – and it was odd, because Cassander always thought he was better than anyone else, so why would he waste his time with some servant?  
Deneris bowed in front of him and when he saw that Hephaistion smiled at him, he returned the smile shyly.  
„Deneris“, Hephaistion started and nodded encouraging, „tell me what has you observed these last weeks.“ The young king leaned back, already knowing that the boy would reveal some things that would make it pretty hard for Cassander to get his head out of the loop, but what he actually heard made him sit straight up in his seat since he didn't expect it to be so easy to proof Cassander's guilt. 

„Sire“, the boy started, not turning around and standing with his back to Cassander, whose facial expression got more shocked with every passing second, „I could observe how my brother and general Cassander got involved with each other. A week before your majesty“, he shot a short glance to Alexander, „returned to the palace, the general paid my brother for some letter he gave him.“ Hephaistion narrowed his eyes at the information he heard for the first time and took it out, asking Deneris if this was the letter he was talking about. When the boy nodded, his cold gaze returned to Cassander and fixed him. „Well, that's quite interesting.“

Alexander raised his eyebrows but kept his poker face while listening to his husband’s words. He was really impressed with Hephaistion’s spying skills. Well, he knew that his lover was wise and cunning but still, it was really impressive how effortlessly he was able to prove Cassander’s betrayal. And how could anyone say now that his husband was worthless?  
Cassander felt his knees getting weak when he saw Deneris. The boy really looked a lot like his brother and he now was sure that he was in very deep shit. Still, he didn’t plan to gave up so easily. Not when it was about his own life.  
“His words still don’t prove anything” he said, looking Hephaistion in the eyes. “You could just paid him for these words. Everyone knows that you are not very fond of me because I defeated you so many times your majesty.” He said the last words like they were venom on his tongue and smiled nastily, straightening in his chair. He knew that the past between then was Hephaistion’s weak point and that was the place where his victory was lying. “I’m sure it wouldn’t be very hard for you to just write that letter and leave it in my dorms. And paying the boy for his lies? Even easier.”

“That’s enough!” Alexander growled, raising up from his sit. “I won’t hear your words anymore you little shit!”

„Why should I do this?“ Hephaistion's voice was calm when he mentioned Alexander to sit down again, raising from his own place, his eyes fixed on Cassander. „I don't have to crawl like the worthless worm you are, lowering myself on your level to achieve my goals. I am the king now and if I wanted you dead, I could've killed you in an instant.“ He dismissed the boy whose eyes flickered with insecurity and withdrew his sword he wisely took with him, looking at the blade with nearly 'love' in his eyes. „  
We both know what you did, Cassander. And it's up to you if you will confess or not. Not confessing will lead to a very painful death, but I promise to make it fast if you confess. In front of everyone, right this second.“ Hephaistion mentioned two of the guards who were standing near the door to grab a hold of Cassander's arm, his eyes cold and wrathful on his face. „So, what will you choose? I would su-“ But Hephaistion couldn't finish his sentence when Cassander ripped his arms out of the guard's holds, clearly reaching for his own sword, his hand already on the shaft. The young man only let out a small chuckle and without any hesitation, he had the general pierced by his sword in a second.  
It scared himself that he was gloating over the wet and ugly noises Cassander was making, but the satisfying feeling of revenge was way better than to worry about anything else. „... well, that wasn't how I expected it“, Hephaistion spit in his face and twisted the sword in Cassander's abdomen, which only made his breath rattle more, „but I warned you.“ And with that he pulled the blade out of the limp body in front of him, watching with sick satisfaction as he went down.  
„Anyone“, he started and looked at the other generals, a distant expression on his face, before he turned around, „who will try to harm Alexander or me will pay. Keep that in mind.“ Without waiting for anyone's reaction, Hephaistion made his way out of the hall, his sword still in his hands, Cassander's blood dripping from it's blade

Alexander watched as Hephaistion was twisting his blade in Cassander’s body, totally unable to move or do something. It wasn't like he haven’t seen his husband killing before. Hephaistion killed a lot of people but it was different this time and Alexander wasn’t sure what to think about it. The satisfaction he saw in his lover’s eyes was making him sick. This wasn’t the Hephaistion he knew but he could understand why he did that. It just would have been better if his Phai didn’t need to even think about doing something like this. The king sighed and looked at the dead body that was bleeding on the cold marvel floor. It was disgusting but at least they had one problem less and from what he was seeing, his generals were too terrified to even say something. Good. They should know what happened to those that were trying to hurt the royal family. “The meeting is over. Clean this mess”, he ordered and left the hall, making his way to his dorms, hoping to find Hephaistion there. They needed to talk. Or at least Alexander needed to be close to him right now. Hephaistion was always there for him and thee king couldn’t let his lover down in a situation like this. “Phai?”, he asked softly while entering the dorms. He wasn’t actually sure if his husband wanted company right now but he wanted to at least make sure that he was alright. 

As soon as Hephaistion reached the dorms, he closed the door behind him and let out a deep sigh. It was over. It was finally over. Cassander was dead and he wouldn't have to feel humilated by him ever again. He proved that no one should mess with him and by the looks on the other's faces, nobody would dare to do so. All in all, he achieved his goal. So why were his hands shaking? It was annoying, even though it was only a slight shaking which vanished when he clenched his fingers into fists but it still made him sick. He had to be strong. No need to think about his past anymore.  
He stood by the window and looked out, cleaning his sword, when he heard how the door opened. Slowly turning around, he put a small smile on his lips as he looked at Alexander.

„What is it?“, he asked, turning away again, his eyes fixed on his sword. „Do you need anything, my love?“ He put his sword down on top of a chest when he was done cleaning, before he turned around and went to the bathroom to get the blood off of his skin and change his clothes, since some of Cassander's blood was smeared on his robe.  
When he stripped down, his eyes caught his reflection and he let his eyes roam over his body, over the blood on his hands, the small and already fading scars and the ugly scar covering his side. What had become of him? It made him sigh and he quickly turned his head away, not being able to take his blemished looks.  
„I hope I didn't do anything wrong“, he called out of the bathroom, shaking his head to get rid of his own thoughts as he put on some cotton pants, „but I had to do it.“

Alexander sighed quietly and closed the door behind him. He could sense that there was something wrong with his husband even though the latter wasn’t showing any signs that he wasn’t alright. But they were together for long enough so the king was able to tell when his lover needed some comfort. “You did just the right thing”, he said softly and followed his lover into the bathroom. It wasn’t actually so easy for him to comfort Hephaistion right now since he didn’t want him to think that Alexander was pitying him. But he had to do something especially when there was this distant expression on Phai’s handsome face. The king slowly came closer and hugged his lover from behind. “It’s finally over”, he murmured and kissed Phai’s nape while touching his scar with his fingertips, just to show him how much he loved him even with his little imperfections. “I think that no one else will even try to think about betraying us now. You really showed them what you are made of today.” Alexander smiled to their reflection in the mirror and turned Hephaistion around to kiss him fully on his lips. 

Hephaistion's first instinct was to slap Alexander's hand away the moment he touched his scar. He had to close his eyes and take a deep breath in order to calm himself down, before he slowly took the other's hand away, a weak smile on his lips.  
„That's good. At least I did something right once in my life.“ He grinned at at him and forced himself to look Alexander into the eyes for a second, before he kissed him back, wrapping his arms around his husband's waist.  
At least Alexander wasn't mad at him for making his own decision, for showing that he had his own will. It was his biggest fear, the moment he came to the conclusion to kill Cassander, that the king wouldn't accept it. But apparently, this fear was arbitrary, so he let go of that thought and enjoyed Alexander's warmth, before he withdrew from him, his hands on his hips were he slowly caressed him. „I hope they won't make a fuss about it but I think I shouldn't show myself too often in public for the next few days.“

Alexander shook his head and kissed his lover briefly, not believing how stupid his Phai could be sometimes. “You are doing everything right.” He kissed him and brought him closer to himself, happy that Phai at least didn’t push him away. “And you definitely shouldn’t avoid public appearances. You are the king and they should know their places. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You should actually be proud. You unmasked a traitor and you got rid of him so now we can have some peace”, he smiled and kissed his lover once again, wanting to have him close right now just to be sure that he was alright. “I am proud of you, Hephaistion.” 

Hephaistion smiled and nodded shortly, feeling a little bit better in Alexander's presence. He was glad to have him by his side, simply because he could always count on him and now, after their marriage, he was sure that Alexander wouldn't let him down ever again. Even though he felt that way, he didn't want to hear Alexander's cooing words now. They seemed to be wrong and misplaced somehow and they made him feel bad. Like he was a little boy who needed praise. „Thank you.“, is why he said before bringing some distance between himself and his husband, looking at him with a fond expression on his face. „But I still think I should let some time pass. After all, you are the only rightful king to them and I should take it slow. Going away for a while wouldn't be such a bad idea, I think. Maybe I should visit my little sister?“

The king grimaced when Hephaistion pulled away but he didn’t say anything about it. If Hephaistion wanted some space then he should respect that even though it was really hard sometimes to keep himself away from his husband. Besides, there was still something wrong but he couldn’t say exactly what since his lover was too good at hiding feelings which he didn’t want to show to Alexander. “If that’s what you want then you should go, my love”, he answered and followed him to their bedroom. “Maybe a little break from here will do you some good.” Alexander smiled and sat down on the bed, still observing his lover closely. “It would be good if you would bring her here for a while. Your mother deserves some time for heself, too, and I think it’s safe enough here for her to come”, he suggested, really hoping to see Zora again since he hadn’t seen her in almost five months and he was really missing his little princess.


	35. Chapter 35

The room was in complete darkness when Alexander entered it but he didn’t mind. His eyes were already too tired after a whole day of paperwork and he just wanted some rest. But it was a really hard task when Hephaistion wasn’t here. It was actually quite funny that after Alexander’s return they were together only for two weeks before Phai went to see his family. He didn’t mind, the young king needed a break from all the things that were happening in the palace, intrigues and problems that were waiting around every corner. But still, it was just too quiet and the bed felt too big when Phai wasn’t there and there was no use to wake up earlier when he wasn’t greeted with his lover’s sleepy, happy smile.   
Alexander lighted a few candles and took a cup of wine that was already waiting for him, making his way to the balcony. He stared at the noisy city below him. It was a really hot summer night and a lot of people were spending it outside with their beloved ones. If Phai would be here, he would for sure make Alexander go with him out there to have some fun and eat fresh fruits.   
The king sighted, suddenly feeling even more tired. It was a really beautiful night but somehow it was making him feel more alone. Especially since his mother was attacking him again, constantly asking him about an heir. Normally he didn’t care but now it was making him really annoyed. He really needed Phai back to get himself under control.   
He sighted once again and combed his long hair with his fingers. Lately, he was letting them grow out because Phai told him that he looked even more handsome with longer hair. So Alexander didn’t cut them for longe time even though there were a bit uncomfortable during hot nights. He was already feeling a tiny layer of sweat on his nape but he couldn’t care less.   
Alexander took a big gulp from his cup, wanting to reduce the pain he felt a bit even if he knew that the alcohol wasn’t the best solution. But he couldn’t help it even though he felt kind of bad for taking the easiest way, but there was no one to see him right now and he will be sober by the morning so it really wasn’t a big deal.   
The wine tasted a bit bitter than usually and he preferred it more sweet but it didn’t stop him from drinking it all in few minutes. The need to make himself drunk was overwhelming. Beside the alcohol was making it easier for him to fall asleep so he could survive that bitter aftertaste.   
Alexander really needed his Phai to come back and make him feel loved. He was for sure getting old if he wanted love more than power and glory. But he couldn’t think straight right now when the alcohol was doing a really good job on making him drunk. It was actually really weird since he drunk just one cup but his head was already spinning and he needed to come back to the room and sit down on the bed because he could barely stand at this point.   
“Fuck!” Alexander started to breath deep and even, trying to calm himself. He was sure that he was drugged and he was getting hot with every passing minute. Also he was getting really horny and his vision started to blur. It was really hard to think straight but Alexander was trying to fight the effect of the drug even though there wasn’t much that he could do. Still, the questions why and what for were drilling his brain because really, who would want to use him in the sexual way?   
“Stupid woman…” he breather out with pure hate in his voice when he realized that his mother was up to something for the past few days and her talks about heir was getting more intense. He really should have seen that coming but he would never expect his own mother to fall so low.   
The king rose up from the bed and groaned when it made his head spin even more but he needed to lock the door before Olympias wiould make another step in her sick plan. So despite the fact that he could barely walk, he started to make his way to the door but someone was already coming in and it made his heart beat faster because he was completely helpless by now. 

~

Once again, Hephaistion had to realize how painful and long one week without his husband could feel. Only a few days after Cassander's death, he packed a few of his belongings and decided to visit his family again. Alexander wasn't happy about this, but with a little bit of persuading, which both of them enjoyed a lot, he agreed to let him go.   
'But only for a week' Hephaiston smiled at the memory of Alexander's pouting face, because he really didn't want to let him go, but since he loved him and cared about his husband's well being, he didn't make their parting too dramatic. The week would be over by tomorrow and his mother urged him to stay at least for the last day, but Hephaistion couldn't. Not after Alexia agreed to let him take Zora with him to the palace, because she had some settlements to make and with Leander being away, she had to do it herself. So yes, since she knew that Hephaistion would keep an eye on her and guard her with his very own life, she knew that her little girl would be in good and caring hands.   
That’s why he was now sitting on Deucalion's back, Zora tightly curled against his chest, fast asleep with her chin on his shoulder, the palace already in sight. How could his mother really think that he would stay a minute longer when he had Zora with him and could finally, well, bring her back to his husband? His smile grew wider when he thought about Alexander's face and how happy he would be to see her again, after all this time.   
Deucalion's pace slowered as they approached the palace, Deneris steadily on his side. Since the accident with Cassander, the boy didn't leave his side and he was thankful for it. He needed to know that there were people who he could trust, and since he had a pretty hard time to trust any servants after Goran, Deneris brought some change into his life. Hephaistion smiled at him when both of them gave their horses to the other servants who were with him, which was pretty odd for him because he loved to travel alone, but since he was the king now he wasn't allowed to do so anymore.   
He tenderly caressed Zora's back, who was quietly babbling something in her sleep and nodded, saying good night to the other's. When Deneris was about to follow him, he gave him a small smile and shook his head. „You can go to sleep, Deneris. I will go straight to my dorms to see Alexander, so you can get some rest yourself. I expect you in the morning.“ Deneris bowed in front of him and when Hephaistion entered the palace, their ways parted, leaving the young king behind with a heart that was beating so fast in pure anticipation to rejoin with his husband again.

“Hephaistion!” Olympias stood on his way to the king’s dorms and looked at him with superiority in her eyes. How dared he brought that little brat in here? It was beyond her imagination how her beloved son could’ve married someone like Hephaistion. Someone who was brining his own sister to the palace because he couldn’t give the king a real heir. That was just disgusting.   
“What are you doing here?” She asked in a cold voice, not planning on letting him go to the king’s dorms. Her Alexander needed a son and his stupid, little husband shouldn’t interrupt in it. “You were supposed to come back tomorrow’s morning.” Olympias didn’t even try to cover up the fact that she didn’t like him being here even a little bit. Beside she really didn’t expect him to come so fast so she wasn’t prepared to somehow keep him away from Alexander who was now really occupied with things that the only rightful king was supposed to do. And she knew that Hephaistion was too stupid to ever understand that this is necessary and that she only did what she did for the sake of Alexander and their bloodline. Hephaistion really should care more about things like this but she really didn’t expect so much from him since he wasn’t even from a royal blood and people like him wasn’t able to think about the greater good so she knew that he will make a real drama here if he will find out about Alexander’s current activities. 

„It is nice to see you too, my queen.“ Hephaistion's voice was cold and his happy smile vanished in an instant when he saw Olypmias in front of their dorms, clearly not wanting to let him pass. A stony expression covered his face and he automatically clutched Zora tighter to his body at the look the woman was throwing at her. „My arrival or leaving is none of your business. I came back home“, he emphasized that last word, only to see her face getting darker and it made him chuckle slightly, „because I wanted to. And I missed my husband, so if you could 'please' let me pass now. I am tired and the journey was long.“ Olympias really hated him, he already knew it, but he was sure that he could see his weary composure and the fact that he had a little child with him only added to it. She really should let him pass, her behavior only made him impatient and enervated. That's why Hephaistion simply pushed her out of his way and opened the room, his cold gaze fixed on her face. But when he turned around, the smile that was forming on his face because he thought he would see his husband froze right away at what he saw.

Alexander was lying on his bed with his hands tied to it and on his hips were sitting a beautiful, naked girl, making a very suggestive moves that didn’t leave any doubt that she was having sex with the king. She was even moaning shamelessly even though Alexander was stiff like a block.   
When the door opened she looked at Olympias and smiled widely while caressing Alexander’s broad chest with her fingers. “I will give him a son” she moaned with satisfaction and a mean gleam in her eyes when she spotted Hephaistion who was clearly too shocked to do anything. Good, because the king was already hers. 

“I told you not to come here” Olympias said in annoyed voice even though it was clear that she was happy with how her plan worked in the end. Her son will have to marry the girl she chosen for him because he would never abandon his own baby. And that meant that she will finally get rid of Hephaistion. Two birds with one stone. That was a really good day for her. 

Hephaistion couldn't move. The only thing he was able to do was to stare at the woman's back, clearly enjoying herself with what she was doing. He couldn't tear his eyes off of her, somehow glad about the fact that he couldn't see Alexander, because he didn't want him to see the pain in his own eyes. The young king couldn't breathe anymore and when Zora started to quietly wail in her slumber, he realized that his grip on her grew way too tight, which made him snap out of his numbness.   
Without a single glance at Olypmpias – he turned around and left the scene. He walked quickly down the hall, his vision blurry, while a heavy pain was growing inside of his chest, because he simply couldn't breathe, he just couldn't. Clutching his sister tightly to his chest, Hephaistion leaned his shoulder against a wall and tried to calm himself down, but he never was good at fighting against his panic attacks, so he simply gave in to the pain, but the requested darkness didn't come. Maybe it was his subconscious, telling him that he had to be strong now, since he wasn't alone, because he didn't know how he got to his old dorms, he didn't know how he got inside, locking the doors behind his back and sitting down on the edge of the bed. And then he stared in front of himself, not seeing anything, a blank expression on his face while he still was holding Zora in his arms, not willing to let go of her because she was the only anchor he had right now.   
So that's how it was like. Alexander wanted to finally get an heir. And Olympias gladly helped her son with this task, finding a beautiful and young woman for him. Hephaistion knew that this day would come, but he didn't expect it to happen so fast. And without Alexander talking to him about it. He 'expected' him to talk to him about it and he thought that his husband would, simply so that Hephaistion could prepare to vanish bit by bit, to give the king the room he needed... but this was worse than a slap right in his face. Alexander used his absence to finally get it going. He would have to marry that woman – Hephaistion nearly choked when he recalled the look she was giving him – and he would have to, soon. It was the only rightful thing to do, since he was the king and he himself couldn't give Alexander a heir, he knew that. But what hurt the most was the fact, that Alexander did it behind his back. Wasn't he worth it to being talked to? Didn't he have any higher merit to Alexander so that he could've simply warned him?   
Hephaistion swallowed thickly and hid his face in Zora's hair, who was slowly waking up and looking at him out of her sleepy eyes. He caressed the back of her head, wishing more than ever that he could give his husband what he needed, but it had no use. He couldn't. And Alexander already found a replacement for his incapable husband. Suddenly, he wished that he would've come tomorrow, so at least that sight would have been spared him. As the pain in his chest grew bigger again, Hephaistion swallowed and kissed Zora's forehead, thinking about what he should do now. He had to behave like a king and not stand in Alexander's way. He would have to keep himself back, no matter how much it hurt him, because Alexander needed a heir more than he needed Hephaistion. That was clear. But Hephaistion couldn't bear the thought of witnessing all of this, only thinking about it made his heart clench in his chest and tears burn in his eyes. But he didn't cry. He would behave like the king he no longer was and let Alexander live his life.


	36. Chapter 36

Alexander woke up with a heavy headache and a nauseous feeling in his stomach. He felt like shit and I took him a moment to recognize his own room because even his vision was blurry and he couldn’t see properly. Slowly, fighting the urge to puke, he looked on the left side of the bed, his eyes automatically searching for his husband but he was nowhere to be found. Instead there was a girl sleeping peacefully on Phai’s place. A naked girl. It didn’t take a genius to guess what they have been doing all night even though Alexander couldn’t remember even a second from the last night.   
“Guards!” He shouted without thinking twice about it and immediately regretted it when his sore throat started to burn him. But it didn’t matter. He needed to get rid of that girl as fast as possible and then probably beg Hephaistion for his forgiveness.   
Damn. Hephaistion was coming today.   
“Guards!” Alexander shouted again, making the girl woke up from her sleep.

“My king, what is happening?” She asked in a sleepy voice, blinking her eyes to get rid of the last remain of the sleep but before she had a chance to wake up properly, the guards came in and in a few seconds she was struggling against men’s hard grips. “You have no right!” She cried out and looked with pleading eyes at Alexander. “My king…!”

“Enough!” Alexander said angrily, trying not to show how sick he was. “Take this whore away from me!”

Hephaistion didn't know that Zora could weigh a ton. Her tiny body definitely felt as if he would carry Deucalion in his arms and not his little sister. But after that horrible night he had, he didn't even wonder. He didn't sleep at all and the thoughts were eating him from the inside, slowly and painful. The only thing that was on his mind was the fact, that Alexander and him didn't have a future, not together. They never had.   
A deep sigh left his body as he adjusted Zora in his arms, slowly walking down the hall to feed her. Hephaistion didn't even know how to face Alexander later. He could hide himself at night since the other expected him not before today, but now there were only a few hours left for him to think about what to do. But to be honest, he already made up his mind, only the way, 'how' to tell Alexander that what they had wasn't right, would be difficult. But there was no other way – they had to get divorced.   
Hephaistion rubbed his face with his free hand and took a deep breath when he reached the hall to their... Alexander's dorms. He swallowed, trying hard not to think about last night and averted his eyes, staring at the floor as he made his way down the corridor. But when he got closer, he noticed that the doors where open, which made him wonder since it was early in the morning and he didn't expect Alexander to be awake that soon after he... well.   
Hephaistion got closer and couldn't help himself but peek inside and what he saw nearly made him gasp, as the images, only a few hours old, hit him like a stone right at the back of his head. Seeing Alexander, naked and in his bed made his heart clench painfully and he turned his gaze away, but what he didn't get was, why he behaved so coldly towards that women who was now held by the guards. Didn't she please him good enough? Or wasn't she pretty enough for him, not able to satisfy the king's needs? Hephaistion quickly turned his head away again, trying to calm his madly beating heart, and kept on walking down the floor, his legs carrying him faster now, as the only thing he wanted was to get away from here.

Alexander didn’t even care about girl’s screams and pleas. It was just wrong and he felt even more sick. He needed to take a long bath and scrub off all the remainings of the last night. Beside all these screams were making his headache even worse. What in bloody hell did this witch of his mother gave him? If she wanted to get rid of him then she could’ve done it in a faster and less painful way.   
“Just take her the fuck away!” Alexander ordered, pulling on his cotton pants because he couldn’t stand his own nudity anymore. That’s when he saw Hephaistion’s face peeking through the open doors and this sight made his heart stop beating in his chest.   
No. It couldn’t be real. It was just a nightmare and he was going to wake up in a minute and tell it to Hephaistion and they will laugh about it and make love. It just couldn’t be true. But the cold fear that was paralyzing him right now was true and he knew that there was no coming back to what he had before. And it was all because of his mother’s sick dreams.   
“Hephaistion!” He screamed like a wounded animal, getting off of the bed even though he could barely keep his balance and all the sudden movements made his stomach growl dangerously. But he really couldn’t care less about his health or about guards’ odd looks. He just couldn’t let Hephaistion go now because this would be really the end.   
“Hephaistion! Wait!” Alexander run after his husband as fast as he could in his pathetic condition, praying in his heart that maybe it still wasn’t too late and that maybe Phai would forgive him just this one last time.

Hearing his own name made Hephaistion's head spin in an unpleasant way. He didn't want to see Alexander now, he didn't want to hear his excuses – and he knew that the king would definitely try and apologize. For nothing, since he was doing what he had to. He was only fulfilling his duties as a king.   
Closing his eyes, he came slowly to a halt and braced himself, but he couldn't turn around, only the thought of looking into the face of his beloved Alexander broke his heart. That's why he instead kept his eyes glued to Zora, who was playing with his hair but when she heard that someone was approaching them, she moved in his arms and tried to look past his hair and when she saw who it was, a smile was forming on her face and she laughed, stretching out her tiny arms. Hephaistion wanted to scream. But instead of letting his feelings out, he locked them away deep inside of him like he always did – and when he turned around, he had his poker face on, even a small smile was playing on his lips but he didn't know how long he could kept playing like this. But he had to try, for his own sake – and for Alexander. „Alexander“, is why he said after he collected himself, while he was keeping his eyes down on his sister who was babbling happily now. „I am happy to see you again.“

“It’s not like you think Hephaistion, I swear. I don’t even remember last night because my mother drugged me. I don’t even know this girl and I feel like shit but you need to believe me.” Alexander didn’t even take his time to breath properly because he needed his husband to know the truth. And he wanted to hug him so bad and just keep him close but he was sure that he wasn’t allowed to.   
He cheated on his lover and it was making him nauseous.   
“It’s all my mother’s doing. She added something to my wine. Please, Hephaistion, I need you to believe me. I know that I need an heir but I would never try to have one behind your back” he said in a pleading voice because he wouldn’t deal with losing his husband. His life had sense only because of Hephaistion and he couldn’t just let him go even though he didn’t deserve him and his forgiveness.  
“Please…Phai…” He looked down at Zora and her smiling face nearly broke him. it was just too much for him right now because all he ever wanted was just in the reach of his hand but now it was further than ever. 

Hephaistion's face was crumbling, he could feel it, but he still fought with himself. He wasn't allowed to give in, not now. He had to keep going and to pull through with his plan. Trying to swallow past the thick lump in his throat, he shifted Zora in his arms so that she wasn't facing the king anymore. Because that's what Alexander had to be for him from now on. The king, nothing more. Alexander's words nearly made him snort. Yes, Olympias was worse than a poisonous snake, but sinking that low only to get what she wanted? Hephaistion could hardly imagine her doing that. Besides that, he knew how quickly Alexander could get lonely and he was always good with finding excuses and alibies, so it was hard for him to actually believe the other.   
„You don't have to explain yourself, Alexander.“ His voice was calm, not shaking in the slightest way and Hephaistion asked himself how he managed to sound that unemotional. But he did it and he was glad about it because he couldn't afford to break down in front of the other man. He could do so later, when he would be alone, after everything would be over. „I knew that this time would come. I knew it better than you knew it yourself. I just didn't expect it to happen so fast.“ He tried to swallow again, but it only made it worse and he could feel the panic rising inside of him, growing stronger and clutching tightly around his chest. Breathing already became harder, but he still was focused on keeping up his walls. But when he heard Alexander using his nickname, he nearly lost it. It made him turn around and tighten his grip around Zora who looked up into his face, slightly tugging at his hair.  
„You should seize the chance and marry her. She is beautiful and suits you, Alexander.“ Hephaistion closed his eyes and tried to ignore how much it hurt to say those words, but he had to reassure the king, he had to. He simply couldn't let him down now. „I hope she will give you a healthy son.“

“Phai… I don’t want to marry her. I don’t even know her name. All I want is you” Alexander said quietly and even though he was fighting hard against himself, he lost it and hugged his husband from behind, finding it really hard to breath. He truly didn’t want another even if only for the sake of having an hair. He was disgusted with himself and he knew that he should stay away from his Phai for at least a little bit but he needed his husband right now when he was feeling so pathetic and so used.   
“It was really my mother’s plan. I didn’t know about it at all. Please, you need to believe me Hephaistion. I can’t lost you. You are the only one I love. I will do anything, just stay with me” he pleaded, tightening his grip on his lover. He just couldn’t let go of one person who was his whole world. Only Phai would never betray him unlike Alexander’s very own mother so how was he supposed to stay away from him?  
“I know I don’t deserve you and I hurt you many times but I swear, this time I wasn’t even aware of anything. And I will get rid of her. Just don’t leave me Phai.” Alexander said quietly, fighting tears that were gathering in his eyes. He really was pathetic but he couldn’t care less now when he could lost his beloved husband. 

Alexander's words made him want to puke. Hephaistion didn't know what to think anymore, his words sounded so sincere and his voice convincing in a way that it made his heart hurt. What if he said the truth? What if this wasn't any excuse for him, what if Olympias really tried to get rid of Hephaistion by forcing her son into impregnating a woman? The young man already opened his mouth to say something, anything, even though he didn't know 'what' he wanted to say, but when he felt Alexander's body against his back, he lost it. He couldn't take it to feel his body, to feel his arms around himself with which he probably embraced that woman keenly. Even though all he wanted was to forget about everything and make Alexander forget about every other human being except for himself. But he wasn't allowed to, not anymore – he knew his place now. That's why he got himself out of Alexander's embrace, maybe with more force than necessary, but he couldn't take it being near him, not now. Maybe not ever again.   
„I will never leave you. You know that I will always stand by your side.“ Hephaistion didn't look at the king, keeping his eyes down on the floor, feeling how his heart was beating fast in his chest, so fast that he nearly didn't feel it at all. „I will always be with you. Only not as your husband anymore.“

“Hephaistion you can’t do this to me. I won’t marry this woman.” Alexander said with pure panic in his voice because Phai’s words made him really sick. Did his beloved husband really want to leave him? It just wasn’t possible and it made Alexander want to scream because he really wasn’t able to live without Hephaistion by his side.   
“Phai…I beg you…” He fell on his knees in front of his lover not carrying about his position or pride. He just had to make him stay and he was willing to do anything to make that happen. Alexander took Phai’s hands in his and looked him in the eyes, trying to find the right words but seeing the hurt look in his lover’s blue irises made him literally speechless. It was just too much to bear right now because seeing Hephaistion like this was making his heart break in two. And it was all his fault. He really crossed a line this time even though he really didn’t want to have anything in common with this woman. “Please…Phai…” he just said in the end, feeling hot tears on his cheeks. 

The whole situation was wrong, so wrong that Hephaistion wanted to laugh and tell Alexander that he should stop joking. But he was sure that he would burst into tears if he opened his mouth now. He quietly shook his head and tried to talk, even though it was pretty hard because he couldn't breathe from all the pain and disappointment that was boiling inside of him.   
„Alexander, get up. Don't do this.“ Hephaistion slightly pulled at the other's hand until he was standing in front of him again. This was wrong. Alexander was the king and he shouldn't behave like this, not because of him. It just wasn't right. „You don't have to beg for anything, especially not from me.“ Hephaistion didn't let go of Alexander's hand and gently kissed the back of it, still not looking at him. He didn't want to see the expression on the other's face, he simply wasn't ready to face him, not yet.   
„Please don't make this any harder than it already is, for both of us. Just... let me go. You need an heir, and maybe the time has come now. Marry her, make your people proud...“ Hephaistion lifted his head and when he finally looked at Alexander, he couldn't stop the tears that were forming in his eyes, but he had to stay strong. „I am so sorry that I can't give you what you need. I hate myself for that more than your mother does, believe me... but this is the best for you. We were never meant to be together in the first place.“ When Zora started to grumble in his arms, Hephaistion remembered what he wanted to do in the first place and it made him swallow thickly. He had to go now, even thought he didn't want to. He wanted to make Alexander feel alright again, he wanted to smile at him but he couldn't. It wasn't up to him anymore.   
He gently squeezed Alexander's hand and let go of him, only to place his own hand against his cheek, slowly wiping his tears away. „I want, no, I 'need' you to be happy, Alexander. Promise me, you will be happy...“ Hephaistion took a step towards him and kissed him slightly on the lips, pouring all his love and longing into this one small touch. Into their last kiss. „I will always love you.“ Then he turned around, clutching Zora tightly against his chest and when she started to wail while grabbing for Alexander, he had to fight the sob down, that wanted to break out.

“I can’t be happy without you! Hephaistion!” Alexander screamed, finding it harder and harder to breath. This really had to be a bad dream because there was no way that Hephaistion was leaving him. It just wasn’t happening. They were meant to be, they were so happy together and it all was supposed to be destroyed just because Alexander was expected to have an heir? It was just unfair and it was making him sick to the bones because he couldn’t even imagine his life without his beloved husband. And he would definitely not marry that whore even if she was already pregnant. But damn, he was really praying to gods that this one night won’t be enough to make her carry his child.   
“Phai…” he quietly cried out, falling on his knees and hands because he couldn’t even stood up right now. He was still too weak and Hephaistion’s kiss was burning his lips and mind because this really could be the last kiss that he got from his lover and it was the most terrifying thing that he ever experienced. But he knew that it was too late now and that probably Hephaistion already made up his mind. But he would fight for him. he would fight for what they had because he needed Phai as much as Phai needed him.


	37. Chapter 37

When Hephaistion closed the door to his old dorms again, he immediately felt better. At least a bit, since he couldn't really feel good in his current situation. Carefully, he put Zora down on the bed and watched her, as she curled into a tight, little ball, fisting the sheets tightly between her fingers. When he was sure that she was asleep, Hephaistion sat down on the bed himself, bracing his arms on his knees and leaning his forehead in his hands. It was over, for good. Hephaistion overheard Olympias talking to that … woman about last night and when he heard their content laughter, he knew that the queen would never leave them alone. Alexander would have to marry her. And Hephaistion himself was fine with that.   
He shut his own feelings away, he didn't feel anything anymore, he didn't even want to cry. He was walking on autopilot through the palace, taking care of his little sister just like she deserved to be treated – and then he came to a conclusion. He knew that Alexander wouldn't give up that easily, but for the sake of his king Hephaistion had to take care of the situation. And the only way out of this misery for Alexander was, to finally getting rid of him. That's why he went to the only person he could trust beside Alexander: Nevena.  
She immediately knew that something was wrong and when she looked at him with concern and tears in her eyes, simply because she couldn't take seeing him that broken, he couldn't hold back and broke down. It took her a while to calm him down, but after some minutes, in which his body got wrecked by gut wrenching sobs, he collected himself and looked at her, desperation clearly written on his face. 'Marry me', he said and saw the shock in her eyes and at first she chuckled, but when she heard how Hephaistion swallowed, she only sat there staring at him. Hephaistion had no higher position any longer, he was back to being a general among the others. He could vanish without anyone noticing, especially after Alexander would have married that girl.   
He caressed Zora's head, who was sitting on his lap, and it made him let out a shuddering breath. This actually was a brilliant idea: he would get out of Alexander's way so that the other could live the life he deserved as a king and he himself would make sure, that his bloodline would continue since he couldn't trust his brother on this. He would make everyone happy with that. Alexander, his mother, Leander from who he would take the pressure of marrying away, Nevena who always joked that she would never marry a man because she was way too boundless for a man wanting to marry her – and himself. At least he tried to convince himself, but why was his heart so heavy and why didn't want the tears to stop falling as he sat now in the darkness of his dorms?

Nevena walked into her house and made her way to one of the bedrooms while biting her lips nervously. Two weeks passed since Hephaistion came to her with tears in his eyes and asked her to marry him. She actually never pictured herself as a married woman but she was sure that it wasn’t how it was supposed to be. She was pretty sure that some love should be involved. Well, actually marriages for money and power were natural but she didn’t want something like that. Sure, Hephaistion was her best friend and he was a very beautiful man on top of that but she knew that he will never love her in the way that a husband should love his wife.   
It just wasn’t right and despite the fact that she wanted to help him, she had a feeling that it will make both of them even more miserable.   
And it was clear that Hephaistion was already miserable enough. He wasn’t eating and sleeping enough and he was quickly losing weight, which was making Nevena even more worried. Also her hate for Alexander was growing with every passing day even though she knew that the young king was looking for his husband but she couldn’t just betray Hephaistion’s trust and tell Alexander where his lover was. It should be Hephaistion’s decision but the latter was too stubborn to even talk to Alexander.  
“Phai?” She asked softly while entering her friend’s room. “How are you feeling honey?” Nevena sighted soundlessly at the sight of Hephaistion’s curled form. So he didn’t even move since the morning when she left him. That really was a bad sign. “I have some news that you might be interested in.”

Hephaistion's desire for keep on living faded with every passing day. He reached a point where he couldn't care less if he ever got out of this bed again, or if he would turn into stone. He simply didn't care. One day after another passed and he felt more miserable with each passing hour, his body craving for he touches of his beloved one. Hell, he even would crawl out of his skin if he could, but he couldn't, so he spent the days with lying in bed and blindly staring at the wall without seeing anything. He didn't even feel like eating. Whatfor? He didn't need any strength for lying in bed, especially when Zora was asleep next to him, so he only got out to take care of her. And that was it.   
Hephaistion wearily lifted his head and looked at Nevena, who just entered the room and blinked, as if he was wondering if she really was here. To be honest, he felt like shit. Feeling rejected, unwanted, and simply like a failure didn't make him any good, but he couldn't help himself. It was true, though. „What news...?“, he asked, his voice all raspy from not using it the whole day as he slowly blinked again.

“That girl… she is not pregnant Hephaistion. And Alexander sent her away.” She said slowly, not sure how her friend will react on Alexander’s name. But she needed to tell him. He deserved to know the truth. “Olympias got mad because of it and she ordered Alexander to marry her but he nearly sent her away as well so she locked herself in her dorms.” Which would be really funny if not the fact that it made Hephaistion so depressed in the first place.   
“Maybe you should talk to Alexander. You know that I’m on your side but he is really not looking well. And he asked me about you again.” Nevena sighted and took a wet cloth from a bowl and started to clean Hephaistion’s face a bit. It was really breaking her heart to see her friend in such a bad state. Again. Which was making her even more angry. Because really, how much more will Hephaistion will be able to bear before he will breake completely?   
She didn’t want to find out.   
“Just talk to him Phai. He is really not himself without you honey.” She sighted and petted gently Hephaistion’s cheek. 

„I can't.“ Hephaistion turned his face away from his friend and closed his eyes, feeling the old and well known burn behind his lids again. How was he supposed to meet Alexander again? After all this time... he couldn't. It was only a matter of time before something like this would happen again and Hephaistion already was so broken that he couldn't even imagine making it alive through the next day. He didn't even know how to talk to him, what to say.  
„He needs a heir. And I am only in his way to be the great king he always wanted to be.“ When he heard how Nevena took a deep breath, he shook his head and gently squeezed her hand. „Don't. You know it as well as me.“ Slowly, Hephaistion turned his back on her and carefully pulled Zora closer to himself, kissing her head and drawing in her sweet smell. Oh, how he wished to lie with Alexander like this, their little girl between them... but this was never going to happen. „I was never supposed to be more than a general. It was all my fault, I was so stupid all those years ago... to fall in love with the king...“ He snorted sadly and buried his nose in Zora's hair. „I want to be alone now...“

“But he really loves you Hephaistion. I can see that. And he was worrying about your disappear so much…beside he is still your husband. And who cares that you can’t give him a baby? Do you really think that he will be ever happy without you?” She kissed the top of his head and petted gently Zora’s head. She was sure that if Phai’s little sister wouldn’t be here, the situation would be even worse than already but even the cute little girl wasn’t enough to make Hephaistion get a grip on himself. Now she was really wondering about telling Alexander where his husband was. “You need to talk to him Phai. I know that this…situation hurt you a lot but just talk to him honey.” 

„Nevena.“ Hephaistion's voice was quiet, but he knew that his friend could hear that he didn't want to discuss this topic any further. Yes, Alexander would be happy without him, he only needed time to get over his old friend. And the king was strong, handsome and surely willing to forget about him – he didn't even know himself. So it was up to Hephaistion to make him feel better, and the only solution was to stay were he was. And if Nevena had a problem with that, he would take Zora and go home. Maybe Leander was back home, his mother certainly wasn't.   
The young man opened his eyes and stared in front of him without seeing anything as he came to a decision. He would go home, he had to. As soon as possible. The moment the sun would set, he would go for Deucalion and vanish. But first, he had to get rid of his beloved friend. Sighing, he turned his head and looked at her, putting all his pleas into his eyes when he started to talk. „I can't believe you actually said those words. You, of all things, who can't even stand breathing the same air like him...I don't want to talk about this anymore. Please leave me alone now.“  
That was it. Really. She had enough. She was taking care of her best friend for more than two weeks, being his shoulder to cry on, trying to cheer him up and taking care of him to suddenly hear something like that? No. That was really enough. 

“Get up! Now! I’m done with your self-pitying. Be a man Hephaistion or I will make you remember me for a long, long time” she ordered while taking Zora from his arms. “And finally take a damn bath! You are stinking so much I can’t believe that you are daring to even come close to your little sister! Aren’t you ashamed of yourself?” She breathed deeply, clearly enraged. She was trying to be nice and all but that was really it. She had her limits, beside Hephaistion should finally see something more than the tip of his own nose. And if he won’t go to Alexander by himself then she was up for making Alexander come here because as much as she sometimes hated the young king, she knew that these two idiots were made for each other. They were just too much up their asses to see it sometimes. 

Hephaistion felt the anger flaring up inside of him as soon as Nevena took Zora away from him. How dare she do this? He sat up in the bed which wasn't even his own and looked at her with fury in his eyes, clearly pissed off. „Yes, I am fucking ashamed of myself, just so you know!“ He got up, still looking at her, while he was literally fuming, but he still tried to keep himself back by keeping his voice low to not upset Zora, who was only looking at Nevena and cackling slightly, not aware of the things that were happening around her. Lucky girl. „I am so ashamed that I am not good enough for being worth it to be married to Alexander that I want to literally crawl out of my own skin. I am ashamed that I can't get a grip on myself because he is everything I care for and I am ashamed for the fact that my life doesn't make any sense without him! I am ashamed of myself that I am so weak, but I can't help myself when all I can think about is not being good enough for the man I love the most, not being able to give him what he needs.“ Hephaistion turned away, breathing heavily, before he shook his head, wiping his face. „I am sorry“, he murmured after a moment of silence, turning around. „I shouldn't have yelled. You don't deserve this.“ With that, he made his way past her and locked himself in the bathroom, leaning his back against the cold wooden door, before starting to strip down, feeling worse than ever before. For yelling at his friend and for pouring his heart out.

Nevena just rolled her eyes at him and kissed Zora’s forehead. She heard that drama at least ten times and it wasn’t impressing her anymore especially when the truth was quite the opposite. Hephaistion was just too stupid to see how much Alexander worshipped him. And she was actually really impressed of the fact that the king really changed for his husband. A year ago she would bet all her money that Alexander would cheat on Hephaistion all the time and now she would be totally broke. That’s why she couldn’t let his friend just simply run away. Oh no.   
“You have a really stupid brother honey bee” she smiled at the little girl and send a servant girl to the palace. Even though Hephaistion didn’t want to talk to Alexander he wouldn’t have any chance to get out if Alexander will come here. “But he has me so everything will be alright my little princess” she petted Zora’s head and felt a warmness in her chest when the girl smiled back at her. She was just so cute that she was able to break the ice surrounding Nevena’s heart. 

Hephaistion took his time, slowly washing his body that was more skinny than muscular than ever before, and he hated it. When he got out of the water, he stood in front of the mirror, examining his body longer than it was necessary, but he wanted the time to pass as quickly as possible so he could snatch Zora and go. He only had to somehow remove her out of Nevena's claw-like grip and he had no idea how to do so...   
Hephaistion sighed and traced the line of his scar with his fingertips, his eyes never leaving the mirror, before he touched his stomach, then his chest. He really lost a lot of weight these past two weeks and he didn't look good anymore. And his face. He looked so ugly, so exhausted that he wanted to punch the mirror, dark bags under his dull eyes, his hair falling messy into his face and he didn't even want to think how his scruff added to his not so handsome looks. Slightly rubbing his hand over his mouth, Hephaistion started to get dressed, slowly putting on some cotton pants, before he took a towel and started to dry his hair a bit.   
„Nevena“, he called softly, wanting to apologize to her once again, but before he could do that he had to take of a more important issue. „It's time to feed Zora, did you remember?“, he asked, looking around and wondering where she was. „Maybe in the kitchen...“, he murmured and shrugged, rubbing his forehead, trying to get rid of the headache which he could feel creeping up into his head.

Alexander’s heart started to beat twice as hard when he heard Hephaistion’s voice and suddenly all the speeches that he prepared for this moment flew out of the window, leaving his mind completely blank. All he wanted right now was to feel his husband in his arms but instead his was holding Zora who was so similar to Hephaistion that it was making his heart clench in his chest. He so desperately craved for Hephaistion and his little sister that it physically hurt him. Just the way Zora was smiling at him when he was feeding her was making him melt. It was the sigh that he would want to watch all the time and never get tired of it.   
“Phai…” he said softly when his lover entered the room. Hephaistion really didn’t look well but Alexander was no better. But still, it made him worry even more. 

“I will leave you two alone” Nevena smiled at Hephaistion, fully knowing that her friend probably wanted to bury her alive now but she was sure that he will actually thank her later so she could survive a bit of Hephaistion’s anger. 

“I just want to talk to you.” Alexander said when Nevena quickly left the kitchen. “Just listen to me. That’s all I ask for Phai” he said quietly, rocking Zora gently in his arms. There was no way that he would let go of her right now. She was like an anchor for him.

Hephaistion stopped right in his tracks when he saw what was going on in the kitchen, his heart stopped beating immediately. His eyes widened in shock and when his gaze flickered to Nevena, only to see the pleased smile on her lips, he nearly gasped. That witch. And he actually thought that he could trust her. But apparently he couldn't trust anyone, not even his closest friend. He swallowed hard, but when he took in the sight of Alexander, having Zora in his arms while fucking 'feeding' her, his legs almost gave in. This was just too much, he couldn't take it. This was all he ever wanted. Ever.   
Swallowing, Hephaistion tore his eyes away from the man he loved more than his life. His heart was beating madly by now and he had to lean against the wall because if he wouldn't brace himself, his legs would finally give in, he was sure of that. But instead, he stood there and tried to calm down by taking deep breaths, which actually only made it worse because he could smell his husband, the sweet scent in which he could drown himself. „Why are you doing this to me?“, Hephaistion asked weakly and looked up to meet Alexander's eyes, an unbearable pain flaming up in his chest as soon as they met. He could drown in the other's eyes and it only made him realize how much he actually missed him, but when Zora chuckled, it brought him back to reality and he pushed himself off of the wall and stretched his arm out.   
„Give her to me.“ He couldn't stand seeing Alexander with his sister in his arms, when all he wanted was her to be their daughter. But when he saw that Alexander's grip around her tightened, he clenched his hands into fists before coming to halt. „Give her to me and then you can talk.“ He needed something to hold on to now, which was an unusual feeling for him because he always was prepared and calm in every single situation. But thanks to his traitor friend, Alexander caught him by surprise, shaking the walls he built up around him so carefully over the last weeks.

Alexander didn’t want to let go of Zora. Just no. but he knew that Hephaistion was stubborn and that he won’t let him talk until Alexander will do what Phai wanted so after a very long minute, which felt like eternity, the young king finally handed Zora carefully to his husband. It was even harder to do than he thought but the need to talk to his lover was stronger that the pain and void he felt inside.   
But from what he could saw, Hephaistion was in even worse condition and he was sure that if Nevena hadn’t been taking care of his husband, then Phai’s state would be even more horrible. Alexander made a note in his mind to thank her later even though she was lying to him about Hephaistion whereabouts.   
“I think that you know what I want to tell you” he said softly, observing as Phai snuggled his arms protectively around his sister like his life depended on her. It was breaking Alexander’s heart and all he wanted was to make his husband feel alright and make sure that he is fine but he needed to hold himself back. At least for now until he will make sure that Hephaistion would understand everything.   
“I know you think that we shouldn’t be together because you can’t give me an heir but believe me Phai, I don’t care about it all. I just want you. We can even run away, whatever you want, just please, come back to me. I need you Phai.” He said with a hope in his eyes. Hephaistion loved him, he was sure of that, so maybe if he will believe king’s words then maybe he will give in and really come back to him.

Hephaistion sat down at the table and buried his face in Zora's hair, slowly caressing her back which made her curl even tighter against his chest. He never felt so glad and relieved before, having his little sister in his arms, since she was everything he had left now and it was unbelievable how her presence immediately made him calm down.   
When Alexander finished talking, he lifted his gaze to look at him and what he saw nearly broke down his facade. Alexander looked so hopeful that it hurt him physically, feeling how his looks felt like needles pinching his skin. „Alexander.“ Hephaistion took a deep breath and took Zora's hand away from his face, which she was rubbing laughing against his stubby cheek. „I don't think that you have forgotten that you are the king. You have... responsibilities. We aren't little children anymore...“ If he was honest to himself, he couldn't deny that he was happy about the fact that Alexander was here, his attendance already soothing his wounds. But he would never admit that, since his head always won over his head and he had to be rational, especially when Alexander didn't think about any consequences. Hephaistion slowly reached for Alexander's hand and when he found it, he gently rubbed his thumb over his knuckles, looking down at their joined hands.   
„You have to make sure that you make your people proud and satisfied... you know that.“ When he wanted to let go of Alexander's hand, their fingers already parting, something inside of his body hurt so much that he quickly hold him again, as if he was the only thing that was keeping him alive right now. And maybe it was true. But still, he wasn't enough. „You know...“, he murmured, looking up into Alexander's face only to see the unconditional love towards himself clearly written across his features, and he was sure that he was mirroring such an expression, not able to hide his feelings any longer, „sometimes the only way to make sure that the one you love can be happy is, to let him go...“

“But I can’t be happy without you Hephaistion. When will you finally understand it?” Alexander sighted, feeling even worse than before because the last sparks of his hope were dying. It was really too much for him right now because he felt like his whole world was falling apart. Maybe Hephaistion was right? Maybe he really should procreate an heir so his people will be sure to have another king even if it will cost him his own happiness?   
But he still was refusing to think like that because he deserved at least a bit of happiness. He had only one life and he didn’t want to spend it on pleasing everyone but himself. Beside he knew, by the way Hephaistion was holding his hand, that his husband also needed a bit of happiness in his life. And to achieve that the needed each other.   
“Phai… I really can’t live without you. You are the only one that I trust in this world.” He said quietly, looking at his lover intently. “And I know that you feel the same about me. Just give me one last chance. This time I will be more careful. And I doubt that my mother will try something again. Just this one last chance Phai…”

Hephaistion sighed and smiled sadly, letting go of Alexander's hand to adjust Zora on his lap, who was struggling to get back to Alexander. That little traitor. But he couldn't mind, since he understood that she wanted to go back to him. Apparently, she liked him a lot... It made his smile grow even sadder but he quickly turned his head away and stroke his sister's back. „I don't have to give you another 'chance', Alexander. You haven't done anything wrong.“ He really didn't. What Hephaistion was so upset about was the fact, that he suddenly wished, Alexander never became the king. This way, they could've lived a peaceful live, without any responsibilities towards anyone. But now, things were different... So different, that he still thought about going away, simply leaving everything and everyone behind and start his life anew, somewhere else. But when he looked at Alexander again and saw how bad he was actually looking, he sighed. Even if he really wanted to, which he actually didn't, because his heart belonged to the man sitting in front of him, he wouldn't be able to leave him. Not when Alexander's well being depended on him. Hephaistion swallowed and looked down at Zora, carefully stroking a strand of hair out of her face before he took a deep breath and said: „Okay.“

Alexander wanted to say something but he just opened his mouth and closed it, trying to catch up. It just wasn’t… possible. Did Phai really agreed so easily? But how? Alexander really had prepared a lot of speeches to convince his husband to come back to him but this… this was just too easy.   
“Really?” he asked stupidly after few long minutes of just staring at his lover. “Will you really come back to me?” He looked at Hephaistion like on a ghost, trying to find a catch in this all. His mind was so foggy right now that he didn’t even notice Zora’s attempts to get back to his arms which under normal circumstances wouldn’t get past his attention. “Is there some ‘if’?” Alexander asked with a new hope in his eyes because the thought of having his husband back was making him wanted to scream from happiness. 

Hephaistion nearly rolled his eyes at him, but it would have been very inappropriate, so he only closed them and got up, slightly shaking his head. Alexander never had to question him or his actions or his chains of thoughts, so the young man could hardly believe that he really asked him that now. When Hephaistion once came to a conclusion like that, he usually sticked to it. But now... He tightened his grip on Zora in order to save her from falling out of his arms and moved to the door, wanting to put her to sleep. „No, not really“, he said then before he disappeared in the bedroom, sighing inaudible because of Alexander's unbelievable reaction. „I was just joking.“ Of course he wasn't. He wanted everything to be like it was before, before everything went downward. He wanted Alexander back, more than anything else, so badly that it made his whole body ache. But he deserved a little punishment for asking such a stupid question, he really did.   
When he reached the bed, he carefully put his sister down in the little nest he made out of cushions for her so that she wasn't able to fall out of the bed and leaned down to kiss her head. „Sleep now, my little girl“, he whispered and caressed her cheek when she made grabby hands at him, clearly not wanting to go to sleep yet but her half lidded eyes told another story. „I have to take care of the man we both love so dearly now, you know... he doesn't believe in me.“

Alexander still was a bit confused but the happiness was growing inside of him. Even though he was trying hard not to think about all the possibilities, he was aware that this time Hephaistion would simply not forgive him. But now he could push this thought away and it really made him feel a lot better.   
When he finally caught up with everything he realized that he was standing in the middle of the kitchen like a pole for good five minutes and that Hephaistion was already gone. The king shook his head and quickly followed his lover to the bedroom that Phai was using and couldn’t help the smile that appeared on his face when he saw with how much love Hephaistionshowed while he was tucking Zora in her blankets. This domestic sight made him want it to be their everyday routine because Hephaistion would make such a good father. But it wasn’t the most important thing that he wanted in life. Phai was his only priority and the rest could wait.   
“Maybe we should take her to the palace?” he asked quietly, not wanting to wake up his little princess. “I want to spend some time with you and her…” he added softly while snuggling his arms around Hephaistion’s waist from behind. 

Hephaistion felt a shiver running down his spine the moment Alexander touched him. He craved for it for so long that now, when he was feeling his heat against his body again, it was simply too much. It made him sigh and lean back into his touch, while swallowing hard. Even though he knew it was real, it was hard to believe that Alexander was really here, with him, finally holding him in his arms again. And for the first time since forever, that's at least how he felt about it, Hephaistion felt home again. Home and 'safe'. The pain inside of his heart grew smaller and smaller the longer Alexander was touching him and when he turned around and looked at the other man, Hephaistion nodded.  
„Okay“, he quietly said and looked up into his face. „I will only leave a message for Nevena...“ 'and verbally kick her ass for what she has done', he thought, but to be honest he was thankful for it. But instead of moving out of Alexander's embrace, he stood there, not able to move at all, and looking with awe at his husband. Even though he didn't look as good as he normally did, he was handsome and the love in his eyes nearly made Hephaistion's heart melt. He lifted his hand and stroke a strand of his growing hair out of his face, resting his palm against his cheek where he tenderly caressed his skin. All of a sudden, his heart started beating madly in his chest again and he could feel that all the hidden desperation and longing wanted to break out of him, but with his last will power, he contained himself. „I missed you“, he just said and because he could feel how his face wanted to give in to all the pain, he leaned forward and hid his face in Alexander's neck, fully knowing that he didn't behave like he should, that he behaved pathetic and clingy, and he knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't careless, the relief that his husband was here again washing over him in such a inescapable way that he just gave in.

Alexander smiled when Hephaistion’s eyes told him everything. It was just crystal clear that his husband missed him a lot just like the king did. It actually made him happy since was really worrying about the fact that Phai could actually move on during the time when they hadn’t seen each other. Alexander wouldn’t be even so surprised since he actually cheated on him and even though he wasn’t even aware of that it still wasn’t fair and he was sure that it really hurt his husband.   
“I missed you too. You have no idea how much” he sighted and kissed his lover lovingly, tightening his grip around Phai’s waist. He also didn’t want to move anywhere right now even though he wanted his husband and their little princess in the safety of his dorms. But it felt so good to just stand there and enjoy Hephaistion’s soft touches and hot kisses and Alexander felt like the whole world didn’t exists for that few moments when it was just him and his Phai.   
“Don’t you ever leave me Phai. I wouldn’t be able to survive it next time” he murmured quietly into his lover’s lips and looked him longingly in the eyes.

„I nearly didn't survive it this time myself.“ Hephaistion looked at Alexander for a few seconds, taking in his sight, before he turned around, withdrawing from his embrace. It felt so good being with him again, but Hephaistion had to take it slow. He was still hurt and the images didn't leave his mind yet, but he was willing to forget about everything. But he simply needed time.   
„Do you expect a 'next time' do happen, Alexander?“, he quietly asked as he sat down next to Zora's sleeping figure, caressing her soft cheek, his fingers playing with her hair. „Because I don't know if I will endure any more of this pain.“ He lifted his eyes to meet Alexander's and even though he wanted to, he couldn't keep his gaze and looked away again, before he sighed. Somehow, he didn't know what to do with himself. He was full of opposite feelings. Here, he wanted to feel Alexander close to him, but on the other side, deep inside of him, he somehow couldn't stand touching him for too long. He wanted to hear him saying that he loved him, but on the other side he feared those words more than anything else. Hephaistion simply wanted to rip his head off – or his heart out. „I guess you should go back“, he murmured after a while, thinking about if he wanted to go with him, but when he thought that through, it was the only solution to get out of his own misery. So he stood up and carefully lifted Zora in his arms, where she immediately snuggled closer to him, her face hidden against his chest, her tiny hands fisting into his clothes. „And the both of us will go, too.“

Alexander nearly protested when Hephaistion withdraw from his embrace, leaving him cold and empty again even when he know that this time his husband wasn’t leaving but he couldn’t help himself. He really needed Hephaistion a lot after all these time when they didn’t even seen each other.   
“Of course not. I didn’t mean it like that. I just don’t want to you to leave me at all.” Alexander answered and sighted quietly, fully knowing that there would be a ‘next time’ if he still wanted to be a king. But this ‘next time’ wouldn’t be like the last one, he was determined to make sure of that. And even though the thought of him with a woman was making him sick, he was sure that if both he and Hephaistion will be prepared then it won’t be so bad. Beside marrying a woman who was able to give him an heir was only a formality. They both knew that.   
“I’m happy to hear that.” The king smiled widely seeing his husband with Zora is his arms. It was really an adorable sigh that was feeling him with happiness. “Do you need to take something with you?” he asked, looking around the room even though all Phai’s belonging were still in their dorms.

With a weak smile on his lips, Hephaistion shook his head and went to the door. No, he didn't need to take anything with him since all of his things were at the palace, which showed that he didn't think his plan through. He could have never left without anyone noticing, but after all this time, he was convinced that his heart never wanted to leave in the first place. So it surely was better the way it was. And with Zora in his arms, he could endure every bad situation that was awaiting him. Hesitating, he lifted his free hand and reached for Alexander's, and as soon as their fingers joined, a little smile formed on Hephaistion's lips. „Now I have everything I need.“


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short one today... But it's my birthday and I am kind of busy... with work T_T   
> But I love you and next time I promise you a longer chapter ♥

Hephaistion managed to write a short message for Nevena which explained in a few words that he went back with Alexander and that he would visit her in the following days – and he knew that she would discover the hidden threat in between the lines that he would take his revenge somehow for betraying him. But now, as he was standing in Alexander's dorms again, Zora fast asleep in his arms, he didn't want to think about his friend anymore and in order to distract himself from her, Hephaistion sat down on the bed, tenderly rocking his little girl while his eyes never left Alexander who entered the room before him. „Did anything happen in my... absence?“, he quietly asked, not wanting to wake up his sister.

Alexander putted the crib beside their huge bed and smiled a bit to himself. It really did looked good since it was made by his best craftsmen. It was white with roses ornamentation on it. A perfect crib for a little princess. He actually ordered it quite long ago but he never had a chance to actually put it to use before since Zora wasn’t here for almost half a year. The king missed her dearly and seeing her now in Hephaistion’s hands was making him happy beyond belief. He even managed to push the traitorous voice in his head, that was repeating him that it wasn’t forever, to the back of his mind.   
“Nothing much…” he answered carefully, putting soft pillows into the crib. “Usual, boring stuff that I need to take care of everyday.” The king sighted to himself and looked back again at his husband. “I bet you are tired. Should I take care of Zora?” Alexander smiled a bit and came closer, looking with adoration at the little girl. “She is growing up fast…”

„I see“, Hephaistion murmured in response and observed how Alexander came closer. He looked tired and the fact that he put Hephaistion's well being over his own by asking if he should take care of Zora was making his heart clench with guilt. It was all his fault, Alexander's state and the fact that he left him for the past weeks were making him sick. But instead of pointing out to the king how tired he was looking himself, Hephaistion just nodded. Besides, from what should 'he' be tired? From lying aroung in bed while letting Nevena do all the work? Yeah, sure.   
   
„You can take her to sleep, if you want to“, he said and brought a small smile on his lips, before he got up and closed the short distance between Alexander and him, moving his arms so that the other could take a hold of his sister. When Alexander's face lit up as soon as he got the little girl in his arms, it made Hephaistion smile and he leaned forward to kiss her shortly on her forehead, before slumping down on the back. He somehow still couldn't bear the image of Alexander with his sister, since it was making him feel a strong desire and longing after something he couldn't have. But that was a thing he wasn't willing to think about, at least not now. So he simply concentrated on Alexander's soft voice who whispered sweet words to Zora, closing his eyes and sighing slightly.

Alexander immediately forgot about all his worries when he got Zora in his arms. She was just so lovely that he couldn’t take his eyes off her and it was clear that she had the king on the palm of her tiny hand.   
“She really looks like you” Alexander smiled widely and finally putted gently the baby girl in the crib before leaning down and kissing her forehead. It actually made him wonder how long will Zora stay with them but he didn’t want to know right now and just enjoy the moment so he turned to Hephaistion and snuggles his arms around his husband.   
“You are both so beautiful.” Alexander kissed his lover softly, enjoying his warmness. He missed their closeness and even though he was dead tired he didn’t want to let Phai go so soon. “We will have to have eyes open when our little girl will grow up.”

„I know.“ Hephaistion chuckled slightly and thought about Zora, wondering how stunning she would look when she got older and hoping, that she wouldn't turn out to be a little brat. But he was sure that she wouldn't, since she clearly came after him. The thought made him grin for a second and when he looked into Alexander's eyes, the grin faded into a smile.   
„Women are beautiful, Alexander, not me.“ He pinched his nose before kissing him and when he looked over to the crib, he sighed. „I will really have to watch over her. Not everyone will be allowed to approach her, not when I am near her.“ His poor little sister wouldn't have to waste her time with stupid little shitheads, Hephaistion would make sure of that himself. But before he would have to do so, a lot of time had to pass, so he concentrated on Alexander again, who was still looking at him. „Go to sleep, Alexander. I can see how tired you are. I will watch over Zora since I am not that exhausted so far.“

Alexander looked at his husband closely and nodded his head. He indeed was tired and had a lot of sleepless nights beside him but he still found it hard to just go and finally rest because that traitorous voice in the back of his head was telling him that he could still lose his beloved Phai.   
“Don’t you want to rest a bit as well?” He asked after he finally step away from Hephaistion to change his clothes. “I can bet that she will wake up if she would need something.” A wide smile appeared on his lips at the thought of Zora. It was amazing how such a little human being was able to make him so happy just by existing. “Beside you need your beauty sleep my love.” Alexander pinched playfully Phai’s butt and jumped away, laughing quietly, when Hephaistion casted a death glare in his direction.

Hephaistion was tired, yes, but he knew exactly that he wouldn't be able to fall asleep now. Something was holding him back, but he didn't know what it was. But arguing with Alexander about that wouldn't make any sense and since he definitely was too tired for 'that', he just nodded. „Alright“, he sighed, ignoring Alexander's little comment about his beauty sleep, as he oppressed the urge to roll his eyes. He knew that he wasn't on the highest level of his beauty these last days, but he didn't need a beauty sleep. Hephaistion bit his lip in order to hold back a snarky remark, and when he laid down after stripping out of his clothes, he shoved both arms under the pillow and hid his face in the soft material. He nearly groaned like a little, discontent child that didn't want to go to sleep yet, but he didn't let out a single noise. „Sleep well, my king“, he murmured and smiled when he heard Zora's faint grumbling in her sleep, before closing his eyes.

Alexander smiled cheerfully, helping his little girl to make her first steps. It was really amazing to watch Zora grow and even though they had to sometimes wake up during nights to feed her or change her, the king still didn’t have enough and was spending every free minute with his little princes. Beside the time that he would spend with the baby girl was limited, and he knew that too well so he just couldn’t let any chance pass to spend even more moments with her and his husband.   
“Few more tries and she won’t be needing my help anymore.” Alexander looked up at Hephaistion who was sticking his arms out, encouraging his little sister to take this last few steps that were separating them. It was good to see him so happy again and Alexander couldn’t help but smile even wider. Phai looked much better even though it was just a week since they get back to each other but food and regular sleep were doing a really great job to bring him back to his old self.   
“Come on honey, daddy is almost there” he said cheerfully, not even realizing that he called Hephaistion Zora’s father. He was just too caught up in that moment to concentrate on anything beside his little family. Even the visit that his mother paid him this morning wasn’t able to destroy his happiness when he had sleepy Zora in his arms. It was perfect. Their life was perfect now and he didn’t want to think about the future because the thought of losing Zora was just too painful for him to bear right now. 

It was incredible how fast Zora was growing up. Hephaistion still could remember the day he first laid his eyes on her cute chubby face and now she already was trying to actually walk, her grabby hands stretched out towards him. It made his heart beat faster, filled with happiness as she was tapping out of Alexander's arms in his direction, a wide smile on her lips. Hephaistion just put his hands on her arms, stabilizing her as she reached him, looking with huge eyes at him, probably overwhelmed with herself that she truly made it into his arms, when Alexander said the sentence that made the blood freeze in his veins, only to pump seconds later through his body, making him hot all over. Slowly, he lifted his gaze and when he met Alexander's eyes, he could read in his face that his husband didn't even realize what he just said. Hephaistion didn't know how to feel about this. On the one hand, it made his heart flutter in his chest because if he was honest with himself, that was exactly what he wished for Alexander and himself: Zora being their daughter. But on the other hand it made him feel bad because it made him think about the fact that he wasn't able to give Alexander a child for which he was obviously longing very hard. And Zora was only his sister, after all. 

He quietly sighed and pushed the sad smile away that wanted to form on his lips, before he kissed Zora's forehead and turned her around, letting her stand on her own feet, before he got up and quickly made his way behind Alexander, where he knelt down and slung his arms around the other's body, pulling him back against his own chest, before he pecked a feathery kiss on his husband's neck. „And now back to us“, he said, making encouraging noises to bait Zora in their direction.

Alexander purred when he felt Hephaistion behind him. It was good to have things between them in the old way even though they actually hardly have time for themselves when they needed to take care of Zora. In the past week they had sex only once and it was just light touching but Alexander didn’t mind. Hephaistion needed his time to recover and the king was suffering from constant lack of sleep since he wanted to all of his work when his princess was asleep so he could play with her later.   
“Yes, come to us honey” he encouraged his little girl, who was slowly walking to them on her chubby legs, sticking her arms out with a concentration on her face. It was really adorable how determined she was just like that one person whom Alexander love more than anything.  
“She is really like you. But I hope she won’t be as mouthy as you” he said in a serious voice but laughed out loud when he felt that Hephaistion pinched his ass. “I love you too” he purred and turned his head to kiss his husband briefly before he caught Zora in his arms and praised her for being so brave. 

„I will try and be less mouthy for you, my king.“ Hephaistion smiled shortly and prodded Alexander's neck with the tip of his nose, before he got up and stretched his back. Somehow, a dull feeling managed to build itself in his guts and he didn't know where it was coming from. Maybe it was seeing his little sister making her first steps, maybe it was seeing her together with Alexander. It could be both of it, Hephaistion really didn't know. But he knew that he wanted to get out of there, trying to find some minutes to calm himself down. It was really weird, since he never felt like this before and wasn't he supposed to feel perfectly fine when all he ever wanted was right in front of him?   
„I think it's time to feed Zora...“, he murmured after a few seconds of silence in which Zora made small attempts to walk into his direction, as he was standing two steps behind Alexander. „Do you want to take her or is it my turn this time?“ Hephaistion stretched his arms until his elbows cracked and smiled when his sister was giving him big eyes, stretching her own arms towards him wail waggling slowly to him, hugging one of his legs and burying her fingers in the material of his cotton pants. „I guess you want to go with me, my little princess?“

“I love you being mouthy.” Alexander smiled happily and get up as well with his eyes still on his little princess. It was amazing how quickly she was learning. Just today she made her first attempts to walk and now she was able to make a few steps without help and it was making Alexander’s heart burst with pride. But before he had a chance to say that he actually wanted to take care of Zora, the little girl made her own choice but the king didn’t mind. It was clear that she needed some bounding time with her big brother and she and Alexander already spend whole morning together.   
“I think you should put her to sleep Phai.” Alexander petted softly Zora’s head and looked up at his husband. “We also need some time for ourselves” he purred and kissed Hephaistion’s soft lips which only made Zora babble louder at the lack of attention. “She is really just like you” the king sighted happily and brushed Phai’s cheek with his thumb. 

 

„I think you're right.“ Hephaistion lifted Zora up in his arms and sat her onto his hip while he gently poked her cheek which made her babble happily and laugh in such an adorable way, it made his heart melt. „Look at that hungry little thing. I bet you could use a very long nap as well, huh?“ He smiled himself when she looked at him with huge eyes, as if she understood what he was talking about. Adjusting his sister in his arms, Hephaistion leaned forward and kissed Alexander softly on his lips, immediately feeling how his husband's touches made that nasty feeling go away. It made his heart beat faster, and when he withdrew, he gently caressed the other's neck with his free hand, Zora immediately trying to imitate his gesture. „I will feed her and then put her to sleep, it shouldn't take me long. So I will see you at supper.“ Hephaistion smiled and turned around, walking out of the room, suddenly feeling hungry himself, now that the heavy feeling vanished.


	39. Chapter 39

It didn't take him long to put Zora to sleep, since she seemed to be overwhelmed by her own progress she made today. She only tried to cling onto Hephaistion for a minute, until she gave in and closed her eyes, her small chest breathing regularly after seconds. The young king kept standing by her side for a few minutes more, looking at her pretty face that was so much similar to his own that it made his heart ache.  
„Sweet dreams, Zora“, he murmured and leaned down to kiss the top of her head before he smiled at Nevena, who was quietly sitting in her armchair, observing him without saying a word. Hephaistion came pretty quickly on good terms with her again after he apologized to his friend multiple times for behaving like a coward. But Nevena was Nevena and she forgave him in an instant, hugging him back with so much force that he thought she would crush his bones. Afterwards, it didn't take him long to convince her to move into the palace and take care of Zora whenever him or Alexander couldn't. He knew how much Nevena loved his little sister, he saw it in her eyes everytime she looked at her even if she would never admit that, and he was really glad for her help. He knew that, at some point, his mother would come to pay him a visit, just like she promised, and probably take Zora back home with her again, but he didn't want to think about that. For now, he was glad that he could spend some time with his husband again, even if it only was eating supper together, since Zora really took a lot of his husband's attention.   
Hephaistion smiled as he left the room right next to his and Alexander's dorms and made his way to the dining hall, thinking about the way his face lit up whenever Zora smiled at the king. It really was too adorable to handle it. He was really glad that everything turned out to be good again between him and Alexander. Even though it still hurt to think about it, Hephaistion tried his best to forget about the incident that happened and he was doing pretty good. Alexander did everything to make it up to him, Hephaistion knew it, so he was willing to forget. He knew that his husband loved him, deeply, and after they talked about it for hours, he knew what happened that night – and he was glad that Olympias didn't show her face even once in front of him because he was sure that he would have harmed her pretty features without hesitating. They talked about it and now it was time to look into their future, Hephaistion was alright now and he knew that he would be fine with anything that Alexander planned as long as they talked about it. So when he turned around the corner and entered the dining hall with a smile on his face, expecting to see his husband again, he finally felt really good again. But what he saw made the smile on his lips vanish in an instant.   
Alexander was sitting at the table on his his place and on his – Hephaistion's – very own place was sitting a young girl, apparently very busy with talking to 'his' husband. The way she was leaning over to him, exposing her plunging neckline and batting her eyelashes, made something inside of Hephaistion snap and flare with anger. Alexander himself didn't look very happy about it but he didn't send her away either and it looked like he wasn't even thinking about doing so. Hephaistion's eyes immediately searched for Olympias. It definitely was a new attempt of her, pushing a girl between her son and his husband. But not this time. Hephaistion knew that he should trust Alexander, but the way the other was staring at that girl was making him angry beyond belief. He clenched his hands into fists as he approached the pair at the table, jealousy burning hot inside of his body, as well as the irrational fear of losing his husband.  
„Alexander“, he barked and looked at him, disbelief written on his face. How could he even allow that girl to try to seduce him after everything that happened? Hephaistion's cold glare was glued to Alexander's face who was looking like a lost puppy now, obviously trying to find a way out of this situation but Hephaistion wasn't willing to listen to him. He was his husband. Fucking 'his' husband and he wasn't willing to share. He shot a cold glare to that girl who immediately backed away in her chair and seized Alexander's arm, pulling him up and out of the room, dragging him back to their dorms. Their food had to wait, he had more urgent things to take care of now. „We have to talk.“, he gritted out between clenched teeth.

Alexander was looking at his cup full of wine and only half heartily listening to girl’s little speech. How was her name again? He really couldn’t recall it or maybe he just didn’t want to. Anyway he was far away with his thoughts, wondering if Zora was already asleep or if Hephaistion had to lull her to sleep before their little fighter finally gave up. He really had enough problems to deal with so he really didn’t need to listen to that’s girl’s words that were piercing though him like a knife. The thought that he would finally have to give life to his heir was hunting them constantly, and the fact that Olympias was sending girls to him to remind him of that fact wasn’t helping at all.   
Beside the way she acted was really annoying. Sure, she promised that she won’t do anything like the last time again but Alexander should have known better that she had her own ways around and that she will find a way to make him think even more about having a son. And hitting straight into his guilt was a low but how effective blow. But it was still too fast for him. The wounds from the last time were still too fresh and Alexander didn’t even want to think how bad it was for his husband. Just the thought of losing Phai again was making him so sick than he wanted to scream.   
Yes. It was definitely too early for this, even though they both agreed that it’s just something that has to be done and it will be done as painless as possible. But still, he and Hephaistion knew that if they wanted it to work out then Alexander would have to take a wife even if he would not touch her after impregnation. It was just sick and cruel and the king really didn’t want to make his future wife so unhappy but it seemed that he had no other choice.   
Alexander once again felt his stomach twisting into a tight knot and he closed his eyes, trying to even his breath. He was so numb that he didn’t even feel how close the girl was to him until he hear his lover’s voice.   
He immediately lifted his head and cursed everything when he saw the look in Hephaistion’s eyes. Without thinking about it twice, he shook the girl off his arm and looked back at his husband.   
“Sure” he murmured when the girl nearly run out of the room, escorted by Phai’s death glare. It was bad and Alexander knew it. He really shouldn’t be so careless and stupid to allow someone near him so close. “Shall we go to our dorms?” He asked, getting up from his sit even though he didn’t even touch his food.

Hephaistion didn't say a single word on the way to their dorms, only his grip on Alexander's upper arm grew tighter, but he didn't care. He didn't care as well about the fact that he was dragging his husband behind him like some little boy who did something wrong – but maybe that was just what Alexander was in that moment. His breathing came hard as he tried to get a grip on himself, but he failed miserable since he couldn't calm down the jealousy which was still burning in his body, rushing hot through his veins like liquid fire. When he reached the room, Hephaistion opened the door and shoved Alexander inside, entering right behind him and closing the door with a loud thud.   
„I can't believe what you are doing“, he hissed and looked at his husband, who was standing in the middle of the room. „After everything that happened. I just left for a few minutes and you already turn your head after someone else?“ Hephaistion clenched his fists and approached Alexander, trying to lock his desperate feelings away, but he wasn't able to hide the feeling of betrayal on his face. Maybe he was pathetic, behaving like that since Alexander didn't do anything – at least not for now – but he couldn't help himself. He went through so much pain that the fear of feeling like that again was overwhelming.  
„But I won't allow this. You are mine, Alexander.“ Shoving the latter back by placing his own hand on his chest, Hephaistion literally pushed him on the bed, not giving him any time to realize what actually happened before he straddled his hips and pushed his wrists into the mattress, looking down on him. „I won't allow anyone to touch you without my permission. And I can't believe that 'you' actually allowed it. Who do you think I am?“ He pushed Alexander's hands harder onto the cool sheets, not letting him form an answer because he sealed his husband's lips with his own before he could even say a single word.

Alexander knew that it was even worse than he thought from the way Hephaistion was gripping his hand – harder and harder with every minute. It wasn’t a good sing but he didn’t say a word either during their trip to their dorms. It was better to talk about it inside, far from curious ears that would for sure tell his mother about king’s marriage troubles.   
Once they were finally in, Alexander opened his mouth to say something but the raw pain on Phai’s face shut him up and left completely speechless. He hated to see Hephaistion like this especially when he was the cause of his discomfort. It was making something inside of him die but he kept his gaze on his lover, trying not to make him even more upset.   
Hephaistion was right. He shouldm’t let that girl get so close to him and touch him. He shouldn’t let anyone do that but he did and there was no excuse for his behavior. Alexander sighted quietly, realizing what a shitty husband he was. They were married for such a short time but he couldn’t even count how many times he hurt his precious husband. It was really pathetic. He was pathetic. That’s why he expected a slap when Hephaistion raised his hand but instead of a hot pain on his cheek he found himself lying on his back on the bed with Phai on top of him, still looking pissed off and really sexy. The king knew that he shouldn’t think like that right now but he couldn’t help it. Especially when Phai’s sweet lips attracted his and Alexander could swear that time stopped for a moment. 

Cupping his husband's cheek with his hand, Hephaistion continued kissing him, but when the other didn't kiss him back, he withdrew from his lips and looked at him, slightly caressing his cheekbone with his thumb, suddenly feeling how all of his fury left his body at once, leaving him behind feeling numb and limp. He stared at Alexander for some seconds, before he averted his eyes and followed the motion of his thumb.   
„Did you like her?“, he asked quietly, before he leaned back, taking his weight off of him. He could feel the jealousy inside of him, just waiting around the corner until being able to burst out of him again, but he contained himself when he saw the expression on Alexander's face. Hephaistion misbehaved. Again. Maybe that girl was someone who Alexander chose for himself on his own, without Olympias mingling into their business? Maybe he genuinely liked her and could imagine her as his future queen?   
Slowly, he took his hand off of the kings face after he leaned down and pecked him shortly on his lips, not looking him into the eyes. When he didn't got any answer to his question, he nodded to himself and a cynical smiled formed on his lips. He fucked up. Alexander was the king after all and he shouldn't behave like that, even if he was his husband. He had no right doing so.   
Blinking, Hephaistion cleared his throat and looked into Alexander's eyes for a second, before he got up, fighting his jealousy into the back of his mind. „I am sorry“, was all he said, smiling at the blonde before he nodded in the direction of the door he just closed behind them mere seconds ago. Man, his plans really changed fast, since all he wanted to do was to claim his husband and show him who he belonged to, but all he achieved was making him mad, as it seemed. He really wasn't made for this. „I guess you are hungry, so you should go back, hm?“, he asked when he got up from the bed and reached for Alexander with his hand, clearly wanting to help him get up himself. „I will look if Nevena is taking good care of our little princess in the meantime.“

“What?” Alexander looked at his husband with astonishment in his eyes. His tired brain was barely catching up with things so he didn’t even have a chance to stop Hephaistion when the latter was standing up and getting away from him. Without hesitation he caught his lover’s hand and brought him closer to himself, not very gleeful about the fact that Phai was already making some stupid theories instead of making out with him.   
“I don’t even know her name for fuck’s sake, Phai” He rolled his eyes and in a minute he had his husband under him. “And I don’t even want to see her ever again. It’s all my mother’s doing” he murmured while kissing Hephaistion’s soft neck. It was a really long time since they had a moment only for them. And since Phai came back with Zora they actually didn’t have sex at all. Hephaistion still looked like he was upset about this whole situation so Alexander wasn’t pushing him. But now, when they were finally alone, king’s brain quickly stopped functioning and control was taken by his dick, which was already growing hard in his pants just because of Phai’s closeness and his intoxicating smell. “You know that I only love you” Alexander purred and kissed his husband with all he got.

Hephaistion let out a small puff when he found himself being pushed into the mattress by Alexander's weight. Hesitating he looked up to him, slowly blinking while he tried to process his words. „But“, he started and let out a quiet sigh, feeling how his insecurity wanted to fight its way past the jealousy still simmering in the pit of his stomach. „But I saw your face... the expression on it when you were looking at her. You seemed to be very fond of her.“ He tried a small smile as he dragged his finger over the soft skin of Alexander's neck, feeling his pulse beating against his fingertip. „And I know the current situation... I know it very well.“ Hephaistion swallowed and glued his gaze to his own hand, slowly sliding down the other's neck, to his chest until he reached his stomach, feeling well defined muscles under his touch, trying to get rid of those mixed feelings inside of him – and somehow, he managed to do it.   
He cleared his throat and opened his mouth to say something, but instead he nearly let out a yelp when Alexander started to devour his lips. He let his second hand slide down his husband's body as well and gripped his hips tightly, for sure leaving some bruises there, but he didn't care, not when he was able to feel him again. Letting out a low growl when he finally snapped and let go of the thoughts of that girl, Hephaistion pushed against the other body and turned them around, until he was sitting on top of Alexander, his long hair loosely falling around his face. „Tell me more about that“, he whispered and leaned down to kiss him again, before he shallowly started to rut his hips against Alexander's, letting go of him again. „Tell me how much you love me. I want to hear that.“ Hephaistion didn't care that he sounded needy right now, not when he knew that he in fact needed to hear those words in order to be able to get rid of those dark thoughts that were haunting him ever since he saw that woman taking his husband away from him.

“I was thinking about you Hephaistion. All the time” Alexander responded when they finally parted, breathing heavily. He didn’t want to think about that sick situation right now because it was always making them both depressed so there was no use to discuss it when Alexander wasn’t planning on having an heir anytime soon.   
A small smile appeared on king’s lisps when Hephaistion changed their position and started to touch Alexander in all the right places. He almost forgot how astounding Phai’s touches were and how quickly could his husband make him burn with desire and lust. Instantaneously all the thoughts about that girl, whose name he still couldn’t remember, vanished and his mind went blank when Hephaistion started to rut against his hardening manhood.   
“You are my everything Phai” he murmured, taking off Hephaistion’s robe, slowly even though he wanted him naked as fast as possible, but he was taking his time to admire his lover’s beauty. “I love you more than my own life. I would give up everything for you.” Alexander looked into blue eyes, also fogged with lust and smiled, moving his own hips against Phai’s. “You are my king Hephaistion.” 

Hephaistion smiled when he heard Alexander's words, knowing exactly that his words were true and when he looked into his eyes he could see it, too. „Okay“, is why he whispered then, lifting his hand to caress the other's cheek. „And you are mine. The one and only king for me to ever rule over my life.“ He looked down on him and leaned over, slowly dragging his lips over his husband's cheek, before capturing them in a soft kiss.   
„Do you understand me?“, he said when he slid his hands beneath the layers of clothes the king was wearing, tenderly moving his fingertips over his shoulders, before he slipped the fabric off of them. „I know that I will have to share you in the future, and I accepted this fact, but I don't want to share you now. Not when I don't have to. So please...“ Hephaistion leaned his forehead against Alexander's and sighed quietly, trying to put all of his honesty into his spoken words, because they were in fact true. He knew how things were supposed to work in the future and he agreed to let Alexander marry a woman. But what he didn't agree with was letting them near his husband as long as he still was fully his. No way he would allow that. And seeing that woman together with him was just a low punch below the waist and he didn't want to feel like this again, especially not after everything he went through in those last weeks.   
„Please don't do this again. Don't let them come near you, it hurts so much I can't even put it into words, even if I could... Just seeing them next to you, clearly wanting to seduce you... it's too much. Especially since I know... that they can give you what you need, which I am not capable of.“ He shook his head, as if to clear it and get rid of those thoughts, but somehow it didn't work out. So he simply decided to hide his face in the crook of Alexander's neck and inhaled his scent, rubbing his nose against his skin. „Can you promise me this?“

Alexander sighted and gently caressed Phai’s cheek with his thumb. It was good that Hephaistion told him what he was feeling but it also made the king feel bad about himself for not seeing it earlier. Sure, his husband was damn good at hiding his feelings but they were together for a long time so Alexander should be at least able to tell when his lover was feeling down.   
“Yes. I will keep them away from me Phai. I promise you this” he murmured into Hephaistion’s soft hair and kissed the side of his head. He didn’t want to have anything in common with those women either so it wasn’t a problem for him. But still, they both know that this will be a problem in the future and Alexander started to wonder if Hephaistion really would be able to handle this if it was hurting him so much now to see a women near to his king. Oh how he wished to have some other solution to this sick situation but for the first time in his life he was completely helpless.   
“Make love to me Phai” he said instead, not wanting to think about anything at all and just feel Hephaistion’s closeness and he was sure that his lover didn’t want to think about it either. And even though they wouldn’t solve anything by having sex it was still good to forget about their problems for a little bit. 

„Okay“, Hephaistion murmured in response and managed a small smile when he lifted his face out of Alexander's hair, looking him in the eyes. „I will try my best to get over it, but now... it is not needed yet, so I am just trying to keep the damage as small as possible... I hope you can understand me...“ He kissed his husband's forehead, before he leaned back, half getting up, in order to be able to get out of his clothes, never leaving Alexander's face with his eyes. Sometimes, he couldn't believe that this beautiful man belonged to him, that he was willing to share his own life with Hephaistion – that he loved and cherished him and promised not to leave his side. Ever.   
Alexander's next words snapped him out of his thoughts and he slowly lifted his gaze to meet his husband's eyes, full of love and lust. Seeing this expression on his face, made Hephaistion feel better in an instant. This look was only for him, not for anyone else. Alexander was his husband. His king. So when he finally got out of his clothes, he undid Alexander's as well, sliding the fabric off of his body while his hands still rested on his soft and warm skin, ready to be marked by him.  
„Do you really want me to?“, he asked softly, pecking small kisses on his neck, down his chest until he reached his stomach, biting gently his skin while he let his hands slip beneath Alexander's pants, slowly taking them off of his legs, his mouth already watering at the sight of Alexander's hard cock. Hephaistion shot a look upwards in the other's face and kept his gaze for a few seconds, repeating his question once again before licking over his hot and hardened flesh and closing his eyes with satisfaction, when Alexander arched his back at his touches.

Alexander wanted to say something but as soon as Hephaistion started taking his clothes off, he completely forgot what he had on his mind. The effect Phai had on the king was amazing but who could blame Alexander when Hephaistion looked like the son of Aphroditha? His body was a piece of art, illuminated by the dim lights of candles and the king couldn’t even blink, fully knowing that his husband known exactly how much Alexander wanted him when he had a hard proof in his pants.  
“Yeah… you know that I want you to…” Alexander panted and licked his lips when he saw the lust in Phai’s eyes when the latter was taking the last piece of clothing off of the king. “Take me however you want to.” He knew that Hephaistion wanted it now to make sure that Alexander was still his and the king had nothing against it. Especially when Phai’s mouth closed around his hard manhood. This always made his brain melt so he just nodded his head, spreading his legs a bit wider unable to think about any constructive answer but he knew that this invitation was enough for Hephaistion.

If Hephaistion had any doubts about making Alexander his again, they vanished after hearing Alexander's words. He forgot about everything else, about every sorrow that tormented his heart and he concentrated only on the breathtakingly beautiful man beneath him, who trusted him so much that he wanted to give himself to him. The young king nodded and caressed Alexander's stomach soothing, before nibbling on his hot skin, masturbating his lover with painfully slow strokes while he lowered his lips over the tip of his cock, sucking him with all he got.   
The way Alexander melted under him, the needy sounds he made … it made Hephaistion lose his mind. He could hear how Alexander's breathing became harder with every passing second and when he started to thrust his hips upwards, he had to push him down. Letting him out of his hot mouth, Hephaistion straightened his back and reached for the oil, while his eyes never left Alexander's face, since he was practically bathing in the lust his husband felt towards him.   
„I want you slow“, he started as he poured some of the oil over his fingers, biting hungrily down on Alexander's thigh when he lied down between his spread legs, „and I want you long, until you will be begging me to make you forget about everyone else besides me.“ Gently, Hephaistion slipped his hand down and started to slowly rub over Alexander's hole with the tip of his finger, steadily biting his thigh until he slid his finger inside his hot body, starting to slowly fuck him first with one and then with two fingers. „I nearly forgot how tight you are“, he panted, getting more aroused with every passing second, the longer he imagined his own dick enveloped by this tight heat, especially when Alexander made it clear that his fingers weren't enough by grinding down against them. Hephaistion couldn't help himself but to grin weakly, trying to form his smile past his arousal but he was sure that he couldn't fight down the lust that was clearly written on his face.   
„Will you do this for me, Alexander?“, Hephaistion asked as he added a third finger, finding a good rhythm to prepare his lover with and making him moan so sweetly, especially when he found his prostate and kept massaging it, feeling how his grin grew wider at Alexander's needy sounds. „Will you forget about everything else but for me, deep inside of you?“

Alexander smiled widely when he saw the expression on Hephaistion’s face after he told him that he wanted him. Phai was really amazing but it made the king laugh a bit that his beloved husband still needed an affirmation that Alexander really was willing to give himself to him. They had their ups and downs but they were a marriage for almost three years so Hephaistion should know by now that Alexander was fully his and that he could do whatever he wished to the king.  
“Phai…” he breathed when he felt Hephaistion’s finger slipping slowly into him. It was a really long time since they made love and even longer since he was the bottom. But t felt really good because Hephaistion knew what he was doing and he had his ways to make Alexander lose his mind. “I am not made of glass.” Alexander moaned when he felt a second finger inside of him and Phai’s careful moves. It was really annoying now since he wanted to fucking finally feel Hephaistion inside of himself. So without waiting for his husband’s reply he started to move his hips, trying to get Hephaistion to work but he could see that it had quite the opposite effect.  
Little tease.   
“There is no place for anyone else in my mind and you know this” he answered, looking straight into his lover’s eyes. “And I would like to forget about anything else but you are sadly still not inside of me.” Alexander smiled mockingly, making this a challenge for his husband since he knew that there was no better way to get Hephaistion to fuck him sooner. 

„You are a little impatient, but I told you that I want you slow and since you seem to be needy today... it wouldn't take you very long until you would come on my cock. So... do you see my problem?“ Hephaistion grinned and continued to thrust his fingers into his hot body, shaking his head at his husband's words. „You said I could take you the way I would want to... so why aren't you allowing me to be gentle with you?“ He gave his husband's ass a hard slap with his hand and enjoyed the way the other reared up against his touch, even though it kind of disappointed him. For once, Hephaistion wanted to take his time with him, wanted to make him feel good, preferably multiple times in a row, and Alexander still didn't want him to.   
Sighing, he remembered the last time and shook his head once again, before he took his eyes off of him, clearly not wanting Alexander to see the disappointment on his face. „But if that's all you want“, Hephaistion murmured and fucked into Alexander for the last few times before he retracted his fingers and reached for the oil in order to pour some of it onto his hard cock, massaging it into his own skin with fast and hasty motions. „Turn around“, he said with a low voice, before leaning back and waiting for Alexander to obey, his hand still on his cock. „Now.“

“You can be gentle if you want to. I just missed you so much… so it’s hard to be patient.” Alexander sighted, touching Hephaistion’s chest with burning desire in his eyes. He wanted his husband so much that he really couldn’t think about anything else so he quickly turned around when Hephaistion told him to without realizing the hurt look in his lover’s eyes.   
But the thought of having Phai inside of him was enough to make his brain melt. He just wanted them to share the passion like they used to so he didn’t even care that he wasn’t on top which would never pass a few years ago when he wasn’t with Hephaistion. But a lot of things have changed during their marriage and he knew that Phai could give him a lot of pleasure. Also he wasn’t thinking of being on the bottom as something that was making him weak anymore.   
“Just fuck me. However you want to. Fast or slow. I just want to finally feel you inside of me…” He breathed out, bracing himself on his arms. It was visible that Hephaistion wanted him to so he was getting impatient with every second while Phai was just visibly toying with him instead of actually fucking him.

Hephaistion could feel how his heart threatened to spill over from all the love he felt towards his husband. When the latter turned around, he had to restrain himself with all his volition because otherwise, he would just throw himself at him and fuck him senseless. But that wasn't what he really wanted to do. He wanted Alexander to fall apart underneath him and he wanted to lose himself in him. But not yet. He didn't want it to be over too soon, since the last time he was truly intimate with Alexander was far too long ago. He needed to claim him. So when he leaned over his husband, one hand on the other's waist, the other guiding his own dick to Alexander's marvelous ass, he took his time, kissing and licking over his neck, before he slowly started to enter him, feeling how his tightness was making him go mad.   
„Fuck“, he moaned and got a hold on Alexander's hips with both hands now, closing his eyes while he tried to control his breathing. It felt so incredibly good. So good, that he even forgot how it felt in general, being close to Alexander, being inside of him, making love to him. It was literally overwhelming. With steady circling motions of his hips, Hephaistion started to thrust deeper into him, feeling how his husband clenched rhythmically around him, only making him moan sweeter. He gripped the flesh in front of him tighter, for sure leaving some bruises on Alexander's skin, but that was what he wanted – he needed everyone to know that the king was off limits. Heir or not. „Are you alright?“, he panted, thrusting with short snaps into him, knowing exactly that he hit Alexander's prostate by the way his moans started to come more hasty and needy.

Alexander forgot how the breath when he felt Hephaistion finally slipping into him. He almost forgot how good it felt so he didn’t even notice how hard Phai was clutching on his hips. All that mattered in that moment was that they were finally connected like they used to and it felt damn good.   
“Finally…” he muttered into the pillow, slowly starting to move his own hips. “I was waiting for it for so long.” Alexander moaned loudly, not carrying anymore if someone would hear him as long as Hephaistion would be convinced that he made the king lose his mind and that only he could do that.   
“Alright?” Alexander let out a small, breathless laugh, tightening his grip on the covers to keep himself anchored. “I haven’t felt so damn good in ages” he answered, wanting to see Hephaistion face right now but it was impossible for him to turn around when Phai was fucking into him with even more force, hitting his prostate every time and making him unable to think anymore. Alexander felt like falling apart but it was just right and he was sure that it was just the beginning. “More Phai!” he commanded, spreading his legs even wider to let his husband fuck him even deeper. 

„That's good“, Hephaistion said after he managed to catch his breath again, the same moment his hips finally came to rest against Alexander's ass. Being fully buried inside of him was the best thing he ever felt and it made him feel so heavenly good, that he leaned against the other's body with all of his weight, slowly nipping at his neck now.   
„That's so good to hear“, he repeated himself, starting to thrust into him with more force now, feeling how Alexander got tighter with every move he made. So apparently, he indeed said the truth – Hephaistion could live with that. To be honest, it was quite an ego boost for him to know, that he was the one who made Alexander feel this way, making him forget about himself. But when his husband spread his legs, Hephaistion himself nearly lost it completely. He drew in a harsh breath, bracing himself on Alexander's hips again as he could feel how he was getting even deeper into him.   
„Fucking shit, Alexander“, he moaned and squinted his eyes, trying to keep his composure, but it had no use – he lost it. The only thing he could do now was to fuck into Alexander's tight body, as if his life depended on it. „You want more? You can have more.“ Hephaistion was thrusting against Alexander's prostate with every single one of his thrusts by now, getting off more on the needy sounds his husband was making than on actually fucking him – but the combination of both was threatening to make him go mad for good. He slowed his movements a bit, not letting them get weaker though, as he tried to get a grip on himself.   
„I missed this so much“, Hephaistion confessed panting, slapping Alexander's bottom cheek with his right hand after he let go of his hips, „I missed it so much to lose myself inside of your hot body... why are you so hot?“ He knew that he wasn't making any sense right now, but he somehow had to keep his mind working, even if it was by babbling incoherent stuff.

Alexander tried to say something but the only things that came out of his mouth were breathless moans so he just nodded his head, agreeing with Hephaistion but he wasn’t even sure what he was agreeing to. All that mattered now was that Phai was deep inside of him, making him totally lose his mind with the hard thrust right into his prostate.   
“Phai!” The king screamed into the pillow, wanting to take care of his hard, leaking manhood but it was totally impossible now because he could barely keep his balance using his hands was out of a question. “I…need…” he breathed out, trying to verbalize his need but he failed when Hephaistion slapped his ass. Such a little tease, making Alexander tighten on him even more.   
“It’s all your fault…” he said when his mind started to working again after the first shock of pleasure. “And now take care of my dick” he demanded, fully knowing that his husband would probably tease him even more by doing something completely different – trying to get Alexander off on his cock alone. “Now!” The king commanded, really needing to be touched before his mind would get blank again. 

Alexander's breathless voice made Hephaistion chuckle into his neck. There was no better sound than hearing how his husband was losing it because of him, not being able to form a proper sentence anymore and giving in to the lust he himself was giving him. Starting to move his hips a bit faster, Hephaistion shook his head and bit down on the exposed skin right in front of his nose, making a hickey on Alexander's taintless skin.  
„I don't have to take care of your dick“, he panted and braced himself on one of his arms, before he let his other hand slip under Alexander's shaking body, caressing his hard dick with only his finger tips. „I know you don't need me to.“ Hephaistion grinned and felt how his husband tightened on him when he hit his prostate again, making him shiver even harder. „I know that you can come only on my cock, Alexander.“ Hephaistion's voice was heavy with lust and his eyes held such a hungry gaze that he was glad that his husband couldn't see him right now. The only need he had was to claim him and make him forget about everything else, even himself. A small chuckle left his mouth when Alexander seemed to disagree with him on his last statement, but he still wasn't able to actually verbalize his thoughts. „Oh yes, you know that, too“, he moaned, adding some speed to his thrusts, his hand still touching Alexander's leaking cock in the lightest way.   
„So do it, come on my cock, Alexander.“ Leaving another mark on his neck, this time a bit closer to his nape, he snapped his hips forward, holding Alexander in place. „Obey to your very own king“, he murmured alluringly into his ear.

“Fuck you” Alexander tried to say but it only came out as a loud moan. It annoyed him that he wasn’t even able to say anything coherent and that little shit knew it, making the king moan even louder like a cheap whore. But it felt so damn good to be claimed by his husband again that he wasn’t even able to be mad at Hephaistion for not giving him any relief. Beside he was sure that there no use in arguing now since he could hear the lust in Phai’s voice.   
“My king…” he breathed out to please his husband and make him forget about that girl from earlier. Hephaistion really had no reasons to be jealous but Alexander knew that it was useless to try to talk to him about it so it was better to just show Phai that he was the only one allowed to have the king in that way.   
“I’m only yours Hephaistion!” He screamed and came hard, his cock untouched. Alexander’s arms almost gave up and he saw white but he still needed to make his lover come so he braced himself on his arms, tightening himself on Hephaistion’s manhood. 

Hephaistion tried to keep his composure up and he was doing a pretty great job, but when he could hear Alexander's voice calling him king, he nearly lost it. He had to close his eyes for a few seconds, the fingers of his left hand grabbing his husband's hip even harder, before he let out the breath he drew in minutes ago, as it felt. The moment he opened his mouth to tell Alexander what a little shit he was, telling him such things that only made him lose his mind, the other man literally took his breath away – Hephaistion was done when he felt Alexander's cock pulsing against his hand when he was coming, hard as it seems.   
Primarily, he wanted to extend their lovemaking but when he felt his husband's body tensing beneath him – and tightening around his own dick – he decided to screw his plans and just let go. And so he did. „You better 'know' that you are only mine“, he panted when he got back to work, fucking his husband with all he got now, only wanting to get off himself. He didn't come pretty fast but it didn't take him long either when he finally felt his orgasm building inside of his body until he let himself feel the pleasure. With a low moan, he came deep inside of his husband, whispering his name as he collapsed on top of him, breathing hard into the other's neck. „Only mine“, he repeated and slipped out of Alexander, before he slumped back on his back, very need for some chaste body contact now. „Are you okay?“, Hephaistion asked after some minutes of heavy silence in which he could only hear their mingling heavy breaths.

When he felt his husband’s hot semen inside of him, Alexander’s arms finally gave up and he fell lifelessly onto the soft bed, trying to catch his breath but Hephaistion’s words weren’t much help in calming him down.   
“I am yours” he said after what felt like ages. The king didn’t even open his eyes but he could feel Phai’s heat close to himself so it was fine. It was good to know that things between them were alright again. It was making Alexander calm inside, less anxious about their future. “Mhh… I am ‘kay” he smiled a bit, feeling Phai’s eyes on him. “I’m actually great.” He added, making himself more comfortable on the bed.  
“What about you?” Alexander turned onto his back and grabbed Hephaistion’s hand and started to pet it with his hand but it more than obvious that his husband felt as amazing as he did from the pleased look on his face. “My king” he added with a soft smile on his face. 

At Alexander's words, Hephaistion couldn't help but smile and pulled his husband closer to himself, satisfying his need to feel the other body right now. He buried his nose in the blonde mane in front of him and inhaled deeply his scent, feeling how it immediately made him feel alright again. No stress deep inside of him, no fear of losing his husband. Not when the latter was lying in his arms.   
„I love it when you call me like that“, Hephaistion confessed with a low voice and smiled again, feeling a bit stupid but he couldn't care less. He was just so happy about being able to lie here with his husband, that some cheesy feelings weren't ruining his mood. He knew that he could be very needy and as well selfish, at least when it came to Alexander because he really wasn't willing to share, not at all, but the way his husband was making him feel was the best thing ever so the only thing he wanted to think about now was him. No problems, no women, no Olympias, no nothing. Only Alexander. „It makes me feel special.“

Alexander turned his head to his lover and opened his eyes, looking straight at Hephaistion’s happy, smiling face. It was a true blessing to see him like this since they didn’t have time to share moments like this too often.   
“It’s because you are special Hephaistion.” He said truthfully, squeezing his hand a bit. He actually wasn’t able to find any better words to describe his burning feelings toward Hephaistion even though he really wanted to let him know how important to him he actually was. But for now it seemed to be okay and it looked like Phai wasn’t thinking about anything else beside them.   
“I am only yours and you are only mine” Alexander added before he placed a soft, loving kiss on Hephaistion’s full lips. “And I will love only you forever.”


	40. Chapter 40

I'm so sorry that there is no new chapter. But I am in no condition to write... I am really sorry for that and I will try to add a new chapter as fast as possible. I love you all ♥


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally! I hope that despite my absence you can still forgive me and that you are waiting for a new chapter :D Hopefully no delays next time :P

Alexander's „forever“ lasted only for two years. Because then, at that point, he found himself a wife. Hephaistion knew that he should be happy about the fact that he at least 'had' those two years of peace and not sharing his husband with anyone but he couldn't help the pain that flared up in his chest the moment his husband told him about his second marriage. He couldn't say a single word, he could only stare at Alexander, who was looking back at him, the discomfort clearly written on his face. And the way he looked at Hephaistion, his body posture and how he kneaded his hands told the young man that this time, this time he really lost. For good. Alexander was fond of that woman – and he wanted her. Hephaistion could see that, he could read it on his husband's face.   
After some moments of silence, Hephaistion nodded and sat down on a chair, before he started to pick up his things. It was time to go and to make room for Alexander's wife. It wasn't up to him anymore to have the place next to Alexander. He knew that it was necessary and he would – probably – get over it at some point, but that didn't mean he wanted to witness any of this. So he quietly packed his things and vanished.   
That was six days ago. Hephaistion didn't see the king since then, he only heard of Alexander planning his wedding. Once, he saw that woman – and the sight made him swallow hard. She was beautiful, a true breathtaking beauty. Hephaistion lost the game. She was of far more beauty then he himself and she could give Alexander a heir. It made him clench his hands into fists whenever he thought about her and the fact that Alexander didn't come to check on him one single time since he left their common dorms was making him feel incredibly sad. He knew it would happen – but he didn't expect it to hurt so much.  
„Phai“, he suddenly heard his name, spoken by a loud and fretful voice. „'m hungry!“ He turned his head and looked down, where Zora was clutching his legs, looking up to him with her huge blue eyes. A small smile formed on his lips when he kept looking at his sister who was more and more resembling his looks the more time passed. Those last two years, she stayed with them – longer than both Alexander and him ever exprected their little princess to stay, but Hephaistion didn't complain and immediately agreed to take care of his sister the moment Alexia told them about her marriage – and fourth pregnancy – one and a half years ago. Hephaistion just realized that this fact blinded him: it made him think that everything would be alright now, that Alexander had everything he needed – but of course he was wrong. So wrong. Alexia came to check on them at least once a month, along with her husband and his little half brother. Even though she came to visit them often, Hephaistion felt as if he had his own little family with Zora and Alexander. Well, that was until six fays ago. Now he felt all alone despite Zora, who was now walking next to him down the hall, holding his hand tightly. It was time for dinner anyway now and since he occupied a small room near the dining hall for himself, he could relax because he knew that he wouldn't meet the king. Nor the queen. 

~ When he was back in his new old dorms, sitting at his desk while writing a letter, Zora happily playig with Kadar on the fluffy carpets he specially bought for her, he was feeling worse than ever. He 'did' meet the king. 'And' the queen. Walking next to each other, Alexander's arm curled protectively around her waist. It hurt him so much to see that, that he needed a second to catch his breath, because this gesture was so inappropriate for a king that Alexander only dared to walk around like this with Hephaistion. But now he found a replacement. But what hurt the most was the fact that Alexander ignored him. He just walked past him and Zora, only looking at him for half a second, before tightening the grip around his soon-to-be-wife. He even managed to ignore Zora's happy cry of his name and the way she stretched her arms out after him, trying to grab his pants, trying to get a little attention from her beloved Alexander. But it had no use – the king didn't even as much as turn around when she started crying. It took Hephaistion quite some time to calm her down, and even if she was playing with Kadar now, laughing, it still hurt to see her puffy red eyes. Hephaistion sighed and rubbed his hands over his face, feeling so desperate like never before. He had no idea what to do now, since he couldn't imagine his life without Alexander – but he knew that he couldn't continue like this either.

Alexander felt like shit but he knew that what he was doing was right even though it was hurting all of the people that he loved. But he was already getting old and he needed an heir as fast as possible since people were already talking and plotting against him behind his back. He was sure of that.   
The Macedonian throne was a catch and being a king of such a great empire was a target for too many of his opponents who desired power. And Alexander couldn’t just simply give it away to someone who wasn’t of his blood. He worked too hard to achieve all that he had now to give it away to someone who would not be able to continue his work.   
But it still hurt him that it had to be done this way. Roxanne was a beautiful woman who he desired but nothing more. He was unable to love her since he already gave his heart to Hephaistion. But it didn’t matter since he needed to make her pregnant as fast as possible so he would at least had a son worth of the throne.   
Still, his conscience was killing him. He was feeling sorry for Roxanne because even though he was a very strong woman and she was going to be treated like a real princess here, there was no use in denying that Alexander made her an incubator for his baby, nothing more. And the king was pretty sure that despite all his efforts to make her feel wanted here, she knew the truth. But at least she wasn’t saying anything about it, still holding her head high and acting like she was supposed to even though Alexander could feel that she was hating him for what he was going to do to her. And he couldn’t blame her.   
Beside it wasn’t his biggest problem.   
Phai.  
Alexander knew that even though they talked about it countless times and that they were ‘prepared’ for it to finally happen, it still made his insides turn around whenever he thought about the look on Hephaistion’s face when he told him that he finally found a wife. The king would literally do everything to change his fate but there was nothing that he could do beside staring helplessly as Phai was slowly vanishing from his life to make room for his new wife.   
This situation was too hard for him to handle but he thought that it was better for Phai to not be around when the king would finally have to…well, impregnate his new wife. Which actually meant betraying his beloved husband.   
And here he thought they he was prepared for it.  
But he wasn’t. Not at all. And the pain was ripping his heart apart when he wasn’t able to see Phai and Zora. They were his family. His real family, which Roxanne would be never able to replace and he didn’t even want her to.   
Sure, he could just go to them but it would only kill him a bit more to see Hephaistion’s pain and Zora’s sad face. This way it was better. They had to wait it up before pushing Roxanne on the side and being a family once again. Hopefully. But Alexander wanted to believe that their love was strong enough to survive all of this. 

~„I don't want to go.“ Zora's pouting face nearly made Hephaistion lose his calm composure he tried to keep up so hard, especially today. It was the evening of Alexander's wedding and he himself 'really' didn't want to go as well. He wanted to get over with this, to sit on his place and wait until Alexander would slip out of his reach for good – and then go. He already agreed with Nevena, who would come as well, even if only for his moral support, that she would take care of Zora that night because she knew that Hephaistion wouldn't be able to do so himself. He planned to get dead drunk and pretend this night never happened. All his hope lay in the sweet oblivion of wine he would hopefully drown in tonight.   
„But I thought you like Alexander so much, Zora. Why are you behaving like this? If he knew that you don't want to see him he would be really sad. Do you want this?“, he asked her in a soft voice even though it hurt him to see Zora's facial expression: torn between wanting to go and hug Alexander and the fear of being rejected again, just like she was in the past few weeks. It wasn't fair that Zora had to suffer at such a young age, she shouldn't even know that a pain like this even existed. That's why he decided to talk to Alexander about that. He had to beg him to stop ignoring Zora. It wasn't her fault, for god's sake. He himself could cope with Alexander's ignorance, but Zora didn't understand the whole situation at all, how could she. It was impossible for him to bear his sister being sad like this and this had to change. As soon as possible.   
„I miss him, Phai.“ Hephaistion just stopped dressing Zora in a cute little dress-like cloth and started to comb her hair when her words made him petrify on spot. His fingers gripped the comb tighter, before he turned her around so he could look into her face and when he saw unshed tears glistening in her eyes he nearly lost it.   
„I know you do, sunshine“, he said and swallowed, trying to swallow past the lump in his throat as he had to be strong, if not for himself then for his little sister. „I miss him, too. But you will see him tonight. So let me finish making you look like the princess you are, alright?“ The way she bowed her head and bit down on her lips made him want to scream.

Nevena stood silently in the doorway, looking at the siblings with sadness in her eyes. She felt like an intruder right now but she felt frozen in the spot. She really shouldn’t be a witness of this scene even though Hephaistion always treated her like his family. But still, they were supposed to meet later but Nevena thought that maybe it would be better for Phai if she would take Zora even before the wedding. Who know how her best friend would react at the sight of his husband with some stupid bitch. Maybe Hephaistion was trying to play it cool and keeping his poker face all the time but Nevena knew him for long enough so she knew how fast that façade would break because of this idiot the king.   
She really shouldn’t think about this moron now because it was making her blood boil again and she already wasted way too much nerves than it was worth. But this time Alexander really crossed the line and she felt a great need to punish him somehow. Castrating him sounded really good but now she had more urging matters.  
“You are a real princess Zora” she said cheerfully, trying to distract her favorite little girl as well as Hephaistion who hadn’t realized her presence here until now. Still, it was clear that he was relieved that he didn’t have to fake a happiness in front of his little sister anymore. “I will take care of you from now on” Nevena added, pinning a small, white lily in her brown, soft hair.   
It wasn’t a perfect solutions since she was sure that Hephaistion needed her care as well right now. Maybe he didn’t actually know that but the girl could already see how this evening was going to end since Hephaistion never were good at drinking. But she hoped that he wouldn’t get any stupid idea and somehow survive this night.   
When he heard his friend's voice, Hephaistion turned around and looked at her with surprise painting his features. „Nevena? What are you doing here?“, he asked quietly, slowly getting up from where he was crouching down in front of Zora, who was giggling now at the girl's sight, her sorrows from before already forgotten. Didn't she say she wouldn't come before the wedding because she had other things to take care of? Hephaistion already prepared to wait in the hall for her, staring down into his cup of wine and trying to avoid the pitying looks of the others he would definitely get. The thought made him swallow, because that was the last thing he wanted: the pitifulness of the others. He shook his head at that, as if trying to get rid of those heavy thoughts and looked from Zora, now in Nevena's arms, up to his friend's face and tried a smile. „Thank you“, he said quietly and slightly touched her shoulder, trying to tell her with his eyes how thankful he 'really' was, because he was quite sure that he wouldn't survive this night. At least his heart wouldn't.

~ Around an hour later, Hephaistion took place in the great hall and stared down at the table. He didn't lift his gaze a single time since he said goodbye to Nevena and Zora, both of them sitting near to the doors since Nevena planned to vanish as soon as possible, only to spare his little sister the sight of a woman next to Alexander. Hephaistion sometimes was scared of her since she shouldn't be that smart for her age, but apparently she already understood that something was wrong, at least when she asked who that woman was, Alexander spent his time for the past few weeks, instead of Hephaistion.   
'This is your place', she once said and stomped with her foot, looking really uncomfortable with the fact that the king tossed her brother aside. And to be honest, that's exactly how it was. Hephaistion was tossed aside like the toy Alexander didn't need anymore. A deep sigh left his body when he felt someone sitting down next to him after pouring some wine into his empty cup and when he looked up, he found Deneris sitting next to him, a small smile on his lips.  
„Cheer up“, his rough voice said and even though he wasn't allowed to sit here as a servant, he apparently didn't care and made himself comfortable. Hephaistion was thankful for his presence, since in the past weeks, he always was there for him, whenever he needed something. Deneris really grew up to his closest friend beside Nevena. But since the girl wasn't living in the palace, he really was glad that he had someone to talk to, someone to hold onto whenever he felt weak. Even though he knew he shouldn't show this side of him, not to anyone, he felt secure with that boy and he knew that he could trust him.  
„I am trying, Deneris“, he answered and placed his hand on the boy's shoulder, squeezing it slightly, before taking a deep gulp from his cup. But when Alexander entered the hall, all of his efforts of cheering up vanished and he could feel how his features wanted to slip; but in the last second, he cought his pokerface and swallowed hard.

Alexander was smiling, trying to pretend that he was happy but his eyes were scanning the room for the face of his beloved one. It already was six weeks since they actually talk to each other and their last conversation wasn’t a very happy one so it was just adding to Alexander’s misery.   
It was really his own fault because he was too big coward to actually go to Hephaistion and talk to him. Beside his husband was visibly avoiding him so Alexander wasn’t sure if any contact between them was now allowed. The king just didn’t want to make his husband anymore miserable so he was staying away even though every day without Phai was a torture.   
But now he needed to pretend that he was happy for the sake of his marriage and his future heir. Although he had doubts now. Maybe it was a bit too late for them but he couldn’t help but had a feeling that he was ruining everything. His marriage and relationship that he created with Hephaistion. Beside without Zora his life was so grey that even getting out of the bed was getting harder and harder since her lovely smile wasn’t welcoming him anymore along with the sunrise. The king was sleeping alone, his bride in the second room connected to Alexander’s dorms but it wasn’t for too long anymore and the blond man was actually afraid of that. He had never shared his bed without anyone beside Hephaistion and just the thought of having a strange person there was wrong.  
Alexander felt so empty and there was no denying to this. That’s why his eyes was searching for the one person that he ever loved but Hephaistion was nowhere to be seen in the sea of guest. Maybe it was actually better because he was sure that his façade would break just at the sight of his lover.   
“Yeah?” Alexander turned his attention to Roxanne who looking at him with annoyed sparkles in her eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t hear everything. Could you repeat it? “ the king smiled, pretending that he didn’t hear a loud sight that escaped his bride’s lips.

Hephaistion couldn't describe the gratitude he felt towards Deneris with simple words. The boy was sitting next to him, not vanishing from his side while his fingertips painted small reassuring circles on his thigh under the table. Without him, he for sure would've already left this hall, because the pain he felt right this moment was too much to bear. Seeing Alexander next to his wife with that smile on his lips nearly broke him, especially when dark thoughts started to flood his mind. This was his place, he should be the one sitting there next to his husband. Or more like, former husband. Since Hephaistion was sure that they wouldn't share a single moment together anymore, at least not like before. Alexander's love for him would for sure vanish soon, at the latest when Roxanne would finally give him a son. He simply wasn't needed anymore. He was a nice waste of time whenever Alexander got bored and now that he didn't need him anymore, the king got rid of him.   
„You know that's not true“, he suddenly heard Deneris voice next to him and when he looked at the boy, he slighty blushed when he realized that he spoke his thoughts aloud. Swallowing, he averted his eyes again and took a big sip out of his cup, feeling how the wine slowly started to make him feel dizzy. Normally, he hated this feeling and never drank too much because he liked to have the full control over himself, but now he was welcoming the haze filling him up. „But it feels like this.“ Hephaistion bit his lip and looked at Deneris again, who stared back at him, concern clearly written on his face as his brown eyes scanned Hephaistion's features.   
~ Alexander's face was way too easy to read. It was making Roxanne furious, that even today, on their 'wedding', he still kept looking for his little whore. She could clearly see it in his eyes. „I said“, she repeated with slightly gritted teeth, „that the food is really delicious.“ Her hand gripped Alexander's fingers a bit tighter while a sweet smile was playing around her lips as she turned herself more into the direction of her new husband, highly visible trying to get her cleavage into his face. She didn't know how, but she somehow had to get Alexander's attention away from Hephaistion. This night was about 'her', not him. What they had was over by now and Roxanne would happily try everything to please the king. At least she was capable of making him fully happy.   
„Do you want more wine?“, she asked sweetly, already pouring some more of the befogging beverage into Alexander's cup, even though she kept observing him and making sure that he didn't drink too much. Alexander still had some duties to fulfill later.   
“Ahh, yes, it is” he smiled a bit wider, trying not to show how much Roxanne was annoying him. “I told to make all your favorite dishes.” He lied. He didn’t know what does his now…wife, liked at all. He didn’t even care so he just ordered all of the things that Hephaistion loved. The king just wanted to show Phai that he still cared and he really hoped that his husband noticed it.   
“No…” Alexander sighted a bit when Roxanne poured another cup of wine for him, not even waiting for his response. “I think I already drink too much and the night is still young.” He said but despite his words he took a big sip from his cup, trying to drown his misery at least a bit in the alcohol. Beside it was better than looking at Roxannne’s pissed off face. 

Nevena looked with worry in her green eyes at Hephaistion who was now sitting with some man that she hadn’t seen before so it was pissing her off that she couldn’t actually assess if it was a bad or a good thing. Phai never had many friends so Nevena was usually aware of them. But this time her senses were tingling but from what she could tell, the man was cheering up Hephaistion and just keeping him company so she was trying to suppress that bad feeling that was bothering her since the begging of the wedding.   
“We are gonna go in a minute honey” Nevena smiled at Zora, who was now eating a sweet flan with honey but she was clearly exhausted since it was already late and she was usually in bed two hours ago. But Nevena really felt the need to keep an eye on Phai since he was in a terrible condition and he was drinking too much for her liking. Sure, he had a reason too but he also shouldn’t forget how easily alcohol was getting into his head.   
“Stay here and don’t move my princess. I’m just going to tell something to Hephaistion and we are going to your room, okay?” She asked and kissed Zora’s head when she nodded in agreement. She was really a sweet child and shouldn’t be treated like a toy, especially by Alexander who always loved her like his own daughter.   
The woman really had no idea what have changed that. But she was pretty sure it was because Alexander was a pure moron.   
“Hephaistion!” Nevena sighted hard after she made her way to her friend with her elbows because a lot of old pricks were too interested in her and she needed to show them that they weren’t even worth to clean the dirt off of her shoes. In a very painful way. Beside there was no way for them to remember her after drinking so much. “Phai, can we talk for a second?”

At first, Hephaistion didn't even realize that Nevena was standing next to him, since his mind was already clouded, the hall full and loud from all the chatter. But as observant as he was, Deneris did notice her and nodded in her direction, so the young man turned around and felt how confusion started to cover his face.   
„What, why?“ He tilted his head to the side, wondering why Nevena was still here. „Shouldn't you... already be gone? And Zora asleep?“, he mumbled, his eyes going wide when the realization hit him. „Zora. Where is she?“ he tried to look past Nevena but nearly lost his balance, when Deneris reached out for him and stopped him from kissing the floor with his face. „Hephaistion, be more careful“, he heard his deep voice, his hands gripping around his upper arms harder, keeping him steady. Hephaistion only batted his hands tenderly away and looked back at Nevena. „What is it?“ 

~ Deneris didn't like how Hephaistion behaved. Or not behaved, more like 'felt'. He was used to a happy young king, carefree and always wearing a smile on his lips, at least in front of him. The way Alexander made him feel now, was unacceptable und unforgivable. He wanted to punch the king right in his face to show him, how damaged Hephaistion was, how he 'suffered'. But, looking over to Alexander with a short glance, the king didn't seem to mind this at all. „Hephaistion“, he said, concerned about his friend, while he kept him steady on his seat, „be more careful.“ Deneris couldn't stand seeing him like this, not when everything inside of him screamed to make him feel better. Hephaistion 'deserved' better, he shouldn't be as miserable as he was now, it just wasn't right. „Maybe you should better go to sleep“, he suggested, looking curious at the young woman who he knew by sight.  
Nevena sighted when Hephaistion almost fell on the floor. Yes. He definitely drunk too much since he couldn’t even sit properly anymore. And here she thought that tonight she was supposed to take care of only one kid. Her life really sucked sometimes.   
“Why? That’s why” she growled, giving him dead looks. Nevena was really aware of how hurt Hephaistion was and how depressing this situation was for him but her friend really should be more careful with alcohol because she just didn’t want him to regret anything in the morning. And not to suffer even more because of his own stupidity. “You shouldn’t have drink so much. And don’t worry about Zora. I promised you to take care of her and I will.” She sighted and looked at Deneris from the corner of her eye. He didn’t seem to be a bad guy and she was pretty sure that he wanted to help Hephaistion but still, she could sense that something bad was about to happen and it was making her really nervous.   
“Yes. Your NEW friend” she looked meaningfully at Hephaistion but from the blurred looks he gave her, she was pretty sure that he didn’t got anything. “is right. You should go to sleep Phai. You really need to clean your head.”

When Nevena was done speaking, Hephaistion eyes glanced over to Deneris who had an approving expression on his face and nodded at his friend's words. What a traitor. „It's not fair... that both of you are agan... against me.“ Slowly, he lifted his eyes and brushed a stray strand of hair out of his face, before he got up with Deneris' help, his hands never leaving the upper part of his body. Hephaistion wouldn't admit that, at least not now, but he was really glad that the boy was here. In his current condition, he wouldn't be able to even stand alone. „Okay“, he murmured then, reaching for his cup nonetheless and emptying it in one go. „I am ready. You're right. Both of you. Good night.“ And with that, he moved past Nevena, looking at her and telling her with his eyes that he really hoped for her that she took good care of his precious little sister. Because otherwise, they would have some serious problems. 

~The moment Hephaistion slumped down on the bed of his dorms, Deneris felt relieved. So he indeed managed to get the young man to bed without any troubles. On their way he really thought that they wouldn't make it, since Hephaistion's mood got worse with every single passing second. They didn't even reach the door of the hall without nearly picking a fight with another guest, who wasn't happy about Phai wanting to leave right past him, even though he definitely did stand in the way. Good thing that he himself didn't drink at all, so he could calm the other man down while holding Hephaistion back, maneuvering him to his room. Now he was standing in front of the bed, unsure about what to do next. He really felt like he wasn't belonging here, like Alexander should be here and support his husband – former husband – whatever – and he felt like an intruder. But he couldn't leave either. He couldn't leave Hephaistion in this state, so he sat down on the edge of the bed, gently caressing the other man's hair. „Do you need anything, Hephaistion?“


	42. Chapter 42

Alexander was laying naked on his huge bed with his young wife long asleep beside him. His body already cooled down and he actually stared to feel a bit cold since the doors to balcony were opened and the chill, night air was filling the room. But he made no move to cover himself. Actually he didn’t make any movement for more than half an hour.   
He felt like shit.  
It was his wedding night and he was supposed to be really cheerful about it. But he wasn’t. Not at all. It just felt so wrong and the king was really disgusted with himself. Sure, this has to be done in order to give him an heir but despite having sex countless times with women, he barely made himself ‘up’.   
Roxanne was a really beautiful woman with an amazing body but Alexander didn’t feel any pull toward her but he still had to make a good face to a bad game so he just fucked her. Yes. Fucked. Because it wasn’t a love making. It was animalistic and without any deep feels. What had to be done was done but Alexander wasn’t happy about it being over.   
With Hephaistion it was never like this. Even when they were really fucking, Alexander could always feel that amazing connection between them and all the love that Phai had for him. And now he felt that he lost it because really, how could they go back to these amazing times when Alexander cheated on his husband. On the only one person who he ever loved and who loved him back unconditionally.   
And now, lying there on the same bed but with the wrong person, Alexander couldn’t find in himself any will to continue this. Even the vision of having a rightful heir wasn’t cheering him up. If only Phai would be here… Alexander was sure that despite that sick situation, his husband would somehow make him happy again. He was always able to do that even when the king thought that it was helpless.   
But Phai wasn’t there and there was no way that he would just come here. Not after what Alezander have done to him. Damn, this time he really didn’t deserve to even look at his beloved Phai but still, he needed to see him. At least once and make sure that he was safe and okay. 

Deneris felt as if someone hit his head with a stone and now he was lying somewhere and dreaming, hallucinating. Because this situation couldn't be real. He opened his eyes and looked down at Hephaistion, who was lying beneath him, his eyes closed and his mouth opened in a silent moan. His lips were slightly swollen from all the hard kisses they shared and a light blush was covering his face and neck.   
When they entered the dorms of Hephaistion, Deneris was sure that he would only take care of the other until he wouldn't need him anymore – and then go to sleep himself. In his own dorms. But when he wanted to leave, Hephaistion reached for his wrist and pulled him back, looking at him with such sad eyes that it made his heart hurt inside of his chest. „Don't leave me“, he said, and his voice sounded as if he had to oppress his tears. „Don't leave me, Deneris. Not you, too.“ He stood there, petrified until Hephaistion got impatient and pulled at his hand. Losing his balance, he fell onto the bed, finding himself face to face with Hephaistion, who didn't waste any second and pulled him closer into a rough kiss. D  
eneris bit his lips when he thought about the next day. Both of them would feel bad, but how was he supposed to say no when Hephaistion begged him, literally 'begged' him to make him forget about his pain? He sounded so desperate that it physically hurt him. That's why he returned the kisses and started to caress Hephaistion's body with tender touches, which he was doing for quite some time now. But he nearly startled when suddenly blurry eyes were staring at him – and he didn't know if it was the wine, lust or tears that covered them.  
„Hephaistion...?“, he asked quietly, his fingers tracing invisible lines over the other's stomach while he observed his face closely. Hephaistion swallowed audibly and when he opened his mouth to speak, Deneris' heart stopped beating for a second, he was sure of that. „Please, make me forget...“, he murmured, covering his face with one arm and Deneris was afraid that he could start crying any second – and he wouldn't be able to take watching Hephaistion cry, because he knew exactly that it wasn't up to him making him feel better. Only one person could do so, or more like, was able to do it until now... „I don't want to feel like this anymore“, Hephaistion continued, „make me feel wanted again... please...“ Deneris swallowed and closed his eyes. He couldn't. This wasn't right. He shouldn't do this, he had no right. But Hephaistion kept talking. „Fuck me.“  
Alexander turned his head to his new wife, checking is she was asleep. he really didn’t need any drama especially that Roxanne was very uptight about him being close to her. All the time. Which was really pissing him off.   
That’s why he slowly and quietly stood up from the bed, not making any sound and praying silently to gods that his new wife was too exhausted to wake up so easily. But it was going really good until Alexander got dressed up. Then he nearly had a heart attack when Roxanne changed position in her sleep.   
“Fuck…” he murmured soundlessly under his breath, looking one last time at the naked girl that was laying on Hephaistion’s side of the bed, not fitting there in any way, and he made his way to the doors. He slowly opened them and sneaked out, glad that his eyes were already used to the darkness. Beside he know by heart the way to Hephaistion’s old dorms so it didn’t took a long time to get there. But before he had time to knock, the sound from insides hit his ears and he felt frozen in the spot. Because it were without doubts Hephaistion’s moans. Alexander knew exactly how Phai sounded when he was fucked but it was impossible. He was living there with Zora and no matter what he wouldn’t do anything nasty in her presence. But then, he heard another’s man loud screams and he was sure that Phai was cheating on him right now. Or even worse, maybe he found a new lover.  
Alexander breathed hard, fury in his eyes. He knew, that things between them weren’t the best over past few weeks but he was sure that afte all the times they talked about it, Hephaistion was doing fine. Beside this state of things wasn’t forever. The king just needed to make a girl pregnant and then everything was supposed to get back to normal. They had a plan. But it seemed like Hephaistion already found someone else to hold him and fuck him. And Alexander couldn’t forgive that.  
With great force, he opened the doors, which slammed loudly against the stone wall.   
“You! How could you!” Alexander roared, looking at the man he didn’t see before that was now slamming hard into HIS husband. The sight made his blood boil in his veins and his vision got red. He just couldn’t take it. It was too much to see the love of his life begin fucked like a whore by someone else. 

Deneris' hands gripped way too tight into the flesh of his hips, but Hephaistion didn't care at all. He was too out of it to realize that it actually hurt, the wine fogging his mind in a pleasurable way while the boy was doing things to him he shouldn't. Things, someone else should be in fact doing. But that someone else has another person for this now and was occupied. There was no more space for him. No place. Not even a bit. Hephaistion cried out in pleasure when the boy managed to hit his prostate and clutched him tighter, closing his eyes as the tears threatened to leave his eyes once again, but he fought them back. He had to be strong, even though he felt as weak as never before in his life. He felt like shit, knowing that he was making a mistake, at least his heart was telling him so with every hard beat in his chest, but his head was screaming against it. He wasn't doing anything wrong. Alexander abandoned him, left him to die, because let's be honest, that was exactly what Hephaistion felt like. Without his husband, he was dying. He needed his presence more than he needed air, he needed his warmth next to him, his eyes on him, he needed Alexander to say his name. To say how much he loved him.   
But those times were over, Hephaistion realized this in the past weeks when his husband didn't even as much as looked at him for a second. As if he was disgusted that he ever wasted his time with this man. Like he wasn't worth it anymore. Hephaistion swallowed thickly past the lump in his throat and screwed his eyes shut tighter. He wasn't doing anything wrong. And he was dead drunk anyways. Wasn't that always Alexander's excuse for everything? 'I was drunk Hephaistion, I didn't mean to' 'I wouldn't have done that otherwise'. Many, many times had he heard those words, way too many times to actually count them. And he forgave the man he loved more than his life every single time. But now it was enough. He could have lift the fact down that he had to share his husband, but his ignorance made it pretty clear to Hephaistion that he wasn't wanted anymore. Alexander had moved on. And now Hephaistion was doing the same. It was only fair to let go of the pain that filled not only his chest but his whole body, an agonizing pain that took his breath away whenever he thought about Alexander, when he heard his voice in his head or saw his smile. It was over.   
Hephaistion let go of Deneris' shoulders and slumped back into the pillows, arching his back as he could feel how the other man came deep inside of him with the hoarse shout of Hephaistion's name on his lips. Hephaistion himself came only seconds later, his fingers buried into the sheets and cried out a name as well and it wasn't Deneris', the same moment the door got ripped open with a loud thud. He turned his face into the direction and felt how Deneris' body grew stiff on top of him and how a gasp left his throat, but Hephaistion couldn't as much as move a single finger. He could only stare at his former lover who was standing in the door now, breathing hard and an expression on his face that Hephaistion couldn't read now, that he couldn't understand. Why was he here? Shouldn't he be with his wife now, making her happy just like he used to do with Hephaistion himself? The latter hissed when Deneris pulled himself out of his body way too quickly, the comfortable haze his lust brought vanished in an instant. Slowly, Hephaistion sat up and focused his gaze on the king, ignoring the uncomfortable feeling of his own come drying on his stomach. „What are you doing here?“

Alexander thought that he was going to explode. How his husband dared to ask him about what he was doing there when he was right in the middle of cheating on him. Another man was fucking him roughly when until now no one beside Alexander was allowed to that. And the knowledge that no one touched Hephaistion like this was making the king feel really good. But not anymore. He just wondered from how long Hephaistion was fucking behind his back.  
“What I AM doing here?! I am your fucking husband! I have the very right to be here!” Alexander roared, looking at Hephaistion with hurt and madness in his eyes. He just wasn’t able to think clearly anymore. In a situation like this, when he was losing himself in his anger and fury, he knew that he should go away and clear his mind a bit because it wouldn’t end up good for anyone. But he couldn’t just let it go now. No when Hephaistion was being fucked by another man. It was just too much for him to bear right now.  
“What is he doing here?! How long was he fucking you?!” The king caught a sword that was laying on the table and finally looked at Deneris who seemed to be really scared of king’s fury. Good. Very good. He should be afraid because Alexander was going to kill that fucker.   
“No one is allowed to touch my husband” he hissed, coming closer to the naked man, whose erection was quickly fading but the Phai’s come on his stomach was enough to make Alexander even more angry because that fucker made his husband come. It was unforgivable and he just needed to get rid of him.  
„No, you don't.“ Hephaistion's voice was calm when he reached for his pants that were lying in front of the bed and slowly pulled them over his legs. „You don't have any right to be here.“ He lifted his eyes and looked at Alexander, trying hard not to let his feelings show on his face but he wasn't sure if it was working in his favor. But it had to work because he was determined not to show his hurt feelings in front of the king anymore. He wasn't allowed to. He was on his own from now on.   
„My husband? Really?“, Hephaistion echoed and laughed bitterly. The wine in his system made him more audacious than it was healthy for him, but he didn't care. „My husband wouldn't have tossed me aside weeks ago. He wouldn't have ignored me completely.“ He put a hand on Deneris' arm who was visibly shaking by now, as if to tell him that there wasn't a single reason to be afraid. „But you know what“, he slurred and got up from the bed, his eyes locked with Alexander's,   
„I don't care anymore.“ He was lying, he knew it, but right now wasn't the time to think about how hurt he was, how miserable he felt in the last weeks. At Alexander's question, he snorted. „Really? This is none of your business anymore.“ Hephaistion didn't know from where the anger suddenly was coming from that was now filling his whole body. But he didn't mind, since it was better to face the king like this than to break down in front of him. And he was afraid that he would, in the end, because his heart was screaming for him so loud that Hephaistion nearly screamed himself. When Alexander took that sword into his hands, Hephaistion stretched his arm out and blocked Alexander's way to the bed.  
„Are you fucking serious right now? I can't believe how selfish you are behaving“, he spat out, a furious glim in his own eyes as he was staring at the man he once loved so much. „You won't touch a single hair of him, let me tell you this, Alexander.“ He didn't turned around when he could practically hear how Deneris was shifting on the bed, trying to get as far away from the king as possible and the fact that the normally so fearless boy was now so scared, only added to Hephaistion's fury. „And now get out. These are my dorms.“

“I didn’t fucking toss you! You knew that I had to do this! We talked about it countless times!” Alexandeer screamed, looking at Hephaistion like he was seeing a ghost. All his attention was now on Deneris who dared to even touch his husband. The king didn’t even care that Hephaistion was standing in the way. He just pushed his lover away who fell off the bed onto the hard floor with a soundless scream.  
“There is no forgiveness for you” he hissed and swung his sword, aiming for Deneris’ head but in the last moment he was pulled back and his blade cut only Deneris’ side. It wasn’t much, given that it was clear that the cut, even though it was deep, wasn’t going to kill the man since he quickly stood up and got as far as possible from Alexander, keeping a hand on his bleeding skin and breathing hard.   
“Why are you protecting him?!” Alexander turned around, still feeling that Hephaistion was pulling his clothes to keep him away from his new lover. Did he really have no shame? Even now, when he was caught red handed, he was still trying to make Alexander dance to what he was playing. But he wouldn’t fall for this anymore. He was going to kill that man even if this would kill him as well. 

„You are such a bastard, Alexander! I accepted the fact that you would have to marry her, but I didn't accepted to being ignored like this!“ With a hard pull, he brought Alexander to the ground next to him, where he straddled his lap. „You didn't even 'look' at me for weeks, you asshole! Do you really think I would just take it and swallow it? Do you really think I would just take it?“ Hephaistion roared when Alexander dared to lift his arm in which hand he still kept the sword with a tight grip and without thinking about it he snapped his wrist into the opposite direction until the king groaned in pain. Hephaistion's eyes snapped up and searched for Deneris, checking him if he was okay. Besides his pale face and the blood gushing through his fingers which he still kept pressing against his side, he seemed to be okay. Good for Alexander.   
„Get out of here“, he hissed and turned his back on Deneris, „and go see a healer. Now.“ He had to take care of Alexander on his own and he definitely wouldn't allow him to hurt him. When the boy finally made a move after standing still for some seconds, Hephaistion slapped the sword out of Alexander's hands and took it in his own, getting off of him. „Deneris is my friend“, he spat and took some steps back, standing between the door and his former lover now so that he wouldn't be able to run after the boy. „He was there for me when you ignored me, when you even ignored 'Zora', who doesn't have the slightest idea what was going on. I tried so hard, Alexander. I managed to survive the first week of your ignorance, then the second. But this? Six weeks, Alexander. Six weeks!“ He breathed hard and shook his head, the pain in his heart threatening to overwhelm him. „Besides I have the same rights as you. I can do whatever I want to, I don't owe you anything, not after how you treated me. I am a king as well, Alexander, and I have my pride.“

“I wasn’t ignoring you for fuck’s sake! You just packed your things and went away without a single word so I thought that you wanted it to be like this! I promised you that things would go back to normal as fast as she will get pregnant. I don’t want to have anything to do with her anymore. You are the only one I love and you know this Hephaistion!” Alexander got up as well and tossed the sword aside. He would still have time to kill this fucker later. There was no way to hide from the king.   
But yes, Hephaistion was right about Zora although Alexander was trying to keep her away only beacsue of Roxanne. It was hurting him to not be able to spend so much time with his little girl but the faster this show would be over, the faster things would be back to normal. But now he wasn’t so sure about it since it was visible that Hephaistion already replaced him. Sure, Alexander didn’t have any doubt that the situation with Roxanne was hurting his beloved husband but they had a deal.   
“I trusted you Hephaistion. And I was stupid to believe that despite everything, despite the fact that I had to fuck this woman, our love is enough to survive this. But I guess I was wrong.” He sighted and closed his eyes for a moment, breathing hard. He really needed to calm himself down because his boken heart was still beating madly in his chest. 

„You weren't ignoring me? Then please explain all those occasions where you just walked past me, no matter if at the dinner, or supper, or just when I was walking down the hall or crossed the yard? Everytime Alexander, everytime you didn't even look at me and don't pretend that you didn't see me or that you didn't hear Zora crying everytime you broke her heart with your ignorance. You didn't care. 'I' could take it, at least in the beginning, but watching how my sister suffered because of this situation made it unbearable for me. But still, instead of at least 'once' ask her, how she feels, if she's alright or how she's doing, you ignored her. I am not speaking about me now, I am already broken, but Zora really loves you Alexander, she loves you with all the love she holds in her little heart but you broke it. So don't speak of love yourself, Alexander.“ Hephaistion took a deep breath, trying to calm his heart down after his speech and looked away. He couldn't look at the man in front of him anymore, it just hurt too much. The whole situation was so fucked up that he could practically feel that it was over, but it didn't shock him that much since he already knew it. He knew for a long time that it wouldn't work out. That's why he didn't even feel bad about what happened with Deneris. Maybe he should, but he only did the same as Alexander, with the difference that he only did it once, and he knew that it wouldn't happen again.   
Hephaistion only wanted Alexander, he wasn't interested in touching anyone else, so it definitely wouldn't happen again, even if the king would never as much as look at him again. But Deneris helped him to get over this night. He wasn't sure what he would have done if he had been alone in his dark room, thinking about Alexander with his wife and being all alone with his dark thoughts.   
„This isn't about trust anymore, Alexander“, he continued and could hear himself how weak his voice sounded. He just couldn't take it anymore. It was too much, standing right in front of this man and yet being so far away from him. „This is about your hurt pride that someone touched me, that someone wanted me, that someone took your place. Let me tell you something: I know that feeling way too well. But I don't see why you should get angry: you fucked her, he fucked me. I don't see why I should just sit and wait until you fucked your precious wife often enough and then being allowed to crawl back into your bed after you tossed her pregnant existence out of it.“ Hephaistion lifted his hand and covered his eyes as he turned away from Alexander, a sudden head ache breaking out like a storm in his head. „I just did the same thing as you. But I only did it once.“  
“Oh yes. That’s great. So now you are telling me how much it hurts you that I have a wife now. You were fine with it at the begging. You knew that I had to do this. I had no other choice so don’t guilt trip me about this now.” Alexander hissed, feeling his anger boiling once again in his veins. It wasn’t fair. They had a deal that Hephaistion agreed to so he shouldn’t be mad about this now.   
“It’s always about you. You always think about you. And you never ever tell me that something is wrong. I always need to dig in. you could just have come to me and tell me how you feel but no, your pride was hurt and your heart was broken because only you have a heart that can be broken.” The king rearranged his clothes, making himself ready to go. He really didn’t want to hear anymore of this bullshit from Hephaistion mouth. If he really thought that Roxanne was more important than him, even afater all this years of their relationship, then Alexander had nothing to do there.   
“So yes. Go on. Fuck everyone in this palace if you want to. Hurt me as much as I ‘hurt’ you. At least I wasn’t doing anything behind your back.” And yes, it hurt him that now he wasn’t Hepahistion’s only one but he couldn’t go on like this anymore. He was really trying his best for his husband for all those years only to dumped in the end like this. Like all they had wasn’t worth a single fuck. 

„I can only repeat myself“, Hephaistion said as he sat down on a chair at the table, his face hidden in his hands. „I was fine with you getting wife. I wasn't fine with you forgetting about Zora and me.“ All of his strength abandoned his body in one go and his anger vanished like a breath he let out. All that was left was his weak body, he felt like an empty shell. „It was never about me, Alexander. Never. I took everything you did and said and gave me without complaining or verbalizing my hurt, that's true. But only because I know how much burden you have loaded on your shoulder – and I wanted to spare you to hear about my concerns so your burdens would even grow. I always stood beside you, I gave you encouragment in every single situation. I was always there, trying to make you happy and feel good, even if that meant to swallow down my pride or forget about my own happiness. And you say it's all about 'me'?“ Hephaistion didn't even lift his head to look at Alexander, because he didn't want him to see the tears that were burning in his eyes by now. How could Alexander dare to say something like this. It was never about him, it was always about Alexander's happiness, Hephaistion did everything to make him happy. But when Alexander spoke his next words, the young man's heart stopped beating in his chest.   
Stunned, he stared at the table in front of him, trying to catch up and digest what he just heard. Alexander couldn't be serious. He couldn't have said those words for real now. If his heart had been broken before, Alexander for sure ripped it out of his chest now. Slowly, he finally lifted his head and looked at the man standing in the middle of the room, obviously ready to get out of here – and Hephaistion didn't even heave the strength to keep him from doing so. „  
So this is what I am for you“, he said quietly, his words not even a question. „A whore.“ He closed his eyes and turned his face away, his heart was beating madly at this point. 'Fuck everyone in this palace if you want to' As if that was what he wanted. Alexander should know better. He should know that he was the only one for Hephaistion, that he only lived because of the king since he was the air he breathed. But this, this was too much. A sad chuckle left his body when he stared with empty eyes at the floor in front of him, holding the tears back with his last willpower. „Maybe you are right“, he whispered as he got up.   
„I heard this once before, years ago, but if even you are implying this... then it has to be true.“ Hephaistion took a deep breath and tried to smile, but he knew he failed when he couldn't hold back anymore. He wiped over his eyes and laughed, clearing his throat and facing away when he could feel Alexander's eyes on him. „I know that I am pathetic, don't worry, I will go in a second.“ Whereto, he didn't know. But he for sure would figure out something. Maybe someone will let him into his bed for the night. A bitter smile formed on his lips at this thought, before he slowly pulled the ring off his finger that didn't leave his side for all those years since Alexander gave it to him at the evening of their wedding.   
„I guess I don't need this anymore“, he said, his voice barely a whisper, before he put the ring on the table. A whore shouldn't wear such a thing, not when he aspersed Alexander's glory with wearing it. He could hardly breathe by now and his vision was all blurry from all the unshed tears, but he knew that there wasn't a way out of this situation now. It was over, Alexander made it clear what he thought of him – and it was the worst pain Hephaistion ever experienced.   
„I pray to the gods that Roxanne will give you a healthy son, my king“, he said as he dropped his head and turned around. Every single fibre of him screamed with the want of at least touching his former lover's hand, because he was sure that this was the last time he saw him like this, but he didn't dare to. It wasn't his right anymore. So instead of keeping to stand in front of him and humiliate himself any further, Hephaistion walked out of the room without another single word and left his shattered heart behind.

Alexander watched as Hephaistion was taking off his wedding ring and he wasn’t able to move a single muscle. He was just standing there like a pole, unable to do anything because this was a really low blow that he didn’t expect at all.  
Beside… was this really over? After all they have been thought, their ups and downs when no matter what, no matter what life had thrown at them, they were able to fight it together and still find happiness. So why this time was different? Why weren’t they able to find this burning love between once again?  
It really hit Alexander. He would be able to really forgive anything. Literally anything but not this. Not even Hephaistion’s betrayal hurt so much as him giving back this ring.   
Alexander knew that he wasn’t saint and that he acted like an asshole. He really shouldn’t treat neither Hephaistion or Zora like this. They were his family but he really needed to fulfill his duties as a king. And it really was temporary…  
“Fuck you…” he murmured quietly when Hephaistion left the room without even looking at Alexander or letting him say something. Just like always. His best strategy was always to run away from problems and making Alexander the bad guy. Could he for once look a bit further than to the tip on his own nose and finally see that the king was really trying to make him as happy as possible? Beside he really wasn’t fond of his new marriage. It was eating him from inside and it was really hard for him to deal with this alone but he understood Hephaistion’s need to be far from it so he just gave him space when all he wanted was his husband in his arms. But it seemed like he didn’t have a husband anymore.   
“Fuck you!” Alexander screamed, feeling his rage build up once again. How could Hephaistion do this to him? How could he leave him just like this?   
The king fell on his knees, trying to contain his emotions but hot tears were flowing down his cheeks on their own and it was no way to stop them. He just lost the love of his life. For good. And he felt like dying.


	43. Chapter 43

The night was cold and the chilly wind messed with his hair as Hephaistion was sitting in the garden, unmoving. In fact, he haven't moved once since he came here, hours ago, after he left Alexander behind, closing the door in his back with a final thud. He shut his brain of that moment and everything he did was on autopilot, his mind was blank and his heart dead. He couldn't even remember what he did, since his body wasn't functioning anymore. With empty eyes, he was staring holes in the air, the wind tugging at his hair while goosebumps covered the upper part of his body, but he didn't feel the cold. He felt nothing at all. His legs were pulled a bit to his body, so that he could rest his chin on his knees, making himself as small as possible, his hands lying uselessly next to him.   
Faintly, he realized that they were still hurting and without looking he knew that they were bloody. Like a faint memory, he could remember that he passed a guarding general on his unconscious walk through the palace. The man greeted him and apparently it was obvious that he felt like shit, because the other's expression changed immediately to a pitiful one and when he started to address him as 'his majesty', Hephaistion snapped. He knocked him out fast and without any chance for the poor man to defend himself, staring down at his senseless body. „I am not your majesty anymore“, he murmured and hit the stone wall with his fist, welcoming the hot pain that flared up in his hand the exact moment.   
After that, his memories broke down again but he guessed that his torture wasn't done with only one punch against the wall, telling how his bloody knuckles looked like. Hephaistion took a deep, ragged breath and closed his eyes, clenching his hands into fists only to feel the pain again. It was distracting him from the thoughts he had in his mind, kept him sane. Pain was his own anchor not to lose his mind and he needed any anchor he could get, now, that he lost his heart. When he opened his eyes again, Hephaistion could feel the tears stinging in his eyes once again. It was over. He lost everything and now he didn't know what to do. The guard's words were playing in his mind on repeat, over and over again, and it only made him realize that he in fact was nothing. He wasn't a king anymore, even though it always felt odd to think of himself as one, he lost his every right to be here and Alexander thought as much as of a whore of him. It was pathetic.   
An oppressed sob jolted through his body and he felt the cold wind on the hot patterns of the tears painting his cheeks. But he didn't try to stop them, he was more like surprised that he had the strength left to cry. For a brief second, he wondered how Deneris was doing, if he was fine, and he knew that he should at least check on him, but he couldn't bring himself to stand up. He just wanted to sit here forever until time would turn him into stone. The next time he opened his eyes, he could faintly see the sun coloring the early morning sky.

Deneris' shocked eyes haunted him even now, hours later, as he was in the stables and getting Deucalion ready for his trip. 'I am leaving, and you should leave, too', he said to him, after it took him the whole morning to finally go to see him. Those few hours, sitting in the cold and dark garden, surrounded by complete nothingness, Hephaistion had a hard time thinking about what to do with his life from now on and he came to the conclusion that his life at the palace was over and that he had to vanish – now.   
That's why he went straight to his dorms to dress himself in the most frugal clothes he possessed and took his time to write four letters. The first one was addressed to Nevena, in which he begged her to take care of Zora, at least until Leander would come to the palace. He was sure that she would, she would do everything for this little girl and he knew how much she loved her. It broke the last remains of his heart that he had to leave her behind, but he didn't know where his journey would take him and it was the best for her to stay in her familiar surroundings. Hephaistion would come back at some point. He was sure of that.   
He wrote the second letter to Leander, not telling him what was going on, only saying that something bad happened and he that he immediately had to come as soon as this letter reached him. He knew his brother and he knew as well that words wouldn't convince him, that's why he counted on Leander's caring heart and curiosity. The third one was for Deneris, in which he asked for his forgiveness, because still, after all, it was his fault that the boy was hurt – and that he had to leave, because he was sure that Alexander wouldn't leave it like that. Deneris would be safe when he would find himself another place to stay and the best thing was to never ever face Alexander again. Hephaistion had the same plan for himself.   
The fourth and last one – well, he should be for Alexander. It was the longest letter of all and he couldn't hold back his tears while writing it because he poured all of his heart into it, but he couldn't bring himself to give the page this letter. He handed the boy the letters, but hid the one for Alexander in his room where he was sure that no one would find it. It was embarrassing to splay his feelings out like this and the fact that the parchment was stained and crumpled wasn't making it any better. Hephaistion sighed as he lashed his few belongings onto Deucalion without hurting him and caressed his strong neck. He only took his personal things with him, no spare clothes, no food. He didn't want to waste anymore of Alexander's belongings since he already destroyed enough. „Time to go, my boy“, he whispered and leaned his head against Deucalion for a second, before he lead his stallion out of the stable without as much as a single glance into the direction of the palace.

Alexander was sitting in his dorms for three days straight without seeing anyone or talking to anyone. He even kept his young wife at bay, not even carrying to explain anything to her. But it seemed that Roxanne grasped the idea that the king should be alone now because for once she wasn’t trying to argue or talk to him against his will. Although it was visible that she wasn’t very happy about this situation, especially that it all happened after their wedding night so she didn’t even have time to make herself properly happy about the fact that she was a queen now.   
The king truly wasn’t giving a single fuck about what was going on around him. All he was doing was sitting on his bed and toying with Hephaistion’s ring, the one he left before his disappearing.   
Yes, Alexander knew that early in the morning Hephaistion left the palace but no one noticed until Nevena started to look for him because Zora was crying for her older brother.   
Zora…  
Alexander really missed his little girl but he wasn’t brave enough to actually go and see her. Beside what would he tell her? That her brother was gone because of him? And he was pretty sure that he already done enough damage to his little princess after weeks of avoiding her. Hephaistion was right, she was just a child and she didn’t understood it completely or probably not at all since no one explained it to her. Alexander didn’t even try to imagine what was she going through and the worst was probably just to come since no one know where Hephaistion actually was.   
The king was praying hard all the time for him to be alright. Usually he didn’t care this much about religion and gods, only doing the things he needed to do, but now he was up to take any help just to have Phai safe. It was all that mattered now and after hours of sitting there and thinking, after his emotions cooled down, he knew that he stepped too far. They both were idiots for not telling each other how they truly felt and this time they really made things bad but Alexander knew he should have at least try to stop Hephaistion but not by killing his lover. It really hurt his pride to see his husband with someone else but reacting this way was wrong. The past few weeks were wrong but sadly he couldn’t go back in time and make things better.   
Still, even though he knew all of this, he was still sitting here uselessly, looking how sunrises were reflecting in the crimson stone of Hephaistion’s ring. He knew that he should do something, anything but he couldn’t even move from his spot, the parlaying fear of losing his only love was making him dumb. The king just couldn’t take it all. Not without Hephaistion.

 

It was cold, the place was foreign and strange and he was hungry. Long story short: Hephaistion was completely lost. After he left his home behind him, he didn't give Deucalion any instructions, he allowed his faithful friend to lead him wherever he wanted to go. But apparently, this was a huge mistake, because the young man had no idea where he was by now. He didn't even know which day it was or how much time exactly has passed since he ran away. Because that's what he did: he ran away like a pathetic coward. But he couldn't help himself, since he couldn't even bear the single thought of being near Alexander, not after everything that happened and especially not after what has been said.   
A deep sigh left Hephaistion's throat as he moved Deucalion to halt, somewhere in the middle of nothingness. „I have no idea where we are, Duke“, he murmured and patted Deucalion's rump after he took his bag off of him. „And I have no idea what to do, either. Maybe you should go back, hm? At least you should have a nice life, the best fodder for you and a dry and safe place to sleep... and I am sure you would find your way back.“ Hephaistion laughed as his horse nudged his shoulder with its head before he sat down on the grass and bit into an apple while Deucalion started to sniff the green grass himself. He really was pathetic and apparently he was slowly losing his mind when he was already talking to a horse, but what could he do? Deucalion's company was keeping him sane since he knew that the stallion was loyal and would never leave his side. But of course, it wasn't the same. „I miss him“, he murmured to himself and closed his eyes, lying down on his back. „I miss all of them.“


	44. Chapter 44

The situation was getting worse and worse with every passing day even thought Alexander finally, on the fourth day, got himself to do something and sent a search party after Hephaistion. But still, there was not a slightest sign of him and apparently he wasn’t so far stopping anywhere because no one had seen him which was really the young king. But Phai was strong, Alexander had more than one occasion to ascertain himself about it, so he was probably alright, maybe avoiding public places on purpose, knowing that sooner or later someone will start looking for him.   
But the atmosphere in the palace was really heavy and everyone was trying to get as far as possible from the king. Only Zora, who was finally allowed to be once again close to Alexander, was using this opportunity to spend all her time with her brother’s husband. And where was Zora, there was Nevena, who was still taking care of his little girl and refusing to just give herself a break. Well, Alexander didn’t even say anything about it, fully knowing that he didn’t have any right but he could feel the holes that Nevena was burning in his back with her sight. Still, he was humbly taking it all without single word of complain. In the end, he fully deserved that and even more. But the king was glad that the girl wasn’t at least asking him questions about what happened or blaming him all the time because he already was badgering himself enough.  
Also Leander was coming to the palace so Alexander was expecting him to be mad even though he didn’t know how much Hephaistion’s brother actually knew. But even if he didn’t know what was this all about, he was quickly going to find out and the king could bet that Lean won’t be happy about it. Nevertheless, Alexander hoped that maybe Leander would have more luck with guessing where Hephaistion was because it were already 5 days since he disappeared and Zora was crying for him every night which was making Alexander’s heart break in two.  
If there was one thing that Leander hated more than anything else, it were cryptic words. They made him furious and whenever someone used them to tell him something, let it be written or verbally spoken, he was losing his shit. He hated it when someone couldn't tell him right in his face what was going on and now even his little brother dared to use it against him, even though he knew how much he hated it.   
Leander didn't even take his time to read the letter twice, he immediately packed his most important stuff and went straight to the stable. 'I beg you with the last honor that's left for me, to please go and take Zora back home and if not, to at least be there for our little sister since I am not in the position to do so anymore'. The man gritted his teeth as he commanded his horse to move faster, the palace already in sight. What in the name of the gods happened that Hephaistion left the palace? He knew that it was his home so he didn't get why he should abandon everything and leave without even telling him his reasons. It wouldn't be a problem at all, he thought, since Hephaistion was a grown man, a king, and could decide what he wanted to do or not. But what made him react in an instant and go for his horse was the fact, that his brother left Zora behind. And that was something he would never do, not under any normal circumstances – so something really bad had happened.   
His heart clenched at the thought of Zora, all alone in the palace without a single relative in her surroundings. How could Hephaistion do something like this? He was sure that his brother took care of someone to look after her, but still, leaving her like this... he just hoped that his brother was alright.   
Leander straightened his back when he finally made it to the stables, giving his horse away to one of the stable boys, asking another servant where he could find the king – because Alexander was the only one who would know what was wrong with his little brother, he was sure of that. He 'had' to know. Alexander was his husband and Hephaistion was so madly in love with him, that there couldn't be any other way. He followed the servant who led the way and when they finally reached the room in which Alexander currently was in, Leander took a deep breath. It was weird to see him after all this time, since the last time he came to visit his brother was already some months ago, but still, a small smile found its way onto his face. „Alexander, it's nice to see you again.“ He slightly bowed – he still was his king after all, no matter if they were related by marriage by now or not – and looked around his room. „Hephaistion's words led me to you, as you may know, and I would like to ask you, what is wrong with him? Where is my sister? He asked me to come for her.“

Alexander looked up from the report of hunting teams, frowning because the hunters he sent after Hephaistion shouldn’t be back so early and Zora was eating supper with Nevena. Beside that no one dared to interrupt him and the guards shouldn’t let anyone in. But he wasn’t very surprised to see Leander even though he completely forgot about his coming while he was reading these useless reports that weren’t telling him anything new, which was only making him more angry.   
The king actually tried to smile a bit but he really couldn’t bring himself to do this even if only for a show. He was too tired after all those sleepless nights and days spent on searching for Hephaistion. But he stood up and shook Leander’s hand who seemed to be a bit shocked at the sight of Alexander’s poor state.   
Alexander sighed and with a gesture of his hand he showed his guest to sit down. This conversation really wasn’t going to be nice but Leander needed to know and the king was respecting that.  
“Don’t worry about Zora. She is safe and now eating. But I don’t know where is your brother Leander.” The blond man looked outside the window and back to his guest. It was staring to get late and still, not a single information about his beloved Phai. 

„What do you mean, you don't know where he is?“ Leander's voice sounded confused, a frown built on his face as he sat down and leaned forward, his eyes fixed on Alexander who wasn't looking at him. „You 'have' to know where he is. I can't believe he left without telling you about his whereabouts?“ This wasn't like Hephaistion, not at all. He would never leave his husband without informing him, and he 'definitely' wouldn't leave his sister just like this. So something really bad happened. But what, if even Alexander didn't know? Leander opened his mouth to ask him something, but then the realization hit him and he closed his mouth shut again as he stood up from his seat, narrowing his eyes. Hephaistion vanished and Alexander didn't know where he went to. Alexander let him go without knowing where he wanted to go.   
„Alexander“, he growled and braced himself with his hands on the table, while he could feel how a faint rage started to build itself deep inside of him. It calmed him down that Zora was fine, it really did, but even if Hephaistion could take care of himself, he still was his little brother and he worried for him. Even though if, maybe, he shouldn't, since Hephaistion always hated to be treated like an egg, but he couldn't help himself. Hephaistion was missing and it was his duty as his older brother to at least 'trying' to get him back. „What happened? Hephaistion would never leave you in the dark, not you. So tell me, 'what have you done'?“

Alexander sighted hard and finally looked back at Leander. That was exactly what he was expecting but still, having again someone to make him reminder of all the bad stuff he had done wasn’t nice and was only making him more nervous. Leander’s pretentious tone was also a great disrespect toward him but he kept his calm composure.   
“Calm down Leander. Arguing won’t help us in finding a solution to this problem. Beside if Hephaistion didn’t tell you about what had happened then he didn’t want you to know. The only thing that you should be aware of is that in the past few weeks we didn’t get along and we parted our ways because of a lot things. But he practically run away not telling where he would go to and I didn’t see him for almost a week. That’s why I hoped that maybe you would know where he could go.” Alexader said in a calm voice, looking at Leander with a poker face, hoping that the man would get the idea of how hard the situation was and that he would help him instead of arguing even more. 

Leander narrowed his eyes at Alexander's words and observed his face closely. Something big seemed to be in the bushes and it was clear that the king wouldn't tell him what was going on and what happened in the past, that made Hephaistion leave.   
His eyes still on the blond man, he sat down again, bracing his elbows on his knees. „Hephaistion would never 'run away'. This isn't like him. Especially without telling anyone anything. I can't believe that he didn't say a single word to you.“ He knew how much his brother loved the man who was sitting in front of him now and when Leander took a closer look at him, he could see the sorrow on his face, the weariness in his eyes. Somehow, something like pity for the king filled his body and his own expression got softer and he leaned back in his chair, rubbing his hand over his face. „I have no idea what he is thinking or feeling. If I had an idea of what happened, then I could maybe try to look into his head and make a guess... but like this... It's just so – untypical, you know.“ A sigh left his body and he could feel how he got smaller in the chair, his shoulders slumping down. He was really worried for Hephaistion now and apparently the situation was way more serious than Leander expected it to be.

Alexander looked closely at Leander, thinking about how much he could actually give out since he was rather sure that his husband’s brother won’t be much of a help now. So the last spark of hope to get on Phai’s trail died in the king.   
“I don’t know how much I should tell you Leander” he admitted honestly, leaning back in his chair. “This is really nothing nice neither easy for me to tell about it…” Alexander looked at his documents, being silent for a little longer and thinking carefully about his next words. “You know that I needed to take a wife” he sighted and when Leander nodded, the blond man continued. “But for the six weeks of engagement we barely saw each other. It was mostly my fault since I was too busy with Roxanne and too stupid to talk to Hephaistion. Beside I thought that he wanted to stay away for that time. But I was wrong. Phai was alone and in the end, on my wedding night, he slept with a servant. I got mad and told him a few not very nice things. That’s why he disappeared in the morning without any word.” Alexander sighted again and looked back at Leander, trying to read from his expression what was the other man thinking about it.

All strength left Leander's body as he heard the words that he could hardly believe. Hephaistion cheated on Alexander? How was that possible? His brother, Hephaistion, who was so madly in love with the king that he didn't even as much as looked at someone else since he, in fact, came to the palace 'cheated on his husband'?   
Flabbergasted, he scratched his head and leaned back, keeping his mouth closed with his last willpower because he could feel his jaw wanting to meet the floor. „I... I am sorry to hear that, I guess.“ He could hardly believe that. Hephaistion wasn't the type for doing so. If he really did sleep with another person, then he really had to feel alone. Leander bit his lip and started to think about where his little brother could have vanished to, but he had no idea. He remembered one place his brother ran to, years ago, when he felt... not that good, but Leander couldn't imagine that it was as worse like this. „A few not very nice things, huh...“ He leaned his head back, staring at the ceiling, as a sigh left his body. 'Hephaistion, where in the gods names are you?'

“Yes… I was just angry Leander” Alexander said in a soft voice, looking at his hand where he was carrying Hephaistion’s ring, trying to sort his thoughts that were cumulating in his tired head. “When I saw him with some other man… I lost all the control of myself and I called him names. I really hurt him but back then I was so mad you can’t even imagine it Leander. I just love him so much that I am unable to live without him.” The king closed his eyes for a moment, calming himself down. Whenever he thought about the possibility of losing his beloved husband, his heart was beating madly and he felt like another part of him was dying. And it was getting worse with every day without his Phai. 

„I know that these are two things that you probably can't fully compare, but I guess now you know how he had to feel for those past weeks.“ Leander sighed, keeping his eyes on the ceiling. He could only imagine how Alexander felt now but hearing those things somehow made him understand Hephaistion's reaction. And if the king really said some things that weren't nice... „I think he is afraid of losing you. It has to be hard for him, because now, he really has to... share you. And I know how much he loves you and how much he cares about you. That's why he didn't get in your way and kept away from you, I guess. Sadly, he was left alone in the end.“ Leander felt sorry for his brother. Sorry, that he had so many problems, sorry that he chose Alexander. Because with someone else, he for sure would be happier and his heart wouldn't get broken like this. „I just hope that he is fine. You never know what he has in his head.“

Alexander nodded his head, already knowing all these things. After all he had a lot of time for thinking and he came up to this conclusion as well – Hephaistion was jus alone and heartbroken since he needed to share his husband. And Alexander himself was an asshole for him during all this time so he really had all the rights to blame himself.   
“So you really don’t know where he is…” Alexander more stated than actually asked even though he had such a hope that maybe Leander will be actually able to help him in finding his brother. But it was all hopeless. It really seemed that Hephaistion was swallowed by the ground because there was no way that so many men, that the king sent after him, were unable to find him. 

Leander shook his head. He only knew of a place where his brother used to hide as a kid whenever hell broke loose at home, but it couldn't be that Hephaistion would be there. It would be too obvious since Hephaistion couldn't be so stupid to believe that no one would look after him. So yes, he really had no idea where that stupid little brother of his could be.   
After a few minutes of silence in which Leander didn't dare to look at Alexander because he could imagine the pain that was written on his face, someone was knocking at the door and entered only seconds later without waiting for the king to allow any entrance. „Your majesty“, the young soldier, who just entered with a frightened look on his face, panted, „we found Hephaistion.“ He entered fully, obviously trying to catch his breath. Leander immediately stood up and looked at him, wanting to shake his shoulders for keeping the informations back.

„Where is he?“, he asked, shooting a short glance to Alexander, but he quickly looked back to the young man when he heard his voice again. 

„We found him not very far away from here, but...“ He stopped and swallowed audibly, averting his eyes. „But he doesn't want to come back.“

Alexander quickly stood up, only thinking about the fact that Hephaistion was found and that he was safe. He needed to see him as fast as possible to convince him to come back to the palace, even if not for the king then at least for Zora.   
“Lead the way” he ordered calmly even though a mix of emotion was building up inside of him. Alexander felt at once so many contrary emotions that it was hard for him to even concentrate on the words coming from Leander. He felt so relieved that Phai was found and that he was alright but on the other hand the fear that Hephaistion won’t come back with him was swelling in his stomach. There were tons of possibilities. Beside what if his husband run away with this servant boy? Then he for sure wouldn’t want Alexander anymore and it was making the king sick.  
“Where is he?” The king asked, hoping onto Bucephalus’ strong back, feeling the horse’s excitement to finally ride with his master again. It made Alexander sad a bit. He wasn’t even able to take a proper care of his own stallion so without a doubt Hephaistion had a lot of reasons to run away.


	45. Chapter 45

Hephaistion didn't have the strength to fight anymore. The moment he saw the familiar faces, he knew he was screwed. Apparently he didn't make it far enough or even if he did, he was too slow. Not knowing how many days exactly he already was gone, he wondered that they found him so fast. Or more: that Alexander sent them out to look for him so early. He didn't count on that at all, to be honest and now he was really sick because of it. He didn't want to go back to the palace, no. He didn't want to see Alexander, either. That's why he left in the first place, for fucks sake. So he really didn't get why the guards didn't let him go. He argued with them, but when two of them blocked his way to Deucalion, he knew that it was of no use. They had their order and they would fulfill it, Hephaistion knew that. That's why he was sitting on a huge stone now, a pissed expression on his face that made the guards keep their distance to him, even though his eyes were blank. He didn't feel anything anymore, he just wanted to be somewhere else now, far away from here – and preferably alone.  
Sighing, he looked at his hands and peeled off the scab of his hands, until the wounds he got from punching the wall days ago, started to bleed again, only to have something to do. He clenched his hands into fists and observed how the blood welled up, and sighed again, looking longingly over to Deucalion who was now busy with tasting the delicious grass.  
„You know you can't keep me here. If it's my wish, then you have to let me go“, he said and looked over to the guard who kept his eyes on him. Like, really? As if Hephaistion could get away from here without his horse.   
„A look at your hands tells me that we don't have to“, the other man sneered with a cocky grin on his lips, obviously pleased that he was able to actually fulfill his order. Hephaistion averted his eyes as he felt a slight pang in his chest at the words, and looked back at his own fingers. Yeah, that was true. He didn't have to say anything anymore, how could he forget that?   
„Then why are you keeping me here“, Hephaistion murmured to himself, starting to pick at his wounds again, „when I am of no use anymore.“

Alexander actually felt like a teenage boy with his maddening crush on Hephaistion because in the same time he wanted to faster Bucephalus even more to see his husband sooner and run away and never come back. It was all really frustrating since he didn’t know how his lover will react when he would saw him. But the king hoped that Phai would come back with him, at least for Zora. He knew that it was really low to remind Hephaistion of his sister but Alexander would do anything to bring him back. He was ridiculously selfish in his behavior but he truly wasn’t able to live without his beloved husband anymore.   
But when he finally saw Hephaistion sitting on some rock and starring at the ground, all the doubts he had about their meeting vanished. All he wanted know was to his his husband and make sure that he was alright since Phai looked really skinny which wasn’t a good sign.   
“Phai…” he whispered, jumping off of his stallion and running toward his beloved husband, his king’s dignity be damned. “ Phai!” Alexander nearly screamed and in a second he had Hephaistion in his arms once again, finally feeling complete and happy.   
Hephaistion's whole body went stiff when he heard Alexander's voice and when he saw him approaching him, his first instinct was to run away. He couldn't do this, he couldn't look at him and he couldn't bear to be near him, not when he felt like this and especially not when he knew how the king was truly thinking about him. At first, he expected Alexander to vent his anger on him for being such a miserable husband, behaving so egoistic and selfish, for cheating on him, for being unworthy of his trust – for being a... well, whore. But when he felt the other man's body pressed against his own, it was worse than every physical pain could ever be.   
He screwed his eyes shut, clenching his fists as he felt how he slightly started shaking, feeling as bad as he never felt before. Why was Alexander doing this? Their ways parted for good, Hephaistion only was doing what's best for him, couldn't he see that? He should let him go and continue his life – on his own. The king apparently noticed that something was wrong – of course it was, 'everything' was wrong and Hephaistion hated it more than everything else – because he let go of him, but Hephaistion didn't lift his gaze to meet his eyes. Only when he heard his brother's voice saying his name, he raised his head and looked at him, feeling how his heart pounded at the sight of his brother and the expression he was wearing, full of sorrow and unanswered questions. He felt sorry for Leander, because after all, it was his fault that his brother had to come here without even knowing what was going on, but it was nice to know that he could count on him, no matter what.  
Hephaistion could feel all eyes looking at him and he was aware of the glances the guards were throwing at him and only then did he realize how he behaved towards Alexander. He left him, he wasn't anything to the king anymore, he knew that, so he wasn't allowed to behave like this. After some seconds of awkward silence, he slightly bowed his head in submission after averting his eyes again and swallowed, feeling Leander's confused eyes on him. „Alexander“, he quietly said, burying his fingers in the fabric of his cotton pants while he gritted his teeth in order not to bite his own tongue because suddenly, all the self hatred washed over him since it was his fault that the whole situation escalated like this. But it was no use of mourning something that no longer was so he tried to ignore the dull pain in his heart, concentrating on only this.

Alexander swallowed hard, feeling how Hephaistion stiffened in his arms. It wasn’t a good sing and it only made him sure that Phai really didn’t want him anymore which almost made him week in knees but somehow, probably by the pure willpower, he managed to let go of his former husband and step away. Although his body was longing for his lover so much it was painful. Hephaistion’s sweet smell and warm body was so close but not for the king anymore.   
But what hurt even more was how easily Hephaistion submitted to him again. Well, easily was actually a bad word. Alexander knew his lover for long enough to know how hard it was for Hephaistion and with how much hate his name left Phai’s mouth. But honestly he didn’t expect anything else.   
“It’s so good that you are alright Hephaistion! I was so worried about you!” Leander’s voice released Alexander from the sad duty of talking to Phai. He really wasn’t prepared enough to talk to him in that situation especially since he had so many witnesses.   
“Why the hell did you run away! You scared the shit out of me with your letter, you dumbass!” Leander put on an angry face but still he hugged his younger brother, not even hiding how relieved he was to have him safe. 

Hephaistion's eyes twitched over to his brother, thankful for his wits. At least he understood that something was severely wrong and Hephaistion was sure that everyone could at least read it in his facial expression. That's why he tried to smile, but he was sure that he failed since his face wasn't used to move like this anymore, when all he wore for the past weeks was either a frown or a sad expression.  
„I didn't mean to scare you“, he muttered and returned Leander's hug, burying his fingers in his back, clutching to him like to dear life. He was so unbelievable grateful that his brother was here, even though it kind of wondered him, since the reason for his coming was Zora. But maybe Nevena was still taking care of her... so it should be fine, he guessed. „I'm sorry.“ 'For everything', he thought, but he didn't dare to look Alexander, scared to blemish him as dirty as he felt.

“Don’t be sorry. Just come back you ass.” Leander said with brotherly concern in his voice. He was really worried about his younger brother since he exactly know what he was capable of doing because of Alexander. “I can see that you don’t have a lot of things with you. Good. So just sit back on your horse and we are going back home. You look like you need a proper dinner. Three times in a row.” He sighed, feeling how fragile Hephaistion actually was comparing to his always strong self which was making Leander worry even more. He also blamed himself for not visiting his younger brother more often. But they had time now to work their issues. 

Hephaistion knew it. He knew that Leander wanted him to go back, of course he did. But he had no idea. And Hephaistion made up his mind and he decided not to bother Alexander with his presence any longer. So he carefully let go of his brother and patted his shoulder, before he slightly shook his head. „No.“ It made him swallow, because he could exactly see how Leander's face fell a bit, but he had to go through with this. There was no way back for him. „I appreciate your concerns, Leander“, he murmured as he took a step away from his brother, „but I am not going... back.“ He swallowed again, looked him into the eyes and hoped that Leander could read in his own that he just 'couldn't'.

Leander wanted to say something but Alexander was faster. “You need to go back Hephaistion. You are the king and everyone need you. I need you. Zora needs you. Do you know how much is she crying every night for you? Do you know how hard it’s to put her to sleep and even when she is sleeping she is still calling you name. so please Hephaistion, come back. Even if not for me then do this for Zora” he pleaded even though he know that it was low to use arguments like this but he wasn’t able to let go of his husband anymore. He needed him back to feel whole again.

Hephaistion didn't look at Alexander, only clenched his fists, and averted his eyes, feeling how his heart hurt at the thought of his little sister. He knew all of this, this wasn't new to him at all but that's why he called for Leander. He was her brother as well and they could use some bonding time since Leander didn't spend a lot of time with her. Besides that, she still had Nevena and after some time, the pain would fade away and she would stop crying for him, he was sure of that. That was how kids worked, anyway. It was hard for Hephaistion not to talk back to Alexander since he never 'not' answered him, but it was necessary now. He had to ignore him in order to feel better. He had to. „Can you please take care of her?“, he asked Leander and swallowed, starting to peel at his hands again as he turned away from them, looking over to Deucalion without actually seeing him. „I am sure she will be very happy to see you.“

Alexander breathed in deep, trying to calm himself down. The thought of losing Hephaistion forever was making him sick. But still, he never thought that Phai wouldn’t go back for Zora, for his beloved little sister.   
“Everyone go away” He ordered in a cold voice, not wanting anyone to witness his talk with Phai. He didn’t even need to say it twice because guards, hearing his voice, automatically went away, finding something to occupy themselves. “Leander, you too” Alexander said more softly when Phai’s older brother stayed in place after everyone left. “Please” he added before the man had time to protest.   
“I will be nearby” Leander said with resignation in his voice and looked at Hephaistion. “Just call for me if you would need something Phai.” With this words and discontent on his face, he left as well but turning around a few times to make sure that his alright.

If Hephaistion wouldn't be so broken, he would have gasped at Alexander's boldness to send his brother away. Leander was keeping him sane, he needed his presence to get over this and besides that, he didn't tell him if he would take care of their sister. Actually, Hephaistion didn't need any confirmation because he knew that his brother would do it, but hearing it would have been nice anyway, especially since he seriously didn't plan to go back. This was really low of the king.   
Not knowing what to say at all, Hephaistion slowly went to Deucalion and patted his strong neck, caressing him just to have something to do. He could feel Alexander's presence physically, but he couldn't turn around, he couldn't even speak to him. What should he say? It was clear how things were between them and Hephaistion wasn't in the position to change any of it anymore. „I accepted your point of view, Alexander. What is it that you still want from me?“ Longingly, Hephaistion looked into the direction where his brother vanished, but he closed his eyes soon enough since he couldn't see him anymore, not when he was standing with his horse now. „Don't blemish yourself with my presence.“

“Hephaistion…” Alexander started, already feeling that this conversation would be hard. “What I said back there… I am sorry for it. I didn’t mean it. I was just angry Hephaistion. You know how I am. And I am really sorry for this. Again. I know” he sighted, taking one step closer to his former lover. “But I really don’t see you as a… whore. I had a lot of time to think and now I can see how alone you were and that I should be there for you. But I wasn’t and I am sorry for it.”   
Alexander actually had a lot of speeches prepared for this moment but his head was so annoying empty right now so all he could do was to pour his heart out.   
“What I am trying to say is that I want you back. I need you back. I just can’t live without you Phai. You are making me whole and I love you more than anything. So please, come back to the palace with me.” The king looked at the back of his husband’s head, wanting to touch him again but somehow me managed not to do so even though he longing for Hephaistion was growing with every second. “Phai, please…”

When Hephaistion heard the word that describes his whole existence so very well out of Alexander's mouth again, he nearly shivered but oppressed the shaking of his body with his last willpower as all the memories crashed down on him, the new ones as well as the old ones. Even though he thought that he was over it after those past days, after all this thinking, he wasn't. It still hurt to hear Alexander's words, especially when he knew that in the first place, his king was right. And the fact that he was apologizing now only made it worse.   
Deucalion seemed to feel how uncomfortable Hephaistion felt because he started to move nervously, dancing a bit away from him. He tried to calm him down, but when he turned around he knew why his stallion was behaving like that. Maybe he 'really' felt the discomfort of his master and that Alexander's presence hurt him physically. Hephaistion swallowed and looked a way, a sad smile playing on his lips as he shortly shook his head.   
„Do not be sorry for it, Alexander. Your words were true, so you don't have to explain yourself. I had enough time to think about it.“ He closed his eyes again and buried his fingers in Deucalion's mane, leaning his forhead against his horse while he tried to calm down his madly beating heart. When he opened his mouth he heard a faint cracking from the other side of the stone he was sitting on and Leander's angry voice reached his ears, but he got quiet again so Hephaistion didn't pay much attention to it. Instead, he tried to get rid of those images flashing in front of his eyes, but it was of no use, they kept torturing him. But maybe it was good to be reminded of all the things he did wrong in his past, because now they were keeping him away from Alexander and that was the only thing he could do right now.   
When he felt the familiar stinging in his eyes again, he closed them and dropped to his knees, burying his fingers into the ground until it hurt. He had to apologize in order to be able to let go, he knew it, he apologized to Cassander as well, he just had to and afterwards he could go and everything would be better, he was sure of that. At least that's what he hoped. But it hurt nonetheless to speak those words, because they made it clear to him how dirty he was, how he ruined himself – and there was no way back. The damage was done, had been done for a long time now.   
„I am not in the position anymore to serve your existence any good and I am sorry for this. Maybe I never was, but now it is clear that I am blemishing you and your glory and that is a thing that is unforgivable. I know what I did and it's my fault alone. Your trust in me is broken, and I can't live with knowing that nothing will be as it was before.“ Hephaistion took a deep breath and stared at the ground in front of him, feeling an unpleasant feeling in his guts. „That's why I have to go. The place next to the king isn't for a whore, your majesty, and that's what I am, after all. I'm not begging for your forgiveness because I know that it's unforgivable, I just beg you to let me go, for your own sake.“

“Hephaistion... what the fuck are you talking about?” Alexander could swear that he was close to an emotional breakdown because really, he has done many bad things in his life but not so many for Hephaistion to think that he was always unworthy of him. And now, he wanted so so bad to just hit his husband in that stupid head of his so maybe some intellect would be back there again.   
“How can you even say that you are unworthy of me? After all these years? So good to know that I never made you happy enough to make you feel worthy.” The king nearly hissed because Hephaistion’s words were like a slap on cheek for him. But he needed to be patient. Like always with Phai but Alexander wondered what the hell have he done to lower Hephaistion’s self esteem so much? It was almost unbelievable that he would be able to do this alone. Sure, he called him a whore but he apologized for it because he never thought of his husband in that way.   
“My trust in you isn’t broken. So come back to me to the palace. You are still the king and you are still my husband and I am not planning of letting you go” he sighted and carefully hugged Hephaistion from behind, making him stand up from the swampy ground. He didn’t need him to get sick now. “And stop talking about glory and other unimportant things. I care for you more than for anything else and as long as I have you by my side I can even go on the street beg.”  
„I am no king-“, Hephaistion started and plucked Alexander's arms off of him, still not able to look him into the eyes, but he didn't even have to keep talking because a furious looking Leander made his way to them, rearranging his clothes as if someone tried to hold him back by pulling at them. „You“, he hissed and pointed with his finger at Alexander, his eyes burning with fury. „How did you call my brother? Is this what this all is about?“ Hephaistion swallowed when Leander shot a glance to him and apparently he could read it on his face, because the next second he grabbed Alexander's shoulder and pulled him around – only to introduce his fist to the king's jaw.  
„This is better not true, or I swear to god, I will kill you and if it's the last thing I do!“ Hephaistion didn't see his usually so very calm brother that mad for a long time. When he thought about it, it was actually when he felt like this for the last time and when he looked at his brother, he knew that this was the reason why he lost it now. „Leander!“ Hephaistion pulled him away from Alexander as he wanted to plunge at him again, but his brother shook him off. „Now I fully understand why he left, how 'dare' you to call him a whore?“ Hephaistion would have rolled his eyes if this wasn't such a serious situation, because seriously, he could take care of himself and didn't need Leander to rage at Alexander like this now, he was old enough. But when he tried to get Leander away from his former husband again, he stopped right in his tracks when the older man kept talking.  
„Do you know why he reacts like this? Why he looks that miserable“ - Hephaistion would have been offended but in the end, what Leander said was true - „and ran away? I can tell you why, you fucking crock!“ Hephaistion felt as if his blood froze in his veins and he could literally feel how it drained out of his face. No. No, Leander wouldn't do this to him, he promised not to tell anyone.  
„Leander, shut up“, Hephaistion said and tried to calm his heart down that was now beating madly in his chest, fear started to grow in his chest. No. Alexander must not know this, he hid it all those years, hell, he even almost forgot about it himself, so there was no way that his brother would dig this out now, not in front of Alexander.  
„Last time someone called him like this“, Leander roared and all his fury lied in his eyes, Hephaistion could see it from where he was standing. He wanted to punch him, to make him finally shut his mouth, but he couldn't move a single finger. „'Shut up'!“, Hephaistion yelled, but it was too late. Leander already finished talking. „The last fucking time, he was used by those you called your precious 'friends', Alexander. They used him, beat him up and raped him, only to leave him behind broken and alone with the word 'whore' in his head because you didn't see anything back then, because you had your head up your ass, you cocky bastard! Do you know how I felt when he told me this after I found him, all shaking and hating himself?“ Hephaistion took a step back and felt how his knees wanted to give in, but Deucalion was standing reassuring and comforting in his back, so he instead buried his fingers in his long hair, trying to calm himself down by caressing the strong neck but it was of no use.   
„The worst part about this was that they made him feel responsible for what happened. It took me forever to get him off this trip again and now you fucking ruined it because you didn't think once before speaking! Now he is back at this point and I have no idea how to get him out of this again, you see what he's capable of doing. 'Fuck!'“ Suddenly, Leander turned around to him, his eyes searching for his but Hephaistion wasn't able to look at him. He felt even worse now, now that Alexander knew it. Fuck, he didn't even want to know what the other man was thinking about him now.  
„Thank you, Leander“, he said with a calm voice and reached for Deucalion's reins, turning away.   
„Hephaistion I am sorry but he needs to know. This isn't your fault, I really -“ But Hephaistion didn't let him finish talking and slapped him across his face, watching with satisfaction how Leander's facial expression changed to a shocked one. „I don't want to hear another word anymore. I am done with you.“ He could feel how a sick feeling started to build itself inside of him and the only thing he wanted to do was to run away now. „You promised me not to ever tell this anyone and now you told it Alexander who...“ He took a deep breath and turned away when he felt tears of shame burning in his eyes, only to shake his head, feeling completely empty.

Alexander felt burning pain in his cheek and he took a few steps back to keep his balance. That was completely unexpected so the king didn’t even bother to try to doge it. But he needed to admit – as he was splitting blood – that Leander had a really good punch which would probably leave some bruise for a longer time. Although it wasn’t one of Alexander’s concern now since he wanted to know Lean’s motive.   
“Why…” he started but Leander was faster and quickly started to talk, not giving Alexander any chance to express his opinion on that matter. And what he said hit Alexander even more than the punch.   
At first, he didn’t believe it because it simply couldn’t be true. There was just no way that someone would be able to do something so horrible just under his nose and he didn’t even see anything. But when exactly? He was spending so much time together with Hephaistion when they were younger so he for sure would have to notice that something was off. He just couldn’t imagine it. Such a big harm was done to his beloved husband and he didn’t even know about this. Even worse, the ones who had done this were still in the palace, happy and under the protection of the king which was now making Alexander’s blood boil in his veins. They needed to be punish for their crimes. And he was sure to make their deaths very very painful and slow.   
Alexander after few long minutes finally dared to look at Hephaistion even though he still was enraged at the ones who harmed his lover but he needed a confirmation that Leander’s words were true. But he didn’t even need to ask. Hephaistion’s expression was enough to make him sure.   
“Phai…” he said softly, ignoring the pain in his jaw. Now he had to make his husband feel better and make him forget about all these painful things as fast as possible. “That really wasn’t your fault. and it definitely won’t change the fact that I love you and that I want you no matter what.”

Hephaistion rubbed over the bridge of his nose with his fingers, trying to get rid of the pain that was filling his head with every beat of his heart. Someone who had a brother like Leander seriously didn't need any enemies anymore. Shooting a glance toward his brother who was still looking apologetically at him, he swallowed again. „You were never meant to hear that“, he quietly said and shook his head, feeling like shit. Now he wouldn't be able to live this down ever again, he would have a constant reminder, probably for the rest of his life. Thanks to Leander, all of his hard work of living it down and playing it cool vanished in an instant. Now the secret was out and there was no way of going back.   
„There are things that one cannot forgive, no matter how hard one wants to and this is one of those things. I am sorry that you heard it Alexander, I really didn't want this.“ He shook his head wearily before he finally found the courage to look at Alexander, surprised about the fact that he could actually keep his eyes on him. When he took a deep breath, he could feel his shoulders shuddering slightly. „I'm sorry.“

“You are not the one that should apologize Hephaistion. You did nothing wrong” Alexander repeated and slowly, carefully made his way toward his husband, never taking his eyes off of him. When he was close enough and Hephaistion still didn’t make any move to push his away, Alexander slowly touched Phai’s cheek and caressed it gently with his thumb.  
“You are amazing and you shouldn’t forget about this. So please Phai, come back with me as my only rightful husband and lover. And my king” he pleaded softly, looking into the blue ocean of Hephaistion’s eyes. “All I want is you.” He whispered, not even carrying right now about Leander who was pretending to be very occupied with a very average rock. But it was good that he finally shut up so Alexander could peacefully talk to his beloved one.  
“Please Hephaistion. I am nothing without you” he murmured, snuggling one of his arms around the other man’s slim waist, hoping that he wouldn’t be rejected.

„I did nothing wrong?“, Hephaistion echoed and snorted sightly, shaking his head, but when Alexander touched him, he could feel how his body wanted to give in and lean into his touch, but he didn't allow it, only closing his eyes. „I cheated on you, so I did everything wrong. My little personal problems are no excuse for that.“ He felt that he was smiling but it didn't reach his heart, it still felt numb, even though Alexander's touches were burning his skin. It was overwhelming him to be that near to his husband, after all those weeks he didn't even talk to him. But still, it wasn't right, Hephaistion knew it. His inner voice was screaming inside of his head, yelling at him to finally push Alexander away and leave him for good. But his heart knew that this was his only home we would ever have and it was right next to the king.  
„You are everything“, Hephaistion whispered after he collected his thoughts, trying to shut his heart away and listen to his head. „I am neither your husband... nor your king, Alexander. I have no right to be this any longer, not after what I did to you.“ A deep sigh heaved his body as he looked at Alexander's chest, gently taking his hand away from his own face. „I even gave you back your ring. There is only one person who belongs to your side and we both know who it is.“ It didn't matter how much Hephaistion loved him, how much he craved for him or how much he wanted to just hold his former husband in his arms. It just didn't matter anymore because he left his place and sometimes, there was no way back.

“Hephaistion… I don’t love her and she is not a queen in a full mean of this word. It’s just a title when it come to her and you know this. I promised you long time ago, that no matter what will happen, I will always choose you and that you will be my only love. And I am still sticking to this promise because it’s true. I am choosing you now and I still love only you and I will love only you.” Alexander looked into Hephaistion’s eyes, trying to read his thoughts but sapphire eyes were shutting all the emotions again, making the king sure that Hephaistion was really planning to run away and it wasn’t just a decision made in the heat of the moment. But Alexander didn’t plan to gave up now or in the future. It just wasn’t in his nature. He was always fighting for what was his and this time was no difference.   
“You are the only rightful king” he said softly and took the ring off his finger. Before Hephaistion had a chance to react, the ring was back again in its rightful place, on the older man’s slender finger. “And only you are the king of my heart Phai.” 

Hephaistion turned his head away at Alexander's words, feeling how they made his heart weigh even more in his chest. He knew – or at least he thought he knew – that Alexander loved him, but he lost his faith in his words some time ago. It just... didn't feel right to go back just like this. Nothing would change, Alexander would have to fulfill his duties as a king and go back to his wife and Hephaistion would be alone again, with a crying Zora at his side. Maybe the latter would change, now that Leander was here, but still... Hephaistion was sure that it would end like this at some point again.   
„I thought that I was strong enough for this“, he said quietly and looked at the ring on his finger, where it kind of looked odd after those days of not wearing it. He was surprised at how fast he got used to his naked finger... „But I am not. I... I can't do this, Alexander, but I will definitely step out of the way, that's why I left. I can't stand the thought... of her. Even though I know that I should, it is... was my duty as your husband in the first place, but I failed. And I know that I will fail again.“ Hephaistion clenched his hand into a fist and looked at Alexander, wanting to turn the time back, but he knew that he wasn't able to. And knowing that it was his fault that things went like this, hurt the most. „Please don't do this, not to yourself.“


	46. Chapter 46

Alexander was sitting on his big, empty bed with a little bundle of silky clothes in his arms. His little, just one moth old son finally fall asleep and the king was afraid to even breath louder because it was taking so long to put Demian to sleep. Alexander had actually no experience with babies, especially these freshly born but he was still refusing to let anyone take care of his son. Only Nevena was helping him beside two women that were feeding his baby since he didn’t have a mother to do this for him.   
Roxanne passed away only few hours after giving birth to the little prince. She didn’t survive the blood lose but Alexander didn’t even have time to mourn her properly since the young prince was already demanding a lot of attention from his father.   
Beside after his wife got pregnant they didn’t have a lot to do with each other. Alexander was walking around with a sour expression on his face and Roxanne didn’t want to do deal with his moods. They barely talk to each other and mostly about the kid when the king was asking Roxanne how she was feeling. But he was doing it rather because of the duty and the guilt he felt toward her than because of love. Because they didn’t love each other. It was crystal clear but everyone was keeping quiet, at least around the king since he was able to explode really easily after Hephaistion left him.  
Things were really bad without Hephaistion in the palace. The atmosphere were always heavy and the palace, once so lively and loudly, now was reminding a silent, gloomy tomb. Only sometimes in the big halls there was echoing a melodious laugh when Zora was meeting with her step father. And only then was Alexander smiling even though his heart was breaking a little every time his was seeing his sunshine because with every passing day she was resembling Hephaistion more and more. Her beautiful smile and bright eyes were exactly like her older brother and it was making Alexander drown in memories which wasn’t good because he needed then to drown his sadness into alcohol. So it was good that Nevena and Leander, who was being in the palace more often than not, were taking care of his little princess because he wasn’t able to look at her and not think of his beloved former husband.   
But they were doing fine even though nothing was getting better as his mother was predicting. He was still missing his Phai and his feeling for him weren’t getting weaker at all. But there was nothing he could do since Hephaistion wasn’t even giving any sign of life. Well, from what he know from Leander, Phai was sometimes writing to his mother so at least they knew that he was alive and doing well.   
Demian gasped quietly though his sleep and it made Alexander forget about his dark thoughts. Now he had another small being to live for. Beside he was pretty sure that Hephaistion would love this little boy even though he could sometimes be such a pain with his hyperactivity. But he was still lovely and there was no way not to like him. And he was the only one who was able to endure Alexander’s worse days and in the end Demian was making the king smile. Yes, Hephaistion would for sure love him if he only was there. But he wasn’t.  
Alexander sighted and carefully put down Demian on the soft bed and then he lay down protectively around his son, caressing small head with first soft baby hairs on it. He was really thankful for this little human being that was still keeping him sane and which wasn’t allowing him to forget about what love was.   
“Sleep my little warrior. Tomorrow your sister wants to go with you on a picnic” he whispered quietly, hoping that he will get some sleep as well to reduce this bags from his eyes since he didn’t want more of Nevena’s worried looks. Hell, he really was looking bad if Nevena was worrying about him. But he didn’t care. Not anymore since he didn’t need to impress anyone.

Hephaistion didn't expect it to hurt that much, hearing of Roxanne's death. When the message reached his ears that the queen passed away, he couldn't believe it at first, but when he made his way into the center of the small city which he currently passed, he had to realize that it indeed was true.   
The pain he felt wasn't for the woman he didn't know at all. They barely spoke a word back then when Alexander brought her to the palace, they more likely only passed each other and endured the other's presence – while the latter made Hephaistion run away in the end. He couldn't take the thoughts of Alexander visiting her dorms at night, when he was supposed to be with 'him'. But since he was the king...  
Hephaistion shook his head to get rid of those thoughts. It was useless, since many weeks, many 'months' passed since he left his husband, since he made it possible for him to live the life he deserved. He didn't know how he managed to do it, he even wondered now when he thought about Alexander's face, but he turned around that cursed day and rode away without a single look back. And he suffered. He suffered so much since then, since his heart was breaking with every passing day that he didn't spend with the man he loved more than his life, even though he tried to convince himself that he had to do it. And when he thought about Zora, he nearly broke down. He could barely believe himself that he left his precious sister behind when she was all that mattered in his life beside his husband, but at least it comforted him a bit to know that his brother and Nevena were for sure there for her, if not Alexander himself since he knew how much the king loved his little sister... – besides that, it wasn't forever. Someday, Hephaistion was sure, he would see him again... under other circumstances.   
Now, he thought, that 'someday' was nearer than expected. So when he heard the message, he felt a slight pang of pain in his chest but he knew that it was for Alexander. He had no idea how their relationship grew in the past months since the intruder – which would be him – left the place and made room for the king. But since Alexander seemed to be fond of her in the beginning, he for sure was mourning her death now, he guessed, and knowing that his former husband was going through such a loss and pain, was making him suffer himself. That was the moment when he reached the point to finally grab Deucalion and return to the palace. After all this time, it wasn't a very easy decision for him, since he wasn't even sure if the king wanted to actually see him and it was almost a year now... but he convinced himself to go back with thinking about Zora. He had to go back at some point, even if it was to only see her cute face for one second. He had to. So he packed his few belongings he purchased in the past months and prepared himself for the long ride back home. He didn't know how long it would take him, but he would be faster than any page could deliver his letter, so he decided not to inform Leander about his coming. Maybe it was even better that way, since he could vanish again if his presence wasn't desired, without anyone else noticing.  
Hephaistion sighed and led his stallion to the dusty road, combing through his hair with his fingers. It was getting pretty long as he didn't cut it since he left the palace, falling over his shoulders quite visible now. But he didn't mind, not at all. Those past months changed him, not only psychical but also physical: his body got stronger, he lost some of his lank posture as he gained more muscles, which were forming his body clearly under his tanned skin. Hephaistion kind of liked how he looked like, and with the stubble that slightly covered his face, only adding his handsome features more beauty, no one truly recognized him as the former king, not that far away from the palace anyway. But in the beginning, he was quite paranoid on his journey, the fear of being seen always sitting on his shoulders.   
„Run, Duke“, he whispered as he animated his stallion to ride faster, knowing that he had a few days of hard riding in front of him when he wanted to reach the palace fast. „Let's go back home...“ ...if it still was his home.

“Oh really?” Nevena snorted, feeling how the frustration was building inside of her. It was afternoon, the time when the little prince was taking a nap and everyone knew that it was also the time when there should be quiet everywhere because once Demian was woken up there was no way to put him back to sleep which was making the king frustrated and that wasn’t good for anyone.   
“Bunch of idiots” she sighted angrily, walking fast through the long hall. The worst thing for her here were actually these halls. They were echoing so loudly that…   
Nevena heard crying and she cursed like an old cobbler. Those fucking idiots really should know better than scream so loudly during prince’s nap. And she would also have to take care of Alexander before he would decide to punish someone. Beside that man really needed some sleep himself. She wasn’t asking but she knew exactly the reason why Alexander was sleeping so little. And it wasn’t because of his little son. She was really feeling sorry for the king even though she still thought that he was an asshole. But Hephaistion was no better. Leaving just like some girl who couldn’t be with her lover. This wasn’t the way adult men were behaving and although she could understand his reason she was still going to kick his ass for leaving Zora. That poor girl really didn’t deserve to be treated like some toy that can be throw away after a while. If that asshole only knew how many tears had she wipe from Zora’s cheeks…oh yes, she was going to punch him hard for all of this. If he would ever show up again.   
Which was actually quite sooner than she was expecting before right here, just few meters away from here was Hephaistion. He was arguing with the guard so she didn’t see her at first but it was really him even though it took Nevena a moment to make herself sure but there was no doubt about it. It was her dear friend and she needed to admit that he was looking damn good. Fucker.  
“Enough!” she said in a cold voice and the guard automatically stepped back not even trying to argue. “Let him in. he is a guest now” she added while looking Hephaistion’s in the eyes, trying to solve him. Because why would he come back all of a sudden? Did something happen? Or maybe he was just homesick? But whatever the reason was, it was good to have him back, safe and alive. 

It was frustrating. For already ten minutes, Hephaistion was arguing with this young little shithead of a guard to let him inside, but the young man, at least one head smaller than him, was refusing him any entrance, telling him that he wasn't allowed to let strangers enter the palace, but he didn't tell him why, not even after he looked at him in confusion. Since when was Alexander so paranoid about something like this?   
Hephaistion tried to explain to him who he was, but since he actually was 'nothing' anymore and the guy came after he left, it was of no use. He just wanted to turn around and go back for Deucalion, who he handed over to a stable boy, leaving as if this never happened, but then he stopped and turned around into the other direction. Hearing Nevena's voice made Hephaistion's heart flutter in his chest and his eyes immediately turned to her, absorbing the familiar face he hadn't seen for such a long time. She looked good, more mature than he had her in mind and apparently she got a high reputation in the palace, giving the reaction of the guard who immediately stepped away and made room for her. Nevertheless, it made him swallow when he saw the way she was looking at him and he kept staring at her for a few seconds, feeling like a little and insecure boy who just got scolded. Hesitating, he took a step towards her, reaching for her hand and entwining their fingers with each other.  
„Nevena“, he said quietly, not able to say anything else because it simply overwhelmed him to see her again. To see and actually talk to someone he loved after all this time of isolation.

The girl sighted seeing this idiotic face Hephaistion made when he saw her. Idiot. But her idiot. And it was good to have him back even though it took him really long to find his way back home.  
“It’s good to see you again you ass” she murmured and before Hephaistion had a chance to react she was already crushing his bones in her bear-like hug. “And here I thought that you left us for good” she snorted and finally let go of her poor friend. “Do you have any idea how much we were all worrying for you? Zora still cries for you, you asshole!” Nevena slapped hard his shoulder, making an angry face but it was visible that she was happy that Phai was back.  
“What took you so long? And where the hell have you been all this time? Beside, I bet that you hungry.” The woman looked at him closely but it didn’t seem like he was starving during this few months. “And what’s most important. Just don’t get me wrong but I need to know this for your own sake. Why did you come back all of a sudden Phai? Are you here to see Alexander?”

As soon as Nevena wrapped herself around him, Hephaistion let out a hard breath he didn't know he was holding. He closed his eyes and returned her hug, burying his nose in her hair as he enjoyed her familiar smell which made him feel better in an instant and he could feel how his nervousness faded a bit. It was good to know that she accepted him back, at least one barrier lied behind him. But it was the smallest one. He didn't know what to say when he let go of her and looked into her eyes. All he wanted to do was to apologize, since he knew everything that she was telling him, but he had no idea 'how'.   
„I would never leave for good... since my heart is here at home.“ Hephaistion tried a weak smile and touched her cheek, opening his mouth to tell her that he wanted to see his little sister as soon as possible, shaking his head, because no, he wasn't hungry, not at all, but he quickly dropped his hand again when he heard his former lover's name.  
„I...“, he started, pulling at the clothes he was wearing, while he looked to the ground, „I... yes... I actually came to see him because... I heard that the Queen passed away. I … don't know what made me return all of a sudden but I guess... I wanted to... express my condolences.“ And of course he wanted to see Alexander. He craved for him every single minute, he dreamed about him at night and not a single day passed when he didn't wanted to look into his eyes and it made his heart break everyday anew. But after all this time he was scared. He swallowed, looked up and smiled again, before hugging Nevena again. „But first... can I see my little sister? Please?“

She nodded her head and took his hand, taking him to the dorms where Zora was playing, far from too curious ears and eyes. After all no one needed to know that the former king was back. Especially since she doesn’t know how long would he stay and how would Alexander react on Phai’s coming back.   
“But I don’t know how she will react Hephaistion… it really hit her when you left. I am not doing this to make you feel guilty even though you should feel guilty as hell for living behind our little princess but I really don’t know how much she remembers. She was only three back then.” She sighted soundlessly and opened doors to the big dorm that was made into a kid’s room.   
On the middle of the dorm Zora was sitting on the wooden horse, swaying around with a short stick that was imitating a sword. On her head there was Alexander’s crown, too big for her so she needed to keep it with one chubby hand but it wasn’t stopping her from getting rid of imaginary enemies. She was also wearing Alexander’s crimson coat that was dragging long after her but apparently it was making her very happy to pretend to be her step father.   
“Zora, honey, you have a…guest” Nevena said slowly, dragging Hephaistion closer to the little princess who turned her head to hang her sky blue eyes on her older brother. 

The way to Zora was the worst path he probably would ever have to walk down, Hephaistion was sure of that. He was scared shitless, not knowing how she would react to see him again and Nevena's words weren't comforting at all, even though they were true – and he knew it. But still, his heart was beating madly in his chest because of the fear of being rejected and it nearly stopped when Nevena looked at him for the last time before opening the doors of her room. The sight in front of him nearly made his heart 'burst'. Zora was looking so adorable and hearing her voice, seeing right in front of him, within his arm's reach, literally made his knees give in. He couldn't help himself but drop on the floor, feeling how a wide smile found its way on his face when Zora's eyes grew wide as she recognized him – and dropped everything. 

„'Phai'!“, she yelled and ran towards him, nearly stumbling over her own short legs, before she threw herself against his chest, hiding her face there. Hephaistion closed his arms around her, tight, maybe a bit too tight, but Zora didn't seem to mind since she didn't say anything about it, only pushing herself closer to him – before she burst out into tears. He could only close his eyes at this, feeling how his heart sunk low into his stomach since it was his fault alone that his sister was that sad, and pulled her even closer, inhaling her smell. „I am so sorry, Zora“, he murmured into her hair and kissed the top of her head, before he plucked her off of his chest and held her at arm's length. „You grew up and really became a little princess... let me take a look at you.“ Smiling, he took her hand and lifted them above her head, before Zora moved in a circle, presenting herself at him, but when she looked at her brother again, her bottom lip started to tremble again. „Why did you leave me, Phai?“, she started sobbing again, rubbing at her eyes while she lowered her head. „I missed you... so much!“ Hephaistion swallowed and pulled her closer again, taking her tiny hands off her face before he gently wiped the tears from her face, kissing her forehead. „I missed you, too... But I promise that I won't leave you ever again. I can't say how sorry I am that I left my little princess, but now I swear that I won't do this again.“ Zora looked at him with red eyes, apparently not convinced yet, but when she made him cross their pinkies and vow to never leave her again, like, never ever, a smile built on her face when she hugged him again. Hephaistion was never that relieved in his life before and decided to just sit here a little longer and hug the dear life out of his sister since he was sure that his legs wouldn't carry him, even though he lost so much of his burden.

Nevena smiled and putted the crown that fall off of Zora’s head on a table, watching the two with a happiness growing in her heart. She only hoped that Hephaistion was telling the truth and that he would really stay because she was sure that Zora wouldn’t survive another separation, Nevena was sure of this.   
“Should I live you alone or maybe you want to see Alexander?” Nevena asked softly, observing the sibling that were so similar to each other that it was almost impossible.   
Zora automatically live up at the mention of Alexander’s name and she quickly took back the crown form the table and run back to Hephaistion as fast as she could with cute blushes on her chubby cheeks. She put the crown back on the storm of her long, brown hair and smiled happily. 

“We need to go and see daddy!” She said with excitement. “You need to see my brother! He is so small and he cries sometimes and he doesn’t have any teeth. I already have teeth!” Zora opened her small mouth to show Hephaistion her milky teeth. “And I can’t play with him because he is too little but he is always keeping my hand when we are having a picnic. So I am protecting him from monsters! That’s why daddy gave me his crown. Now I am a really warrior.” She said with a pride in her voice, puffing out her cheeks.

Hephaistion could feel how all of his blood drained from his face when he heard what Zora was talking about. A... brother? Did that mean... He could feel his eyes widen in shock as he lifted his head and looked at Nevena, astonishment clearly written on his face. „I had no idea“, he whispered, feeling quite flabbergasted. How was it possible that this message got past him? He heard about Roxanne's death, but how was it possible that he actually overheard... Alexander having a son? When Zora pulled at his hand, he looked back at her and tried to focus on, caressing the top of her head.   
„You are such a great sister, aren't you?“, he smiled, as he was trying his best to calm down the storm of emotions inside of his chest. He had mixed feelings, on one hand he was glad that Alexander at least got something out of this marriage, that it wasn't... well, all for nothing, but on the other hand he was sad and hated himself because he made Alexander go through this all by himself. Slowly, Hephaistion got up and, still holding Zora's hand, let her lead the way, still not able to form a proper thought, but he was glad when Nevena moved and came with them. He was sure that he would die of a heart attack this day, since his heart was beating madly in his chest once again, but this time it was even worse. Zora did her work with calming him down, being her anchor as always and listening to her happy talking was making him feel better, but still, thinking about Alexander and actually 'seeing' him again, made his heart jump into his throat and take away his ability to talk.


	47. Chapter 47

Alexander was sitting on his throne when they came to the hall. He was carefully swinging Demian in his arms, trying to calm down the whimpering baby but the little prince was always a bit fussy when he was woken up from his afternoon nap. Not even Alexander’s long hair or shiny jewelry were able to make him stop crying.   
“Daddy!” Zora screamed happily and quickly run to her step father, carefully climbing on the steps to the throne while the king put his son on his knees so the little girl could see him better. Zora lay one of her hand on Alexander’s knee to keep her balance while she stand on her tiptoes and smiled at her baby brother. Demian quickly stopped crying and turned his big, brown eyes on his sister, showing her his toothless smile. “Such a good boy. You can’t cry too much. Daddy needs to rest” she praised him while patting gently his head just like Alexander taught her too.   
Alexander smiled and kissed Zora’s head, really thankful for her intervention. He had no idea how was she doing it but she was almost always able to calm down Demian. She was also calming him down but not enough because when he saw Hephaistion standing near Nevena his heart stopped beating for a moment. The king didn’t expect him here, not now at least. Not after what happened but he was sure that it was Hephaistion. He looked damn good and it made Alexander wonder what was he doing in the past ten months. But it wasn’t one of his concern now since Phai just left him so he put a small smile on his lips, doing a good face to a bad game, a thing he learned not so long ago.   
“Hello Hephaistion. How are you?” he asked in a tired but friendly voice, trying not to show the mixed emotions that were boiling inside of him. He was torn between wanting to have Phai once again in his mind and keeping him away. Alexander just wasn’t prepared even though he thought about Phai every night but he still was surprised that he actually came back. But what for?

Hephaistion felt weak, very weak. Because when he saw Zora running towards Alexander, seeing him with her and his son, he knew that he lost the game. He didn't know what exactly gave him this feeling, but he knew that he lost. Everything. But he didn't show how hard it hit him to see his … former family together, instead he took a small step towards the man who used to belong to his side. But not anymore.   
„Alexander“, he quietly said and looked him into the eyes, barely able to talk past the lump in his throat. His heart was beating so loud in his chest that he was sure that everyone could hear it. „I am doing fine, I guess.“ He tried to smile but he knew that he failed, so he lowered his head and looked at the floor, not knowing what to do know. He decided to come back way too suddenly and now that he was finally here, he felt lost. But he knew that he had no one to blame but himself, so it was okay, he thought. It was his fault and he had to go through this now. „I...“ Hephaistion cleared his throat and got down on one knee, not wanting to misbehave in front of the king, even though they were alone – the most important women in his life didn't count since they were family – but after his absence, he felt that he had to behave in the right way, because as it seems – and which was only natural – Alexander was now the king to him. Nothing more. „I heard that... the Queen passed away... and I wanted to tell you how sorry I am by myself... and not some impersonal letter.“ He lowered his gaze and smiled shortly at Zora's bright face, but his smile faded quickly when he stood up again and looked at Alexander. Hephaistion had no idea if his presence was wanted here or if Alexander wanted to get rid of him, so he just stood there and looked at him, taking in the sight he missed so dearly for such a long time. „And... I wanted to see you.“

Alexander sighted heavily and looked over Hephaistion’s shoulder at Nevena who only rolled her eyes. The king didn’t even need to ask what she was thinking about them since he thought the same – they were idiots. But he matured in the past ten months. He had to. So now he couldn’t just run for Hephaistion and take him into his arms like nothing had happened. The king didn’t know why his former lover was actually here for or if he was staying for longer but he knew one thing, that it was bad to try to force Hephaistion into anything.   
“Get up Hephaistion. We are still a family so don’t do such a stupid thing.” He said and got up from the throne, walking into Phai’s direction, Zora right by his side. “Nevena, can you take kids for a moment? I need to talk with Hephaistion.”  
“Of course. And don’t worry. Take as much as you need and we are going to get rid of monsters, right Zora?” She said with a smile, taking Demian from Alexander’s arms.   
“Yes!” The girl grinned happily and looked at her older brother. “But you will be back, right?” She asked seriously, looking at Hephaistion with stubborn in her eyes.

Hephaistion didn't felt like a part of this family anymore, at all. But it was okay, it was normal that there was some kind of distance between them, and since he didn't expect anything from Alexander, he would be able to live it down. That's why he only kept staring at him, feeling as if he was drowning and the sight of the king was the only thing that was keeping him alive. No wonder, since Alexander was the air he breathed. This never changed, not for a single day.   
„I promised you, Zora“, Hephaistion said and got down to kiss his sister on the cheek, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. „And I won't break that promise.“ He kept looking at them, his eyes fixed on Nevena's back until she closed the door behind them, not daring to look at Alexander's son for a single second. It just didn't feel right for him, he didn't know why, maybe because he was the intruder here. When he couldn't hear Zora's voice down the hall anymore, he slowly turned around again and searched for Alexander's eyes, keeping silent for a second, because he gathered enough courage to start talking.   
„I know that you are wondering what I am doing here“, he started and smiled a bit, even though it didn't reach his eyes. „To be honest, I don't know it myself. Something kind of pulled me here and I couldn't resist it any longer.“ Hephaistion took a deep breath and looked at his hands for a moment, before he dared to look at Alexander again, even though it physically hurt him, but he had to endure it. He had to. „I won't say that I am sorry for leaving“, he continued speaking after a moment of silence in which he lost himself in the other's eyes, but he quickly got himself together again, „because it helped me to think about some things and it helped me feel better, as well. But I know that it is unforgivable and that there is no way back. You have every right to detest me now, I fully know that I deserve it.“   
Hephaistion sighed and lifted his hand for a second, wanting to touch Alexander, his hand, his arm, 'anything', but he quickly gained the control over himself back and clenched his hand into the fabric of his clothes. „I don't even expect anything from you, don't worry, you don't have any responsibility towards me anymore“, he quickly said, as he realized how needy he sounded. But it was true. He didn't want Alexander for himself anymore simply because he was afraid of hurting him again. His heart wanted him more than anything else, he still loved him more than his own life, but he wanted Alexander to be happy. That was why he left. „I... I just wanted you to know...“ Hephaistion took a deep breath and turned his head away, suddenly not able to speak anymore. It just hurt too much, even though he tried to prepare himself on his ride here. But it was just... too much. „I'm sorry“, he said after a minute of uncomfortable silence as he studied the floor, scratching the back of his head. „I am just happy that you... seem to be fine.“

Alexander was looking closely at his former husband, listening to his words. As always, the way how Hephaistion was thinking was being mystery to him and he knew that he should be really careful with his every word now if he didn’t want to lose his husband again.  
“We are all happy to have you back Phai” he said softly. “And we will be even more happy if you would really stay here if that’s what you want. But I guess it is since you already promised Zora that you won’t go anywhere.” He smiled a bit, trying not to show how much he wanted Hephaistion to stay. And not only because of Zora. Alexander needed him as well even if they weren’t together anymore, the king still feel the need to have Phai by his side. In the end he was always his beloved and most trusted friend and it never changed.   
“And you don’t have to be sorry for anything Hephaistion. You’ve chosen what was best for you and I understand this. And I am happy that you finally found peace.” He saw the light move that Hephaistion made to touch him but he couldn’t bring himself to ask him to actually do this, show him that he was still able to touch Alexander whenever he would want to. He just somehow… couldn’t. it was irrational, he knew, but during this ten months he managed to learn how to live without Phai but it was like a house of card. One Phai’s touch and Alexander would be addicted to him once again but this time he wouldn’t survive without him. So for now it was better to live things the way they were. Wait and see how things between them would be.   
“There is really nothing to be sorry for. So, did you find your happiness Hephaistion?” Alexander asked, looking once again into blue ocean of Phai’s eyes.

Hephaistion pulled the corners of his mouth up into what he thought was a smile and averted his eyes, not being able to look at Alexander any longer. No, no he didn't find his happiness, how could he find something like this somewhere else, far away from Alexander, who actually was his happiness? It was impossible. He left not only his husband and sister, but also his heart behind, so he was actually walking around emotionless those past months, unhappy and suffering because he missed his loved once beyond endurability. But the king didn't have to know that. Hephaistion swore to himself that he would never show his weak side again, to anyone – and he swore as well the he wouldn't feel like this anymore. He locked his feelings away and accepted that he didn't need them anymore. Never again. He had to be strong since he was on his own from now on. So he just nodded at Alexander's words, playing with the plain necklace around his neck, which led under his clothes and ended in a midget pouch, in which he held his most precious belonging.  
„I found myself.“, he said then and smiled again, because it was true. He found his old self again, as he fought with his inner demons and got rid of his weakness – and gained strength. The Hephaistion who was weak and not able to see his Alexander with someone else was gone, back was the Hephaistion who was used to an Alexander who played around. He knew that Alexander changed himself, but knowing that he built a wall around his heart was giving him strength, even though he could already feel it crumbling when he was looking for too long at the man in front of him. „Thank you for your understanding and hospitality, Alexander“, he said as he looked at him again, a small smile on his lips. „It is not self-evident to welcome me back like this.“

“Don’t think about it as of hospitality Hephaistion. This is still your home and it forever will be your home.” Alexander bit his tongue before he said something more because officially they were still married and the king wasn’t up for changing this state of things. And if Hephaistion really wanted to stay… then who knows, maybe their relationship would get a bit better because Alexander really wouldn’t stand the formal way that Phai was behaving because it was just hurting him.  
“I never rearranged your old dorms so you can stay there or you can chose whatever bedroom of your wish. But…” Alexander started, not knowing how to solve the problem with his little daughter. “Zora is mostly sleeping in my dorms.” He said eventually, observing closely Hephaistion’s reactions. “But I guess now, that you are back, she would want to spend as much time as possible with you so we can just switch.”

Hephaistion bit the inner side of his bottom lip and sighed inaudibly. Actually, he didn't plan to live at the palace again. He knew that he wasn't able to take too much of Alexander's presence until he would give in again and besides that, he wasn't used to such high standards anymore, not after the life he lived for the past ten months... His plan was to find something else, outside of the palace, but he was sure that there was no way to make Alexander understand this need. He already knew that he would have troubles living here again, at least for the first time, but he was sure that he would get used to it after some time... Zora for sure would help him with that. But the last thing Hephaistion wanted was to cause any inconveniences for Alexander. That's why he just lifted both hands fending and shook his head.   
„No, it's okay. I may take the old dorms. Leave Zora with you, she got used to you. I am happy to see how much she loves you.“ It was true. Hephaistion didn't see her for quite a long time and for a little child this time seemed to be even longer – and even if he loved his sister, he didn't want to rip her out of her surroundings. Who was he to do that after what he'd done anyways? He had to get his place in her life back bit by bit, he knew it, so he was fine with that, especially that he was used to be alone for a long while. It was weird to have people around him that actually cared about him and that Zora did so was obvious. Hephaistion swallowed and pointed at the door in his back, standing in front of Alexander, not knowing what to do know. He didn't know how to behave in front of him, he wanted to kneel down in front of him and wrap his arms around him at the same time, but since he knew that both options weren't desired, he kept standing there awkwardly. „The journey was long...“, he said and hesitatingly looked at Alexander, „I... would be glad if I could wash myself.“


	48. Chapter 48

Things were… weird in the past few days. Alexander and Hephaistion weren’t avoiding each other, quite opposite actually but their small talks were very polite and appropriate. They just acted like two people who just met but neither of them was able to change that. It was unusual for them since they used to talk about everything, sometimes not even sleeping properly because they couldn’t stop telling each other some stupid but funny things.   
Beside every time Alexander was with Demian Hephaistion was magically disappearing. The king wasn’t blaming his former love for this and he understood that it was hard for him. The baby was still probably reminding him of the queen but it was hurting Alexander a bit that Hephaistion was forgetting that it wasn’t only Roxanne’s baby. It was Alexander’s son so he could at least do as much as look at the little boy. But he wasn’t pushing into anything. It was good to have him back and the king wasn’t up to change this state of things.  
Although Hephaistion’s birthday was coming and didn’t know how to celebrate it and if Phai would actually wasn’t him to make a fest for him. Beside not so many people knew that the king was back and maybe it was better to leave it like this at least for a while.  
Alexander kissed Demian’s head and looked at Zora who was in the garden, playing with Kadar. Then he saw Hephaistion coming in their direction, more happy than usual but Alexander guessed that it was because that he wasn’t nearby and that Phai wasn’t seeing him. It hurt him a bit but there was nothing he could do about it beside being patient because he was sure that with time they relations would get better.  
“So what do you suggest Leander? A small party in the garden? Zora would be happy and it wouldn’t be a big burden for Hephaistion since we don’t know if he actually wants to celebrate his birthday.” Alexander turned around to Leander who was without any shame easting fruits that were brought here especially for Alexander. 

Quietly observing how his brother sat down next to Zora, a smile on his lips he hadn't seen in a while, Leander turned his gaze on Alexander and smiled shyly when he saw the look the king was throwing at him. He wiped over his mouth with the back of his hand and nodded, after he swallowed.  
„Yes“, he hummed and turned his eyes back on Hephaistion, „I guess it would be the best for him if we would keep it small. Did he say anything about it to you?“ Because to him, he didn't. In fact, Hephaistion didn't even seem to want to celebrate his own birthday, he didn't lose a single word about it and kept himself in the background, which was making Leander feel quite uneasy, since he was used to a loosened up Hephaistion. Their reunion was warm as always as Leander was more than just happy to have him back, but soon after that, his brother started to behave weirdly again, as if he wanted to keep his distance to all of them. As if he was a stranger and didn't belong here anymore.  
„I just want him to enjoy himself, at least for one day. I am sick of watching him behave like this, just look alone at his shoulders and how he holds his own body. As if he's uncomfortable all the time. I wonder what happened to him, he didn't say anything about the past time... at least not to me?“ Leander tilted his head to the side and looked at Alexander from the corner of his eyes, wondering if his brother let something slip through at least towards the king.

“No. Not even a word about his own birthday” Alexander sighted and looked once again at Hephaistion and Zora who were now tossing Kadar a stick. In fact Phai didn’t even seem to remember that his own birthday were tomorrow. Or maybe he just didn’t care. Either way Alexander wanted to celebrate it somehow just to show him that he really was still a part of family and that everyone cared for him.  
“I was about to ask you the same question” Alexander responded, frowning. After their conversation he was sure that there was no use to ask Hephaistion about it because it was clearly a very uncomfortable topic for him that he didn’t want to speak about. “He is not telling me anything Leander so I hoped that maybe he told you something. You are his brother and I am just a former lover. Beside he doesn’t seem to be comfortable around me.”

Leander rolled his eyes so hard that he thought they would roll out of his head. When he turned his head into Alexander's direction, he lifted his eyebrows and looked at him some seconds in silence, before he slightly slapped the king against his shoulder.   
„You know exactly that you aren't just a 'former lover'. You were everything to him, and you still are, Alexander. I can see that in the way he looks at you when he thinks that no one is watching him. But I have my eyes on him all the time – as you said, I'm his brother.“ He looked back to Hephaistion and when he heard his laugh, a sound he missed so much in the past months, he found himself smiling. Leander was glad that his little brother was back again, since his absence ripped a great hole into their lives. It was quiet with him, cold and uninviting and he could feel how everyone missed him. Hephaistion played a huge role in each and every life of theirs, if he wanted to or not. That was the reason why it hit them so much that he left in the first place. But Leander could see that Hephaistion suffered himself, that it changed him and that he was happy to be back himself – even if he wouldn't admit it, especially not in front of Alexander. If he only knew why, but he had an idea...   
„Either way“, he said to get himself out of his thoughts, „he seems to have forgotten about his birthday, you know how much he likes to celebrate birthdays in general. 'Everyone is a gift and the day they were born have to be celebrated'“, Leander quoted his brother and grinned when he looked back at the king. „Let's just surprise him with that. I bet he's going to like it.“

“I don’t know about it Leander. He is keeping me on a distance. And yes, I know that he is here since only few days but I bet that you already noticed that he didn’t even want to look at Demian. Maybe he still loves me as much as he used to but my son can be too much for him Lean and you know this.” Alexander looked at his boys who was now playing with his pendant. He wouldn’t be able to resign from his son. This little boy was his blood and he needed him. Beside Alexander knew how it was to grow up without father’s love and there was no way that he would give up his boy even for Hephaistion.   
“So what are you suggesting Leander? Just a small party in the garden, right?” He asked, trying not to think about the wall that was between him and Hephaistion. “I want Zora to take a part in it so we shouldn’t make it too late since she is quickly to fall asleep” He smiled, remembering how Zora could fall asleep even when she was in the middle of playing. 

Leander looked at Alexander for a moment, not saying anything. Yes, he could see that Hephaistion was keeping his distance to him but he could understand his brother. He totally understood while he was doing it and if he were on his place, Leander would do the same.   
„Imagine being in his situation“, he murmured and looked at his hands, before he reached for another fruit, biting into the soft flesh. „I don't want to defend him only because I am his brother, but... it is hard for him, I can see that. I am even wondering about the fact that he 'is' here. I didn't expect him to come back... at all.“ He still remembered Hephaistion's face when he went away, the hurt expression and the despair in his eyes. It was a wonder that he was back and Leander didn't want to lose him again. Slowly, Leander stood up and brushed the dust off his clothes.   
„And, seriously Alexander? 'Maybe' he loves you as much as he used to?“ He shook his head and gave him an unreadable look. „You should know better.“ Stretching his back, Leander turned the latter to Alexander and nodded. „Yes, exactly. Not too late but not to early either. I'm going to say hello to Hephaistion now“, he said and smiled at Alexander over his shoulder, before he made his way down to his siblings. „You will figure it out.“

Alexander looked after Leander until he disappeared behind the doors and the he brought his attention back to his little son.  
“And we are left alone again, just you and me” the king smiled and the boy smiled back at him with his toothless smile, making Alexander wonder if Hephaistion would be ever able to love this child like he did because the thought that they could be a family again was always on his mind. Leander words only made it worse because they kindle the hope inside of him with a renewed power.   
“Yes. We need a present for him” Alexander murmured when Demian started to babble happily, wiggling his arms and legs and trying to catch his father’s hair. “But I don’t have any idea…” the king sighted, looking out of the window at his former lover with one question in his head: what would make him really happy?

Hephaistion groaned in pain when he felt something poking against his shoulder. He turned his head into the opposite direction and turned around in his bed, pulling the blanket over his head but the poking didn't stop. What in the gods name was going on here? He only wanted to sleep... just a little bit more... He opened his eyes a bit but when the light hit them, he immediately closed them and groaned some more. Okay... maybe he had a little bit too much wine last night. Only a bit. But he wasn't able to contain himself, not after the supper where he saw Alexander with his son.   
He screwed his eyes shut a bit harder at the thought of them and felt miserable again. What a great beginning of this new day. His head felt like a watermelon and the pain behind his eyes was getting worse whenever he tried to open them. But this... damned... poking! He whirled around in his bed, a pissed expression on his face but the expression quickly turned into a confused one when he saw his brother sitting on his bed, half kneeling over him, his finger pointing directly at his body, ready for another poke.  
„Leander?“, he murmured and rubbed his hand over his face. „What the hell are you doing here this early in the morning?“ Leander only snorted at that and poked him again, painfully in the ribs this time, which made Hephaistion arch away and look even more pissed at his brother.  
„It's not early in the morning, it's late in the afternoon, dearest brother. You even overslept dinner but it was impossible to wake you up, you drunk little shit.“   
Confused, Hephaistion shook his head and kept staring at him, shrugging his shoulders. „So what? Let me sleep, Leander. I really need some sleep, my head hurts, my eyes hurt, 'everything' hurts so please...“ But Leander had other plans when he practically through himself on top of his brother and nearly crushed him under his body weight, hugging the dear life out of him.   
„Oh no, you won't sleep, not now, little brother.“ He let go and ruffled his hair, laughing at Hephaistion's death glare, before he bent over to kiss his forehead. „Not on your special day.“ As the confusion grew even bigger on Hephaistion's face, Leander let out a small chuckle and then it dawned to him. It couldn't be. Was it really possible that he just forgot his own – „Happy birthday, Hephaistion. May all your wishes come true.“   
Hephaistion drew in a breath and looked at him, astonishment written on his face, before he rubbed over the latter again – and groaned. „Is it really my birthday? Aren't you joking? I just celebrated my birthday, like... two months ago?“ A smiled formed on his lips when he looked at his brother, grateful that he had someone to remind him of things like that again. But seriously, how could he forget about his own birthday? Was he really so busy with himself that he just didn't notice? „Thank you, Leander... I really appreciate your sweetness“, Hephaistion grinned and let out a small laugh when his brother slapped him at the shoulder for this, „but now let me sleep!“

Alexander wrapped carefully a big book framed in a black leather in a gold paper, trying to make it look really elegant. He was quite proud of his work and he really hoped that Hephaistion would love it. It was his favorite book as far as Alexander know and his former husband was looking for it for a past few years but he couldn’t find any copy of it anymore. Alexander found it around five months ago and without any deeper thought he just bought it. Now it was enough to frame it anew and the gift was ready.   
“We can go now Demian” Alexander smiled, taking his boy on his arms. Demian babbled happily, wiggling a bit in king’s embrace but he quickly snuggled closer to his father and putted his small head on Alexander’s shoulder while sucking on his thumb.   
The garden was already prepared when they came in. little lanterns from paper, a thing that Alexander brought after invading east Asia, were hanging on trees and lighting up the whole garden, giving it a bit of magic atmosphere like from the book that Hephaistion loved so much. All the dishes and plates with fruits were already there on the blanket that the king ordered to put on the grass so it looked really intimate.   
Zora and Nevena were already there, both laughing at something. It was a nice view since Alexander treated Nevena like a part of the family from a longer time. She was really nice and wit when she wasn’t an ass to him but he didn’t mind so much since he knew that he only wanted best for him.   
There wasn’t only any sight of Leander and their birthday boy and Alexander started to worry if Phai will actually come… maybe it was really too fast for him and he didn’t want any of this but Zora quickly took his all of his attention, wanting to pet her little brother by climbing on Alexander’s lap. But still, it didn’t stop the king from looking discreetly on the entrance of the garden to see if Phai was coming.   
„Where are you dragging me to? Leander!“ Hephaistion slowly was losing his nerves. After his brother kicked him out of his bed without any mercy, he had to dress and make himself 'pretty' – what for, the young man had no idea. Now, he was holding his wrist in a hard grip, not willing to let him go and leading him through the corridors. Apparently, they were heading outside, but whatfor? „Leander, I am serious, let go of me“, he said, his voice a bit harsher than a minute ago, but his brother pretended not to hear him. He sighed enervated and rearranged his clothes which got a bit messy because of Leander's pulling.   
„Shut your mouth“, his brother suddenly said when they passed a doorway arch which led outside, „and enjoy yourself.“ With that, Leander gave him a small push in the back and Hephaistion stumbled a bit, blinking against the sun since his eyes were still kind of sensitive, but when he let them roam around, he came to a halt and stared at the scene in front of him.   
„What...“, he started, but Leander gently bopped him on the head and led him to the small group of people who seemed to be waiting for him. As soon as they reached them, he found himself in Nevena's arms and before he could say anything, he found himself smooched and hugged.  
„Happy birthday, old man“, she grinned and her grin grew even wider when Hephaistion smiled back at her, not able to say anything because he was overwhelmed. What was going on here? Why did they such a thing for him when he wasn't even remembering his own birthday? He clearly did not deserve so much kindness... But he quickly forgot about that, when he felt Zora wrapping herself around his lower part of the body, giving him a huge smile.   
„Hey...“, he smiled when he leaned down and let her kiss him on the cheek, „what are you doing here, little sunshine?“ Gently, he caressed her cheek and then the top of her head as he listened to her cute explaining, that they were all here to celebrate his important day.  
„You are the special guest“, she said and nodded as if to punctuate her words, her smiling face making him feel all warm inside.   
„Am I?“, he replied and looked up to meet Alexander's eyes, feeling how his heart started to beat a little bit faster in his chest, but he forced himself to stay calm. „Thank you“, he said after some seconds, in which he started at his former lover longer than appropriate, before he looked back to his sister, a smile on his lips.

“I have a present for you!” The little girl said happily, showing him a horse made from clay, painted on black and white. “I did it with Nevena” she bragged, watching closely Hephaistion’s reactions. She putted all of her love into that present and she really wanted her brother to like it. “It’s Deucalion” she informed him, still looking into his eyes which made Alexander smile because they were similar in so many ways. And it was really cute how much work Zora had putted into this. But it was visible that she had talent. The toy horse was really looking good and its shapes were greatly detailed especially for such a young kid.   
Hephaistion gasped and carefully took Zora's present out of her hands and looked at it closely, turning it around and checking it from all sides. „It's quite visible that it's him“, he reassured her, because really, it was such a great present he didn't even expect, especially because she did it by herself. Sometimes he was really surprised how talented and intelligent his little sister already was. „I love it, thank you“, he said and kissed the tip of her nose which made her giggle and blush in the cutest way ever. His eyes went back to the small horse in his hands and he nearly sighed because he felt all the guilt rushing over him. But he wasn't allowed to let that show, not now and definitely not in front of Zora, so he carefully clutched it tighter and took Leander's present, after he slapped it on top of his head, his gentle brother as always. He probably would never change. Opening it, Hephaistion smiled at the beautiful and classy looking quill. „I know how much you like to write“, he heard Leander's voice and the fact that his brother actually thought about a present which had a meaning behind it, made him smile even more. „I will definitely use it, thank you“, he replied and poked his tongue out at him.  
“Now it’s time for my present!” Nevena smiled mischievously and hugged Hephaistion tight, giving him a small package. “If Alexander would ever be not ‘up’ for this then make him eat it” she whispered into her friend’s ear. “Which I actually doubt given how often he screams your name during his… moments of oblivion. But if you would want him for a whole night long then you know what to do” she misled innocently and slapped his ass. “Happy birthday again Hephaistion!” Nevena said aloud, looking at Phai without any sign of shame. “And may ALL your wishes come true” she added with satisfaction in her voice when Hephaistion blushed a little.

Hephaistion closed his eyes for a second, biting down at his tongue, before he tried to stare his friend into the ground but it was of no use – Nevena still smiled innocently at him. „Thank you“, he said, smiling himself, even though his smile was of a different kind then hers. 'Those times are over', he wanted to tell her, but of course he didn't, so he just kept smiling and tried to keep his thoughts away, but he didn't manage to. Nevena's words brought back what he tried to forget so hard in the past time, whenever he thought about his past. They weren't together anymore, they probably would never be again, so why was she torturing him like this? Hephaistion fucked up, he fucked up for good, and he was sure that there was no way in going back to what they had. That's why he tried his best to be good company for Alexander, although he kept his distance to him. He didn't even dare to touch him once so far because he knew that it would make him weak, it already was enough to look at him to make all his senses tingle in a way they shouldn't anymore. He quickly shook his head and hugged Nevena, slapping her back, enjoying how she squealed. „Sweet revenge“, he murmured.

“No. He still loves you” she whispered back and step away, hoping that Hephaistion received the message because really, these two idiots should be together and she couldn’t look anymore how they were dancing around each other, neither of them wanting to make the first move.   
Alexander putted Demian in a small crib that was brought there earlier and took his gift, making his steps towards Hephaistion. Suddenly he realized that he didn’t know what to do. Should he keep his distance or hug his husband like everyone else? Hephaistion face told him that he was also waiting for Alexander’s decision. But feeling Nevena’s killing sigh on his back, he decided for the first option and before Phai had a chance to say no, Alexander had him in a bear hug.   
“Happy birthday Phai. I hope that all your wishes will come true” he murmured and let go of him even though the sweet smell of lavender was luring him to hug Hephaistion once again. “And I hope that you will like my present” he said with a small smile, giving Phai his gift and taking a step back because he didn’t know how long would he be able to keep himself away from his former lover.

Hephaistion didn't have time to respond something to Nevena's words – he wasn't even sure if he could, since they paralyzed him, as he wanted them to be true more than anything else but he didn't dare to get his hopes up – before he could see Alexander approaching him and the sight was making him swallow. He felt like a kicked puppy, knowing exactly that his face showed all of the insecurity that was lingering inside of him, but Alexander didn't seem to care when he crossed the distance between the two of them and hugged him.   
The first few seconds literally took Hephaistion's breath away as he was unable to move. He was sure that he would faint any second, considering how fast his heart was beating in his chest at this contact, but before he had the chance to react and actually hug Alexander back, the moment was over, leaving Hephaistion's body behind screaming for more. But he quickly collected himself and took the present, looking into Alexander's eyes, trying to forget the feeling of his body against his own, but it was too much to bear, too much after all these months... When the king took a step back, Hephaistion's eyes dropped to the present and when he realized what it was, his eyes went wide. He looked at the book in front of him for which he was searching for years, feeling how memories of his youth were crashing over him as he was flipping some of the pages. „You remembered?“, he asked and looked up to meet Alexander's eyes, somehow not able to believe that he remembered that Hephaistion was looking for this book.

Alexander laughed, delighted that his present was a success. “Of course I remembered Phai. You even told me some tails from this book. It’s really interesting by the way” he said with a fond smile on his face even though it was hard to make a good face when all he wanted was Hephaistion in his arms once again. And forever. But he guessed that it was too much to ask for right now.   
“What is it? Can you read it to me Phai?” Zora asked, clearly curious, looking at the book with big eyes. She loved tails and mythology and she had never seen this book before so it made her long for it even more.   
“He will honey. He promised to spend more time with you so I can bet that he will be happy to read it to you before sleeping” Nevena said while patting Zora’s head and exchanging looks with Leander (if they wouldn’t both be gay then they would make a good pair xD) who was also sensing that something was going on between Hephaistion and Alexander. And they both know that they needed a little push because if those two idiots would be left for themselves then it would took them ages to go back together. 

„I will“, Hephaistion responded to Zora's question which he only barely noticed, his eyes still glued to the book. He seriously couldn't believe that Alexander still remembered. The last time he mentioned that book was years ago because soon after that, he gave up the hope to ever find a copy of it again. But Alexander remembered his bragging about it and he actually found it, it was unbelievable. Hephaistion patted Zora's hand and gave her the book because she wanted to see it and observed how she carefully was looking through it, her hands like tiny kitten paws. It made him smile, because obviously she understood what value this book had to her brother so she was determined not to break it.   
„Thank you, Alexander“, he said then, after he turned his head back to him and smiled, nervously clenching his hands into fists and loosing them up again. „I really didn't expect this.“ Before he could think twice about it and maye decide not to do it in the end, he took a deep breath and approached the king, hugging him in an embrace that wasn't too tight so that Alexander could let go of him whenever he wanted to. „It means a lot to me.“

Alexander saw that Hephaistion was fighting with himself over something, his body a bit stiff but he didn’t expect the hug. Although his body reacted automatically and he hugged his former lover, discreetly sniffing him because he really missed his sweet smell and it disappeared from his dorms and bed long ago.  
“I am happy to hear that Phai” Alexander said, not seeing the looks Leander and Nevena was giving him. He was just happy that Hephaistion finally touched him for real and it wasn’t just courtesy. He did this because he wanted to and it made the king happy beyond belief. But of course that magic moment couldn’t last for too long because Demian decided to whine for his father.  
“Uh, I’m sorry. I need to take care of him” Alexander murmured, slowly letting Hephaistion go which took almost all of his willpower but he really need to take care of his son before he would cry for real which wouldn’t be funny. That little boy really had good lungs and he wasn’t hesitating before using them to express his needs. 

„Sure.“ Hephaistion immediately let go of him, suddenly realizing what he was doing. He backed away, calling himself an idiot for letting himself go like this. Where the hell was his self composure? He was used to live without Alexander, so it should be possible for him to continue doing so, so why was he so weak suddenly? It made him want to punch himself. Hephaistion breathed in and turned away, trying to calm down a bit, before he sat down next to Zora on the blanket, taking the book out of her hands. „Do you want me to read something to you?“, he asked her and patted her hair, gently wiping it out of her face.  
„Yes!“ Zora's face immediately lit up and she tilted her head, chewing on her bottom lip for a second before he looked with huge eyes at him again. „Is there a tale about princesses?“, she asked and jiggled closer to him, leaning her tiny body against his own. It made Hephaistion smile and he carefully wrapped an arm around her, pulling her closer, needing her now to feel sane again, because he really felt as if he had lost his mind. Shaking his head slightly, he opened the book and started to look through it. „Yes, I am pretty sure that we will find something, my litle princess.“

Alexander took Damien on his arms and looked at Hephaistion, listening to the stories he was reading. He didn’t even feel how fast was the time flying but when he realized that it was already dark, Leander was already sleeping happily and Zora was very close to following him, clearly trying to stay awake a bit more but her eyelids were growing heavier and heavier. It was really cute but the king knew that his little girl needed a good sleep.   
“I guess it’s enough for today my princess” he smiled and carefully handed Damien over to Nevena who smiled at the boy and patted gently his head. “You need to sleep. Hephaistion will read to you tomorrow.”  
“But daddy…” she tried to argue but in the exact moment Alexander took her on his arms, she fell asleep which only made the king smile. “I will be right back. But this one here I won’t carry” Alexander joked and stepped over sleeping Leander, making his way to his dorms.   
“So now it’s just you and me and this little guy over there” Nevena said when Alexander disappeared into the palace. “Seems like you made him interest in your stories since he is he still not sleeping. Little beast” she smiled, winging the baby a bit in her arms. “Maybe you want to hold him?” She asked quietly and looked Hephaistion in the eye, trying to read his thoughts.  
Hephaistion smiled when Alexander lifted his little sister up in his arms, but as soon as the king turned his back on him, his smile disappeared and the only thing that was left on his face was longing. He kept his eyes on him until he couldn't see him anymore and only then let he out a small sigh, rolling his eyes when Leander grunted in his sleep. „  
He is such a big baby“, he murmured and put the book to the side, watching at his brother who was looking so much younger in his sleep. He just wanted to stand up and wake Leander up to tell him to go to sleep if he was tired, when Nevena's words startled him and made him freeze on spot. Turning his eyes on her, he tried to deal with her words but before he could say no, because seriously, 'no', he had no right to, she was already handing Alexander's son over to him. At first, Hephaistion didn't know what to do since everything inside of him was screaming to get out of this situation, but as soon as he looked into the eyes that were the same as Alexander's, the feeling that he didn't belong vanished. It made him swallow and he had to blink away the haze that was suddenly covering his eyes, but when Demian smiled at him he couldn't help but smile back. „I really screwed up, didn't I?“, he whispered, his words not even a question because he already knew the answer, before he slowly lifted his hand and fondled the little boy's cheek with the back of his finger.

“You didn’t” Nevena said quietly, observing his best friend with happiness growing inside of her heart. It was a really adorable sight and she wished to see it more often. “Alexander still need you. You can’t screw up that but I guess that you already know it. And I don’t say that you need to do something now but you should really know that Alexander would welcome you back with open arms.” She knew that she was right and now was her chance to make this idiot understand it as well. “He still needs you Phai. And he would be delighted if you would take care of his boy.” She smiled and looked at king’s son. “He looks exactly like Alexander.” She chuckled, observing how carefully Hephaistion was petting Demian’s cheek. He really would make a great father to this kid.   
„He does“, Hephaistion answered after a while, as he was carefully rocking Demian in his arms. He really looked like his father and he was so adorable that it was impossible not to like him. But after some minutes of silence, he slowly shook his head and smiled as Demian was slowly falling asleep even though it was obvious that he tried to fight it. „He doesn't need me“, is why he said in a very quiet voice, not averting his eyes of that cute little face in his arms. „He is doing fine and it makes me happy. I don't need anything more. I was scared that maybe he wouldn't get over me leaving, but fortunately I was wrong.“ With a sad smile on his lips, he looked at Nevena and leaned his head against hers. „I am done with hurting him, you know. It's okay the way it is.“

“You are so wrong Hephaistion” Nevena sighted and slowly started to pet Phai’s head. “I was observing him every day and me might seem like doing fine, well, he is doing fine but that doesn’t mean that he is happy because he can’t be fully happy without you. And I can see that he is trying to hide it but he really needs you. The worst thing that you can do now is to push him away.” Nevena said with seriousness in her voice because Hephaistion really needed to finally see it himself. “After you left he didn’t even come close to Roxanne. And he wasn’t with anyone else even if for a moment because he still thinks that you two are married and he is sticking to that promise he gave you.”

At Nevena's words, Hephaistion's free hand immediately touched his chest where he could feel the small pouch with his wedding ring inside of it pressed against his skin. „Me neither“, he murmured and looked down on Demian who had his eyes closed now, his mouth opened in an adorble o, fast asleep. He sighed deeply, suddenly hoping for Alexander's return because it hurt him to think about this too much, to think about what could be, because the fear of being rejected always lingered in the back of his head. Nevena might call him stupid for that, but he couldn't help himself. „I don't want to push him away“, he said after a while and sighed again, „but at the same time I am afraid of letting myself feel again. Not even for my own sake, I just... he deserves only the best, Nevena, and after what I've done I am not so sure that I can give this to him.“

“And you are his bests Phai” she murmured, fully knowing that it wasn’t easy for her friend but she needed to tell him this things. But before he had a chance to say something more she saw Alexander who just came into the garden and he looked thunderstruck.  
It was clear that the king didn’t expect to see Hephaistion with Demian and he just didn’t know what to do. This sigh… it was all he was wishing for and for a second he thought that he was dreaming because it just couldn’t be real.


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry guys that it took me so long but it's finally here!
> 
> Merry Christmas everyone ♥

Alexander swallowed hard and took a few steps more, trying to put on his poker face but it was hard now. All he wanted now was to take his son and his husband to his dorms and spend time with them and just be happy. For a moment he almost forgot that he shouldn’t do this since his relations with Phai still were unsolved. But it didn’t stop his heart from beating madly in his chest.   
“I can see that he likes you if he already trusted you enough to fell asleep in your arms” Alexander smiled, keeping his voice under control and he sat close to Hephaistion, touching his arm with his body but he couldn’t help himself, he needed some contact to just make sure that it all was real. 

Hephaistion felt guilty as soon as he saw Alexander approaching them. It was stupid, the most stupid thing he ever thought and felt, he knew it, but he couldn't help himself. He wasn't used to belong somewhere anymore and he somehow felt like invading Alexander's private space. Maybe he was the biggest idiot ever, but still, his heart clenched painfully when he could feel his former lover's body heat next to his own, his skin burning where he touched him. At first, Hephaistion couldn't say anything, but when he found his voice again, he forced a smile on his lips.   
„I guess he does“, he murmured and fondled his cheek again. „I like him, too“, he carefully admitted, looking at Alexander from the corner of his eyes, not knowing if he crossed a line. But it was true, he really liked the boy already. How couldn't he? 

Alexander was almost shining with happiness. They were seriously making a progress and Hephaistion finally liked his son which was really something, considering that in the past days he was behaving like Demian was just air.   
“That’s really good Phai. I want you two to get along well.” Alexander petted Demian’s head and smiled at Hephaistion, barely holding himself back from hugging his former lover.   
“Well… it was really nice but it’s getting late so I will be going” Nevena yawned to confirm her words and got up. She winked at Hephaistion and went over to Leander. “What a kid” she murmured under her breath and started to poke hard the poor man who wasn’t very happy to be woken up this way.   
“What do you want from me woman?” He asked in a harsh from sleep voice, clearly preparing himself to fall asleep again but Nevena didn’t let him to, poking him under ribs.   
“You are going to your bed. I won’t listen to your grumbling tomorrow about how your everything hurt” she said in a imperative voice, helping him to stand up.   
Hephaistion nodded at Alexander's words as he kept looking at him after lifting his head, not able to say a single word. He just couldn't stop looking at him, taking in the sight he offered him, before Nevena got up and tore Hephaistion's eyes from his former husband. Suddenly, he felt panic rising inside of him as he didn't know what to do now, being alone with Alexander and his son. He... he just didn't know. Something threw him out of the orbit that, if he wouldn't hold Demian in his arms, he would just jump and go to sleep himself. But since the adorable kid fell asleep on him, he had no other choice than to observe – with a small grin on his lips though – how Nevena dragged his brother up on his legs who didn't look pleased at all.   
„Good night“, he said after Leander just grumpily lifted his hand and got pulled away by Nevena who was gripping his upper arm tightly. Silence fell upon them when the two of them vanished inside of the palace and Hephaistion quietly drew a breath in when he got aware how close Alexander was in fact to him. „What about you?“, he asked quietly, turning his head to look at him. „Don't you want to go to sleep, too?“ 

The king shook his head and smiled a bit. “Not really. What about you?” He asked not even looking at Nevena's and Leander's vanishing silhouettes. They were old enough to take care of themselves and he was too caught up in the sight that Hephaistion was presenting him to even notice anything around them.   
“Just tell me when you would get tired of holding him. He is not so heavy but after a while your arms can get stiff. But he loves being hold so I need to endure pain. But one his smile is enough to make everything worth it” he said happily and pulled up the strap of Hephaistion’s robe that fell from his shoulder. He barely touched Phai’s skin with his knuckles but it was enough to make him burn with the need to hold Hephaistion in his arms. 

Hephaistion's eyes were glued to the other man's face and when he saw the love on it when Alexander was talking about his son, the sudden urge to kiss those lips was crashing over him and he already felt himself moving, but in the last moment, he realized what he was doing and just pretended to carefully shift his position, his eyes darting back on Demian. What the hell was that? What exactly was he thinking he was doing? He needed a moment to regain his senses, before he could shake his head.   
„No“, he replied, swallowing hard and fighting down his needs. He didn't dare to look at Alexander again until he got rid of this emotion, placing a small smile on his lips. „I am not tired, I slept too long today to be able to fall asleep –“ Hephaistion couldn't finish his sentence because in that moment, he could feel Alexander's hand on him. And even though it wasn't for long, it was enough to make Hephaistion scream inside. „I“, he started, looking into Alexander's eyes, 'love you', „used to take care of two little babies when I was... away. They were twins and so loud and hyperactive...You may say that I am quite an expert now.“ 

“I wasn’t expecting that but I need to say that I am impressed” Alexander purred, unconsciously getting closer to Hephaistion. “You can sometimes take care of Demian. If you want to of course.” He added quickly not wanting Phai to feel like he had to do this. “You may say that I am searching for another pair of hand to help but it’s really hard to give him to nannies. I much rather prefer someone that I fully trust.” Alexander smiled and looked into Hephaistion’s eyes, wanting to kiss these soft lips that were so close. He almost forgot how Hephaistion tasted and he really wanted to remind himself about this but the rest of his rationality was telling him no and reminding him how it ended the last time when he was trying to rush things. 

„I didn't expect it myself, but I really enjoyed taking care of them. And I would... like to try to get Demian into liking me a little bit more.“ Hephaistion smiled shyly and returned Alexander's gaze, losing himself in those eyes he knew better than his own. So he still trusted him, after all this time and after everything he had done. Maybe Nevena was right and they could really get it to work between them again. Maybe. Hephaistion hoped that more than anything else.   
He cleared his throat and leaned back a bit, backing himself up with his free hand behind his back, before he looked into the sky by placing his head in his neck. „This was a nice birthday, Alexander. Thank you for making this day special for me.“, he quietly said after they sat next to each other in a comfortable silence, Hephaistion clearly enjoying Alexander's steady breath next to him. When he payed attention, he could even feel it on his shoulder. Smiling, he looked at the king, asking himself how things would've turned out if he never left. If they would still be sitting here, celebrating his birthday like this. 

“You deserve to have your birthday celebrated in the best possible way” Alexander smiled and lay down, observing the night sky. Demian’s steady breath and Hephaistion’s warmness next to him were making him really happy and he didn’t want it to end too fast. But the need to touch his former lover less innocently was making him go crazy.   
“Can you tell me, if you want of course, what were you doing for the past ten months?” He asked to take his mind off of thoughts about touching Hephaistion. He was actually glad now that his son was sleeping on Phai’s chest because it allowed him to keep his hands to himself. 

Hephaistion nodded at Alexander's words and smiled when Demian moved in his sleep, snuggling closer to his chest. „Nothing special...“, he said and when he thought about it, it kind of frustrated him because he didn't achieve anything in the meantime besides finding himself, but on the other side he lost everything else. „I tried to get my head clear and at least I managed to do so“, he smiled and looked at Alexander, before he continued speaking. „I got rid of many stuff... and tried to survive, since I didn't have any money and no one recognized me. At some point, I came into a village where an old woman asked for my help because her daughter was dying in childbed and the father of the babies was long gone... I couldn't say no, and for some time she gave me a place to sleep and made sure that I didn't starve and in favor of her doing so, I looked after the kids and worked for her. That was my last stop before I came back.“ 

“Hmm” Alexander looked at Hephaistion and smiled, happy to know that his former lover wasn’t in danger and that he was okay this whole time. “Where do they live? I guess that I should thank this woman properly for make sure that you were safe and fed” he murmured and turned on his side to pet Demian’s back whose little first were clutching tightly on Hephaistion’s robe. It was really cute but he was sure that at this point it would be hard to take his son off of Phai since the little boy could be really stubborn when he was holding onto something and he never was happy to let anything go of his little curious hands. 

„Oh yes, she definitely made sure that I got enough to eat.“ Hephaistion chuckled and would have petted his own stomach if Demian wouldn't be in his arms, but instead he gazed into the sky again. „If I wouldn't have paid attention, I could have rolled back... but at least the work was hard and I could give her something in return.“ He smiled at the thought of the woman and decided that he definitely had to visit her some day in the future. He really liked it there and her hospitality was great, he didn't expect to be treated so nice in any way.   
„Better not“, he said after a while and grinned, „she would get an heart attack if she knew that the stray she kept was friends with the king.“ 

“But I can bet it is hard for her to raise two kids when she is an old lady already” he responded and looked back at the night sky to calm himself down because the sight of Demian sleeping so trustingly on Hephaistion were too much for him. It was all he wanted and all he couldn’t have. “But I hope that no matter how wonderful your journey was, you will stay here Hephaistion. Here is your home…” Alexander nearly whispered, not even daring to look for a second on his husband but praying hard that the answer would be yes.   
Hephaistion looked at Alexander closely without saying a word, watching as he avoided his eyes. He kept observing him, feeling something inside of him grow, a strange sensation that he couldn't find a name for. He really didn't know what exactly it was, but it made his heart beat slightly faster and he smiled, before he carefully leaned over to Alexander, moving as little as possible so Demian wouldn't wake up, and pressed a small kiss on top of his head. He stayed like this, maybe a second or two too long before he withdrew again and fondled Demian's face, just to have something to do, suddenly very aware of the strange vibes between them as he felt his nervousness rising. „I am planning to stay.“, he said then quietly. 'And to never leave your side again, no matter what future will bring to me.' 

Alexander felt that his heart stopped beating when he felt Hephaistion’s lips on his skin. He really didn’t expect this so he didn’t know how to react. But it made him happier in an instant and he felt like a teenage boy again because he couldn’t even make a proper sentence right now.   
“I am very happy to hear that Phai” he said finally when he was sure that his voice would be calm but he felt that his cheeks were burning a bit. Although it was hopefully dark enough so Hephaistion didn’t see it. “Everyone will be happy because of it” he added, trying to calm his breath and not kiss his husband back properly on the lips. He really had to do something horrible in the past life since now he had to go through this temptation. 

Everyone would be happy? Hephaistion still wasn't fully convinced about that, as something was sitting in the back of his head, telling him that he made the wrong decision. But he quickly shooed that voice away and nodded, slightly smiling at the king when he looked back at him.   
„You say everyone“, he murmured after a while, feeling how it itched under his skin to touch Alexander some more. „Does that include you, too?“ He knew that the king was happy about his return, he could literally see it, but he still was afraid that it wasn't the right choice to be a part of Alexander's life again. Something was holding him back, so that he was unable to let go of those uneasy feelings, but he really had no idea what it was. „Are you 'really' happy?“ 

 

Alexander raised his eyebrows and sat up to have a better look at his former lover. “Are you serious now Hephaistion? Of course I am happy to have you back and even more happy that you will stay” he said in a serious voice so Phai wouldn’t have any doubts about it. But really, how could he be so stupid to ask this? Alexander always loved him and nothing changed in that matter even though they haven’t seen each other in such a long time.   
“It was really hard when you were away but we at least knew that you were fine from the letters that you were sending to your mother. But it’s so much better to actually see you and make sure that you are alright by myself Phai” he smiled at him, hoping that Hephaistion would understand his feelings.   
“Phai?” Alexander asked quietly when the other man didn't answer him and looked at Hephaistion’s peaceful face. “Phai, are you asleep?” the king tried very hard not to laugh but it was clear that his husband fall asleep like a little kid. “And what should I do with you know?” he smiled and slowly lifted his former lover, carefully so Demian wouldn’t wake up or fell off.   
The king took both of them to his dorms where Zora was already sleeping like a starfish, snoring lightly. Alexander lay Hephaistion near her, wondering how much the older man drunk yesterday when he didn’t even wake up during this whole trip. But it didn’t matter so the king just covered his little family with a warm quilt and kissed Phai’s forehead. “Sweet dreams my love” he whispered, happy beyond belief that he had all of them in his bed. He didn’t even care about consequences now.


End file.
